REAL AF with Andy Frisella - Peace, Power, and Living Your Ultimate Purpose, ft. Dr. Nicole LePera, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO306

Episode Date: June 18, 2019

I don't know about you, but with all the crazy sh*t going on in the world & all the things going on in my own life, sometimes it's hard not to go insane or feel stuck & overwhelmed...not just professionally, but personally, too. The good news is that my guest on today's podcast is an incredibly insightful & brilliant woman who has a real gift for helping people live with peace & power & purpose. Dr. Nicole LePera, aka The Holistic Psychologist, is in the house!

I can stack them hundreds to the roof. I ain't stopping till they stack to the moon. Without me, my family wouldn't have food. Anybody go against me, gotta lose. What is up, guys? You're listening to the MFCEO Project. I'm Andy. I'm your host, and I am the motherfucking CEO. I'm pretty proud of myself for remembering that. Last podcast, I actually forgot the intro to my own podcast. That is a pretty accurate representation of what my days are like currently. I know you guys all know the feeling of being overwhelmed. I know you all know the feeling of feeling like everything's crazy and it's chaos and

it's organized chaos. And what's really cool about that is that we have one of the most appropriate guests for that place that you are mentally right now that I am definitely at mentally on this podcast today. But before we get into that, guys, I wanted to remind you of a couple of things. One is I want to say thank you guys. It's really cool to step away for a few weeks and still come back and see the podcast ranked at number one or two. That means you guys are, you know, instead of bailing on me, you're going out and listening to old episodes and refreshing. That's how this content should be used. I really appreciate you guys doing it like that. It's really cool to be a

part of a group and a culture, which is what this is, let's be real, that truly takes initiative in their own learning. You know, I see there's people that always, you know, when we step away from the podcast for a couple of weeks, they're like, man, we're the podcast. I appreciate that. But let's be real, dude. We got 300. This is 306 episodes that we've got out there there's plenty of shit to listen to so cut me a break motherfuckers i got shit to do too all right but with that being said guys this is a free show i don't run ads i don't do any of that other stuff these guys do um and as uh a reward for that I'm going to ask for my own reward is that even allowed?

yes okay I am going to do that my own reward will be my own reward shall be talk about me motherfuckers Jesus tell people about me

if you like the show tell people if you get something out of the show tell people that's why I do this to help people this is a project about me. If you like the show, tell people. If you get something out of the show, tell people. That's why I do this, to help people. This is a project. All right? You guys are a part of the project. Now, Vaughn. Yes. What is your name today? Are you feeling Vaughn Swoller? You know what? I'm feeling DJ God? I'm not even focused on myself because the last two days have been truly awesome to be part of the MFCO project.

Because yesterday, I was approached by somebody who said the MFCO project changed her life, helped save her life. Is that the girl that you post on? Yeah. That was really cool. Her actual full name is Summer Rain Pratt. Summer Rain. Which is really funny. Isn't full name is Summer Rain Pratt. Summer Rain. Which is really funny. Isn't there a song?

Actually, she didn't just say the MFCO. So this is kind of a funny story. Her old boss runs a, I guess it's a, some sort of security company. He actually made them

listen to the MFCO project. And in listening to it, being forced to listen to it, she started developing the mindset. And then she found out about First Form, met couple guys one of them was uh austin davis the other guy was like blaylock or something do you know a guy named something blaylock or blalock black i don't know anyway long story short is yes i know yeah okay travis yeah yeah yeah yeah he's a man he's a manager of our companyughn. I'm surprised you don't know him. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Well, in any case, those guys transformed her life, and it was really cool. Yes. That 100-0 actually came from Austin Davis? I didn't know that, but that's very cool. Yeah. So it's funny that you bring him up. Austin 316? Austin 316.

Yeah. So Austin is also a coach of a very, very, very successful football program here in St. Louis called Lutheran North. They actually are one of the highest producing schools of Division I scholarship football players in the country. Wow. That's awesome. So he puts in a lot of time with these kids. Austin's one of my favorite dudes in our company and one of my favorite dudes period uh in or out of the company because he truly understands what it means to be a winner yeah what it takes to be a winner and uh him and i were talking

maybe i don't know a couple years ago when it first came out, and he's like, yeah, dude. We were talking about parents getting pissed off and coaches getting fired for running up the score. Right. And so essentially what they're doing is they're getting fired for doing their job the best way that they can. And we were both talking about it. He's like, fuck, dude, every time I go out and tell these guys we should be at 100-0, I'm like, dude, I'm making that a thing.

And that's where it came from. That's awesome. Yeah. That's awesome. So that was yesterday. And today on my way here, grabbing a coffee, I walked out and somebody said, Hey, are you Vaughn Kohler? And I said, why? Yes. Yes, I am. And this is actually really cool. This guy named Brandon came out here. He was laying in his bed. He's a, he's a guy, he's got a kid. He came out here. He was laying in his bed. He's a guy. He's got a kid. He came out here from Sacramento. He basically went through a divorce. He had no job, had been in some sort of signage industry or something like that where you make signs for people. Anyway, long story short, he just happened to turn on a podcast or somehow he came across the MFCO project and you were basically saying, get off your butt, quit making excuses. I did not say that.

Okay. I said, get off your fucking ass. Yes, exactly. That's what, exactly. So you said that and he did. And now the dude goes, this is facts. This is facts. A a year later did you just shout me down i did but i'm excited my little son is growing up so big well listen this is cool though like a year later and he credits this like i would also say like and you would agree with this he can credit the podcast all i want you shouted me down now you're speaking for me. Now I'm really getting big. You are growing the fuck up.

I am, but no, it's muscles. It is. It is. It's man. It's going to be tough at summer smash. You know,

I know we're going to have security for you. Yeah. It's going to be crazy. But, um, no, I mean, he,

he credits the podcast, but ultimately he did the work, you know, he did the work. And, uh, but he said that he's currently he's, he's making, he's like into well into six figures on his, on his income. So that's pretty,

pretty cool stories. So it's just a reminder. It's it's, uh, you know, I know you've been frustrated lately with the success zombies and stuff like that, but there are good people who are, who are being impacted by the, the, the project is I like to say of impacting people yes we're talking about bear again now if broad if bradley was here he'd make fun of me yeah right um but we have one of the most impactful people that i found on social media as our guest today uh i am very excited to have her as a guest today. Why don't you tell people who we got with us today? Because I think it's really special.

So Dr. Nicole LaPera is with us, who on Instagram is known as The Holistic Psychologist. Not W-H, but just H. And she founded the Mindful Healing Center in Center City, Philly. Philly. Philly. Philly. Which we won't get into this, but Philly has a role in the Blue Stanley Cup win. But anyway, Dr. Lepera works with individuals, couples, families. She talks about gut health, sleep movement, cellular health, belief,

and mindfulness. And she basically, I mean, I'm going to put this in layman's terms, but basically you have a real heart and commitment to the idea of seeing the connection between the body and the mind and how that can help heal us and how that contributes to our overall mental health, but also just like happiness, success, wellbeing. And, uh, you're going to share a lot more about yourself, uh, than I'm going to do you credit for. But welcome. Thank you so much for having me. I was going to fucking add something on the end, bro.

Oh. Don't you remember our pre? So this is how this is going to go from now on. When you deviate the play, I'm going to make fun of you. All right. You can do that. So what did I say before the show was going to happen? That.

I said you would introduce her and then I would do what? That you would sing. No, that's not what I said. Okay introduce her and then I would do what that you would sing no that's not what I said okay what I say Tyler I actually forget it's because I'm drinking soda Tyler what I say you definitely said that you would sing I'm quite sure I heard that too anyway guys Nicole was gonna be on the show but she had to cancel. So it's just going to be the Andy show. And Vaughn and Tyler are fucking fired. All right. So seriously, thank you for being on the show.

It's an honor. You know, Vaughn and I are moving away from having the typical entrepreneur guests. And we've decided and made a conscious decision that we are going to start bringing in people that we love, that we like to hear about, who have helped us. And you're at the top of that list, especially for me. If you guys don't follow her on Instagram, you need to be following her because she's incredibly, incredibly, incredibly brilliant. And I don't say that about very many people and has provided me a lot of value from afar and become someone who who you know I confide in now when I have issues so thank you for coming thank you so much for having me I am truly truly humbled

and honestly as part of my story which I'm sure I'll get to today, the fact that I am on an entrepreneurial podcast, having overcome so many of the limiting beliefs through mindset, really using your page, Andy, has been incredible. So this is, to me, a victory on a deep, deep level. So I cannot thank you enough. We're equally as excited. So start from day one of your life and give us just like a day-by-day summary up until this point. Yeah, absolutely. And it's really interesting because being that I am very holistic now, I mean, my story does not necessarily involve that. I think from a personal perspective and from a professional perspective.

So my life really consisted of a whole lot of anxiety from a personal level. Little girl, as long as I can remember, pretty much afraid of everything, hiding under tables. So anxiety was all I knew. I made peace with the fact because I think the large societal belief was, especially with something with anxiety, you either had it or you didn't. And if you had it, you always had it. So I walked my life just more or less taking a management model. I am someone who always kind of knew intuitively what I wanted to be when I got older. It was going to be a psychologist.

I was following, I guess, something kind of on a deeper level. I loved the mind. I was so fascinated by the mind. And so as long as I can remember, you know, undergrad, it was psychology. Then I went right into a graduate program and I trained very traditionally to be a clinical psychologist. I do have my PhD and the model then when I entered school

that I wholeheartedly endorsed was there's two options when you had struggles, psychological struggles and that was talk therapy, medication and or both. So long story short, I finished a very long training program, and I moved back to Philly. I did my training in New York, and I hung my shingle, if you will.

And I luckily was able to generate a pretty successful practice pretty early on. So I'm logging hours upon hours, working with the clients that I was seeing. And in my personal life, my anxiety was still there. And I had a pretty bad year physically. I had some crazy physical symptoms that had started to happen to me. My anxiety, again, started to spike to a level that was starting to feel unmanageable. And part of, I guess I should mention this my one of my anxiety components was very much health-based so anytime I started to have physical issues or ailments I got scared scared shitless to

be honest I was fainting all of this really kind of crazy stuff like it's just like when you get like a you faint once and then you go to a web md and literally everything that it leads to is you're going to die yeah pretty much pretty much pretty Pretty much. Pretty much. And because I was, I mean, I was fainting, I was forgetting names. So all of it, I was assuming was probably a sure indicator that something was going on pretty terrible in my brain. So of all the organs, yeah, of all the organs that I could have been really afraid of, it was really my brain. So I was, I was, I was scared. Long story short, I went online and I was like, okay, what the hell is going on with me?

I mean, what diagnosis is it? And more importantly, what am I going to do about it? And my mind was blown. I mean, I was opened up to a world of science and epigenetics and just things, gut health and things that I had never, ever learned in school, never heard about, had no idea. I was always someone that was moderately healthy. I cared about what I ate, but never in a million years did I understand the importance of caring about what I ate in terms of my mental wellness. So I cobbled together a little bit of a plan and I went on my own self-healing journey and I started to get better. And that was really,

really cool for me. And meanwhile, I was kind of moonlighting still as the therapist that I was week after week after week, year after year after year, seeing these same people that every week I was starting to notice a pattern in them as well and they would come in and we would talk about all these great plans and have all these great insights.

Next week, we were back at the same point. Oh, I'm stuck. Oh, I did this thing again. Oh, I reacted the way I didn't wanna react. So I'm starting to see parallels because that was my lived experience of anxiety too. I knew all the things. I mean, Christ, I was a clinical psychologist. I felt like I was pretty insightful and still I was living those same patterns. So I didn't know what to do, kind of having success on my own. I was really starting to be inspired that what I was doing to heal myself,

changing my nutrition, changing my sleep habits, getting my body in a physiological balance, and really starting to work with my mind in a different way. I wanted to start to share these, and I didn't know where. So online world opened up to me. And I thought, shit, let me just go online and kind of put these methods out there and see. So I started a page and crazy that it really just started to take off. And I honestly attribute it to, I think people were ready to start to look at alternative methods. I think a lot of people were feeling like myself and like my clients, they were frustrated with being stuck and they didn't like the options available. So long story short, about a couple months in, I was getting these messages

from people all over the world, not having worked with me, not having spoken to me, using my methods and seeing progress. At that point, I was like, okay, something is really, you know, there is such importance in taking the whole person into account. Again, reminding you, I did not learn about any of the body component of it in school, of us really. And just the messages I were getting were so inspiring that I knew at this point that this was something that I had to look at the whole person and that I had to really start to understand why we were all psychologically stuck. So aside from the body piece of things, I really started to hone in on what is going on

here. What is that part of us that just keeps us stuck despite insight, despite awareness. And at that point I knew that I had, I had a crisis of, of professional, I guess, self in a way. And I realized that I had to, I had to start to incorporate these methods and work solely on this whole person perspective. I bet you learned how to write a script in school though, didn't you? Learned how to write a script. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Uh-huh. I bet you learned how to write a script in school though, didn't you? Learned how to write a script. Yeah. Right. I mean, that's, that's what we were told. And I still, and so I have two motivating factors quite honestly. Now I want to get these tools out to humans to heal because I truly believe

that any human can heal without the help of another. Yes. You know, outside perspective support, all of that is incredibly helpful. But I think these are some tools that we can all implement. And honestly, my other motivation is I want to get these tools out to clinicians because I think and I get messages from all training has to expand that unless you have these tools, I just think that, you know, we're stagnant in a way that is not serving any of us to be perfectly honest. Yeah, totally. Totally. I, I, I really like what you said about the, um, you know, everybody's capable of healing themselves on their own. I actually, I actually take that a step

further. I think that's a requirement. I don't think it's their capable. I actually, I actually take that a step further. I think that's a requirement. I don't think it's their capable. I think they have to, you know what I mean? Um, I don't know how you feel about that, but like, I I'm just speaking of my own, like understand guys, I just want you to understand something. I don't say this very much, but when I sit, when I say how things are, you have to, I hope that you understand that I'm saying those things from my perspective of life. And I just happen to have a pretty wide fucking perspective. I've dealt with all kinds of different people for a long fucking time. I've seen it, how it's worked. I've seen how it doesn't work. And I have my own experiences. And from my own experience, I'm just going to throw this out there as an example. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Very. That's why I was 350 fucking pounds. And, and that led into all

kinds of other things. But you know, I know you could tell me, you know, Hey Andy, you're fat. Hey, you need to do this. Hey, you need to do that. Hey, this. I know that. I fucking run a nutritional supplement company. One of the biggest ones in the world. This is all I've ever done. But doing things and knowing things is a huge chasm that needs to be crossed. And for me, it just came down to like just in this one area of life for me, like the that I just had to make a decision that that food, food and alcohol wasn't going to make the decision for me anymore.

I was going to make the decision. I wasn't going to be the kind of person who said, oh, I'm cutting this all out forever because I see that as weakness, too. Like I see like if you've got to make a rule that's so rigid that you have to cut it out forever that's like saying i'm gonna learn how to swim with my life jacket on and then thinking you're a good swimmer right you don't really know if you're a good swimmer until you take the life jacket off you see what i'm saying yeah so like for me i just had to decide like dude you're i had to be honest with myself like dude you're you're, I had to be honest with myself. Like, dude, you're, you're making decisions based upon some inanimate object that has no real influence, you know? Like, and doctor, I went to therapists. I went to doctors. People don't know this shit. I went to all of this shit. It wasn't until I looked at it and I said, dude, you got to, you're fucking weak.

You're letting these things control you. And I made the decision that I wasn't gonna allow them to control me. And that's when shit started changing. So it was a self journey that I had to like put on my own shoulders and carry. Does that make sense? Yeah, 100%. I mean, you, you just spoke so much of what I speak every day. So first and foremost, I don't care who you go to and what incredible pearl of insight you have. Healing is an everyday activity. That's it. So there is a gap. And I talk even, I'll talk about tools and I share a lot of tools. And I tell people right up front, we're going to talk about using these tools.

I'm going to teach you how to use them. So I have time and a place, whether it's meditation, whether whether it's breath work tools that i believe wholeheartedly in but then there's that bridge between now i have to use the underlying you know shift in my relationship with my thoughts if we're talking about meditation or ability to regulate my physiology if we're talking about breath work i have to now use that during my day right it's not enough i don't leave it on the magic cushion and right and hope and hope that I'm now going to get better and I work with a lot of people who will come to me and say well I've meditated for 25 years and I'm not better these things don't work and I think that's the critical piece that's missing it's because you're not now bringing that you are going into your day

and you are living those old habits and those old patterns and more of what I call autopilot which is why I think that consciousness is the biggest, most important first step of change. That just means showing up, being honest. I talk about radical honesty, really looking for yourself, and I will teach you how to look. I teach people how to see internally the role that they are playing, quite literally,

in every decision that they are making. And sometimes the role that they are playing is literally in every decision that they are making. And sometimes the role that they are playing is by not showing up consciously, by being in that more sleep state. They're showing up, but the key word here is consciously. I think what you're saying, and if I'm not saying it right, definitely I know you will correct me. But what I'm saying and what I'm hearing and what I've experienced with this is that the consciousness part is the, it's the key. That's it. Life is, I always joke. I say, life is as simple and as complicated as developing consistent consciousness all day long. And it's

quite uncomfortable when you do that. So I think that's a part of it too. That's right. And so I'm just going to relate this back to this program. A lot of the guy, a lot of the people listening are doing right now, which is the 75 hard program. I'm having a lot of people reach out to me and they're saying, well, I'm doing everything. I'm doing everything that you're telling me to do. I'm on day 67. I'm doing everything you said, but I still, I still don't feel like it's doing this. You know why? Because it's become too much of your routine and you're not conscious about it when you're doing it, right? So doing something and doing something with an intention behind it

is completely two different things. And it doesn't matter how uncomfortable something is. If you do it every day with no consciousness, it will become routine. If you said, hey, 75 days in a row, I want you to walk across a bed of barbed wire. It's going to fucking hurt. Okay. It's going to hurt every fucking time. And you're going to get used to doing it because that's what happens when you make things routine. You're going to just start to accept the hurt. And then eventually what happens is you don't think about it anymore. And then when you stop thinking about it and you're not conscious

in it, now you're talking about something that doesn't have the same effect on you as it should. Right. When you're conscious in the process of doing it. Is that correct? Yeah, 100 percent. And the reality of it is in unless we consciously intend or set an intention to come out of autopilot, autopilot and the subconscious, that's what autopilot is run from, dictates our decisions 95% of our day. So that is the reality of it. So to speak to your point, things just get stored and we become complacent and we're going to, the problem with that is, and this is why I'm always, I hear the word stuck a million times over. I work with people that feel stuck and they feel stuck because if you are operating from that autopilot place, you are going to continue to get the same results you always have gotten because that you are living in your past in that way. And that's why, despite insight, despite all of the best, you know, directed intentions, if you don't intend and watch and observe and be conscious of yourself throughout

the day, you're just going to be that living in that repetition. And this has guys, this has practical use. Okay. Like I have this conversation we're having right now with my salespeople all the time about the customer's experience. All right. Let's not forget this is an entrepreneurship podcast. This is practical shit. Some of you guys are listening. You're like, oh, I'm not really into this shit. Well, you fucking should be because it's going to cost you money. And here's why you guys, salespeople, your salespeople are their job is to solve the customer's problem. Their job is to create an amazing experience to facilitate word of mouth stories being told of you that will ultimately bring you more customers

and repeat the cycle over and over and over again. And, and I teach this, I teach this so much, especially in our RTA group. And when I do private consulting and things like that, people will go do it. They're like, I did exactly what you said. I did exactly what you said, but it's not working the way that you said it would. Well, that's because you're going through the motions instead of having an intention of actually helping the customer or actually solving their problem or actually intentionally creating experiences that makes them say, holy shit, that was awesome. Right? So you can go through all the same motions. It's the analogy I use for washing the car. Yeah. Right. Yeah. You get the bucket, you put the water in, you put the sponge in, you put the, uh, the bucket next to the

car, you spray the car off. You, you, you dip the sponge in the water, you wipe the car down. Car looks like shit. Why does it look like shit? Because you didn't take the 2% or the 1% extra effort of squirting the soap in the bucket to start with. That's all the difference. That's the intention. That's the intention. That's the consciousness. When you do something with the intention, when you do something with the consciousness that will take 1% extra effort, because it does take effort to be aware Because it does take effort to be aware. And it does take effort to be conscious. And it does take effort to have intention.

But in regards to the overall effort, we're talking about a very minuscule percentage of effort spent for an exponentially larger result. And that's where people are missing. That's the link that's missing is they're not understanding. Like when you said to me, we were texting a week or two ago and you said, I like to think that consciousness ultimately, I think you said was the answer for almost everything. And it is. And like, I didn't have to respond back because I already knew what you meant. You know what I mean? At first I read it and I was like,

fuck, that's so simple, but it's, it is the truth. Yeah. You know, it's effortful. I want to speak to that point too, because our autopilot speaking from a physiological perspective, it actually conserves caloric energy. Our brain prefers, and I always talk about the underlying physiology, whether it's our body or our brain, because that does factor in. And the reality of it is our brain prefers, because our brain is already the organ that takes the most caloric energy of our body's needs go to our brain, first and foremost. Autopilot conserves energy.

Maybe that's why I'm so hungry all the time. There you go. Probably. A little backhanded comment. Compliments myself. But no, it's effortful. It's effortful. It's intentional.

It's, like I said, it takes caloric energy. And I like something else you said, Andy, because when we are mindless about something, even if so to speak to your point, your clients are just doing the thing, checking the boxes. I don't believe that anything is more impactful than the lived experience. And when we are again, not present to ourselves, we are doing our own self a disservice. Change happens when we give ourself a new lived experience and we're not living, we're not fully in our bodies, we're not fully in the experience. We are quite literally somewhere else, lost in our minds, onto the next, worrying about the next three checkboxes on my to-do list. And we're not showing up as fully

presently to have that full embodiment of the lived experience and that's what I believe where change happens I love that there's a book about that I think I read it like in 2007 I think it's eight living in the now I think the name of the book is I don't know if I read that title but yeah so as you guys were talking this is what I thought of and just selfishly I want to share this quick story so by the way just because I read the book doesn't mean I'm good at it. I will say a million times over because a lot of people get frustrated and a lot of people think I'm not doing it right or I don't have it or this won't work for me. It's a skill. It's a practice. And it's honestly, I think it's a lifetime of cultivating it. For sure.

Yeah. No. So when you were talking, I was thinking about just with the issue of being mindful and being present and being conscious of, of what we're doing. Uh, when my dad was alive, he was a really amazing pianist and, uh, people used to like him because not only was he technically proficient, but he really just had a passion for what he was playing. And we went to see a, we went to a recital one time and I was, you know, I was a little boy, I was like fourth or fifth grade. And this woman was playing the piano and I couldn't figure out why I didn't enjoy it. Um, cause you know, objectively it was, you know, she was talented at what she was doing. And when we walked out, I said to my dad, I said, dad, I didn't like it. And I couldn't figure out why. And he said, and I always remember this. Um, and I don't know, my dad might've gotten it from

somebody else who knows when I give credit where credit is due. But he said, she's hitting the notes, but she's not playing the music. And I always thought of that. That's the two ways we can live life, right? We can just hit the notes. Like Andy's saying, go through all the step one, step two, step three in sales, or you can be actually invested in what you're doing and mindful of what you're doing. And what you just, that analogy that you just gave is exactly why most of the people listening right now are struggling. They are doing that one, two, three, but they are not doing the one, two, three, right? They're hitting the piano keys, but their soul isn't in it. Right. You know? Right. And people discount that because a lot of entrepreneurs are type A's and they don't believe like, dude, like I used to believe they don't believe in like this mystical shit.

Like they hear it and they're like, fuck that. That ain't for me. That's for, that's for those goofy dudes. And that's why that's, that's a really huge motivating factor of why I wanted to have you on the show because I don't think people understand how big of a part of my life those kind of things are. And, and I'm,

I'm kind of like the ultimate, like that guy that I'm describing. Right. But guys, you have to understand that this is real stuff and it's important when I make fun of it. I'm making fun of the dudes out there. They're just talking about it and not putting it into practice because it's real easy to type up a meme and say some buzzword shit about self-love.

It's another thing to go out and practice self-love by putting yourself through a whole bunch of shit that's going to make you stronger. Right. Right? And so I want you guys to know, and this is just me letting you know that like, this is real. This is not like a fluffy, because I know how I would think about this when I was 25. You know what I mean? And I would think like, that sounds like bullshit. But I'm telling you, it's not bullshit. of mindfulness and consciousness. So the vast majority of our listeners are entrepreneurs or people who just want to make the most of their life, you know, type A driven, a lot of ambition. If a person like that came to you stuck, I mean, walk us through like the basic tools that you're going to teach them. Yeah, absolutely. So, and like I said earlier, I hear the word stuck all of the time and it definitely applies in business. You know, when we're trying to succeed, the reason

why we're stuck is because of something that's going on in our subconscious. So first tool, first and foremost, I teach you how to meditate specifically because I think of meditation. I think we all hear the word meditation. Maybe we've tried it. There's a million different types of meditation. I use meditation, I call it, as an arena to develop a mental exercise, specifically aimed at changing our relationship with our thoughts, at learning how to observe the reality that we have thoughts endlessly all day long. And that usually is why we're stuck. So what most of us think, or a lot of us think, put it that way,

we think, to put it really simply, we think things happen out there. So stimulus happens, event happens, world happens. We catch wind of the feeling that that kind of, you know, kind of triggers, if you will, in us. And then we see our reaction. What really happens is thing in the world happens, you know, outside, stimulus occurs. Mentally, internally, we make an interpretation or a meaning that we assign to what happened in the world. Usually, this is where our past comes to play. The meanings, the interpretations are a lot based on the past experiences that we lived, oftentimes not the positive ones, right? Then we have that feeling, and then we have that reaction. So, the reason I teach meditation is we need to be able to internally observe ourselves to first and foremost understand that we are playing a role. That puts us now on the map, right? So now I'm not reactive to the

world that's happening around me. And a lot of times that does lead to people understandably feeling like a victim of circumstance. Oh, the world happened, this, that, the other thing. And now I can't, you know, X, Y, or Z. I'm prevented, I'm stuck, I'm not succeeding in business because this happened. When we come online and when we practice that self-observation, now we get to see the role that we played.

We assigned a meaning, our subconscious assigned a meaning. Now we have the tools to change. So first and foremost, we have to learn how to observe ourself, usually through a meditation practice. Then we have to practice that self observation or that consciousness all day long so that I can understand. So if I'm not succeeding in business, likely there's an internal narrative that's keeping me from succeeding or from being stuck. I'm not really general, very kind of prolific ones. I hear I'm not good enough, I'm not this, I'm not that, I won't, whatever it is. So now that is where we do the work. First and foremost, we separate ourself from that narrative

because it's not helping. And quite honestly, it usually no longer applies to us and it might not even have been our thoughts that originated it. A lot of the stuff, a lot of the meanings, a lot of the interpretations that we're relying on that are dictating our daily choices are based in time and a place from so long ago, past experiences, things we've heard, things we've been made to feel. Things we might not even remember.

Things we might not even remember. And that's a large reason why. So I work with very successful people, but who will come up against blocks, professionally included, because they have some version of an I'm not good enough narrative, which then dictates that emotion that they have and then that reaction that they put out or the behavior that they put out into the world. So until we can get out of that and give ourself a chance at shifting set and making a new choice, we're going gonna keep repeating those patterns. Do you put a priority on helping them discover

what caused the bad narrative? Or is your attitude, I don't care what caused it, we're just gonna fix, we're gonna train people to- Are those kind of one and the same thing though? Well, no, in other words, what I'm saying is is that do you try to walk people through to where you try to jar not jar but jog memories of oh my mom told me such and such or would you say that's not as important as much

as you recognize that you're buying into this false narrative and that you transform it in other words yeah you know what I'm saying doesn't that depend on the kind of person you're working with though like like certain people I don't know maybe fuck I don't know, maybe, fuck, I don't know, just answer it. Like I'm confused here because like for me, like I have to know why the fuck I'm doing something for me to change it. Like I have to, and like, and I don't like being told things. Right. I like seeds being planted and then me discovering it.

Right. You know what I mean? Well, as a point of reference. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes total sense. So what I'm trying to think about here is like, is there two kinds of people, like people that don't need to know and they just fix?

Is there? Well, no. The point of reference I was going to say real quick was just like, I know for instance, because I know of a lot of people who've been involved in 12-step programs. And I know a big thing about 12-step programs is don't try to overanalyze why you're addicted to something.

Just change your habits. So that's kind of what motivated that question. It's a really good question. I've actually thought about it, you know, for some time. And I think that it can really be helpful because I think a lot of us carry shame and we own these narratives and we think there are. So to speak to the points that we're all making, understanding where they come from, I think, and not only, and I think to speak to your point, Andy, yes, a lot of people, understanding a why, you know, can be really empowering. I've said for a long time that awareness

is a very key component of change. So if I can understand the trajectory of my story in a new way, I think that that does compel people into that next step, which is then always, I think, the point we made earlier, action. Now I need to change, now that I know. And some people, I do think, very much earlier, action. Now I need to change now that I know. And some people I do think very much need to know or very much want to know.

I also think, like I was saying, there's a shame component of it too. And understanding that this maybe wasn't mine to begin with can be really helpful. So like I referenced earlier, I came from a family of just self-limiting belief after self-limiting belief. And when I saw myself operating from that reactional point,

if I didn't understand how I came by that, I hear people call themselves, and I think this is really unfortunate, they call themselves, they'll make this sweeping statement like oh I'm just not meant to be, I'm lazy, I'm undisciplined, I'm this, I'm that, I'm the other thing. Man, I notice that more and more. And I think that's really,

anytime you say that I am something, you are setting yourself up to continue that limitation because you carry it yourself. Dude, I had a guy this morning, just the meeting I was in while you were, that meeting you watched me do, right? When you walked in, I had a guy say, a guy that I fucking love, like a brother,

say, I'm just not a good leader. And I said, no, I said, that's that's not I said that's not true you're making an identity now I said you're not that's not true you made decisions that have created a situation that have produced a result that make it appear that you're not a good leader but you are a good leader or you wouldn't be sitting in this fucking room bro you know what I mean yeah 100 right and that's where people get into it right that's where it starts yes and then fucking that's how you end up that's how these motherfuckers that you see you know like today you see them and they're fucking millionaires they got all this shit together and in three

years from now they're they're they're broke and all this bad shit happened it started with some statement like that yeah yeah no and very No. And I- Very slippery hill. It is. And I think that can be really, really debilitating. I mean, you set, you back yourself up in a corner. If that's who you are, you are very limited then in changing. But, you know, a lot of times, and this is what I used to do all the time. And I'm the first one to admit it. I then would look at others who had a different life that obviously looked more successful than myself. And I made myself different. Oh, they have something I don't have, because I am this and they are that.

And I think it really does come down to making the choice to overcome your mind and those limiting beliefs. We all have that ability, but I'm the first one to say, I endorsed every one of my self-limiting beliefs. I owned it, and when I saw people that were succeeding, in my mind, unconsciously, subconsciously, my mind says, okay, they are different because genetically or this or that. Right. So now I am just compromised,

you know, whether it's at my genetic. Now you just won the shitty part of the lottery. Exactly. So now I can't change, but I really truly believe. And so with consciousness comes choice. So I can now make a new choice. And I think, and this is why I'm so big on habit development and doing things that are uncomfortable. I know with the cold showers and all, whatever it is, I break that down to overcoming your mind. Doing something despite your mind saying not to for all. And my mind every morning says not to do everything

that I do every day. And I'm always the first one to explain it. Mine says don't get out of bed. Oh, I either shouldn't get out of bed because I didn't sleep well and I'm tired and clear ladies, or I'm so comfortable. My to explain it. Mine says don't get out of bed. Oh, I either shouldn't get out of bed because I didn't sleep well and I'm tired and clear ladies or I'm so comfortable. My bed is the best place on earth.

Why the hell would I? I mean, and so I explain this to people and I share this and I disclose this because I think I don't want people to look at me and say, oh, she has something I don't. She has a cheerleading squad or she just has this desire and discipline. I have the most undisciplined mind there is,

but I overcome it every day. I make a choice from consciousness every day because I know what my life looks like when I do these things consistently and I know what my life, and I sure as hell do, I've spent a lot of time not consistent on my habits. I have a whole sample of evidence of what my life looks like when I don't do these things.

So I am not different. None of us are different. It's just overcoming your mind. So yes, when we label things like I am this, now I can't do these things. So I am not different. None of us are different. It's just overcoming your mind. So yes, when we label things like I am this now I've, I can't do anything. I've just like stuck myself. So the first step to, to, to discovering this dude, first of all, I love, I love you for saying that because I, I really try to share when I'm struggling with people because I want, I, I do and you recognize this or you wouldn't do that you recognize that you're you're hurting people when you pretend like you've got

some sort of skill and like that is ultimate awareness like when I when you know when these other entrepreneur dudes pretend like they got these superpowers and they work 75 hours out of 24 hours and i fucking love this shit yeah they love it yeah get the fuck out of here dude you're full of shit you're insecure you need to tell the truth because you're what they're doing is telling these younger kids if they don't if they can't nobody can work like that motherfuckers like that's a fact like i'm the toughest dude there is when it comes to that shit And I I spend my

Maybe not the toughest but I'm fucking up there You know and like I spend I spend my whole entire day putting out fires Of not one company Seven companies okay You see it Like dude it's hard It's hard as fuck for me dude

So I know it's hard for you. You know what I mean? Like, I just, that's a pet peeve of mine when people do that shit. Because like, I know what it feels like to be 19 years old and have nothing and be scared shitless and believe that I don't have what it takes. And then I see somebody out there saying, well, i got this and i'm this and i'm that and i'm so and i'm like fuck dude i really don't have it like that's bad man it's not a good thing especially when they add i did it in three years and you can too so that when those people actually don't do it in three years now they're a real big failure yeah and now they beat themselves up

another story becoming aware is the biggest part of it and I think, I think that's the hardest part. I think the very first step is like learning how to be aware. Like, the more awareness that I've been able to,

to cultivate in myself, the more I realize how unaware other people are. Yes. Yeah. Well, you're, yeah,

you're just starting to learn. Well, that's a big byproduct of waking up and consciousness. There's a lot of discomfort, whether it's within ourselves or within the behaviors in our relationships, the people that we're seeing. But I wanted to just go back to, because you're saying something else that's really important, Andy, which is that a lot of times that kind of outward projection of who I am comes from,

again, a very early learned place. So when we're kids, we are given messages of all sorts, direct, indirect, about, I'm really simplifying things, about what's okay and what's good, if you will, and what's not okay and what's bad. Yeah, you get programmed. Right, we get programmed. So we learn to sanction off sides of ourself

that aren't good, that are shameful, that I can't tell the world about. And that's how I actually define ego. Ego is this outward projection that I've assumed time and time again, because it got me love as a child. It got me a validation. It got me to be a good girl or boy, if you will. Right? So part of it too, is acknowledging for ourselves that we are actually all of it. We are the light, the dark, the good, the bad. I can have thoughts that are

terrible. I can do things that are lazy one day and not the other day. And I think another, you know, it doesn't mean you're lazy and it doesn't mean that. But I think we get trained that we have to only have this part of ourself that's okay, you know, to put it really simply. And that's in the self that we continue to show into the world. Meanwhile, there's a whole lot of other self behind the scenes that I'm so shameful of. And I can't show the world because of messaging that I do believe originates in childhood, in our caregiving environments, in our school systems, and the list really does go on. But I think when you are being honest and yourself and myself, and part of healing is being honest about we are all of it, all at once sometimes, and there are parts of ourselves. All of us are all of it.

Absolutely. All of you, all of us are all of it absolutely all of you all of us here every this is humanity we're talking about we all have things that we think are bad or that we're not proud of and we really don't know why which creates the anxiety right because now we don't know why we feel that way and we think we're fucked up and the truth of it is is we're not fucked up everybody else just fucked up, but nobody talks about it. Yep. You know?

And that's even like, that's like the tragic part about it, is like, we all have that shit. It's just, how good are you at fucking pretending like you don't? Yeah. And that's what's rewarded in society.

Because now, if you're fucked up at all in society, if you do any mistake, what happens? You're blackballed. Oh, from everybody. You tweeted when you were a seventh grader something offensive or are you fucking you know you're like these like it's just ridiculous like the price that some of these people are paying for human behavior in the media is insane like and so now that's even making it worse because now people like fuck nobody could know that i thought about that or i thought that joke was funny or i thought this was

that or this or that like because if they do i fucking i'm fucking over you know and so that only compounds the issue you know and we're all human man right i love how do you get somebody oh man how do you get somebody this is something i've always been curious about because i can't really awareness is a constant journey i think right like you're you're always developing like it's a skill right so it's getting better and better and better and you're getting better but it gets it does get to a point where you're so you're like hyper aware and it stops serving you almost for me. It does.

Cause I get paranoid. I'm like, like I over, like you, cause you and I discussed this, like, dude, I get this thing where it's like, I start worrying so much. Like, dude, what I like, and I'm not talking about on my podcast. Cause obviously I don't worry about what I put. I try to put out what I think is true, but you know, when I have a conversation with someone and then like, I'm analyzing the conversation for seven hours afterwards, wondering if I said every fucking thing the right way. And if they took it like this or that, you know, because dude,

these, these people, I care about these people. Right. And like, I don't want to hurt them. I want them to develop. I want them to be the best people. How do you, this is a two-part question. One, how do you get someone to start becoming aware? And two, what happens when they become too aware? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So awareness starts, like I said, with learning how to observe ourself, understanding the role we're playing, understand the role that our thoughts are playing,

having that little, I call it our observational kind of spotlight in our mind that is putting us on the map, like we are playing a role in this. But I agree with you, Annie, and there's a limit to that because awareness and observation is part of our mind. So anytime we are watching ourself or anytime we are hyperconscious, to use your exact language, to ourself, we are that much more out of our moment then. So I think awareness is really pivotal in our moments. But then once that moment is over, if we do carry that on, of course, we can have a little bit of a post-cap. Sometimes, especially if a moment was emotional, a post-cap is very helpful. Once our emotional brain dies down, I have access to now that

observational part of my frontal lobe so I can see what part did I play, but then there's a limit because the more we carry it in our minds, the more we're removing our, not only that, but we're removing ourself from our moment. So I don't know what might've happened for you over those past seven hours, but I assure you, you weren't fully present for it. It's like whenever you, you know, it's like you catch yourself daydreaming when you're driving and all of a sudden you're seven miles down the road. You're like, how the fuck did I get here? Yeah. Well, and again, a lot of us cause, not to say the most cliche thing in the world that I'm sure all the listeners have heard, but our mind is what causes us the suffering.

So we could be in the most peaceful moment, you know, an hour after a pretty difficult conversation with someone that we're coloring with stress and anxiety, even debilitating stress and anxiety because we're still reliving it in our mind. So our moments are so, and I tell people this all the time, the more you just become present to what's happening in front of you, the more you're going to be aware of all of the peaceful moments you have in your day that you are coloring with your mind. And sometimes, and it's so sad when I work with people, sometimes the things that we're reliving are years ago. And now not only are we carrying an event, we're turning it into a mood state.

We're making it our character now. I mean, we are really extending, not to say that these aren't, I will never invalidate the difficult things that we've been through, but we just saddle them up and saddle them up and then live them for, I mean, for some of us eternity. It's like making a shitty mixtape and throwing it on 24 hours. Yes. So there's a, yeah, there's a balance. I definitely have my share of mixtapes,

but it's a balance between when, when my mind is helpful and when my mind is not helpful and when I need to get out of my mind and just show up for whatever is in front of me. And that's just another level of awareness, to be able to recognize when you're doing that. Ever since our conversation a few weeks ago, dude, I was having a rough time, man. And I text Nicole and I said, hey, I know I'm not on your client list, but today I'm going to be your client. And, you know, we had a little conversation and uh it was very helpful and I that has helped me over the last couple weeks I'm so happy yeah because you gotta because I would say that's where I'm at like I'm in that position I'm in that place of like

feeling overwhelmed and and I think I do it to myself, you know, um, it's, and as I've progressed as an entrepreneur, I still feel like I haven't proven myself as an entrepreneur. So I've had this weird thing where like, I don't realize the weight of my own fucking language. Do you see what I'm saying? And so I've said things to people that I shouldn't say and are unnecessary to say to get the point across and it comes across abnormally harsh. Does that make sense?

Because I'm feeling like I'm still having to prove that I know what the fuck I'm doing when in reality all these people here, they trust that I know what I'm doing and I don't need to be like that. So I'm like going through this weird transition phase. Well, no, all these people here, they trust that I know what I'm doing and I don't need to be like that. So I'm like going through this transition phase. Well, no, you're illustrating. I say this all the time. I mean, it's more, I mean, whether what the person is saying to me, so someone speaks to me, it's more about them than me. Right. When I carry something away,

it's more about me than them. I mean, really, we have to understand the limits, you know, that we, that we're having, not only the limits of control. I can't control what anyone else says or does. That's a hard place for us humans to be. I don't like not to be able to control. I don't like to feel powerless. I want you to get better, and I understand that, and I have this all the time in my practice. I understand the limits of what I can do to impact someone else's get better, and that's a hard, powerless place to be.

That's where I'm at. So like, I care so much about my team here and who I employ and our customers and our legionnaires and our people, like everybody, our athletes. And I have that for all, I have those kinds of people for all these different companies.

And I'm just like pouring myself into them, you know, and then I see them do nothing. And I take responsibility for that. And I can't do that. That when I, when we spoke the other day, I offered that because I think I truly believe that being powerless and not feeling like we have control and likely this probably does come from back in childhood when we didn't have control. It's really intolerable for humans, especially humans who care, especially humans who want to see other humans succeed and are showing up to equip them with the tools to succeed. And people confuse that.

They say, dude, you're a control freak. It's not that I'm a control freak. I just want, I see what it takes to win and I want you to win and I want you to win. I want you to win. You know what I'm saying? Like I see it. I see the path that they don't see. And so they don't go on it.

And then I fucking feel like I didn't do a good job putting them on the path. Yeah. And then it all comes back to that because I've had to sit in a lot of moments where people I work with on Be Perfect Lines did not get better. In that old practice, in that old world,

people did not get better that I worked with. But I had to understand that when I went home at night and when I terminated treatment with them or whatever it was that it was not on me. You know, I did not, I did not not make them better. I cannot make them better. So once I understand that truth and once I internalize that I cannot make someone get better and I can't make someone get worse, then I can sit a little more comfortably that I've put the information out there and then there was my limit. And so they didn't get better. And I don't have to feel like I was less than as a person, as a therapist, as whatever. Cause that's what it does. It makes you feel less

than it makes you feel like you're not good at what the fuck you do. Like, dude, I'm sitting here with very cool businesses. You know, I don't feel successful. I got the number one podcast in the fucking world, dude, on our category. I don't feel successful. I got the number one podcast in the fucking world, dude, on our category. I don't feel like we're winning at that. You know what I mean? Because I'm not putting my winning in the ranking. I'm putting my winning in the results that our people are getting. You know what I mean? So it's like, you got at some point, man, you got to let some of that go as a leader. Otherwise you'll go insane. Yeah. I think we all have to find, we all have to find the good enough in ourselves,

separate from what the world shows up. Meaning I, and we start this again at a very young developmental age. It's very natural to look outside of ourselves to see how we're doing. Christ, that's what school is, right? You get grades,

you get rankings. We're taught that the world gives me feedback, right? And that's how I know where I fit or kind of where I rank or how good I am. I think our ultimate goal as humans is to evolve that the world's gonna show up and it's gonna show me some shit and it's gonna show me some shit I'm good at

and it's gonna show me some shit I'm not good at. And ultimately, I just have to be confident and secure and good enough in myself that I'm okay, to put it really simply, no matter what happens. Because I can't ride the wave of life, because sometimes you're going to have the really successful clients, and sometimes you're not going to have the really successful clients. And if I wore that as a reflection of me, I would be on a

roller coaster of crazy all the time and continuously feeling less than. So until I'm good enough, however people are showing me validation or not, then I'm going to, I'm going to be subject to that. I think that that fluctuation and it's just not going to be good for me. Talk about having peace. I need to have peace in my stability as who I am and how I show up. How do you help someone in a situation like that? Like, you know, cause that I hear you talk. I'm like, fuck dude, that's me. Like that is me. Like what's me is, is it doesn't matter how many people tell me like, Oh dude, I'm so proud of you or how much money I make or like all the fucking external factors that say I'm doing the right shit are there. All of them, every single one, every single one. My fitness is there. My fucking

money's there. My relationships are there my friendships are there for what i choose i don't like have a lot of friends i like to have a very tight circle because i don't like drama me too yeah so like i just i i feel like most humans are drama and i don't like it so i keep my circle real small that's it it's simple doesn't mean i don't like people i say i say it is i don't like people or like i don't really fucking like people but that's what the truth is i don't like the shit that comes with them because everybody wants to unload their shit on me just like they do you right i bet everybody wants to come talk to you you know it's fucking exhausting man how do you limit that it's hard i mean i get i I get all different types of requests and help and email life stories.

You're probably not good at saying no. Well, it wasn't easy. Honestly, I struggled with boundaries. I come from a very enmeshed, meaning boundary-less family. So no was very hard for me. But honestly, starting no's in my professional life allowed me to adapt no's more in my personal life. Because through an email, I'm going to be perfectly honest, it's much easier to say no. Shut my computer and run away and not have to look at it for a while.

And, you know, likely not hear back from that person that's preferable. Um, but I, I, I learned, you know, to put up boundaries little by little, but it's hard. I had, I had feel bads all the time. Oh my gosh, this person just told me their whole life story, you know, knowing that I can't do therapy over, over email. But yeah, it was really hard to shift that and to say no. But to speak to your point, I think I heard a question in there, Andy. How do I stop doing that? First and foremost, we all have to be aware, consciousness again, how often am I endorsing a not good enough belief throughout my day?

And the first step of change is get the hell out of that. If I ever, if my client doesn't do well, and I even for one second say, oh, it was me that they, I didn't do enough. Get the hell out of that. Get your attention away from that. Don't feed that. Our attention is our most valuable asset and resource. Do not feed because likely there might be something that you're kind of on repeat telling yourself. So the first step of feeling good enough for your own self and internalizing good enough is stop telling yourself that that was a reflection on you. Okay. So bear with me. Cause I think this is really relevant and I'm, I'm hoping that I have the, the ability to explain what I'm trying to think here. Um, so Andy talks about being frustrated cause he wants so badly to, to

motivate people to win. He wants them to win, knows that they can win. It's not that I want to motivate, winning is very simple. Right, right. It's not that I want to motivate them. Winning is very simple. Right. It's simple. Right. But my point is that there's that frustration and there's that wanting so badly. Imagine this shit. Yeah.

All right. You got a fucking horse. All right. And that motherfucker is like completely dehydrated and starving. Looks like a fucking skeleton. We've all seen like a horse like that, right? Or an animal where it's just, it's minutes away from death. Which if you ask anybody out there, that's where they are. Where are you? Oh my God. I'm not making any money. How much money

are you making? I'm making a hundred grand. Well, you're not not making money, bro. Like you're not starving, but everybody thinks they are right and then you got like lake michigan all right and lake michigan is right there and then you also have this fucking unlimited amount of like whatever horses eat what the fuck do they eat oh grass all right you've got kansas okay and then you've got Lake Michigan, and they're right next to each other. And you've got this horse, Mr. Ed, that's talking to you. And Mr. Ed is saying, hey, Andy, I'm fucking really hungry right now. And you know what, Andy?

There's some talent there for some horse Mr. Ed. I'm also, Andy, I'm also really fucking thirsty. Right? That's what I hear. This is what I hear from you guys. Well, motherfucker, there's Lake Michigan right there. And then there's Kansas. And they are right next to each other.

Right. But Andy, I'm fucking starving. I'm so thirsty. You know? And I'm like sitting there thinking like, Mr. Ed, here it is. So then Mr. Ed dies. like mr ed here it is so then mr ed dies and i'm sitting there looking at this dead mr ed and he can still talk right right even though he's dead he's like andy i fucking died because it's your fault all right that's what i think right and then i go away and i go home and i'm

like emily guess what fucking mr ed died it's my fault you know what I'm saying but like and then I and then I feel bad and then I'm like what did I not do like why didn't Mr. Ed you know and that's how I that's that's what this is like right but but and that makes a lot of sense but this kind of is going the direction that I know but it's going the direction that that so there is still an element of you feeling responsible and you feeling like you need to control that. And with me in my life, it's kind of different. We have different personalities. Whereas I struggle with, I, sometimes I struggle with if I'm really who I want to be, people are going to misunderstand that. And I was just,

you know, we were, we were misunderstanding or we were talking about, um, we mentioned Taylor earlier, uh, uh, holistic bliss on, on Instagram, but she was talking, she, she used a phrase the other day. I was like, oh my gosh, this is really stuck in my head. It's been so helpful. She said, you are not responsible for managing the emotional experiences of other people. And I was just like, unless you're in business. Well, right. But see, that's what I was thinking because I think that applies to him in different ways it applies to me. And I feel like this whole idea of, to me, it does tie into living consciously because it's part of living consciously is what can I control and what can't I control? And coming to a point where you realize I can do all, I mean, my boss is very results oriented.

Okay. I mean that in a positive way. You are, you're very results oriented, but people don't always, you can pour into them and they're not always going to get, you know, the results that you want. And I mean, for me, I'm the same way in a different, in a different facet of my life that I feel like, man, you know, if I do this and they respond this way, what am I going to do about that? It's not my business, how they respond. My business is to do the right thing and to be myself. And if they respond this way, what am I going to do about that? It's not my business how they respond. My business is to do the right thing and to be myself. And if they respond, I can't control that. And so I guess what I'm saying is like, as that applies to entrepreneurship, whether it's

leadership or customers or whatever, or just living our best lives, like your first step was teaching the meditation, you know, getting your mindful. So what's your next step in terms of dealing with understanding what we can control and what we can't control? Does that make any sense? Yeah, 100%. And I think one, we are taught that we are, a lot of us, let me put this this way, are taught some of us more so than others. I'm on that other extreme end of the spectrum coming from a mesh family. We are taught that we are responsible. I mean, think about what you, what you tell what what you maybe have heard as little kids you know don't do that you'll make dad mad or don't do this you'll make right so we i think the truth is everything you say is gonna do something to someone right

and what ends up happening is you stop saying anything yep that's that's meaningful and then you become like everybody else where it's this polite fucking bullshit conversation where you're driving a maroon motherfucking minivan with the same haircut as everybody else you don't want to step out of line like because they're they're fucking afraid right dude what if i buy a blue minivan instead of the maroon one well fucking john mrs johnson down the road she's gonna say that you're stuck up because you spent the extra four thousand dollars on the trim packet fuck mrs johnson i don't want to sit in those cloth seats motherfucker that's okay yeah i i totally get it dude i i get it i mean i don't i don't really want i'm saying but what it does bro is it fucking squashes people's will to say or do or experience any sort of life.

No, it does. I agree. And really learning that we are responsible for our own. Our job is to make sure that we're operating from the right motives and pure heart. We cannot control it if somebody twists that. We can't control that. And that's- It's easier said than done. It is easier said than done. Because I mean, you know, I'm not a car guy like you are,

but I mean, even for, and I know a lot of people, not everybody in our audience, but there's a segment that kind of share my spiritual background. And there's part of me like, I'm kind of glad I'm not a car guy because if I did buy a Lamborghini, oh, the former pastor is getting really materialistic and shallow, you know? Well, there it is right there. So a meaning was now assigned to that car, right? It's not the car. Or I must have sold out for some reason or compromised my principles. Well, that's the perfect example, right? We have things that are quite literally events, if you will, that are objective, that then get a meaning assigned. And again, we are taught, I believe a lot of us, some of us more so than others directly or indirectly, that whether it's

how we present ourself in the world, or like I was saying earlier, our emotional, or what we say, and that we are responsible and we have to worry about how everyone else perceives us in all of these ways. So again, something that was just objective, it's a car. Right? The concern is, what will that car mean about me? And that's what I'm reacting to, and that's what I'm concerned about. So if you can just separate that out,

and part of consciousness in developing that is, I have a course coming up where I'm gonna talk a lot about this, because another step of that is learning how to be a neutral observer. Meaning, fuck those meanings. That is the problem. The car is just a car. And if someone wants to take the car to mean X, Y, or Z about you or me or anyone, then that's again on them and not on me. If we can just start to view the world, ourself, even anything and everything as neutrally as possible, as objective as possible,

then I think we have more peace. We can just be in the world and it's not our responsibility because how can we control? Because the person who says that Lamborghini means that you could have another group of people that think the Lamborghini means something else about you. How the hell are you? You know, you're going to drive yourself crazy trying to manage everyone. And you do, you do drive yourself crazy. Not necessarily, I don't care about that kind of stuff for me. Like the material thing,

like I don't really give a fuck what people think. Like that's the shit I like. Like I don't, that's, I don't even, dude, you know, I don't even put, like I've got like 30 fucking cars. I post like four of them. Right. You know what I'm saying?

Like you guys don't even really know how much I enjoy cars. Right. So I don't really care what people think about that. My issue, my hang-up, like, your hang-up might be that material thing. Like, I move past that. My hang-up is the conversations I have with people where I know, like, I haven't fully understood. Dude, I feel like that regular dude, like, that grew up on fucking shitty gravel road that played in the fucking

street in his underwear like that's what i feel like like that's that's me like i'm a fucking normal dude from st louis like and i haven't fully grasped the concept that my words even mean anything does that make sense yeah i want to say you andy i listened to when you talked about the cars and i really like the way you said it too, because you like the cars because you like the cars. It doesn't have to go beyond that. Some people have the cars for a function. I have the car to show to the world that I've made it. That's the difference. And I think the more aware we are of the function that things are playing in our life, and if it's coming from a place of internal want, you know, that's going to be- you know that's gonna be another example on the opposite side of that so i'm also a big watch collector but you've never none of you have ever

seen me post a picture of my watch maybe once a year i'll post a picture of watch i don't post i don't collect watches because i want to show the world and fucking blah blah blah you know why i like watches because i value time first of all of all, I think it's fucking amazing if you ever go on YouTube and watch a watchmaker make a watch. That's incredible. And watch them make one. You watch, it is the most tedious, most incredible feat of engineering

that you could ever witness in your life. And to me, that's cool. But I don't need to like, like five years ago. Yes. I was the dude posted in a picture of my watch being like, yeah, motherfuckers. Fuck you. You know what I'm saying? But now it's not like that anymore.

And to be honest, I've, I've caught myself not even wearing watches anymore because of the perception of, of what other people think. When in reality, I was just wearing a motherfucking shit that I want to wear. You know? And so like, dude, that's the other end of the spectrum. The other end of the spectrum

is like you get shameful of it because you're like, damn, dude. You know? Because you get that one comment like, oh, dude, you're wearing an X amount of dollar watch.

Like, you could feed blah, blah, blah. Yeah, motherfucker, I am feeding those motherfuckers too. That's what you don't understand. You know? And dude, the bottom line is is like you don't you're not gonna win with other people no matter what you do right you just so you have to do what you like gotta win with yourself that's it and you have to just get centered enough that you can separate yourself out from all the feedback that

you get and and again don't get me wrong. Other people, objective eyes on us. My partners told me many objective truths that I did not want to hear that were helpful to me. Because I am subjective to myself. Meaning I live my life. I have somewhat of blinders on because that's all I know. So having someone point, that's why therapists are helpful. That's why other people are helpful. That's why having a great partner that's honest is helpful.

Because they will tell you things from a place of wanting you to improve. That's what I'm saying. We can't globalize. So all feedback isn't necessarily bad. It might suck to hear. But some of it can be of benefit. Because like I said, we are limited and our goal is to develop objective observer you know be an objective observer of ourself but sometimes

someone else can offer us something that it might suck to try on for size but we need to have i think you know kind of a secure place within ourself to go back to and try it on for size because not all feedback is even about us or is helpful to us so i'm not gonna wash it and say oh just fuck everyone i'm not gonna listen to anyone i don't think that helps in business either to be perfectly honest people say that you know people say zero fucks given yeah you should give a lot of fucks yeah like let's be real you don't give a lot of fucks you're gonna be fucked right there is a sense in which we should care what other people think exactly but you have to decide what you care about and what you don't. Like, for example,

we were on our Instagram live last night and some dude wrote, Andy is slime. And I fucking laughed. I'm like, did you see it? I saw it.

Yeah. It's like, out of all the people in the world, like, I know for sure, like, that might be some things.

I might be too much for people. I might curse too much but one thing i'm not is fucking slime no and so i read it for like two seconds i saw it and then i question it i'm like well are you slime and you're like no i'm not slime okay so i let it go like i didn't you know what i mean and so you have to know what to hang on to and what not to you know and a lot of some things are true like maybe I do say bad words too much so I try to like maybe work on that a little bit but really that's who's to say that I say bad words too much like most of your friends will

probably say I curse too much I don't. I have a bunch of new friends. But that's why they're your friends and not my friends. Right, yeah. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. And we all have uniquenesses about us that make us different in who we are. And the problem I see with people in business and in life

is that we're so used to getting and valuing ourselves based upon the external feedback that we get from everybody else that we train ourselves to only do things for that feedback. And what ends up happening is, is we create an identity instead of being a human. We now become an external feedback machine, which is why people end up not fulfilled. Because they can, like for me, like that's my biggest fear. I'm like, dude, am I going to end up like that guy that everybody like is afraid of? Like you made the money, you did this, you did all these things. But at the end of the day, and I just don't see how I could ever feel that way.

Because the truth of the matter is, is that I'm giving everything that I can give I'm giving everything I can give I couldn't give any more if I gave any more I would end up and this is the truth I would end up in an insane asylum do you do you believe that you work with me every day yeah I do do you oh for sure like if I gave any more would I go what I would end up in a fucking hospital yeah you yeah you would fall off the cliff I do want to I do sure. I do want to circle back to something because what you said was so powerful. I think you said something to the extent of, you know, I heard you say something to the extent of,

sometimes we do lie that doesn't make us liars. I thought I heard that, but basically that reminded me of something that I remember learning in seminary, which is- Wait, you mean like that time you lied about doing 30 shots? Hey, man. I got proof. How many shots did Vaughn do that night, Tyler?

I got proof. I think it was like five. Five? I thought you did three. Well, I hadn't drank for a while when I took those five shots. After five, the bartender definitely was giving you water. I think each one of those shots was like Jägermeister. That doesn't mean it's more than one.

You think that Jägermeister means That doesn't mean it's more than one. You think a Jägermeister means like two or three? Anyway. Did you pass math? No, I'm actually very bad at math. Really? I only like counting my Benjamins. Counting your what? My Benjamins. Get the fuck out of here.

First time a pastor has ever said that, by the way. He's talking about his arms or we're all thinking about his wiener now we are damn so i know you were all right so my back to my point my point note is that so when i was in seminary you know the the the original language is the bible is hebrew and greek and in greek in the gospels when it refers to like it's weird because it doesn't always come through in our english translations but if it refers to like, it's weird because it doesn't always come through in our English translations, but if it refers to like what we would translate the word as a liar, but the Greek actually that the literal word that it uses is says the one who lies or the one who commits adultery or the one

who does this. In other words, in that language, it didn't, it wasn't translated to define the person by what they did. It was, this is someone who right now is lying. And so I think, you know, back to your thing about worrying about becoming that guy. Well, maybe some days you are that guy. I mean, I'm just in theory, what maybe some days we are like, maybe you can be, and that's what I don't think people, people are not comfortable with the fact. This is definitely something I learned after 10 years of ministry. First year of ministry, I'm not sure I would have believed this. Last year, I would have.

Good people do really bad, stupid things. And we're just, sometimes we are inconsistent as human beings. And sometimes when it's ourselves who do something inconsistent, that messes with our narrative, right? And we're like, it's a shock to the system. And we're like, oh crap, I must be that guy. And we completely see ourselves through the lens of whatever it is we did. And, and I love what you're saying about like, you have to, you have to just shift. You have to be mindful and say, no, I'm not defined by this. This is something I did. And how then do I move on from it?

Yeah. And I think you can probably understand why you did those things too. I could even go deeper. There might be a reason why in that moment you lied. There might be a function of that for you. There might be something that's even deeper than that that can give you the understanding, again, further separating it from who you are and making it just a choice you made

for a role or a function or something that was important to you at that time. Right, and I think particularly with people from my sort of tribe growing up, when you're conservative and you're religious, I think the quick thing is to say, well, wait, are you excusing it? No, I think there's a difference

between understanding why you do something and excusing it. Right, yeah. I get those questions. Yeah. I get questions like that all the time. Every time I talk about, I don't believe that there's, you know,

personality disorders or this and that. And I look at everything in terms of, let's understand what's happening here. I find everything has a function. Everything is an adaptation. And then I'll always get those messages. Well, does this okay? Abuse this, that, the other thing.

No, there are still limits. Right. You know, we can still understand something, see why the things played out and still say, okay, and now this is my boundary or my line, which is okay or which is not okay with me, for me, to me, et cetera. And I like that because a lot of people, I think go more into that dichotomous black and white way of categorizing life that I don't think is as neat as that. I don't think it's ever as neat as that. Yeah.

I really don't like, cause like even in terms of people that they say like, well, there is bad people out there. I, Let me ask you, is there bad people? I do not believe that there are bad people. I believe that everyone, you know, again, decisions are made, you know, conditions are set. You know, everything plays a role. I don't think that we can just black and white, good, bad. Does someone have an evil gene? I just don't know.

I don't know if I believe that. Let me tell you why I think that. I think there are bad people. I don't think there's an evil gene. But the reason I think there are bad people is because they did a bad thing. They identified themselves as a bad person and then continued to just give in and do bad things over and over and over again because they chose to be that sort of a person. That's how I see it. So I do believe there are bad people, but I also believe the way they got there was for the reason that you're saying.

And they continue to choose that. I like that conceptualization. Yeah, I think that's a good way to think about it. And again, some of the badness, I can make an argument further back, starts again at a time and a place as an adaptation where that was the best option that they had. You know, where they had no more choices. Or that's all they saw. That's all they saw. That's all they saw.

They saw their dad beat the shit out of their mom every day. You guys have to understand, when you see someone do something every day that you're told at school and by your pastor and your church that you're supposed to listen to and trust and honor and this and that, and then they do those, that's normal. You're like, okay, well, I guess this is how the fuck shit goes. 100%, yeah. That girl talks back to me, I'm going to punch her in the face. And then you're like, well, I know that's it goes like that that girl talks back to me i'll punch her in the face and and then you're like well i know that's not good but that's how dad did it you know what i mean and then 100 i i guess more meaning that i don't think we arrive here however the hell you think we get on this planet as that bad chip but oh i agree yeah i agree and i think inherently we're all good loving beings that that, again, have had things happen

that I love the way you actually worded that. Yeah, and I think that no matter, like, there's people listening right now that are like, dude, I'm a bad person. No, you're not. And I'm going to tell you why you're not. Because the fact that you're aware enough to listen to a podcast that is geared around fucking getting better shows that you have the desire to not make the same consistent bad choices that you've made. And what you need to do right now is understand that you

are not a bad person. You have made mistakes. You have made bad decisions. Some of the bad decisions that you might have made may have been consciously bad decisions. Like you chose to purposely hurt that person or you chose to do that, but that does decisions. Like you chose to purposely hurt that person or you chose to do that. But that does not mean that you have to continue to do that. What it means is you have a choice now to either continue that behavior and that would make you a bad person.

When you consciously know you're doing bad things, you know you have an opportunity to change it and you still choose to do that? Yeah, that's no bueno. But, well, here's what I'm saying. I don't know that. No, I mean, I'm agreeing with you. What I'm saying is that if you can, and you should,

if you can recognize that all you've done is made, that you've made bad choices and decide that you aren't a bad person and you want to change, you're no longer a bad person. And so the fact that you're even listening to this podcast shows that you're aware enough that you need to get better, which means you're probably not a bad person. You see what I'm saying yeah i don't know maybe i'm fucking crazy no no i think it goes i think it goes back to what we're saying like human beings are we're complicated creatures it's it's it's very difficult to make broad

statements about really anybody and for me even the word bad i mean we'll you will use the old fashion word evil evil is a mystery. There's suffering. There's our life histories. There's our genetics. There's all sorts of things that make us both victims and victimizers. And we're broken people. We're sick people.

I don't mean sick in like the pathetic, you're sick. I mean, we need to help each other. We need to help each other. know we need we need to help each other and and uh let me let me let me ask you this yeah because i do i could talk to you forever thank you i am super interested like a lot of people don't know that when i when i applied for college i applied for psychology schools like that's what i wanted to do really that's awesome yeah um i wanted to make a lot of money doing it and I realized I couldn't make money doing it. You discovered the truth of it all? Right. Beforehand. That's the truth. But actually this gets into what I was going to bring up is you deserve to make a lot of money because you offer really good, valuable content. And I usually don't ask

people about this, but I know you mentioned you're doing a course. Tell me a little bit about that initiative because you, what you do needs to be out there. Like it needs to help on a mass scale. How do you, how are you going to do that? Because you just said the course, we haven't talked about this. So tell me about that. No, no, absolutely. So yeah, I mean, first and foremost, the reason I went on the platform is because like I said earlier, I truly believe that everyone can heal. So I've been totally

transparent. There's, I have worked with individual clients all along the way, all along the journey, but I will always say all of the tools and methods that I'm using with those people, I'm also putting on my Instagram. I also am very aware of the fact that people like to have a more kind of self-directed, here's all of the information, because my Instagram touches, you know, nutrition and lifestyle and subconscious and all of that. So my newest initiatives I want to put out, and the first and foremost, that kind of applies to the conversation that we've been evolving today, which is on consciousness. This fall, I'm going to release a course self-directed that way people can take themselves through, I think at this point, it's going to be a 12-week course in living in consciousness.

I think that's an incredible tool of change, and I think it really does, it's going to impact a lot of people. So I'm really excited. Put me down for number one. To put that out there for sure. I'm being serious. Yeah, absolutely. I'm going to talk all about it.

I know I could call and text you personally and all that, but I want to go through it. I know I could call and text you personally and all that, but I want to, I want to go through it. That would be incredible. Yeah. So, so my, my thought of that is, is because, you know, instead of people kind of sifting through all of the Instagram stuff, having just like actually a week by week, here's what you do every day.

Cause I know that people love, you know, instructions and then how to's. So taking all of the work that I've been doing with clients and accumulating now, I think I have a good idea of how to kind of teach people how to develop consciousness in their lives, you know, kind of taking them through a more structured program. So that I'm really excited about. And I'm also going to be, um, evolving the individual work that I've been doing into a more group meant modality. Um, because the reality of it is us humans are very much social creatures and healing

in a, in a group or in a community context. I mean, one of the most, I think, impactful things for me included with my Instagram is my community, is me being part of the community. I mean, I am healing right alongside and gain so much value from having like-minded individuals. Because again, when I went on there, a little bit of my reason was a little bit selfish too. I felt so alone. I felt like I was walking this journey and I was starting to make decisions in my daily life that were not mapped onto the decisions that my regular friends and my family were making. So once I found that there's a community of people that I can feel supported by and offer support to, that was just

really, really motivating and impactful for me. So I'm going to be offering that kind of group based healing too. I love running groups as well. So I'm very excited about that. So yeah, this fall I'm excited. I'm going to be rolling out some cool, some cool new things that I'm really interested to see. And I think that they're going to add another component to the work that I'm already putting out there.

Do you feel like you got into this field at the right time? Cause I feel like there's an awakening. Yeah. I mean, collective the, I think that the collect the collect i mean language that i'm sure probably everyone has heard like the collective is awakening and consciousness shifting and all of that i mean i think in two two ways to answer your question i think i got in at the right time like i said earlier i think that people are sick of the conventional options um i think people want a more they're not working people want a more whole and they're actually making people sicker if you

really want to ask well that's the that's the, that serves them. It's just like a lot. It's like a medical community. I was, I was naive too. Honestly, when I, when I first started waking up, I realizing that that medicine is a business was, I, I did not even very naively had my blinders on. Morality. Did not even, yeah. I did not even kind of put that together. And then once I did, it's like, oh, okay, that makes sense now. So I think, you know, holistically people are ready, but I think collectively, and this is a consciousness raising and awareness. And I say often I'm so excited to hear because I have so many parents out there that are interested and that are evolving and that are coming to consciousness and healing themselves. I'm really excited to see this newer generation of kids out there that are going to really kind of be parented in a new way.

I think it's incredibly inspiring. So, yeah, I think that people are ready. Especially, too, nowadays, because they actually have the scientific means to study it and get results. And it's fucking crazy. Yeah, it's cool. It's cool to see science somewhat catch up, depending on the science that you're looking for and where the science came from. Well, there's more information available now you know yeah when there's more information available people are going to consume more information when they consume more information to become more aware you know it's i think it's natural progression with technology you know people are just smarter

now no but i'm also talking about or dumber they can use instruments to literally get readings of the planet like the energy of the planet uh yes you know, like with Dr. Bruce Lipton, him doing the MRIs and the tumor just disappearing like that. It's like, oh my God. Yeah, incredible, incredible. And I'm really happy to hear the Bruce Lipton's and the Dr. Joe Dispenza's out there that are putting science to it. Because I know for a lot of people that's- Sorry, I meant Dr. Joe Dispenza. Yeah, no, they're all doing it. I mean, they're all kind of backing it in quote unquote science, if you will. And I think that's incredibly important because I know a lot of people out

there, you know, want that kind of stamp of, you know, kind of, but again, something I always talk to people off to, you really have to be aware of the science because just as much as probably science out there that's saying that's not the case. You really have to be aware that science, the business, like I said, and who's it being funded by and what is the agenda there? But yeah, I mean, I think I'm, I'm just so I'm excited. I'm really excited to see what's going to keep, continue to evolve. I'm excited to see. I'd like to have you on again when your course comes out so that people remember that it came out.

If you want to come back. Yeah, I would love to continue this. I love talking about this stuff. Yeah, me too. And I think people need it. Like for real. I know I need it. I think that the way I like to explain what you just said, Tyler,

to like, remember in the year 1500, right? People thought they had it all figured out. You know what I'm saying? Like they thought the fucking drawbridge was the shit. They thought fucking stone castle was impenetrable. You know what I mean?

They thought the world was flat. Tyler. Same. Look into it. I'm just saying dude like there's a lot of things we don't really know and there's a lot of things that we really don't know about the brain and so when you talk about manifestation and you know i think the worst thing that happened to the fucking people's awareness about the power of the brain the worst thing was that fucking that the secret okay because there is so much real shit behind that and that book comes off so fucking cartoonish and like i couldn't even read dude it's a fucking joke i'm sorry i very

much poo-pooed it myself i thought it was just woo-woo bullshit now that i understand that it's based on the law of attraction and speak it was also cool as I wanted to counter this just for one second. While I do believe that things are evolving and we're understanding, I also know kind of reading really old texts of mystics and stuff that actually a lot of this shit has been talked about before we had the science to have eyes on it. And I find that absolutely mind blowingly incredible. How the hell do they know this shit without eyes on things like we have now?

But sometimes you just got to believe in shit and like dude and and when jesus was walking to earth or whatever you want to believe right what was that year zero or 32 or whatever let's say 30 he's still walking around 33 all right i know he died at 33, but I'm saying like, just say in the year 30. There was no law of gravity, but if that motherfucker jumped off the top of a building, guess what happened? Splat. Okay? Because there's things out there that are just, they just are. Like regardless of what the science says or regardless of what someone's opinion is.

And I personally will tell you that that manifestation of your thoughts is real shit. Real shit. People, they want the proof. They want the study. They want this. They want that. Man, you would do yourself such a service just to start practicing that shit. You know what I mean? Like just believe it and do it. And then see if you, I don't need any science to prove that shit to me anymore. You know what I mean? I just know that it's there. Power of belief is everything. Speaking of Bruce Lipton, that's one of his titles of his book. I mean, it is, it doesn't matter if it maps onto quote unquote reality or not. If you believe it, it will come in your world. And I truly know that. I do too. Like, I don't believe it. I know it. I know it. I love that you said know it. Yeah. I was going to say a lot of people think they believe something, but they actually don't.

And that could be said just on the other side of it too. If we believe in limitations and lack, just like I did. And that's why I'm so, I share my story because I came from a whole different belief set when I entered my own healing journey to that which I have now. So with that also said, beliefs can change and we can have beliefs that limit us and we can have beliefs that succeed us. How big of a part of, I guess this is probably a stupid question,

but because the answer is probably everything. How big of a part is understanding someone's perspective in terms of you helping them figure out where they need to go? Do you see what I'm saying? Like what perspective they are endorsing? Where they're coming from. From like development perspective or their current? Like for example, maybe that's the wrong way to ask it.

So real world scenario, you're having a business meeting right and you have 20 years experience business and you know for sure that if you do x that y and z happen right you know for sure like for sure just like you you throw a rock over there in the water, it's going to make a splash. Like it's that for sure. But you have eight other people in the room that you've got to like convince that that their perspective is on understanding? I guess I'm answering my own question because it's everything. Like, because where they came from, what they saw, what they believe, what they observed will dictate whether or not they believe that that rock is

going to create that splash. Right. Our perspective is shaped by everything and plays a pivotal role in anything that then comes beyond. And it also can be shifted. I also think it's important to ask about perspectives because something I learned very early in my clinical training that I actually did learn somewhat through school was not to assume perspectives either. Not to assume that the words that we kind of throw out universally you know mean the same things each person so I think that answers us a little bit or touches a little bit similarly to what I hear you say you made you made a you made a a post one time man fuck you make a lot of good posts but this post stuck with me and I can't remember the exact words but you said something

about like we have to realize that all these things that we say and talk in our language and everything that we use all comes from perspective and it's all different for everyone. I can't remember how you said that, but it was like genius. Just to use a quick example, right? So if someone comes in my office as I'm anxious, I've lived anxiety my whole life. I'm going to say, oh, this is what they mean with anxiety. And I'm going to use my experience of it. Right. So that means I get nervous. I get panicky, I get this. But if I were to ask them, I might hear a completely different thing that they mean when they say anxiety. So I think that's another kind of example, too, of understanding that we all might be thinking we're talking more or less

about the same thing, or think that we understand X, Y equals Z, you know, but really, it's different for each of us, because we're all viewing it that lens of, to speak to, like you said, past experiences, thought, probably kind of all of that is factoring in and we might all think we're in agreement, but we're not, you know? So I think that's another part of it too, is understanding that, you know, sometimes we have to ask those more exploratory questions and see where someone's coming from. That makes sense why the drugs don't work for every single person because if we don't know where it's coming from you know if anxious is to mean three different things right to three different people and we're just saying that it is like what we think it is then the only way that we could possibly solve it for the other three people is if they happen to be describing an alignment the same thing that we're talking about which is actually highly unlikely yeah but part of it too is

understanding that our brain is going to do that because we take in so much information in any given second even our brain needs to categorize right things you know so it's it's natural tendency to hear anxiety and to run it through my filter so i have to be conscious and take an extra step to say well wait a minute what what does what, what does it mean? Cause if I'm not, that's what my brain is going to naturally do to just make sense of the world around us because we can't take every discrete new thing, you know, and apply a meaning to it. We are already doing that, you know, subconsciously. So let's talk about, let's just give them an example. Like, dude, I feel anxious all the time. Like all the time.

Like I'm always at like a level eight or nine, even when I wake up in the morning of like, I feel like, like my anxiety is like this weird feeling in my stomach, like a nervousness. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. Living in the past. How does someone figure out why they're having that why they're having anxiety yeah i mean there's so first and foremost and this is why to kind of bring it like love and apathy right like you you really care about something versus not caring at

all those are like the op what's what's the opposite of anxiety peace i guess right yeah but i'm saying like how do you move away from that? Well, you have to look at where it's coming from. So the reason I work holistically, especially because with something like anxiety and depression, sometimes there's physiological, not to say this applies to you, but sometimes there's physiological imbalances that are causing that feeling in my body, even downright panic for some of us based on the food we're eating or the activities we're doing or we're not doing. Sometimes it's anxiety, if you will,

is a symptom of something that's more physiological. So important to make sure that we're aware of how balanced our body is. And if it's not balanced, making sure that it's balanced. And then there's sometimes the mind part of anxiety, whether I'm not in the past, to speak to your point, Tyler, I'm ruminating or kind of my mind is playing the role in anxiety.

I brought up the physiological part too, Tyler, I'm ruminating or, you know, kind of my mind is playing the role in anxiety. I brought up the physiological part too, Andy, because a lot of times people who struggle with anxiety do have a peak of it upon waking, which sounds crazy. I was just sleeping. What the hell? Why am I anxious? Our cortisol spikes naturally in the mornings and cortisol is a, is a, is more of our anxiety fight or flight response. That's what anxiety is. It's an overactive fight or flight response, which evolutionarily we are all gifted with to save ourselves from the saber tooth tiger, but that's not there. So most of us are in a nervous system

that is just overworking itself, that has the result of too much cortisol, too much adrenaline, and sometimes when you wake up, which naturally it spikes to wake us up, then it kind of, if you already have too much of it, now you're going to have that more palpable experience of anxiety. That's probably why I don't sleep very well because it's probably always up. Yeah.

Well, that's what it is. So if you think about fight or flight, it comes from a nervous system response and our nervous system, as I'm sure our listeners can imagine, is very important. It affects all of us. And think about the anxiety symptoms. It is the nervousness in the stomach, the blood that goes to our extremities, the heart racing. And that's what we do when we need to run or save ourselves or fight or flee, right? The predator. I mean, that's what it's based on. Sleep is not on the docket. I mean, shit, if I'm running

from a tiger, I don't want my ass sleeping in a goddamn corner, you know, I'll sleep in the hut when I'm done. But so I think a lot of the times and most hyperactivity or hyper reactivity kind of on edge, hypervigilance, I mean, I'm looking for the next thing. That's all indicators of my nervous system. I'm too much in my fight or flight. So a tool I mentioned earlier, breathwork, really important for that because breathwork is the way that the other nervous system is called the parasympathetic. So when I do practices like breathwork, which I'm a big proponent of, I'm actually kickstarting myself back into that more rested state. As a human, we quote unquote should spend all of our time in that parasympathetic state only to use fight or flight on necessity.

And now, unfortunately, our external environments for most of us are stressors and our minds have become overactive stressors. So a lot of us, and I think that's to speak to the point of why our sleep system, why our digestive system. So people have anxiety, you'll hear report issues in all of those areas. And if you just think about it logically, it's because their body is waiting to do something, activate it when really there's nothing there to do.

See, I was giving myself severe anxiety a lot upon waking up uh just because i was trying to predict the future yeah and i was just like like i would come into work and i'd be like yes that's a protected protection because what that i i've said this for a very long time now people probably thought i was crazy at first but i truly believe one of the least tolerated human emotions is uncertainty, not knowing. And our brain does not like that. So our brain will try to predict the future. And if we're all honest, the future is all uncertain.

We don't know what's gonna happen in the next second, even if we try desperately. And that's why our brain tends to feel like it spins trying to predict this future because we're never gonna land on what it is until it happens. So a lot of times we do engage in that kind of forward, oftentimes if we're honest,

it's worst case scenario type of future-based thinking in an attempt to make ourselves feel better in the uncertainty of it. So I've, I'm so fucked up. I've actually harnessed that to be productive for me. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you can see that. Yeah. Like my intensity, my, my, my ability, the way I speak, you know, this building, all this shit that this all comes from that. Right. But now I'm to the point and I've always embraced it. I'm like, fuck yeah, dude. Like that's my, that's me. And I like that part of me. I love it.

But what I'm on my journey and where I'm at is to learn how to control that, you know, so that it's there when it, when I needed to serve me choice and when I want to be home and I want to feel comfortable and not anxious, I can do that on demand. Yeah. That's where I want to get to. Yeah, you said something earlier, and I'm happy we got back to this place, because endless to-do lists, achievement, all of that can be really productive for some people with anxiety, myself included. I was always a high achiever, I was always onto the next,

I was always keeping myself busy with the something else to do and achieve and make or whatever it was, because for me that was a great productive channel for my anxiety and then when I got the things or did the things, I got the feedback of the good grade or the success or whatever it was. Now I got to feel good in two ways.

I no longer felt anxious because I channeled it and I got the validation of what I accomplished based on my channeling. But I think you're right and I offered the word choice because I think any time we are in a place of choice where I don't have to activate to feel OK for my anxiety, we're in the most empowered place. So to speak to your point where I can go home and choose to turn it off and just be peaceful with my partner or whomever. And then when I can also choose to use the, you know, kind of whatever it is, the anxiety or production as an outlet for production, then I think anytime we have choice, we're really going to be in the most successful space.

That's where I'm trying to move to. Like I'm happy where I've gotten and what I've been able to do and where my life is right now. I feel good. Like I feel like I've done something. You know what I mean? I'd say.

You did a thing or two. Well, no. But I would never recognize that. Like even two years ago, I was like, no, I haven't done shit. I'm starting to realize, like, you know, like I see my guys building careers and buying houses and moving up. And I feel good about that. I feel, I see my customers and people who follow me improving and getting better.

I see people in Ed's group and in our group, Arte Syndicate, you know, I see them making more money and becoming more successful. And I see all of those so i'm like okay i'm doing something you know what i mean um and i've always been afraid to like ever turn that off because like all the cool shit in my life comes from that does that make sense so now but i feel but now i've realized that i've almost embraced it too much where i'm like dude dude, you need to chill the fuck out, you know? Cause like nobody knows what they're getting with you. Like one time,

one minute you're fucking happy and you're in a great mood and you're joking around the next minute you're choking someone's fucking life out of them figuratively. You know what I mean? And I want to be able to be strategic when i when i can utilize those tools just like you were talking about tools that you use for therapy there's personality traits or tools as well you know and if you're going to go try to drive uh try to install a light switch with a fucking hammer it's it's going to be a lot harder than if you just use a screwdriver so like you can imagine you can flexibility i say the word flexibility so often

but you can imagine my relationships right like i'm not talking about like uh intimate relation i'm talking about even friendships like dude imagine that like imagine like and this is where this is where the awareness is starting to come from. Like, imagine being friends with this dude who will literally do anything for you. Like, literally anything, right? He's fun. You have a good time with him. He'll make you laugh. But two or three days a week, he's going to scare the fucking shit out of you for no reason.

I know that dude. Yeah, I know. I know. Are we talking about the same guy here? Yeah. But that's what it's like. Well, then what i mean to be honest so i'm trying to get better about like not being that way right so that's the one thing i'm working on then i'm working on this other thing like where instead of me where like even since we talked two weeks ago like i'm a quick

learner like i had a dude kind of ago, like I'm a quick learner. Like I had a dude kind of smart off to me in a text message the other day. And so I sent him a voice. I said, don't fucking talk to me like that, bro. I said, let me be real clear. I'm the customer. You're the fucking business owner. I'm paying you.

Don't talk to me like that or I won't do business with you. And you know what? I didn't feel bad about saying it because it was the truth. Yeah. You know, and do I not like the guy? No, I love the guy, but he needed to hear that. You know what I mean? Cause he's getting too, too comfortable. And I didn't feel bad about it. And I, you know what I thought? I'm like, dude, you know what? Nicole would be proud because I didn't feel bad. I was like, you know, he fucking deserved that, you know? And could I have been different about it? No, actually I couldn't have because he wouldn't have got it. And that's what I'm starting to realize is like there's a time and place for me

to like you know unleash that kind of shit as opposed to just letting it fucking go and that sets you up to be more successful too yeah because when you're when you're strategic and when you're making those choices from that conscious place likely you're you're going to be listening to an intuition that's going to be accurate. That guy likely will take now here and take what you said and do something with it. Yeah. But I didn't call him back later and say,

hey, I'm sorry for that. Like I didn't. I didn't. I let him wear it. Because that's my MO. Like I'll fucking unleash on someone and then an hour later, I'll call him back and be like,

oh, bro, I'm sorry. And like normally, like people think, oh, that's a good thing. But it's not a good thing. Because the truth is I end up wearing that shit like there's something wrong with me when the whole fucking problem was there was something wrong with that motherfucker. You know? So like, I don't know.

It's just a puzzle. And I am a fuck. I'm like one of them big motherfucking puzzles. You know what I'm saying? Like that one, it's it's like 5 000 pieces you walk through the fucking store you're like oh that looks like fun he's more like that giant rubik's cube that's got life you get the motherfucker home you dump it out you're like fuck that let's make a hamburger dude but you know i honestly i like the fact that i think most people are in our culture are the exact opposite they're so nice they're so they don't know how to speak truth into people's lives i think that's why this podcast is so successful i really do i think i think i honestly have no idea why we on it well it's me but um but no i think i think our whole culture

has really like the whole concept of love in our culture is whatever you want coddle oh speak and that's that's like the opposite of what you are and i mean that in a good way like um and so i think it's a really good that's what i was gonna corrective you you just i'm glad you brought that up dude so you mentioned the group atmosphere right and the self-healing and the self-love and like you listen to my podcast you know how i feel about some of this shit at what point does it cross over from being real to like actually perpetuating the victimness yeah like that's a real problem yeah no. No, I love what Yvonne said because I had to learn as well, a new definition of love. I was the family of dance around feelings because the truth of it is I don't like to feel badly when I say a truth to someone. So I'm doing my, I am

protecting myself from the feel bads by just placating everyone in my life. So I say that to say that a lot of my own journey professionally was in my old life. That's me. As a therapist, I did not speak truth to people in my office. Whatever they were, I just met them where they were at. So for me, my own professional evolution has been embracing truth. And a big pivotal role was actually with my partner who really taught me the new version of love. That love means sometimes saying the uncomfortable truths to people to better them from a place of love.

Love isn't just dancing. Oh, absolutely. I mean, no, I wanted to, I thought she didn't love me. Honestly, no, if I'm honest, when she would say those things, I was like, what's wrong with you? That is not nice. You do not love me, you're not supporting me.

You're invalidating me. I said all of the things. So kicking and screaming, yeah. Now I respect her and I respect the growth. And so for me, I had to really incorporate those truths into my new practice because I realized that I was doing people a disservice in trying to avoid my own discomfort with speaking truth. It was again, like I was saying, all about me.

I couldn't speak a truth because I didn't like how it felt for me. It was, yeah, about the other person. I don't want to hurt someone else. But sometimes we have to hear some things that are hard to, to shift and change and evolve. Wow. A lot. I think a lot of you either have to like,

it's, you're either going to have to have the comp, the hard conversation with yourself. Damn dude, this is your first podcast. It is your first fucking rodeo, bro. You ever been in a business meeting before?

We got Dave laughing. Chicken wings. What's up, Dave? Dave, come over here. We got to put Dave on for a minute. Dave. What up?

This is Chicken Wing Dave. This is me. I love chicken wings and I like this podcast. Dave's got a sexy voice. But he's already taken. He has 4,000 kids. He's effective.

We'll just leave it at that. Dave, why aren't you wearing your chicken wing suit today? It's Friday. Bring your fry suit. All right, fry suit Friday, next Friday. That's Summer Smash. That's our HQ groundbreaking. Friday morning. Should I wear the fry suit? If I was really cool, that's summer smash yeah that's our hq groundbreaking friday morning should i wear

the fry suit if i was really cool i wear the fry suit to our groundbreaking the guy who owns the the fucking uh the developments he came in yesterday and he's like oh we're gonna do this groundbreaking really cool dude really like him a lot i'm like can we wear whatever we want and he's like yeah man we're wear whatever you want. I'm like, can we wear whatever we want? And he's like, yeah, man, wear whatever you want. And I'm like, do I need to wear a suit? And he's like, no, you wear your fry suit. I don't know. I guess we can wear whatever we want. Now I think I have to wear the fry suit. I mean, I know you're new at being cool. Yeah, I am new at being cool. See, Dave's my, Dave's my connect to the youth. Like,

like Dave tells me what's cool. I don't listen to Tyler. Cause Tyler, see Tyler thinks he knows what's cool. Dave knows what's cool. And that's probably true. Yeah. Fuck you,

Dave. Real, real talk though. Like real, I'm a better human because of you. I mean that. That means the world. Yeah.

Like I'm so humbled to hear that. Thank you. And I appreciate it. It's. Well, honestly, I mean, speaking of truth, I mean, you, when I said earlier, you were a huge inspiration to me. I mean, you are, you really showed me a new side of being able to tell people things that, you know, are for the betterment of them coming from a place of, of want for them to be better. So you've affected me just as much. Well, I, that means a lot to me.

And I don't know. Like, I feel like I'm an idiot. Like, I'm just on here talking all the time. So, like, thank you. That's all I'm going to say. You kind of hope that you could go back to Cornell and go, man, I wish I could have done my PhD on this guy. Did you go to Cornell? For undergrad, yeah. Oh, did you? Yeah. Dr. Prada went to Cornell. Oh, man, I wish I could have done my PhD on this guy. Did you go to Cornell? For undergrad, yeah.

Oh, did you? Yeah. Dr. Prada went to Cornell. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Cool. But he went to learn how to make boobies. I was going to say, and Nicole could have gone back and you could have done your PhD

thesis on the psychology of Andy Frisella. Oh, fuck. That would have been complicated and interesting. And my first case study. That would have been complicated. And my first case study. That would have been a long paper. There is lots of shit down there. I promise you that. But I really mean that.

It means a lot to have you here. I really want you to come back, especially when you're going to put out your courses. Yeah, for sure. I love these conversations. Any initiative that you have, these guys listening are going to support you. I know they are. And initiative that you have, um, these guys listening are going to support you. I know they are. Uh, and I just want to say thanks for coming and making the trip

and being on the show. And, uh, more importantly, um, thanks for making so many people better. The people are better because of you. That's means the world. Yeah. There's a lot like Vaughn and I have been having a lot of discussions about where we want to take the podcast and, you know, we've had all the instagram entrepreneurs on here and honestly man like we're getting away from that uh i don't feel good about that direction i really want to showcase and feature people that are really doing good things um not necessarily talking about doing good things just to make money which is what i've realized a lot about the space um the entrepreneur space we're actually talking about doing good things just to make money, which is what I've realized a lot about the space, the entrepreneur space.

We're actually talking about taking the podcast a completely new direction, honestly, which will be fun. Like a fitness modeling type of thing, maybe? No, dude. You're trying to see hot girls. No, I was talking about me. I was going to do the fitness modeling because I'm getting swole. You actually could, I think.

Well, yeah. I'm working on it. Dude, you look good, man. Thanks, man. Yeah. You want me to take it off here? Yeah, fine. No, it's off.

Hey, you know what? I'm secure, dude. You look good. Like, real good. Well, I'm not coming to any pool parties because- You look better than anybody else there. I don't want to cause any problems, you know? Like Tyler.

Yeah, exactly. You know? Tyler, I think Vaughn looks better than you, bro. Hey, let's take the shirts off. So I'll tell you what. Tyler's got, I mean, I'll hand it to Tyler. Tyler's got good calves. I got, I'm still working on it.

You're like the whole package though, right? I am the whole package. That's true. You guys are so funny in your calves. Many men are very interested in their calves. I don't know. Maybe it's just not me. That's because she's had a brat about it all the time. I used to have really good legs.

I won the leg contest on prom night. Get the fuck out of here, dude. We just talked about telling lies. Now you're telling a lie. They had this thing where they had this big sheet of paper and all the guys walked behind it, and they only saw your legs. And I won that.

You had pants on. I won that. No, I didn't. No, I won that. But now that I'm older, my legs have kind of deteriorated. So you took your pants off at prom with a bunch of other dudes? No, dude, it was in the early 90s. You had really short shorts.

At prom? At prom? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. It was the after prom party. That's what it was. See, now you're just making shit up. No, it's after prom party.

Hutchinson High School. I've been in for pictures of that. It's a day before the mic retired. Men in shorts and prom party. That's what it was. See, now you're just making shit up. No, it's after prom party. Hutchinson High School. I've been in for pictures of this. Men in shorts and a prom picture and boutonnieres. It's like when Vaughn was talking about his karate belt. Yeah, right. Dude, I'm a green belt. Shall I mess you up? Dude, Dave's Asian.

I know. If you karate chop your ass in half. Dave does not self-identify as Asian. That's true. That's true. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have the inherent ability. That's true. Like, this is some racist shit we're saying right now.

Like, all of you Asian motherfuckers, like, you guys know karate, right? I'm triggered. Well, my favorite movie is The Karate Kid. and i've watched that like let me see your crank 20 000 times but dave is the least asian dude asian dude he doesn't even like asian food he doesn't even like asian food oh man well seriously though thank you so much for coming on thank you so much for having me this was truly a pleasure and I really hope that your audience found someone benefit from this for sure guy uh let them know tell them your instagram handle yeah absolutely it's the dot holistic dot psychologist that's pretty much my main hub I'm there daily um living living the work just like everyone else that I'm

always talking about doing um but yeah I have a youtube channel the holistic psychologist also a website your holistic psychologist, also a website, your holistic psychologist.com. But the Instagram is really the way to go. Everything comes through there. I love it. We'll, we'll shoot some links on our website.

It's by far my favorite account to follow. By far. Not even close. He's been saying that for a while. Yeah. I was saying that before we ever talked. I thought it was me. I thought I was his favorite account,

but you know, I'm sorry then for the disappointment. You know, that sucks. But no, yeah, we'll, we'll, we'll put links to your website and your social media contacts, um, and all that good stuff on our andyfrisella.com website. Cool. Oh, you got an announcement. Oh, thank you. Yes. So for those of you who have been patiently waiting for the winners of the Delta Blue Gene competition. I have them.

One of them, I'm not totally sure how to pronounce his name. You always do that. Just go right into it. Well, you know, I'm really excited. 100-0, bro. Just let it rip. These are two super fans. The first one is Jairo Bernal, who is the MFCO machinist.

Yeah, the guy's a stud. He's a stud. He's a super fan, number one. He made our coins. Yes, he made our stud. He's a stud. He's a super fan, number one. He made our coins. Yes, he made our coins. And I just, like, he has been, he's OG. I love that guy.

He's OG. So, Jairo, and I'm sorry, dude, if I'm misspelling it, but I think you told me that's how you pronounce it, not misspell it, but pronounce it. Jairo Bernal, MFCO machinist.

You win Delta Jeans. Second one is also a super fan. She did 75 Hard and it's been around for a while. Her name is Tegan Funk. Sweet. Funky town. Funky town. Yeah. So both of those- Those jeans are sick too. Yeah. They're going to get it. So we'll set you guys up. We'll reach out to you,

get your measurements and everything. I'm not sure how that, well, I guess we don't get the measurements, but- Nick and those guys. Yeah. Nick and those guys do. So we'll connect you with Blue Delta Jeans and get you suited up. All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening. Make sure that you guys follow Nicole and read her stuff, man. I don't need to. If you follow her at all, you know it's great.

But for you guys that aren't, it is really great. Really, really good stuff you're going to pull a lot from. So make sure you check her out. And guys, thank you so much for sharing the podcast. Thank you so much for all the positive reviews and rankings. Oh, excuse me. I had the hiccup. And that's the show.