REAL AF with Andy Frisella - Peer Pressure Will Help You Dominate or Do Nothing, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO4

Episode Date: June 30, 2015

Peer pressure can make you or break you.  Your peer group largely determines your success in both business and life.  So it is critical to choose your friends wisely.  Do they influence you to dominate--or do nothing?

I'm all done to my friends, I'm all done to my friends, I'm never gonna settle, settle. Hey guys, what's up? This is Andy Frisella and you're listening to the MSCEO Project Podcast. If this is your first time listening, I'm an entrepreneur. I started 16 years ago with $12,000. My business partner and I, Chris, we started a nutrition store. First day in sales, we sold $7. It took us eight months to have a day over $200. We lived in the back of that first store, and we talked about conquering the world together. Today, 16 years later, we do over $100 million in sales annually.

We have over 100 employees. And this is my way of cutting through the bullshit, getting you the facts, and bringing you the truth of entrepreneurship. I'm here with my co-host, Vaughn Kohler. How are you doing? And today we're going to talk about what, Vaughn? Well, we're going to talk about your peer group. Peer groups huh? Yeah peer groups. Sounds exciting. But before we do that I noticed you were passing around a book earlier. I was. Yeah you're a Gary Vaynerchuk fan. I am. Yeah what was the book?

The book is Jab Jab Jab Right Hook. Yeah tell me why you're passing that around. I'm fascinated. Because we have a, here in the office, I like to educate the young fellers. Yeah. And when the young fellers don't listen to Andy, sometimes they listen to actual books. Right. Even though I may have already read the book and took the lessons and tried to teach them. Right. They might hear it better, you know, straight from the man. I like Gary. Yeah, I do too. He's a great guy. Yeah. I've never met him

in person, but I'm a big fan of, of the work that he does. Um, passionate dude, definitely, you know, no bullshit guy. Uh, and, and I can appreciate that. And you said you have read crush it. Oh yeah. Yeah. Great book. That's a great book. I would recommend, he's one of my favorite authors. Yeah. You know, Gary, Jeffrey Gittemer, Seth Godin. I don't see how, you really can't be in business and not read those guys' books. Right. I mean, that's it. Every single one of them, too, not just like one of them.

Well, Gary's a lot like you. I specifically remember watching a podcast of his, a video podcast, where he talked about how everybody obsesses about what you name your product. And he's like, it's ridiculous. If you have a good product, just name it, whatever it will be, it will be a good product. Yeah. People will find out about it. He, uh, he's, I think his point was, you think naming things, Google or Amazon or Amazon, right? It's, it's the quality that you bring to. Yeah. I find that to be true. I feel like people stress far too much on, I actually just made a post about this on Instagram, um, last night. They stressed far too much on the marketing and the idea of trying to quote unquote trick

somebody into buying their product. Right. And whenever they should put that energy into creating a tremendous value, an awesome product that solves a problem better than anybody else. Right. You know, if they didn't spend so much time worrying about where this period goes and where this underline goes and what paper the label's printed on. I mean, all of those things are important because you don't want your product to look like shit. Right. But how about spending the same amount of time talking about the quality of the product or how it's going to solve a problem or how it's going to help a customer?

Right. And those are the conversations that the winning companies are having and the losing companies are not. The losing companies are having the conversations that you just mentioned. Oh, what should we name it? Right. Should we name it Unicorn Meat 357? Oh, no, I think it should be Unicorn Meat 356. Nobody fucking cares right make a great product and people will learn the name and it will brand itself yeah another another company that whose name doesn't give any indication of

what it does is zappos and i know you're a huge uh aren't you a huge zappos fan yeah man tony shea yeah he's a fucking innovator of modern business, in my opinion. You talk about somebody who has dissected the key to growing a business through cultivating good culture and belief and values. I mean, he's the man. I mean, if you haven't studied that, if you own a company and you have employees, and I don't care if you have one employee, 10 employees, or 1,000 you haven't read that man's book, uh, delivering happiness. Yeah. You're missing out. Yeah. He's, he is a, uh, he's a true genius. And I'll be honest, man, that book, that book, reading his story, watching him, learning from him from a distance has made me millions of dollars. Yeah. I mean, great endorsement. Yeah. I mean, and if, but I'll bet you half the people listening won't read the fucking book either, you know, but because they

think I'm exaggerating, I'm not exaggerating. The book made me millions of dollars. Right. Fucking read it. Right. Well, you know, we, uh, we mentioned that we're going to talk about peer group, uh, the, the people that you surround yourself with, um, in many cases, that's going to be the friends you surround yourself with. And, you know, I was thinking about our friendship, and I know how much you like to razz me about being a former pastor, and it just dawned on me why we're friends, you know? Well, why is that? Well, I'm a former pastor, so, you know, I'm a lot like Jesus,

and Jesus was a friend to sinners. Hey, man. Makes sense to me. Well, what do you want to talk about when it comes to you? You're always saying, Andy, that, uh, your, your, your peer group largely determines your success. Let's, uh, let's unpack that next couple of minutes. So, you know, that what the cultural hot term now is on, on social media, right? Right. When it comes to like, you know, oh, I'm doing something and people are what? They're haters. Okay.

Everybody's a fucking hater. Right. You know, okay. It's you against the world. Yeah. I could appreciate that mentality. Yeah. Right.

And sometimes you got to lie to yourself and like everybody hates you just to get motivated. I get that. Right. All right. But here's the reality. If you're going through life and you're being a normal person and you're not really trying to do much of anything, you know, I'm a, we're in the fitness business and a lot of people are like, Oh, I've, I work out.

So I have these fucking haters. No, you don't have any fucking haters cause you work out, dude, you're, you're mentally creating limits in your own brain and criticism in your own brain that do not exist in reality. Right. Nobody's fucking hating on you. You don't have haters now if you're actually doing something if you're creating a business if you're creating a culture if you're creating a project a product and you're doing something you're seeing some success you are going to have people that don't like that success they're not going to be comfortable

with that success because of a couple reasons one you're any of any success that you have reminds people of what they could have done had they just done the work that you did right okay and by the time you've achieved any any success you're in a situation where they can no longer go back and do that you know there's that saying uh that uh what is it the the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, but the second best time to plant a tree is today, right? But people that aren't willing to do the work don't think like that, all right? They think like, oh, look at Vaughn, you know, he's doing well, he's done this and this and this, and, you know, he's just greedy, he's self-centered, you know, he's just,

you know, he thinks he's too good for us and blah, blah, blah. Well, yeah, you know, he's just greedy. He's, he's a self-centered, you know, he's just, uh, you know, he thinks he's too good for us and blah, blah, blah. Well, yeah, you know what? Um, there's nothing wrong with that. Right. Right. What's wrong with not wanting the same thing that you've always had. Right. There's nothing wrong with that. Right. You know? And so you are going to make people uncomfortable when you have big dreams and you have big goals and big ambitions, you're going to make people uncomfortable and people are going to criticize you they're going to say oh why are you doing that oh you don't have to do that or you're wasting your time or you know you're a dreamer you're you're unreasonable dude that's part of the fucking deal right you know anybody who's thought anything big has heard those things.

Right. You know? You know, I wonder if there's a little bit of intelligence, and you were kind of talking about this, but a little bit of intelligence in trumping up the idea that, oh, I have haters, because I think people inherently know, even if they're not super smart, that, well, it's kind of like Winston Churchill said, you have enemies? Good. It shows that you stood for something. That's right. So people want to act like they have haters to sort of give the impression that they are accomplishing something. You think they think that deeply about it or maybe I'm giving them too much credit? Yeah, I think you're giving them too much credit.

I think most people invent resistance. Right. They think they're letting their own internal voice, which Seth Godin calls it the lizard brain. Yeah. But they're letting their own internal voice that we all have dictate and create boundaries for themselves mentally. Right. Okay.

Right. So like, you know, for example, I'm into cars. I have, you are, I have a nice collection of cars. I'm into cars. You are? I have a nice collection of cars. I love cars.

I've loved cars since I was a kid. I'm not apologetic for it. And if people don't like it, I really don't give a shit. Right. But I take pictures of my cars and I post them online and all that shit because I think it's cool. Right. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah.

All right. Now, were you a Hot Wheels guy when you were a kid? Oh, yeah, I did. Yeah, okay. Micromachines a Hot Wheels guy when you were? Oh, yeah, I did. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Micro machines, Hot Wheels. Do they, I, you know, I have a little girl, but she's not old enough to know if, I'm not, she's not old enough for me to know if this toy is still around.

But do you remember those Tyco sets that you, like you put the, you put the cars on these tracks and they were like electric tracks. You put. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like the trigger thing. Yeah.

Do people do that anymore? I don't know. Those were sweet. Those were awesome. Anyway, sorry, I got you off. Dude, you remember the trigger thing yeah do people do that anymore i don't know those were sweet those were awesome anyway sorry i got you off dude you remember the tracks the orange one with the orange ones oh yeah and they go in the dark ones and they had beat with those they had gi joe that's what my dad used to spank me with that's yeah now if dad spanked the kids with those today end up in jail that's true you know but yeah that's true i know there's people out there listening they got their ass beat with the uh orange racetracks yeah that's true but uh but but uh you know here's the deal i have a got their ass beat with the orange racetracks. Yeah, that's true. But here's the deal. I have a theory on Hot Wheels, by the way.

We're going to get off subject. I have a theory on Hot Wheels that, dude, successful kids play with Hot Wheels because they get into cars. Cars are expensive. It gives them a natural goal through life. I have never met a successful guy that I know that didn't play with Hot Wheels personally. So if you want your kid to get in the entrepreneurial mindset, buy him some fucking Hot Wheels. Yeah, I should mention to our listening audience, if there are any executives in Hot Wheels, we are very open to a corporate sponsorship.

So contact Andy at Andy at MFCEO.com. I just want some Hot Wheels, man. Yeah, well, that'd be great. But no, man, you know, I don't think people, I think, you know, I used to be very reserved about posting pictures and letting people see what I did because I always thought that people would hate me because of it, you know? And I'm like, man, if I post that, nobody's going to want to shop at my businesses. Everybody's going to fucking hate me and blah, blah, blah. Right. And dude, you know what? I had a conversation with

my buddy who is very successful guy. He's also a car guy. And I said, and he's, he owns a couple different, uh, high-end cars. He's got a few Lamborghinis. He's got a McLaren and he's, and I'm like, man, dude, you know, he was just driving wherever. I mean, he drove him everywhere. You know, he drove him to the gym. He drove him to get coffee. I mean, that's what he drove every day and i'm like todd dude don't don't you employees like get really fucking pissed at seeing you drive those cars and your customers like don't they like you know think that's like bad and blah blah he goes he looks me like dead in the eye and he just goes do you want an employee working for you that doesn't aspire to be successful? Good response. And it really kind of unlocked my thinking, like, hey, I might be just imagining this shit.

And so I took my time and I posted a picture or whatever of one of my cars. And, dude, people fucking loved it. So all the things I was telling myself were total bullshit, you know? And I had imagined that everybody would hate it and, and then they did it. They loved it. You know what I mean? And so when you have to think about like, um, you have to think about, are you really having haters or are you hating yourself? Right. Are you putting own thoughts in your brain do you have any concrete evidence that you have somebody that's hating on you and dude hating on you is like trying to fucking sink your business strategically somehow right you know like it's not like oh fuck that guy

dude here's the reality of life it's it's 50 50 it's republicans democrats it's fucking ford chevy all right you're not going to appeal to 100 of the people the most people that you're going to appeal to is 50 of the people you are far better off spending your time appealing to the 50 that already like you and making them love you than you are trying to appeal to 100 and making them like you because the most you're going to get there is fucking average, right? You're going to get vanilla. You're going to be nothing. You're going to mean nothing. You're a stand for nothing. You're going to make nothing. Right. Right. So where do you want to be? Right. You know, and, and, and dude, people spend too much time thinking like, I've got to please everyone.

I've got to make everyone happy. I've got to make everybody like me. And when you do that, A, you're dulling down your shine. You're dulling down what you stand for. You're choosing to stand on the fence and be in the middle and be like every other fucking sheep out there. And the reality is, is that that's not what life is about, man. It's okay to have your own beliefs. It's okay to stand for things. It's okay to have your own beliefs. It's okay to stand for things. It's okay to have an opinion.

And those are things that make you you. And I feel like people spend so much time worrying about what everybody else is going to think that they end up not even living their life. They end up living a life that's not even theirs. They end up living the life that they think everybody else wants them to live. They get to be 100, and they're on their deathbed, and they're like, fuck, dude. I didn't do anything. Right. And taking what you were saying about the 50-50 thing, basically there are people who are going to see your car,

and they're going to celebrate your success, and they're going to be people who see your car and resent you for it. And there's nothing I can do to those people. Right. I can't, I can't do anything to those people. I can't affect their thought process. They're so far gone. There's nothing I can say or do to fix it. Right. So it doesn't make a difference. And I know you, you brought this up a while ago, you and I were talking and you were saying, you know, you, you used to be really self-conscious, kind of like what you were saying. You used to be self-conscious about, about driving these cars around, but now that you aren't you there are all sorts of stories where you're running into you know you're pulling up into a gas station and little kids are running up and they're just amazed and it provides a great opportunity to brighten some little kid's day

you have no idea how much of that it is it's 10 times more of that than it is any negativity i have never one time had a negative experience in one of my cars ever. Not once. Right. Now, maybe when I drove away, somebody said, hey, fuck that guy. But I don't know that for sure. So if I were to think that I'd be making it up my head. Right.

Right. Right. And honestly, do I really give a shit? No. No. Because it doesn't matter. Right. You know, I'm fucking driving away in my Lamborghini smiling.

I'm having a good fucking day. Right. If you don't like it, tough shit. Right. Go do the shit that I did for the last 20 years. You know what I'm fucking driving away in my Lamborghini, smiling. I'm having a good fucking day. Right. If you don't like it, tough shit. Right. Go do the shit that I did for the last 20 years. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. So, dude, let's be real here.

It doesn't fucking matter what other people say. And see, and that's where this gets dangerous. Where it gets dangerous is that people listen to what other people say, and they take into consideration what other people say when they're not even saying it. All right? So people mentally create quote-unquote haters in their mind, pretend they're saying shit, and then don't do shit to appease people that aren't even really saying negative shit. Right.

It doesn't make any sense. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. Do you understand what I'm saying? Absolutely. So you're, you're basically talking yourself out of being great. Right.

Right. You know what I mean? That's what it is. It's you talking yourself out of being great. Absolutely. Now that I, I can imagine there's people out there in the, in the listening audience who maybe they were dropped on their heads when

they were kids or they had one too many, I don't know, sniffs of, do you sniff, do you sniff glue or are you, I was going to say sniff marijuana. See, don't know, sniffs of, do you sniff glue? I was going to say sniff marijuana. See, I don't even know if you, do you sniff marijuana? I don't know, man. You know, I don't know.

No comment. Anyway, my point is, is that they're probably thinking, what? Okay, wait, I thought you were going to talk about peer groups. Why are you talking about haters? And what the rest of you don't realize is that you guys are playing checkers and we're playing chess because what we're talking about here is the very foundational truth of your peer group. You're either going to be surrounded by haters

or you're going to be surrounded by people who want you to succeed. That's right. So flesh that out a little bit more. Look, here's the thing. You only have so much daily energy. You've only got 100 units of energy. And if you spent 80 of them trying to appease people that are negative and pulling you back and telling you things like, you don't need to be doing that.

Why are you doing that? Constantly questioning your dreams, making you doubt yourself. You know, I don't know if I should really do that because mom and dad think that that's stupid. Blah, blah, blah. Like, dude, all this shit. If you spend your time dealing with that, you don't have the proper energy it takes to move forward. So people think that they can maintain a peer group that's negative because they have these weird feelings of, like, loyalty. Like, oh, I've known them my whole life.

So what? Right. Oh, they're related to me. So what? Right. If they affect your life in a negative way, they shouldn't be fucking in your life. Right. Oh, they're related to me. So what? Right. If they affect your life in a negative way, they shouldn't be fucking in your life. Right. So they tell these stories themselves about being loyal to these people who have nothing good to offer these people,

don't support them, don't encourage them, don't push them forward, and they feel like they need to be around these people. Right. Because of obligation. And maybe they need to be in their lives per se, but they certainly don't need to be the primary influence. I mean, dude, I'm pretty cutthroat. Like, dude, if somebody fucks with me in terms of like what I'm trying to do, they're out. Right.

That's it. I look at it as a sports team. Right. All right. You're cut. Yeah. I've got my own sports team. I'm trying to win the fucking Super Bowl.

Right. And if you're on the team and you're hindering that, you're fucking cut. Right. That's how I look at it. Right. And so not everybody has... That's how I look at it. Right. And so not everybody has – that's something I've grown to do. And any person who has truly built something from zero to big – and we're not even big. We're what you would consider, I think, like small and medium.

But I'm talking billion-dollar companies. Those people don't surround themselves with the people they grew up with just because they grew up with them. You know, so the idea that you can surround yourself with people who are negative and hold you back and still be successful is total bullshit. You can't do it because you only have so much energy and that energy has to be spent on being creative, on being productive, on talking about moving forward, on working with people who are also like-minded on moving forward with projects. I mean, there's just a multitude of things that you have to do to be successful and spending

that time worrying about what Aunt Susie said about your dream or your friend from kindergarten said about your new car is fucking not one of them. Right, right. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. So, I mean, my hope, and I know it's your hope too, is that the MFCEO project is going to be different from other, you know, quote unquote motivational speakers or success podcasts. We're not about just giving these broad, you know, cliches. We want to unpack it and share the truth. So I have a two-part question for you.

Number one is the term negative, as in negative people or haters, that's pretty broad. Yeah. So unpack, like, what are specific character qualities? And then the second thing I want to, and maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but I would really like to know, I mean, sometimes people who are negative are really sneaky about it. Like they're passive aggressive or they're sort of. So talk about like things, character qualities in people to watch out for. And maybe even some of those things that people do that are not overt.

They're not over there going, man, I think you're going to fail. Look, man, if somebody is fucking neutral about your goals and dreams, they're fucking negative. Okay. If they're neutral, they're fucking negative. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. The easiest way to identify negative people is if they're not fucking clapping when you fucking win. If they're not supporting you, if they're not telling you, dude, go do that shit. That's awesome. I think it's cool. If they're neutral, don't say anything. That's cut them. Okay. That's how, you know? Yeah. That's

how, you know? So you don't wait for him to say like the two-part question you just asked me if you if you cut everybody that's neutral yeah you take care of both of it right take care of everybody yeah so so dude if they're neutral they're negative yeah in my book yeah now not everybody's like you know to what we talked about a minute ago people are gonna be like oh what about people you're related to and they're i can't cut my own family bull Bull fucking shit you can't. If you got a family member in your family just because they are related to you and they tell you constantly that you're crazy, you're fucking wasting your time, you need to get a real job, you need to blah, blah, blah.

Dude, all the shit that people used to tell me, dude, you get rid of them. Those people are not your friends. They are not helping you. They are not in this with you. You don't have time for that. Right. And that's a harsh reality. That's something that's very hard for people to accept. And a lot of people will, I get emails a lot. I can't believe you said that. And sometimes I get emails from people that even I'm related to. And they're like, I can't believe you said that about this. Well, dude, I'm sorry, but that's the fucking truth. Right. You know what I'm saying? You cannot spend your time around people that don't believe in you and aren't genuinely happy for you, your ambitions, your success or support your work. You can't do it. You don't have, nobody has enough power or strength or energy to do that right you know um it's it's it's like dude when you have a bad girlfriend or something you know and she's telling you work too much and you're not this and you know dude i can't tell you how

many fucking dreams have been shattered because of fucking bad girlfriends it's like the worst thing ever because that's the social media quote today. No, dude, it's dream killers, man. They're fucking dream killers. Bad girlfriend, worst thing ever. Because, dude, you love them. You care about them. You want the best for them.

You're working to build a life for that person, and they're telling you, you don't spend enough time with me. You work too much. You're this, you're that. Well, dude, when you're fighting that battle at that close of a relationship, it's impossible to be successful. It is literally impossible. Now, do you think girlfriends are particularly bad, or can there be bad boyfriends, too?

Oh, yeah. Bad boyfriends. Obviously, you know, I'm talking about both sexes. Yeah, yeah, right. You know, I'm talking about anyone, man. Right. But a lot of times, it is the people closest to you that you're not realizing about both sexes. Yeah. Yeah. Right. You know, I'm just talking about anyone, man. Right. You know, um, but a lot of times it is the people closest to you that you're not realizing are holding you back. Yeah. You know, and dude, that is not, that's something that

is not, if their ambitions don't line up with yours and they don't want to live the kind of life that you want to live, that's okay. It doesn't make them a bad person. It just makes them a bad person for you. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. So you have to look at it like your natures in terms of like what their nature and their standards are. Do not line up with your nature and your standards. And you part ways. There shouldn't be any animosity or hatred there.

It's just the way it is. Right. You know? And I feel like people don't recognize how detrimental that is when you hold a relationship close to you that is not supportive of what you're doing. Right. It makes it literally impossible. Right, right. Now, as you're talking, though, it's going through my head, and I'm picturing the person who they kind of are messed up.

I mean, they don't have their life together. And maybe their dad or their mom is saying, hey, here's how you can improve yourself. And their response to their mom or dad or whoever is in their life is, oh, you're a hater, man. You're criticizing me. What's the difference? What's the difference between the two things?

Hey, man, some people are just stupid. That's the reality. Well, that's true. Some people are immature. Some people haven't figured it out. I mean, I think we've all gone through that. But point being is that you're not saying that somebody who's offering you legitimate criticism is a hater. No, there is a huge difference between legitimate criticism and quote-unquote hating.

Right. If they're saying, hey, Vaughn, you're doing this wrong, and this is how I think you should do it, that's criticism. Right. If I'm saying, hey, Vaughn, you fucking suck, that's hating. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and you're never going to get better. No.

So pay attention. Is somebody offering you a way to improve with their criticism, or are they just offering you criticism? Because that's how you identify people who are quote-unquote haters versus people who are just trying to fucking help you. Plus, I think you'd agree that when the people who are sharing the criticism approach you, you can usually tell by their demeanor that it almost hurts them to have to tell you this. And not only that. Whereas the other people are like – Pre-qualify the person, especially in business you know yeah if you've got a business person who's a who is where you want to be and they and they look down at you and they say andy you're doing this wrong and this is how you should be doing it i'm probably going to fucking examine the way i'm doing it and listen i have a few people that i listen to on a on i listen to them very carefully

when they speak right okay if the person's where you want to be and they're telling you like, Hey, this is wrong and you should do it this way. That's, that's probably constructive criticism. Don't get all mad and act like a little baby and cry. But if somebody who is on the same level as you or lower and they say something like, Hey, you're doing that wrong, blah, blah, blah, dude, you kind of have to take that with a grain of salt and learn to trust yourself. And if, and, and, and accept the fact that if you make the mistake, it's your mistake, you have to own it and you'll, you'll learn from it. You know what I mean? But, but here's the reality. Okay. We're talking about peer groups. And the thing about peer groups is this peer groups are called peer groups for a reason. All right. What would your peer, what would you define peer group as, Vaughn?

Well, the people that you're surrounding yourself with. But they're peers. What does that mean? Oh, people on your level, right? On your level, which way? Horizontally. Okay. So they're similar to you in income.

They're similar to you in success, in lifestyle. And in basically what you're trying to do in life. Okay. Yeah. So they could be similar to you in a million different ways or similar to you in some ways and then different in other ways. So like we're talking about business here, entrepreneurship. Right. So we're talking about entrepreneurial peer groups. All right. These would be people who are like-minded right by definition of peer group right these would be people at least in the the focus of their lives that's right the topic matter of their lives that's right so the point i'm trying to make here is this when you're not in business and you go into business those people who are your friends that you surround yourself, that you drink beer with on Friday night and Saturday nights, they're no longer your peer group.

You're outgrowing that. Okay. When you earn $100,000 a year, you're probably going to be around other entrepreneurs that are earning the same amount. Right. Okay. They're going to be around other entrepreneurs that are earning the same amount. Right. Okay? They're going to have things to talk about. When you grow out of that group and you grow to a million dollars a year in income, if you spend your time around that other group, that's not going to be productive for you.

They're probably going to hold you back. They're probably going to not like the fact that you've been more successful than them. And they're probably going to not support you the same way they did when you were on their level. That's just human nature. Wait, so I want to be clear here. So you're saying that if you get up to where you're doing a million dollars, you don't suggest hanging out with entrepreneurs who have only made several hundred thousand? I'm using it as an example. I'm saying that I'm using that as an example to describe the process of growth when people grow and you're growing past what was previously your peer group those people are no longer your peer group anymore they're they're do you understand what I'm saying

yeah I got you so I'm not just saying I just have to play devil's advocate no no no I'm not saying specifically devil's advocate. No, no, no. I'm not saying specifically I have friends that make nowhere near the income I make. I have friends that make a hundred times what I make. Okay. There are exceptions to what I'm saying, but generally who you want to spend your most time about and take advice from is going to be people who are similar to you or slightly more successful or a lot more successful. Right. You see what I'm saying? Right.

So you have to always work to put your energy into cultivating a network of success. You know, if you're spending all your time trying to build something great and trying to do something that other people aren't willing to do, and then you go out to Thursday night softball and spend Thursday night through Monday morning drinking and partying with people that don't give a fuck about being successful, dude, that's going to affect you. You know what I mean? That's going to affect your ability to concentrate. It's going to affect your ability to believe in yourself. It's going to affect your ability to think on a larger scale. And that's why I feel like a lot of people who are very successful become reclusive because

a lot of people just can't fucking think the same way that they're thinking. Right. You know what I mean? I have very few people that I spend my time with. I'm very picky about who that, who those people thinking. Right. You know what I mean? I have very few people that I spend my time with. I'm very picky about who those people are. Right. Because I don't want to put anything into my ears that isn't, that is going to affect me in a negative way. Right. Okay. So once again, just to play devil's advocate, you are a huge proponent of individualism, having a strong personality, knowing who you are in the world, and just

doing it regardless of what other people think. What if somebody says, Andy, I get it, but honestly, I'm such a strong personality, I'm such an individual that I can hang out with all these screw-ups because it's just kind of fun to go out drinking, and they're not going to influence me. Show me their pay stub hmm yeah that's good uh yeah i don't know i i would guess you're right about that well i i could be right or wrong but i believe i'm right yeah people could say that shit all they want but here's the reality at the end of the day you still have 100 units of energy and you can spend it positive or negative you can spend it constructive or you can spend it positive or negative. You can spend it constructive or you can let it fucking pass by. The reality is that if you don't use that energy the right way,

if you don't use that energy to build on top of positive energy, it's going to be hard. It's too fucking hard. It's just too hard. Okay, well, we've been spending time talking about haters and the people you shouldn't hang out with and people you want to avoid in your peer group. But talk a little bit about the kind of people that you want in your peer group.

What do those kind of people look like? What's the first thing that you would say you look for? We're talking about entrepreneurial peer groups. Right. We're talking about – I'm not talking about anything other than that. So clearly we're talking about people. We're not talking about Bible study groups? No.

Not today. That's next episode. The thing is we're talking about entrepreneurial peer groups. So if you're an entrepreneur, it's pretty much understood that you have a business and you're trying to be successful financially. Right. Okay. Right. Financially. Right. OK, so go find people who are also trying to be successful and financially successful, you know, and run a business. You know, it's very simple. That's who you should be surrounding yourself and spending most of your time with.

And if you can, people that are more successful than you is where you should be focusing. You know, and that's where books become such a good resource. Cause I know people are going to say, you know, Oh, I don't know anybody, you know, well, well that's why they write fucking books. You know what I mean? Right. So go read a book. Right.

You know? So by, by definition, I would assume that most entrepreneurs are by definition hard working. I mean, I've never heard of a lazy entrepreneur. You know, it's all the basic stuff. Is this guy a good dude? Is he a good guy? Does he do the right thing?

Does he work hard? Does he work as hard as you? Does he work harder than you? Is he a giver? Does he help you when you need help? Is he willing to, you know, all the basic things, you know? We talked one time. Actually, it was getting ready for your book.

We were putting together thoughts for your book, and you were talking about how maybe in some ways above a lot of other character qualities, you really value loyalty. Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, your peer group, you want to surround yourself with loyalty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, man. I mean, and people people a lot of people claim to be loyal that really aren't um how would you define loyalty

it might be i i think i'm being too academic but come on no i i feel like i give you a good example the best way is to tell a story um when i was in college i had a girlfriend that i was in love with and you know all the stuff that you do when you was in college, I had a girlfriend that I was in love with and, you know, all the stuff that you do when you're in college. And I'm allergic to onions, okay? I cannot eat onions. What happens? I get sick.

Like really bad? Like real sick, like for like two days. Okay, but it's not like fatal. I know some people have shellfish type of thing. No, it's not like that. But anyhow, I can't eat onions. So when I go to order anywhere, I'm always like, hey, you know, I want this. I'll ask, is there onions in it?

No matter what it is, no matter if it says it on the menu or not. Because a lot of things have onions or they're cooked with onions that doesn't say it on the menu. So I always say I made a habit of it for as long as I can remember. So I was in college. I was with this girl. We went to the sandwich shop, and I ordered this sandwich. It came with onions. And I looked at the lady.

I'm like, you know, I'm sorry. I asked for no onions. She's like, no, you didn't. And I'm like, no, I'm pretty sure I did. First mistake is arguing with the customer. Yeah, well, I mean, regardless, I'm pretty sure I did. Yeah. First mistake is arguing with the customer. Yeah, well, I mean, regardless, I order everything that I order with no onions. So I was like, no, I'm pretty sure I ordered it with no onions. And my girlfriend at the time, she's like, you didn't say no onions.

And I looked at her. There was like 15 people in line. My blood just started fucking boiling. Right. And I thought about that, but the thing is, you know, when you're loyal to somebody, you fucking go ahead and say that they said no onions. You don't fucking call them out for saying that they didn't say no onions. Right.

If they said it or not. Right. You see what I'm saying? Right. Pull somebody aside and say, hey, you know, i didn't think you fucking said uh no onions that time but you know you know what i'm saying absolutely you and i both talked about how our wives would would have told us right later they would have told us later right yeah yeah she didn't have your back she was she was not concerned that's the definition of loyal it sounds stupid to people but you know people always

give you little signs about if they're loyal or not. Right. And it's basically coming down to having your back no matter what the situation calls for. Right. And sometimes you're going to make mistakes and that person should still have your back and then pull you aside and say, hey, you know you fucked up there, right? Right. You know what I mean? Right.

Right. Absolutely. And to me, that's loyalty. You mentioned, I'm going to backtrack just for a second. You mentioned givers and, um, I don't know, it's selfish on my part, but just flesh out what you mean by that a little bit more, just because that's, you want to surround yourself with people who are going to, who, who, who are selfless, you know, people who are going to do things for you and help you without an agenda. Yeah. Without an agenda, not just because you're paying them or because whatever, you know, they're just good people who are, who, who love you and help you. You know, if you, if you don't have people around you that are selfless and willing to contribute

and you have to contribute back to them, that's where people really mess up. Yeah. But that's key. Yeah, it's totally. But, but you know, you're, it's going to be really hard, man. It just takes a team, you know? And I don't know. I feel like there's, there's not one or two qualities you can identify with a good person to hang around with. But if you're talking about entrepreneurial people and peer group, you want to be around people who are going to fucking support you, who are going to encourage you, who are going

to, who are going to believe in you, who are going to encourage you, who are going to, who are going to believe in you, who are going to think big and, and they're going to want to have similar goals that you have for themselves. Right. And, and dude, that's what, that's what cultivates, you know, energy, man. It cultivates, it cultivates positivity. It cultivates big ideas. It cultivates big action. You know, that's what cultivates success. And when you hang around people that think small and have negative opinions about you and don't want you to be successful because it reminds them of how unsuccessful they've been and it makes them uncomfortable. You know, you can't make it with that kind of attitude. You only have so much energy in a day to put out. And if you spend that time with negativity on negative people,

you're never going to be able to spend the amount of energy it takes to be successful. And you won't be successful. Because being successful takes a lot of fucking energy. You see what I'm saying? Absolutely. You can't limit yourself because other people don't believe in the same things you believe in. Right. You know, and you've got to think about like other things too. Like you're sitting here thinking of these big giant goals.

I want to do this and I want to do this. And then you've got people in your ear telling you that you're selfish or that you're greedy or that you're this or that. Or that you can't do it. Yeah. Or you can't do it. But here's the thing. If you have people that are going to make you feel like a bad person for doing, having goals like you, like you want or that you have, you're going to eventually start to

believe that, man, or you're at least going to think, man, am I a bad person for wanting to do this? Am I materialistic? Yeah. Am I this? Am I that? No, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be successful. Right. You know, we have, um, we have unlimited abilities and potential as humans,

but it's so, you have to release yourself from the restraints of other people's opinions and other people's limiting beliefs. Because no matter what you say, no matter how strong you think you are, no matter how tough you think you are, no matter how driven you think you are, if you have people around you putting in negative seeds in your mind, those seeds are going to fucking sprout. Right. And it's going to make it hard for you to move forward. Right.

I mean, I can tell you right now, you know, for me, I realized that in, this is 2015, I realized that in about 2010, you know, in 2010, I was, I wasn't making any money. I cut everybody negative out of my life I could in 2010. Everybody. And, you know, girlfriend, it didn't matter. Anybody who told me I couldn't do shit, I got rid of them. Right. You know?

Well, let's talk about that, Andy, and I'm going to ask you to do something very difficult. I'm going to ask you to put on your Dr. Phil hat. Because, you know, all kidding aside, you are a strong personality. And not everybody out there, even if they're, you know, committed to their success, they're committed to entrepreneurialism, they're committed to working hard, all the principles that they should be committed to, they're committed to. But they just might be gentler, maybe a little bit more timid souls. I want you to speak to those people and say, okay, here's the person in your life that you need to cut out of your life. In some cases, it might be a parent or a family member.

Listen, it could be a parent. It could be a brother. It could be a sister. It could be a spouse. Right. So I know, because we've talked about this a lot, I know that you're not encouraging people to be pricks. You're encouraging them to be firm with people.

So kind of – Ultimately, it comes down down to this it comes down to one thing do you what do you want right do you want to be successful do you want to build a business do you want to do all these things and achieve these goals that you have for yourself you know the fucking dreams that you have in your mind that you don't tell anybody about do you want that or do you want to live somebody else's life right because other people are telling you you can't because other people are mind that you don't tell anybody about? Do you want that? Or do you want to live somebody else's life? Because other people are telling you you can't, because other people are telling you you shouldn't, or you're greedy, or you're unreasonable. You have to make a choice.

And the choice is either get rid of the people who are putting those thoughts in your brain and be successful, or give up on your hopes and dreams and goals for yourself and go live the life that they think you should live. Right. Okay. So somebody says that and says, Andy, I totally agree, but man, it's still going to be hard. So how would you tell me to go about doing that? Look, man, I can't tell somebody how to like break up with their girlfriend. No, actually that'd be kind of funny yeah

i mean you know i'm i'm a very direct person yeah you know how did you how did you break up with that girlfriend uh i don't really remember yeah i just said i was done yeah which i was yeah good person great great person yeah we just, you know, I think very highly of her. It's not even a negative thing. It's, I'm very happy for her as a person. Um,

but not, it's just, it's just, dude, we didn't go together in that way. Yeah. What she wanted to do and what I want to do are two different things. Right.

And you know what? All the points she made from her point of view were valid. Yeah. Was I selfish? Yeah. I spent all my time working. Did I want bigger view were valid. Was I selfish? Yeah. I spent all my time working. Did I want bigger things? Yeah.

Was I not happy with the life that we had? No, I wasn't. So all those points were fucking valid. And her points matter just as much as my points. So the point is, is go live the kind of life that you want to live. And I'm going to go live the kind of life I want to live.

And that's what we did. And there's no, there's no animosity and there's nothing wrong with that right you know people people put too much emotion in these kind of decisions you know and I know some of these are thinking oh my god you're making it is emotional you know dude look what do you want right right look I I think that the biggest takeaway people need to think about here is this. You have to make a decision about what you want.

Okay? It's not a pretty decision all the time. It's not a fun thing to do. It's not an easy thing to do. But you have to decide. Do you want to build the life that you've always wanted? Or do you want to live somebody else's life? Okay? Because you can't have both. And to build the life you wanted, you have to surround yourself with people that are going to support you all the time.

They're going to help you. They're going to make your life easier. The life of an entrepreneur is a hard life. It's a lonely life. And it's something that is not for everybody. And when I say lonely, the reason it's lonely is because you have to make cuts on your team, man, like we talked about earlier. And the amount of people who are going to believe in the level of success, if you're a big thinker, might be a very limited amount and that's okay. But if you spend time worrying about what everybody else thinks and living your life to everybody else's standards, you're never going to make it. And

that's, that's the choice you have to make. So cutting, cutting out people that are negative, cutting out people that are, that are close to you. Um, even if they're related or whatever you have to do, I'm not telling you to go fucking put yourself in isolation, but I am telling you that if you want it, you've got to surround yourself with positive people. And that's, that's the bottom line. That's good stuff, man. Um, well, I think that's about it for today. Um, yeah, if you want to, if you want to, we're always looking for questions. We're always looking for feedback. Uh, you guys can hit us up, themfco.com. If you have ideas for subjects you want us to talk about, we're always open. We always want to hear from you guys. We're always looking for new ideas for things to talk about. If you're

an entrepreneur, you have a question you want to answer, we'll get back to you. We might make it a show. I don't know. Yeah. There's actually, we have officially created a button called Ask Andy on the MFCAO.com. I don't even know what's going on. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's why you got me. So, hey, just hit the button and ask me. That's right. It's this great idea I had.

I made it up myself. Yeah, exactly. So, all right. You want to take us home? Yeah, guys. Thanks for listening. Hit us up, thefco.com. If you're not, hit me up on social media.

It's at Andy Frisella on Instagram. It's Andrew Frisella on Facebook. Facebook, yeah. You know, I'll get back to you. I try to answer all my emails the best I can. We'll have plenty of content coming up on the MFCEO.com and we'll see you next time. you