REAL AF with Andy Frisella - SUNDAY SERMON: Desire, Dissatisfaction, and Wrestling with Restlessness, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO258

Episode Date: August 26, 2018

I’m finding it common to run into people who think they have found their purpose in life, but are still struggling with dissatisfaction on a daily basis. Restlessness is actually part of what it means to be a human being living in the real world. If you feel empty no matter how much you succeed, listen closely to today's episode. Vaughn, Tyler & myself talk about reasons for restlessness & dissatisfaction & what to do about it. If this is something you struggle with, just know this: YOU'RE NORMAL.

If you want to make your dream become reality, the people that are running after that dream know they're going to have hard times. They keep on running because they're saying within themselves, I'm the one, I'm the one. No matter how bad it is or how bad it gets, I'm going to make it. What is up guys? You're listening to the MFCEO Project. I'm Andy. I'm your host.

And I am here to give you the Sunday sermon. I can't say, I feel bad saying the Lord's Day. The mother effing CEO on Sunday, but then like later in the podcast, I'm going to drop F-bombs. So it's like, I don't know. But it does provide a little bit of a distinction. I'm making an effort. I'm making an effort. Yeah. That's good. So here we are.

And before we get to business, just to remind you guys, we have an iTunes review contest going on where the winners will be flown to St. Louis, be treated like kings and queens, get to sit down, have strategy, have coaching with me, and then we're going to take you out to a nice Kings and Queens dinner. Vaughn's going to feed you grapes and Tyler's going to fan you with big leaves. This will definitely influence who is chosen. Yes, and that's who they're... What's that mean? Oh, I don't know. You just made it real awkward, dude.

I know. I'm just saying. Very awkward. And Vaughn apparently is going to rub oil all over you. So if you're interested in that sort of a trip, go to iTunes, leave us a review, screenshot it, email the screenshot to contact at andyfrisella.com with the subject line review contest. All right. So that's that.

So what's up, dude? Well, dude, I got lot of uh feedback about how much people loved us just sort of talking about movies and stuff what movies like do we talk about movies we talked about scary movies and stuff like that yeah and uh we don't have to get into it right now but i i do think people are interested in knowing you know occasionally you talk about favorite movies and stuff like that is there a movie that you watch that you talk about favorite movies and then stuff like that is there a movie that you watch that you want to just run through a brick wall after you watch it a brick wall um no i don't know what a brick wall is so i don't know that i would like let me enunciate

yeah a brick tyler do you know what a brick wall is no not really yeah dude there is actually it's called the program oh yeah yeah do you remember that movie yeah well i haven't seen it yet but No, not really. Yeah, dude, there is actually. It's called The Program. Oh, yeah, yeah. Do you remember that movie? Yeah, well, I haven't seen it yet, but you told me about the part where the guy gets... All these young bucks listening have no idea what The Program is. Okay? And that movie came out when I was playing high school football. So like...

Is that Place on the Table? Yeah. Starting defense. Place on the Table. Okay. What's that dude's name? Latimer. Yeah.

So I think that was the first movie to come out that actually showed the behind the scenes of a lot of things that go on. They tried to, yeah. I mean, it was a, you know, it's a... Who's the star of that movie? Fuck, I don't know that guy's name. The quarterback guy, though. Yeah, I have no idea.

I have to watch it. I really do. I need to watch that pacific rim you never seen you've seen pacific no you've talked about pacific rim a lot and you're lying dude you never saw the original i never saw the original shit dude yeah i know all i know is all i know is talking about that for three years but all i know is the andy for seller review which is it's so bad it's awesome did it. Yo, a hundred fucking times. Is it not one of those movies that you watch?

It's like Resident Evil. Dude, exactly. I watch those just like that too. Dude, it's one of those movies that if it's on, you just fucking turn it on, like you watch it. That's because you can be entertained by not actually even paying attention. Like Rocky IV.

No, I don't watch that movie, man. I like certain parts of it, but that's not a movie that I watch when it's on. What, is that one that you watch when they're on? If it's on, you watch it? That's my era. So mine is like Saving Private Ryan. Yeah, okay.

If that's on, I'll watch it. Yeah. Okay? Gladiator. Gladiator's on, I'll watch it. If Braveheart's on, I'll watch it. Glory. Pacific Rim.

Yeah, dude, Glory's one of my favorite fucking movies. You need to literally tell young people to go watch that movie. Dude. Because most people don't know about that movie. Glory is one of the best movies ever made. Yeah. Period. If you're not moved and inspired by that movie, something's wrong with you.

Dude, it'll probably make you cry, honestly. Yeah, it will. Give them hell, 54th. Yeah, dude, that's a fucking, like, dude, even thinking about that movie gives me chills. Yeah, no, it's a great movie. That was young Denzel. Yeah, it was. Young Denzel.

I've never seen a movie, I haven't seen all of his movies, but I've never seen a Denzel movie, or Denzel, I'm really off today, a Denzel Washington movie that I didn't like. Dude, Man on Fire, it's like one of my favorite movies.

Oh, dude, that's a movie I'll watch when it's on. Deja Vu. Never seen Man on Fire. Man on Fire's been on a hundred times. Never seen Man on Fire, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I like Man on Fire,

but Pacific Rim's definitely one of those movies that Yeah. Yeah. I like Man on Fire. But Pacific Rim's definitely one of those movies that I will watch. I mean, are you really surprised he hasn't seen it? He just now started following First Form today, 10 minutes ago. I thought I followed First Form. Dude, we've been talking about Pacific Rim for three years. Yeah, I know. And you've never watched it. I gotta watch it.

And there's even a sequel, isn't there? Yeah, dude. It's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like so bad, it's good. So you're going to explain, uh, every rock movie,

huh? Like every rock movie. No, there's certain rock movies. I won't watch. Yeah. Dude. Like,

uh, that what's that one where he's like tall. No, I like that. Okay. Yeah. I like the early rock that the rundown standing tall, walking tall,

by the way. Um, dude, but there's some movies he did like in that middle section they're bad yeah like uh san andres no i thought san andres was okay i'm talking about the middle when he was trying to be hollywood but he the pacifier is that one no yeah he did go into like the disney theme he went like the ice cube right yeah we're like he did all these family movies and shit for a while and like see dude i know what he did like

he he was like oh okay i got a couple movies i'm gonna try to be mr hollywood actually this is a great this is a great fucking lesson in this he's like all right i'm gonna he lost he went from like 260 down to 220 he got real skinny and uh dude he tried to be like a hollywood actor and it didn't work he got cast in all these weird movies like uh the family movies pacifier yeah fucking weirdo ones yeah then dude he went he's like fuck it i'm gonna be the rock and he went back and he he made uh uh that movie with mark walberg uh pain and gain pain and gain and he came back fucking jacked and huge and like with the attitude. And dude, that's when his shit came back.

Then he did like, you know, the Fast Five and all that shit. And he did all the Fast and Furiouses. And dude, that's whenever he became the fucking Hollywood stud. Yeah. But dude, the lesson there is, dude, being yourself is the best fucking way to go. You know what I mean? Absolutely. That's why it's so authentic.

That's why he's such a likable guy. Like, everybody likes The Rock. Oh, yeah. He's pretty impressive. But, dude, yeah, there's definitely movies in the middle that are pretty hard to watch. Yeah. Just being real. So, it might provide a good segue into our topic today, but, you know, you and I were

talking about how we were so excited about last night, like, what happened, that we couldn't sleep. Yeah. You want to give people, like what happened that we couldn't sleep. Yeah. You want to give people like a, like, like a small little preview of. No, you can. Okay. Well, guys, you guys know we have the Arte Syndicate going on. And yesterday, Andy and Ed gave a just unbelievable conference call.

And it just got all of us so excited about it. And it's a, it's a movement like, like that's literally going to change the world. Yeah. There's no question, but especially, especially after what happened last night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But there was a question, uh, that, that was presented to Andy. And then as he was talking about it, he was thinking, yeah, we should talk about that a little bit more in length in the Sunday sermon. Yeah. I thought it was a great, a great way to way to really bring up a topic that I think a lot of people struggle with. And these guys, by the way, that we talked to, they're very successful. These are people who are earning seven figures a year, high six figures, seven figures a year.

They're successful financially people. And, um, this question that we got was, um, a guy who, who was obviously he's successful. He wouldn't be in the group because we, we filter everybody out. Um, and he said, he's like, look, man, I'm struggling. I'm 42 years old. I'm struggling. I'm having a really hard time figuring out what my purpose is other than, you know, selling shit and taking care of my family. And I feel empty inside and I'm not happy with what I have going on. And I want more. A lot of restlessness. Huh?

A lot of restlessness. Yeah, for sure. For sure. And I think, you know, that is a common issue with people right they always feel empty no matter how much they succeed and this is why you have people who make millions and millions of dollars and then fucking kill themselves and people are like oh how come how come he killed himself because he's rich he had it all no that has nothing to do with it. You're going to feel empty if your only goal in life is money. And we talk about this all the time. And, and, um, one of the things that, that I think people have to understand is that, you know, if you're not contributing to something good,

if you're not feeling good about what it is that you're doing, if you don't see, uh, if you're not able to help other people or pick other people up or do service to other people, you're going to feel empty service to other people is the ultimate fulfillment. All right. And I don't mean like going down to the, uh, you know, I don't just mean going down to the, you know, the food pantry on Christmas and serving meals. Like a lot of people think that's service. Right. And it is service. But once a year really isn't that fucking great.

It's not something you should be bragging about. You know what I mean? Right. We're talking about consistently building your life around contributing to other people. And one of the things that you need to be aware of when we talk about, you know, because we just talked about fulfilling purpose a couple podcasts ago. And a lot of people have issues with figuring out what their purpose is, obviously. And that's what that podcast is about. But this podcast is more so I wanted to like hit on a different note where it's for the people who may have think that they've had their purpose for the last 20 years,

but they feel empty. You know what I mean? And one of the things I want you guys to be aware of is that struggling with your purpose, a lot of times it can feel like, I don't know what my purpose is. Like, what is it you're doing? Okay. You're doing something that you like doing. You're doing something that you're good at. You're solving problems that frustrate you, which are all things we talked about on the last podcast, but you feel like it's not your purpose. Well, clearly you were gifted with certain skills that allow you to be good at what it is you're succeeding at right now. So if you feel empty, if that's you and you feel empty right now, I want you to understand that the reason that you could feel empty and unfulfilled has not,

it could have nothing to do with what it is your purpose. Okay. It could have everything to do with how you feel about yourself. All right. A lot of people mistake being off track or not fulfilling their reason for being here and not pursuing their purpose as the problem when, and actually the problem is in reality, what the problem is, is that they don't feel good about who the fuck they are as a person. Okay. And that's something that a lot of people struggle with you know like they built a good

business they've been in business like like you know they've been in business for 20 years they're making good income they're taking care of their family they're doing all the things they're supposed to do but they still feel empty well let me tell you something the reason you could still feel empty might be because you're doing things that are out of alignment with what you know to be right in your heart as a person. Okay. And that's, that's a big problem. Now, are there people absolutely that are, have gone 20 years, not fulfilling their purpose? Yes. And the way to know that is you probably hate your fucking job. You probably hate your fucking job you probably hate your fucking career and i'm not talking about having a bad day okay even i have dude three out of the fucking five days that i'm here in the

office during the week are fucking stressful and frustrating and this but the overall of what i do i love okay that's because you take pride in it and i think that's where a lot of people get off because they don't they don't internally take pride in what they do i fucking live for it dude yeah exactly but dude but like dude i live like people don't believe it when i say this like i live to come in here and give motherfuckers raises for real i think about all the time like in the shower every morning i'm like man what about this guy and what about that man, what about this guy? And what about that guy? And what about this guy? And I'm constantly thinking about who I can bring up and who deserves and has put in the work to move forward. But that's also a measuring stick for, you know, the job that you're doing as well too, is it not? What do you mean? If you're willing to give somebody a raise, that means

you've done your job as a leader to create other leaders. Yeah, that's my point. I want to develop these motherfuckers so that they can go out and conquer the earth. Right. That's my goal. You know what I mean? I know not everybody's going to leave or not. Everybody's going to stay here and not, and some people are going to leave, but my goal is to make sure that they're equipped to fucking succeed and nothing is more rewarding than to see someone succeed in a model that you've designed. That's fucking cool. Okay. And a lot of, uh, you know, people who are in business just don't think that way. They don't look at like service. They think of service as what I talked about going to the food shelter or the homeless shelter and serving meals

on Christmas instead of like being in service to your employees every single day, meaning I'm contributing to their growth. I'm teaching them things. I'm helping them improve. I'm helping them grow. I'm helping them get to a position where they can provide for their families in a better way, or they can fulfill their dreams in a better way. That's fucking service too. But the problem is, is a lot of fucking people who own business, look at their fucking employees as fucking cogs in the machine that are easily replaced and they don't care about them they don't care about developing them they don't want to pay them more they don't want them to progress because it costs them money when which that's not even true because if your employees progress you're gonna make more money

but the the truth of it is they just don't fucking care about people and dude i just don't i know a lot of successful motherfuckers that make a lot of money, but they don't give a shit about their employees. And in turn, they feel like shit because they know it's fucking wrong. So I think the specific words that you use when you answer that guy's question was that, dude, you're thinking that your dissatisfaction is coming from what you do instead of who you are. And so I guess my question is like, dude, I think that's a huge fallacy, bro. Yeah. I think people are ignorant to it though. People are there. They misunderstand it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead with your question. No, I was just, so the point I was going to make is that you're, you're talking

about serving people. You're talking about like completely overhaul how you do things as a person or who you are as a person. But what would you say are some practical steps to begin to, well, let me back up just for a second. So I feel like the whole space that we're in, you know, where it's called self-development, I feel like to some extent that that's a really bad way of describing it. Because I think that the kind of thing that you're talking about isn't just like, oh, I'm going to improve myself. I'm going to become a little bit more honest and a little bit more. No. When I think about what happened to you when you were stabbed and the changes that happened there, that wasn't you becoming self-improved. That was a massive transformation in your life. So, so when you talk about people changing who they are, who they are, we're not just talking about, oh, I want to like become a little bit better person and do some good needs. We're talking about massive transformation so that you just become the kind of person that's more satisfied with who you are. So in practical terms,

how do you think people go about doing that? You fucking do what you know is right. Okay. Okay. It's uncomfortable to do what you know is right all okay it's uncomfortable to do what you know is right all the time it's easy to go with the flow but you know in your heart what is right and what is wrong you know what you should be doing and what you shouldn't you know when you're fucking cutting a corner on being on doing the right thing like where you're like oh I'm doing 70% of the right thing so that's good enough right No, it needs to be a hundred percent drawn in the fucking stone, the right thing all the time. You know, one simple question I started to ask myself like a year ago, would a CEO do this or that? That's a great way to look at it. It pops in my head every fucking time.

But your, your perception of ao is probably a lot different than what most people's perception is of a ceo probably yeah right so so basically whatever you know is the right you would look at it like like who would you admire yeah like right you know i look at you i look at chris cavallini people who have like great discipline and it's like fuck you know when you talk about picking up a piece of paper you know like it'll trigger my head when i'm doing my laundry. It's like, do I want to wait till tomorrow to fucking do this? Or should I just get it out of the way now? Because otherwise that shit's going to start building up and building up, not just the laundry, but the whole list of shit that I got to get done throughout the day. Dude, that's, people don't realize how insignificant or how significant

little things like doing the laundry when you're supposed to do it are right you know so what i'm hearing you say it is don't worry about focusing on becoming mother theresa or martin luther king overnight whatever you know you need to do that's right do that yes start with that yes and that'll build yes that'll that'll just like anything when we talk about like we've talked about before dude when you practice guitar guess what happens you get better at guitar when you practice hockey guess what happens you get better at guitar when you practice hockey guess what happens you're going to improve at hockey when you practice doing the right thing guess what also happens you get better at doing the right thing okay and this

goes for all characters the habit yes exactly and that's why what he said a minute ago was so important where he talks about doing the laundry well yeah, yeah, it would be easy to know that you need to do laundry and say, fuck it. It doesn't mean anything and throw the shit off till tomorrow. But the truth is you're eroding the habit of discipline instead of adding to it. See every action that you, that you take is going to add to one of your habits or take away from one of your habits. And when you aren't conscious of that, it's really easy to erode good habits that you've built over time. And it goes from, you know, I was once, dude, look, I'm a perfect example of that. I'm a guy who for most of his life was in pretty fucking good shape. I was in,

I was in good enough shape to where most people would say, damn, dude, I wish I was in that good of shape. And what happened? I went home cause i was stressed and i ate a fucking pizza one night okay then the next night what i do that's another one you're stressed about the pizza so you ate a fucking other one yeah i'm like fuck it you know what i'm in pretty good shape i'm gonna eat another pizza it ain't gonna hurt me right then the next night it was Chinese okay and that's how it starts and then fucking a year later I'm 100 pounds overweight that's how it starts dude one thing that uh a lot of people do not understand is that everybody's heard the saying fake it till you make it but they don't actually so the the reference to the laundry like that's me faking being a CEO and having that mindset

yeah until I am actually hey man man, you know what? Sometimes you got to fake. It's not even fake. It's, it's what it is. It's like, Oh, I'm wearing a suit. Like a lot of people, like they feel guilty when they start to try to do, do something significant because they feel like they're faking it. But if you're ever going to fucking do it, you're going to have to go through that phase of where you're the only one that believes in the actions you're taking. Right. And everybody else thinks you're fake and you're going to have to roll through that. I love that you use the example of, of, of the way you ate, because it's funny. You have so many people that say, Oh, I don't like a certain kinds of food, but there's all sorts of studies that say that you can actually retrain your taste

buds to like certain kinds of food if you if you kind of go incrementally over time and i think there are a lot of people that it's so foreign to them to do the right thing that it doesn't feel good it doesn't taste good yeah but if they do a little bit at a time over time you start to get a taste for it you're like man this feels good to do the right thing yeah and then you get more of an appetite for it i think vaughn a big big, a big reason people start to feel good about it is they're aware of it. So, for example, like you've been working out for a while now and it's showing, by the

way. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. But, and which is fucking awesome, dude. I mean, dude, even the other guys have said something to me about it. Like said, they could tell you've been getting it in. Well, it feels good to be consistent. Yeah.

But most people, when they go to the gym they're like fuck that sucked like when they're just starting out right but like they're not aware of the the implications of their actions and what it's going to create so they miss out on the feeling of like because they never had it it's so foreign yeah, you know, if you take someone who's never been in a gym, they've never worked out, they've never experienced what it can do or never been immersed in the, like you have where you're here every day around people who are all into that stuff. They've never been immersed in how it can change you and what the effects happen and like how you feel and how you act and how you look. They don't even, it's so foreign to them that they go to the gym and they're like, dude, why the fuck do people do this? Like,

this is horrible. Right. You know, like, and, and, uh, and the thing is, is like, it's hard to get, it's really, really hard to get those people to follow through on things because they have no experience. And that could apply, dude, that could apply to people right now who are listening, who, who don't have a lot of money and they don't know any wealthy people. And they've never been around someone who's created a successful business and they've never seen it. You know, the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my life was that my dad was a business owner and I was able to meet other business owners. And all I fucking saw was motherfuckers out there building businesses and succeeding. So how would I ever have any doubts of that? Like, I don't doubt it.

Like, when I say, and you know this, when I say I'm going to do something in business, it fucking gets done. Absolutely. Like, if I say, dude, we're going to be a billion-dollar company, we're going to be a fucking $10 billion company. I'm just saying billion because I don't want to freak everybody out with my goals. You know what I mean? Right. My real goal that I don't tell anybody is like 10 billion.

But the point is, is the point I'm saying is, is that I was immersed in that experience. So I understand what's possible. And so, um, when you're, when you're not around that, you've never seen it. It's just like taking someone to the gym that has never been and they're like, fuck, dude, this is impossible. Right. You know what I mean? And what you're describing is the benefits of something else you've talked about a lot in the podcast, although not for a while. It's the benefits of momentum. So I'm not at this place yet, but I'm pretty close to getting to the place where a lot of all of you guys are,

where you've worked out so much that you're almost addicted to it. Oh, dude. You love it. You want to do it. I can speak for both of us. Yeah. How bad do you feel when you miss a day working out?

Mentally, I feel like an asshole. Yeah, I do too. I feel super guilty. So that's the benefit. You become almost... Sorry, Tyler, go ahead. No, I was like an asshole. Yeah, I do too. Like I feel super guilty. So that's the benefit. You become almost, sorry, Tyler, go ahead. No, I was just going to say, especially because from what we do for a living, we represent a company that stands for these types of things. So when you miss a day, you feel like you're cheating your customers as well.

By the way, just so you know, if you're not familiar with First Forms culture, we don't stand for perfect chiseled fucking bodies. We stand for having the courage to get up and do the fucking work, no matter what you look like. Absolutely. We stand for working your ass off to earn that beer. Yeah, exactly. Right. So, yeah, no, but I mean, it's just it's it's a great experience and it's a great to build that momentum and get to the point where you almost, you're not worried about peer pressure from outside.

You're actually worried about your own internal peer pressure. And you're letting down yourself and going, no, don't do this, don't do this. But it's a really positive thing. It's just hard to explain. I'm definitely not at that point yet, but I'm getting there. You're going to be there quick. Well, I appreciate that. But because of the consistency, and it's like you say, the little by little, just doing it every day and how you can completely transform.

It's what we talk about, like the work comes before the belief. You're going through that right now. Yeah. So people don't know what that means. They think that, and if you listen to all the people on the internet and all the do-gooder fucking woo-woo people, they you they're gonna tell you you got to believe in yourself you could do it this that the other well the problem with that is is that you've never experienced any results in that area of your life that are significant so you're like what the fuck so like of course you're not going to believe it the point is is you have to and we're gonna talk about faith which is a huge part of something else that we talk about but yeah you have to have faith not in the sense of spirituality but in the sense of the work you've got to know that and believe up front

before you you go out and do it that if you do the work the result will be there okay and and do we have so many things in society that convince people otherwise because everybody tries to capitalize on people's misunderstanding of the process they try to sell them a program they try to sell them you know a system this that the other that all promise they haven't figured out well the fucking figuring it out is right in front of your face you're just not willing to accept it right you have to do the work name me one thing in life where if you go do this shit, it's as simple as digging a hole. If you stick the fucking shovel in the hole

and you pull some dirt out and you throw the dirt over there, what do you got? Deeper hole. You got a fucking hole. You want to dig a bigger hole? You stick the shovel in again and you throw it out. Success is that simple. It is that fucking simple.

It's just that nobody wants to believe it because they got to do the work. Dude, it's like that movie. Speaking of movies, I don't know if you've ever seen The Shawshank Redemption. I love that movie. It's like Andy using the rock hammer and over time digging that entire tunnel

out of the penitentiary. And if he would have told someone, hey, I'm going to dig this giant tunnel with this rock hammer, they would have been like, dude, that's fucking impossible. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And guys, if you have not seen that movie, you are insane because not only-

That's another movie that fits into that category. I'd watch that when it's on too. Not only because of the analogy of the rock hammer, but the fact that he crawls through all of that. Shit. Yeah, basically all of it. It's a perfect metaphor for entrepreneurship. And then you come out, it's absolutely beautiful.

Dude, the Count of Monte Cristo too. Yeah, good call. I've never seen that. That's a classic. It's good. That one scene is the fucking metaphor for entrepreneurship. Yeah. All right, you got this little bitty rock.

You got to dig a fucking mile long tunnel over the course of years. Then you got to crawl through a whole bunch of shit and then when you come out of the shit freedom it's your rain it's raining on you it washes all the shit off and you're fucking free right that is entrepreneurship dude yeah that is building a business yeah one thousand percent it is going to take you a long time of working with little result you're going to have to go through a ton of shit and you're going to come out and you're going to be like holy fuck this is the best thing i ever did right so we're talking about restlessness we're talking about people struggling we're talking about all kinds of shit we are but we're

we're you know you we opened with this emphasis on on hold up von one thing i want to commend you on is actually getting a trainer because a lot of people need that person to be accountable when they first start off on something like dude like it translates to having a business partner too like how many times even though you didn't need to be dragged through the process dude tyler i'm gonna tell you that people don't know this and the first four or five years we were in business chris did all the work and i was lazy as fuck i didn't do shit i laid on the couch in the back of the store and i'm like fuck this like dude there there, there was a point in time where, where I didn't do anything. He did everything. You get what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely. But thank you for that. But for me it was zero options mentality. Like

in my opinion, I came to the realization that I'm not going to do this by myself. I don't have the strength. I don't have the willpower. I don't have the ability. You were struggling with it mentally. Yeah, I think so too. But I also had to be, I had, I had to be in willpower. I don't have the ability. You were struggling with it mentally. Yeah, I think so too. But I also had to be, I had to be in a place where I just trusted somebody to tell me what to do and I was going to do it. Well, bro, it's intimidating to do anything new, right? Like it's intimidating to go to a fucking gym. It's intimidating to say, to tell all your friends and family, guess what?

I'm starting my fucking business. Cause you know what they're going to say? They're going to say, dude, you're an idiot. You should just fucking get a real job. Yeah. You know? No, absolutely. Because that's what they did.

No, I'm super. So, yeah. So, Stu Beath at Output Performance. You get some guns on you, dude. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah. What are you going to do with those things? One day you'll learn how to flex.

What the fuck was this? Well, I wasn't really flexing. I was just kind of stretching. But I'll- I can see him walking through the house. I was just kind of stretching. I can see him walking through the house. I'll do the Cobra. Yeah, he's walking through the house. I got to practice the Cobra. The beach is this way.

You've already bought more mirrors for the house, haven't you? What's that? I said you've already bought more mirrors. I have not. Every reflective service you watch. I do have to give a shout out to my trainer, Stu, at Output Performance. He's a good guy, and it, it's just, it's been really helpful. And I've heard really good things about output. Yeah, it is. It is, is really good.

But, uh, um, so what would I say? Oh no. So we were talking about like dealing with that restlessness and that, and that, and that sense of dissatisfaction by, by focusing on, maybe it's not what you're doing and maybe it's who you are, but I want to add another layer to the conversation. And that is that sometimes people are really restless. Sometimes they're dissatisfied, but that's a good thing. You know? Yeah, dude, it means you have fucking standards. Yeah. So talk about that, man. Well, dude, I just think that's a, that's something that it goes along with being a high achiever mentality or, you know, what, what, uh, Tim Grover will call a cleaner. Like you can have everything in the going for you the right way in the world and if you're still restless guess what you're a cleaner

because dude you're the kind of person who has to just you're just addicted to accomplishing shit and there's nothing wrong with that it makes you feel crazy right you feel crazy like i have to text him once probably every six months and be like dude am i fucking crazy and he'll always be like no dude they're crazy. But like, you know, I think it just says, you know, like, dude, I want more. I want to create more. I want to, I want to contribute more. I want to do more. And I think that's a good thing. I don't think that's a bad thing. Well, here's the thought. I think the worst thing that you could be is content. Right. The worst thing you could be in life is to look around and say, man, I've done it.

Because you know what? That's the pinnacle of your life at that point. That's the end of you experiencing greater things, which is sad. That's a bad place to be. Yeah. You were just mentioning Tim Grover. You said, am I crazy? No, they're crazy. You know, here's a radical thought. What if, in fact, what if the people like you, the people who are obsessive about, you know, personal potential and, and success, what if that is what human beings were meant to be like, and everybody else is the insane person? Like maybe you're sane and everybody else is insane. You know what I'm saying? I'm not saying everybody has to be a type A personality. I'm not saying that at all.

I personally believe that all people are born that way. I think all people are born the way that we're talking about now. They're, they're, they're achievers. Something happens to them along the way. They get a teacher, they get a coach, they get a parent, they get an uncle, they get an aunt who sells them on the idea that they're not supposed to do that. Or they get an experience, they get fucking, you know,

something bad happens to them mentally. Somebody that they trust and love puts the idea in their head that they're not worthy or or good enough to do something great right and i think that ruins literally 97 of people's lives and that's a statistical fact i did a fucking study on it i think just kidding i think it's not i think it's not a coincidence that one of the most impressive guys who has been on our podcast in terms of just the way he thinks the way he sort of creates the life he wants, Charlie Jabbily.

I think it's not coincidence that he's kind of like a big kid. You know, like he thinks he's very almost childlike. Like he doesn't even think about, I'm not going to do this. He's like the kid. It's when the other people come in our lives and they say, dude, what are you doing? Why are you doing that? And then you're like, what do you mean? Yeah. Why are you doing that? Yeah. And then you're like, what do you mean?

And they're like, well, you are, you know, the Santa's not real. And then all of a sudden your fucking bubble bursts and you're like, fuck, I'm not special. I'm not like any. And dude, they, people buy into that shit. And then they go that other path, man. They go that path of just, you know, I'm going to get to this. And dude, that's also why you see so many lives fall apart, right? People that aren't dissatisfied, they get content. And what happens, man, they lose their fucking house. They lose their family. They lose, you know, their job. They,

their shit falls apart because they're not sharp anymore. They're not, you know, getting better. They're not improving. And the world catches you and takes a big bite out of your ass. I think everybody's that way. The idea of like perfect bliss. Oh, like, dude, I see this fucking word all over the internet right now. Oh, you should be living in bliss. Dude, fuck you. You know what bliss for me coming into this fucking building every day and seeing these fucking young guys kick ass, helping people change their fucking lives. And you know what? I got some fucking stress from it. And I have some things that I don't like about it.

But you know what? That's fucking bliss. Right. Bliss is not sitting with a fucking lemonade on the beach with sand on your fucking feet. Get the fuck out of here with that. 100%. You know what I'm saying? And you've said it before, but successful people don't deal in the ideal. They, they deal

in the real and there's, there's something better than bliss. And that is that looking at reality with two eyes wide open and choosing to have a positive attitude and response to it. Yeah, absolutely. So, um, so something I want to bring up also in regard to this whole restlessness thing is that as active as you are in business and social media, those of us who have been around you for a long time, there are times that you completely go off the grid. And I've come to realize that these are calculated things. And I want to talk about that because I think so many people are so immersed in our culture, which is like totally mediated, totally full of distraction, that one of the things that's probably true

is maybe there is something going on inside them that is a legitimately bad reason why they're restless, but they keep themselves so busy, they don't even take the time to look inward and think about, oh, okay, that's what's bothering them. So talk a little bit about the process, because I know sometimes you just unplug just unplug you just go off the grid yeah i start i start moving away from where i want to be as a person um and the truth when that goes on long enough i pull away and i get fucking

corrected yeah you know what i mean it's it's as simple as that. I audit myself, my actions, my words, what I say, how hard I work, how creative I am, how helpful I am, how contributing I am. And when I start to get away from that, dude, I pull back and I get refocused and that's it. And I always like to say to somebody, if somebody in Andy's situation can do that, you can too. Oh, yeah. You know, there's a great- The world's not going to fall apart for you taking a minute to figure out what it is you want. No, there's a great saying. It was coined. It's a phrase that's coined by the Harvard sociologist Joseph Nye, and it's called the paradox of plenty.

And basically, he was saying that in this culture, we're so bombarded with media, that's the plenty that we actually stop paying attention, not just to what's going on outside of us, but what's going on inside of us. So it's like how important it is just to pull away and just, however you do it, take a look inwardly and go, okay, I'm kind of miserable. I'm kind of dissatisfied. I'm kind of restless. Is there something bothering me? And nine times out of ten, if you take the time just to stop and ask that question, you're like, oh, that's what's bothering me. Right. And usually what I find, it's something that I'm doing. Right.

It's something that I'm doing. That you can correct. Yes. Yeah. Very easily. And by the way, when I come back from those times away, I always take a time away from like being social. Like I don't go out to dinners. I don't drink alcohol for,

you know, time, a long time after that. I usually go like, you know, 60 to 90 days with no alcohol so I can get that habit re reset. You know what I'm saying? Right.

Yeah. Yeah. So, so I guess final thing that I would, I, you know, we, we kind of touched on it before,

but I think it'd be a good thing to wrap up with. And that is that so many people out there have restlessness and dissatisfaction because, frankly, they have really warped expectations toward life just in general. Like what to expect, what's going to make you happy. So I'd just speak to that. Well, I think a huge thing is, you know, it's patience, man. It's understanding of how long time it takes, you know, to make things materialize. And they just don't understand it.

And, you know, I see it in my own companies, dude. I have people who come in and a year later, if they're not making six figures, you know, they're fucking pissed off. Or two years later, if they're not making six figures you know they're fucking pissed off or two years later if they're not making six figures they're pissed off you know and it's like okay well i'm glad you're pissed but what are you going to do to fucking get to the point where you want to be you know and what happens they fucking leave right you know and unfortunately you know i think people because of the way Instagram is and the way social media is and what we're bombarded by all this fucking flash shit, people have this expectation that it's just going to happen.

And that's just not how it happens. You know what I mean? I think it's a big culture issue in society to where we've lost the idea to put in 10 years into something or put in 15 years into something. Yeah, man. And to slog through it. Yeah. And, you know, we have these people telling all these people online to quit their jobs and fucking, if they're not happy,

if they don't like quit their shit and like you know dude i'm gonna tell you right now there's fucking lots of days where i fucking hate what i do but i ain't fucking quitting right you know what i mean that's why i am where i am right and you know um and like dude there's you got to be aware right is there upside in your position like are you able to grow a career you know or if you're working at mcdonald's and the best you're ever going to be is a fucking fry cook yeah that's something maybe you want to go find another job but um there's just you know there's just unrealistic living examples of life and culture all around us 24 hours a day of course that's going to affect people's perception of what their life should be like well you've said this before you know you don't see fucking a million people you don't see

a million people following a dude on instagram who makes fucking you know three grand a month and lives in a fucking four hundred dollar a month apartment like that motherfucker don't have a million followers on instagram right you know what i'm saying but the but most of the million followers following that motherfucker that's how they live you know and they're they're freaking the fuck out because they're not like that, dude. Well, dude, what did that guy get to get there? What do you give? You know, and they're like, oh, well, he worked for 20 years. Well, I don't want to work for 20 years. I want to work for three years because 20 years sounds so hard. And, dude, this goes back to what we talked about in the beginning. You know, people, they don't have faith in the work, man. Like I think on top of, you know, the outside, let's say I said 97% of people are crushed by their peers or people they love and care about told to be normal and they couldn't

be great. I think the other fucking, you know, let's say the 2%, you know, or the other contributing factor to those 97% is that they look at, they look at how far they got to go. And they say this to themselves, what if I do all this work and it doesn't work out? What if I fucking work as hard as I can do everything I can do, do everything I can to get ahead, build my skillset, put in the work, put in the time and it doesn't work and then they go talk to their friend their friend says well yeah fuck that that ain't gonna work and then

they go fucking drink beer and they quit you know what i'm saying like that's it right dude you and i know this you know how much money time energy that we've wasted on previous businesses that didn't you know end up working out yeah but Yeah. But holy fuck. But nobody sees that. Well, nobody sees that. But like the shit that you learn through those processes, like it's worth 10 times the money that you spent. I know, dude. But like I said, if you if somebody has not been immersed in it and they haven't seen it, they don't have any representation of it in their own life.

They don't believe it. It's just hard to get them to believe it. They think it sounds like bullshit. And like, dude, it's no different than looking at the top of Mount Everest and saying, fuck, I could never fucking get to the top of Mount Everest. Well, sure you can. It's very fucking simple. You're going to put one foot down and then you put the other foot down.

Right. And knock him up. And that's it. You just keep moving. The funny thing is a lot of the people that say they don't want to work for fucking 20 years. If hypothetical situation, if you asked a lot of those people to work just for 30 days to get everything of their dreams they couldn't right no but i i think uh i think a huge fundamental problem and we've talked about

this actually a while ago on the podcast but is this idea that just a a misunderstanding of the nature of the universe. And as you've put it before, people who think that life on Earth or life in this universe, it's a playground. And it's not. It's a battleground. And realizing that things aren't going to come easy in life. And happiness isn't going to come easy. And happiness is not going to come and stay. It's going to come and go.

And there's going to be struggle. And it's amazing to me how many people don't get that. They think life on planet earth is really just a, it's a playground and things should come easy and they're entitled to things. And I don't know, I, you know, obviously I believe in God, so I believe the universe is good, but that doesn't mean the universe is safe. Like there's, there's suffering in the world. There's bad people in the world. There's all sorts of things that are going to challenge your, your happiness and you got to fight for it. But once you get, so you said something in there that I really like, happiness is going to come and go.

So what happens the first time happiness comes and goes in most people's lives? Well, they quit on whatever it is. They fucking fold. Yeah, they fold. They fucking fold, dude. They quit. And then they spend the rest of their life bitching about how they used to have fucking happiness and how they got fucked out of it.

But the truth is, you know how successful people look at happiness when it goes away? They look at it like this. Fuck, I was able to create that that one time. So guess what? I'd create it again. Yeah. And again and again and again. And guess what I'd create it again yeah and again and again and again and guess what eventually they learn how to keep it because they got it and lost it and got it and

lost it and then they just get it and it's there because they're smart yeah you know but that's the difference in people man they and and the truth is happiness being in your life at one point in time should be enough evidence that it's you that creates it. Yeah, exactly. No, I hear you. And it's just, it's. But go to any local bar, dude, and you're going to hear a fucking sob stories at every fucking barstool about how they once had it all. And they fucking lost it.

As if it's just this passive experience that we have no control over. Well, dude, I think, and no offense to the religious community, but I think that's a big problem with organized religion, which is why I'm not organized in my spirituality. They make people think that everything is God's will and that everything is in the control of fucking, you know, this mystical force they call God. And it makes people fucking just accept the shit that comes their way. Yeah. I would argue that that's a misinterpretation of the way they're wrong in the way that they interpret God's will. Like as if God just wants us to roll over and passively accept anything that happens to us.

That's how most people justify it. I agree that that is how, I don't believe that that's how we're supposed to understand it, but I think that that's how most people understand it. You know how I look at it? Yeah. If God's supposed to be the creator and the father, which most people will say,

well, yeah, he is. He's supposed to be. Right. Well, then why the fuck, name me one father who doesn't want their son to fucking do the best they can. Yeah, there's a good,

can I quote a Bible verse? Yeah. So there's a good verse in Philippians that says, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. And that's a perfect example of we're called to struggle. We're called to work. We're called to work out, you know, our place in life. But really at the end of the day, we do do

that realizing that it's God's power that's given us strength and it's God's power that's given us the ability. So I think there's a paradox there that not everybody sees. Yeah, I get it. But that's because most people are fucking sheep. Right. Okay. So most people will fucking hear, oh, it's God's will. And then they hear, oh, well, I'm a fucking piece of shit. That's God's will. He made a piece of shit. Yeah. That's what he's going to think. No, no, no, no. I agree. No, I agree. It's very, very passive. That's the same reason why I don't fucking talk about luck. Why I never talk about luck on this podcast. Because if I say, oh, dude, I agree. No, I agree. It's very, very passive. That's the same reason why I don't fucking talk about luck. Why I never talk about luck on this podcast. Because if I say, oh, dude, we had this one situation where we got really lucky, everybody

points the finger and says, see, see, he got fucking lucky. And they quit. Right. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I know I hear you. It's bullshit. I'm with you.

No, the overall emphasis is on fighting for happiness, struggling for it, being active, you know, and not just rolling over and playing dead and saying, oh, I'm just not happy. It's ridiculous. It's about accountability, dude. Yeah, it is. It's about personal accountability. Yeah. It's about taking fucking responsibility for the decisions that you make.

Dude, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like if you fucking pour a cup of water on the fucking fire, guess what happens? Fire fucking goes out right there's not one time in the history of earth where you fucking had a little campfire and you put enough water on it that the motherfucker didn't go out that's the same this is cause and effect your life is cause and effect what you have right now is is a result of whatever decisions you made previous to that. That's it. It cannot be argued. It cannot be argued. I made the decision to fucking walk up to that guy's car window when I got fucking stabbed.

I made the decision to do all that shit. I didn't blame him. I don't blame anybody but myself. You know what I'm saying? Right. Well, you just used the optimal word. I think people who chronically live unsuccessful lives are always looking to place blame. And instead people who are successful, like who cares who's to blame. I'm going to take responsibility and choose to act. Yes. Yeah. And the truth of it is, is that, you know, we, we are, I just firmly believe what I'm saying and people, And people get mad when I say that shit because they're like, what about this? And what about that?

And what about this? And what about that? Well, the questions you should ask is like, well, how did I get in this position in the first place? Because I will bet you anything, most of the bad shit that has happened to you in your life, it was a result of you making poor decisions. Most of it.

Being in the wrong place, doing the wrong shit doing shit you probably didn't who was not right now are there accidents that can't be controlled somebody drops a beam on your fucking head from the skyscraper and you get crushed yeah but the truth is you did you decided to walk on the fucking street while they were new construction right you know i'm saying like right i just don't i don't know like i think it's you know like um jaco fucking extreme ownership i it's like every fucking once you once you accept that everything is a result of your decisions you become in control you know i'm saying like when you and like there are other exceptions. Sure. All right. There's fucking exceptions. There's things that are going to happen to you, but what can you do to make those things work for you? Right. It's like a game, dude. It's like a game.

This happened to me. How could I use it? Right. Dude, my favorite example is when, you know, people blame their spouse for cheating on them. It's like, let's fucking audit what kind of partner you've had. First of all, you picked her or him. Second of all, what'd you do to fucking create that situation where that was even a fucking issue? There's always two sides to the story. And I'm not condoning that, but I'm just saying, there are things that you did that contribute

to every fucking thing that happens in your life which people need to understand doesn't yeah it doesn't make what they did right but it does do their situations right like like let's say like let's use an example all right your your daughter or son gets cancer all right well maybe that's not a result of your actions but now you've got to own the actions right right and you've got to decide how we're going to make this into a good situation let's say the person dies all right that's terrible it's fucking horrible it's the worst thing ever but you still have to figure out what you learn from that situation and how you can use it to be ultimately happier. Okay. And dude, you know, people are like,

well, how the fuck do you figure that out when something like that happens? Well, first of all, you could use it to audit your own mortality and your actions and your life and how you're living. And that could ultimately improve you. There's all kinds of things that could happen that actually result in things progressing in a better way. So here's, here's the distinction that I think is important to make, because I think when we talk about taking personal responsibility and ownership, I think there are people out there who think it means beating yourself up, and it doesn't mean that. To me, here's an example from the Bible. So I think most people, even people who aren't familiar with the Bible, know that Judas is the person who betrayed Jesus. So after he did that, he felt horrible,

and he went out and hung himself. Okay. Well, that's beating yourself up. Well, in the same book of the Bible, Peter actually denied that he knew Jesus, later on felt horrible about it, but then went and basically reconciled with Jesus and said, he went back to him and said, hey, I really, I still want to serve you. You know, give me the commission and I'll go out and tell everybody about you. And I, and I think that's a huge distinction to make because when you talk about ownership, you're not take, you're not saying, Oh, it's my fault and I'm going to beat myself up and I'm just going to feel guilty and just wallow in self-pity for the rest of my life. No, you're saying, okay, my actions had consequences. I'm responsible for them, but instead of beating myself up and just

going and hanging myself, I'm going to do what needs to be done to make it right. That's right. Is that a good analogy? Absolutely. I love it. All right. Going back to the happiness, like how often you're happy versus how often like you're pissed off or stressed out. One of my favorite analogies is baseball. Like going to bat 10 out of 10 times. If you get three hits,

you can make a fucking career off that. Yeah. And do you think that they're not, do you think that they're pissed off the fucking six, you know, six, seven times that they strike out? Oh,

that's a good point. Like they strike out six or seven times in a row and you're going to be pissed. Yeah. But yeah, bat 300. Yeah. That's still considered good. You can be dissatisfied and restless right under the umbrella of still being happy that's the point people miss okay your overall life okay can be happy

and underneath that giant umbrella there could be a little sections of restlessness and frustration that doesn't mean you're unhappy and i think that is what people mistake a lot of times. You know, they have one situation or they have a situation that is ongoing. Like, you know, they have this person at work that they've got to deal with and it's frustrating them and it's making them angry. And every day they go to work, they got to blah, blah, blah. And they're like, fuck, I hate my fucking job. It's not that you hate your job. You hate this one aspect of your job and you're not doing anything to correct it. Right. You see what I'm saying? Absolutely. And you have to fucking, you have to realize that just because you have one situation in your life, that doesn't mean you're unhappy.

Just because you have 10 situations doesn't mean you're unhappy. You know what I mean? Right. Right. Definitely. Well, that's good stuff, man. I think we covered a lot of stuff. I just would close. Here's my final word. So people are restless. They're dissatisfied. If you look over the course of the history, the things that philosophers and all the smart people in the world say that human beings hunger for. It's truth, goodness, and beauty. And in popular terms, that means you want to be your truth. You want to be your authentic self. You want to be honest with yourself. Goodness, you want to be a good person. You want to be doing good in the world, doing the right thing. And beauty, you want to be considered an attractive person. And that's not necessarily physically attractive. It

just means somebody that people like and admire. i think those are ultimately the things that we should be we should be seeking for because as you as you've said as much as you like the the lamborghinis and the nice stuff what ed said is true like there's nothing that is as cool as you thought it was going to be that's right so so focusing on those core fundamental things that every human being struggles to hunger for, truth, goodness, and beauty, being your authentic self, being a good person, and really seeking to be somebody who's truly admirable for the right reasons. I think that should be our ultimate goal in life. Yeah. And if you do that, if you do, and by the way, that's, I love that. If you do that, what you're saying, you're going to feel you're, you're not going to confuse frustration with other areas of your life as I'm not fulfilling my purpose. Right. You see what I'm saying? Most people that say, I don't know what my purpose is. The reason they don't know

what their purpose is, is because a, they haven't developed any real skills yet. B, they're doing something that doesn't involve their real skills, their gifts. Okay. Or C, they're living an immoral life that's not aligned with their moral code and they're mistaking it as being unfulfilled from the other areas of their life. Okay. So if you want to have, do you want to feel like you have purpose? You've got to a do something that you're good at, B do something that you believe in and C live in alignment with your own personal moral code. I do.