REAL AF with Andy Frisella - SUNDAY SERMON: How to Become Someone People Would Die For, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO251

Episode Date: August 5, 2018

How do you become someone people would die for? In the age of social media, we talk about having "friends." But that term has become cheap. We think that if someone follows our page or likes our post, we're "friends." Not hardly. Real friends are a positive force in your life, energizing, truthful, supportive, and fiercely loyal. We all need real friendships because we can't do life by ourselves or succeed on our own. But if good friendships are what we want, a good friend is what we need to become.

If you want to make your dream become reality, the people that are running after that dream know they're going to have hard times. They keep on running because they're saying within themselves, I'm the one, I'm the one, no matter how bad it is or how bad it gets, I'm going to make it. What is up guys? You're listening to the MFCEO Project. I'm Andy. I'm your host. And I can't say the next part because this is a different episode of the MFCEO Project.

This is the new Sunday Sermon episode. You might be asking, what are these guys doing? Vaughn and I have been talking, man. We've been talking about how we could bring more value. And while we talk a lot about entrepreneurship and business and success, I feel like, and we both feel like we could talk a little bit more about positive character traits that can help you with those things. Because the truth of it is, guys, is that without building a solid foundation of morality and character, it's very hard to be successful and it certainly won't be fulfilling in the way that society is built right now. It used to be that everything wasn't transparent. You didn't know the decisions that were being made. You didn't know the kind of people that were running companies. It was all behind closed doors. So these things like character foundation and being a good person and being a moral person and doing that, they weren't as crucial as they

are today. So we came up with this idea for the Sunday sermon episodes of the MFCEO Project. It's not really business. It's not really self-help or motivation. It's basically how to kick ass at being a great person and make a huge positive impact on people. And a lot of times we're going to talk about how doing the right thing isn't just morally good. It actually makes you feel good. And it's how you have a good, fulfilling life. And all of that sets the foundation for the other parts of success. So today we decided that, well, before I say that today, we are on the Sunday Sermon joined by my co-host, DJ DJ God. The pastor of disaster. The pastor of disaster. Boy, I must be exercising more influence than I thought I was. Why is that? For us to have something called the

Sunday sermon. Sunday sermon. That's pretty impressive. I don't know, man. I just feel like it's, I feel like a lot of people are focusing a lot on success, you know, the tools, the mindset, and they're missing the foundational part, which is really building strong character traits that are morally aligned with the things that you need to have to be successful. Absolutely. Dude, everybody today is obsessed with what I would call techniques and formula. You see that everywhere, you know, like sales. And to your point, like when you talk about sales and aligning intent and making sure that really what you want is the best for the customer, well, that's a character issue, right? So, you know.

It's like building, it's like trying to build a house without pouring the foundation first. Right. Yeah, exactly. So you just build up all these sticks and you put the drywall on and you put the roof on and what happens the first time a storm comes, the fucker blows down. Right. You know what I mean? So that's what we're talking about really. And I think while we've covered a lot of these things indirectly and sometimes a little bit directly, I think it's good to focus on, on this aspect of success, because I don't think it's one that people really talk about. You hear a lot of buzzwords, you hear a lot of guys talking about, you know, doing the right thing and being kind and all this shit, but it's never explained,

right? It's never explained why it's important. And I think we have an opportunity with this new segment, and I don't know if we'll do it every Sunday, but it's going to be something that we do regularly. And to really try to help you guys practically build the character that you need to build. Because dude, not everybody was privileged enough to have people in their life to show them those things. You know what I mean? Absolutely. And I just what I mean? Absolutely. And I just, I mean, with the people who know, this is kind of cliche, but it is true that what you do flows out of who you are.

Absolutely. Like you, you know, you, you can't get, you know, how's the old saying, uh, can't get blood from a turnip. You know, you just can't get, uh, if you, if you, in your core, if you're a screwed up person, you're not going to, everything's going to be screwed up. It's, and so you can't, uh, you got to start with character, but, uh, you know, on a practical level, we've talked about this over the last couple years, but you most recently addressed it in your last, uh, episode, which I got to say, dude,

was brilliant. Like the one about the two things about being happy. And the thing that you touched on briefly about that, um, was you talked about like, if you have an unclear conscience, you can't be happy. It's impossible. Like if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're violating and you're violating your conscience, you can't be happy. And what most people do is project that out as it's other people. Right. When it's actually you. Right. You know what I mean? Most people, whenever you, you can never get them to fully be accountable for their own actions um to where they understand like dude the reason i'm not happy is because i know i'm not doing the right things right i'm not living the right way and when you're not living the right way and you're doing things to violate your core beliefs that everybody has in their heart whether those beliefs are right or wrong

which is what we're going to talk about sort of today and going onward in this segment, when you violate those and your actions aren't aligned, you're going to feel like shit. Yeah. It's just the way it is. Absolutely. And I think so many people are looking and like,

dude, we're so filled with this fucking love fluff bunny shit. So true. On the internet, like all these motherfuckers are talking about self-love and you know love yourself and accept yourself and you're good enough and you're worthy and dude none of those people i could tell by the way they're saying know what the fuck they're talking about they're just parroting other people's shit and the truth of it is is that dude if you want to be happy you got to do a little bit of work and a little bit

of work doesn't mean you have to go out and dig a fucking ditch. It just means you have to consciously make decisions that are aligned with what you believe to be right and wrong. Right. Right? Right. And then you have to challenge yourself. You know, if you're bored, if you're sitting at home

and you know you are capable of doing much greater things, you're going to constantly think like, man, I'm a real piece of shit. Right. And that's just what the voice is going to say. Right. it's you've said this a number of times and a lot of people not to cut you off no you're good but a lot of people will a lot of people will be like i'm not you know they're not in tune with their inner voice right they're they say one thing they act one way they they they say they put off a projection of who they are you know lewis howes would say they wear a mask right and um and on the inside they're they're agonizing because they know

it's fucking bullshit right and dude that's why they're not confident that's why they don't have self-esteem that's why they're not happy and dude all these motherfuckers on the internet that are telling people all this bullshit about self-acceptance. Dude, if you're a shitty person that's not doing the things that align with your core values, you're not doing the right things. You're not challenging yourself. You shouldn't fucking accept that. they've they've um they've just they they start pushing this agenda and they make people and it's sad dude because people who who you know we deal with people who are extremely overweight a lot of times in our business and a lot of them until they're educated on the changes they can make they've been told their whole lives well that's just the way i am right my family's overweight right i'm overweight that's just the way it is and My family's overweight. I'm overweight. That's just the way it is and there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm just a victim of my genes. Yes. And dude, it's not that they don't want to change. That's what they've been taught. And so what's happening right now in society is you have this movement that I think has good intentions sometimes. I think a lot of times

the movement is actually driven by people's own egos to be a quote unquote guru when they actually don't know what the fuck they're talking about. But the truth of it is, is that when you push the agenda of self-acceptance, when people aren't living, you're teaching them that they can't change, which is going to ultimately keep them unhappy. Absolutely. And that's fucked up. 100%. You know what I mean? And dude, I see it.

I see it on like literally 99% of the people out there. This is what they're pushing right now. And it's not, it's not right. It's not okay. You know, because what you're doing is you're just like the overweight person who is being told by everybody else in their family. Well, that's just who you are. When in reality, they don't want to be overweight. They want to be able to run with their kids. They want to be healthy. They want to live longer. They want to be able to go to the swimming pool and not be embarrassed. They want to be able to run with their kids. They want to be healthy. They want to live longer. They want to be able to go to the swimming pool and not be embarrassed. They want to be able to buy clothes. But they're being taught by everybody around them that they can't do that.

So they don't believe in it. So they just stay that way and ultimately are miserable. And that's what's happening with the fucking feel-good movement in America right now. 100%. You know? 100%, dude. I was actually reading a book about athletic peak performance and what happens when athletes get in the zone. And one of the things

they say is that literally, there's this forgetfulness of self. They're not even thinking about themselves. They're not thinking about what they're doing. They're just completely absorbed in the task of being part of the athletic competition, supporting their teammates. And I thought of that. What hit me is that that's a great analogy for happiness and being a good person is that this self-help, self-love craze that you're talking about is constantly telling people, think about yourself. I'm worthy. I'm, I'm enough. I'm this, I'm that be self-aware. Well, maybe that's not the answer. Maybe the answer is stop thinking about yourself and just lose yourself in the task of being a good person and putting other people ahead.

And then you'll be in the zone. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And then incorporate that with the two, the two other things, living congruent to your values and challenging yourself. Right. Absolutely. So, I mean, dude, I totally agree because what it's really telling people is like, cause like, dude, let's be real, dude. The fucking internet has turned everybody into a fucking narcissist. Right. You know what I mean? Like let's fucking push it out to manipulate the response. So I get the most likes and everybody looks at me and I'm fucking somebody. And if I don't like it or if I don't get enough likes, pull it off, you know, which is crazy. It's, it's really kind of fucked up society,

which actually leads in to what we're going to talk about today. These podcasts aren't going to be real long. They're not going to be an hour long. We're going to try to keep them short so you can get on with your Sunday. But what we're going to talk about today really has a lot to do with what I just said about the internet and how society is being trained. It's talking about one of the most common questions that we get in our, in our company is dude, how do you get so many good people? How do you have so many great people? And they don't mean when they say that those people

who are saying that are not saying, how do you get people that work so hard? Or how do you get people that are so smart? Or how do you get people that, you know, make the business more profitable? That's not what they're saying. What they're saying when they say that is how did you guys find so many great people, good people, good friends, people who are loyal, people who have integrity? How did you create that? We get asked that all the time. And I think most people really struggle with this because the internet has taken away our need to truly connect with people on a personal level and change a conversation that you and I might

have at a picnic table on Sunday after a barbecue to some likes on the internet. And I think a lot of people, especially younger people, really struggle with how to create good friendships, how to become someone who is surrounded by tremendous people of tremendous character who support you and push you and challenge you and hold you accountable. And they're like, nobody's out there. Nobody's like that. Well, that's not the case. There's lots and lots of people like that. Well, and it's not just that social media has tried to take away that need. I mean, it's obviously not been successful, but they've warped people's idea of what a friend is. It's really cheapened it.

That's right. Like, you follow me. You like my stuff and comment. We're buddies. We're friends. Yeah, even though you might not have ever met the person. Right. And what's sad, and dude, we can sound like old fogies here, but you're-

You sound like an old fogey because you used the word old fogey. I know. But you and I, we're both, I mean, I'm older than you are, but we are from an age where when you were young, even up to a teenager, the stuff you did with your friends was really, really bonding stuff. It was like you go play army. You ride bikes together. Play sports. You talk to your friends.

It's like you said. It's not the fault of the younger generation that they came up with screens. We have developed an understanding of what it means. How to connect with people. That's right. When we talk about this whole thing this whole friendship thing i don't know if i've ever told you this but one of the things that i always well dude von the problem with this too dude is that depression rates are on the rise right okay with younger people you know why because they can't fucking connect with people right they don't know how to make real friends they don't have that that hole in in their in their soul filled right all right you know what

i mean and like they say oh i don't need a lot of friends i'm a loner everybody needs a couple friends right you know what i mean and i'm not talking about internet friends we're definitely social creatures but something that i haven't told you before that i i always think about almost every day is like your your guy scott back here, um, what's his actual title? What is he like the warehouse manager or whatever? He's, he's a head of distribution for everything. Yeah. Well, like almost every time I see that guy, I think, dude, he's the guy that pulled the guy off the guy that was stabbing you. And I was like, I'm still getting chills. Like I'm getting, and I always think to myself, like, that's the kind of friend you want.

Yeah. You want somebody who's literally going to go after some big dude with a knife who's going out. So, so that's clearly what we're going to talk about, right? It's going to, how do you, how do you- It doesn't have to be a long podcast because the answer is really, really simple. Right, right. It's pretty simple stuff.

So, so give me your formula. Give me your technique. Well, you said it earlier. Has uh hashtag sarcasm for you said it earlier yeah you said i think you said i don't remember exactly how you said it but basically what you said is you get back what you put out right okay and if you whatever it is that you want to attract and we see this with we see this a lot with like guys trying to attract girls you know or girls saying there's no good guys we see this a lot so this doesn't just provide for go for friendships it goes for relationships too you know you have

a guy let's just say use a guy as an example who has doesn't have a shit together he's not doesn't have a job doesn't have a career doesn't have ambition is not you know uh friendly okay uh he's not a positive influence he lies you know um but he's and still is crying and complaining and whining about why he hasn't attracted this certain female right well the reason that you've never attracted that certain females because you have not become the type of person that would attract a female of the caliber that you want all right and that's just reality and people your your mom's probably told you all all that matters is that you have a good heart no it doesn't fucking matter that's not what fucking matters and most of you don't have a good heart okay you pretend to have a good heart so you could probably so maybe you can get laid. Okay. So let's be real. If you want to attract a good,

good quality relationships, you've got to become the kind of person, exactly the kind of person that you're looking for. Okay. So if you're looking for someone who is of positive influence, who's loyal, who's truthful, who holds you accountable, who, you know, adds to your energy and not takes away somebody who you have fun with, who you have great conversations with, who sees the world the way that you see it to attract those people. You have to become that kind of person. All right. And a lot of people don't really understand that. They think that friendships are just something of happen, uh, happenstance or, you know, um, an accident. Oh, I'm, you know, but that's not how it works. What really works is dude, you attract what you

put out and, uh, whatever it is that you're getting back that you're lacking from people, you probably don't possess yourself. Right. You know what I mean? Absolutely. It's a mirror of what you're, of what you're putting out. So if you're constantly meeting people who aren't telling you the truth and they're not loyal, it's probably because you don't tell the truth and you're not loyal. And just because you think they don't know that, it still fucking matters. Absolutely. And I'm not condemning people. I don't know people's situations.

But a lot of times when you meet somebody- Look, this is all a project. Right. It's a project. You know what I'm saying? But a lot of times when you meet somebody and you find out that they've been married like five or six times, right? There's all project right it's a project but a lot of times when you meet somebody you find out you find out that they've been married like five or six times right there's a reason there's a reason and what's interesting is if you look at their their spouses

over those six they're usually the same make and a different model yeah and the reason that they're the same make is that you're attracting the same kind of person again and again because that's who you are that's right so you could change the model but the make's not going to change you know that's right it's the same person within a different shell right you know basically fuck dude i mean dude i i have friends even at my you know i'm pretty young still for for for life you know and i have friends who fucking ruin their lives because of that that same thing and like i know a lot of you guys listening are shaking your head yes like yeah i keep dating the same fucking shit bags over and over. Well, that's because there's something going on with you that you're not aware of and you

need to be aware of. Right. And that's a good point because sometimes it's not intentional. Oh, fuck. It's never intentional. Dude, people aren't aware. Right. Yeah.

And like, dude, they'll say stuff like this. They'll be like, oh, well, you know, I keep finding these same pieces of shit, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There's no good guys. And when they should be saying, what am I doing to continue down the same path over and over again? What am I doing to attract this same sort of relationship? What am I doing to keep having friends that lie to me or, or don't tell me the truth or don't show up when we're supposed to have plans? Well, how many times have you lied to them? How many times have you actually told the truth to them?

How many times have you missed plans to other friends? Dude, I'm convinced people can try to convince me all they want, but dude, what goes around comes around, and it's just the way it is. Absolutely. And I don't have the scientific reason, and i don't think anybody does of why that is but dude i've experienced enough in my life to know that like dude when you have certain things your life is a reflection of what you are and um and a lot of times that's a hard thing for people to swallow you know because you as a pastor have dealt with lots of people who have relationships

and you know i'm sure they've came to you and they said i keep having these same things happen to me but i don't know why because i'm perfect i'm a great person and you've had to be like well joe yeah you know what i'm saying exactly it makes me think of that that i don't know if you've ever seen that movie liar liar with jim carrey yeah where it's the guy's constantly getting in trouble he's like i don't know what to do. And Jim Carrey says, stop breaking the law. You know, it's like you keep on doing the same thing over and over again, you're going to get the same results. But, uh, no, but you know, to, to transition to the, cause obviously, yeah, you want to like, you like attracts like, if you want to, to, to have good friends, you got to be a good friend and you got to work on being a good friend. So, so you just know, not, not automatic, but you just touched on something that that pertains to when people do have things in

their life that they're they're really screwed up on a good friend what tells them the truth that's right right and let's talk about that because a lot of people are just they're incapable they're incapable and they're incapable because they don't want to hurt feelings yeah but see you don't want to understand that a good friend a look, man, everybody's gone through that. Like, there's lots of times where I didn't tell people the truth when I was younger because I was really honestly afraid to hurt their feelings or afraid to tell them the truth. You know, about like, let's say something they were saying to me, they had a problem

and they're like, what do you think? And me thinking I was being a good friend, be like, oh that other guy when in reality i'm like dude it's you bro you know and um that took me a long time to figure out and what changed it for me was that what really changed it for me was um when i was in business i started to realize that like dude i couldn't like i couldn't make someone feel good for doing a bad job. Right. So, so I would have to tell him like, dude, you you're fucking terrible. Like you need to do this, this and this to get good. And the first couple of times, dude, that sucked. I remember the first time I had to fire a kid, dude, I fucking cried afterwards because I felt so fucking terrible. I felt fucking horrible. You know what I mean? But dude, the truth is, is that

me firing him was the best thing I could have ever done because he could not have succeeded in our company. Wake up call. That's right. And so what I learned through those experiences, you know, for years and years and years is that, dude, it's just easier to tell someone the truth because the truth is, is that if you truly care about someone, being nice is telling them the truth, even if it comes off as harsh.

People think that when you, a lot of people in society will think, oh, you're being mean when you tell someone the truth because you disagree with their point of view. But the truth of it is, is that you're actually being a much better friend. So being nice is not telling them what they want to hear. So they continue to make the same mistake over and over and over again. Being nice is telling them the truth up front so that they could change in a positive way later. And when I figured that out and it clicked for me, dude, I'd tell everybody the truth now. And I don't even think about it.

And like, dude, I don't concern myself too much with their reaction because I know their reaction is something that they need to work out on their own. Absolutely. And I think the way that you begin to see the value in telling people the truth is that when you've experienced it yourself from a good friend. I dated this girl for three years and I thought, I mean, she was a pastor's daughter. I thought we were going to be match made in heaven. She breaks up with me. Initially, my response is pretty good, but I went down in the dumps for a while. And the truth is, and I'm embarrassed to say this, but it took me a long time to get over her. And I let it, like, degenerate into bitterness. And when I went away to seminary, I had all these guys that were real nice and everything, like, oh, you know, being compassionate and like, well, you'll get over it soon.

Well, my roommate at the time finally just had enough and he's like dude let it go yeah like i don't know how to tell you this but you wear this like a weight around your neck and it affects your whole attitude and it just seeps out of you and he says if you don't let this go he's like you're not brokenhearted you're pissed you're just pissed that you didn't get what you wanted your pride got hurt and he said let me tell you something if you're if you let this root of bitterness grow into like a redwood tree 20 30 years from now you're just gonna be this angry old man mad at god mad at the world and you're not gonna be able to stop because it's gonna become who you are yeah and it was like holy cow he was right if you hadn't have gotten over it you wouldn't be where you are today right which is much better situation. But I needed somebody to speak the truth in love

but do it in kind of a straightforward way and just say, dude, you got to get over this. And if we're constantly coddling each other because we don't want to hurt feelings, that's not being a good friend. Yeah, but you don't have to be a dick when you tell the truth. No.

But you have to be stern in your opinion. Like if you say, well, you know, I kind of think that you might, I don't know, I kind of think that, you know, that you might, I don't know, maybe it's time to get over that Vaughn. Like that ain't going to stick with you. Right. You know what I mean? You kind of have to slap somebody in the face and say, Hey dude.

Right. It's fucking over. Right. You know what I'm saying? Let it go. Yeah. Yeah. So.

And spell out the, like the consequences, you know? So, I mean, the, the, the bottom line here is this. And this doesn't have to be a long podcast because the answer to this question is very simple. If you're having trouble developing true relationships and having good friends, it's because you're lacking in one of the areas that you're looking for. All right? And you might hear this right now and be like, fuck, no, I don't. I'm great. I'm this, I'm that.

Dude, that's part of the problem. You need to pull that ego away and truly look at yourself and say, okay, I want somebody who's a positive influence. I want someone who tells the truth. I want someone who's loyal, who helps me and pushes me and holds me accountable. You know, someone who makes my day better and puts energy into my life and who I can have a good time. What, what about me is not like that? You know, am I a crab ass? You know what I'm saying? You know, do I not tell the truth all the time? Do I not push people to be better? You know what I'm saying? Right. Do I not follow through on my commitments? Do I, you know, whatever. You're a bad person. This just means you have some work to do. Right. and we all have work to do fuck dude when i say those things there's a couple of

those things that i need to work on you know what i mean so like i don't want people to take it as like i got it all figured out because and i have some wonderful people around me and i've learned a lot but i mean there's things i could be better to be a better friend there's no doubt you know but i'm aware of what i need to work on i think that's the key absolutely no good stuff man i you know the final thing i would say is just and i don't really know how to describe it other than you should have the final word you're a fucking pastor oh yeah well you should belt out some like church shit for us well the i actually think a couple of the guys have this verse somewhere on uh somewhere in the company here, but it's,

as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. And that's just to keep in mind, like literally you're influenced by the people you hang out with, you know? I mean, they literally shape you. And so be real careful who you let into your sphere of influence. And also, but also take seriously that you should be the kind of person that's positively shaping somebody else. And I don't know, it's just, it's just huge. I, I guess the, the, the thing that I would say is that you've said this a billion times. I mean, I've met very, very few people in life who are, who are as strong and as independent as you, but never in a million years would you ever say, well, I can do life alone. You know,

I can do it alone. I can do it all myself. So I just think people need to realize like, we seriously need friends. And as the old, as the old saying goes, if you want to be friends, if you want to have friends, you got to be friendly. And what people got to understand too, man. And, and, uh, and then I'll let you answer that. But, uh, you know, when you become people like, okay, well I'll become the best of this. Then what, dude, what's going to happen is people are going to be fucking attracted to you. You're going to meet people. They're just going to come into your life and you're going to meet them and be like, fuck dude, this guy's a, this is a good friend. Yeah. You know what I mean? And you're going to be able to recognize it because you're

consciously working on yourself. Yeah, absolutely. All right. This is the last thing I'm going to say, and then you can wrap up. So, you know I'm a nerd. I read everything. I read a great story about how during the American Civil War, Abraham Lincoln was really depressed, so he went to a local church, wanted to hear a good sermon, kind of pep him up. He goes in, listens to the sermon, walks out, and his aide says, well, tell me about the sermon. And he goes, well, it was solidly based on the Bible. It was very eloquent, and it was very well illustrated. And the aide goes, oh, so it was a good sermon. And Lincoln goes, nope, it wasn't a good sermon because the preacher did not ask of us something great. And I guess I feel like at the end of the day, the best way to be

a good friend is to live in such a way that it demands greatness of the people around you. And it inspires greatness and motivates greatness. And to me, there's no better way of being a friend than to have such incredible standards that you sort of naturally lift up the people around you and the people closest to you. Totally agree. That's it. That's it. All right.