REAL AF with Andy Frisella - SUNDAY SERMON: How to Disagree Without Despising Each Other, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO274

Episode Date: November 18, 2018

Why is that people nowadays think that if we disagree, we have to hate each other? Why do people think that if I share an opinion that is the opposite of yours, that it's somehow a personal attack & offensive? The media & politicians fuel this mentality & it's really killing our ability to get along & be good & decent people to one another. It's got to stop. There's a way to disagree - even strongly - with one another without despising each other. That's what we talk about in today's Sunday Sermon.

The people that are running after their dream know they're going to have hard times. They keep on running because they're saying within themselves, I'm the one, I'm the one, no matter how bad it is or how bad it gets, I'm going to make it. What is up, guys? You're listening to the MFCEO Project. I'm Andy, I'm your host. And I am the motherfucking CEO. Guys, today is Sunday Sermon. And I'm here with my co-host, Vaughn, otherwise known as DJ DJ God, only on Sundays.

That's right. What's up, dude? A lot of things are up. What are you, like a boner? Hey, dude. Look, dude, I was thinking last night. I was watching, there's a good Netflix series. My buddy, Chris Prada, who's a plastic surgeon, he does all the fake titties here in town,

which I think would be an awesome job. Is that the one Sal's wife works for? No, no, no. That's Mike Nyad. Oh, okay. He's a plastic surgeon, too, but they're buddies. But anyway, that's how I met Chris, Dr. Prada, from Nyack. But talk about two great business guys. Fuck, man.

Yeah. Great business dudes. Good dudes, too. But he recommended us to watch this miniseries or a documentary series, a Netflix original called Medal of Honor. All right. I just saw that advertised. Okay. Yeah.

It's good. Is it really good? Yeah, it's good. So like what it is, is like, it's like the stories of Medal of Honor recipients told by other guys who also won the Medal of Honor for something else. So one guy who's won the Medal of Honor is narrating the story, and while he's narrating it, they have actors playing it out.

It's really cool. What are some of the things that you have to do to get the Medal of Honor? You have to go above and beyond the call of duty. You have to risk your own life, and there has to be witnesses. Okay? And those were the three things that they said in the documentary. Now, there might be more.

Yeah. But they said it's very hard to determine the difference between somebody who gets the award right below the Medal of Honor because there's so many guys that do crazy heroic stuff. Right. So I just, first of all, if you're into that kind of stuff, like Band of Brothers, you ever seen that? Oh, yeah. That's my favorite series ever.

That's an incredible one. And then the one that's kind of the counterpart to that isn't too bad, The Pacific. Did you ever watch that? Oh, yeah. That's my favorite series ever. That's an incredible one. And then the one that's kind of the counterpart to that isn't too bad, The Pacific. Did you ever watch that? Yeah, yeah. The Band of Brothers though is just, I think that's the best one ever. It's awesome. Well, I'm all about World War II. Okay, so you'll love this, alright? Because it also covers like modern

Medal of Honor recipients. It's not just like, it's old and new. Guys who were past, guys who are still living. It's just really cool. That who were past, guys who are still living. It's just really cool. That's awesome. But, dude, I was watching it, and at the end of each series, they show the actual ceremony where they get the Medal of Honor and then read the citation of the description of what they did. And dude, it's no secret that I tend,

everybody that listens to this knows that I tend to lean towards conservative. We talked about this on last Sunday, I think. I can't really remember what we talked about because I was in the middle of a fucking rant. People liked it. Yeah, well, I believe, well, dude, it's the fucking truth.

No, absolutely. Everybody knows it's the truth. Yeah, yeah. Okay? I don't even want to get started because I will go off. Certainly when it comes Yeah, well, I believe, well, dude, it's the fucking truth. No, absolutely. And everybody knows it's the truth. Yeah, yeah. Okay? I don't even want to get started because I will go off. Certainly when it comes to national defense, you are conservative. Well, I'm just fiscally conservative and I'm socially liberal. I'm more of a libertarian.

But I lean towards voting to the right because the left is so fucking aggressive with pushing their views on people that I don't believe in that. Like, I believe in live and let live. Like, if you could do your thing, do your thing. You don't need to push it on people. Right. That I don't, I don't believe in that. Right. Like I believe in live and let live. Like if you could do your thing, do your thing. You don't need to push it on me. Yeah. All right.

That's not equality. Equality is we all get to do what the fuck we want to do. Right. All right. So, um, anyway, so I never voted for Obama and I,

quite honestly, I thought he was a terrible fucking president. Terrible in every fucking way. Terrible for the country's culture. Terrible for race relations. Terrible for the economy. I think he's the worst fucking president that ever lived. He's up there for sure.

Okay. And if you look at the statistics, that's not an argument that can be argued. Okay. The stats don't fucking lie. Numbers wise, it is what it is. Right. The stats don't fucking lie. Numbers wise, it is what it is. But here's what I remember thinking as I was watching him. I'd like to have a fucking beer with that guy. Absolutely.

You know what I'm saying? People think because I didn't vote for him and I think he was a bad president that I somehow hate him. Dude, I don't hate him. And dude, Bill Clinton too. I would rather have a beer with Bill Clinton. You know what though? I would like to have a beer with Obama and Bill Clinton. Yeah.

And you know what? I didn't vote for either one of them. Right. And the thing is, I just think that it's weird today. Because I remember I was sitting there and I'm thinking, oh my God, he just seems like a cool dude. And he does seem like a cool dude. Like, and, and he does seem like a cool dude. Like he seems like a guy I would fucking drink a beer with. And we would joke around, shoot some fucking hoops, talk shit, smoke some cigarettes. You know what I'm

saying? Maybe smoke some weed. Like, you know, if nobody was fucking watching, you know what I'm saying? Like, he just seems like, he seems like a cool fucking dude yeah and uh and i think it's interesting and it got me thinking um how it's interesting today that if you disagree with someone's motives or you disagree with their politics or you disagree with what they believe that somehow they have to be your enemy right Right. You have to hate them. Yeah. And like, why is that? What is that? Like, where did it go that like you and I, as grown men who have totally different worldviews, can have different points of view

about what we've experienced and what we believe and all of these things that quite honestly um are trivial compared to what we have in common right okay because we have much more in common than we do different and that and if you were a black man it would be the same right if you were an asian man it would be the same if you were a woman it'd the same. We have far more in common than we do to fight about. But human nature, at least human culture over the last, and I do think Obama had a part in this, honestly. 12 years or so has become so polarizing and divisive that it makes us believe that if we disagree with someone's point of views, that we don't like that person or we can't hang out with that person or we can't go to dinner with that person or we can't like their shit on social media. You know what I mean? Right.

Like you're either all the way with me or you're all the way against me and that's it. Right. You know, and I think that's a shame. It is a shame. I think it really is because somehow we've let the extremes dictate what's the normal policy in America. Like, I mean, I experienced this as a pastor. I used to hang out with a lot of people that were not very good Christian people. Sort of Jesus.

Yeah, exactly. And there were really, really conservative people in my congregation. This wasn't the majority, but there were really, really conservative people, like hyper conservative, that'd be like, why are you hanging out with these guys? But Vaughn, isn't your job as a leader of the church to help people improve? Yeah, they thought that by me hanging out with guys that were radically different, that I was somehow approving of what they did or said. And I think that's crazy.

But of course, the exact opposite extreme is the liberals who say, you only love me and really value me if you subscribe to what i say like which is not true and i honestly i'm i won't get into this but i do think that there are certain people with certain kinds of lifestyle that they either say you approve of it you celebrate it or you hate me no you don't you don't have to approve or celebrate and you don't have to hate either. Right, exactly. You know what I'm saying? So my question is, why do people like you and me, why do we have friends that are all over the spectrum?

And I do. Yeah, and I do too. And why do we have friends who are all over the spectrum? Dude, I have friends that I talk to on a regular basis who are, dude, I have people that represent my company that are extreme fucking liberal feminists. Extreme. Right. Like the furthest extreme. I know exactly who you're thinking of.

Okay. And you know what? Dude, they represent their views in a respectful manner and they have logical discussions and I can respect that. Now, do I agree with those viewpoints? No, I don't agree with a lot of the things that are said but that doesn't mean that we can't work together we can't do things productive together we can't be friends can't have drinks can't have a dinner can't support each other

you know and i think that's something that really i think that's a big problem with uh with our culture right now you know kind of continuing on from what we talked about last sunday where we you know basically just went off on all the problems i've had some time and you've had some time to talk about some of the maybe the the actual causes and the causes yeah on a on a person by person basis right and i think that's what we're talking about here is that, you know, we have to recover the lost art of disagreeing with one another without despising one another. And there are there are many ways to do that, but they require maturity and they require logic and they require understanding and tolerance and compassion, which, by the way, are all the things that the extreme left preach. Right. But they don't exercise.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I agree, man. I grew up, I mean, I'm getting old. I'm older than most people in our listening audience. And the truth is, is that I remember being a young kid and all the Democrats that I knew, all the liberals that I knew, all the liberals that I knew, they were the ones that were protecting free speech. They were the ones that were saying like, no, you ought to be able to share that and

not have somebody jump all over you. And in some ways it was the hyper conservative people that wanted to like censor people. I remember that. And now it's gotten to where liberalism has become this like, if you don't toe the line with political correctness, if you speak your mind, you are censored. Right. And we only tolerate that which— Like, it's almost like they assume that we all really think what they think.

Right. We're scared to say it. It's crazy. And the worst thing about it, the worst thing about it is that it's, like, literally—that whole mindset has completely infested our university system. Oh, yeah. So all the people, not all of them, but by and large, you know, these kids go to these state universities, and there's not really a healthy marketplace of ideas. There's the really off-the-rocker professor who's espousing his views,

and if you question him or any of the really active liberal groups on campus, you're somehow a hate monger or you're a bigot or racist or whatever. You can't raise any legitimate questions. And the funny thing and what those people don't understand is that by attacking people for questioning what they believe with those sort of attacks, all you're doing is removing the validity of those statements. Like now the term racist doesn't mean what it meant five years ago or eight years ago. Right. Because everybody is. Everybody's a racist now.

Have you heard about what's happened? And I'm just using this as an example, but have you heard about what's happened with this young Asian girl at the University of California, Berkeley? Her name's Isabella Wong or something like that. Well, there was a big student government vote, and it was on something, I don't know what it was, but it was on something about the whole transsexual issue. And what she did is, she's a student senator,

and what she did was she said, hey, listen, I have all the love in the world for all different kinds of people, wherever they're coming from. But me personally, from my personal point of view, I believe that they're really only two genders, man and woman. And so I can't in good conscience vote for whatever they were voting for. Sounds reasonable, right?

I mean, she's just speaking up for her thing. She has been absolutely vilified like she's been called a hate monger she's been called anti this and anti that because she actually thinks that there's two genders instead of 27 genders um it's and again i'm not getting into who's right and who's wrong on that issue what i'm getting into is that if you read what she said it was very it was expressed very respectfully, very lovingly, and yet she is being tarred and feathered. Like in the media?

In the media, really at California Berkeley. There's all these student groups that are calling her a hate monger and that she's anti-transsexual or whatever. But it just goes as, the point being is that how have we gotten to a point in our culture where we can't like legitimately express ourselves in very honorable uh respectful you know loving ways without all of a sudden somebody coming back and saying no you're a hate monger or you're you know homophobic or whatever that's an easy argument it's easy it's easy to call someone a bigot it's easy to call someone a bigot. It's easy to call someone a racist. It's easy to say you're fear-mongering or hate-mongering.

It's easy to say someone's a homophobe. But what's not easy is to sit down and examine their argument and then also examine your own argument and then see what pieces fit where. That takes thought. That takes reflection.

And it takes humility. And there's not a lot of those things going around right now. No, not at all. You know, it's interesting. Well, I was saying, you and I both, we have lots of friends who are on a wide variety of a spectrum. And on the one hand, we get along with all of them. On the other hand, we're not actually saying that, you know, the differences between what you believe and what I believe, we're not saying, oh, they don't matter. We're striking that balance between saying, hey, what we believe on this does matter, and our differences do matter, but they don't keep us from engaging one another in friendship.

So my question is, why is it that you and I and a lot of people like us are able to do that, but the vast majority of people aren't? Like, why don't, why, I don't consider myself super special. I don't think I'm, like, super unique in my ability to get along with people. But it does seem like what we exercise in our own lives is increasingly rare. Let's be real, dude. Okay. I was just on the phone with Randall Pitch, right, as I was driving up to the headquarters today.

And we were talking and we were laughing about how, like, we were actually talking about this exact thing. But we were laughing at how, you know, we were literally having almost this exact same conversation, but we were laughing about how like, dude, neither one of us will go on Facebook very much anymore. And the reason why we don't go on Facebook is because the amount of stupidity

and negativity and it's so negative that like when you're busy you've got to be conscious about what you allow in your brain because if you let those things take up space in your brain that's less space for things that are going to be productive and you just can't do that because we're like anybody else dude uh you know i could read something online and it can infuriate me and cause me the next three hours to be concerned with shit that really doesn't fucking matter and um we were laughing you know i think the first difference of what you're asking on that question is that dude first of all you gotta believe you gotta understand all right what we're bombarded with on a daily basis is literally and i don't say this

to be mean but it's literally the one percent lowest intelligence of the world the malcontents of the world absolutely so we see the dumbest people arguing with the dumbest motherfucking people right okay and then we're and then what we assume is that everybody's like that but the truth is is that most people are keeping their mouth shut, like you and I, and they're having logical conversations. So first off, don't think that just because, and I'm talking to myself here too, don't think just because you see this shit everywhere, it's how everybody is because it's not true. Right. Okay. Second of all, I believe that intelligent people, especially once you grow up a little bit, and when I say grow up, I mean you start to think for yourself. Instead of looking to other places for validation or looking to the news.

Because, dude, let's be real. The media has an agenda, and their agenda is to be extreme, okay? That's why, you know, we have all these shootings is because the fucking media sensationalizes the fucking shootings. And these kids who are lost think that their only way to be relevant is to do shit like that. If the media would be responsible media and promote shit that was actually productive and positive in an unbiased format, we would have a lot less of these fucking things going on. Yeah. And the truth of it is, is that we're going to watch the media's message no matter what. So it's a commitment that they got away from.

You know, it used to be, the news used to be, when you went to school for journalism, it was learn how to report. What does that mean? That means observe and fucking say what happened and let the people decide what they think about it. Now when you go to journalism school, it's about how to make a spin

so that you can get the spotlight on you and position yourself as some sort of authority so that you can move up and get your own show and become, dude, if you watch these people on the news and you take a step back and you watch them and not listen to what they're saying, you can truly see that they're in it for themselves. Absolutely.

They're in it to become a star. They want to be the Bill O'Reilly. They want to be the Rachel Maddow. They want to be those people. So how do they become those people? By acting like those people on every fucking story that they get. You see this shit in sports. How many times in sports do you see somebody make a three yard fucking run

and the guy calling the play is trying to make it sound like he just won the Super Bowl. You know what I mean? Oh, he's about to break. Oh, he got tackled. You know, like, dude, it's the most annoying shit in the world. But all that is, is them trying to progress themselves. And by them trying to progress themselves, they're feeding us shit that hurts us.

It hurts our ability to relate to people. It makes us think poorly of people. It makes us think that issues that are minor issues are massive issues. Right? And dude, if you watch the news, black people and white people fucking hate each other. Right. All of them. All of them.

Yeah. Like all the black dudes in the warehouse, they fucking hate all the white dudes. That's why they're back there fighting right now. Right? Right. They're having a fucking race war in a fucking back room. If you watch the news, that's what would be on the news. Yeah.

You know, 17 white guys beat up four black guys right in a racial racially motivated snowball fight you know because we just had a snowball fight this morning but like dude that's the shit that that you know people the dumb people watch and then people put ads yeah you know and and more than that they'll even in this in the situation you described, they'll find the one representative of his or her race who's like the worst possible guy, and they'll pluck that guy. So they'll find the one, they'll say, one black man complained that the snow was white. You know? Yeah, no shit.

And they'll like zoom in on that guy. And then white people read that and they're like, man, stupid. You know what? God's fucking man, stupid. You know what? God's fucking racist, dude. You know why? Because he made Snow white. Yeah, right. Exactly.

No, it's just crazy. But you know what? That reminds me. I don't know if you'd be up for this someday, but news has been so biased for so long that people are so used to it. Someday we ought to have a show just about here's how to read the newspaper. No shit. Here's how to pick up on the bias.

No shit. Because there are certain words that are telltale indicators that this isn't a headline. Dude, people- This is a statement of opinion. People, exactly. By the way, the New York Times is one of the worst offenders of it. Vaughn, you're a fucking, you're a writer.

You studied this shit dude I truly truly believe that most people do not know how to watch the news and pick up the bias I feel like they they feel like I should be able to trust the news what they're saying is true and and that's why people who watch whatever station right regurgitate that shit you know over and over and that becomes their beliefs like they truly believe it's the truth right it is not the fucking truth and you have to be smart enough to be able to step above and and think on your own and to answer your question what's the difference i i really think besides all those

little things we just mentioned, the biggest thing is that once you grow up and you start thinking for yourself and you develop the ability to rise above and look down and decide what's what on your own, then you start to become very secure in your beliefs. That's the key. Okay. And so when you become secure in your beliefs, you don't feel the need to push them on other people because it's not about other people. It's about what you believe, right? It's about what your family represents. Okay.

How am I going to raise my kids? How am I going to run my company? How am I going to teach the people who follow me? What message do I represent? What core values do I stand for? And when you become solid there, you spend zero effort arguing with people that disagree and you don't mind what people disagree because you know what? I know what I am. I know what I represent. I know what I'm about. So I don't need outside

validation from Joe Blow on fucking Facebook. Absolutely. I mean, what would you do if some 18-year-old punk said to you, hey, Andy, you don't know anything about building a business? I would ignore it. You would ignore it? You might get mad in the sense of get irritated, but would you get offended? No. No, why would you not get offended? Because I know I know how to run a business.

Right, because you know it. It's like if somebody said to me- Dude, I get people to say that. I have people to say that shit. Like, I have people to say that shit on my Instagram literally every time I post. Oh, dude, you know what? You just got fucking lucky doing that. You're just another fucking snake oil salesman that got lucky.

Blah, blah, blah. Like, dude, I just fucking blocked the motherfuckers. Right. You know? And it's like if somebody were to sayuckers right you know and it's like if somebody were to say to me you know you suck I don't even respond

I just fucking block them right it's not and then like I block them and then usually what happens is I'll get dude it's funny

cause Emily hates this shit by the way don't do this what I'm about to say bless you well that was a big sneeze bless you what I'm about to say. Bless you. Well, that was a big sneeze.

Bless you. God bless you. Thank you. Thank you. I need it. So, but dude, they'll DM Emily and they'll say,

your husband blocked me. I was in a bad mood. I don't know what I was doing. Could you ask him to unblock me? You know what the answer is? No. No. Don't be an asshole. Right. You know what I was doing. Could you ask them to unblock me? You know what the answer is? No. No. Don't be an asshole.

Right. You know what I'm saying? Right. So, but I just feel like the more secure you are, the less you feel the need to defend yourself. Absolutely. You know? Absolutely.

I can say with a clear conscience, and I'm not, you know, we've talked about this. But don't you think that comes with learning to think for yourself? I think it comes with learning to think for yourself? I think it comes with learning to think for yourself. But I also think it comes with just taking the time to evaluate your own opinions and your own beliefs. It's not just thinking for yourself, but it's actually giving some time to studying what you say you believe. For instance, I know, I get it.

I know that there are very, very, very smart people out there who literally do not believe that there is a God. But I've studied it enough. I've studied the arguments for and against that if somebody were to come up to me and go, dude, you're an idiot. God doesn't exist. I wouldn't be offended. I'm not offended by that. That's probably an argument that you hear. Right. I hear that all the time. And I'm not offended by that because I'm secure in my own beliefs because I've taken time to study it. I've taken time to evaluate. I'm not in a million years saying that I am infallible and that I couldn't possibly in any way, shape, or form be wrong. But I've studied enough that I'm not offended if somebody says that. I'm not offended if somebody says any number of things against my religion because it's okay.

It doesn't mean that, first of all, I think people have lost the fine art of somebody attacking their views without them thinking they're attacking them. That's because of the internet. Yeah. Dude, people have lost the fine art of how to fucking argue. Absolutely. Like, dude, how many times have you and I argued? A lot. You and I have argued a lot.

Yeah. People don't ever really hear it, but like, dude, we'll be talking about something and we'll get in an argument. Yeah. But have I ever said, hey, Vaughn, you're a piece of shit? You know? That's where people take it from, like, an argument online that then it becomes, it automatically goes from, I disagree with you, to you're a fucking piece of shit. Right.

Fuck you. Right. You know? It's like, dude, if that's the best way that you know how to argue you're gonna have to learn how to argue really well in life because guess what life is it's a long series of fucking arguments it's it's tension it's conflict and that's how you grow and uh yeah so basically what we're saying so far i guess is that if you want to be able to have these and i agree with you by the way yeah yeah like i think we're saying sort of the same thing no no i 100

i just wanted to take a second, because we've covered a lot of things, and I'm just going to say, for those of you who are following us, because I'm sure you are, but when two geniuses get on, sometimes it's hard to follow. That's true.

Well, at least when there's one genius. Yeah, exactly. One genius and one would-be. Which one's which? I think what we're saying here is that if you want to have the kind of relationships where you can disagree, but still really connect as friends, one, you've got to be secure in your beliefs, which is what Andy was talking about. And the second thing is, I think, kind of reading between the lines of what you said is you've got to learn how to attack the problem or attack the claim, not the person.

Don't make it personal. Just say, hey, we're just arguing about some sort of issue. I have good friends, like really good friends, that I know I could call in a pinch that completely disagree with everything I fucking think. Like about my political views. They're on

complete opposite end. But if I call them today, they would fucking show up. Absolutely. You know what I mean? We've lost that. We have's it's crazy but um i i just it is sad but i do think it i do i do think at the end of the day the reason that most people are offended is not because somebody said something that is objectively offensive it's because they themselves are insecure absolutely and they are thin-skinned and And they take everything personally. Right.

And they, you know. And dude, you want to flip it around on someone? Like when they get all offended and they fucking get pissed off? Because this is what people do, right? Like what I just said. You say something. Or you type something. Or you post something.

They disagree. And then they say, Vaughn, you're a fucking retard. Right. Right. Right. And you just say back. You want to flip it on someone? You should say something like this.

Hey, uh, I don't know what I did to, to, to take it to that level. I respect that you disagree, but you know, they don't know what to do.

No need to get like that. And you know what they'll do every time. You're right, bro. I'm sorry. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, but, but at first it'll kind of stun them. Yeah. Cause they're being a bigger person. Yeah, absolutely. Now look, I'm the first guy that wants to say fuck you brother right like you know but the truth is is like i i don't really have the time or energy to deal with it so i just block them but a lot of you guys like to argue with people so if you want to fuck with them just

sort of agree with them be like yeah you know what sometimes i am retarded but i don't think we need to take it there right now and they they're like, uh. Right. But it is amazing though, that people have really lost the art of determining the difference between a statement that's an objectively critical statement of a particular position or belief and something that's an insult or something that's truly offensive. So for instance, you know, back in the day, if somebody said some sort of racial slur, they said, oh, you're just a stupid whatever. Yeah. Well, that is offensive, okay?

But we've gotten to the point where if somebody says, you know what, in evaluating the antidotes for institutional racism in our country, I actually don't feel like affirmative action scholarships are really effective in helping that so that's just that's just you're just making a statement about something you believe you're racist but you're racist right and they don't they don't see the difference between stating an opinion on policy when i'm actually making an insult yeah but when a real answer to that would be like you know what i don't necessarily with that, but there's probably some areas that we can improve on it.

Right. So what are those areas? You see what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, where's that conversation? Yeah, yeah. Like, where's that? Yeah.

Well, that would require, once again, a certain level of brain power and thinking. Right. You know what, though, dude? I will say this. Not just saying, hey, Vaughn, you're fucking honky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're fucking racist honky. Right. You know, we've, dude? Not just saying, hey, Vaughn, you're fucking honky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're fucking racist honky. Right.

You know, we've been kind of tough on the left. And by the way, that goes both ways. Yeah, I was just about to say, we've been kind of tough on the left. The one thing that I get really, really frustrated is that- Because there's some fucking dumb motherfucking conservatives out there, too. Absolutely. It's like I was talking- And there is some fucking-

As much as there is far left ridiculous fucking dumb fucks, there is the same amount of far right ridiculous dumb fucks. Absolutely. Dudes who do nothing but fucking stir the pot. You know, they're doing everything they can to be offensive without actually saying offensive racial words. Right. You know what I'm saying? Or like divisive homophobic words.

It's like they say it without saying it. Just so you know what I'm saying or like divisive homophobic words it's like they say it without saying it just so you know guys listening we don't like that shit either no absolutely that shit's a fucking just as bad like the way you guys see it uh like on the left is the same way that us in the middle you know right hand right see it too yeah I absolutely I I should honestly dude we should figure out a way to cut off like the the the far left five percent and the far right five percent and like send those motherfuckers to different islands and the rest of us could just be happy absolutely i agree you know it's um to kind of illustrate that here's a perfect example while it is true that people take the

whole there you know there's a racist under every rock thing the flip side of that is that you know if you study our nation's history like in 1921 50,000 Klansmen uh congregated at in Washington DC and held a rally in like as late as the 40s and 50s one in four of of the people the state of Indiana I'm not picking on Indiana because hey I'm from Kansas so we had some of our same issues but one in four were members of the people of the state of Indiana, I'm not picking on Indiana because, hey, I'm from Kansas, so we had some of our same issues, but one in four were members of the KKK. Holy shit. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. Really?

Yeah. One in four of adult white males was a member of the KKK. Wow. And there's just been some, like, if you get into the, I read the autobiography of Martin Luther King. I mean, in the 50s and 60s, there were literally white people blowing up black churches and killing black kids. And so when I hear somebody say today, dude, that was like 50 years ago, or just get over it. That wasn't that long ago.

That wasn't that long ago. And I do believe that this is the greatest country the world has ever seen. That said, it doesn't mean we're perfect. That's right. It doesn't mean we can't learn from our mistakes. Right. And just to sort of casually dismiss our history, well, that happened like 50 years ago. To me, that's the opposite extreme.

That's like so downplaying the fact that we do have a history of this. Now, I'm not standing up for those people who say that because I don't like that either. But in the cases when those kind of things are said, I feel like they're usually provoked by comments of saying, well, you guys got to pay reparations. Right. You guys got to pay this extreme,

you've got to pay money for shit that happened that you didn't do. Exactly. No, I totally agree with you. So it's like these two extreme arguments of stupidity, to be completely honest. Absolutely. And the rest of us are caught in the crossfire,

which is why what we're saying here, guys— That's the worst thing about the internet. Right. It gives everybody a voice. Yeah, absolutely. And not everybody deserves to have a voice. And I think the answer is have a firm position, be proud of your position, but be reasonable. Like don't, don't, don't refuse to hear any of the claims of the other side. That's to me, that's the problem

is that we're so caught in the crossfire between extremes that, that when somebody says, Hey, listen, you're right. Not everything's racist, but we do need to recognize that there are some, there are some historical racial undertones and just have a reasonable conversation. The problem is we can't because the extremes are so loud. Dude, it's because everybody's a liar. Everybody's lying. Everybody's lying.

Everybody's lying about the issues, okay? Like, dude, I'm talking about racism. Like, generations that are still alive today that are 60 plus years old, I'm talking about racism. Generations that are still alive today that are 60 plus years old, they grew up using the term nigger as if it was the term dude. Right. You know what I'm saying?

It was a common term. Right. And if you don't think that every single fucking white person, every single one, has family members in their family that use the term nigger, they're a fucking liar.

That's the truth. It's way fucking, it's way more than what fucking white people want to fucking say it is. Absolutely. But you know what is also the truth? Is if you're fucking black and your family doesn't sit there

and talk about the fucking white man and you act like that shit don't happen,'re fucking liar too everybody has their issues that's right no question absolutely so and until those conversations at home are fucking not tolerated right you know what i'm saying like where you hear your crazy uncle fucking saying that you say hey don't fucking say that right that's That's not okay. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. Or whatever. And that goes for both sides until the fucking conversation is handled on the

home front and ain't going to fucking change. Yep. A hundred percent. Because that shit is taught. You know what I'm saying? Like your kids hear it, your kids hear your crazy uncle, hear that shit.

And then they're like, what's that mean? And that's where it fucking starts. Yeah. And until those conversations are controlled at home and you, and I'm talking to all of you, stop tolerating that kind of shit, it ain't going to change.

Because here's what's happening right now. You have motherfuckers who tolerate that shit at home and then come out in public and act like they don't tolerate it. And then they're like, well, I don't know where this comes from. Everybody's a liar. They're all. Right. And then they're like, well, I don't know where this comes from. Like, everybody's a liar. They're all fucking lying.

And there are some excuses, but almost to a person. If some kid is saying it, it's probably because they heard it at home. It's probably because they heard it from their dad. No shit. Or mom. Yeah, yeah. 100%. So, okay. So, in order to have these great relationships where we can disagree but not despise each

other, you got to be secure in your own beliefs and you got to learn to attack the problem, not the person and don't take it personal. But I'm curious and I think there's an element of sales in this. So I'm excited to hear what you have to say. But let me ask you, Andy, if you are going to influence somebody, if you are going to persuade them to your point, how do you go about doing it instead of just yelling at people? I think that I can only speak for me, obviously. For me, when I was younger younger and when I say younger, I mean like under the age of 30,

um, I used to look at conversations as something to be one. Okay. Uh, like to dominate the conversation. You know what I mean? I'm right. And here's why.

And here's this, this, this, this this this um and until i completely destroyed the other person or we got in a fucking fight you know what i mean uh that's not productive what that does is even when you win the other person ends up hating you okay so uh when you're in business, which a lot of you guys are, that's why you listen to this. That's not a productive way to do business is to have a argument where the person walks away hating you. Right. Um, so I

realized that, and I realized that it probably would affect my money. Um, and that's what made me start to like evaluate how I was conversing I changed I started to realize that and coincidentally when I started to realize that I started to make a lot more money and a lot of people when you of all, you got to know when it's appropriate, right? Like it's not appropriate unless you're making your living in politics or religion or whatever it is, these controversial subjects. It's not appropriate for you to go blast this shit out everywhere on your social. And here's why. Because 50% of the people are going to disagree with you a lot. Okay. And because of the nature of our culture right now, when people tend to disagree, they tend to not like you either. So they're not tolerant of that. So what's happening to you and what you may not realize

by you posting all the shit saying all this shit being loud about all this shit is that it's costing you a lot of fucking money that you don't realize a lot of like what if you're posting shit on your social that your boss three levels up doesn't fucking agree with and completely despises you right that's gonna fuck you okay and you could say that's right or wrong and you can argue about it and you can say this or that, but it is what it is. He might not ever tell you, they might not ever say anything. It might not, but,

but you're probably not going to progress very well in that company. All right. So learning how to be tolerant of other people's, uh, views. First off, you have to learn when it's appropriate to have the discussion. Second of all,

I think that, um, the changing your mindset from, I'm trying to win this conversation, which dude, I'm not the only one that used to be like that. I mean, if you go online, that's pretty much the culture. Everybody's trying to win the conversation versus trying to win the person. You know what I'm saying? Uh, I think a lot of people spend too much time trying to win the person. You know what I'm saying? I think a lot of people spend too much time trying to win the conversation when really you could win over the person. And if you win over the person, it'll make you more money. It's going to make your relationship better.

It's going to make your friendship stronger. It's going to make your network bigger. And I think that is something that uh people lose sight of so i think you're i think the illustration that you use for the ford and chevy is a perfect example between between uh of the difference between um winning an argument and winning a person you know where you you talk about like yeah there's a certain tact right yeah like like uh like like and for people that don't know what he's talking about i'm talking like, I use this example in sales training all the time. Because this is how sales people typically are in the beginning. They try to win.

Like, I'm trying to get you to buy this. I'm trying to win. I'm going to beat your arguments. That's right. And get, yeah. When reality, the first step to actually having a productive sales call or a productive conversation where you're going to win someone over is to side with them. OK, so the example that you're talking about is the guy who's driven a Chevy truck his whole entire life. OK, and his last Chevy truck has broke down seven times. He's fed up with it. He's still like Chevy, still loyal Chevy, but he's at a point where he wants to look at a,

at a Ford. All right. So the guy drives his Chevy truck up on the Ford dealership. He gets out of the, of the Chevy truck. The Ford salesman comes over and looks at him and says, dude, why are you driving a fucking Chevy? You need to be driving a Ford. What did that salesman just do? He said, you're a fucking idiot. He insulted him. Right.

Right. And because that person has made a conscious decision to feel that way about Chevy for a long time. And even though he's upset with Chevy right now, you just ruin the only opportunity to actually have a productive interaction that would probably end with a sale at this time. Instead, what would happen if the same scenario happened? The Chevy driver drove his truck up on a lot.

He's in the mood to at least look at a Ford and the Ford guy drive guy drive walks up and says hey man that's a beautiful truck you got that's a beautiful truck you know what i drove chevy for a long time i really liked him a lot and then you have a conversation right you know blah blah blah blah hey what brings you in today now how now how's it go very well very different because you honored the person. You honored the person's beliefs. You honored their choices. That's right. Yes.

Doesn't mean you agreed. No, you respect them. It meant that you honored and respected them. That's right. I mean, there's so many connections between sales and personal influence, right? And making an impact on people's lives. It's good stuff. But, dude, think about that, though. Like, think about somebody who you're arguing with and, like, somebody who's got the complete other side of the argument that you do.

They believe in the opposite of what – how different would the conversation go if you said, hey, instead of saying, dude, you're a fucking idiot, instead of saying, you know, instead of saying, you know what, fuck Trump. He's a piece of shit. Right. What if you said, hey, you know what? There's some things about Trump I really like. You know, he seems like a funny guy. He's got a good sense of humor. You know, you know what I'm saying? Absolutely.

You got to find the common ground. Dude, I had to learn that because after a year of Obama, I said to myself, I'm either going to be the most offensive, irritating person about this president, or I've got to just decide, listen, I don't have anything personally against the guy. I just disagree with some of his policies. So I had to learn how to say, listen, I don't hate him. He's a good dude. I actually started

to look forward to his jokes. Because the guy made funny jokes. Obama was actually pretty good, too, on a lot of the videos that he made. He was pretty good at poking fun at himself. Oh, dude. Look, he's actually pretty good, too, on a lot of the videos that he made. He's pretty good at poking fun at himself. Oh, dude. Look, he's got a good sense of humor. He seems like a cool-ass dude.

I would love to have a fucking beer with him, for real. And I don't agree with any of his politics. You know what I'm saying? I believe almost nothing, yeah. But the dude seems... I'll tell you this, yeah. But the dude seemed, and I'll tell you this too. I don't know, outside of maybe a few, maybe five other people that ever lived, he's probably one of the greatest speakers in history. He's a very good orator, for sure.

Yeah, for sure. Dude, his words just come through, and his voice, it's like fucking butter, dude. His Q&A, not so much, but his speeches are really good. Okay, guys, so how you connect, how you disagree without despising one another. Once again, get secure in your beliefs. Learn to attack the problem, not the person. Don't take it personally. I guess you would phrase it, don't try to win an argument.

Try to win over the person. Yeah. Right? Stop trying to look at conversation as something to win and start looking at it as something to learn from. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because ignorant people try to win conversations.

Smart people try to see what they can learn. Absolutely. You know? For sure. For sure. I actually have a pretty cool story. Can we close on a story? Yeah.

So this buddy of mine from around here, his name is Don. This is not the Don that you're thinking of who was my client. This is another Don. He told me this story. Is he one of your male prostitution clients? No, that's another Don. There you go. See, now he's finally getting the jokes. Right. Yeah. there you go see now he's finally getting the jokes right yeah so um so no he told me this story about how you know when he was growing up in in high school he got into some really bad stuff and he was in a bad crowd now not the kind of bad crowd that you know we might say like like bad stuff like like put the lotion in the basket stuff i don't know what that means but but he

wasn't like he wasn't like come, that's Silence of the Lambs. Oh, yeah, it's been a while since I've seen that. Oh, my God, come on. Hello, Clarice. Everybody knows Put the Lotion in the Basket. Like, that's like the ultimate crazy shit. Oh, that is? Is that like with cannibalism and stuff?

Yeah, don't you remember the part where the girl was in the hole? It's been a long time. Oh, come on. Everybody make fun of Vaughn for not knowing Silence of the Lambs. But, in any case, so he was telling this story. They put lotion in the basket. Dude, I got to explain it. All right, you explain it, and then I'll tell something about another movie, and then I'll

get back to my story. The kidnapped girl. Have you seen that movie? Yeah, but it's been a long time. The girl is in a hole in the well, and he's trying to get her to put lotion on so her skin will be soft and he could cut it off and wear it as a suit oh yuck remember yeah yeah i do remember that i know i know that a lot of his statements are like you know double entendre plays on words like so nice of you to

come over for dinner and stuff like that you know oh you're talking about hannibal lecter yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah but this is this is uh buffalo bill okay oh i got you well okay so before i go back to the guy that hannibal tried to catch you gotta watch Oh, I got you. Well, okay, so before I go back to my- This is the guy that Hannibal tried to catch. You got to watch it again. I got you. I will, but before I go back to my story, which is a good one, by the way, but before I go back to it, I was just thinking, I've got the perfect line for Sal if anything ever happens to you, and he has to kind of take up the mantle.

Yeah. I think he should stand in front of everybody and be like, you have bled with Andy. Now bleed with me. Oh, dude, Braveheart. That would be awesome. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, on that note, back to my story.

That's Robert the Bruce. Yeah, Robert the Bruce. Which apparently there's a new movie out, Robert the Bruce. No way. Yeah. Is it with him? It's on Netflix. Is it the same guy?

No, it's Chris Pine. He's playing Robert the Bruce. Chris Pine, he's like Robert the Bruce. Chris Pine? He's like a younger actor. He was like the new Captain Kirk and some of the new... I don't know none of those guys. Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't...

I don't know any of the actors. It's amazing to me. I don't know half the people's names. The only actors I know is ones I'd probably go on a date with. Yeah. Like Barack fucking Thor, whatever that... What's his name? Right.

Yeah, yeah. Chris Hemsworth? Yeah. Yeah, no, I agree. I'm not gay, but I'm just saying. No, we had a discussion. I'd go on a man date with those guys. Absolutely. Yeah. yeah. Chris Hemsworth. Yeah. Yeah, no, I agree. I'm not gay, but I'm just saying. No, we had a discussion. I'd go on a man date with those guys. Absolutely.

Yeah. Absolutely. Okay, so back to my story. So Don, my friend Don, he grew up in St. Louis. He was into some bad stuff in high school, really bad stuff. Not like boys will be boys type stuff, but he was taking some pretty hardcore drugs. What's hardcore to you? Like oregano?

No, I think he was like meth and stuff. Oh, really? Yeah. He was doing, yeah. And then he was, I think he was stealing stuff. Anyway. He was doing lines of coke off other youth farmers. His mom, listen, this is a good story.

This is a good story. So his mom actually forces him to go to this youth camp. And the youth speaker was actually his youth pastor at the camp. So he had kind of a previous relationship. How old was this guy? Oh, he's my age. But he went to a youth camp at your age? No, no, no.

He went to a youth camp when he was in high school. So he was into this shit when he was in high school? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, he was off on a wrong foot, right? Okay, so he goes to this youth camp, and the speaker is his youth pastor, okay? And at one point throughout the week, he and a couple of his buddies go into the bathroom and I think they were

going to smoke or something or do whatever. And they just start ripping on the youth pastor. Okay. Which is his youth past. Like they're saying all sorts of really, really mean stuff. I bet he's in the shitter. Toilet flushes.

He comes out. Don's like, Oh crap. Yeah. And here's the thing. He was like bracing for it because he knew he was a jerk and he was kind of bracing for getting a tongue lashing and what he was surprised about when when when keith came out um is that keith had this like really pained expression on his face like almost like he was gonna cry and don told me he's like i looked at him and he's

like dang and all of a sudden he was like, man, I think I hurt his feelings. So he started apologizing to Keith. He said, he said, Hey man, I'm really sorry. You know, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. You weren't that bad of a speaker. And I took some of the, you know, some of the things you say. So Keith says in this just really like somber, serious way, he's like, Don, I'm, I'm, my, my feelings are not hurt. He he said you are into some bad stuff

and i'm concerned about you man i love you and uh and he just said and i just you know i just hope you get your life turned around and he said you know when you when you want to turn turn your life around i'll be there i'll be there to help you and so don said that made a huge fucking wake up call me yeah so don said it made a huge impact on him at the moment but he still but he still uh proceeded down that path so about five years later his life has just like fallen apart he's bought a gun he put he had it in his mouth he said he was about to pull the trigger. He closed his eyes, and he pictured Keith's face. And he said, the thing that struck me is that Keith's face wasn't angry. It wasn't like going to ball him out for disagreeing with him or ripping on him. He said, I just saw his face in my mind.

And he said, I thought, that dude's concerned about me. He loves me. He cares about me. So he said, I uncocked the pistol. I put it down. I tried to find his number. Within five minutes, I found his number. I called him. And fast forward, he's a family man. He's an upstanding guy. Oh, and by the way, he runs a youth camp. That's what he does for a living. And the reason that I say that is because I think our tendency when we disagree with people or when they offend us or they say,

is we just want to yell at them. And we want to put them in their place. And like you said, we just want to win the argument. And that story has always really struck me because Keith didn't think about winning the argument. He just thought about communicating, hey, I care about you. I love you. I'm here to support you. I'm not going to argue with you over what I believe or what you believe. I'm just here if you need me. And it had a radical transformation on him. And I think at the end of the day, for those of us who really do not care how different somebody else lives or believes or whatever they do, it doesn't mean that we agree or disagree. But at the end of the day, the people who are able to get along with one another are people who just fundamentally have a concern and a decent desire to support someone, whether we agree with them or not.

And if more of us would do that, I think we could go a long way into transforming this culture. And I think another point in that story, that's a great story, by the way. I think another point in that story, and this is one of the points of the book in The Four Agreements, which is a great book if you haven't read. I've heard that's a good book. Yeah, it's really good. But it's never to take things personal. And this goes back to the point we talked about being secure in your beliefs, right? When you're secure in your beliefs and you've done the homework, you've done the research

and you truly believe what you believe, it helps when things like that happen to not take them personal and not get defensive and not get angry. And understand that even though those guys were talking about the Keith guy, and they were saying those negative, even though you might be the person in the stall that the other people are talking about, that conversation really has little to do with you. Right. It's more about them. That's right. It's more about their problem. And when you truly start to understand that, I think that's where you start to rise above

the bottom 1% or 2% of crossfire that we're seeing in society. And I like this conversation we've had because I did feel kind of bad about last week's podcast, even though it was extremely popular. People went crazy. They loved it. They did. And I get that. Yeah. extremely popular people went crazy they loved it and i get that like because dude i'm expressing

the frustrations that a lot of people have and i've got that from every culture every gender all 17 of them or whatever the fuck is out there like um 27 yeah whatever man uh but the point is is like i i didn't i don't ever feel good about pointing out a problem without offering a solution yeah you know what i mean and and you shouldn't either by the way uh not you vaughn but no i got you the listeners um you know when when there's a problem you're not doing the world they're not doing the world of service by just complaining about it. And I felt bad about that after last week's podcast. So I feel good about what we're talking about here because I do believe that the way to really change all those things we talked about last Sunday control of our own beliefs to become secure in our own beliefs and to rise above the personal attacks and and and start to squash that shit be better than it you know what i mean

at the end of the day we are in the united states and i know we have international listeners all over the world which i appreciate you guys i don't know a lot about your country because I live fucking here. Right. Okay. And so I'm sure your country might have similar issues, but at the end of the day, we're in control of how we behave. We're in control of how we treat others. We're in control of the things we say and the things we do and how we interpret the things that we think. All right. Because not everything you think is going to be right. Okay. So becoming aware enough to examine these things and to get aligned with what it is you truly believe, not what you're thinking at the moment, gives you the ability to not take things so personal, to not hate president Trump or not hate Obama or not hate white people or black people or, you know,

gay people or this or that. And the truth is we need that. We need less fucking hate, but I'm going to tell you this posting a positive fucking meme saying oh love that's not how you fix it you fix it like i said you know like i said by not tolerating the bullshit in your family right okay and holding your family's conversation to a higher standard not allowing things in private to happen that you would you you would not allow in public to happen you see what i'm saying absolutely it's about dude it's about all of you who are listening right now to quit fucking lying and quit letting things slide over here because it's your aunt mildred from and she's old and you know what dude you either stand for fucking shit or you don't and that's that and if you don't

stand for it in your family dude i'm gonna tell you right now stand for it yeah i shit or you don't. And that's that. And if you don't stand for it in your family. Dude, I'm going to tell you right now. Then you don't stand for it. Yeah. I don't tolerate that shit at home. I don't have people in my family that say that shit to me. You know why? Because the last time they said that shit to me, I fucking gave them an earful. You know what I mean?

You're either about it or you're fucking not about it. And that's that. It's right or wrong. It's real simple. But the way things change and the way that we get around all the problems that we talked about last week is by starting with ourselves. And starting with ourselves, not about tolerating, but learning how to communicate in a way that doesn't cause more division. Right? And that takes fucking a lot of things.

It takes intelligence. It takes commitment. vision right and that takes fucking a lot of things it takes intelligence it takes uh commitment it takes tolerance it takes patience and honestly humility humility um it takes you studying okay it takes empathy and all of those things together putting those things together in a situation to create a better outcome to me is honorable. Absolutely. You know what I mean? And that's what, that's what life's about, dude. It's about holding yourself to a standard that you would like to see society have, because you never know who's watching or who's learning or who's emulating what it is that you stand for. So be that at work, be that on social media, be that at home and things will start to

change around you and your immediate world will change quickly. Not 30 years from now, not because I think that's a big problem for people, right? Like a big problem for people are like, dude, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what I do. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's so not true. Right. It's not true. But people think that. They think, you know what? I'm just going to do this because it doesn't fucking matter. The world's shit. The world's this. The world's that. I give up. And that's not the truth. The truth is that what you do matters a lot. You just might not see it right away. It's a fact of human existence

that one person can royally screw up a country, but also one person can start the movement that transforms it for the better. It sounds cheesy and it sounds like the motivational memes we're talking about, but it really is true. That is how effective one human life can be. The truth is, Vaughn, is not everybody listening has the tools to change the world. Not everybody listening can speak into a microphone and move millions of people. Not everybody can think in a way that would change the world.

But everybody listening right now has the ability to change what's going on in their home, to change what's going on in their friend circle, to be a leader in that group. And that will drastically improve the quality of your life a hell of a lot more than posting some bullshit, regurgitated meme that we see on every wannabe fucking Oprah's fucking Instagram account.

Absolutely. You know what I'm saying? Yep. And that's real change. Absolutely. Good stuff, man. Yeah, dude. I like these Sunday sermons, man.

It's a little bit different. This was a good sequel to last week. Well, I don't see any reason why we can't keep building off of it. Just solve the world's problems, right? Hey, yeah. So, guys, that's the show for today. I appreciate you guys listening. Vaughn appreciates you guys.

Tyler appreciates you guys, even though he's in New York doing some weird shit probably for his birthday. But we love you guys. Thank you guys for all the support. Pay the fee. You know what the fee is. The fee is tell a friend if you enjoyed the podcast. All right, guys. Love you all.

Black, white, gay, purple, fucking 27 genders. We're all homies. All right. Talk to you guys later.