REAL AF with Andy Frisella - SUNDAY SERMON: How to Profit From Your Past, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO261

Episode Date: September 2, 2018

It seems like everyday I get somebody emailing me or messaging me complaining or beating themselves up about something they said or did in the past. Part of me gets that, but most of me doesn't. Complaining about the past is illogical. Beating yourself up about your past is pointless. Instead, you should be using your past to benefit your present & your future. How do the happiest, most satisfied people do that? That’s what we talk about in today’s Sunday Sermon.

If you want to make your dream become reality, the people that are running after that dream know they're going to have hard times. They keep on running because they're saying within themselves, I'm the one, I'm the one. No matter how bad it is or how bad it gets, I'm going to make it. What is up guys? You're listening to the MFCEO Project. I'm Andy. I'm your host.

And this is Sunday Sermon. I'm here with the pastor of disaster, DJ DJ God. Can I get a witness? Can you get a witness? What is that? Where'd you pull that from? That's something that they say in predominantly African American churches. Really? Yeah. Did you ever go to one of those churches i i love them my dad used to my dad fun yeah my dad used to play some concerts

you know like he played the big organ and uh if i actually went to a church i go to a one of the black yeah they're awesome yeah fuck dude you i mean like they're not like yeah i was gonna say they're not boring right they they know how to do Right. They know how to do it. Yep. They know how to do it. So good job, black people in your churches. We love it. I'm not kidding either. No, I'm not kidding either. I just love it.

All right. So today is a Sunday sermon. And right now, guys, I'm going to get right into it because I just want to move and not take up too much of your Sunday. What we're going to talk about today is your past, all right? And we're going to get into it a little bit because a lot of people email me and they have a lot of guilt and a lot of anger and a lot of frustration and quite frankly, a lot of excuses about why they aren't where they want to be. And it always comes down to what's happened to them

in the past. You know, they say things like, you know, Andy, I live in a small town where everybody knows everybody here. And to be honest, most of my life, I've kind of been a shit ball. So the last couple of years I tried to be a good person and do right by people, but it's hard because people know my past and then they give up on like trying to be a good person and just kind of accept being a shit ball and uh so i want to clarify actually vaughn and i both want to clarify some things um regarding that kind of how to regard your past you know how to use it because i do think there's a difference between the way that uh average people think of their past and we'll say actually use their past in a way that successful people, people that end up becoming happier and more fulfilled in life, the way that they use

their past. Because I think there's a way to leverage it and there's a way to misuse it. Well, it's like anything, man. Your past is there to serve you. You're not a slave to your past. It doesn't own you. It doesn't direct you. It doesn't tell you what to do or what you're going to be. Your past and your past experiences and all the things you've gone through, all the struggles, all the negativities, all the lessons that you've learned are there to serve you so that you can move in the direction that you want to go. Your past actually has some of maybe the most important purpose out of any of the things that are going on in your life right now, because those are where, you know, all your lessons, all your knowledge, all the things

that you would use to get where you want to go come from. But the problem is- It's the raw material for your future. Exactly. And it's like the soil, right? But the problem is, is that people chain themselves to who they were last year or two years ago or 10 years ago, or when they were in high school, they identify with that and they feel like, oh, I can't break out of that. And because of that, they stay the same. mobile and it failed miserably and like he's never forgiven himself for that and so it's it's not just people being chained to their sort of moral failures but it's just chained to your past in general even if it's like failures in business right you know anything it's their it's their past

identity right so so what dude if you were made fun of in high school and like call fat and loser and this and that dude you'll find those people at 35 years old 40 years old and they're like fuck i'm a fat loser. Right. You know, and if you look at them, they are that. But not because other people were right, because they accepted that other people were right. Right, right. So for the average person looking back at the things that they've done and experienced in their past, what would you say their past is not meant to do? How should they not use it?

Well, the first thing is, is like, dude, you got to cut yourself a little slack. All right. We all grow. We all change. We all become new people really every fucking six months. Like, let's be, let's be. Yeah, that's a good point. Like cyclical. Right.

Yeah. So like you have to cut yourself some some slack man and not carry around that guilt you know if you've done some really bad shit maybe you should go apologize for that shit and make amends for those things right because then you can like let it go like that's something for me like dude like I I've always like things I've done wrong no matter if it's five ten you know however many I'll tell you a story about this. So I had a guy in, in, in Springfield, uh, when I was, when we have one store and he, uh, designed us a logo. His name was Stu wand. Okay. And he's still, he's a jeweler in Springfield, Missouri still to this

day. Uh, really nice guy. Okay. And, and dude, I couldn't design our logo on a computer. Right. So this is for our retail store. So I asked him to design a logo and I drew the logo like in my own handwriting. I said, I want like a circle. This is for supplement super stores. I want a circle with like an S and then like a squared on the, on the S and I showed him. So he went and he made the logo and, uh, you know, the proper files that we would need for digital, right? Like my t-shirts and shaker bottles, whatever else we needed, business cards. Um, he, he gave me the bill and it was $900. And I was like, what the fuck, dude? I'm like, all, all I asked you to do was make this fucking circle with a fucking S in it. How is this $900? He's like, and he was a graphic

designer at the time. Um, and he was like, well, dude, that's a, that's logo creation. I'm actually giving you like a deal. You got to remember like, this is going to be, you know, your logo. People are going to recognize this. You're going to have it on, you know, and you're going to have it on all these stores and this, you know, and I'm like, fuck dude, we got one fucking store. We're not going to have fucking all these stores. Like I didn't even believe we were going to have stores at that time. And, uh, and he was like, well, you know, dude, that's what it costs. And dude, I didn't have $900. You know what I'm saying? Right. So I fucking said, I will do, I'm not fucking paying it. I'll pay you a you a hundred bucks right so I gave him a hundred bucks so like 10 years go by right 10 years go by and we're made we have fucking

20 however many stores at that time this was a few years ago and he was I remember thinking about that like it always bothered me right like I always felt like dude that guy was right and I fucking you know didn't do the right thing. So I tracked him down on Facebook and I wrote him a message to say, Hey bro, um, what's your address? And I got his address and I sent him the 800 bucks that the other, and this is like 10 years later. That's awesome. Yeah. But like the point is, is that you're going to do things you're not proud of. And if what can generally help you is to make that shit right, no matter how long it's been, you know, and sometimes you'll find that the people don't even remember what the fuck you're

even talking about. Yeah. But it's a good way to keep you from feeling bad about the way you were in the past or the past failures you've had, which is basically the main thing that you have to start understanding is like, you've got to cut yourself some slack and not hold that heavy burden of the failures that you've had either in business or as a person in the past. That's not what it's there to do. Dude, that honestly, that's awesome. What you're talking about, I think is the difference between regret and restitution, making restitution. And there's a whole theory that says that

our prison systems are way too crowded because we have the wrong people in prison. Instead of just having violent offenders in prison, we have all sorts of people that we're putting in prison, hoping that they're going to regret their actions when in reality we should have a whole system that says, okay, if you go in and you vandalize some property, you should be required to do restitution. Meaning you should be required to make up for it somehow or somehow contribute back into society. And go to jail. And go to jail? Yeah. Like you should have to go fix.

Dude, I've had my businesses vandalized. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had bad shit happen to me. Like those motherf, you should have to go fix... Dude, I've had my businesses vandalized. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had bad shit happen to me. Like, those motherfuckers should come clean it up. They should force them to clean it. Yeah. Force them to fucking pay for it. Force them to make it like it was.

And then go serve some time and think about it. Good thoughts. Good thoughts. So, definitely the emphasis is on, we've already got them having the regret part. We need to have the restitution part. For sure. And doing that. But, no, but your point is great, which is that at the end of the day how you feel whether you feel like you failed or you

screwed up it doesn't matter you gotta let yes and you've got to let yourself off the hook dude yeah let yourself off you know like you said doing something restitution helps that yeah it does even if it's if it's not required yeah you know and let's, man, who the fuck on planet earth hasn't failed or fucked up or, or done something they're not proud of. Yeah. Nobody, nobody. It's universal to humanity. We all do that. It's part of being human, you know, and these people, you know, they're literally making themselves feel bad. And, and, and this is, this is totally human. It's not, it's not abnormal. It's what we all deal with. Okay. And every single person, you know, it's just like saying, you know, I got a sore throat one time and you know what? I'm a fucking, I'm fucking bad for having a sore throat. That makes no logical sense,

right? Right. Why? Because everybody at some point gets a sore throat and everybody fucks up. So you have to be able to let yourself off the hook, you know? And people try to cover this shit. They try to say shit like, oh, I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks. And I don't fucking care what people think. And this and that.

Motherfucker, we all care. We all care. And dude, the reason, you know, the reason I think people get into such a bad spot is because they start saying shit like, I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks, blah, blah, blah. And then they start acting like it because that's what they identify with. And guess what? Your life's going to go pretty shitty if that's really the way you think. A hundred percent. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Absolutely. The other thing is,

you know, not only is it universal, it's just kind of irrational to beat yourself up because it's like, what's the point know i know we do a lot of irrational shit though yeah you know i'm saying but i agree it is irrational if you break it down logically but what we're talking about here is dealing with emotions yeah and emotions and logic don't really go together too well sometimes it's important to speak truth into your emotions and just say listen i cannot go back in time and change everything that's right i can't right so what's the point of beating yourself up you're're just better to beat your way to making things right. Take responsibility for what you did. Try to make them right. And if you can't make it right and somebody won't accept

your apology and you made a genuine effort, guess what? You did what you can do. Right. And you got to let yourself go. Exactly. You know, so your passion not be used to make you feel bad about your failures. Yeah, for sure. Point number one. For sure. And I think, you know. Well, and I guess along with that would be it shouldn't be used to make you feel guilty about the things you did wrong. Yeah. Right. And that's it. Like you. They go together. Right. Like you have to understand, you know, I mean, I just talked about my mistakes and my failures that I made. And that thing I just told you, that story, I'm not proud of that. But that's something that I can make right and do what I have to do to move on. Right. You know, and I learned from it.

And that's all we could do, man. Right. So I know you wanted to cut right to the chase. So most people, they beat themselves up. They regret. They use the past just as a way to sort of immobilize themselves. Dude, and identify. Yeah. And identify themselves, right?

Like most people, when they turn 18, they stay 18. And they might age to be 50 or 60 or 80 or 100. But in their brain, who they were at 18 is who they are because at that point in time everybody that was important to them was telling them they were that right right so like all their friends when they were developing all their acquaintances their parents probably you know contributed to that and it's hard to understand that you evolves. It's like when you're a kid, man, and you look at your parents, and you look at your aunts and uncle,

and you think they're perfect, right? And then something weird, as you get older, you get to be like 20 maybe, 19, 20, 21, you start finding out all the dirt that you weren't supposed to know when you were a kid. You know what I'm saying? And all of a sudden, yeah, all of a sudden you're looking at your aunt and uncle and you're like, what the fuck? You know? And like, that's what this is

like. Like we evolve, we grow. And sometimes the truth of who you are doesn't really come out until later. Right. And that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Like the example I just used, it could be a good thing. So like at 18, you know, you, you were influenced by these people and you, you know, and here's, what's even worse about that dude, is that a lot of people's who they decide they are is influenced by people that don't even have their fucking own shit together. And the reason it's influenced by those people is because even have their fucking own shit together and the reason it's influenced by those people is because we're related to them and we're taught to respect them and we're taught that they know right when and then you get a couple years later and you realize

they don't know shit right and now you're who they the reason you are who you are is because of the perception that you had of them which wasn't even fucking true you're saying yeah it's complicated people are complicated right but like so so at that time it's probably time to say all right well all the shit they taught me may or may not be right and to start questioning right and to start growing and and start realizing that not only were they not right about their own shit, they weren't right about you either. Right. And all the bad shit that happened to you, the girls that broke up to you, the business failures,

the things you did wrong, all of those things serve you if you let them. And I think that's something that most people miss. You know, they identify and they feel guilty with who the fuck they are or aren't based off the perception of people that don't even fucking matter in their lives right now. And that's sad. Yeah, absolutely. So the average person just keeps themselves in the penalty box because they use their past to make themselves feel bad about failures and moral screw-ups.

So I knew you wanted to get to the point, how should we use our past? How do the happiest, most successful people relate to their past? First off, they let the past teach them. They let the past show them what is right by showing them what is wrong, right? You're going to learn more about yourself and the way the world works if you let the lessons come to your brain the way that they should instead of looking at it as emotional shit oh they were picking on me oh they were this oh they were that oh i did this oh i'm this because i'm a piece of shit because everybody says so you got to fucking throw that shit out the window and you've got to let the lessons of all those things start to build you into the

person that you desire to be. Like understanding yourself better. More self-awareness. I know that's a buzzword, the whole self-awareness thing, but it is a real thing. So looking at the past, looking at the, some of the mistakes you made and the errors you committed, not, not to beat yourself up, but to say, okay, here's how I need to correct myself here's how i need to improve right um so the past is a teacher it's not meant to be a slave slave master that's right and the other thing that i would say that i think we all agree on because i know everybody listening this podcast is interested in getting better otherwise they wouldn't listen dude i look back at my past and i'm like fuck dude i'm thankful that happened i'm grateful i was that because it taught me this and now i look back at my past and I'm like, fuck dude, I'm thankful that happened. I'm grateful I was that because it taught me this. And now I look back at all the bad things

that happened in my life with gratitude because the lessons that I've learned have helped me become the person that I am today. And guess what? I'm fucking proud of the person I am today. You see what I'm saying? And without all that negative shit and without all those people that didn't believe in me and without all those people who did mean things to me, and without all the mistakes that I made, I wouldn't know the shit that I know. And I'm thankful for that. Yeah, dude, I feel like there's just a whole,

just massive difference in the way that people look at the past between people who are essentially chronic failures and those who are successful and happy. And I was thinking that like when people have blessings in their life and then they lose them like faster than they thought they were going to do. The average person is like, oh man, I got gypped. I got, I, I can't believe my, my, no, I'm not, I'm not minimizing this, but I can't believe my dad died when I was just 19. But I've met people whose attitude is, man, I was so blessed to have had 19 years for 19 years and

and it's weird man but but you and i both are dog lovers like i even something as simple as like i had a dog for 13 years that i absolutely love i keep a little picture in my phone and occasionally i'll just look at and go like he's the best best dog to have for 13 years of my life. Look at my screen saver. Yeah. Andy's screen saver. Is it Oscar? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And dude, that screen, he died a day before his eighth birthday. Right. In my arms. That's crazy. Like dude, somebody- Yeah, your dad told me that whole story. Somebody poisoned him.

Yeah. Actually, I'm fairly certain it was somebody that I knew through business. Oh. So- I feel like there's a special place in hell was somebody that I knew through business. Oh. So. I feel like there's a special place in hell for somebody that poisons a dog. If I knew he really did it. Yeah.

I'd probably be in jail. No, I get it. I get it. No. But I mean, just, I use the example of a dog instead of a person because I think, I think at the very least, those things that people don't think are very significant. I'm thinking about, like literally my dog saved my little girl's life that's a story for another time that's a great story but but just just like why can't we have that attitude

when we lose people earlier in our life it's okay to mourn it's okay to say like i'm sad and i'm affected by the fact that my my dad died when i was 18 now my dad didn't i'm just using an example but it's okay to be sad about that but instead of having the attitude man i'm at least better than the guy who was born into the world who never knew their dad period end of story you know just having that at that attitude i mean you were i mean isn't that don't they talk about that shit in the bible yeah i mean yeah i mean just yeah it's counting your blessings like that's how it's being thankful for everything that comes into your life like there's a great phrase in the bible there's a great story it's supposed to be. It's being thankful for everything that comes into your life. There's a great phrase in the Bible. There's a great story.

It's actually technically the oldest story in recorded history. It's the book of Job, where Job is a rich man, and Satan comes along and says to God, yeah, Job only worships you because you made him rich. And God's like, eh, go make him suffer, and you'll see that you're wrong. And so he basically devil attacks Job, takes everything away from him.

And Job's attitude is, well, came into the world naked and I'm going to leave naked. So the Lord gave and the Lord take away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. And I enjoyed it. Yeah, and I enjoyed it. It was great. And it does make the very important distinction

that I think is so important with regard to, and you've said this before in your own life, that you love having nice things, but they don't define you. No. So if those blessings are all taken out of your life, naked Andy Frisella came in, naked Andy departs, whatever. That's what people get with me. I think that's why we've done so well on the podcast and speaking and all the things that we've done together.

I think that's why we do well. Because people, they might look at a post I make and say, oh, dude, all this guy cares about is fucking money. But if you get to spend any amount of time with me, you're going to know that I don't really give a fuck about money. I like winning. And dogs. Right, and dogs right and dogs but you know i was thinking when you were saying all that stuff um which are all great points i think most people tend to live in the past and like what's funny and this is a kind of embarrassing story for me to tell but it'll it'll show you the difference between someone who accepts their past and has let them, has taken the lessons and moved on to learn how to be better at what someone does versus someone who lives in the past.

Dude, I was walking out of one of the restaurants I go to here in St louis and i had a group of friends uh or i had a group of people stop me and like they they grabbed my arm and i looked at him i didn't fucking recognize any of them it took me like literally like eight full 10 seconds to realize like if this was the group of people that i was hanging out with every weekend in fucking high school okay and i'm not old. Like that was, you know what I mean? Like, but I just don't remember that shit.

Like I don't put value on that. Like, and some people are like, well, that's a shame. Well, it's not a shame because what I'm doing now is so much more fulfilling that I don't have room for,

to think about those things. Right. So like, and I felt terrible dude, because I literally, and one of my buddies, he goes, you don't even fucking recognize me. And I'm like, bro. And I just lied. I said, I said, bro, I'm, so like and i felt terrible dude because i literally and one of my buddies he goes you

don't even fucking recognize me and i'm like bro and i just lied i said i said bro i've had a couple beers i don't you know sorry but i hadn't had any beers right right and and uh it made me feel like dog shit you know but like it also made me realize like how much i don't even think about that shit like i don't even think about it you know what I mean except insofar as just you're right you're grateful yeah yeah you're grateful but you're not dwelling on it like oh those are the glory days no fuck no no way dude I don't live there yeah you know and uh and I feel like most people do and and they live there and dwell there and identify with that and they don't use their past the proper way to move them forward you know and i promise a lot of the people who are listening to this right now are shaking their heads saying yeah that's me

because it's very common think of the conversations that you're having with your friends is it about what you're going to do or is it about what you did think think of the you know the things that people look forward to they look forward to you know going on a vacation and getting drunk for a week but they're not focused on improving you know hear this a lot, dude. People say like, I want to make memories. I want to make memories. I want to make memories. I understand that concept, but the point is that you should be crafting your ultimate life through the lessons that are already your memories. Right. You know what I'm saying?

Absolutely. That makes total sense. So the bad way, I guess, to use your past is it shouldn't make you feel bad about your failures, shouldn't make you feel guilty about the wrongs you committed and regretted. You said your past should serve two main purposes, which is education, teach you something about yourself and the world we live in, and then gratitude, give you a reason to be thankful. So I don't know, dude, I think we covered some pretty good stuff. I think if you guys take this and start applying this, you're going to find that it moves you ahead at a very, very fast rate. And I can tell you for sure that you will be happier because when you're happy about where

you're going, excited about where you're going, it's always better than after you've been there. 100%. You get what I'm saying? Like the anticipation. Think about when you go on a vacation. When you go on a vacation and you're getting on the plane and you're like, fuck, dude, this is going to be awesome. This is going to be awesome.

But after you go, you're like, how was that vacation? Oh, it was great. Yeah. But that's it. awesome. But after you go, you're like, how was that vacation? Oh, it was great. Yeah. But that's it. Yeah. Right? The cool part's over. You're not as happy thinking about it as you were getting to it.

Anticipation is huge. And this is what I talked about on Thursday. People don't want to fucking enjoy the getting to it. They just want to be there. Right. When, dude, the getting to it is the fucking prize. You know what I mean? And if you can learn to appreciate that, think how happy you can be. Weird analogy, but I used to work years ago as a real estate assistant. So I just did all this

minion type stuff. But there was a house in Lake St. Louis that was this huge house, and it was beautiful. Could not sell for anything. And I said to the real estate agent, what is the deal with this house? It's so beautiful. And she said, yeah, the builders made a huge, huge mistake. Can you tell what it is? And I was like, no. She said, it's too close to the curb. A's a house like this needs a long driveway where you're sort of approaching it and you're anticipating but you just pull up

and you're like, oh, you're at this house and that's kind of what you're saying. There should be some buildup. There should be some expectation. Yeah, man. It's like, you know, it's like when you get in there

and then you're like, I knew that was going to go that way. Sorry, baby. We all know what that's like. I knew it was going to go that way. And then you're like, I'm sorry, baby. We all know what that's like. I knew it was going to go that way. I know, I know. That's because my brain is totally corrupted. The principle holds, though.

You know what you're saying is that the expectation and the journey really makes it all. Yeah. You know, so, and the past really is meant to, to, to enhance that,

to enhance the present, enhance the future. Hey, bro, this is a Sunday sermon. You've got to close it out properly. How do I close it out properly? I don't know. I'm not saying another word. Oh, you're putting me on.

Well, I would just say this, is that it's hearkening back to what Andy said earlier, or what we said earlier, is that the past is the raw material for your future. I will say another word. Yeah, you better say another word. No, the past is the raw material for the future, and it's just you have to dig in your past for the nuggets of gold, you know,

and polish those up, and I'm not sure where this is going because this is just not my day to close up. You're doing good, dude. All right. Come on, man. No, seriously. You don't need my approval. You've been doing this for three fucking years. Well, I mean- Come on, man. No, seriously. You don't need my approval. You've been doing this for three fucking years.

No, I know. I know. But we changed the topic last minute, so I'm less prepared. You got it. No. What is it that people should take away from this podcast? All right. I'll drop a Bible verse on you.

All right. In the letter to the Philippians, which, by the way, I had this pretty massively awesome idea, MFCEO Bible studies. It would be awesome. Like read the thing and then give the interpretation? Yeah, yeah. Literally, we talk about the Bible because there's so many. Dude, that would be fun.

Dude, there's so many cheesy Bible studies out there. Some of these fucking radical Christian motherfuckers would kill me though. I'm telling you, it would be awesome. But anyway, I'll drop my favorite book of the Bible, Letter to the Philippians. A lot of massively important stuff for success in there. But Paul says, forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on to win the prize to which I have been called heavenward. So it's right there in the Bible.

Forget the past insofar as you're letting it enslave you and identify you and press on to the future and have a goal have a goal in mind ultimately in that context the goal is heaven all right being with god but it's certainly applicable to success keep your eyes on the prize don't forget it or don't worry about the past say it again keep your eyes on the prize keep your eyes on the prize don't worry about the past were you fucked up again say it a third time keep your eyes on the prize. Keep your eyes on the prize. Don't worry about the past. Were you fucked up again? Say it a third time. Keep your eyes on the prize and forget about the past. Dude, that's so smooth.

All right. Thank you. Thanks for listening, guys.