REAL AF with Andy Frisella - The #1 Most Effective Motivator That People Never Use, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO262

Episode Date: September 6, 2018

The so-called "gurus" tell you to set attainable goals, but I don't agree with that. I think you should set huge, unrealistic goals. Because if you fall short of those goals, it's massively disappointing. Those unrealized expectations hurt & that's a good thing, because pain teaches. In fact, pain does more than teach. If we use it, it can drive us to success like nothing else can. 

I can stack them hundreds to the roof. I ain't stopping till they stack to the moon. Without me, my family wouldn't have food. Anybody go against me, gotta lose. What is up, guys? You're listening to the MFCEO Project. I'm Andy. I'm your host, and I am the motherfucking CEO, and this is Thursday Thunder. But before we get into Thursday Thunder, I want to welcome the new listeners and I want to say thank you guys so much for subscribing to the podcast and recommending it to your friends. It's been very, very easy to tell that that's happening and I just appreciate all of you guys doing that for us. Remember, this is a movement. This isn't just a podcast. And I don't run ads for the first fucking 15 minutes like everybody else does and

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm really trying to help people understand what it takes to succeed and to be fulfilled and to develop their best possible life. I just want to say thank you guys for doing what I ask and recommending friends and telling friends about it and getting people turned on to the movement. So I'll leave it at that. I have a story for you guys, and it's going to lead into what I want to talk about today. When I was in high school, I was a pretty good athlete. Uh, I was, I would say middle of the road popular. I wasn't popular. It wasn't unpopular. It was just an average dude. And, um, when I started to like, like girls and all that, I, I, uh, I found this girl that I, that, that quite honestly, dude,

I thought was the end all be all for me at the time. I was 17 years old. It was the first girl I ever really had a crush on or really liked. And dude, I was, you know, head over heels in love with this girl. I did everything I could to, you know, impress her. You know, I sent her flowers. I was, which by the way was, you know, my game was real weak at that time. Uh, but I, I like, dude, I called her every day. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I just know that I liked this girl and she was very popular. And, uh, this went on for like, I don't know, like a year, dude, I had a huge, huge, huge crush on her and we were quote unquote I got you know put in the best friend zone um and one time we went out and she fucking looks at me and she says uh Andy you know I would really want to date you if nobody else ever knew about it and talk about like breaking someone's heart and like also pissing them off at the same time. I was so upset, not just like heartbroken, but like pissed that, you know, I made, you know,

a decision right then and there that I wasn't going to be a fucking bitch in my life. And I was going to become something one day and I was going to show her and all these things that we think, right. Except I actually did it. Um, and now I would tell you like, you know, like if I saw her on the street, I wouldn't even fucking recognize her, nor would I, you know, be interested in her at all. If I was a single man. The point of what I'm trying to say here is, you know, I was devastated. I was so upset. I was, you know, so disappointed. I felt so disrespected and rejected. And, you know, we've all been in some sort of similar situation like that. And what I want to talk to you guys about is going to have a lot to do with that. And I know that comes out of the blue and I know that's a story that like probably all of you have

at some point. But I want to talk about what people say and what they, you know, put on you when they say, oh, you should set attainable goals. Because in my mind, in that situation, and if you asked everybody else, they would have said, oh, she's way out of his league. And you know what? She fucking was. But the truth of the matter is, is I've never been one to set realistic goals. I've always wanted the best. I've always wanted to be the best. And I've always continued to put the work behind that. But I want you guys to realize that when people tell you to set realistic and obtainable goals, I truly believe those people without maybe realizing it are insulting you because they don't think that your fragile little

ego can take the heartache of disappointment. And the truth is guys, the reason I say I set huge goals isn't just because I think I can accomplish them. It's because I know that if I don't accomplish them, those unrealized expectations hurt. The disappointment that you feel when you set massive goals and don't hit them is a great thing. All right. You guys have to understand that pain teaches when you feel pain, it should not be something that you wallow in and that you cry about. Maybe you cry about it for a fucking day. Okay. That's acceptable. But the point is, is that when you have something that doesn't go the way that you want, that is a trigger for you to go out and create a situation where it is impossible for you to not get what you want. And that's the difference between people who succeed and people

who don't. People who succeed understand that pain teaches them to level the fuck up. They don't whine and cry and bitch about how shit's unfair. Dude, I could just as easily be a 39 year old man crying about the girl that broke my heart and fucking when I was 17 like most people do but what did I do and you could say this is petty you could say it's whatever but I operate from the dark side motherfuckers And that means when people fucking do wrong to me, I make sure that I not only do what it is that they don't believe in me for, but that I rub it in their fucking face later on in life, obviously with some class, because that's the more fun way to do it. But the truth of the matter is, is I was not a motivated high school student. I was not a, uh, super achiever in school. I wasn't voted most likely to succeed. Okay. But that fucking experience for me caused enough pain

to kick me in the ass and say, you know what? I'm going to fucking shove it down that bitch's fucking throat. And you know what? That's what I fucking did. And that, that one instance probably carried me for the first three or four years of our business, three or four years, I was able to think back and be like, dude, I'm going to fucking show her. I'm going to this, I'm going to that. And you could say, Oh, well that's insecurity. If you were sick, you know what? I'm glad I was insecure. I'm glad I was in that situation because I take the pain and I put it into productive action. I take every negative thing that someone says to me about me or whatever it is they believe or don't believe about me, and I use it to go out and do shit. And I spoke about this in LA this past weekend.

If you were there, you heard some of this, all right? You have to understand that everything that you are or aren't is a reflection of your ability to leverage the things that are put in front of you. Okay? If you're somebody who is able to leverage all the good things and all the bad things and all the middle things towards your goals, you're going to be very successful because you're able to take what we can't control what the world gives us. We can't control what other people think about us. We can't control if your high school sweetheart likes you back. We can't control any of that shit, but what we can control

is how we react and how we leverage those situations. And so a lot of people these days like to talk about how you should just, you know, they talk about like kindness and they talk about all this other fluffy shit, you know, positive vibes and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No motherfucker. That's not reality. That's reality once you've made a bunch of money. But the truth of it is, is that you have to have motivation coming from all aspects because becoming successful is hard. And if you're not utilizing all the pain and all the other shit that you have, you're going to be left behind because the people who do use those resources are going to beat you. That's what you have to understand. You're going to read these

fucking fluffy memes on the internet that say, do it for the people that believe in you. Don't worry about those that don't. Motherfucker, I would listen to every motherfucker that tells you you can't. I would write it down. I would write the time down. I would write the date down so that you can go back and read the shit and say, fuck that guy. Because you know what? Fuck that guy might be your only way that particular day to get up and get out of bed and do what needs to be done. And that's the difference. A lot of people will dwell on negativity. They will take the pain of disappointment, whether it be with a, with a, you know, romantic relationship or whether it be in business, they set a huge goal. You went out and fell on your fucking face. Now you're embarrassed.

And guess what? That's painful. A lot of people will see that as the end. Most people will see that as then what will they tell themselves? They'll tell themselves this. Well, I guess entrepreneurship wasn't for me. Guess what? Entrepreneurship sure as fuck isn't for you. If you're going to fucking say that entrepreneurship is for people with grit is for people who know how to persevere. It's for people that know how to takevere. It's for people that know how to take these huge embarrassing moments and use them to fuel their drive for years to come. That's what successful people do. Now, a lot of people don't talk about it

because it's not popular. They keep all the dark shit on the inside and they say, oh, I'm just about kindness or I'm just about kindness or I'm just about pleasure or I'm just about positive fucking vibes. But the reality is you get them to fucking open up and tell the truth. They're going to tell you they drive a lot of their productivity from the people who say they can't. They drive a lot of their productivity from the situations that have caused them the most massive pain in the past. Their disappointments, their failed relationships, their failed attempts at business. That does not

mean you're a failure unless you quit, which is what most people do. If you pull every successful person that you look up to online and they told the truth, I promise you they are 50% positive vibes and positivity and all that other shit, but they got a 50% of the dark side too. Don't be afraid of using pain to drive your success. You don't even have to talk about it if you don't want, because it's not popular. I only talk about it because I'm trying to be authentic with you guys and let you know the way it really is. Does it, do you get mad when people tell you you can't? Yes, you do. And if you don't, you're never going to be shit. That's the truth. If you fucking say, if you could genuinely tell me that it doesn't upset you when other people tell you that you're fucking can't do what it is you're

trying to do. You ain't got what it takes. And that's a fact. You will not make it. I promise. Okay. And you will never hear me say you will not make it. I promise on anything else. The reason you won't make it is because you're not utilizing all the resources available to you. And sometimes resources aren't money. They aren't experienced. In the beginning, we don't have the, all the shit everybody else has. We don't have the connections. We don't have the, the Rolodex or the fucking phone book. We don't have money. We don't have, uh, you know, experience. We don't have knowledge. What do we have? What are our resources that we have in the beginning?

We have a vision. We have motivation. We have inspiration to do something and get somewhere. And then what do we have? We have the negative vibes that other people give us. We have the people who believe that you can't do it and are vocal about it. Write that shit down, man. Write that shit down and always use it because I'm going to tell you, once you get to a level like where I'm at, everybody's going to tell you how great you are and everybody's going to tell you that you can make it. And that's where a lot of people fucking fail because once they get to a certain point, all the same motherfuckers that were saying you can't are saying how proud of you they are. And you start believing it. You start believing you're good.

You know what I like? I like to remember back on all the shit that I failed at, on all the people that didn't believe in me. I like to think about the shit they said to me. every single conversation that I've had with someone who was critical of my hopes and dreams and projects and my ability to succeed. I remember all of them and I use them every single day to this day. And that ability to take pain and allow it to drive you is one of the most valuable resources you will ever, ever have. You have to understand the people you're competing against, they're using that. There is no shame in using the dark side, okay? Pain teaches. Pain is there to serve you. Pain is there to help you. Pain is there to get you to where it is you want to go. The problem is, is that most people don't use pain properly.

And that's why when the pain comes and the disbelief comes and the negativity comes and the people criticizing them comes, they roll up into a ball in the corner and they say, this isn't for me. Well, if you're the type that's going to roll up on the ball in a corner because someone attacks you with words. Now let's think about that with words. We're not talking about shooting you or stabbing you or trying to kill you. We're talking about with words. If you're the type that's going to roll up in a ball because someone says they don't believe in you, you do not have what it takes to play this game. You have to use it all. You've got to be able to produce productive actions from your negativity, from your pain, from your disappointment, from your anger, from your

frustration. The minute someone says something to you that is painful or frustrating or disappointing or anything negative should be your cue to jump into action, to make that call, to send that email, to read that 15 pages of that book, to have that meeting, to work on that design. That's what successful people do. Use your pain, let it teach you, let it show you the way, and let it be your fuel. Because there's going to be an endless amount of it on this journey. I can guarantee you that.