REAL AF with Andy Frisella - Two Things You Can Do Right Now To Be Happier and More Successful, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO267

Episode Date: October 18, 2018

One of the biggest things I've struggled with over the course of my life is having that little voice inside me that says that everyone else is smarter, more talented, or just plain better at [fill in the blank]. "They have some magic that I don't," the voice says. Now I've learned how to flip the voice on its @ss & use it to drive me. But the reality is, the whole self-doubt & comparison thing can really kill us. In this episode, I share 2 things that help me win that battle. They can help you win it, too.

I can stack them hundreds to the roof. I ain't stopping till they stack to the moon. Without me, my family wouldn't have food. Anybody go against me, gotta lose. What is up, guys? You're listening to the MFCEO Project. I'm Andy. I'm your host, and I am the motherfucking CEO. Guys, today is Thursday Thunder, and I'm happy to be back from Russia. From those of you that were following me on Instagram stories and thought I was in Russia because I told you I was in Russia. But the truth is I was actually in Denver. And you're probably wondering why the fuck I said I was in Russia. Well, I just like to fuck with people sometimes. And I took off and I posted when I was taking off on my story. And then I posted like two hours later landing at Denver where there was snow.

And I got like 30 DMS from people saying, dude, where is that Russia? And I'm like, how the fuck do you get in Russia for two fucking hours on the plane? So I decided that this would be a good time to just fuck with everybody. So I pretended for a couple of days that I was in Russia, which I wasn't, but I will say this. I did enjoy my time in Denver. What a beautiful city that is 300 plus days of sunshine a year. Uh, I had a great time. I, you know, did some business, got to see a little bit of the city, see a little bit of the mountains, but it was awesome, man. You guys in Denver, you guys are truly, truly blessed to live in a city like that. Now, with that being said,

something happened when I was in Denver that really, it happens a lot, but this really stuck with me. I was having a conversation at the hotel I was at with one of the guys who was a bellhop at the door. Really cool dude. He was there every day I was there, and we had a little conversation. And we finally, on the last day that I was there and we had a little conversation. Um, and we finally, on the last day that I was there, he's like, well, what do you do? And I told him what I did. And, uh, he told me about a little bit about what he did. And then he told me he had a podcast and, uh, was, you know, doing all these things. I'm like, Oh dude, I have a podcast too. And he's like, Oh really? Which is it? And I told him about it and he looked it up and he was like, Holy shit, man, you're like the number one business podcast, which by the way, thank you guys for making us the

number one business podcast. That was pretty cool. Um, but he was blown away and he, we started talking and he started telling me how, uh, you know, man, I wish I could get my podcast up there. You know, you must be just really good and really talented at speaking. I struggle with this and I struggle. And we had this conversation and it was short, but it got me thinking. And what I started thinking about was this, you know, one of the biggest things that I've struggled with over the course of my life. and it doesn't matter where I was, and I want to say this because I want you guys to understand that this isn't just you. It's all of us. But one of the biggest things that I've struggled with, no matter if I was in the

beginning of business, if I was playing sports in high school, if I was where I'm at now, it doesn't matter. I've still always felt this way and it can serve you, but it can also hurt you. And I'll explain that here in a second. But here's the thing, all of us, no matter who you are, we all on the inside have that little voice that tells us that everyone else is more talented, that everyone else is more gifted, that everyone else is smarter and more capable than we are. And we're very good at justifying that as truth because we look at people who have massive success, whether that be, you know, monetary success or, you know, they've got a top podcast or whatever they, whatever they are good

at. We just look at these people and we think, man, they've got some shit that I don't have. And I do that too. I do that. I still do it. I still do it. And that, I think it serves me. I know it serves me at this point in my life because I have gotten pretty good.. I still do it. And that, I think it serves me. I know it serves me at this point in my life because I have gotten pretty good. So I still assume I'm not very good, which keeps me hungry. But in the beginning, when you're not successful, having that voice and not understanding that it's normal to have that voice is very detrimental to success. And it's something that I think a lot of you guys really struggle with. You struggle with your own dialogue internally with how you relate to other people, because we're constantly measuring ourselves against other people, whether it's right or wrong.

I happen to think it's very right, but you know, all the, you know, it's popular now to say that that's not okay. Don't compare yourself to anyone but yourself. Come on, dude. That's like, fuck. That might be true once you get to a certain level, but in the beginning, guess what? A very good indicator of how you're doing at life is to look around and fucking see what everybody else is doing. That's just the truth. Okay. This shit is competition. All right. And eventually when you develop some skills and you get better and you get stronger and you get smarter and you get more skills, yes, you can start to evaluate yourself, um, more mostly against yourself. And that's, that's true. I mean, that's where I'm at in life right

now. Like, I don't really look at other people and think like, oh, you know, I'm going to compete against that person as much as I did when I was younger. Now I just think like, dude, am I getting better or am I staying the same and getting worse? Uh, and by the way, staying the same and getting worse are the same thing because we're on a moving scale. And if you're not getting better, you are getting worse. All right. So I always, you know, try to maintain a very honest look at myself. And I know when I'm not moving forward and I know when I am moving forward. But the thing that, you know, in the beginning, the truth is, is like, dude, you it's it's a very honest, true measuring stick to compare yourself against your peers. And for people to say that

you shouldn't do that, I just don't buy into that stuff. I think a lot of people, and I know you guys know this too, a lot of the things that are said out there right now are said to make you feel good. And the truth is you shouldn't feel good until you earn feeling good. But that's neither here nor there really. The truth of this is this, you have to quit selling yourself short and you have to quit looking at everybody else and saying, man, that guy's got more skills than me, more talent than me, more opportunity than me. Because we can do that our whole lives. Cause there's no actual way to measure that shit. Right. So, you know, unless we're doing a physical sport where

like this dude can run a 40 and four, three, and you know, you're never going to break five seconds. That's just the fucking fact. Uh, that guy's got more talent than you. But the, but the truth is he probably worked a lot harder to get that too in most cases. Um, but we as a society, cause I was talking to this dude and he was smart, like real smart. I could tell he was smart and he had good charisma, good energy, like one of those people that you instantly liked. And I could tell he had it, but he didn't believe he had it because he's looking at other people who have done what he's trying to do and he's discounting his own abilities.

And guys, that is such a dangerous trap to fall into. You know, humility is a great thing, but not when it's like to the point where you're telling yourself you don't have what it takes. The rest of the world is going to tell you, you don't have what it takes. You don't have to tell yourself that too. And quite honestly, it's just not true. You guys don't truly understand how close many, many, many times I was to just being a regular dude out there working construction. And by the way, if that's you, total respect, dude, because that's real shit. I appreciate people that work for a living like that. But I'm using it as a contrast to where I'm at now. And guys, there were so many times where things, you know, I could have made a decision to go this way

and I could have made a decision to not do these things or to just quit. And I would have been that. And you guys would never fucking hear from me. Right. And that's, that's the difference. You know, a lot of people look at like an average person and they look at people who have massive success and they think there's these huge oceans of disparity when it comes to skills and talents and smarts. And there's not, it's a few decisions that you're going to make. It comes down to a very few decisions, decisions when you're, you, and the decision usually is you telling yourself, you know what? I don't think I have what it takes to be a public speaker.

And then your other you agrees with it. And you could have ended up being the greatest public speaker that ever lived. Okay. I don't know what it, I don't think I have what it takes to build a multimillion dollar business. And then you agree with it. And then you decide to just, you know, go work at McDonald's and guys, that's the difference. It's these little bitty, tiny decisions that come down to an argument with our internal self that ultimately decide what path we're going to be on. And the thing you guys have to understand is that the best people in the world, the best people in the world still have this. They still look around, they still look at other people and they think, man, that guy really

has a gift, you know? And I think it's, I think it's interesting because the truly, truly high level successful people all do this shit and the pretenders, the pretend successful people think they're the fucking best. Okay. And that's why they never get any better. All right. So guys, when you think about yourself and you, and you look at other people, you cannot look at them and say, he's more talented. He's more gifted. He's smarter. He's more capable. You have to look at them and say, he's more talented, he's more gifted, he's smarter, he's more capable. You have to look at them and understand that maybe that guy is just making better decisions with himself. Maybe that person is just not listening to that inner voice. Maybe that person is just not letting that inner voice take them down a notch, so to speak, and put them where everybody else is.

Okay. And this goes hand in hand with another thing that has affected me my whole life and I've struggled with is this guys a huge mistake that you're going to make is assuming that everyone else thinks like you think I see this all the time especially with leaders leaders when they're running a company, oftentimes lead by what they think, not by how their individual employees think. And I'm going to tell you right now, if you want to be successful at a much, much, much faster rate, you need to realize right now that there are people that think really an innumerable amount of different ways than you and most of your employees I bet you probably have one employee maybe that kind of thinks like you

but you've been running your company you've been conducting yourself as a manager you've been conducting yourself as a leader as if all of them understand the same shit that you see and we all see the world from a different worldview. We all grew up in different circumstances. We all had different experiences happen. We all respond to different kinds of conversation or stimulus. Okay. And to be successful in business, you don't have to be an expert at communicating in all these different ways. You can get miles and miles and miles and miles ahead of your competition by just understanding this. Not everybody thinks the way you think and understanding it about your customers and also understanding it about your

employees. Okay. So you need to really, I mean, dude, I'm telling you, you are miles ahead of everybody else by just accepting that one point. I think I just figured that out maybe like two, three years ago. Okay. So I'm still trying to figure out as a leader, how to communicate as a marketer, how to communicate to my customers in ways that matter to them in ways that they respond to. And this goes for your employees and your customers. And guys, I'm going to tell you right now, the biggest mistake that's going to hold you back in business is going to be to assume that everybody thinks just like you. This is why when you go to the fucking mall or you go to the grocery store and you see some dumb ass going down the wrong way, you know, like, dude, when you go to the grocery store and you see some dumb ass going down the wrong way, you know,

like, dude, when you go down the fucking grocery aisle, I'm sorry. To me, it's just like traffic. If you're going to, if you're going the right, you stay to the right. All right. And maybe if you're on one of the other countries where they drive on the left, you drive down the fucking aisle on the left. And then I always go to the grocery store and I see someone coming down the aisle the wrong way. And I'm looking at him like, dude, you must be the dumbest motherfucker on the face of the earth. That's what I think. And then I stopped myself and I'm like, maybe this dude's from Europe. I don't fucking know. But the point is, is that your life will not, you will not only become a better leader, you will become a happier person by just understanding and accepting that people

don't think like you. And if you're in marketing, this is a must understand if you want to break into the eight, nine figure range. I mean, dude, you can do seven figures marketing to people that think just like you. Okay. But if you want to build a big brand, you want to build a big company, which I hope you do, you're going to have to understand and attract people from all different kinds of communications. So here's the thing, guys. I'm just offering you these two bits here on Thursday. It wasn't even really thunder. This is more like Thursday thoughts. We'll just call it that. But here's the deal. One, stop selling yourself short on everybody having things in more abundance than you. It's just not

true. It's a cop out. You know, it's a cop out and you need to catch yourself when you're telling yourself that. Two, and by the way, here's a pro tip on that. When you do that, when you look at someone and you say, fuck dude, I really appreciate this about them and they're so good and I don't have this. What do you think you should do? I would automatically go do something that would improve that skill at that moment. Like maybe you meet somebody who knows a lot about, you know, something you're interested in. You're like, oh, that guy's so smart about that. Or maybe the motherfucker just read a little bit about it. So what did you do? Go into Google and start reading about that and up your game in that level. Okay. You can do this with anything. Um, but for the first

thing is quit thinking that everybody, uh, you know, has more than you cause they fucking don't every single person out there that is massively successful, still doubts their skillset at some point. And honestly, as you become successful, it starts to serve you. But when you're younger and you're in the entrepreneurship journey, it's going to hurt you. Okay. So you need to understand that your skills are assets that you can develop just like other people have developed them. All right. Just got to put in the work. You can't tell yourself, oh, I don't have that. And then just fucking quit. That's how everybody ends up in a place they don't want to be. All right. And two, the other thing is, is quit assuming that everybody thinks like you quit

assuming that everybody sees things the way you see them. And you know what, when people, you know, say things online or say things to you that you don't agree with, you don't have to fucking argue with them. That's a good opportunity for you to train yourself and say, Hey, you know what? That person clearly grew up in a different way, had developed a different worldview than I do, and maybe try to understand it a little bit because when you start to understand where other people are coming from, it makes it a lot easier to A, manage, B, be happy, and C, sell shit to them, okay? So that's that, all right? One, you have enough shit. You have enough skills.

You have enough ability. You have enough of everything you need. You just got to develop those things. And two, learn to be patient and listen and understand different worldviews. It's going to make your life better. It's going to make you happier. It's going to make you stronger and it's going to make you more money.