Real Estate the Ramsey Way - My Boyfriend’s Mom Is Trying to Control Where We Live

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

When your boyfriend’s mother is trying to influence where you live, it can create tension and confusion. We walk through how to handle that pressure and work through the situation. Next steps: ��   🏠Not sure what to do next when buying or selling your home? Check out our ⁠⁠Real Estate Home Base⁠⁠ for free tools and resources to guide your next steps. ·   🏠And if you’re ready to buy or sell your home, ⁠⁠connect with a RamseyTrusted® real estate agent⁠⁠. They’re experts who’ll help you confidently navigate homeownership the way we teach. Explore more from Ramsey Network: 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🧠 The Dr. John Delony Show 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

I just kind of want to know what to do in my situation and if I'm just being a brat. So my boyfriend and I, we've moved in together into his house. His house is fully paid off, but it's managed in a trust by his mom. I have my own house as well that I got a mortgage on before we met, and I paid $3,000 a month. We want to move into my home and rent out his home, but his mother is stopping us from doing it. that and um she's not going to allow us to fix up his home or anything to get at rental ready i just i just feel bad because now i'm paying a mortgage on a home and it's just sitting empty i'm not really sure what to do hmm wow so it's not really his house

no it's really owned by it's owned by a trust his mother is the trustee yes yeah um if she ever sold it, he would always get the proceeds. I think it's written in that way from the sale, but I just feel stuck. No, I don't think you're stuck. I think he's stuck. How old is he? He's 39. Well, at some point, you have to become a man, my son, and decide if your mommy's going to tell you what to do. Yeah. Yeah. You're shacking up with a mommy's boy. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah.

She wants us to live in the home. I don't care what she wants. He's 30 freaking nine years old. She don't get a vote. So, you know, I mean, geez, this is like underdeveloped psychology. Yes. Yeah. And I mean, I understand.

Number one, I would not recommend that he completely trash everything over a girl that he's not married to. You. Fair enough. And so, but if he were married to you, and the two of you are trying to set up a life and your mother is this controlling, I would just wash my hands of that house and say, Mom, good luck with that house. Hope it works out for you.

You no longer have a vote, and we're not going to live there. Okay. And so it would be better for us to move into my home, right, and not have it sit at me. It would be better for you to do that if you were married. But if you're not married, then he's taking a big risk. Because now he's living in his girlfriend. Now he has a roommate that's his girlfriend. and she owns the house.

He went from one lady owning a house to another lady owning a house. This guy's yet to get, he's still homeless. Yeah. No, definitely. You're not wrong there, sir. Yeah. It's just, it's a bad, it's a bad thing for all of you. I'm sorry, it's, and controlling people just piss you off.

I mean, they just do. And she's obviously got issues, right? Yeah. I mean, I feel like that's the reason why I don't want to get married, though, because until they can resolve whatever it is between them, I don't want to cross that finish point. Yeah, he's not marriage material until he decides his mom doesn't get a vote anymore. I would tell my daughter not to marry him until he grows a backbone.

His mom tells him what to do. He's 30 freaking nine years old. What's the penalty that she's holding over his head, that she's going to take him off the trust, getting the house if he moves out? What power does she really leveraging here? If I understand all the details correctly, there's a few other rentals in the trust, and he receives income from those rentals. We both don't have any consumer debt. You know, we follow all your steps, and we try to do our best to live a debt-free life.

But he does receive income from those rentals and his current job. So she doesn't have a choice in that. The trustee has to execute the terms of the trust, and the terms of the trust are, the rental income has to be turned over to him. She can't take that way from him. And so that's what I'm getting at. For you all in your relationship, what he is really facing is her disapproval. She's not threatening him with anything else. And Dave just took the teeth out of the any kind of property threat. That's what I'm getting at. What is he's so afraid of? And what he's afraid of is upsetting Mama, which is back to the core issue for your relationship and everything else.

But he can leave anytime he wants to leave. He's just afraid to pick. this mom off. That's what's going on. So that's the bigger relationship issue. Okay. Yeah. And honestly, there's four things that you have to be in agreement on. And one of them is how we deal with extended family before you're married. And we're not in agreement about that because this has got issues. So, yeah, I'd suggest you guys sit down and see a therapist and I guess he could move in with you in your house if you want, but he's really still not dealt with his core issue. Um, which is he needs to be an independent human being man child and actually do stuff like man stuff instead of just, you know, going from mommy to girlfriend.

We have two houses, one that purchased in 2020, one we purchased in 2023 when we got married. We've been renting out the townhouse that we purchased in 23. And it's, we bought it and it was on the very like high end of our budget. And we, you know, use rental income to qualify. But we are now trying to sell it. And when we did have it rented out, we rented it for 2000 and with the HOA and everything we were losing like $850 a month. Oh, gosh. Well, that's not a good investment.

No, it was not. So now we're trying to sell it and we bought it for $350. We still 032. And comps in the area show we should be able to sell it around $325, which is not great because after fees and like title fees and everything in realtors, our realtor said that we'd probably end up bringing like. 30,000 to the table to sell this house, which is wild. We looked at like a cash offer for it, and it's, what, 285, so we'd be 40 under, $40,000 under that way. So I haven't listed again trying to rent it, but it doesn't have air conditioning and, you know,

units that are going to be like $2,000. Good question. Every other house in this townhouse complex has air conditioning. except for ours. Because you're Colorado Springs, I guess, and it's just... Yes. Yeah, but it's been hot there the last few summers. It has, so I'm not sure how we got away with this or purchased it with it, you know, without it.

I definitely had oversight. But we were newly married and excited to buy a house, so we did, and we went overboard. So what's your question? We've also looked at, I guess, you know, doing like a going into foreclosure, doing a lien in a new foreclosure. No, no, no, no, no, no, don't do that. Yeah. No.

No. So this is what I'm not sure. A whole financial picture. Yeah. No, I wouldn't. I mean, I hate to say it, but it's almost like getting a $30,000 loan and calling it stupid tax, which is a lot. But, you know, when you make, I mean, my hope would be that you could say, that you could

sell it. Are you guys, I guess you have the two mortgages. How much is the mortgage? The mortgage on that one is $2,600. And are y'all able to cash flow that right now with your current income? Not well, because we also have that second mortgage. And we have somebody living in our current house, so they're paying a little bit. But we're also kind of trying to bless them, so we're not charging them what we should be for this.

Wait, do you have a renter in the property right now? No, in our other house that we are currently living in, in our primary, the one that I bought in 2020. You have a renter in that with you guys? We have, yeah, we have friends that are living with us that are renting. Okay. That's a messy, complex situation, brother. Could you sell your current residence and go back and move into your townhome for a season?

With no air conditioning. I mean, we could. We were paying a little less at the four-bedroom, which is wild. So the townhouse has 1,400 square feet. that the other one has like 2,200 square feet. So it is quite a bit bigger. I get that. I guess hear me say at some point you're going to have to make some sacrifices.

Yeah, I mean, I'd put on the market and I would try, and I would sell it. And then if you guys have a $30,000 crap mistake, you know, loan up there that you're like that is just, that was our stupid tax. That's better than sitting there and paying $2,600 every single month for the foreseeable future, right? So, yep, I mean, I would sell at ASAP. ASAP, I would not go down the foreclosure route. Hey, guys, thanks for listening to Real Estate the Ramsey Way. Now, if you're here, you're probably thinking about buying or selling a house. It's exciting.

And one of the biggest financial decisions you'll ever make. But you don't want to do it with an inexperienced agent who will rush you into costly mistakes, like the ones some of our callers find themselves in. You need a pro who knows what the flip they're doing and will keep you on track with your financial goals. That's why we only recommend Ramsey trusted real estate agents. These are vetted, hand-picked pros who actually listen to your needs, guide you through the process, and fight to get you the best deal. To find a Ramsey trusted agent near you, go to Ramsey Solutions.com slash trusted agent. That's ramsysolutions.com slash trusted agent.