Real Girls Radio - EP 14: you couldn't make this sh*t up - Emma opens up about what she's been going through

Episode Date: September 21, 2022

Trigger warning: this episode includes some very personal information that some listeners may find triggering. It touches on subjects of emotional abuse, fertility, heart break and weight loss.We are positive this episode is going to help a lot of people, whether that's through raising awareness, showing that its ok to feel your emotions and/or opening up to a friend or family member. Emma covers a lot of topics which are very personal and still raw for her. We are so excited to have Emma back on the podcast, but please bare with Emma whilst she is still processing these events in her life <3 Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/e-1-the-unheard-truth-of-millys-journey. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Love this podcast? Support this show through the Acast Supporter feature. It's up to you how much you give and there's no regular commitment. Just hit the link in the show description to support now. Hello and welcome to Real Girls Radio. I'm Millie. And I'm Emma. And we are both very normal real girls just like you. Here to talk about all things health, fitness and navigating your way through this crazy life.

We're your new besties. We want you to feel part of our weekly chats and we're excited to invite you in to our exclusive girl gang. Grab some snacks and chillax whilst we chat. Woo! Yeah. Okay, I think we've got it. Hello, guys. Hello, hello, hello.

Oh, my God, we've got a familiar voice back. I'm back. I can't believe, Emma, you're back. I have missed this so much. Like, Emma was just saying before we were recording, she was like, I haven't, like, you feel a bit, like, what's the word? Like, rusty?

Is that the word? word yeah I feel like Millie is gonna have to guide me back yeah because oh I can see you shaking no I'm really I don't know I'm so nervous yeah because so much has happened it's been a big build-up for like for you to come back here yeah and like taken a lot of um mental struggle to get back here but I'm here and I'm happy and I'm positive this is gonna be a good episode. And you're putting yourself first. Yeah.

And getting your life back, you know? So if you haven't been catching up with the episodes, Emma hasn't been here for, I think, three weeks, maybe now? Three weeks, yeah. Since coming back. And there's been a lot of reasons behind why that is i basically just felt like obviously our podcast is all about being real and i really didn't feel like i could be that real like on the podcast because i was going through a lot mentally um

and i didn't feel like i was going to be able to speak about it without bursting into tears, actually. Yeah. So that's why I had to take some time out. But, like, I have genuinely missed it so much. And I felt ready to come back. Honestly, I've missed you so fucking much. So Emma and I also haven't even, like, caught up before this episode. So we're literally...

Well, we have, like, but... Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have, like, WhatsApp messages. With WhatsApp, but we haven't seen each other. so we're literally we have like but yeah yeah we have like whatsapp messages with whatsapp so i'm basically hearing emma's you know story and catch up with you guys basically yeah like this is a real legitimate friendship catch up and you guys are just gonna be listening in anyway should we start with the og flop and fly, so you can go first. Start with maybe a flop. My flop is that I lost my AirPods. Oh, God, that is a flop, isn't it?

So irritating. Big flop. Second time I've done it. You know what? I'm surprised I haven't done that yet, because I feel like it's very easy to do that. I left them in the gym. What, was it just like the whole case and the pods in there?

No, I've got my case, but I left it. The AirPods. You know you can do that. You can find it, can't you? You can find them. Or do they have to be in the case? I don't know. I'm not very good with technology.

So you're just going to buy another pair? Well, I have a spare pair. Okay, somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just annoying. It's just one of those things.

It's really annoying. It's really annoying. I bought the new AirPod Maxes. Did you? They're insane. Like, I love them. I go into a whole new world when I'm wearing them. It's amazing. It really gets, everyone who tries them on,

they're like, whoa. Like, what's it called, the noise canceling? Just out of this world. Out of this world. Okay, maybe I'll have to invest. Maybe I can turn my flop of losing the airport into a fly because I'll invest yeah you upgrade I mean they are different you can get both I guess what's your flop my flop Oh God my flop is flat hunting it's just absolute shit

it's just absolutely tell me all about it as well I mean just being in London it's actually the worst like any flat that you find will go within 24 hours and everyone who puts an offer in will go way above the asking price like stupidly above the asking price so we saw i went to two flat buildings yesterday saw one of the like one of them was really really nice and modern um i was gonna say right was them, but no, not gonna say that. And it was a price and we put an offer in and then the agent was like, oh yeah, people have been putting in like higher than that. And we're like, you're joking like that. We've already put above the asking price

and people are going like even beyond that. And it's actually just a joke, like it's so hard. So every flat that we see and we put an offer in, we just always lose. And I've got three weeks left. How long have you been searching for now? I wanna say like two months. God.

Every week, every day, every night. How annoying. So yeah, I've got three weeks left and then I'm probably gonna be homeless. You'll find somewhere, I know it, I feel it. We'll find somewhere. So that is my flop, but hopefully that'll turn into a fly. Yeah. We always try to change our flops into a fly. I think find somewhere. So that is my, that is my flop. But hopefully that will turn into a fly. Yeah. You know?

We always try to change our flops into a fly. I think we're, we're good at that. We are. The success rate is high for that one. Okay, so what's your fly? What's your fly? My fly is that I have spent some really good quality time with my friends and family lately.

I've seen this. Jasmine just came to stay my sister came to stay which has been really nice it's really nice and i'm going for a spa day tomorrow with two of my uni friends which i so need like i've got the worst dorms oh like well you're gonna have like a full body massage yeah yeah i can't that's so needed yeah is it like a whole day thing where you gonna go uh the cot swabs oh lovely spa there oh lovely yeah i'm gonna have to drive there which i i will probably get lost but you know that's fine you make the most of that yeah i will really great day i can't wait yeah that's definitely a great day um fly for me is i'm going skydiving tomorrow oh my god it's a little fly i'm gonna be flying in the air i cannot wait to see the footage of this please tell me someone is recording it yeah yeah

are you gonna wear a helmet with a no i think there's gonna be another man who's jumping out with me to film you yeah just imagine the facial it's all the air is gonna be like going through your back and be like absolutely i know i don't even know i've had my hair because obviously with the extension you could make it into like a really funny tiktok or real i'm actually really scared this is if i survive it this is if i actually live okay so how high up are you diving from the highest i don't know i don't know the feet i don't want to know I don't want to know because I remember like literally it must have been like a year ago you told me you wanted to do something like this really yeah yeah I'm doing it for charity yeah I must have manifested that because I didn't really know like who I'd do it with why I'd do it and then and how much have you raised

so far I've raised about a thousand pounds. That's incredible. But it's not as much as I was hoping, but to be honest, I did. I only spoke about it last week. So I haven't given a lot of people enough time. Well, that's great for like a few days. But yeah, I guess it's, you know, it's a thousand pounds extra for the charity to use. Exactly.

And as well, it's still an experience for you as well. You'll probably get a lot out of it as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I will. So I guess that's a fly oh so we've both got fun activities for the weekend I don't know if mine's fun mine's probably more I think you're probably going to be really apprehensive and nervous beforehand but like after you'll be on such a high and you'll be feeling like so proud of yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, true.

Yeah, I will, I probably wanna do it again. Anyway. Right. Let's get into it. Right, let's get into it. Guys, I, right, honestly, my friends have said that my life could literally be turned into like a Netflix show

and it would just be too intense to even be aired. Honestly, like one thing happens and then another thing happens and then another thing happens and it just keeps on too intense to even be aired. Honestly, like one thing happens and then another thing happens and then another thing happens and it just keeps on adding up and up. And I honestly, you are the strongest person I know and I'm not even just saying that. You are literally the strongest person I know.

Like really, I mean those words. My heart's beating so fast right now. I mean, of course it's gonna be, it's like a huge, you've just gone through a lot. Like I don't think anyone ever deserves to go through what you've gone through. And it's not even like it's just one through a lot like I don't think anyone ever deserves to go through what you've gone through and it's not even like it's just one thing there's just been loads of different things and I am actually really really proud of I was gonna ask you this yeah for

managing to like somewhat stay sane and like keep it going with my business and my clients and like showing up on social media because that is hard enough like I've had days where like I have been rock bottom like I literally can't stop crying but I still have to show up on social media and do my work and carry on like you and it's just hard no I honestly don't know a lot of people who can do that. It's hard enough to actually deal with it behind the scenes, but then to actually put on this front to the world, which I mean, I have been pretty real in my stories on bad days, but I've only shown a teeny little snippet of how I've been feeling. Okay, right.

So let's reverse. Let's reverse straight back to the end of season one yeah so you were going to Barbados no Maldives Maldives that was I want to say May May June June spent about four months wow a lot has happened in a very short space of time. I feel like 10 years have been merged into like four months. Yeah, fuck. So would you say... Can I just ask? Yeah.

As a friend who is just like watching my stories, if you didn't know like what was going on, what does it look like? Oh, it just looks like you're just, like nothing's really going on. Like genuinely, I would not have ever known. So I'm good at covering it. Very good.

Very good. But I think it's also really important for you to not live two different lives and hide away. Yeah, that's why I feel like I had to face my fear yeah back on the podcast because I can't hide away from it forever and let it like control my life and stop me doing what I want to do exactly like I love doing this and I I don't want it to stop me living my life how I want to anymore so I just need to face my fears deal with what's happened and I know I will come back stronger because adversity always makes you stronger every time and I know like when I

when I think back to my um previous life when I was like bullied when I was overweight when I went through stuff as a child like I remember it being like the darkest times of my life but I built myself back from that and I I got stronger from those events happening to me so I know the same will happen again and I will learn a lot and I will grow and develop as a person and I'll come back stronger and I just know that will happen so I'm being positive but I do just feel like I have tried to adopt that mindset and then every time I do something else happens and knocks me back you down but like I don't know if I told you this but this is literally the universe testing you to the extreme yeah and like

this is your chance to stand up and show how strong you are like because you've gone through so much in your past you've built so much strength from then from that from those times that you can now use it to to keep you stronger yeah during these times yeah and then you know it lays down the line you'll look back and you'll think wow like I was amazing yeah during those times and like we've said before on podcasts like your mess becomes your message and I think in some ways with what I've gone through I will be able to help other people one day oh my god even just like whoever's listening here I think a lot of people just you talking about it they'll be able to relate and even just that level of relatability can help so many people and i also want to just um make it very clear like

i don't i don't want any sympathy at all and i don't want people to like feel sorry for me and i'm not ever trying to like get that kind of like oh my god it's not I'm just being real and I'm just being honest and like shit happens in life and it is very normal I think like it's it's sad that this this kind of thing happens but like lots of people go through it I mean everyone's probably thinking well what the fuck's happened yeah they're probably still thinking like what's going on okay so I'm obviously, like, I'm not going to go into too much detail because I will get extremely upset

if I talk about it too much. And there is, you know, part of my life I do still want to keep somewhat personal for, like, certain reasons. Yeah, and also you're still processing it yourself. Like, it's still very raw for you. I'm very much processing a lot myself. And I, like, we're going to speak about speak about in another episode but we're gonna talk about mental health a bit more

and our experience with therapy which we have both started um which has already helped me a lot um but anyway yeah let's rewind back to the end of season one so I was moving house yes you're moving I moved house and that's a positive because I do I do love my house it's gorgeous it's gorgeous it's in the countryside I love my kitchen it's yeah it's really really nice I do like it there uh I do miss my old little apartment yeah that's when we first properly like I know you haven't sleepover yeah that's when we got our matching and we did you still have it yeah of course i'd be really upset if you didn't which one is it the second or third one that's one of the second second yeah my favorite lifetime it does right yeah so i moved house so you moved house with

gabriel gabriel and you'd you'd already said you already spoke about gabriel yeah yeah we we spoke about him and everyone knew I was moving in with him. Remember we did the episode on dating, which people love, by the way. That was a great one. I remember that one. Yeah, no, it was a great one.

We spoke all about like dates, relationships. Oh, right. What, did we speak about Gabriel then? Yeah. Did we? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, he was very much mentioned on the podcast.

Okay, so without us saying his name. Which, yeah, which is why I was apprehensive about coming back on yes because I was like oh god okay it's just awkward um so yeah we went to the Maldives it's a great holiday it's lovely there like lovely holiday it was one of the most incredible places I have ever no the most incredible place I've ever been in my life and like if anyone ever has the opportunity to go there like please do because it doesn't look real no like it's off a

postcard you have to get on a seaplane yeah that's the journey to get there was intense it was like I had to get a three flights wow yeah and then the third flight was a seaplane and the pilot literally wasn't wearing shoes wow it's like paradise paradise with pilots not wearing shoes yeah anyway so was the was the actual holiday itself the actual holiday was incredible yeah and um i got engaged yeah wow did it come to your surprise yeah it did actually i mean so he proposed me on um our one year anniversary um and so he did this big like extravagant um setup on the beach like a heart of roses yeah there was like two different setups like wow sunset and then we went somewhere else and there was like a moonlit dinner and it was very romantic but i just thought because he's

always been very like sweet and like thoughtful with like dates very yeah i just thought that was like typical him a nice thing for our one year anniversary yeah okay yeah true because it was your anniversary so i wasn't expecting it at all and i was like filming snippets of it because i was gonna make like a date night reel oh my god yeah i remember you actually seeing this reel in the end because you were like yeah it was a fucking proposal yeah it turned into a proposal so did it was it like so you were having dinner he just got on one i felt like he was being really awkward at one point i was like why are you awkward and then he went to the bathroom then came back and yeah oh my god so then was it like yeah like straight away yeah yeah wow so you were ready

you were like this man I love him yeah and you know when you're on holiday like everything's just so perfect you are in another world yeah I was like over the moon I was so happy I was I was so excited like planning my wedding and oh my god like I I obviously like I told you like straight away yeah yeah everyone was just obviously I was so happy for you because you were so happy I was like this is like oh my god yeah so yeah I got engaged and then got back home and this is when things started to just go a little bit pear-shaped because I I wasn't even going to like talk about this you don't need to I I had a miscarriage and I feel like it happens to a lot of females which is why

I wanted to like bring it up and I feel like it does happen to a lot of women, but no one speaks about it. And it's a very unspoken thing. Oh my God. But yeah, I obviously won't go into details. I wasn't planning on having a baby and being pregnant, but it's still upsetting and it's traumatizing. The actual process of it, it not nice it's it's like emotions that you'd never you've never felt before in your life because like it's something in you and we've never felt that before until you actually feel it yourself and then you go through it

and there's like the emotional side of it but then also like the physical side of it as well which is what i don't think people talk about like it's fucking painful so painful and it's not nice like it's not a nice experience at all do you want to say like how you found out or um so basically you know i lost my period like years ago yeah and it came back it's always been very irregular um it's never been like you know some girls have it like it's that same day every 28 days um but mine's always been like a little bit all over the place um and it basically lasted for like 10 days your period and it was very like different to what it normally is um just a lot of it i don't want to be too graphic oh my god but yeah and then uh i went to the

doctors because i was in so much pain and it was like period pains which is pure cramps kind of like contractions like painful it was painful it was not nice and went to the doctors and i found out that yeah yeah and then. And then the- Of course I wanna say like, this is nothing in comparison to what some women go through when they have, you know, planned to have a baby and they have really been hoping and trying to get pregnant and then they do. And you know, it happens later down the line,

like that is just heartbreaking. And I cannot even imagine what that would be like but this in itself it was just it was just horrible I think everyone's like issues everyone's you know low points in their lives are all incomparable like everyone goes through yeah their own struggles and you know you can't compare it to another person's miscarriage, but you also can't invalidate your feelings. Yeah. Because it's a lot to go through. Yeah, it was just a sad, painful time. And then I booked a trip to Mykonos,

booked to cheer myself up. I saw this, this was like very impromptu. Yeah, it was very like last minute, very last minute. I was like, I need to cheer myself up. Yeah. I'm going to book that. And annoyingly, you literally got back. I literally you literally got back like a few days before me not even that like I swear it was like a day before I and I didn't even book it because you were there having a great time and I was like oh god that was great I booked it and then I saw you were there and I was like oh wait

you didn't see me the whole time you're not catching up on my stories, bitch. Wait, what? No, I booked it and then you went. No. Oh, I see. I see. So you booked it. Yeah, I booked it. And then like the day after, you were like, yeah, yeah. And it was making me so excited to go because you were like living the rest of your life.

And I was like, wow, I booked the right place. Did you enjoy it? Isn't it great there? Yeah. Like I would so go back. It was very windy. Oh, my God. Trying to take a picture.

No. It's just, like, impossible. It's impossible. But, like... No, in Mykonos. Just even, like, I don't know. You wash your hair. It's a lot with, you know, with hair, like ours.

I mean, mine's actually really short at the moment. But anyway, it's just... It's hard. Yeah. To actually enjoy, like, you know, your sunbathing or whatever. And then, like, gust really short at the moment. But anyway, it's just, it's hard. To actually enjoy like, you know, your sunbathing or whatever, and then like gusts of wind. Just making it like.

And knocks my drink over. The amount of drinks I had to re-over. The drinks, sand in your eyes. Yeah, and like your hair is just a naughty mess. You look like you've been dragged for a bit. Other than that, it's gorgeous. Yeah, it's beautiful. I went out and got very drunk one night.

Which is very unlike you. That's very unlike you. We were out till like five where'd you go uh i don't know but it's a nightclub with a moon in it it's like got a real life moon above i didn't see this nightclub it was incredible kind of reminded me of like zante a little bit yeah i went to zante with my sister on our yeah it's kind of like those kind of like going out party vibes but then in the day it's like very chill wholesome like the cute little town and then you've got the beach class. Yeah yeah yeah yeah so anyway you went with Gabriel there. Yeah I went with Gabriel to Mykonos um yeah and then. And that was fine? Yeah. And then got back.

Everything's like, whatever, fine. And so I'm just going to be really real with you guys. Obviously, Millie and I have both struggled with disordered eating and our appearance, body dysmorphia. We've had these things before. And I am like in a great place now, like I am and I have like built myself back up so much from previously when I was bullied for being overweight. And then when I had an eating disorder, like I have come on leaps and bounds from there. But you know, sometimes comments can still hit you hard. And there was one comment that just got to me.

And I think it was the accumulation of other things going on in my life at that time. And obviously what I'd just been through with the miscarriage. And then someone basically told me that I would look a lot better if I was leaner and that I should specifically lose three kilos. I don't get it.

That is disgusting. Like that's actually vile. Can I ask who this person was? Was it a male? Was it a female? It was a male. And it just, I've always been like, oh yeah, I don't care what people think of me.

Like I'm my own person. I love me for me. Like people's opinions don't matter, but sometimes they can just hit you hard. And that comment, I, it really got to me and it played on my mind and it genuinely distorted how I saw myself in the mirror.

It did. And I felt so weak that I was letting that comment get to me because I'm a strong person who's like empowering women to love themselves and, you know, fuck other people's opinion. And I was letting that stupid stupid like irrelevant person as well like we don't even know him well yeah and like a weird creep behind a keyboard wrote it down on my notes word for word what he said but it was you would look much better if you're leaner I think you should lose three

kilos of body fat. You're joking. No. So that is what sent me into a spiral of like head fuck despair. I actually want to punch this fucking motherfucker. But that, in addition to me going through a lot of personal stress in my life. So I'm just going to say it now. Unfortunately, Gabriel and I broke up. We ended the engagement and we are no longer together.

We're not living together anymore. We cut ties. It's not a thing. So that coming along with the other personal issues and stress and just, that was a lot going on for me in my life um I lost my appetite completely and I genuinely felt sick to eat and I couldn't eat and that was then making me have no energy so I couldn't even like like mentally go about my day okay because we all know like how much food has an impact on your

energy and your your mood and your productivity like I just felt like rock bottom like I wasn't sleeping I wasn't managing my stress I don't know how I managed to maintain my work like I don't know maybe just because it's your passion I think it I genuinely think it is that and also like a good distraction yeah I think being so busy with my work really really helped me to put all my focus and energy and efforts into this good thing in my life which I do love like obviously work can be stressful and hard but like I do love it I think that definitely helped me cope but you know that's just kind of like a band-aid like covering up rather than actually actually dealing with the situation yeah so yeah no more engagement unfortunately which I mean

you know going through a breakup in itself is heartbreaking yes literally heartbreaking it's grief it really is and I even though I've had relationships before and I have been with other people I genuinely feel like this is the first breakup I've ever actually been through because there were real feelings yeah and you went through a lot of life phases with him I went from being engaged and planning my wedding being so excited buying a place like yeah yeah to that all just crashing down and i just felt so alone and rock bottom and empty yeah i lost like my life just like flipped like that and and you like of course

you're gonna feel the emotions that you're feeling now. Like, you should never feel like weak for crying or weak for not wanting to talk about it. Or like, you should never feel guilty for having more days off because this is not what the normal person goes through. Quote unquote normal. Like, it definitely isn't what we're set up to do in our lives, you you know so talking about it

let alone you know all the other things that you've gone through and behind the scenes you should you should always just be proud yeah of what like how you've got through it I'm just really I feel like I'm living in fear of what's coming next because yeah this year has really been a series of unfortunate events testing right and I just I know it's cliche but I cannot wait until the new year because I don't know what it is but it just feels like fresh so stupid to think like that but I just can't wait for the new year yeah because this has just been horrible um but no I I I feel like I'm over the worst and I'm gonna think like that because there's no point being stuck in a negative mindset

like the only person you're hurting then is yourself to keep yourself in that low rock bottom place feeling like a victim like I'm not gonna let myself feel like a victim because it's in my power to change and be optimistic and like change my future yes and make and you know make something good from it love that and I'm ready for that now like I'm excited I have started journaling and my new channel um and I yeah I feel excited for like new starts um I just feel like this is now the time for me to focus on me and my goals and my mindset and just do things alone like i actually love being alone i like spending time by myself i think that's very important too like i think it's so i love how do you i so during well before i actually moved actually moved to London, I enjoyed my alone time too much.

Too much to the point where like, I actually would rather spend, like go to the, I don't know, go to the movies by myself than go with friends. It got like a bit too extreme, but now I found a great balance. Like a really, really good balance. I think everyone needs to like enjoy their alone time.

Yeah, I think it's so important. Like I feel like I recharge myself when I'm alone yeah and then I can be like my best positive happy after other people when I recharge yeah yeah yeah what do you like to do in your alone time so I would I'm not working I like to cook listen to music I like to watch movies just very generic chill stuff I also like to cook, listen to music. I like to watch movies. Just very generic, chill stuff. I also like to go on walks, go to the coffee shop, get a coffee.

Even just go shopping by myself, I love that. Yeah, I love going shopping by myself. I think one of the best things you can do is take a day to yourself. Go out, get a coffee, go for a walk, do something like self-care like get your nails done or just like have a bath at home or something yeah and just spend time by yourself like i'm excited to do that so what is the next step now you're gonna look for places

you're gonna stay in the house what are you doing so i'm staying in the house oh wow so you're this is gonna be your house now this is my house Right. And I just bought some new artwork. Oh, lovely. Which I'm really excited about. That's very adult of you. Yeah, I know, I know. It's because my family came over and they were like, your walls look better, you need some art.

Yeah, see my mum recognises that stuff and I don't recognise stuff like that. No, no. But then when you put the artwork up, you're like, oh yeah. Yeah, it definitely makes your home more unique to you because no one else is going like put the same artwork where you would put the artwork and like yeah yeah that's really interesting so um in terms of being safe right yeah it's so hard to know like what we can and can't say on this podcast

well it's up to you it's up to you it really is up to you but do you feel like you're happy to you're happy living there it's a good decision you've made you're happy yeah I mean who who knows how long I'm gonna live there for I'm not sure yeah um like does it bring back like does it bring not nice memories yeah like it is it's hard because you know i lived there with him and um there's been happy times and not happy times in that house but i am very much a believer in like you can you can recreate something and like i'm going to make it a positive place and like i'm just going to decide to not remember the not happy times. And- Yeah, you can switch around.

Yeah, I do love it. Like I've made it very, very cute and girly already. Yeah, that's nice. And like who knows where I'm gonna be in like a year? Like I don't know. I might still be there, I might be in London, I might be in bloody Australia. Actually things can change so quickly.

This year has opened my eyes to like how life is ever changing and like it's so volatile and unpredictable and i actually think everyone just needs to be more at comfort with expecting the unexpected do you know i agree you need to just be prepared you yeah you need to almost expect nothing from life um oh my god is that a really negative thing to say no I don't mean that I think you just need to like expecting nothing no I don't mean that oh my god no Emma don't talk like that no but I need to just like like almost let yourself thrive with the unpredictable things that get thrown at you and just not get too complacent with what's comfortable because it could change any moment

yes yes yes yes true and if you are comfortable just make the most every single second of that yeah because you don't know how long you're going to be in that comfort zone because yeah being in your comfort zone is good but actually i think being outside your comfort zone is even better yeah it's really important oh yeah growth definitely comes from being in your comfort zone is good but actually i think being outside your comfort zone is even better yeah it's really important oh yeah growth definitely comes from being outside your comfort zone and then that uncomfort or discomfort sorry will then turn into your comfort your new comfort so then you gotta do it again are you doing it yeah so sorry that's done oh i don't know we're still working on our skills of podcasting. Yeah, no, I'm a bit rusty, like we said.

I think you're doing great. Do you? I really think you're doing great. I really hope people aren't listening to this. I think you've honestly held yourself very well. I'm proud that I haven't cried. No, if it was me, I would genuinely be crying. I remember I cried on the first episode straight away.

Straight in the tears. I was, yeah. Oh, bless you. No, bless you. Bless us. Guys, I i'm not gonna lie as soon as i sat down here in front of the microphone i was like oh no this is a bad idea i thought i was gonna really i could see you shaking that yeah i was shaking and you were really shaking i think it's just because it's a lot to a lot to talk about let's talk about and get off my chest i actually feel like quite quite relieved yeah just breathe breathe my therapist i should never talk about

that you give me my therapist i can be your this is kind of like yeah this is full on therapy i think but anyway i want to go back and address what i said about me like losing my appetite and letting these bodies a small fear comments yes because you've managed to pick yourself back up again yeah i have and i mean it's been a challenge and a lot of people ask me on instagram like oh after your cut for the moldy it's like did you start a reverse diet like you're eating more now and oh my god like it just my my nutrition and my training had to take a backseat a back step it really did i'm not surprised um and all i was trying to do was just get through every day yeah and i mean i genuinely didn't have an appetite

for the first time like i felt sick to eat like i was having to force myself but i'm i've made a lot of progress since then and this week i actually started my reverse diet oh yeah more food I've been eating better and does it like worry you a bit what is it like more yeah it does now because I I know all about metabolic down regulation and all the science if you're under eating for a prolonged amount of time your metabolism will down regulate and that has happened for me i'm gonna say i'm gonna be honest like i have had a period of time of not eating enough to fuel myself and my body because of science has adapted to that so it's going to be a case of me treating myself like any other client and gradually building my calories back up

um which i mean it can be scary but i just gonna, because of these comments and stuff, it's just been a bit hard for me. But I think, you know, with comments and everything, like, I always just say to myself, those people, like, there was a quote that I read, I can't remember what it is, I'm gonna get it wrong, literally gonna butcher this quote. But it was like, you shouldn't care

what the people in your life think about you who don't care about you does that make sense like the people so we care more about the opinions from people who don't actually care about us oh yeah yeah which makes no sense yeah right so those people who are saying the negative shit towards us like all this stuff that's getting to. Those are the people that actually don't know us fully and they don't care about us. Because if they cared about us, they wouldn't be saying that shit. Exactly.

Like we shouldn't care about that. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. So I've like worked on that. I've done a lot of journaling and I have started my reverse diet and I'm very excited about it, feeling positive. And I think it will be really good for me

to have structure and routine again with my training my nutrition and I think like you know a lot of people think um like tracking your calories and macros and following a set training plan can be restricted but I actually think in a lot of cases it can be extremely helpful and empowering to have that guidance and that structure to help you when you're going through some sort of like difficult time I guess like it adds a bit more purpose to your life and a bit more like I guess regular regularity it's giving me like a regular goal and it's it's in a healthy way yeah like I'm building up my calories building up my strength

yeah yeah I think when it comes to restriction and like that stereotype of tracking your calories and stuff and people thinking that it's very restrictive, it's because they don't allow themselves to go over or under. Yeah. They are the ones that are very, very strict with it. It's not the actual target itself because that target is just number. Yeah. Like it's down to how flexible you want to be with it.

And obviously the more flexible you are, the less restrictive it's going to be. Exactly. how flexible you want to be with it and obviously the more you are the less restrictive it's going to be exactly it's all about having like having that there as a guide to help you um with consistency rather than like letting it freak you out if you're a little bit over or under yeah yeah it's yeah it's not like imprisoning progress over perfection yes no one imperfectly perfect so this is a great new little phase for you yeah I'm excited I'm excited and um do you find it hard to coach yourself no no I don't because I I am very um I mean it can be difficult because obviously there's like emotions and stuff yeah and it's hard to be objective but I am very good with like sticking to what i set myself

i've always been like good at i guess like science speaks for itself and it's just the knowledge that you need i guess because you know like you know you if you want a goal you can reach it yeah and you're the determined type of person exactly and like when i check in, like I think another coach in Empower is just going to like guide me alongside myself. But yeah, I'm excited for it. More food. We love it. So that is a little bit about my life. That is the story of Emma.

God, it should be called the series of unfortunate events. Should we call it that? I think we're going to call it that. Oh God, I don't know. Maybe. It's a bit negative. Do you feel like a bit lighter? Getting your chest yeah i do yeah i really do like i feel like i'm not gonna lie a lot of people on instagram have been dming me like where's your

engagement rate oh really god people are so analytical as soon as i took it off people were noticing even in like mirror selfies. I didn't even notice that. I'm not going to lie. I don't even know which finger it goes on. I do wear a lot of rings. So I guess. Yeah, true. True.

But a lot of people are very on it. Yeah, they are. They are very on it. I was getting a lot of questions like, where's Gabriel? Like, why haven't we seen him for ages? Why are you on your own? Where is he staying when your friends are over? Like so many questions.

I think people are innocently just very interested in other people's lives that they follow on Instagram. Oh, like no one was saying it in like a horrible, nosy way. It was more like in an endearing way. Oh, what's going on? Which is lovely and sweet that people care. But it just made me like feel really on edge. Like my god people are picking up on it well this is the thing like now that you're at least getting off your chest people will at least have some sort of insight and then you know you'd hope that they would kind of ease off those questions because at the end of

the day it is your life and you are you like you are human with real emotions oh my god i think we need to talk about this because i'm not gonna lie i felt so embarrassed ashamed humiliated just embarrassed is the perfect word that i had put my entire relationship and engagement all over social media for everyone to see. And then a few weeks later, it's just all crumbled. I felt embarrassed, humiliated. But you can't blame yourself for doing that. Your job is sharing your life. And obviously some people want to keep their relationship private and some people don't.

You're happy and comfortable enough to not keep that private and that's your choice, But that's absolutely fine. Like, you want to know this is going to happen. This happens to... Well, of course not. I was like, I didn't. So you shouldn't, like, embarrassment. I know I understand that you probably do feel a little bit, like, embarrassed

because maybe, like, there's more people. You've exposed the story to a lot more people than you would have liked. But I think at the end of the day, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and also there's always good in everything. So I think with this, like you said, your mess becomes your message. So you've gone through some shit,

but it's gonna help so many other people who are watching you. I hope even me talking about it, how I've moved in with someone i've got engaged them i plan my wedding with them and then gone through this horrible breakup like i hope it can kind of like resonate with other people that this is this happens to all of us it goes to show like you are literally a human i am just living your life girl having a normal life with all the shit that comes with it yeah And it's hard.

And no one teaches you how to deal with these things. The thing is, it's so hard just going through that, let alone having to literally have an online presence and having all that on the side as well. That adds a lot of pressure to you. And I think you going to therapy is such a good thing for you to do because like that's it's not normal to go through these things like these events in our lives no and yeah and a lot of emotions I've started therapy which guys we're

gonna talk about in the next episode yeah I'm I'm positive that's gonna help I think it will absolutely so yeah okay well a little synopsis. Little insight to the personal life of me. Come here, you. I hope you enjoyed it. If you can't see. I didn't. Oh, joking.

I actually, do you know what? It's actually hard to talk about it. I'm just happy that you're back. I'm happy that you're. Do I still seem like me? Oh my God, of course. So I'm really scared that I've lost myself. No, oh my God, don't. That actually makes me really sad. I'm me? Oh my God, of course. Because I'm really scared that I've lost myself. No, oh my God, don't,

because that actually makes me really sad. I'm like, oh my God, what if I'm a different person and no one likes me? But that should be the least of your concerns. What we need to worry about is you being happy and healthy and that's literally all that matters. Whether you have changed, whatever, which you haven't by the way,

but whether you have or not, that should not be your concerns. Whether people don't like you have or not that should not be your concerns yeah whether people don't like you or not that should not be your concern yeah okay thank you love you love you too i'm back you're very loved by a lot of people she's back babes she's back so we're gonna end with a quote yeah you go first we love our quotes don't we right i will go first my quote is oh god i'm just gonna get it bear with oh yeah okay this is actually quite relevant to you oh okay not all storms

sorry I don't know whenever I read quotes I always like cringe at myself oh god okay not all storms come to disrupt your life some come to clear your path I love it right

yeah not all storms will disrupt your life okay that's kind of similar to what I was thinking oh is it people are in our life Yeah. Not all storms will disrupt your life. Okay. That's kind of similar to what I was thinking. Oh, is it? People are in our life for a reason, a season, a lesson, or a lifetime. The pain comes when we put them in the wrong category.

Say that again. People are in our life for a reason, a season, a lesson, or a lifetime. The pain comes when we put them in the wrong category. Interesting. That's quite interesting, actually. I truly believe that. Wow, I haven't heard of that quote before. I like it.

I like it. So what season am I in? What season are you in? Hopefully a lifetime. Yeah, I fucking hope so. I'm asking you that question. Of course you're in my life for a lifetime put you in a little hole then

we should get little friendship promise rings yeah we should okay guys well we're gonna end the episode here this is I'm so glad to be back I really am and I'm excited for the episodes to come we're in this new studio yeah we're loving it yeah you guys liking it hey camera I don excited for the episodes to come we're in this new studio yeah we're loving it yeah are you guys liking it

hey camera I don't know which one to look at I don't think you're in this one anyway love you guys make sure you leave

a review you know the drill and we'll see you in the next episode okay bye love you bye bye

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