Real Girls Radio - EP 15: "I never knew I needed therapy" - why therapy is changing our lives

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

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Love this podcast? Support this show through the Acast Supporter feature. It's up to you how much you give and there's no regular commitment. Just hit the link in the show description to support now. Hello and welcome to Real Girls Radio. I'm Millie. And I'm Emma and we are both very normal real girls just like you here to talk about all things health, fitness and navigating your way through this crazy life. We're your new besties. We want you to feel part of our weekly chats and

we're excited to invite you in to our exclusive girl gang. Grab some snacks and chillax whilst we chat. Woo! Yeah. Okay, hey. Hello, guys. Oh, we're back. Welcome back to... What episode are we on now? I think we're 15. Episode 15. Wow.

Season two, episode... Five? No, I think six. Hopefully we don't butcher that. I don't know. But anyway, hello. how are we all? Today's episode and topical episode is gonna be very topical. Extremely.

For us, especially. When I shared the fact that I was going to therapy and I started therapy on my Instagram, the amount of people who were either saying, oh my God, congratulations, I did therapy, best thing I've ever done. Or there are a lot of people who are saying like, I'd love to do therapy, but I don't know where to start.

I don't know where to begin. I don't know how to find my therapist. I don't know who's good, what sort of therapy. There's like so much to it. And I think I was probably in like a fortunate position. Sorry, we're going straight into this one. Let's get straight into it. We'll do the flop and fly eventually.

We get going girl. You're on a roll. You literally asked me how are you and how is this it's a therapy session happening right now guys I'm ready hit me I've actually lost track of my thinking I don't know what I was saying you you were saying you're in quite a fortunate position okay this is this is okay the sentence will end after this and then we can go into our fights um I was in a very fortunate position where I had a housemate anna who had gone to therapy for a long time and so she directed me and i've actually got her therapist

which is quite interesting we'll talk about that in the episode um so that's how i started that's how i found my therapist oh so i think that's really good definitely it can help knowing people and having contacts yeah where i was going with that was that a lot of people are interested yeah and a lot of people are very much like wanting to wanting to be proactive with sign therapy definitely this is why I think this episode is gonna be really helpful and also I can definitely relate because I have touched on my mental health quite a lot on my Instagram stories over the past few months um as I've been struggling with my mental health and i always get a lot of messages and comments regarding mental health and other people resonating and feeling the same and

just genuinely saying they wish people spoke about it more openly and were more real about it so i think and i hope this episode can be very relatable to a lot of people and hopefully helpful for us to talk about our own experiences, what we do to help ourselves and our experiences with therapy. Yeah, and disclaimer, we aren't professionals. We are not professionals and we are not experts in this. Just talking about our own experiences.

Just a couple of real girls talking about it. Just real girls on the radio. So let's go with our flop and fly. Okay, you go first. What's your flop? Did I go for this last time? No, time no i did okay i'll go first this time my flop is okay this is quite it's quite a bad flop as in it's it's a flop that is occurring a lot of time like okay it's a flop that's occurring regularly so i'm getting in this tiktok hole t TikTok hole, right? Can I just say, I hate TikTok, but okay.

So you can't relate. No, I can't relate. What's the hole? God, the hole is the TikTok. The black hole of TikTok. So you get into the black hole of TikTok. This is the one reason why I refuse to get into the TikTok hype.

I don't, I think, actually, I think I know why I'm getting into it a lot recently is because I'm acknowledging my emotions a lot recently is because i am i'm acknowledging my emotions a lot more so i think the way to distract myself is this tiktok hole right and it's getting a lot and it's actually really making me feel very unproductive in my days and i'm wasting a lot of time on it and that in itself is really bad for your mental health i know it's good that you're acknowledging that yeah because you can now work on it i know so what are you consuming when you go through this my algorithm is very different i've got dogs on there i've got mental health stuff on there i've

got stupid dancers on there i've just got trends and you just and i just you know it's so easy it's because like it's just one flick yeah of the finger flicker of my thumb and then that's why it's so easy because it's just like you want to stop but you can't yeah just keep going and going and going deeper deeper have you watched that netflix show on how social media i forgot the name of it but it's how social media is quite literally so much science and money is invested into how to make it addictive oh absolutely there's a lot of psychology behind it for sure like it's designed to make you not want to get off of it yeah yeah absolutely because that's how these companies making money it's like with anything food is designed to you don't want to stop make it more palatable to make you

addicted to it it's an addictive thing thing. It is a nasty place. But at least we're acknowledging that. Okay, so what are you gonna do to make that flop into a fly? To make that flop into a fly, I could either make my algorithm very positive and very informative, which is probably unlikely, or just put your phone down

but that's what's the hard thing yeah it's like you you know what i think it is it's like i'll just flick to the next one and then that's it and you flick to the next one and you're like okay no i'll just flick to the next one and do you know what's also hard i guess in a way it is partly associated to work because yeah that's the day of the time you have to looking you have to look for trends and audios that you can then you utilize to make your own content which is work that's literally why I go on it so it's finding that borderline between what's work and what's being unproductive and wasting time so maybe you right I've got an idea okay what you need to do is schedule

in like two to three times in the day where you spend like literally five to ten minutes researching tiktok for trends and like set yourself a timer and go on it like three times a day so then you're you're still doing it and getting those like creative insights but you're not like hopelessly yelling through and ending up in the black hole yeah I was done yeah okay I get you one thing as well which is where my weak spot is is when I get to bed at night it's like a comfort things like for some people they like to read a book some people they like to do whatever I like to score through check talk it's a comfort so it's like because also I think when you're about to sleep yeah that's when you're in your

thoughts all your thoughts are running around in your head and sometimes i don't know about you but i get a lot of reoccurring thoughts the same thoughts as soon as i hit my head on the pillow it's the same thoughts that come in my head i'm not going to go into it because it's obviously personal stuff but it's it's literally consuming so the way to stop myself from thinking those things is to literally go on tiktok i think what you need to do then because that has become a habit now yeah you the best way to break a bad habit is to replace that habit with a new habit so you need to find something in replacement of that before you go to bed i need to like read yeah but if you're not into reading that's going to be too hard to replace it so you need to do something that isn't too

difficult yeah i think i'm going to listen to a book because i think i'm someone who likes listening i don't really consume much information when i'm literally reading it because i think i'm dyslexic so i think listening to things is a lot easier for me so i think i'm gonna have to get audible yeah the audio maybe you could even because i know you're quite like a like an active person you like to do things you could like write or draw whilst you're listening to an audiobook okay oh i could draw like flowers yeah i'm really bad at drawing though because it's probably gonna like remind myself of how shit i am. Practice makes perfect. Okay.

Leave TikTok alone. Leave TikTok. Why was it even invented? Like it's actually annoying. People are just becoming so reserved and taken away from real life. And just living in this virtual world of TikTok. No, it's scary.

Okay, so. Flop and fly for you. What was your fly? My fly my fly oh i started therapy oh yeah that's a fly okay well we'll talk about that in the exit yeah that was quite relevant you know yeah uh okay so my flop is i i had a bin incident oh it was nasty so basically there were some bins in my shed that I wasn't aware about in your shed yeah all right and why weren't you aware about them long story you didn't put them there no just a long story okay we won't go into it I want to know the details so these bins in my shed had been there for a while and I wasn't aware so I went to pick them up little did I know they were infested with maggots

um sorry that's probably a bit too much for your ears so I had like a maggot infested shed with all these bins and you know I'm a single girl now so I said I'm gonna have to deal with this by myself so I started putting the bin bags in my car oh you I saw this on your story this is actually stupid this is actually stupid my sister was like Emma what are you doing get them out of your car now so I put the maggot bin bags back into the shed. And then I just took the bins that I could take into the car without the maggots. How do you know which ones were maggots? Because you could see them everywhere.

That's actually awful. So then I drove my car to the tip. It was actually my first time ever going to the tip. Adult things. Adult things. And, yeah. It was actually my first time ever going to the tip. Adult things. Adult things. And yeah, that was just my flop. That was a big flop. So you didn't get maggots in the car?

No, there were no maggots in the car, but my car smelled disgusting. Ew. It actually makes me cry. Yeah, it was not nice. But I feel like we're on a roll of turning our flops into flies. So anyway, I'll turn that flop into a fly

because I went to the shop and I bought a really nice smelling air freshener for my car. And it smells so lovely. And now every time I get into my car, I'm like. Smells really like change the mood. Oh my God, they do. Bad smelling or good smelling, it just changes the game. I don't know if it's an adult thing,

but as I've got older i have i appreciate fragrances and candles so much i think it is an adult thing i wonder so i listened to the other podcast and it's like they talk about pheromones have you had a pheromones pheromones isn't that where like females periods sink and then they can go on their period no no no no maybe it could be related oh no no it's where someone's smell and and then like can come on their period at the same time. No, no, no, no, no. Maybe it could be related. Oh, no, no. It's where someone's smell. And then it instantly attracts the guy. It's like, oh, I smell that pheromone. Everyone has their own personal pheromone.

Yes, but we can't smell it. Why did I think that was something to do with like... There must be something else to do with that. I think it's got a similar name. Oh my God, I'm embarrassed. I've just messed it up. No, I mean, I wouldn't be embarrassed i'm gonna google it i'm gonna google it yeah to be fair you do know your terms and words quite well actually i'm a little bit surprised you haven't got that one we need to go back to the word of the day we do why haven't we done that god we're still oh and my fly oh shout out sam if you're not sad sam

and then my fly what's your fly oh that was your fly smells no because that was just a fly from the flop my my separate fly it's that i'm here and i'm back you're back you're back and i i feel more myself now plucked up the courage to come back and she's here i'm here we're back in motion oh and another fly is that i i've released my empower journal oh yes i'm excited to use this yeah another fly is you got sunflowers and millie bought me sunflowers so many flies it's great day oh my god it's quite funny though because maggots turn into flies

oh my god there's too many flies i don't like it okay so should we get into the episode let's get into the episode right so we're gonna talk we haven't really got too much of a plan it's just gonna be an open honest conversation yeah about our own experiences and like what we find helps us deal with our mental health struggles and a little bit about our experiences with therapy i think it's really hard like i'm gonna go straight in I think it's go straight in fucking hard my first session how many sessions have you had I've had therapy in the past oh interesting when I was younger yeah and I have started again I've only had two sessions oh okay so it's very you've you've had you know past experience I guess that's you know guess. You kind of know what to expect when you're going into it.

Yeah. Because I had no idea. Like, it's quite funny because I did psychology at uni. I did three years. Well, I also did it at A-levels as well. So I knew on paper and in theory so much about therapy and so much about our minds and what therapists do, like what their protocol is and stuff.

And this is actually probably one of the things that was stopping me from going to therapy because I thought that I, because I knew what they were gonna say, I knew what their next step was in the therapy process. Like I was like, you can't kind of trick my brain because I know what you're doing. Do you know what I mean?

It's really hard to explain it. It's kind of like you wouldn't be able to get hypnotized by a person who hypnotizes you. Yeah, I guess that is, yeah. Or like a magician wouldn't be able to do a trick on you. On another magician, yeah. Calling myself a magician or a therapist. I'm definitely not a therapist.

But I completely get what you mean. It's like I'm hesitant to let another online coach coach me on my own. Yeah, yeah, I guess that is the same thing. So that was one thing that was really stopping me but then I just came to realize like I can't be my own therapist you know I'm I'm to be honest I'm very surprised I've got through what I've got through without therapy but I think there comes a point where like yeah I may have got through like the physical weight gain

and overcoming my own little things but I think there's a lot of inner work that I need to do from my childhood and a lot of things that I have just suppressed and I probably a lot of things I didn't don't even realize that I've suppressed and I think I'm coming more to terms with my people-pleasing habits and you know my my relationship things like there's a lot, a lot that I need to just unravel. And I think when you know more about yourself, you come to accept yourself more as well. Definitely.

So I just thought, fuck it, I'm gonna do it. Oh, I'm proud of you because it is a big step and it's scary at first. So scary, people make it look so easy. Yeah. I don't know why, like I just see people say that they go to therapy and they just say it like it's you know going to the shops i'm like you never really you never told me how

hard this is gonna be like i the first session i i sat with her she's really really sweet and she um she just basically said how i was can i can i just ask and see everyone else knows um it's online isn't it this is online yeah oh yeah yeah so this is online do you do yours online google me yeah yeah okay yeah so i have this like other i don't know what it is it's like yeah um so we do it like kind of on zoom and i'm in my room and she just asked me like how i am and then there's only so much i can say when i'm like you know how are you and when it's a very open question. Yeah, isn't it? Where do you start?

Where do you start and where do you end? So I was just, didn't really know what to say. And then I feel like as humans, we're conditioned to respond with, yeah, yeah, fine, when someone says, how are you? Even if we're having the worst day of our life, like you're not gonna be like, oh, well actually, I just,

I feel like I'm about to cry myself. Yeah, literally. Even though you know that that's what you're there for, you still are a bit reluctant on opening up, especially on the first session. And because I think obviously how, I mean, a lot of therapist technique is to just allow pauses

so that you can think more and like talk more. So there were a lot of pauses and I felt really uncomfortable. And then I think it was about 20 minutes in and I just went I just opened up like I just said everything that was on in my head it could be things that were just flashbacks from my childhood that just popped up in my head and there was like so much going on and I was just literally word vomit like so much coming out and I just found myself like sobbing I couldn't get my words out because of, you know, when you're just crying so much and you're like,

you can't get your breath. And I was like, at the end of the session, I was absolutely exhausted. And I didn't really know where that all came from. Cause I was like, before I went into the session, I felt fine. And then it's like, all that comes up and I'm like, shit, there is a lot that I am actually subconsciously

suppressing every day. I don't realize that I'm doing it. And I think so many people don't realize. This is why a lot of people think that, oh, I don't need therapy because on paper they're fine. And I also think a lot of people are put off therapy because they might do one or two sessions and think this is awful, this is horrible.

Like I can't do this, it's not nice. But it's like, you have to work through that to actually get the benefits it's like that quote like the day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit it's like you have to grow and wait through the process to actually see the positive change yeah for sure because I actually said to my friend who also started therapy but then she did she did one session and she didn't like it. And I said to her, I was like, there are so many factors as to why you probably don't like that.

One of them is you don't like feeling your emotion because she's a very cold person. She's not very emotional. So when emotions do come up, she doesn't like it. She switches off. She pushes it away, which is obviously the whole problem in itself. The second thing, probably why she didn't like it it is because she didn't find the right therapist for her because i think that's so important like you want to be able to feel comfortable and like to

open up with the person that you're talking to that you want it to be a safe space yeah so there are lots of different reasons and i was like quite disappointed that she literally stopped after the one session because she was so close at planting that seed yet she just pulled away and I was like you're so close like you need to just push through and so I told her that I went to therapy and I told her that I cried so much and she was like oh god are you gonna continue and I was like absolutely like that is a no-brainer like this is amazing that I've cried on the first session even the therapist was like blown away that was my first session so do you have these weekly every week every Wednesday and how many have you had one oh you've had one she was literally

shocked that I that was my first one because I just gave all the information to her not obviously not all of it because there's so much more but I just really opened up okay so what like led you to actually finally reach out was there like a was there like a moment or was it like a build-up an accumulation of like things happening I think or was it like you were struggling with so I wasn't actually struggling like I'm I've I'm the happiest I've ever been. And when I said that I was going to therapy to my mum, she instantly was like, oh my God, are you okay? Like what's going on?

What's changed? I was like, nothing's changed. I just think it's been such a long time coming. And I finally plucked up the courage to do it. Cause I think, like I said, you don't need to, you don't need to feel the absolute worst to get help. Like you should really get help before you feel the absolute worst.

And I think I have gone through a lot in my childhood, which over time I'm realizing more and more about, and I knew like therapy was gonna be inevitable, but I just didn't know when I was ready. And I think the past year I've always been ready, especially like with Anna, she goes to therapy all the time. So that's like definitely opened up the doors

a bit more for me. I'm like, oh, okay. Like, I guess if she can do it, I can do it. I've like kind of, you know, seen her come out of therapy sessions, been alongside her all the time. So it's like definitely helped me maybe get that one step closer

to the thought of going to therapy. But the main thing that was stopping me was finding the right one so this is why good you had a good connection yeah yeah yeah yeah this is definitely why like i just thought i'm not like some people may disagree having the same therapist as like your best friend and i was very hesitant because i was like what if this because obviously this therapist knows both of us now. Like, I don't want her to bring in maybe some things from Anna's therapy sessions into mine subconsciously. But I think I really trust her.

Like she said to me, she was like, she wouldn't do this. She wouldn't allow this if she wasn't gonna be professional about it. And like, if she didn't think that it wasn't gonna help us. So I'm optimistic about it um oh i'm proud of you yeah i just think there was a lot of things that i've experienced in my

life and i just know that i had to just i have to i don't know talk about it process it yeah because i think a lot of childhood things i don't know how much i want to go into it really i don't think i've yeah i have spoken about it a bit actually in the first episode but like daddy issues yeah yeah so i think it's very obvious that there were a lot of things that i had um experience as a kid and even like as a teenager which yeah just told me that I needed to go therapy basically yeah I think I think it would be great for you I really do what about you so I've had okay I'll backtrack when I was younger I from the age of like 12 to probably 18 I had a um a counselor um i had therapy and a social worker and i was meeting them every single week social worker as well yeah therapy social worker and a counselor

and my social worker would come in school uh to see me my counselor would pick me up from school once a week and then I would have therapy every other week this what it wasn't happening for the whole duration of these years but from I started having this from the age of like 12 until I was like 18 yes really that's a lot for a young kid i i was very young and i was diagnosed with um depression and i'm just gonna say it depression and psychosis and i was on a lot of um medication for this when i was younger and the therapy when i it helped a. And my biggest goal when I was younger was to get off my medication because I just didn't wanna have it forever

and rely on it. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with taking it. And I think it's extremely helpful for some people, but I don't think it's a long-term strategy forever. Like you wanna use it to help you get back to a place where you can then focus on the other things to help with your mindset and your mental health um but yeah it was a really big achievement for me when I actually stopped having therapy and counseling when I was younger and I have felt like I have needed it for a while but I've been so apprehensive and hesitant to go back to it because of my my

previous experience and how like happy I was when I stopped therapy because I was like oh my god like I'm I'm better like I don't need it anymore so I kind of like subconsciously felt like it was a regression so you think it was a weakness to go to therapy yeah but it's not at all it's not but a lot of that's like a very stereotypical way of thinking i think it's easy to think that because you think therapy you're you're sad that you're depressed like it's just this these instant very quick thoughts that people think but it's literally the opposite yeah and i'll say now like i'm i'm not struggling with depression or low mood or anything like that my my issues are they're very physical I struggle really badly with anxiety panic attacks and recurring nightmares which

it sounds like trauma it yeah it can be life it can be consuming PTSD I'm just going to diagnose you here yeah I mean it might be I've only had a couple of therapy sessions but it's been very eye-opening and it's made me realize it's very needed oh yeah for different reasons to what I had when I was younger so I think it's been good for me to go to therapy because it's made me realize like what you have previously struggled with in the past like you can then struggle with a completely different mental illness or mental health problem which is completely separate to that and so you can't kind of like tie the two together and that's what I was doing I was just putting myself into a

bracket and being like oh I'm weak I need to go back there again but no it's not a weakness it actually is a sign of strength to reach out for help absolutely and I'm so proud of myself yeah I'm very proud and I like you like I feel really positive about talking to someone about it and already they've given me a lot of help um and I think sometimes you just need someone else to tell you yeah you do because you know it in your head it's a lot of like self-doubt that we have that we just need some sort of confirmation or reassurance that we're either going in the right direction or like we're not invalid our feelings aren't you know we are heard we are listened to yeah

it's a big thing for me like i never felt like i was seen or heard always very much like ignored like everything wasn't like everything I just felt invalid yeah the whole time so I think this journey for me is for her to reassure that me that that's not the case and like there are so many things that I should be I don't know feel valid for yeah I guess I don't know what would you say is like one thing you've really like you come out of therapy and it's one thing that you you've really learned like it's a big thing that you've you've learned she my therapist has definitely taught me the importance of having a plan for your mental health like I'm all about having a training plan and like you know like with my clients like meal plans and structure and like

you know training and stuff like it's made me realize like you also need to do that and you need routines and structure for your mental health um so she's taught me a lot about having like a short-term medium-term and long-term plan for like therapy and steps to getting better essentially yeah um so that has been really eye-opening but then like like what I was saying the a lot of the time time you just need to hear it from someone else to actually action it. The tips she's been giving me for the short term, the importance of a strong, good bedtime routine

and spending time alone doing things that make you happy and journaling and things that like i know myself and i like encourage my clients to do and stuff but like it's so hard to actually do it yourself yeah so having someone else tell you and remind you of the benefits of doing so can be so powerful like because it makes you do it yeah you can't just talk to talk talk the talk you need to walk the walk would you say that you've opened up a lot to her in those two sessions no do you find it hard to open up to her yeah is it her yeah it's her why do you find that i don't i think it's because i'm still trying to process a lot but um i i think right now i'm just trying to get like imminent tips and help to help you manage your day to day.

Because being completely real, like I've been having frequent panic attacks and it's horrible. Like you can't control your breathing. Like it's really scary because even though you know you're not going to die, like it can feel like you're going to have a heart attack. Has she... This is a weird question, but has she spoken about the wardrobe analogy? No. Interesting.

Would you like to talk about the wardrobe analogy? That's what I learnt in uni. So basically, when we were learning about like therapy and like different techniques and stuff there's this certain therapy for like people with people who have panic disorder or like ptsd and basically this wardrobe analogy i'm probably gonna butcher it again for fuck's sake but basically what happens is in this wardrobe you've got this event that's happened in your life or events that's happening in your life life that can create these flashbacks and panic attacks and very traumatic experiences.

And what happens is we just put them in the wardrobe. We just shove them in. The wardrobe is all disorganized. We just shove it in, just put it away. We'll go to that some other time in our lives, but we're just not gonna do that now. We just need to ignore it. And so what these therapists do is like,

you open up the wardrobe, it's all this mess and you're like, oh my God, I need to sort this out. And you just take all these clothes down and everything. And then like with each hanger, you put like a jumper on or something, which is basically signifies like a memory or something. You're gonna put it on the rail and that is you processing that hanger and that's like okay that is stored there perfectly

fine like it's away it's not in my present i'm not wearing it and you put it away and you put it away you're not wearing it you're just putting it away yeah and it's not disorganized it's all organized it's all there and you can go back to it whenever like it's always disorganized, it's all organized, it's all there. And you can go back to it, like it's always gonna be there, but what the main thing is, it's like you've put it away and it's closed, like the doors are closed now and you're gonna get on with your life

and go to the shops or whatever, like it's just put away. I mean, she might bring that up because that definitely resonates with me. Yeah. So it's basically like the whole point of it is that you have to just confront it to process it, but then you can put it back so it's basically like the whole point of it is that you have to just confront it to process it yeah but then you can put it back it's fine yeah like once you process

it it's not gonna be stuck with you forever it's just and having that therapy helps you actually do that process yeah but i definitely think like i know for a fact i have suppressed and put away so many of things that have happened in my life because my therapist has told me that's definitely why it's coming out in my nightmares yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's in your subconscious it's like almost giving me like some weird like fear of falling asleep oh god yeah i can imagine i have the same nightmare three or four times a week and it it's so real like i can't explain to you how real it feels would you say like even thinking about it now is it's scary anxiety provoking yeah and like the weird thing is in this nightmare when i when i dream it i wake up in the nightmare but i'm still in a dream

so it's really hard for me to distinguish whether you're actually woken up or if again you're just dreaming yeah yeah no I so relate with that I so relate with that and then when you do wake up you're like you have to just check certain things because you're like did that actually happen yeah and that is actually when it's really scary because it does it can come into your life yeah even though it's just a dream yeah i guess yeah like your therapist said like that i guess that's a way of you processing whatever it is that you're needing to process is but it's in your dreams yeah so it's a lot but i think going to therapy is definitely going to help yeah and like mental health and like looking after mental health is something that is so close and personal and passionate like I'm so passionate

about it um I lost my uncle last year due to suicide and that was such a shock because he was such a happy bubbly person and it like it breaks my soul to know that he must have been struggling so much inside and just felt like he couldn't talk about it or acknowledge it and I just feel so passionate about talking about it to normalize it because no one should feel ashamed or embarrassed or feel like they can't reach out for help because help is always there and it can always get better so I think people need to talk about more and like I used to feel embarrassed about talking about it but I don't now because I think I think everyone has their own mental health struggles and everyone struggles with it in some way whether you realize it or not i think anyone can benefit from taking time out to invest in their mental

health whether that is therapy or you know going to speak to a friend or family member or journaling or doing up doing something to talk and open up is like the best thing you can do really is a problem shared is a problem halved oh it really is this is quite an interesting thing because i saw this on instagram i'm not gonna say who but i basically saw someone say that people need to stop glamorizing poor mental health basically like all right yeah so like this is why i was like wait how do you glamorize i think he she was trying to basically say that a lot of people i don't know like i think a lot of people on social media now talk about their mental health and i think he she was saying that it's a way of glamorizing it like it's a way of getting views

or something and it really really hit enough it really did hit enough because there's nothing glamorous about that i don't understand i think it's like i think what they might be talking about is when you know like the movies and like some things on social media can portray therapy to be like a very bougie like oh you're going to see my therapist and like like posh like therapy room which you know in reality it's not that it's like uh you're sat at home on a google me to openly talking about your struggles obviously there's lots of different forms of therapy but i mean i i can see like why they might turn that as maybe like seeing it as a trend i get okay so how i'm seeing it now it's like weight gain. No one's speaking about weight gain. Absolutely no one.

Obviously, it's a hard thing. It's like for a lot of people, it's coming from a background of an eating disorder. Yeah. And maybe now weight gain is some sort of trend that you see on Instagram or like a lot of people are kind of using it as a way to gain followers.

Like, I don't know. But I guess maybe that could be a a glamorizing aspect of talking about mental health but i still do think like it doesn't take away the fact that they are still going through that yeah i do you mean yeah i think that's i just didn't agree with it when i read it because then it made me think like what can i not talk about my mental health on my instagram like is that me glamorizing it and i was really overthinking it and i was like i just want to help people here yeah it's it's really difficult because you know you never know there might be people using it to you know in a way just talk about something and jump on a trend if that's the thing i'm not really aware of this but you know

some people might just be trying to help other people and just talk about it to normalize it, or even just talking about it out loud on their social media might help them deal with it. So I just think each to their own, do what you wanna do. As long as you're not pressured or- You're not pressured and you're not putting a negative spin on it and making other people feel bad. Oh God, no. Well, that's the thing.

Even his saying that made me feel bad. And i think we spoke about this in the other episode but you should like i have a problem with doing this you should never discredit yourself and what you're struggling with yeah just because other people might be going through something worse like i i think that's so true like yeah you should never feel guilty for wanting to focus more on your mental health or reach out for help even if you deep down think you don't have it that bad yes you think other people have it worse so like it's wrong of you to reach out like I don't think that definitely in fact I've actually um my company have actually partnered or started um working with another company called spill and it's incredible it's an incredible company who basically offer

the employees in your company therapists and counseling and very good you know someone to talk to so like my team now have open access to the therapists and counselors and people who just they want to have a chat to about mental health and everyone's been using it and has seen such positive impacts from it and that just goes to show like no one really feels like they need it until they've had it and then they can see the benefits oh absolutely i think when it's easily accessible like that yeah anyone will take it for sure so how did you find your therapist mine is through the company we've partnered right okay interesting yeah so you basically like we we use slack so we just um yeah reach out to someone

through that oh that's really good but like i really recommend it like this is obviously not affiliated at all like we pay for ourselves but if you're a company or an employer or even if you work for a company who you think might you know benefit from that it's a great company also um if you're not in a company and just like me who has no idea where to begin a lot of you guys on my instagram have um said better help is really good which i actually did partner with them like in a youtube video i don't know a couple months ago and this isn't an ad but this is just saying like better help basically is like this platform where you can choose therapists you can like see therapists you see their profiles and everything so like it's just makes it a lot more easy for you to see which one you want to go with yeah and everything and

there's another website i think it's called mind oh mind i'm just gonna double check that quickly oh yeah so we have like an a to z glossary of all the different disorders they also have lots of like helplines and like resources that you can utilize that's really good um wow but anyway i think we should talk about things that we personally do and utilize ourselves obviously not as like experts but just like from a personal perspective what we find helps us with our mental health for me genuinely journaling yeah it's one of the best things like for for someone who's never done it before it can feel really weird and foreign to just like get some paper and like write down your thoughts like effort oh it's so much effort to do but actually it you will gain so much

benefit you are just doing a mind dump brain dump you know I think is quite funny um I think in this day and age journaling can feel a little bit like old-fashioned because you're you're writing with a pen and I don't know about you but like I never never pick up a pen, literally never. I'm always typing, always on the phone, always, you know, there's always a keyboard. So like when I'm journaling and I'm writing with a pen, it's like, God, this is taking ages.

Like my brain is a lot quicker than my hand. So sometimes that puts me off, but when I'm doing it, it's great. Like I'm loving it. It's very therapeutic. Yeah, either doing a brain dump or if you're lost on where to start you can get like actual journals that have prompts or yeah that's good you can just go on pinterest

and google journal prompts and copy those that's what i do oh okay yeah i've actually come across some of those and just write write down it's it's really helpful another thing that i do is like clean declutter organize i love this like that's my default i always do that yeah i think it's because of um that saying like messy environment messy brain or if like if you've got if you've got a tidy environment yeah that's going to represent itself in the hell my yeah yeah maybe the marigolds yeah maybe get the marigolds out maybe not get the marigolds maybe not like straight away like a crazy person like channel clean get the dice on out but no like i do find even if it's just like a little bit of a mooch around yeah just doing a

bit of cleaning i kind of do a deep clean you know i get I get I get deep into the bath toilet I get deep into that toilet I'm literally everywhere I'm literally on my hands and knees like on the kitchen floor like yeah but you always feel like so much better after I love it I love it I do when I'm like um hungover as well yeah Jasmine does that whenever she's hung over like she just gets us yeah clean i just feel really productive um i also find that if i'm having like a really anxious down day and i'm feeling like really like low about myself just like taking a bit of extra time to make myself feel good and like you know do my hair and makeup pretty and like feel just feel good about myself like go see friends like get outside in nature like go for a walk do things that make you happy with people

who make you feel alive yeah that's true you don't you don't want to surround yourself with people who drain you or you don't want to isolate yourself too much there's a fine line between spending time by yourself to you and have that alone time. But then there's a fine line between isolating yourself and keeping away from other people when actually you need other people around you to boost you up sometimes. I find it, see, I find it hard to find that balance

because after my first therapy session like I said I was absolutely exhausted like I never ever ever ever ever get headaches I can't even tell you like I just don't get headaches at all don't know what I feel like this was the first headache I felt after this therapy session I was like what the hell is going on my head I felt it like behind my like eye sockets and in my jaw like everything was aching I was just exhausted and I thought I don't want to do anything today I don't want to see anyone and and then I was thinking that when it got to the evening I was like because I was invited out for dinner and also by another friend I was invited to go like to this like darts thing which was so I had two

events that I then turned down because I just thought I don't want to go like I want to have my own and I don't know if that's because I was you know anxious and sad and low and I just wanted to be my own little bubble or if that was actually just me needing needing it and self-loving self-care I think you just need to be careful not to do it all the time like you know one off like a few a few nights, fine. But if you catch yourself like over weeks and weeks and weeks, like declining invitations. And like saying no to things

and just like locking yourself away. Then I think, you know, you need to be around people who love you and who bring you up. I think I definitely got in that hole, like probably during lockdown. And then it was like when people were coming out of lockdown and I was like, I think, cause got in that hole, like probably during lockdown. And then it was like when people were coming out of lockdown and I was like, I think,

cause I found this routine of, obviously this new routine in lockdown, you're not surrounded by lots of people. So I was definitely in that hole and I found it really hard to get out of it. But once you are out of it, you realize, oh my God, it's so much better. Like you do have more fun

when you're spending time with people, like when you've got that balance. But yeah, when I spoke to my therapist, I'm not gonna go deep into it, obviously, but one of the things that was really getting to me was I find it really hard to reply to people on my WhatsApp. Like, find it so, so hard. I don't know what it is, but I'm just like,

I can't physically do it sometimes. You procrastinate. I do this too. I feel really bad when I do it to you. No, I do it to you as well know I do it to you as well like it gives me severe anxiety yeah yeah yeah what's up I feel like I'm letting my family and friends down and like the people who are closest to me down and it got it really there was one time where I felt so so low and disappointed in myself is when I basically messed up my day and I double booked and I was meant to see my friends but I had

another thing that I had to go to and I just completely double booked like I was just so clueless with what I was doing in my day like I was really all over the place and one of my friends said that they were disappointed and that literally like like it broke me like a dagger in my heart really was like awful after that. And I told my therapist and she was like, they're probably just sad that they couldn't see you. They're not disappointed in you as a person. Cause I obviously took that as really personal.

And when I was, cause I was already feeling like I was letting my family, friends down. That was like confirmation to me. And she was basically saying like, obviously no, blah, blah, blah. And that's another thing that I'm trying to get over. Like finding the balance between being a people pleaser, but also putting myself first and having boundaries.

And I think that's another thing that's going to be really tricky to try and learn. Because I keep saying yes to everything. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And that's probably why I overbooked. Because I was like, I was just literally doing so much. And I still am. But I'm like, I was just literally doing so much and I still am, but I'm trying to just start saying no to things. Not because I don't wanna see them,

but because I literally just need time for myself. Yeah. So, I think a lot of people probably struggle with the whole WhatsApp, getting back to friends and family. But it's just a lot. It's just a lot. On top of like your work and like your day to day and then just like doing at home, like your laundry and like cleaning. Yeah, your day to day and then just like doing at home like your laundry

and like cleaning. Yeah just day to day, washing your hair and like doing your makeup, getting ready doing the fundamental parts of your day to day life a job, fitness, training eating. Yeah there's just so much going on. And then also having to reply to everyone. And then DMs

as well. We have to like remember like we're lucky to have friends and family so then you feel guilty because you're like oh god i know the last thing i want to do is push people away because i'm not replying but i keep saying like to all my friends i'm like just so you know like it's not just you it's yeah it's not just you it's me and and i may not you it's me yeah classic line but also, like, just because I'm not replying frequently does not mean that I'm not thinking about you, does not mean that I don't care about you. Like, I, we're just as close.

Yeah. It's just the fact that I can't, I can't. Do you know what? I think so many people have this problem. Yeah. I genuinely think a lot of you guys listening right now. None of my friends do. They're really quick with replies. But you know what it is though but you know what it is it's probably because their job is well I mean all their jobs are like nine to five hours jobs and I think it's

so different with us because our job is our phone yeah so being on our phone is a chore in itself so replying to whatsapp is a very similar method of replying to emails or at the end of the day after like computer emails like editing phone instagram like posting yeah reply like you just get off your phone yeah exactly that voice notes is the key voice note i'm a sucker for voice note. I fucking love voice notes. What did we get on that note? What did we say again? Oh, we were talking about things that help us. Oh, Christ, yeah.

How did I get onto that? I don't know. Really do chat away, don't I? Things that help me, walking, love. Yes. Love a walk. Like, I just love the scenic walk. Like, I don't like walking amongst concrete. No.

I like walking along the river. Yeah. You go to all the parks in London. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, I envy people who live in London. I love it. Because there are so many beautiful parks. Charges me up.

I just become a new person. I'm quite lucky where I live because I live in the countryside. Yeah, you're lovely. So like it's nice. There's a bunny rabbit field right next to my house. Oh my God, stop. I hope they're not going to be there to be killed or anything.

No. No? No. They're very quick to run away. As soon as you get into the field, they're like. So it's a farm? No. It's just a field.

But it's full of bunny rabbits. I thought it was like an organized. No, like wild bunny farm, you know. Oh, okay. Oh, that's cute. But I definitely find exercise, moving, walking, training. I love cooking. It helps me so much.

Cooking. I really do love baking. My Millie's cookies. Okay, what's your, like, best bake to date? I think I'm a, I keep saying a sucker again. I don't know why I keep saying that. I'm a sucker for it. It's very American.

I'm a sucker for, yeah, it is, isn't it? I love a cake, like a lemon drizzle. Oh, nice for I love a cake Like a lemon drizzle I love that so much Are you still making a sourdough? Why? Guys Sandra died She died

I killed Sandra You look really emotional No because Sandra was so close. Babe. I shouldn't have brought out the sourdough. Guys I'm crying. I'm crying. Oh god. No Sandra died. Right you're gonna have to do a bit of explaining here to people who are like, what

is going on? I've just been a bad mum. I've been a bad mum. I killed her. It's when I went to LA. It's when I went travelling. Oh my god, yeah, I came back and... You're going to have to explain who Sandra is to the to the girls who are like what is this going about right now I forget I forget that people don't know who Sandra is okay Sandra and um she she basically was the the baby to every sourdough life that i created every week every sunday sunday sourdough yeah um so basically every sunday i would make my sourdough from my starter called sandra there's no sourdough so sourdough is done right sandra's out i'm so sorry she's gone that up it was quite a traumatic time i really felt like i'd let let sandra down i did and i let my followers down because there's no more sourdough content but doesn't mean it's

the end no i think i'm gonna go to gail's i'm gonna get a starter again call her sally bring it back nice and bring another new chapter of sourdough back yeah i'm sorry for bringing that emotion up i wasn't expecting that response so baking helps you feel better it helps me feel better when I don't kill or burn things. I also think like eating nutritious foods like makes me feel comfort eating. I really can't wait. And you comfort eat too. I've recently discovered this. Recently discovered this.

I think a lot of people will relate and resonate to that because comfort emotional eating is so prominent. I never used to be like this and then it's like recently i'm finding myself just eating more and i'm like oh you know i'm like okay cool but why why am i posting my emotion why am i dealing with it this way like it's just quite interesting why it's suddenly switched like this is there certain foods that you like navigate to when you feel like that no not really i think maybe just more like sweet stuff i think it's good that you're aware of that though that you've like just yeah yeah it's like an emotional hunger not like oh yeah yeah because sometimes like going through like

stressful things can actually increase your appetite a lot and then it's actually physical hunger yeah i guess but then for you it's like the opposite yeah literally the opposite so it's quite interesting isn't it i think we need to kind of shut that oh god yeah mental health to sandra sorry guys it's been an emotional roller coaster today i hope you guys have you know still gained something from this episode in terms of like ways that we find help us still with like anxiety and our mental health and also how like it is okay if you're struggling with your mental health and it's okay to not be okay yeah and if you feel like you could benefit from speaking to

someone then just do it because like millie said a problem shared is a problem half and i do think it's really hard to come to terms with the fact that speaking up is going to help you because obviously in the moment it feels very uncomfortable and very like, I don't know, you feel like you're exposing everything about yourself and you think you're probably going to get judged or I don't know, you're going to,

you just feel very uncomfortable when you're speaking about your own problems. But I promise. You've got to grow into it it will help it will help so yeah therapy's great yeah we love therapy would recommend we would recommend okay give us your quote oh my beer rolls popped up guys um my quote so this quote is very very very simple we love a simple quote i do are you ready I'm ready thoughts are not facts sorry I don't mean to laugh that's actually really right it's a very quick it was just how you like

slowly like went up to the microphone thoughts are not facts very true it's just as simple as that they're not facts so don't always believe them i don't know what people think what's yours mine is all endings are also beginnings we just don't know it at the time all endings yeah yeah so when you think like the end of something has happened and you're really upset about something crashing down or ending you need to redirect that and see it as a new beginning one door when one door closes and the door opens and you might you might not feel like it right now yeah but you will look back and think wow that that chapter ending was actually the start of something new yeah love that that's just a high school musical song

start of something new start of something new it feels so right to be here with you yeah all right well i love you guys oh it's funny right we will um see you next time in the next episode. Love you. Bye.