Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill – Ep. #418

Episode Date: March 20, 2017

Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear. Thank you very much. What a crowd. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. What a crowd. What a crowd.

So, big news today. The budget came out from Donald Trump. Isn't that exciting? As far as passing it, he does not have the votes, but that didn't stop him in November. If you want to see the budget, is available in hard copy, PDF, and also through your microwave. I don't know if you know that microwave.

If you hear about that shit, what the fuck? It says at the beginning, Trump says, this was going to free, this budget is going to free the dreams of every American. Because who has not dreamt of getting rid of the EPA? The State Department budget cut by 28%. High-level foreign talks will now just be Rex Tillerson doing a fly-by and giving you the finger.

There you go. And then the budget has $2.6 billion to start building the border wall with Mexico. Oh, wait, wait, that can't be right? Somebody must have mixed up our budget with Mexico's budget because they pay for the wall, right? Yeah, cuts to every social program but billions for the wall. Where have I seen a budget like that before? Oh, yeah, China, 200 BC. Because you know, ladies and gentlemen, we're draining the swamp and we're refilling it with Mountain Dew.

That's the plan. Well, that's the other big news this week. Trump Care, you know, his great plan for health care came out. Good news, it does reduce the deficit. Bad news by taking away everyone's health care. That's... It marginally reduces the deficit while massively increases death for the sick and the poor. Or as the Republicans call it a win-win.

Yeah, they say it's going to kick 24 million people off health insurance. So what they say is if you like your doctor, you can keep a picture of your doctor. And it did not have a good week, the Trump administration. And a federal judge yesterday blocked the Muslim ban two, the second Muslim ban. Trump says, sure, I called it a Muslim ban every day during the campaign, but now it's not. Now it's not a Muslim man. That was my evil twin, Ronald Gump. I, I, I, I, and when somebody pointed out to Trump that there were hours and hours of video calling it a Muslim ban, he said, see, I knew Obama was having me watched.

That's it. I'm done. All right, thank you. Catch all new episodes of real time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch him anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com. Thank you.