Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill – Ep. #421

Episode Date: April 10, 2017

Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear. Thank you, you very kind. O'Reilly having a very rough week. Are you fans of Bill O'Reilly? Yeah, me too. No, we learned this week that he has settled

with five different women over sexual harassment suits. And no one is more disgusted by it than Bill O'Reilly's priest. Today, he said, women? Now Bill O'Reilly denies the allegations. He says, I was just making sure their tits were fair and balanced. That's what all I was... So he's accused of propositioning women and then haranguing them when they rebuffed him and retaliating or what Fox News calls employee outreach.

But, I mean, so now the sponsors have all pulled out on Bill O'Reill. over 50 sponsors, and all the car companies, Heritage.com, everybody. Cialis pulled out. See, Alice. Their slogan is, will you be ready when the moment is right? Which, of course, with Bill sounds more like a threat.

And, of course, it's ironic because this is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. So naturally, the Pussy Grabber in Chief defended Bill O'Reilly. Did you see that, Trump? A harasser defendant. a harasser, or what they call the thin, horny line. Trump gave an interview to the New York Times yesterday. They asked him about the allegations about, you know, Russia and all that.

And he said, fake news, fake news. He said, I would never be involved in a suspicious cover-up. And then he checked his hair. So I, yeah. But he's got a new scapegoat. He's blaming Susan Rice. Susan Rice, who was Obama's national security advisor. See, Trump is confused because she was the national security

She didn't have a truly important title like son-in-law. You know, you've been watching this kid, this Jared Kushner kid. I mean, he's the son-in-law. And apparently he had a big fight with Steve Bannon, who was the other guy who was apparently Trump's brain. And Steve Bannon got removed from the National Security Council now. And Cushner, and apparently Cushner was behind that because apparently Cushner was behind that, because apparently Cushin thinks Bannon brings out Trump's worst qualities,

which raises the question, what are his good quality? And when will we get to see one? That's... But they did have one victory this week. There's going to be a new Supreme Court justice, as of tomorrow, Neil Gorsuch, because the Republicans in the Senate deployed what they call the nuclear option,

John, which is, yes, which is they got rid of the filibuster. And John McCain said yesterday, any senator who supports that is a stupid idiot. And then today he voted for it. So that's the McCain I know and the other McCain I know. As we speak now, Trump is meeting in Mar-a-Lago with the president of China, President Xi, and Xi wants to talk about trade and Taiwan and North Korea. And Trump wants to tell him what he saw last day on Fox News. Yeah, I hope Xi likes the story about the guy who thought he could never get to 270 electoral votes and then got 306.

You know, there's some awkward cultural differences. You know, China for a long time had the one-child policy, and at one point Ivanka came in the room, and Trump said, as he always does, if she wasn't my daughter, I'd date her. And Xi said, if she was my daughter, I'd abort her. So that was cultural bit. But, you know, it's a very tense feeling because during the campaign, Trump was always talking about China in the most derogatory terms. He once made a speech where he said,

Motherfuckers twice. You motherfuckers in China. Yes, that's our president. You motherfuckers. So, you know, Trump is seen as a blustering asshole who doesn't follow up, which is why his nickname in China is orange chicken. Thank you very much.

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