Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill – Ep. #444

Episode Date: November 13, 2017

Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series, Real Time with Bill Maher. Thank you. Free show, huh? Got a free show in the middle of the day. Okay, so any liberals or Democrats here today? Well, it was a big day, Tuesday for the liberals finally, right? A big election day? Did you hear about that? News hounds, huh? Yeah, Republicans got their ass kicked.

I don't want to say Trump was upset, but today Puerto Rico was throwing him paper towels. No, Virginia turned so blue, Kentucky had to give it the Heimlich manoeuvre. This was like the worst Republican beatdown I've seen since, well, whatever happened on Rand Paul's lawn last week. What did happen on Rand Paul's lawn? You know, things are looking so good for the Democrats. Today, Bernie Sanders said he's considering joining the party.

Wow, that's really good. But it was like liberal Christmas, right? It was like liberals suddenly found out that a whole foods had moved next door. No, it's amazing. It's a big win for diversity across America. In fact, we have now elected across America seven trans candidates. And this is all thanks to a president who has taught us that it is okay for men to wear makeup. I think, I'd about a hand for Donald Trump.

This was largely, they say, a vote against Donald Trump, even though he wasn't on the ballot. This was a chance for people across the nation to speak up about how they feel about him after a year of living with him in office. And it was kind of like that moment in Air Force One when Harrison Ford says, get off my plane. And the people who did, they say, are voters in the suburbs.

They have had enough of this. Republicans tried to scare them with immigration rhetoric about Mexicans coming here, and it totally backfired. Turns out suburban white people are much more freaked out about the possibility of having to mow their own lawn. Yeah, this was the new strategy called Trumpism without Trump. And it turns out if you want to win in today's Republican Party, you can't fake being an asshole.

You have to be an authentic asshole. And we know who the authentic asshole is, And he's in Asia right now. Have you seen this? Trump is on his trip to Asia. He was in Japan. Oh, my God. Talk about asshole.

He was in Japan two days ago. He was imploring the Japanese to shoot down missiles of Korea fired them. And he said to the Japanese, You're a warrior nation. You're a country of samurai warriors. Then he asked what they're going to do about Godzilla. Oh, he's taking down the power lines.

You're a warrior nation? You're a bunch of samurai? It's like if the Japanese president came over here and said, America, cowboy, bang, bang. Shoot man for snoring. And then it was on to China. He's been there for the last three days. China, of course, exposes the big differences

between our country and China, because China's can totally embrace globalization. They've embraced addressing climate change, robotics, aerospace, high-speed rail. Trump, on the other hand, all in on closed borders and coal. It's like seeing another kid doing long division while yours is in the sandbox playing with cat poop.

And tomorrow he's off to Vietnam. And just at the thought of it, the bone spurs started acting up again. Yeah, he's scheduled... That's a big thing with Trump on this trip, because in Vietnam, he's scheduled to meet with Vladimir Putin, and he's going to find out if he's going to get a Christmas bonus. So thank you for coming. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10,

or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.