Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill – Ep. #446

Episode Date: January 22, 2018

Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night series, Real Time with Bill Maugh. The fake media won't turn the cameras around and show the size of the crowd but there's at least 30,000 people here. 50,000, exactly. Now, I have to tell you,

I have really nothing prepared. I really thought none of us would still be here. So I just came back from Hawaii. It was very relaxing until the missile alert went off. Yeah, you heard about that shit? Came up on people's phones in Hawaii. We're there, an incoming missile is headed for Hawaii.

This is not a test. Usually when I'm in Hawaii and I hear the word incoming, it means someone's passing the joint. How many are from a shithole country? I know I am, ladies and gentlemen. No, Trump is taking care of that. You know, he used that term, shithole. But today he designated Haiti a moor.

most favored shithole. So, but you know, that whole shithole thing came about because they were trying to get this immigration deal done, which may shut down the government. I mean, this is much bigger than just shithole. The problem is that, you know, his idiot friends in Congress like Paul Ryan, they think they have a deal,

and then Trump watches Fox and friends, and Steve Deucey says, it's a bad deal, and then Trump tweets something and fucks it up. They're like parents who have shared custody of a stupid fat kid. kid. Good news. Here's some good news to end with. Donald Trump took his physical, and apparently he's the healthiest man who ever lived. In fact, he has to be careful when he hits a golf ball that he doesn't hit it too hard and tear a hole in the space-time continuum. His doctor, another prize, this guy, said he's in absolutely excellent health, but he has to lose 10 to 15 pounds.

But Trump said he prefers not using the stair master. He prefers lying his ass off. And then the Dr. said, it's just that Donald Trump has incredibly good genes. It's just the way God made him. And today, God said, Jesus, don't bring me into this shit. All right, thank you very much. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10. Or watch them anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.