Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill – Ep. #451

Episode Date: March 6, 2018

Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series, Real Time with Bill Ma. Thank you. So listen, Congress may not be doing anything, but companies stepping into the breach here, that's good to see. That's where America is. Our moral compass now is Walmart. Yes, Walmart, I love this. Walmart put out a statement they said, We also do not sell handguns except in Alaska where we feel we should continue to offer them to our customers.

No other explanation. No, really, that's what they said. What the fuck? Congratulations, Alexa. You just beat Alabama in a redneck contest. Just Alaska, grandfathered him. Trump, of course. This man.

It would give me a heart attack. This man. He's been talking about guns nonstop since the shooting, and he is now, as you saw, was talking about arming teachers. It would make the track. team run faster. I'm not going to phone it in

now. And he said, you know, to make it more normalized in the school of the librarian's gun will have a silencer. So, you know, it's just trying to get these. And then Trump said the thing that, of

all the things he said in his whole career, the craziness, the one that bothered me the most, he heard it this week. He said, I really believe I would run in there. Even if I didn't have a weapon. First of all, the idea of Donald Trump running. Then yesterday, oh my God, he had this meeting,

bipartisan meeting, where he just agreed with everybody. Democrats and Republicans sitting around the table. Whatever anybody said, because he doesn't know anything. You know, van assault weapons? Yeah, great idea. Armed teachers? I'm out for that too. Background checks?

Why not? Censor video games. Let's do it. He thinks laws are like a buffet. in his casino. Whatever you can pile onto your plate and waddle back to the table with, it's good. That's yours. You own it. He completely freaked out the Republicans when he suggested raising the age that people could buy a gun to 21 and then suggested just offhand seizing guns without due process to people who might pose a threat. Of course, none of that will happen.

but for a brief shining moment, his stupidity was on the side of good. But how about this? And you see, in Pennsylvania, hundreds of couples went to a unification church where the women, all dressed in virginal white, the men wearing crowns, drinking holy wine,

and they had their AR-15s blessed, blessed by the church elders wearing pink and white robes. That happened. I read it. I was like, thank God this is not another story about guns falling into the hands of the mentally ill. Even Scientologists were like, pull it together,

people. It bothers me that this Parkland shooter, nobody is talking about the fact that he was a Trump supporter, right? He had to make America great hat with swastikas carved into the magazine that he was using in his

rifle. He had not Doodles, which is Steve Bannon's favorite food snack. Pass the Nazi doodles. But, yeah, Hopex left. She said she just wants to spend more time breaking up other families. But she will be missed. Stephen Miller today was sniffing Sarah Huckabee Sanders' office chair. But he said it's...

But he said it's just not the same. No, it's a little suspicious she left yesterday. because just the day before, she spent nine hours before a congressional committee where she told them that she told white lies on behalf of the president. And apparently, when she got back to the White House, Trump said to her,

how could you be that stupid? Now, some people think he was yelling at her. I think he was looking for tips. He's been in office 13 months. He's had five communications director. There's more job security on the Walking Dead. And the Oscars are Sunday, you're excited? Oh, not me.

There's a movie being made about Trump, the shape of walrus. And what about Melania? 13 years of slave. All right, thank you very much. We're going to continue over here. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10. Or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.