Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill – Ep. #459
Episode Date: May 8, 2018Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...
Transcript
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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night series, Real Time with Bill Maher.
Well, everybody's talking today about Rudy Giuliani. Remember him?
Used to be known as America's mayor. Now he's known as America's worst lawyer.
This guy went on Fox twice in the last 24 hours and admitted Trump knew about the hush money to Stormy Daniels.
And the media today's exactly like, oh, we caught Trump in a lie.
Yes, something you can do 10 times a day by pushing record.
But you notice, everybody Trump touches gets stupider.
He's like the human version of huffing paint.
And Giuliani said today he's not going to allow Trump to enter into a perjury trap, a perjury trap,
what the rest of us call microphones.
But they're clearly worried that Michael Cohen has flipped,
and they should be worried, because Michael Cohen knows where all the bodies are buried.
and by that I mean he's actually probably buried some bodies.
But now in the category of giant scandal that we don't even pay attention to
because the president is the worst person ever,
so we don't even notice some of these other scandals.
It came out this week that the personal doctor for Trump, Harold Bornstein,
we saw him during the campaign.
Weird looking dude.
He claimed this week,
I think he's, I don't think it's
bullshit, that Trump's goons
raided his office to steal
Trump's medical records.
What would the Republicans be doing
if Hillary had sent
goons to her
doctor's office to steal her?
I mean, it's like, it's insane
that we just let this shit go on like that.
But with Trump, it's like, well, he
doesn't want anybody to know. He's fat and bald.
Next.
And remember, this is the doctor who
wrote a letter during the, right at the
during the 2016 campaign,
when people were asking about the candidate's health,
said that Trump was, quote, astonishingly excellent.
His health was astonishingly excellent,
and that he was the, quote,
healthiest individual ever to run for the presidency.
And yesterday the doctor said,
yes, Trump dictated that letter.
What a surprise.
It doesn't sound like Trump at all, does it?
I mean, yes, Trump dictated that letter,
and the doctor said, yeah, Trump dictated a letter.
and I would tell him what he couldn't put in there.
Couldn't put in there.
The letter says he was the healthiest man alive.
What did the original draft say?
He won the Kentucky Derby?
They had to do a second blood test
to make sure he wasn't one of the X-Men.
Well, the Tiflov was the part that said
he tested negative for collusion.
Right there, I think.
But the healthy,
man ever to be president.
He's not even the healthiest one
that teenagers can remember.
Bush used to bike for 10
miles every day. Remember that? Obama
played full court basketball.
Trump was winded when he was shooting
paper towels to those Puerto Ricans.
He's so fat, his shadow
has diabetes. All right, ladies.
Catch all new episodes of real time with
Bill Maher every Friday night at 10
or watch him anytime on HBO
On Demand. For more information,
log on to hbo.com.
Thank you.
