Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill – Ep. #461

Episode Date: May 22, 2018

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night series Real Time with Bill Maugh. Thank you very much. Please. Contain yourself. Well, are you excited about the royal wedding on Saturday? That's the thing you are? No, it's exciting that Prince of England is marrying an American. I still don't give a shit. I'm being me.

Some people do care, and they're going to be up early on Saturday morning with a box of tissue. and 12 of their cats. No, I'm very disappointed that Megan Markle's dad is not coming. Have you seen this guy? I was so hoping this guy would show up and show England what America is really all about. I wanted to see him there with a shitty fitting tuxedo

and a Make America great hat. Drinking too much, dancing like a jackass, grabbing the mic from the queen. Liz, I'm gonna let you finish, but quick announcement, we're running low on Budweiser. You know, that would have been, it's not to be. Well, we all wish the First Lady, well, Melania Trump's still in the hospital for a procedure.

They're very vague about it. They say Trump visited her three times. Either there's a hot nurse at the hospital or she's resting comfortably at a golf course. Those are the only... Who, did I find a place where they're sympathetic with Trump? That's unbelievable. So here's a new poll.

Within this, only 13% of Americans think that Trump is honest. I wish I knew who these 13% are, because I could sell a lot of timeshares. I'm just saying, this is, this is Trump. This is the most corrupt administrator. Have you seen this guy, Scott Pruitt, he's the head of the Environmental Protection Agency.

They've only been in office a year and a half. He's now facing, his 12th, 12th federal investigation. I have never seen anyone this shamelessly corrupt. These aren't scandals anymore. They're just a cry for help. He's like, what do we have to do to get fired around here? Fuck Stormy Daniels.

And this week we had the one-year anniversary of the Bob Mueller probe into the Russia affair. And in the entire year, Bob Mueller has not said a word. said a word he's completely unflappable as opposed to Donald Trump who was the most flappable person in America he could work as one of those inflatable men outside the car dealership you know this yeah his uh his idiot lawyer Rudy Giuliani was on TV today saying you know he wants to wrap up the muller probe come on come on wrap it up and he says if they don't he's got a

plan B and a plan C to wrap up the muller plume Plan B is exerting executive authority. Plan C is, let's just say it's not good for North Korea. Thank you, one guy. That's a guy who gets it. Spread it around, would you? Yeah, things are suddenly off the rails because Trump's idiot, National Security Advisor, John Bolton,

said, we want to do this on the Libyan example. And if you remember what happened in Libya, Colonel Gaddafi wound up with a knife in his ass. So that's what we're putting out there. We want this on the Libyan example. And so the North Korean ambassador said, we do not hide our feelings of repugnance toward John Bolton. Oh, well, there's some common ground.

But here's the scandal of the week, which, of course, got buried because we're so used to scandals. China, listen to this. China invested half a billion dollars. and a resort project which will enrich Trump personally. Immediately, Trump gave China a curiously favorable trade concession. Let me put this another way. Trump ordered sanctions lifted on this telecom company, ZTE phones.

We have them here. Let me have a ZTE phone? Well, they're spying on you right now. Just hours after the Chinese government gave $500 billion to build a Trump resort in Indonesia. This is a diplomatic and negotiating tactic called Open Bribery. All right, thank you very much. We got some more for you over here. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10

or watch them anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.