Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill – Ep. #471

Episode Date: September 11, 2018

Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night series, Real Time with Bill Maugh. Trump says the New York Times must turn over the anonymous writer, turn over for national security purposes, turn over. Like we're going to meet in East Berlin on the bridge

of spies. We're sending him across. You give us Hope Hicks. So it was not a good week for him. The Woodward book is actually called Fear. And in the book, he says Trump is a congenital liar who's having a nervous breakdown.

And today, Amorosa said, how come nobody believe me when I wrote the exact same book? But he's got some amazing stuff, Woodward does, that he says that went on in the White House. Like Trump wanted to assassinate Assad, the dictator in Syria, which, of course, is against the law. In America, we don't assassinate people. It is.

That's funny. they laughed at that. But we haven't for quite a few years because we did make a law against it, but Trump said apparently, according to Bob Woodward quote, he says, Assad, let's fucking kill him. Let's do it.

Let's kill the whole fucking lot of them. Now, in fairness, he said the same thing about Nordstrom's. And at least this provides an answer to the question I've always had, what would it be like if Sonny Corleone ran America? No, Trump is getting, if it's possible, more unhinged.

He said yesterday that there are hundreds of pictures of Robert Mueller and James Comey hugging and kissing. And Lindsey Graham said, could I see them? And of course, we check. There are no pictures of Comey and Mueller hugging and kissing. They're friends. That's his big thing. Comey's best. friend is Mueller. So what? They were colleagues

for decades. They were both the FBI director. You know what? Batman and Robin are friends. It doesn't mean the penguin isn't a crook. But of course. But of course, to Trump fans, they don't care about any of this stuff. That's reality. That's, no.

What they care about is Nike put out an ad defending Colin Kaepernick. So right-wing patriots now, have you seen this? They're burning their nikes. They're burning their shoes. They call that owning the liberals. That'll teach them burning our own clothing.

It's like the Boston Tea Party. Instead of tea, they threw themselves in the harbor. But the alt-right, you know, the people who marched in Charlottesville, they're especially mad about this. But Nike's trying to win them back with their new Air Hitler's. But, no, this guy is hard to pin down. There's Brett

Kavanaugh, and you've seen him. He said he's not allowed to give opinions on politics. He's allowed to give his opinions on current events, not allowed to give you his opinions on legal matters. Contestants on let's make a deal. Have more information on what's behind door number two. But, you know, he's got his story and he's sticking to it. He says, no, no, I'm just an umpire who calls balls and strikes. Yeah, right.

For those keeping score, Democrats have two strikes and no balls. All right. Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Hatch all new episodes of real time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch them anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.