Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill – Ep. #496

Episode Date: May 20, 2019

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series, Real Time with Bill Maugh. Thank you very much. Thank you. Well, I don't know what to tell you, ladies and gentlemen. If you're watching what's going on politically, Montana Governor Steve Bullock is running for president.

If you're excited by this, you are Montana Governor Steve Bullock. Well, this is the week that we went on a war footing, ladies and gentlemen. There's the trade war with China, the real war coming up with Iran, and the never-ending Republican war on the uterus. Last week, Georgia, state of Georgia, made abortion illegal after six weeks. This week, Alabama made it illegal at conception. This is the most restrictive abortion law ever. And unlike the people who wrote it, this one has teeth. It was signed into law by their governor, K. Ivey.

She's a grandmother, like any other grandma, except that she never removes the cookies from the oven before they're finished baking. That's because... So that guy got it right there. That guy, that guy, I love that joke. But they're calling it the heartbeat law. And I've to tell you, the only tiny heartbeat I care about. is Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Now, as for the war that's coming up with Iran,

now Trump has been dying for this war, and he's looking for the excuse. Today, we found the excuse. We caught the Iranians putting rockets on small boats. Yeah? Putting explosives on a small boat. In the south, they call this fishing. And China, or Trump, listen to it,

Trump wants to spend $20 billion of your tax money for a second round of bailouts to the farmers who were hurt by his stupid tariffs. Now, Trump still does not get that we pay the tariff. He keeps saying things like, Chinese tariffs, he's a massive payment that go directly into our treasury. That's not even remotely close to how this work. Trump thinks that when he buys something and you give him change, he makes money.

One estimate of the cost of Trump's tariffs is $500 for every family. Democrats are calling it the Trump tax. Actually, they're not. I'm calling it the Trump tax. Democrats are stupid and should call it the Trump tax. But the Democrats are never any good at running for office. They don't get this. This week they're discussing whether Mueller should be testifying before them.

And, you know, at this point, when I hear about the Mueller report, it's like when I see Gray's Anatomy on TV, I'm like, is that show still on? And finally, We'll be amused at this, I hope. TSA agents are now being pressed into service to relieve the backlog on the Mexican border. Because who better to alleviate long lines than the TSA? All right. Thank you very much.

I appreciate you coming. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.