Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill – Ep. #498

Episode Date: June 11, 2019

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series, Real Time with Bill Maugh. I don't want to say the British were not excited to see Donald Trump, but the Marquis said, puppet show, also Donald Trump. But you know Trump, he said the crowds were cheering him. He said he got glowing, really,

he said he got glowing reviews in the British press. And when the American press called him on this, he kept saying, no delusion. No delusion. No, there were thousands of people in the streets protesting him. They carved a dick in the pills. I mean, the baby balloon they had of him. And yet, it's like they're calling this the reverse inaugural.

This is where he doesn't see crowds who are there. Actually, the one royal I like is the one everybody hates. I like Prince Charles. I do. Yes, see, I really do. And Prince Charles, took Trump on a tour of Buckingham Palace, and he said, I'm going to show you the trophy room.

And Trump said, you have a room just for wives? But, now, I like Prince Charles because he's a tireless advocate for fighting climate change, and he spent 90 minutes with Trump trying to get into that thick skull of Trump's about global warming.

And Trump, oh my God. Trump's answer to this 90-minute lecture of science was, America has amongst the cleanest climate. Really, he said those words. And then he said, I believe there is a change in the weather, but it changes both ways. That's right.

Like today it was wet, but it was a dry wet. And then he goes on Pierce. Remember Pierce Morgan when he was on this? I know. He was the winner of Season 7 of The Apprentice, and he is a big Trump fan. And he said to Trump talking about, because this was D-Day and the military service came up,

and Pierce Morgan says to Trump, you were not able to serve in Vietnam because of a bone spur condition in your feet. Oh, for fuck sake. This guy went so far up Trump's ass, he would have rear-ended Hannity, but he was driving on the left. Trump says he didn't go to Vietnam

because he had a student deferment. Others say he faked the condition of bone spurs, or maybe he just showed up at the draft board wearing the makeup he wears now. No, during Vietnam, Trump was such a pussy. He tried to grab himself. It's moments like this, right, when we wish we had an actual president. Because when you think about it, it's crazy.

Trump has the same job as Dwight D. Eisenhower, the man who planned the largest seaborne invasion in the history of the world. And Donald Trump, the man who invaded the dressing room with the Miss Teen USA Pact. So Trump made a speech today. Somehow he got through it, a speech about the Nazis without saying they were fine people on both sides. And he said, we must learn the lessons of World War II, where we worked with the Russians to stop Germany. Just the way I worked with the Russians to stop Hillary. And here's my favorite story of the week.

The senator, Republican senator from Iowa, Chuck Grassley, says, listen to the, this. He says the immigrants on the border are now renting babies. I know. Because, you know, it's easier to get across the border, because if you have a baby, so they are renting babies. And, you know, I hate

when you rent a baby and they make you walk around the baby to see if there's any damage. I mean, that's why I'm buying the insurance. You can rent a brand new 2019 baby with complete with complete diapers fully loaded. Okay, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

And we are over here. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.