Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill (Originally aired 04/08/16)

Episode Date: April 12, 2016

Bonus Bill (Originally aired 04/08/16) - Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Don't miss the Devil Wears Prada 2 in theaters. Merrill Street, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, and Stanley Tucci are back. In light of the recent scandal, I'm here to restore your credibility. I did not hire you, and all I need to do is bide my time until you've failed. On May 1st, I'm going to make something of this job. Rain. Be the bridges I burn. Night my way.

Forever. I just love my job. Get tickets now. The Devil Wears Prada 2 in theaters May 1st, directed by David Frankel. Now it's time for real time. point out, your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear. What a crowd for a Thursday and a rainy Thursday.

I can't believe they're so good. And Obama's in town, which fucks up traffic and they're still here. Yeah, his 40th visit in Los Angeles, that's a lot of times to come to him. Maybe he does too many TV shows. You know, they ask the official reason why he came, the White House said, pilot season. But anyone here in the Stop Trump movement Because that had a very big week Now Trump did not like losing

He didn't like it so much He went silent on Twitter the whole night This never happens People were really worried about him The next morning they had to show him a picture of Rosie O'Donnell to get him back Oh yes Fuck you, Pig

Get him back on the horse But apparently the Trump campaign is in disarray, they say, firing people, hiring new people, get delegate counting all fucked up for them. But it does look like we are heading in the Republican side toward a contested Republican convention, or as I call it, there will be blood too. I'm just saying the Republican base is very interprofessional wrestling,

and a convention has a lot of folding chair, so do the math. Now, on the Democratic side, wow, Bernie Sanders, Earl of Bern, yes. He also won big in Wisconsin, and he has won seven of the last eight primaries. Pundits say a few more wins, there is a real chance.

They might mention him on TV. This guy, what does he have to do? Of course, the Clinton campaign, getting a little nervous, they said, hey, everyone will come to see how unelectable Bernie is just as soon as people stop electing him. Now there was a little bit of a scandal again,

just like we had in Arizona, which is long lines at the polling booths. We're a third world country now. People can't even do the voting, let alone get the answer right. But yeah, long lines, hours and hours. Some of Bernie's millennial supporters were waiting so long.

By the time they got in the booth, they were elderly Hillary supporter. So the camp campaign now was moved to New York State. This should be a lot of fun. New York State. And, you know, because Hillary, she represented New York State. Bernie is from Brooklyn, obviously. You can still hear it in his voice. And he's got a message that's really working there in New York. Bernie says, you know that giant rat who had the big slice of pizza in his mouth? He should share that with the other 99% of the rats. That's one we won't be doing tomorrow. We like to throw in just to see, just to test us or, And of course, the other scandal that came to light this week, the Panama Papers. Did you see that? Panama Papers. I used to use them.

Now I vape. But that's not at all. Not at all what the Panama Papers are. This is the country of Panama, and it was revealed that there was a gigantic network of millionaires hiding their money in tax avoidance schemes there. But interesting, no Americans. implicate it so far. That's right. Our rich people do not evade taxes by investing in shell corporations. They do it by investing in Republicans.

All right. Thank you very much. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.