Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill (Originally aired 05/06/16)

Episode Date: May 9, 2016

Bonus Bill (Originally aired 05/06/16)- Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear. It's a Cinco de Mayo crowd, isn't it? Are you celebrating Cinco de Mayo? As if Republicans need another reason to drink. That's right. Donald Trump is now the nominee. The official, isn't that amazing?

No, they said it couldn't happen, and now it happened. in less than a year Donald Trump could be in charge of the nuclear codes they say if you live long enough you see everything it's more like if you live long enough there won't be anything left to see I mean

Ted Cruz of course was the last one standing he dropped out on Tuesday night he said it's morning in America I've got to get back into my coffin I mean there was 17 fucking people in this If only one of them could have been a human being, right? Ted Cruz's father said, it was the Lord.

That's who called him to do this. He said they prayed on it for two hours, and then the Holy Spirit descended upon Ted who said, use me. Also, John Kasich, who dropped out yesterday, he said, the Lord has a purpose for me. Clearly, it's not to be president. So if you're keeping score, the Lord is 0 for 2. Uh, oh, yeah.

No, it's true. Cruz asked the Lord. Kasek asked the Lord. They shouldn't ask the Lord. Ask a pollster, guys. That's... You know when something is a bad idea when the only person who supports you is invisible?

That's... But... You know who refuses to support Donald Trump? George W. Bush. Because when your greatest achievement was being the worst president ever, you hate to see it threatened black. All right.

Thank you very much. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.