Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill (Originally aired 05/13/16)

Episode Date: May 16, 2016

Bonus Bill (Originally aired 05/13/16)- Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's something else here now. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus. It's the series Stephen King calls Scarious Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi Vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch.

Saving those children is how we all go home. From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear. Exciting news. Donald Trump has pulled even in the polls with Hillary Clinton already.

And in the Reuters poll, Hillary has 41%, Trump has 40, and the margin of error, they say, is too depressing to calculate. What happened to the never-Trump movement? A week ago, they were all, never-Trump. And now they're like, no, forever. Trump. You misheard me. I said

forever Trump. And all these Republican leaders who have done nothing but say the worst things about Donald Trump, Bobby Jindel said he's an egomaniac with no principles. He's on board. On board and I'm for him. Rick Perry says he's ignorant and betrays

the principles of Christ. Wow, I thought Rick Perry had hard enough time speaking out of one side of his mouth. I think it's very ironic. The only Republican who refuses to bend over and just take it, Lindsey Graham. Lindsey Graham, the gay Republican, never mind. But, and Paul Ryan, the head Republican, the top dog,

the Speaker of the House, he said last week, he kind of wanted to endorse Donald Trump, and he said, I'm just, I'm not there yet. I just can't do it. Well, he did some soul searching, and he found out, nope, doesn't have one. and so he Paul Ryan and Donald Trump had a big meeting today in Washington to discuss Republican principles

Paul Ryan, this guy, Wisconsin's favorites on Paul Ryan. Remember he was Mitt Romney's vice president but first he did not want to be vice president no way, then he became vice president the candidate. And then Speaker of the House, no, I'm never going to take that job became Speaker of the House.

Then he was never going to endorse Trump now he was going to endorse Trump. He's like the girl in high school, plays hard to get, and then blows the whole football team. But I mean, this idea that Donald Trump has principles to begin with, Donald Trump has flip-flopped already in every position he's ever taken, and he only started six months ago. Here was new one about abortion.

He only, abortion, only in cases of rape, incest, and when the woman doesn't want to have a baby. Other than that, he is a guest. Last week, he said we should consider default. on our debt, which is insane. And a couple of days ago, he said, oh, no, what I meant to say is we could never default because we could just print money. Today, Harriet Tubman said,

you know what, I'm fine. Keep me off the 20. I don't know what they'd do with your money. And his other big thing that got all his fans all, you know, with their testosterone up, his ban on Muslims, now he says, just a suggestion. Just a suggestion until we figure out

what's going on. Okay, until Donald Trump figures out what's going on. So, in other words, forever. What is, it's now just a suggestion. We're going to put up a sign at the airport. Attention, Muslims. We really wish you'd

reconsider. I'm telling you, if Trump is elected, the problem won't be Muslims not wanting to come here. No one will want to come here. So meanwhile, the search for Donald Trump's vice president continues. And you know who's in charge of the search for vice president? Yes,

Dr. Ben Carson. Gentle Ben, Dr. Ben Carson. And Dr. Ben Carson is going very well. He's already met dozens of candidates who's answered his ad on Craigliff. And the qualifications to be Donald Trump's vice president. Two questions are very important. Donald Trump wants Andrew. One, if something were to happen to me,

could they step in and do the job that I have no idea how to do? And two, have they ever made fun in my hands? Because that's very big with Donald Trump. But here's the story that conservatives are really crazy about it to be. Conservatives are crazy of a report that says Facebook manipulates their news feed to favor liberal issues. and Republicans think that is wrong

that a private corporation should have an ideological agenda and then they tuned into Fox to find out more about it. All right, thank you very much. Okay. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO on demand.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.