Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill (Originally aired 09/16/16)

Episode Date: September 19, 2016

Bonus Bill Episode #403 (Originally aired 09/16/16) - Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear. Great to be back. Thank you. Look at that. I know. We've been off on our little summer vacation,

but I'm back, and you know who else is back today? Hillary Clinton is back out there on this trail. Yes. New and improved Hillary. The headphone jack is gone. She looked good today. I mean, if you can recover from pneumonia in two days, that's not too bad.

But, I mean, some of that cell phone video of her stumbling getting into the van, that was scary. She almost fell to her knees, something Bill hasn't seen in decades. And, of course, the Clintons being Clintons, didn't make it any better by constantly changing their story. First, she was just overheated, right?

And she was dehydrated. Then we find out she had pneumonia. and now today they say taking the knee was just a tribute to Colin Kaepernick. What? Now, this is my favorite part of the story. When Hillary has been in bed

the last few days, she had her surrogates go out there, mostly her husband. Bill Clinton stood in for her a number of places, but Politico was reporting that Hillary didn't ask Bill to do that. They're saying Hillary's assistant asked Bill's assistant.

This is a secret to a successful marriage, ladies and gentlemen. I'll have my people, wish your people, happy anniversary. So, yes, now Donald tried appealing to women this week by unveiling a plan. Did you see this to provide maternity, maternity leave, and child care, which he says we're going to need after he deports all the nannies? And have you been reading Colin Powell's evening? emails. Colin Powell got hacked. He says he's not really thrilled about voting for Hillary either

because her husband is, quote, still dicking bimboes. Still dicking bimboes. If that's not already a Kanye song, it will be soon. All right. Thank you very much. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch him anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com. Thank you.