Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill (Originally aired 09/23/16)

Episode Date: September 26, 2016

Bonus Bill (Originally aired 09/23/16) - Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear Start the clock. Good afternoon Yeah, they're preparing for the debates now. You heard that Hillary's home studying Yeah, they have both different aspirations Trump hopes that the moderators are fair. Hillary hopes no one harbors her organs This she's I think she's not well, but yeah, it's tight right this race is there's It's tight. The liberals are in a tough spot.

It's like Game of Thrones. On the one hand, if Trump gets the throne, he could kill us all. On the other hand, we could move to Canada, but winter is coming. It is. Winter's coming. I'm telling you, as soon as falls here, it's Christmas.

It's fucking thanks hallow ismas. Remember thanks, Hallow Christmas? We invented that holiday, which it should just combine. North Carolina, did you see what's going on there? It was a pretty messy situation there. last night. And right in the middle of this, of course, Donald Trump is making his black outreach plan. Or it used to be known, stop and frisk. That's his plan. Yeah, he's, Donald Trump also went on

Fox and Friends today. He said, there seems to be a lack of spirit between whites and blacks. And you know what would bring that spirit back? Frisking. Frisking, no one doesn't like a good frisk. So in other disturbing news, of course, we're living this week with the aftermath of another terrorist bombing in New York and my home state of New Jersey. Luckily, right, no one killed this time. We're learning more about the bomber. His name is Ahmed Rahmami. He was a 28-year-old naturalized citizen. And in his journal, Ahmed Rahmahmi praises bin Laden.

He praises other terrorists, and he says he's going to vow to kill the unbelievers. Or as they say on the news, we're still trying to figure out a motive. Now, these homegrown terrorists, I tell you, they have kind of a love-hate thing going with America. Have you noticed that? I mean, this guy in his journal, he said he wanted to visit a painful chastisement on the infidel and then get home in time for the voice. But the father and the son worked there at a fried chicken restaurant in New Jersey, but at some point the kid, the bad one, decided it was taking too long to kill the infidels with high cholesterol.

This was just... And the restaurant got good reviews on Yelp. Although, that's true. Although there were signs that a bad apple was working there because, for example, the 8 by 10 glossies

signed by terrorists on the wall. To Akhman, best chicken outside the caliphate. I mean, you know, that should have been a red, flag. The sign in the bathroom, please wash hands before waging jihad. I mean, that... The mail would come in. The father would be like, Bill, Bill, Bill, Al-Qaeda magazine. And my governor there in New Jersey, Chris Christie, he ordered a state of emergency when he heard this and three buckets of chicken.

That's... And... No, I mean, this guy, this kid, the bomber, spent a year in a year and Pakistan, three weeks in Afghanistan, then went to Turkey. I mean, unless you're Anthony Bourdain, this kind of itinerary should raise a few red flags. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch him anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to hb.com.