Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill (Originally aired 11/11/16)

Episode Date: November 14, 2016

Bonus Bill (Originally aired 11/11/16) - Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear. It's a very good mood. You know, when people used to say anything is possible in America, I used to think that was a good thing. Not so much ever anymore.

Anyway, if you haven't seen George Lopez in concert yet, hurry. That's... That's... Because... America will be changing. That massive clicking sound you hear is cops all over the country

turning off their body cameras. Well, I tried. And I did. That guy fought a vicious, vulgar campaign, and I gave it right back. But we lost. We lost. We've got to own that.

America as a whole looked at a narcissistic billionaire with an obsession for vendettas and said, you know what, this guy needs more power, I mean, even they were shocked, even the Republicans, even his own team. Chris Christie said you could knock me over with a Zamboni. But he's something.

It just shows how far you can get in America with a dream, tens of billions of dollars, and an organized plan to keep poor people from voting. Yeah. No, apparently Hillary just could never shake that reputation as an insider. And when I say insider, I mean woman. Of course, Trump prevailed using the accounting system designed by rich white men who had slaves. What a coincidence.

But you know, he gave a gracious acceptance speech. He said about Hillary. He said we owe her a debt of gratitude for her service of the country. And for that, I'm going to knock six months off her jail term. What do you think about that, huh? Now, this is definitely the end of the Clinton dynasty, as we know it. And I would like to say to them, we owe you guys a debt of gratitude for decades of service,

and now we never want to see you again. Hillary said her biggest regret was not communicating her vision to the working class people. Yeah. If they had just paid her $250,000 speaking fee, she could have. But, yeah. Yeah, probably, well, as of now,

but maybe over a million people will have more people, will have voted for Hillary. And the future of this country, all I gotta say to my Latino friends, keep making babies. We are counting on your hot-blooded passion to save this country. No, actually, actually not so much. One out of three Latinos voted for Donald Trump.

I guess those are the ones who assumed were good people. A lot said it was because of their Catholic values. Most just said, I don't want a lady in a pantsuit telling me what to do. I get that at work. Remember only like a week ago? Everybody was talking about, can the Republican Party survive? What's going to happen to them? What happened is they control everything now.

Not just the presidency, the House, the Senate, and the Supreme Court. I mean, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, please. Eat well. I have a question for scientists. Can we extract someone's brain and just hook it up to a machine? There's nothing in the Constitution that says a Supreme Court Justice

have to have a body. Screw self-driving cars. Let's get Google working on that. But it's happening. Somebody today asked Donald Trump about his transition team and he said, yeah, I already put in a call to Caitlin Jenner.

He doesn't know government that well. But no, he met with President Obama at the White House. I'm sorry, I mean the gold house at Trump Plaza. Yes, orange is the new black, folks. Amazingly, how pathetic that was. And the meeting between the two men went well.

Obama likes giving tours, and Trump's likes kicking black people out of housing. So it's... All right, thank you very much. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10. Or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.