Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill (Originally aired 2/10/17)

Episode Date: February 13, 2017

Bonus Bill (Originally aired 2/10/17) - Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's something else here now. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus. It's the series Stephen King calls Scary as Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi Vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch.

Saving those children is how we all go home. From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear. Well, let's get right to the big news. The President has declared war on Nordstrom. This is very... And then to make matters worth, Kelly Ann Conway, his work wife, she... Well, that's okay. That's a thing people have.

She goes on Fox News and says, go buy Ivanka Stuff. Go buy it, everybody. So next Thanksgiving, when your right-wing uncle shows up in a floral print-sheath dress, you'll know why. So, yeah, so anyway, Kelly Ann Conway violated the law. There is a ban against a federal employee using public office to endorse a product. Even though every time Donald Trump opens his mouth, it's a huge ad for Prozac, Abilify, Zoloff, Paxil Lexapro and that penis

pump that adds interest to your cock. I mean and you know we have actual issues we should be talking about in the daily briefing about our security that Yemen raid that went fucking south last week giant cluster fuck

and now it turns out Trump was convinced to make this raid because the generals told him Obama would never do it. What a way to govern. Hey, Kelly Ann, give me a complete list of things my apprentices that thought were too stupid to consider. But that's the bad news.

Donald Trump is our president. The good news is that he is raising awareness about mental health issues, and that is so important. So important. And I haven't even started on this week's outright lies and delusions. Like Trump said, the media covers up terrorist attacks. What? He said the murder rate. rate is the highest in 47 years. That's the thing about having tiny hands. It makes it easier to pull

things out of your ass. Thank you very much. Catch all new episodes of real time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.