Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill (Originally aired 2/17/17)

Episode Date: February 18, 2017

Bonus Bill (Originally aired 2/17/17) - Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Don't miss the Devil Wears Prada 2 in theaters. Merrill Street, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, and Stanley Tucci are back. In light of the recent scandal, I'm here to restore your credibility. I did not hire you, and all I need to do is bide my time until you've failed. On May 1st, I'm going to make something of this job. Rain. Be the bridges I burn. Night my way.

Forever. I just love my job. Get tickets now. The Devil Wears Prada 2 in theaters May 1st. Directed by David Frankel. Now it's time for real time. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear. Well, it is week four of the war on facts.

And I don't know what to tell you. There's just so much news every week. We went from no-drama Obama to my throat has a lumped trunk. I guess we'll start with the big scandal this week. The National Security Advisor Michael Flynn was forced to step down this week. Well, you know, he was dealing with the Russians. Trump was furious. He said to Flynn, I want your resignation, your letter of resignation,

on Putin's desk in the morning. But here's the funny part. Even the Russians, even Putin, is having buyer's remorse about Donald Trump. Really? They used to have all these fawning stories about Donald Trump on Russian state TV. That stopped because he's a maniac and they know it now. They can't trust him. He can no longer be trusted even by his Russian handlers.

So it's like one of those horror movies where the ventriloquist dummy starts to have a mind of its own. The dummy is grabbing pussies now. This is true. One thing is good. So Donald Trump had a press coverage today to deal with all this. Oh, my God. I took a bong hit every time.

Try it. Every time he says something is very unfair to him, I took a hit. And there's no pot left in California. Now, Trump says the real scandal is not the Russian thing. It's the leakers. And he said he promises to get to the bottom of where all this blatant truth is coming from.

Can't have that in our government. And then he met with Prime Minister. Mr. Netanyahu of Israel this week and an Israeli reporter asked him about anti-Semitic hate crime. Yes. And yeah, about anti-Semitic hate crime on the rise in America and Trump went into a discussion of how big his electoral college victory was. And my daughter married a Jew and no matter what you asked this man, it always

immediately gets back to, let's talk about me. How do I fit in this? Because we've really wandered off into areas about national policy. Back to me. So it's been a rough week, another rough week for Trump, so he needs some cheering up. So Trump Saturday is going to have a campaign rally. Again, asshole, you won.

At an airplane hanger in Florida. And that's his safe space. I just wonder when this guy is going to realize you won the election, but he doesn't care. Sometimes he says you have to bypass the crooked media and take your case directly to the drooling idiots who are still buying your shit. All right, you're a great crowd. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch him anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.