Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill (Originally aired 2/3/17)

Episode Date: February 6, 2017

Bonus Bill (Originally aired 2/3/17) - Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear. How you doing? Okay, welcome to another edition of What the Fuck Did He Do Now? That's what every week is here. My writers can't keep up.

They're writing one premise. Oh, we just declared war on Japan. All right. Well, I tell you what Donald Trump did this week. To keep American safe, you saw this over the last weekend, a travel ban from Muslim countries where he does not do business. No, but the whole band thing was it was horribly planned.

The border agents had no idea what to do or what was going on. And that's Trump for you. You know, all the bad parts of fascism without the efficiency. So, okay, so that was like the weekend. Then the week started with him hanging up on the Prime Minister of Australia. How the fuck do you pick a fight with Australia? But you know the difference between, America in Australia, right?

When you flush our country down the toilet, it goes clockwise. Okay, so then he gets on the phone with the president of Mexico and bishes him out. And he said, we might have to send troops into Mexico because they've got some bad ambrates down there. And then when the White House was asked about this,

they said, they characterize it as lighthearted. Lighthearted. a light-hearted invasion of Mexico Remember when America was the stable country and Mexico was where you went to see a donkey show? I mean, if Donald Trump were a new hire at J.C. Pennies, they already would have had that, I don't think this is working out for either one of us to us.

Right? Okay. And we're only up to Tuesday. Then it was time to pick the Supreme Court. nominee and Donald Trump made it like a reality show with finalists. I'm not joking about this. Well, Judge Neil Gorsuch got the rose. Probably because something he said to Trump during their one-on-one date in the hot tub. So it comes out today, this judge who they won on the Supreme Court, that's all right. In prep school, Judge Gorsuch started a fascism forever club. That's not a joke.

I mean, he really did it, was what I'm saying. That's not a joke. He thought it was a joke at the time, I hope. But that's the thing about conservative humor. The premise is always, what if I said exactly what I meant? You know?

Which brings us to the National Prayer Breakfast, which happened today. The National Prayer Breakfast, hosted by our new President Donald Trump, which would tell you all you need to know about the fact that prayer doesn't work. So this was the national... And it doesn't.

Now, on the bright side, having a crazy person as president forces you to look at things in a fresh light. For example, I've discovered that bloody marries aren't just for the weekends. Thank you very much. Catch all new

episodes of real-time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10. Or watch them anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on HBO.com.