Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill (Originally aired 6/5/15)

Episode Date: June 8, 2015

Bonus Bill (Originally aired 6/5/15)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's something else here now. Something new. From. Exclusively on Paramount Plus. It's the series Stephen King calls scary as hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi Vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules.

Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear. Very kind. Thank you. Wow. Good crowd, huh? Yeah, I can see that. Hot.

Smoke some bill. Smoke some bill. That is a character I play on TV, sir. I've never touched the stuff, but I'd like to try it one day. They say you're never too old to try news. thing. So I... Anyway. So a lot of news going on.

There are so many new Republicans who have joined since we went away for a couple weeks. I mentioned Rick Perry, who, by the way, not a bright man. When he announced today, he threw his ring into the hat. Yeah, he... He...

He announced at a military base in front of all these military guys and veterans and someone held up a sign that said, we support the oops. Okay, so he's in. Then remember Rick Santorum from 2012? He's back in. And get this, Rick Santorum, super duper Catholic,

is mad at the Pope, because the Pope wants to do something about climate change. What an asshole. And Rick Santorum said, better off leaving science to the scientists. I didn't, Rick Santorum didn't know this. I have to admit, I didn't know this either. But this is true.

The Pope has a master's degree in chemistry. I didn't know that. I know. In fact, he's such a good chemist. He figured out how to actually change water into wine. They don't have to do the magic trick anymore. Also, joining the race while we were gone, George Pataki.

I know. George Pataki, so obscure, he has to wear a George Pataki button at home. Or else his wife thinks they're being robbed by a large, boring white woman. man. And finally, the guy who got in, I'm very excited about this. Lindsay

Graham, Senator Lindsey Graham said made the decision after long heartfelt family discussions with his wife, John McCain. And he said, it's about time we had a southerner in the White House who had absolutely no interest in the female interns. And you know, look, poor Lindsay

undergoes a lot of rumors about being gay, only because he's super gay. I know what I mean. The only reason. Now, Lindsay, the guy who's always talking about how scared he is of ISIS, his campaign logo was a stained pair of underpants. At the announcement, get this, at this announcement, he was introduced by his sister,

who said, Lindsay Graham was like a father and a mother rolled into one. And Kylie Jenner said, tell me about it. One more. You know, all these, and listen to this. Coming in the next two weeks, five more. Probably Trump. Definitely Jeb Bush, Bobby Jindle. There'll be 15 people.

And they all have to go through this charade of forming exploratory committee. I'd love it once if the exploratory committee came back and gave them the answer, fuck no. Don't run. You're an asshole. Nobody wants you. But no. The answer from the exploratory committee

is always run, because it's either this or get a job. So, whatever. else when, oh, big week in a child molesting. Not for me personally. Just was a big week. Okay, first there was former Speaker of House, Dennis Hastert. He was a former wrestling coach,

who they found out when he was a wrestling coach was, you know, whatever. So, and he was also a former tobacco lobbyist. Boy, child molester, congressman. tobacco lobbyist. If I had to choose one to take off my resume, I'd be kind of stumped, I have to tell you. And of course, you're familiar with the Dugger family and their show 19 in groping. Yeah, and yesterday, Michelle and Bob, the parents, they went on Fox News to explain the whole matter. And they said the hard part was all the shameful lies. But they went on Fox News anyway. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10

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