Real Time with Bill Maher - Bonus Bill (Originally aired 8/28/15)

Episode Date: August 31, 2015

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It's something else here now. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus. It's the series Stephen King calls Scarious Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi Vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch.

Saving those children is how we all go home. From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear. You're very kind. What a crowd for a Thursday. Oh, and I have, unfortunately, bad news and bad news. The bad, first bad news, Tobias Stravel. He is the man who had plastic surgery to look exactly

like Justin Bieber. He has passed away. And the other bad news, the real Justin Bieber is just fine. Now, I don't know if you've detected what's going on here yet, but I am struggling to avoid talking about Donald Trump. But try as I might. No one can. I mean, he's 24-7 all over the media everywhere. The press keeps asking him questions

about his opinion means something on ever. He's this wise elder statesman. They asked him yesterday about mental illness. He said, it's a massive problem. You need to better do a better job. Treating it. But then he said, but not until after the election, because that's my base.

Whatever this guy says, whatever brain fart he has, is giant news now. Yesterday, he said, I'm never eating Oreos again. Oh, breaking news. Trump never. Because the Oreo people are moving their plant to Mexico. This guy just not like... It's true. That's why he's never going to eat an Oreo again.

This guy does not like Mexicans. He said he wouldn't even dunk any cookie in milk that came from a brown. cow. This guy really doesn't like that. But of course, all the other candidates have to fall in line behind it. I want at the next debate, I want the moderator

to ask all the other Republican candidates if they would sign a pledge also not to eat Oreos. Just to watch Chris Christie squirm. But in the latest poll, Donald Trump is pulling away from all the other Republican candidates.

Yeah, Trump now has 28% of Republican voters far away from the number two is neurosurgeon, Dr. Ben Carson. How ironic, a life spent curing disease minds, and now he's losing to one. And have you seen the people who are turning up at the Trump rallies? They look like they've been waitlisted for a lynch mob. They wanted to go to a tractor pole, but they didn't have the grades. But, see, Trump has been expanding his appeal from hardcore racists to casual weekend racists

while locking in the true believers like David Duke, the former KKK Grand Wizard endorsed Trump, white supremacist, neo-Nazi groups are coming out of the woodwork to endorse Donald Trump. And he's embracing it. He's got a hat now that says, Make America hate again.

And you saw the dust up he had with Jorge Ramos? Did you see that of Univision? Right. He was giving a press conference in Iowa, and Jorge Ramos showed up and started talking to him, and Trump was like, go back to Univision and had him thrown out of the room.

Well, now they're calling Jorge Ramos the Walter Crunkite of Latino Broadcasting. And, of course, Trump is the Ron Burgundy of American politics. But Trump, of course, when it was all over, it was like, oh, I handled it beautifully. but he said I want, of course, everything. And he said about Jorge Ramos. He said, look, you just can't stand up at a news conference

and start babbling confrontational nonsense. That's my job. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton's problems just get... And, you know, it's not her fault. It's all this email bullshit that is nothing, in my opinion, anyway. But she always has to come out and make new statements. Today, she said she should have used two email accounts. She takes responsibility for not doing that.

She said her use of just one email account was out of convenience, like her marriage. Well, yeah, looks like Joe Biden might jump in. The big news this week was that President Obama gave him his blessing to run, or as it was reported on Fox News, scary black man tells lovable old white guy, you better run. And how many have their money in the stock market? Because that was a wild ride this week, right? It's back to normal now, but it dropped a thousand points in one day.

and then it went back and down and back again. It's okay now. Well, it's okay until President Trump is going to put a huge tariff on everything from around the world causing a giant financial crash. But it'll be worth it because he can eat Oreos again.

Thank you very much. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch him anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.