Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #421: Jelani Cobb, Chelsea Handler

Episode Date: April 8, 2017

Bill’s guests are Jelani Cobb, Chelsea Handler, Ted Lieu, Evan McMullin, and Ana Navarro. (Originally aired 4/7/17) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series, Real Time with Bill Maugh. Start the clock. Thank you, I thank you, folks. I feel like a woman who works at Fox News. I'm touched. But I'll get to that. But I can't lie to you. Usually I say I know why you're happy.

I don't know why you'd be happy today. Today is a day Republicans are happy. They got their two favorite things. A right-wing asshole on the Supreme Court and Trump finally blowing some shit up. I don't know what we're applauding, but okay. But yes, that's what happened.

American cruise missiles blew up an airfield last night in Syria because the dictator there was using chemical weapons, which he has done many times. In 2013, 98 Republicans signed a letter saying bombing Syria in response to a country. chemical attack was unconstitutional without congressional authorization. But this is different because Obama was president then.

That would have involved bombing while black. And you can't do that. Now, this is very tricky for Donald Trump because the Syrian regime, of course, is propped up by Russia. And Russia does not want us bombing there. If Trump does the wrong thing, Putin might not reelect him. So... But you know what?

The temptation to use his new toys was too much. Of course, you know, he's new at this. The brass told him they were going to launch Tomahawks and he said, wouldn't, wouldn't missiles be better? But, you know, in America, you're not really precedent until you bomb something. You know?

Even the liberals were all over this last night. Everybody loves this fucking thing. Cable news loves it when they show footage of destroyers. firing cruise missiles at night, it's America's money shot. Of course, Trump made clear that the cruise missiles were a last resort.

The first idea was sending Kendall Jenner with a can of Pepsi. Interesting side note to this. No change in the Trump policy on Syrian refugees coming here. Republicans feel about Syrians in Syria the same way they feel about the fetus in the womb.

When it's a beautiful baby in Syria, it's sacred, precious gift from God. Once it leaves, you're on your own. And, you know, speaking of protecting fetuses, the Republican Senate has confirmed Scalia clone Neil Gorsuch for the Supreme Court, proving that in America, cheating still works, ladies and gentlemen, cheating still works. No, conservatives were elated.

Bill O'Reilly was so excited, he groped himself. Oh, Bill O'Reilly had a rough week. We learned that. We learned at the beginning of the week that he has settled harassment suits from women for three more. In addition to the two that we already knew about and another two who weren't suing

but are speaking out. Bill says he's a target, but that's seven. That's kind of a lot. Not to everybody. Bill Cosby said, call me when you get to 30. Bill's other defense is that...

He says, over at Fox News, they had a sexual harassment hotline, and nobody called it. Well, nobody knew it was there. And also, it wasn't a really great one. They would answer the phone. Fox News, sexual harassment hotline, what are you wearing? And, you know, this is, in addition to Roger Ailes, you know, losing his job because I think 20 women accused him. So, you know, something I think is going out over there.

In fact, the cleaning lady at Fox News said she was there late one night, and she heard moaning and groaning and grunting. turned out it was just Steve Ducey trying to do math. But it could have been... Yeah, I mean, one accuser of Bill O'Reilly says he would call her, and she could tell he was masturbating.

Possibly because he said, I'm masturbating. And, you know, apparently Bill does not take rejection well, because there's this woman, Wendy Walsh, who's speaking out this week, and she said after he refused to... She refused to go up to the hotel room with him. He, you know, he didn't like that. And he first thing he did was he insulted her handbag.

You won't fuck me? Well, all I have to say to you is your purse is a lesbian. I mean, all these women, their stories vary a little bit. The one constant is no one wants to fuck Bill O'Reilly. She used to be the big, big poor Bill O'Reilly. I mean, whether he's offering you a job or a three. threatening the one you have. It's never worth it to fuck Bill O'Reilly.

And, you know, I have to say, conservative sex to me, it's just weird, it's just different. I don't even get, I'm very proud to say, I don't think I have ever had sex in my entire life with a Republican. It's just, well, it's just too much work. I don't mind fucking somebody's brains out, but fucking them in? All right, we got a great show. We got Ted Lou, Anna Navarro.

and Evan McMillard are here and a little later. Our good friend Chelsea Handler is going to come out here. But first up, he is a professor of journalism at Columbia and a staff writer for The New Yorker, where he writes about race, politics, and culture. Please welcome Jolani Cobb back with us. Sir? Great to see you.

How you doing? Okay. Well, there's so much going on in the world, but we thought we would talk about one of the things that gets buried, you know, because the Obama, administration, it's like a swarm of bees. There's just so much shit going on that you don't realize. Okay,

but this is kind of important. Our Attorney General Jeff Sessions said this week, it's not the responsibility of the federal government to manage non-federal law enforcement agencies. So these are the local cops. He says, you're kind of on your own.

We don't need any outside agitators. And the consent decrees that Obama was working on. First of all, tell us what that is, and what you think about this. Right. So the kind of thumbnail sketch of it is that consent decrees came out of the 1994 crime bill. And it's one of those things that people didn't know about because it was a very unpopular piece of legislation. But what it did was looking back at what happened two years earlier in Los Angeles with the Rodney King riots was that it created a mechanism for the Department of

Justice to give oversight to troubled police departments. And there's a range of things that can happen. It can go all be up to, right, disbanding. a police department, but what most often happens is that they have... Problem meaning racist. Right, meaning racist, meaning excessive use of force, meaning corrupt, meaning all the sorts of of things that we've seen people protesting about recently. And so you, what most often happens is that something called a consent decree is worked out with the DOJ and the local department and the communities that are affected.

And they say, this will be a kind of reform agreement. These are the terms that we will have to move forward, kind of best practices for this police department. What Jeff Sessions has said, he's never been a fan of these, is that they're essentially walking away from them. And the irony here is that the Department of Justice is saying that they are not invested in police reform. Meanwhile, the police departments themselves are very much invested in it. And so in Ferguson, for instance, in Chicago. It sounds like just a big fuck you to Black Lives Matter.

Oh, that's pretty much what it is. It is. I mean, they just don't like, they never like that. They always saw it as somehow either or. You're either with the cops or with the black people. Right. And one of the more disturbing things that Jeff Sessions said, and he said this on a number of occasions,

is that he doesn't really believe in the idea of there being systemic problems in police departments. So say there are a few bad apples or a couple of active people who have tarnished their badges and so on. But when we look at Chicago, for instance, one of the places that will likely not get a consent decree now, and the incident that sparked, these concerns, Lequan McDonald,

the 17-year-old who was shot 16 times by a police officer who lied about the circumstances under which he shot him. Walking away, walking away, right. He was abetted in that lie by other police officers and then covered up, defended by their supervisor, by the police

superintendent, and then a cover-up that implicated all the way up to the mayor's office. If that is not systemic, then there's no such thing as a system. These guys want to bring back Giuliani time. You remember Julianne? You remember Julianne. I remember Julianne. Yeah, of course. There was not a good time. It was not a good time.

Not if you were a minority. Yeah, no. But I mean, this is going on with illegals, rounding them up. People at the border, people at the airports. It's Giuliani time. It's like he's emboldening the people with the guns and the nightsticks to do what you have to do. To make America great again.

Yeah, yeah. I think the main problem that you have when you talk about that way is that the police departments themselves, at least the people who have to run these police departments are not in favor of this kind of behavior. Because in Ferguson and Chicago and Baltimore, it was the departments themselves that requested the DOJ that come in and say, what are the terms that we can operate under in the future that may help us win back some of the respect and loyalty of the people who were supposed to be serving. And also, how with this, are we ever going to get

police departments back to what I think they used to be? I mean, they used to handle things with a flashlight in a nightstick. And now they empty their clips. You know, I remember this amazing statistic from a few years ago, maybe it's five or six years ago, that the whole country of Germany one year, the police only shot like 90 bullets.

Right. 90 bullets. That's a slow... That's a weekend here. Weekend. That's one incident. They all seem to fire every bullet. This kind of shit has got to stop.

This is training, right? Police need to be retrained, I feel. It's partly that. And one of the best examples of that is the LAPD. You and I remember what the LAPD was like in the 90s when the Rodney King situation happened. And as a result of their consent decree, they got different training.

They demilitarized the department. They diversified it. It's now majority officers of color. And they then started doing innovative things like sending out social workers with police when they had to respond to calls that involved a mental health crisis. So now, looking at what LAPD was under Daryl Gates, is now a department that people are actually looking at as a success story in saying this is what we achieve.

It's an awesome police department that I love very deeply. Especially on my way home from work. But let me read you this. This is the University of Chicago does a survey. They've done it for many years on race. And 55% of white Republicans say blacks are worse off economically, which of course is true. true. I could cite the statistics. Because most just don't have the motivation

or willpower to pull themselves up out of poverty. And I've always said this was the argument about affirmative action. When you are talking about affirmative action, you have one view. This. Or there's a reason why they're behind.

Which might have been Jim Crow and slavery and, you know, they weren't allowed to get an education for many decades, that kind of stuff. Or this. And these, of course, I bet you almost every one of these white Republicans who says that would say, I'm not a racist. Sure.

I believe blacks don't have the motivation to pull themselves up, but I'm not a racist. What do we do about that problem? The other part, I don't know how to fix racism. It's been here for a really long time. But this problem specifically, which is that I always say the new racism is not knowing you're a racist. Right. Well, I think there's... How do you get into that head?

I mean, it's hard because, you know, we have this kind of... of a la carte approach to reality now, where you can actually believe whatever it is that you want to believe. Right. But the thing that was also disturbing from that same survey was that I think it was 26% of Republicans felt that black people were less intelligent.

So there were 55% who was saying that they lacked the motivation, and the other quarter they're saying they didn't have the smarts to do it anyway. And so I guess it's just looking for that one 24% sliver of Republicans and trying to, I don't know, get them to proselytize to their breath.

Trying to get people to look a little bit below the surface. I mean, like, Trump is always tweeting about Chicago because there is horrible violence in Chicago, and it's mostly gang, black-on-black crime. How do you explain, if I was a Trump voter, how would you explain to me that it's not just black people or animals in the ghetto trying to shoot each other,

that it goes back to... Well, say, I think he would start by saying, look at those great tides of impetons. that we summoned for all the people who have opioid addictions and people who feel like they've been left behind and people who became such a part of this thing. Let's look at all those people and now imagine that they're black and say, can we extend that same sort of empathy? And then actually read about the history of this country and see their actual calcified legacies of racism that are responsible for where we are right now, heavily implicated in where we are. Great to meet another dreamer. Jelani, always a pleasure to have you.

Thank you for enlightening us. Jelani, Cal. Okay, let's meet our panel. Hey, everybody. All right, he is a former CIA operations officer. Wow, and a 2016 independent presidential candidate. Evan McMullen, Evan, how you doing? Good to be here.

Thanks, Bill. She's a Republican strategist and CNN contributor, and one of our favorite guests, Anna Navarro back with her. And he's my congressman. serving his second term representing California's 33rd. Ted Lowe. Don't forget to send us your questions for nights over at times.

You can answer them after this show on YouTube. Okay, let's talk about what everybody's talking about. Trump fired off some missiles. Everyone seems to be very jazzed about this on TV in the last 24 hours. Let me add some facts to it. First of all, I'd like to mention that he's really sliding on the fact that on Monday of this week, the Trump administration told Assad, you know what, we don't really care what you do,

whether you stay, whether you go. So maybe that emboldened him to do this on Wednesday. That's number one. Also, the Syrian regime has dropped 12,958 barrel bombs just last year. I guess chemicals are worse, and they certainly are potentially worse, but I guess if you die, you die. And the U.S. in 2016 dropped 12,100,000. BOMbs of our own in Syria on the other side of the war,

because now we're bombing both sides of a war. What happened that we've got to wipe out ISIS first? Well, I would, look, I would love to respond to that. It is a misconception that Assad is on the opposite side as ISIS. They are part of the same side. That's the truth. You hear Assad saying that he's attacking ISIS. That's not true.

He's attacking civilians, and that's what you saw with these chemical weapons attacks. Now, I agree with you. It's bewildering, and I've said this already, but it's bewildering that we have a president who was opposed to opposing Assad at one point, and then 24 hours later, he's bombing him. That's incredible. But they are on opposite sides. Come on.

No, they really aren't any. Really? So if we had bomb, instead of bombing that airfield, which, by the way, is up and working today, Yeah. If we had bombed the presidential palace in Damascus, because he's such a horrible person who killed beautiful babies that we had to actually take him out, that would not be good for ISIS? Well, look, it's just more complicated than that, Bill.

But you're really, if you're buying into this idea that they're on opposing sides, you're buying into Assad's and Putin's rhetoric, it's just not true. It's just not true. Any expert will tell you. It is true. It just isn't true. They're fighting for, Ted? It's not that complicated. Assad... What Assad did was horrific

with the use of chemical weapons. Yes. But the Constitution does not allow the President of the United States to engage in unilateral acts of war without congressional approval. Congress never authorized him. And let's not forget,

Obama begged them to do it. When they say Obama did nothing about the chemical weapons, Obama did something. He went to Congress. And he said, give me the authorization. And they went like, hmm-hmm, mm-hmm.

So Obama tried to follow the Constitution. What Trump did yesterday was illegal. You can't just fire cruise missiles into a country that's not attacked the U.S. without congressional authorization. Look, this is, I think there's a bewildering situation in every which way. That Donald Trump changed his position should not be bewilderinging. The man has had more positions in the Kama Sutra on just about every year. Confusing for Trump.

To wake up today and hear folks like a John McCain, like a Lindsay Graham, like an Evan McMullen, like an Navarro, actually be in agreement with what he did. It's even more confusing for those that supported him because he said he wasn't going to do it. Now, look, when he was campaigning, I thought he was a racist, misogynist, lying pig. I still think he is a racist, misogynist lying pig.

But he's also my commander-in-chief. And he just violated the Constitution. I don't think so. You know, we can argue about that, And we are a deeply divided country over that, but for too long we've been looking the other way in the phase of genocide. And there's a large part of America that wanted action.

There's a large part that didn't. What worries me is that, you know, we're in the phase now with Donald Trump of, oh, what does this button do? That's not good. And also, during the campaign, not just he, but a lot of his surrogates talked about, you know, what's the use of having this awesome military

if we don't use it, including nuclear weapons? I heard them say that. Why have them if we don't use them? Well, look, but I think your point about, you know, what do we do with this button? The good news is that he, amongst a lot of bad people he surrounded himself with, he surrounded himself with a very good secretary of defense

that was overwhelmingly confirmed by the Senate with Democrat and Republican support and who does know what he's doing. And a moron secretary of state. Have you seen this Rex Tillerson guy? Talk about a deer in the headlights. Talk about a guy. who is so sorry he took this job.

He's like, fuck, I didn't know I had to, like, talk to people and make eye contact and, like, explain policies and have policies. Or be second fiddle to... He just thought it would be a nice title. Secretary Tillerson sounds, right? Or be second fiddle to Secretary of Everything, Jared Kushner. Right. Who's now fixing Iraq.

He's now fixing the Middle East. He's skiing in Aspen. He's reinventing government, and he's going to gala with Ivanka. At the same time. All at the same time. So let me ask our liberal here on the panel. How does the fact that he went up against Russia, Donald Trump, fit into the liberal idea that he was installed by Putin as a stooge to do whatever Putin wanted?

This is not what Putin wanted. if you're facing possible collusion with Putin, you might just want to distract people. So you're pretty big distraction. I'm just asking. It might be. It might be. We don't know.

I've learned to not predict Donald Trump. But in this case, what he did was not only unconstitutional. There's no strategy. We don't know what we're doing in Syria, how long are I going to be there. He's got U.S. ground forces there now. They're more at risk of being attacked,

because he just attacked Assad. He has to told American people. people, what we're doing in Syria, he has not done that yet. Well, I mean, his tweets before this, Syria is not our problem. This is in 2013. Stay out of Syria. Do not attack Syria. Prison Obama, do not attack Syria.

To our foolish leader, do not attack Syria. If you do, many very bad things will happen. That's right. He should follow his own advice. Okay. But here's the other thing he said. I learned something very important this week. Babies are powerful.

He said even beautiful babies were cruelly murdered in this barbaric attack. No child of God should ever suffer such horror. And I'm realizing now with the Neil Gorsuch confirmation that it is a lot about babies, isn't it? You know, I didn't realize what the strategy was in 2016. They knew they had a loser candidate, but they kept that seat open on the Supreme Court for a reason. because there's a large part of this country, issues come and go. But the abortion thing, that stays with them. That is the most important thing to them.

And it didn't matter who was president as long as he put a guy in the Supreme Court who was going to stop killing babies. And I think that's what the Neil Gorsuch thing is all about. And Mitch McConnell played us like Hyman Roth and the Godfather. One of the smartest things, tactical, that Donald Trump did, during the campaign was put out that list of justices,

that potential justices that he would nominate. He actually stuck to it, and you're right. I know a lot of conservatives who held their nose, who were sickened by everything that Donald Trump stood for, but because of that promise, voted for him. And you know, it hurts my teeth to give the guy credit on anything, but to his credit, he was consistent and he stuck to his promise. And, you know, talking about babies, look, I'm a Latina, okay?

I can hold a grudge till the day of my death. So I get why Democrats are so pissed off over Garland. But this was the wrong fight at the wrong time. Fight it out when, you know, Ruth Bader Ginsburg isn't around. Fight it out when there's a liberal seat. You're like if Charo, new politics. You've dated so many Latinas, you know, I'm trying. He's dated Latina, so he knows what I'm talking about.

But she's right. And I think this is... About Latinos or about horses? Well, I'm not going to question you on anything. at it. But the point is that this is something that I understand the history. I understand that there's bad blood between the Republicans and the Democrats on this. But

this is something that will even backfire for the Democrats, because it could be that Donald Trump is going to appoint yet another justice. And now that the Republicans have gone nuclear... What will backfire? That this... What has just happened? Now that the Republicans have gone nuclear. So now the next

time he appoints a justice, it's likely to be somebody who's even further to the right, because he doesn't have to get over a 60-vote threshold in the Senate. And this This is not good for the country because there's no consensus necessary. Well, this serious story will go away in a day or two. It doesn't seem to be a follow-up strike. And we're going to go back to focusing on Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia.

And we should. I hope so. But Neil Gorsuch could be there for 40 years. And this guy has never shown any empathy toward a human being. Okay, and all the people... Please. Do I have to go back to the trucker in the freezing cold who was going to die? of the he sided with the corporation.

Right. Okay. But, you know, this is what we're looking for. So those people who said Hillary was the lesser of two evils, good luck with your back alley abortion. Now, I do believe in karma. We're going to get a Democratic president and a Democratic Senate. We will use those rules to our advantage as well.

So I don't have any conceptual problem. How about the idea of filibuster? A short-term gain for Republicans. a short-term loss for Democrats. The problem is that the precedent is going to stick around. It's a long-term loss for America and for the institution of the United States. What we should do is get rid of the filibuster altogether.

It always helps the conservative party. Here are some things we would have had if we had the filibuster gone when Obama was president. Cap and trade, public option, minimum wage at $10 and $10, background checks, equal pay for women, the Dream Act, the Jobs Act, the Buffett Rule. All of that would have happened without the filibuster. Let's get rid of the whole fucking thing.

Okay, you do that, and then what do you think you're going to get now with the Republicans? Things that you don't like. I didn't say now. Right, exactly. And this is the point. This is no way to govern a country where we're shifting back and forth between the ideal policies of the Democrats and the ideal policies of the Republicans.

This is not what this country is. we are a divided country. There needs to be some consensus building that happens in the Senate. It's painful. It means a lot of things that we wish would get done on both sides don't get done, but there's a reason for it. Okay, there was news from the Russia investigation this week.

Devin Nunez, you work with him in Congress. He's the head of the House Intelligence Committee. Oh, yes. He's the... We call him the Sherlock Holmes of Fresno. He is... What a... What a major thinker. This guy.

This week he recused himself. We didn't think this was going to happen. He waited for... God-breaking riddance. Yeah, for a long time. What changed? Why now? Well, that's what happened.

The L.A. Times put this on the cover. There's Devin Union's high school picture. And nothing could stop that. I would kill for hair like that. I'm doing a bit now. Sorry. Okay, go ahead. We'll get to your Latina answers in a minute.

So we thought it would be only ferret, because that's so awful, to show his and other Republican high school yearbooks from the Trump administration. Would you like to see the yearbook? Well, this is Devin Nunez, nickname Scary Seinfeld. His pet peeve was evidence. Extracurricular future prison bitches of America. If that was too rough for you, get out now,

because it's going to get along. Jared Kushner, favorite quote, more money, fewer problems. Activities, Middle East peace, getting tough with Mexico and China, reforming the VA, reforming the justice system, reinventing the government, solving the opioid epidemic,

and JV. Track. I think that's interesting. Stephen Miller, you know, this psychopath in the White House? Nicknamed Wedgie Bate. Favorite quote, want to hang out? No, okay. Excerricular. Future sniper. of America and solo dining.

The, God, I hate liberals. Voted most likely to wake up with a dick drawn on his forehead. Oh, that was okay. It's so inconsistent. Chris Christie, nickname Earthquake. Favorite quote, If you think I hate teachers now, wait till I'm governor. Ambition to button my jeans without lying on the bed.

Kelly Ann Conway, nicknamed Fibby Longstocking. favorite class really creative writing extracurricular debate club and drum major at all four years and look, she saved the costume

and finally Sean Spicer nicknamed Sphinctor and his favorite quote is What Does It Matter Whatever I say will be distorted by the fake yearbook Okay

She's a great comedian That's true Who hosts the weekly talk show on Netflix called Chelsea starting at second season April 14th. Chelsea Handler in those days. Hello. Okay. Always great to have you.

Thank you. This is my congressman. Mine too. Yeah. Nice to see you. You can lobby him after the show for our pet projects. He's on board. Don't worry. Okay. So listen. We're talking about marijuana. What a great week to have you here, because with all this explosive news about

Bill O'Reilly. We learned some interesting facts about sexual harassment. Before you move on to that, may I interpose, please? Sean Spicer, you know, when I think about him every day at these White House briefings, which I enjoy thoroughly, obviously, I just picture him down in Mar-a-Lago. You know how they've made that pitch tent

today? And they put him in that, because they don't have a real skiff, so they made a fake one, and they're like, oh, yeah, we have a private room for security purposes. Doesn't Mar-a-Lago sound like one of those water parks that was closed down because somebody swam in the pool with an SDD? You know, and he's like the lifeguard who's yelling at everybody.

Don't ask us any more questions by the pool. Yeah. I think so. All right. But women out there want to know. We learned this week, as I say, because Bella Raleigh's in the news, that 80% of women in America have experienced sexual harassment in the workplace, and it's only down 10% since 1976 when it was not.

90%. Have you, Chelsea Handler, ever experienced sexual harassment in the workplace? I've definitely sexually harassed. People? I mean, Anna, have you experienced it? I think I'm in the same category as you are. Well, I have to be very honest, because I don't want to make up a story that's not true. I haven't first. I mean, I don't know. I'm sure it's happened behind my back, but I've never felt in a position where I felt uncomfortable. I pitied a fool who harassed you. Right. You're right. I'd like to go work for Bill O'Reilly, actually, for a day and a half.

But I... What about the fact that no one wants to fuck him? I mean, do you have any girlfriends? He's a very successful man. Certainly somebody out there must want to fuck Bill O'Reilly. Let's get Bill O'Reilly laid. Let's try to reach out to the other side. That is very, very, yeah, that is very friendly of you. But if you think about it, if you had to choose between him or Roger Ailes, I mean, those are the two people you have to choose from. It's like, who would you rather?

I mean, it's really a shit show. That's a Hobson's choice. Who would you choose, Bill? Not up to me. I'm not homosexual. But Nancy Smith, who is represented Gretchen Carlson, said, going to human resources

in a company like Fox is like going to the KGB to complain about Putin. And then Trump said that he should have settled. He defended Bill O'Reilly. He said he's a person I know well. Bullshit. Trump doesn't know Bill O'Reilly well.

He talks to him on the air a couple of times. That's not knowing somebody. I don't think Bill did anything wrong. Bullshit again. How the fuck would he know that? Yeah, but also, he doesn't define that as anything wrong to begin with. I mean, he doesn't think that is wrong. He's like, you should be able to grab women who work for you.

That's fine. But also, additionally, I mean, I like how many advertisers are pulling out of Fox News because soon they'll only have people that are representing people who have been sexually harassed by women on the commercials for, Fox News. So it's a perfect cycle for me. All right, so in other

sexism news this week, I learned about something called the Billy Graham rule that I wanted to ask you about. No, I learned about this because of Mike Pence, you know, is a super duper Christian. Okay, he well, we know about this, right? I'm not making this up.

And he has these rules. No eat, this is called the Billy Graham rules. No eating alone with a woman other than wife. No going to a party where they're serving alcohol if your wife isn't with you. Because most women, they get a drink in them and they cannot control themselves from trying to jump on the right. Yeah, exactly. I mean, you've got a couple of drinks. You know, Mike Pence was there without his wife. You couldn't control yourself, right? I'll think about tomorrow. I'm fucking you

tonight. That's what it would be. Come on. Not if it was a Friday, no way. I wouldn't be able to control myself. I'm thinking about, you know, the whole Steve Bannon thing, how Steve Bannon may be going away or, you know, there's a river. Right. What do you think about? I'm like, well, they can't replace him with a woman because Mike Pence won't be allowed to be alone with her alone either. Well, I mean, there is a serious part of this, which is that

it affects women in the workplace. If you can't even have dinner with your boss because, you know, you're not the wife, that affects you as a woman, then you can't get the boss's ear. This is so Christian, it's Muslim. So does that rule apply to women who are also married?

He can't have dinner or meals with them alone if they're married? That's a good question. I don't know. But, I mean, it's fucked up. All right. So let me ask you about Jared and Ivanka because we didn't elect them, right? Did we elect Jared?

I mean, the list of... I think it was a package deal. Really? Because the list of his Jared Kushner's responsibilities, diplomacy with Mexico, with China, with Canada. He went to Iraq to advise about the war against ISIS, brokering the Middle East peace. He's going to do that. In charge of trade deals. In charge of the White House Office of American Innovation, reinventing government, infrastructure plan, modernizing the technology and data infrastructure for federal department. and agencies. Broadband internet. Reimagining the Veterans Administration,

solving the opioid epidemic, spearheading criminal justice reform. Then on Tuesday. What the fuck, Chelsea Handler? I mean, we are totally fucked. This guy better be really... Ivanka, first of all, Ivanka has sent a message to all, you know, powerful women across the world

that if you work hard and you show dedication and time to your craft, that you can get an unpaid job as your dad's assistant. But why he gets all these responsibilities? Why? Why? Why do we have to accept this? I don't understand. Please. Someone... Is there anyone who can explain that one man

could do all this? I mean, I remember... Do not look at me. Well, I'll explain to you what the real purpose is, because this is something that I saw while serving overseas as a CIA officer, and that is authoritarian put their family members in critical positions because they want control over those things. They don't want those issues to be accountable to the people. And that's what the problem here. And that's exactly what, that's exactly what's

happening with this administration. But the good point is, I mean, you know, Ivanka so far, thus far hasn't shown any sort of, I mean, influence that everybody's been talking about. Oh, she's going to influence him. She's going to exert her positive and her women's whatever she's talking about with women. I had high hopes. I did too, because she seems like a reasonable person when she's not sitting next to Donald Trump. Right. The problem is, and if Steve Bannon, if the rumors are true that Steve Bannon

is going to be removed from the White House and she has a part in that, then maybe there is some good to be had by having her there. If she is exerting her influence in that way, then I'm really, then I'll take it. I don't care if it's a daily and a dollar short. I'll put her clothing line back in Nordstrom's,

whatever. You know, maybe not the whole clothing line, maybe the belts and the shoes, not the whole thing. But if she can do a good thing like that, because Steve Bannon the worst. Apparently, I mean, Steve Bannon, who was the Sven Gali a week ago, and, you know,

to the point where a lot of people who make jokes, like myself, were making jokes about the fact that maybe Steve Bannon is the real president. I don't think Donald Trump liked that. And he had a clash with... Keep making them. Yeah. He had a... Keep making the joke. Right. Well, I don't think we have to.

Because I think there was a power struggle with him and Jared Kushner, and Jared said that Steve Bannon leads Trump to have, you know, gets his worst qualities out there. So I support Donald Trump in removing Steve Bannon from

National Security. Sure, I do too. Yeah. The president now needs to complete the job and remove him in the White House. Okay. Because Steve Bannon is crazy. And what do you... But Jared, right? That long list that you read? Yes. I'd rather have Jared do that than Steve Bannon. So, I mean, the president of China, we almost forgot about this this week,

was there. I, maybe he left now, but he was there last night at Mar-a-Lago, and he had his meeting with Trump. If it goes, well, he's going to meet Jared. And maybe find some investors for some properties of his families in New York. Well, Trump always was saying China, you know, they're laughing at us. I was doing some reading about China. They're building a national park that's 60% larger than Yosemite to save the Siberian tiger. Meanwhile, Trump wants to sell off our parks to the highest bidder.

They have a progressive sex education curriculum that even says it's okay for men to love other men, whereas Trump has appointed this nutcase to be headed the Department of Education who wants to defund planned parenthood. They're launching a cap and trade market in China, whereas this nuts trying to dig up coal again. Yeah, China's laughing at it. It's not because of a, because the brain deficit. Do you think... No argument here. What? No argument here.

But let's remember that we still have the power to choose our own leaders here in this country. And that's something that people in China don't have. And we need to work hard to make sure that our leaders remain accountable to us over the next four years. But do you think there's a chance that the president of China will leave him with a fortune cookie at the end of the weekend that says, We can only hope. I see an impeachment in your future. But how often are those correct? That's the problem.

So they're going back on health care. What do you think about that? I mean, I think this is an issue that could really trip them up because people pay attention maybe, maybe not, with everything. Wouldn't it your own health? I think that's one thing.

When you see a guy who's a clown who's just talking out of his ass, which is what Trump exposed himself to be on the health care issue, I think it's your health. I think that sticks. I'm on Obamacare, And I think a lot of people don't understand.

If you're a member of Congress and you want health care, you get Obamacare. I like it. It can be improved. So I'm happy to work with the president. It's more popular than ever. It was down at 42%. Now it's at 55%. I think that's a real microcosm of what's going on with the electorate.

They were like, you know what? Maybe we overestimated how bad things were in 2016. Maybe they could get a lot worse. Donald Trump did what Barack Obama. couldn't do. He made Obamacare popular by the majority of Americans. Right. And look, I would tell you, um, you know, if you put a gun to my head and ask me to tell you a silver lining to Trump's election,

I think something has awoken in America. We saw it in the Women's March. We saw it in the impromptu protest against a Muslim ban. We saw it in the town halls, people asking questions, demanding answers, demanding answers from the elected officials on health care. people calling, being engaged, calling their senators and their congresspeople. And this is not going to go away. People have a walk-

Well, that's not going to be good for Republicans in 2018. But it's good for democracy. Yes, okay. It's good for democracy. And I know you have said that you would support, I mean, you're so anti-Trump, you would support a Democrat over someone who was pro-Trump. I read you said that. Yes, I would.

I mean, look, I believe that if I were choosing, if I were choosing between a Republican who wasn't going to hold Donald Trump accountable, and the Democrat running would, then yes. I believe the right thing to do would be to support an Democrat. What happened in Utah? Utah looked like they could not stand Donald Trump, and they were ready to go for somebody else, like you. That's where you ran.

Right. And at the last minute, they were like, eh, not so much. Not so much. What happened? I was ready to love the Mormon. Well, we'll stick with us. We'll see what happened. But, you know, what happened?

is that, and people don't understand this, is that Utah was a never-clinton state before it was a never-Trump state, and that was the reality. And I went there saying, look, we need a better option than all the above. But we'll see. Right now, Donald Trump has an approval rating in Utah,

55%, or 54%, that's incredibly low for a Republican president. Also, still too high. Yeah, ridiculously high. Fair enough. But, okay, now, before we ran out of time, last week, Rick Santorum, who you guys know, was on our show.

And this happened before when he was on our show. He lied. Rick, I appreciate you doing the show. I like Rick Santorum. But he said if the EPA director under Obama said the Clean Power Initiative would have... He said the EPA Director under Obama said the Clean Power Initiative would have no effect on CO2 emissions. You could look it up. We did. Okay, here's what Gina McCarthy.

That was the EPA Director said. She said, I'm not disagreeing that this action, the Clean Power Initiative, in and of itself, will not make all the difference. Would not make all the difference in his world becomes would have no effect. Now, I don't think Rick Santorum is lying on purpose. I think Rick Santorum's sin is most Republican sin. They live in a bubble. They only see shit on right-wing blogs and websites and Fox News. But this alternative fact nonsense did not start with Trump.

It started a long time ago at the Sexual Harassment Network. But they would argue, the right wing would argue, that people like us are also living in a bubble. So we can say, but when people say something like CNN is fake news, that's just historic, I mean, it's the oldest institution of cable news that we have. There's no proof whatsoever that CNN is fake news. I mean, these are... There is truth and there are facts.

And they matter. And they matter. And it didn't start with Donald. Trump is the point I was trying to make. Yeah, but listen, but your characterization is not fair. You've got two Republicans here, who I am sure, think that blacks are not less intelligent or less motivated

or less anything. They are equal. We are all equal. And we don't, you know, and we do believe in climate change. But I'm just saying let's just not make it black and white, blue and red. We can't say there's not a bubble conversation. We live in a bubble, so we can't use bubbles. And there is some bubbling going

on with liberals, but not the same. That's a false equivalency. And when people lie, we have to call on them. Agreed. Absolutely. It's a ride show, so I can't do it at the moment. All right. We're out of time.

Thank you, panel. Time for new rules, everybody. New rules. Stop merging things that should be allowed to die. Yahoo and AOL are merging into a company called Oath, which is like merging Stephen Hawking's body and Sarah Palin's brain. But it did give me an idea. Let's merge Sears and J.C. Penny into a new store called Crappies.

New Rule in the New Study, the New Study in the Journal of Sex Research that says men bring their partners to orgasm more out of a need to satisfy their own ego than out of a desire to please their partner has to be reprinted in the New England Journal of Now You're Just Splitting Hair. And really, as long as the bus gets you. or stop, ladies. Who cares what the driver's thinking?

New Roll, now that Rachel Dolazol has released her new memoir in full color, Hollywood has to make a movie version. Oh, wait, they already did. New Roll, the makers of vegetable chips must make them look less like potpourri.

I mean, I can tell the difference, but think of the poor stoner who sees the potpourri and says, great, snacks in the bathroom. through him. New Roe, somebody has to tell the Chinese engineer who built himself this female robot and then married it,

that there's some weird shit even by Asian standards. The great part is he never has to wonder if she's in the mood because when she gets turned on, he always hears this. And finally, New Role, Republicans have to learn the difference between being

conservative and just being a dick. So much of what they have done. since Trump took over isn't moving the party in a more conservative direction. It's also not a libertarian move. It's just a dick move. Take, for instance, the bizarre decision to reverse the ban on lead ammunition. For over a decade, we've been moving away from lead bullets because when a sportsman experiences the exquisite joy

that comes from blowing the head off a chipmunk or a wolf and leaves it to rot, bald eagles eat the carcass, and when it has lead in it, it poisons. them to death slowly and painfully. If it doesn't have lead, eagles, you know, the symbol of our fucking country, before they were replaced by a trucker hat,

if it doesn't have lead in it, they don't die. Why not leave that rule alone? Because hunting is a sacred sport. Is it even really a sport? Is it a sport if one team doesn't know the game is going on? Were voters in 26,

asking that we poison eagles? Does it get anyone a job? Does it save money? Does it do anything conservatism is supposed to be about? No. It's just about some warped idea that the way to show strength is by being a dick.

And that in a nutshell is what republicanism has become, looking at any problem and saying, what would a dick do? What would a dick do if there was a pesticide that was found to impair cognitive development in children. Use it, of course. Last week, our new anti-EPA,

EPA, okayed the use of chlorpyrifos, which the Obama administration was in the process of banning because they had a no tolerance policy on substances that can cause brain damage in children, but President Trump says

whatever, I ate paint chips as a kid. And look at me. I is president. But, Really? Not even children in the mix stops you from the prime directive of being a dick. No, they see a chance to be a dick, and they grab it.

Same way, they lost their minds when Michelle Obama tried to get kids to eat vegetables. Vegetables? What is it? A high school or a whole foods? And school lunch programs? That just encourages a dependency on food. No more free ride, you lazy six-year-olds. You want to eat? You do what kids in China do, so ties for President Trump. I understand, or at least I thought I did, Republican principles.

Greed, fear, racism, sure. But why bring back asbestos? Yeah, asbestos, another dick move on their agenda. Who the fuck is still in the corner of big asbestos in 2017? What was the last time you heard someone say, yeah, we just bought a house, can't wait to move in, but not until we installed the asbestos. Finally, what possible reason other than spite could they have for killing the agreement Obama made with the car companies to get all cars up to an average of 55 miles a gallon in eight years?

This was a done deal. An industry that we taxpayers bailed out and is now making record profits already agreed to it. It makes the air cleaner. It makes us more energy independent. It saves people money that they can. spend on other things. It was a win, win, win, win. That's called a no-brainer, which would lead you to believe even Republicans could get it right. All they had to do was nothing. Their specialty. No, no, no, no. It goes against the prime directive of, let's say it together, being a dick. Very good. They know carbon is killing the planet. They don't care. because the main purpose of a car is to piss off liberals. Good gas mileage is for Europeans and lesbians. And a Republican drives a Chevy suburban

and always parks it in a space marked compact. That's our show. We're off next week. We're back on April 21st. I'll be here at the Microsoft in October. On the 7th, I want to thank my guest, Evan McMullen, Anna Navarro, Ted Lude, Chelsea Handler, and Jolani Cobb.

Join us down for overtime. on YouTube. Thank you, folks. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.