Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #434: Al Franken, Penn Jillette

Episode Date: August 19, 2017

Bill’s guests are Al Franken, Penn Jillette, Gavin Newsom, and Amy Holmes. (Originally aired 8/18/17) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night series, Real Time with Bill Maugh. Start the clock. I think I know why you're happy. Trump's vacation? Not going well. He is about as popular right now

as a neurovirus on a cruise ship. Wow. Trump supporters? Well, if there are any heroes, they're welcome. You're tired of winning? I'm asking... Because I feel like... I feel like the question of the week is,

how can we get tired of winning if the South wound shut up about losing? And that sucks... All right. I travel in the South. There are a lot of gigs down there. That's not the whole South. There are many fine people...

In the South. But not the ones who go to Klan marches. Here's a hint. Here's a hint. You're not a fine person. If the guy next to you has a swastika flag. That's a hint. If the party you want to go to looks like Comic Con for sociopaths, you are not a fine person.

But, look, I would never say that Donald Trump could not go lower because he's the king of low. But to watch what went on this week in Charlottesville and then to come out with, Nazis, they're just like us. He kept saying this, violence on both sides. Okay, first of all, there wasn't.

Sorry, but liberals don't form militias. They form drum circles. And even if there was, which there wasn't, you know what? There was violence on both sides in World War II. We were still the good guys. I didn't agree with everything. thing George Bush did after 9-11,

but he didn't side with Al-Qaeda. He didn't say, some of the hijackers were fine people. I thought it was so fitting that the lowest point in this lowly administration was Tuesday. The one day, he was back at Trump Tower, where the horror

all began, where he was fuming that the day before he had to denounce racist. And, you know, as he launched into his defense of neo-Nazis, who were chanting Jews will not replace this. Standing beside him was his Jewish Treasury Secretary,

Steve Mnuchin, and his Jewish Economic Council head, Gary Cohen. Now, neither one of them has plans to quit. But if they do, Jews will replace them. So right now, you know, the right wing is all pretending that this is about, this is just about Civil War monuments. You know, that's what the big thing.

They weren't racist. they were just not wanting these monuments to come down of Robert E. Lee and Stannwall Jackson. Trump said this week, who's next? Washington, Jefferson. Yeah, but, you know, we put up statues of Washington and Jefferson despite the fact that they owned slaves. For them, slavery was a bug.

For Robert E. Lee, it was a feature. And speaking of... Speaking of getting rid of racist eyesores, Steve Bannon is out. Yeah, that was the big news today. Trump told him. this bunker is not big enough for the both of us. No, because Bannon, come on, never got along

with Jared Kushner, who will probably take over some of his duties. So again, to the people chanting Jews will not replace this. Yeah, they kind of did it again. But boy, I'll tell you, the bodies are

parling up outside the White House. I mean, the number of people who have been, General Flynn, Reince Prebus, Sean Spicer, the mooch. Steve Bannon. I mean, this is going to sound a little racist, but why can't lazy white people keep a job?

So the question now is who is still with Trump? Because even his buddies on the right are all. The Manufacturing Council has resigned. The Strategic Policy Forum has resigned. The Advisory Council and Infrastructure won't take

his calls anymore. Mitt Romney, both Bushes denounced him. Conservative senators, like Bob Corker, denounced him. And perhaps the harshest blow of all, last night Ivanka made him sleep on the couch. So, I know, but, you know. So, he's a little blue. So, of course, what do they do with the president's down?

They have a big rally plan. They're going to go to Phoenix. Big rally in Phoenix. And his handlers want to cheer him up. And they're going to wait to the, you know, the eclipse is coming. They're going to wait until the eclipse happens. and then tell them there were 3 million people there.

And this is amazing. By sheer coincidence, 92% of the eclipse is going to be going over what they call the path of totality where the sun will be completely obscured and it falls over 92% of it over counties that voted for Trump. Just what we need, these people even more in the dark.

All right, we got a great show. Gavin Newsom is here on Lieutenant Fulm. A. A. A. A. A. Amy Holmes, and a little later, we'll be speaking with Penn Gillette. Wow. But first up, he is the best-selling author of Giant of the Senate and the junior senator from Minnesota. A great American.

Al Franken. Franken, Great American, Giant of the Senate. It's so great to be able to see you put out a book like that where there's irony right on the cover. Yes. You're allowed to be... Thanks for realizing that. Many don't.

No, there are some... So people don't get irony. Yeah, I know. But I want to ask you because you are a senator, and this week Bob Corker, among others, have made statements that we were waiting for them to make for a long time. What took people like Bob Corker and other Republicans so long? Exactly.

I mean, what took him so long? I've known for weeks that Trump is a terrible president. Always out ahead. All right. So is this a turning point, do you think, I mean, we've said this before. No, I ask the question. I mean it. Is this a turning point with how people view and treat Trump even on the right? Or will this be just sewn into his horror quilt? And in a month, we have forgotten it. And we've moved past it like we moved past pussy gray.

and everything else. I just, you know, a lot of people say now Bannon's going, because is that going to make a difference? The problem with this administration is Trump. And it's going to continue. So, and we've heard this, you know, when Kelly comes in, it'll be, you know, everything will be fine. And then, boom, he threatens nuclear war.

Right. You know, so, and, you know. That was last week, Al. That was, I know, that was so last week. But I'm talking about Kelly's tenure here. But this week was unbelievably horrible. This was a tragic week. And, you know, and Bannon on his way out was saying, like,

well, you know, Democrats can talk about blocks all they want. I mean, just sickening. It was just a sickening week. Three people lost their lives. This is... But I don't think he changes. This was Trump in all his... I'm not asking about him.

We know he won't change. You're a senator. You know these senators. You've made friends with these senators. Oh, will it make a difference in the Senate? Yes. Will the people who enable him? I mean, he's nothing without his enablers.

Well, here's my... There are a number of Republican senators who have been saying from the... beginning that they have a lot of doubts about him, but who won't go public with that because he still has 80-some percent of his base behind him. And that's their base. So politically, they're unwilling to go public. And there are some people that said, you know, neo-Nazis, there's nothing good about neo-Nazis, et cetera, but wouldn't blame Trump. So no, I don't, we are going to work in bipartisan ways. We're going to do it. Thank God their health care repeal

and replaced or whatever that skinny thing was, all went down. And we're going to work in a bipartisan way. Lamar Alexander, chairman of the Health, Education, Labor and Pension Committee, I'm on that committee, Patty Murray, the ranking member from Washington. We're going to work together to shore up the exchanges so that we can bring down premiums. And we can bring down premiums. And and bring down co-pays and cover people like they should be covered. And that's what we're going to do. We're going to have. Bipartisan.

And we're going to, and after that, we should be addressing pharmaceutical prices. Everybody here, everybody in the country knows I have a... I use only street drugs, though. I never go near pharmaceuticals. I know. You're very healthy. and just... But, yeah, and don't need the pharmaceuticals, but I see people here who do.

And... But... But... But... We pay more than any other country pays. Right. I have a comprehensive bill to bring down the costs of pharmaceuticals

as the ideas of a lot of senators, and we will work together on the help committee to address that. And it's so interesting. Reading your book... I mean, you are friendly with a lot of these people. people who are, you know, obviously, politically on another planet from you. Well, they're just different than me.

I mean, I mean, that's, we're representing different parts of the country. They tend to be, what? We're from, we're cut from the same stripe. You know, it's funny, you said something about, you use the word, a pill. If you're a pill, people are not going to work with you. I was like... Did I use that word? Absolutely.

My mom used to do that. My mom used to say that. That's why I was like, I've never heard that word, except for you. In your book and from my mother. Yeah. And you see, you're like the anti-Trump. He, even the people who agree with him politically, now they hate him. Because he's such a hateful person.

Yes, he's a terrible person. You say Mitch McConnell. Jeff Sessions, you like these people when you're off. You say when you're... You say when you're... Dabah. You say when you're... I've been friendly with them.

Friendly. Well, that's what... How's that different than you like them? When you're off the clock... Now, I agree with you. Politics, I've always said, is an extension of morality. That's why I can't really quite understand the Republican mindset. But you have to work together.

Of course you do. And there are Republicans that are very good to work with. And I've done... And you look, you're a small town. You're 100 people, 100 senators. You've got to get along with everybody in a small town. And so if I want to get legislation on railroad regulation with David VIII, Vitter I did a bill with, you know?

And but you make friends. Huh? The diaper guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that didn't figure into this legislation at all. When I first got there, I did a bill to get service dogs to veterans with invisible wounds. And I did that with Johnny Isaacson of Georgia. And he was my first co-sponsor.

The bill got done. We got dogs to the veterans. About a month later, we were at Teddy Kennedy's funeral. We were during this August recess, he said to me, I've been getting great feedback on this dog bill. Al, if you want me to co-sponsor anything, just let me know. And I said, well, I got a bill. It's a marriage equality abortion on demand bill.

And he said, I'll get back to you. But you have to be able to... Yes, as they always have. Talk to the other side, even when you don't like their politics. Of course. And if they like, my point is like when they like you, when you have those dinners, you said you can make milk. That was a joke.

I understand. I say in the book that, you know, when we're, I'm not going to write things like when I'm, you know, after, you know, squabbling on the floor, Mitch and I will go out to dinner and it'll laugh so hard that milk shoots out his nose. I didn't think. That was a joke. Yes, I didn't think it really shot out. out his nose out.

I've never gone out to dinner with Mitch. Okay. Are you happy? Why are you so sensitive about this? Well, I'm trying to give you a compliment and plug your book. And you're like, oh, okay. No, I never did those things. Well, do it directly.

Did you like the book? I really did. It's so great to see you funny again. It's so great to see you being able to be funny again. Yes. Well, there was a period. There was a period. But, you know, when you see...

And, of course, the reason why you couldn't is because you had worried that, oh, something in the past, I said, was politically incorrect. Now that Trump has broken all those barriers. It must look like, why? What was I worried about? Obviously, you can do what to say anything. Well, it was a different time. And when I ran in 2008, the Republicans built this $15 million machine called the dehumorizer. And it was... built with a state-of-the-art Israeli technology

to take all the humor out of anything I'd ever done in comedy and just leave an offensive thing. And so I had to... I thought being a comedian would be helpful. I thought people liked comedy. They do. They do. Yeah.

But I had to... Once I got to the Senate, having won by 312 votes, I wanted to show the people of Minnesota that I was serious, that it was going to be a workhorse. That's what I did. Yes. Next time I won by over 200,000. thousand votes. Absolutely. And, uh, absolutely. And when you and Gavin Newsen are the ticket

for 2020 for president and vice president. I'm not saying which one you're going to do even better. Al Franken, everybody. Al Franken. All right. Gavin. See you at dinner. Let's meet our panel. Okay. I'm telling you, we got the ticket right here for 2020. All right. So here they are. He is California's lieutenant governor. He'll be running for a governor of this state in 2018. I'm supporting him, Gavin Newsom. And she is a political analyst for Rasmussen Reports, one of our best and oldest, not oldest in life, but, you know, on the show. Friends, Amy Holmes is here. Amy Holmes.

Don't forget to send us your questions for tonight's overtime, so we're going to answer them after the show on YouTube. Okay, so there was international news. today and we're not going to address it. It was Barcelona. It was a terrible terrorist attack. Two. Yes. There's the second one.

And we are certainly thinking of the victims and everything there. But I just want to say radical Islamic terrorists have had many a moment on this show. This week is about homegrown American terrorism. That's what we need to talk about. And I want to... Ivanka Trump tweeted, there should be no place in society for racial

racism, white supremacy, and neo-Nazis. But there is, the Republican Party. I'm sorry to say that, but as I was saying to Al, Trump may come and go. But 67% of Republicans approved of his reaction to the events in Charlottesville. 68% that said that when he blamed both sides, he was being accurate.

I think that's way too high. And I know a lot about being way too high. But hold on. NPR, PBS also did polling that found support for neo-Nazis, white supremacists, whatever you want to call them, the alt-right. I mean, these are the same people that beat up Geraldo all those years ago. Do you remember where they threw the chair at his face? They might wear white shirts and khakis, but they're the same old poison in a new bottle, the neo-Nazis. And NPR, PBS, found that the support among Republicans and the general public was like single digits, 2%, 3%. They do not have the support of the American people. No, but this 67% approved of Trump's reaction to them.

So this is a little bit about the enabler thing again. Yeah, and I mean, look, and symbols of that kind of racism and white supremacy are everywhere. There are over 100 public schools in this country, venerating the failed leadership of military leaders of the Confederacy. And 10 military bases, 80 cities and counties that reference these same folks. So these symbols of hate, not heritage, are everywhere. And until those issues are resolved and those symbols have disposed of, we're not going to ultimately get to the place where we can kind of have the conversations

or advance the conversations that ultimately will address these issues. What responsibility... You're someone who works with Glenn Beck at The Blaze, and now Steve Bannon is going back to Breitbart. So you know this world intimately. Well, I knew Andrew Breitbart very well. I know he was on this show a lot. Absolutely. And he would have been appalled by the alt-right co-opting the Breitbart platform.

Andrew himself was Jewish. He had an adopted Asian sister. This was not at all in the tradition that Andrew was trying to create. Okay, but I was going to ask about Fox News, because I truly believe Fox News, as much as we blame them all the time, it's not enough. They are the Jurassic Park that took... the DNA of the Nazis and reanimated it. I absolutely believe that.

I believe that without Fox News, for years, giving the kind of poison they give over their airwaves, putting it into people's heads, and then the Internet, I think, which, you know, people say they're radicalized on the Internet. It gets weaponized. You know, before, if you were a neo-Nazi, you know, unless you found somebody in your town at the coffee shop,

now you can find them on the Internet. And then the president gave permission to them. So Fox News, the internet, Donald Trump, that's the perfect storm, that has put something that we used to be only, I mean, a week ago, we were making fun of this, this rally. We called it Cracker Chella and everybody was laughing about it. And now I don't know how many people are out there like this. Right.

Well, you know, with the neo-Nazis finding one another on social media, communicating, organizing. It sort of reminds me of pedophiles, actually, that. You know, before social media, you had to, like, lurk in your basement and around, you know, playgrounds. And now they can find each other online and try to create some political movement out of it and normalize it. That social media really is magnifying this, which is why the president had a special responsibility to denounce it. Yeah. And he had a special responsibility. Yeah.

He had a special responsibility as President of the United States to speak to the concerns and the values of his fellow Americans, which in vast numbers opposes this ugliness and this disgracefulness that we saw on the streets. I agreed that he needed to name it and shame it the way we do, radical Islamic terrorism. And let's face it, if they had been marching down those streets with ISIS flags, I don't think we'd be having the same kind of conversation.

Of course not. And, Amy, I agree with everything and just said. but how does any of the fact that he didn't surprise anybody? I mean, he ran... This is who Donald Trump is. And this is... For me, the reaction of people being appalled, including Senator Corker and others,

is rather disingenuous. Did they not pay attention to this last election? If they not paid attention to Donald Trump's entire career going back 44 years and discrimination lawsuits he was up against, did they not pay attention to what he said about refugees being animals? What's really strange here is that Donald Trump did use to know these things, that he gave interviews where he did denounce David Duke. No, he said he forgot who he was.

When he was running, but I'm saying when he went into politics, that is when he started to equivocate. And then he's when he's, right. He's been a racist his whole life. His whole life. I mean, it's his whole life. I can't agree with that. But it's, I mean, he's been involved in racially charged lawsuits,

not just as it relates to housing discrimination, but also in the casinos, and that's at a consistent narrative of being a bigot and a racist. Certainly, I mean, I'm sure you saw that National Review dedicated an entire issue to trying to derail Donald Trump's candidacy. There are plenty of conservatives who were critical of him throughout the campaign. I think the surprise here was that the answer was so easy, and it would have been so politically beneficial to him. I mean, to try to say that there are fine people who marches. along neo-Nazis. I don't care if they were doing a march for tax cuts. You wouldn't stand next to them. That's ridiculous. And so I think for a lot of Republicans politically, they say,

this would have been such an easy call. If I could, just one more thing about Fox News, because the Washington Post put up a really interesting video the other day, which showed the talking points that Trump said in his Tuesday press conference were the exact things that were on. Sean Hannity. Not just Sean Hannity, but he watches Fox News all the time. almost verbatim. And like, listen, over the last 20 years, I have encountered so many people, usually older people, older white men,

who I thought were normal people. And they suddenly were saying things at Hollywood cocktail parties like, Obama purposely ruined America, purposely. I mean, the fact that he didn't ruin America, he actually saved it from a depression, forget it. But they... Okay, all right.

Okay. But I thought, oh, Fox got another one. Now, your crazy right-wing uncle who ruins Thanksgiving is the president. Yeah. I mean, Roger Ailes did not live to see the promised land. He's like a douchebag Moses. He just never, he never saw how powerful Fox News is. That this is all the president does all day is watch this shit and then parrot it.

But Bill, I can tell you, having been on Fox News many times, talking with different hosts who are critical of the president, guests who are consistently. Charles Crowdhammer, you have folks on Fox and Friends, they have this conversation both on television and in the Green Room. Are there hosts that, you know, seem to be defending Trump no matter what he does? Yes, but there are plenty like Martha McCallum who don't.

But it's not just Trump, it's points. It's the points they give him. I mean, literally give him talking points. They gave him the talking points on the alt-left. All of a sudden he starts parodying these things. He literally picked... I mean, Fox and Friends, please. I mean, of all places. I mean, that's the ultimate man of a station of Bill's Point. So, no, it's become Russian television for the Trump administration. There's no

damn difference. So the question now that a lot of people are asking, I hear it all the time this week, is should people around him quit? I mean, he's obviously shown his cards, and he's not just racist adjacent, but he is this horrible

person. Yeah. What do you think? Because when it comes to, like, the generals, no. Yeah, I say, Keep the generals where they are. Because if he does something super crazy, you're going to need those generals to get on the phone to the base commander and say, he's nuts, don't fire the missiles.

And they'll listen to a general. And they've showed remarkable independence on the transgender ban. They showed remarkable independence on North Korea and all the... And Charlottesville itself. So I give them a lot of... But when it comes to these advisory committees

and when comes these photo-op-type committees, absolutely, if they have any dignity and self-respect, they will resign. But I agree with you in terms of that framework, that foundation of the national security team, those folks should stick around. But it's beyond me that Cohen and all these others are sticking around at this stage,

this administration going down with the ship. Beyond me. Yeah. Right. We need people, good, decent, accomplished people serving in government. And it would not advance. America's interest for the people that you just named to resign.

And I would also say we need them there to hem in some of the president's most destructive impulses. That's why I was so glad to see that Steve Bannon was out. When I saw that news when I landed in L.A. And I saw the dredge headline Bannon is out. I was like, Jesus, if I believed in you, I would praise you right now. Okay? You're getting rid of this guy that you talked about him being an enabler. We had reporting from the New York Times that Steve Bannon.

was whispering in Donald Trump's ear about the response to Charlottesville. It was not only bad politics. It was bad for our country. He then went on to say that he wants to continue having this sort of warfare. That is not appropriate advice to be giving the President of the United States.

No. And when you look at this list who have been shown the door, Bannon, Flynn, Comey, Yates, if we can add those to the list. Let's see. That's my worry. is that the people who replace these people

are only Stephen Miller's. Only the people who... I'm not so sure about that because you have to remember who Donald Trump is now, who his chief of staff is now. And that's General Kelly. And I've written about Mr. Kelly, General Kelly. He's actually apolitical.

He's kept his... Refuses to say who he voted for in November, which I think tells us about. He's had a rough couple weeks. All right. So I want to ask about these statues, but first, you know, when you look at these...

statues of Civil War generals on the southern side. I always wonder, like, what happened to Southern hospitality? Just the idea of, well, this offends some people. I won't do it. And you serve him some sweet tea. Yeah, it seems like the people who, you know, walk by these statues every day, never ask themselves a simple question, what does this mean to other people who are offended by So we thought we would come up with our own statues to show them a little bit, to show these heritage people what it would be like if you had to walk by a statue you didn't like every day. So say they replaced the Robert E. Lee or the Stonewall Jackson with Colin Capardick, taking a knee during the National Anthem.

How would they like that one? Then there could be the War on Christmas Memorial where they're pulling down the Christmas. The evolution of Jesus would probably piss off. The Jamal Washington Monument would be very... Which in many cities would be across the park from the tribute to jungle fever. That would definitely piss them off. This is Trump surrounded by Russian hookers. You see, there they are.

Just like many fountains. with the beautiful waterfalls. This commemorates a moment that made every racist shout never again. Magic dunking on bird. I'd love to see that. Okay, and finally, I'm honored to be a part of this magnificent edifice

carved into rock, along with Woody Harrelson, Snoop Dog, and Willie Nelson. Mount Cushmore, everybody. Okay. All right, he's the star of C.W.'s peddemeanor. and teller fool us and author of the bestseller Prestow, How I Made Over 100 Pound

Disappear and Other Magical Tales. Pend Gillette! There he is. Smelt. Smelt and running. Wow. You have lost a lot of weight. If you want a statue, win the goddamn war. Yeah, there you go.

I'm actually rather... There, point. I was going to say, I'm rather glad they didn't. I don't know. as a black person. Also, when he says, does this lead to George Washington's statue being brought down? Sure. Take them all down.

I don't know why there should be statures of men on public property. I mean, Jefferson was against that. We're not supposed to be kings and people we look up to. Let's all be equal. Tear them all down. All of them. And if they had slaves, tear down there, stay down their statues. I'm fine with him.

Not even Gandhi if we had a statue with him. I'm okay with Gandhi and John Coltrane. end of the list. He's from North Carolina. Why not here? Well, that's, you know what? You're a shy man. And I've always been fascinated by your politics. You know, I commend you because I know you didn't like Hillary Clinton.

I did. You're a libertarian, but you voted for. That's what a mature person does. You know, I... A mature person learns the lesson that they taught me at the SATs choose the best answer. There is not a perfect answer. And I have said a million times,

if you keep voting for the lesser of two evils, things just keep getting more evil. And I believe that very, very strongly. But when it finally came down to the actual moment, I know Donald Trump, and whatever you think about Donald Trump, he's worse than that. But wait, you're...

You're actually wrong. When you vote for the lesser of two evils, things get less evil. Well, yeah, but in the long run, they get more of them. But, you know, the thing that... Glad I proved that point. Okay. The thing that really struck me is listening to Al Franken,

listening to everybody out here, a year ago, I would have had a zillion things to disagree with Al Franken about. Now that we're here in Trump, I don't think Al and I could talk for three hours before we get to one point we disagreed on. Is that right? It's changed everything. Are you not a libertarian anymore?

I am, but still, there's so many... There's a triage thing happening. Trump is so terrible that we don't get down. You know, I was talking with Glenn Beck's the buddy of mine. And we always argue, I disagree with Glenn Beck on everything. After Trump was elected, I saw Glenn, I sat down with him and said, do we disagree with anything now? He said, no, we don't disagree on anything.

Trump is terrible. It's the end of the world. We're done. But, you know, as someone who has been, I guess, in 1994 or something, I said something about libertarianism, and ever since they've been, Bill, you're not a real libertarian. I'm like, you're right. I'm not a real libertarian. I believe in smoking pot, and that's about it. But you are a real libertarian.

And I believe in not smoking pot, but I believe you should be able to. Well, thanks so much. Now that it's legal. Yeah. He was out for it before Edibor was pool. I bless. I believe. I believe.

And gay marriage, too. I'm the only person who has never, ever had a puff of marijuana, who's been on the cover of High Times Magazine. That was true, because I was so in favor of it the whole time. That's because they're very high over there at High Times Magazine. They don't know the difference. I don't know what they're doing. But libertarianism.

Okay, my problem with it is it goes too far. I know you hosted the debate at the 2016 Libertarian Convention. Look, I was against suing the tobacco company, so I go with you that far. Like, people have to be responsible. But when it comes to lead and the war, water, pesticides and the food. I mean, look at all the weight you lost. You probably ate good

food. I did. I did. I did a lot of them. Okay. Well, without government help, you're not going to be able to even know what good food is. Libertarian is not an anarchist. Not against all government. I understand. I think that it has to be done in a case-by-case basis. I have one

basic question I ask, which is any problem that you have. I'd like to ask the question. Is there any way we can solve this with more freedom instead of less? And sometimes the answer is no. Okay. Sometimes the answer is no. And I also think as soon as you say you're a libertarian, the first thing they say is you want to get rid of all public schools

and you want no food being regulated whatsoever, no water being regulated. No, the first thing you want to get rid of is crony capitalism. The first thing you want to get rid of is those kinds of payoffs. The first thing you want to get rid of is the bloated government where people like Trump are finding ways. to game the system. And once we get all of that out of the way, then we can discuss, is there a better way to maybe make the government a little leaner? But it's not starting. That all sounds like common sense.

Oh, yes. But we're getting, you know, there's a lot, now I'm going to say something that you may actually hit me for. There's a lot of good. He's not a violent guy. I don't know what you're talking about. There's a lot of good that's going to come out of Trump being president. One thing is, we will reign in the power of the president. We have an absolute full-blown dangerous whack job. And now we're learning how to give less power. The other thing is we have now proven, beyond a

shout of a doubt, that there's no Illumani, there's no elders of Zion, there's no Area 51. Very true. Because if any of those people were in charge, they would stop this motherfucker. Right, that's so true. That's right. Where are the elders of Zion? Right. We want them

in it. Where's the trilateral convention? Exactly. They're not there. I was sure that you became president. Yes. Somebody, would say, listen, you came president, there's what we're really going to do, or you're going to get an embolism in your sleep. It's a simple now. But now it turns out you've got to be president, there's nobody stopping you.

And that's a good thing to find out. And that is a great thing to find out. There's actual some freedom. Isn't that good? But... Too bad we have to find it out this way. Yes, I mean, I hope you're right about something good will come out in the Trump

presidency. And I hope that and soon, and Gavin, we're talking about Russia. This is what all the liberals are hoping. for is that the Russia investigation is going to be the thing that oust this president. But you said it's a loser as an issue. As an issue for the Democratic Party. Look, and let me explain why.

That bothers me. No, look, I think it's the issue of cyber security, the issue of the sanctity of our elections. This is very serious, and this investigation is extraordinarily serious. And without the confidence of Mueller, I have zero confidence that these five independent committees in Congress would actually get the job done. So absolutely unequivocally, we need to get to the bottom of it. What I was saying, and it's an important point, is if you game this thing out and you get rid of Trump,

you're left with a problem. And that's Mike Pence, who actually can actually receive, consult it. Number two, even if this thing goes nowhere. You can't really believe that Mike Pence is as bad as Trump. Well, you may, and from a legislative perspective of, actually accomplishing so many of these, quote-unquote, conservative goals and answers. But Bill, here's my bigger point. My bigger point is not that. We have to have absolute

accountability on Russia, but the bigger point is Democratic Party right now. We're in trouble. And with all due respect, being in opposition of Donald Trump and focusing on emoliance and focusing on Russia may be important, but we also have to have a positive alternative agenda. Before the Russian issue, we lost close to a thousand state legislative seats. We're now at the lowest point we've been since 2001. What's the positive Democratic agenda? What's the bottom-up agenda? You have 196 people suing Trump on amulents.

That's great. But you only have 116 supporting Medicare for all. That's not so good. So we need an aggressive, positive alternative. So from a bottom-up perspective, a Democratic Party getting back to a majority and getting back on top, this can't consume us as profoundly significant,

as important as it may be. Well. Gavin, I would have to agree with you. Sure, you're a Republican. No, if he persuades the Democratic Party, that Republicans will be in trouble if the Democrats start focusing on economic issues, which was the number one issue.

What would the Republicans be saying if it was a Democrat in office who would allow the Russians? You're right about that. You're right about that. But you're not wrong about that. The fact that the Democrats have not been able to prosecute this case against a president

who's friendly with Nazi, and Russian. But hold on. Hold on, hold on, let me answer this. You asked, what would Republicans be doing? Well, I remember when back in the old politically incorrect days, we saw what Republicans were doing. They were trying to impeach Bill Clinton.

And what happened? They lost the majority, or they lost seats, rather, in the House. New Congress ceased being speaker of the House. You're equating a blow job with treason? No, no. No, hold on. Let me see me answer. What I am equating is that when,

one party goes down this obsessive partisan road. Goes down. I get it. Oh, boy. I get it. Unbelievable. Very good.

Finish your thought. Go ahead. I see what you're doing. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. When they focus on a narrow partisan issue that seems be trying to overturn the results of an election that voters don't like it.

And I don't think it's good for the Democrats to be doing it. And it certainly was not good for Republicans. It depends on what the guy did. But the point is, hold on, we have a special prosecutor. We have a grand jury that's being convened. We do have five, at least committed. They're all Republican controlled, so that's why I'm confident. I'm just talking.

The process is underway. But that's the process. I'm talking about the political side. I'm talking about what the, I said this last week, the Republicans wouldn't be waiting for what Robert Mueller says officially. They would be saying, this guy is a traitor. He let our lifelong adversary into our system. And also, what's the plan?

Yeah. What's the plan? And it's an ongoing thing. What is the, what is the plan to stop it from happening in the future? What is the plan? You were telling me you don't think the Democrats are talking about this? It's all they talk about. Oh, please.

Maxine Waters is talking about. They're not, they're not saying. Democrats who are trying to draft articles of impeachment. If they were talking about it the right way, they would be saying, oh, by the way, Trump and his son are traitors who are trying to take away your health care. I hear plenty of time for the Democratic

side of the aisle. We know that's true, but let's get the investigation and get the proof. Yeah, and so we're seeing again, not what the Republicans would do. Let's wait for the final vote to come in. No. Is that what they did with Benghazi? But as a pet. Let's wait for all the facts.

No, they made it an issue for four years and it was a non-issue. Are you actually advising the Democratic Party to focus on this as their winning issue for the midterm in 2018? Absolutely. There is no bigger issue than Russia,

Russia, coming into our election. I get it, but, Bill, no, I get it. You can walk and chew gum. We can do both things. Look, I'll tell you, I just did two town halls this week. I've done a dozen of them. I've met with thousands of folks. God is my witness.

Not one human being. Anywhere I've gone has asked me about this. You know what? But they're asking me about... And that's the difference between Republicans and Democrats. Democrats follow the polls, and Republicans change them. Republicans go, oh, you thought John Kerry was a war hero? Because he was a hero in a war?

No, he wasn't. Oh, you thought Russia was our enemy? No, they're our friend. They changed the... You're right about their electoral strategies. You're right about that. If you were to actually look at the polling right now, I'm sure Republicans would dream of trying to change the polling.

I mean, their approvals are low, the president's approvals are low, Congress is even lower. I mean, I'm not sure where this magical power you're talking about that Republicans have. When they look at the polls, they actually see a big disaster in front of them. Somebody once said to Dick Cheney in an interview, the Iraq war is not very popular, and he said so. That's their attitude. Well, that was his attitude toward governance, and we're going to make this decision. These guys know how to win at all costs. What you're suggesting is a separate issue, and I completely agree with it.

These guys don't screw around. They know how to use money. know how to use the media, as you pointed out. They know how to use gerrymandering. They know how to win at all costs. They're not about noble defeats. I agree with that. The same time, it's an and not an or. And I promise you, if we exclusively focus on that,

we're in real trouble because the party's already in trouble before this last election. But I'm talking to a guy who was for gay marriage and pot legalization before it was popular. I appreciate that. Yeah. No, I appreciate it. I appreciate that. So does my gay lover, Penn Joe. And I'm about accountability. And if there's any collusion,

we've got to hold them accountable, we've got to impeach them, and you've got to lean in on that. You've got to make sure this prosecution goes forward, and the grand jury is convened, and we've got to make sure we get all the facts. I couldn't agree with you more. Could I just say that Mike Pence is not worse than Donald Trump? Mike Pence is not a Russian spy.

Mike Pence doesn't poop tweet at three in the morning. He also knows a little bit more. about how to do things. And the only good thing about Trump, as the pathological optimist, the only good thing about Trump is he's getting really nothing done. He's saying horrible things

and filling people with hate, but he's not getting much done. And that is actually... If he knew what he was doing, it would be terrible. Hold on. That's not great news. That's not great news. Great news, baby, was overstating it. Right.

When you have Obamacare running into trouble, it does need to perform even Democrats agree with that. So it is not great news when we're not tackling the problems that are in front of us. And I think that's part of where Republicans and conservatives are with Donald Trump, whatever their disagreements, they don't think that, you know, being frozen in place is great for the American people. I was saying for those who didn't agree with the Republicans, it's great he's not getting something done.

What I'm afraid about is that Pence might get things done. We've lived through Mike Pence. It was called George Bush. Okay. It's not good, but... Right, it wasn't good. But if you think it's the same... If you think it's the same as a completely insane narcissist

who might fire nuclear weapons... It's different. I mean, this is a guy who supports conversion therapy. He wants to pray away the game. It's too conservative. Like, that's going to be a law. But I'm just saying, no. It could be.

But let me... Compare to nuclear war. Let me... Let me challenge, though, another paradigm here, which I think we have to be very careful, that Trump hasn't been effective because we're not, I think, keeping our eye on the ball.

What comes up in every day... town hall I talk about is the effectiveness of Jeff Sessions as it relates to reconstituting the war on drugs, an asset forfeits or Caesars, issues of the Department of Justice as it relates to voter suppression, the Texas ID laws of voter purges as it relates to

what's happening in Ohio. There's a lot of things happening in North Carolina. I got to be careful about this. Those are things that's serious things. Those aren't things Penns Woodley here. Very serious. Got to be careful. All true. And the president is a Nazi. Anyway, time for new rules. That's my final...

All true, but the president's adopted. That's all I'm going to do. I'm wondering you've ever said that and it's probably true. All right. New Rule, white nationals have to explain why their Tinder profile pictures look like this. But when they show up, they look like this. New Rule, now that Amazon is pioneering instant pickup, a service that allows customers to go out and physically get the things they buy.

Someone has to tell them that they just invented the store. invented the store. New rule, guys who figured out how to send women unsolicited dick picks using iPhone. Ooh. All right. You're getting a lot of them, Amy?

Using... I'm sorry. I thought... I think it was that big a deal. Okay, fine. Using... Shut up, everybody. This is my part of the show.

Sorry. Go back to the beginning of this one. New Rule, guys who figured out how to send women unsolicited dickpicks using iPhone's AirDrop feature must tell us if that ever worked once. Then they must man up, buy a raincoat, and do it for real. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

People flashing people. Exactly. We are losing a sense of human contact. Not everything is taking place on a screen. Doesn't anyone have the balls to show their balls anymore? New rule to raise money, America must hold a national lottery to see who gets to tell this asshole that he's about to go live with a whole bunch of black people. New rule, remember to flush.

This guy didn't. After taking a dump at a home, he burglarized. So police got a DNA sample, looked it up in the database, and then went to his house and arrested him, and he asked them, how'd you get me? Fingerprints? Security camera? And they told him, no, shit, Sherlock. And finally, new rule, sometimes bipartisanship isn't the solution.

It's the problem. You might be surprised at how many times the far left and the far right, otherwise known as the right, actually work together to make a problem worse. For example, they both resist globalization. The far left because it can exploit workers. The far right, because their country music station switched to Mexican. Right and left have bonded in believing 9-11 was an inside job.

Somehow a leftist like Oliver Stone and a wannabe dictator like Trump, both think Putin is a great guy. And then there's something I like to call the bipartisan pro-fat movement, despite the fact that obesity accounts for 18% of the deaths in America and a huge chunk of our health care bill, and is the main reason people wear sweatpants in public. I love sweatpants. I'm working now.

Shut the fuck up, everybody. Also makes it easy for dickpacks. In liberal circles, the worst thing anyone can ever do is mention weight, because that's fat-shaming. And to conservatives, any attempt to even offer guidelines about what to eat, well, that smells like social engineering,

as opposed to freedom, which smells like bacon. Now, you remember, the right was infuriated back when First Lady Michelle Obama was trying to impose her radical Black Panther agenda of encouraging kids to eat healthy. Sarah Palin went so far as to defiantly show up at a school with plates of sugar cookies. That'll teach you kids to eat a carrot. How did vegetables get to be un-American? Okay, super patriots, eat what you want, but let's get real.

These colors don't run because these colors can't run. But the rotund right is not alone in promoting tolerance of a national health crisis. Back when they both had jobs, Steve Bannon was asked why Sean Spicer was spending less time in front of the camera. And he joked, oh, well, Sean got fatter. Okay, not the greatest joke ever, but a joke. Yeah. Not to Chelsea Clinton, it wasn't. she tweeted, fat shaming isn't a joke I find funny ever.

Oh, Christ, even your mom knew when to fake a laugh. I'm sorry, but pretending everyone is beautiful at any size is not helping them, it's enabling them. But among the shaming police, the most important message you can ever send an obese person is that your body is perfect just the way it is, prone on a gurney. You know, I'm right. You see headlines on liberal websites like body positivity has no size limit. Really? No limit at all?

There's no middle ground between shaming and shamu. But wait, it gets worse. Not only are left and right united on what goes in your mouth. They've also declared open season on the words that come out of it. Free speech is under attack from both sides. You have Trump who says fake news. so many times a day, it's like he has totalitarian Tourette's. A president, an American president,

calling the fourth estate the enemy. He's also called them scum, disgusting, really bad people. And he wants to change libel law so he can go after people who insult him and, in his words, sue them and win lots of money. He tried it with me four years ago, to the tune of $5 million, similar to because I demanded he produced you remember this, his birth certificate and prove he wasn't part

orange-haired orangutan. I mean, a lot of people were saying it, a lot of people was saying it. And then there's what's going on on the left. Oh, we have our own anti-free speech brigade, which you might know by their other name, college. Where the most popular major these days is outrage. With a minor in canceling speaking engagements.

Berkeley was the home of the free speech movement. Now it's enforcing speaking bans. That's like the Catholic Church enforcing an age of consent. So there you have it. Next time someone pines for bipartisanship, just remember, when people of goodwill come together across the aisle, we can fuck up anything. All right, that's our show.

I'll be at The Mirage in Vegas, September 8th and 9th. I want to thank Gavin Newsom. Amy Holmes, Pendelot, and Al Freck. Join us now on overtime on YouTube. Thank you, folks. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO On Demand.

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