Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #440: Billy Crystal, Russell Brand

Episode Date: October 7, 2017

Bill’s guests are Billy Crystal, Russell Brand, Harold Ford, Jr., Olivia Nuzzi, and Steve Schmidt. (Originally aired 10/6/17) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night series, Real Time with Bill Maugh. Start the clock. I'm glad you're in a good mood. Let's get right to the disasters. She, right? I mean, Puerto Rico, Las Vegas, Donald Trump.

We had a rough week, and he does not make it better. You know, you've heard that term, first responders. He's got a new thing, worst responder. He finally went to Puerto Rico a week after. the storm, he said he would have come earlier except his hairdresser told him it was

too dangerous. You don't want the wind to do that thing. And he lands on the island like Ponce de Leon and, you know, the natives immediately said, can we have the hurricane back? And then he has this meeting. He says, the first thing he says, I hate to tell you, Puerto Rico,

but you've thrown our budget a little out of whack. We spent a lot of money here in Puerto Rico. go, oh, that is so Trump. I know you've had the worst time ever in your whole life. Let me just pull up your account. Then he calls the mayor, who's just asking for help, a nasty woman, and throws paper towels to the crowd. And then he says, it's not a real catastrophe like Katrina.

And they said, well, you're not a real president, like Obama. So are you starting to see a pattern that the most important, thing that has to happen with this disaster, is Trump being praised? The other thing he said, as soon as he hit the ground in Puerto Rico, the governor says, giving us very high grades. If we could just somehow harness his ego, we could power the entire island. Today, he said he's really starting to question whether the people of Puerto Rico fully understand and appreciate the extent of his suffering.

You know, like a joke. But, uh... What happened to that one? Never mind. So then he goes on Twitter to whine how the no-good, mean, fake news media spoiled his great day in Puerto Rico. Yeah, they pulled that fake news.

Dirty trick they always do, where they videotape him doing exactly what he does and says, and then show it on TV. You know, that dirty trick? So... So the number of things. The next day, his no-emphathy tour rolls into Las Vegas, where he tells them that they're lucky,

that it's not worse, and more people didn't die. You know, first of all, I'm so sick of all the reactions. I'm so sick of thoughts and prayers. First of all, thoughts are the opposite of prayers. A thought is, what should I do? A prayer is wishing on a star. Thoughts and prayers are the Republican way of saying tough shit. Uh, you know, I hear this a lot on TV this week.

You know, what do we tell the children? How about we're moving to Canada? No, we're still here. Don't forget that. No, Roger Stone, you know, Trump's albino assassin. Peace. Oh, Roger. He said if Trump even thinks about doing something about gun control, the, quote,

base will go insane. How will we know? is my... What is... Oh, and... Well, that is not enough to make you shit your pants. Dear Leader had dinner

the other night with the military chiefs, and at the end of it, he said, this could be the calm before the storm. And people, what are we talking about? And he said, you'll find out. Yes, tune in next week for the next exciting episode of The Edge of Madness.

Will North Korea get a bomb or a rose? We don't know. Calm before the storm. It could mean anything. Either he's about to start a war or he ate too many prunes at dinner. Rex Tillerson is so right. Did you see that?

Rex Tillerson, the Secretary of State, our top diplomat called him a moron. And won't deny it. Is that deny it? In fact, he won't deny it until they dug a little deeper and found out He actually called him a fucking moron. And now, this country, now they're debating that,

whether he said moron or fucking moron. I say, ask Melania, if anybody knows about fucking morons. Great show. Hanozzi and Steve Schwitt are here, and a little later we'll be speaking with Russell Brand. I'm a big fan of his friend. First up, talk about a big fan. I love this guy, the actor and comedy legend

who started City Slickers. analyze this when Harry met Sally. His memoir still fooling him is now in paperback. Mr. Saturday night here on a Friday. Billy Crystal ladies and gentlemen. Standing. Very funny. Oh, please. No, no.

But, look, there's so much bad stuff in the news that I said, you know, usually I'm talking to an expert about it. I said, no, I want Billy Crystal. Yeah, good time, huh? Wow. Wow. You know, first thing I want to talk about is, I know you

tour like I do. And I have been in restaurants where people have guns. Yeah, Texas. Texas, not just Texas, but yeah, that's one state. I mean, I've seen it in lots of places. And boy, you really realize that we live in a little bubble out here when you see that, right? Oh, yeah.

I did this tour, and it was great. But San Antonio, Houston, there was guns in the audience. I thought cell phones were a problem. That's a heckle. But you see him on a coat rack in a restaurant. You see that

Right. People with holsters. I mean... Back of a truck. Yeah. They're... Very well-behaved waiters, though, I have to say. But it's... But it's... it's the culture that we have. And it's... We love our guns. Yeah, that's the problem.

That's the problem. It's the psychology, I agree. And it's in our culture. Yeah. The language of guns is in our culture. What do we want from a politician? We want a straight shooter. Oh, look at her. She's half-cocked. You know, if the song is a hit.

It's number 10 with a bullet. A bullet. Watch a football game. It's all guns. They're in a shotgun offense. Right. You know? He's got a rifle for an arm.

He's got a lot of weapons in his arsenal. He looks down field. He's got the receiver in his sights. He hits him with a bullet right in the chest. It's all in violent. And this horrible thing about, well, we don't want to talk about it now. It's not the time to talk about it. Right. Never when it happens.

I don't understand. I don't know, of course, not. It's ridiculous. I mean, when is the right time? I mean, we have another hurricane heading our way. When are we going to talk about that? When is Scott Pruitt going to realize that he's the head of the Environmental Protection Agency? Oh, plus 33,000 jobs. We had the worst job report in seven years because of the hurricane.

So you'd think the party of business would get that in their head. You know, the one thing that might ring a bell. No, but there's money here. Bill, this is a huge belltering. Yeah. You know, this is a real... This is a real gun. When you're in places like that, I always say this.

I'm curious if you find the same thing. I like the audience is even better in a red state. They are more surprised to see me. I don't know about you because you're, you know, you appeal to everybody. I don't have that. I don't have that luxury. Oh, come on. But no, I mean, you know, the conservatives don't come up.

But there are liberal people in red states, and I find audiences are different. in the Trump era. Yeah. A lot of more shouting out, supportively, but they're just, they are crazy. Everybody's a little crazy. It feels like wrestling. It feels like professional wrestling.

Trump feels like Vince McMahon from the beginning. He was like, we're gonna show up Thursday. I don't, you know, it's that kind of stuff. Isn't he awful? It's just awful. So I was on stage, and they're very emboldened, because they love to yell at you. Yeah.

So I don't do a lot of political stuff, but I stumbled into a really funny thing. I was talking about my old friend, Howard Coasell. Oh. And I had known Howard for years. Kids, you know Howard Cousel? And one year, Howard would have voted the most loved and the most hated man on television in the same poll. So he's very similar to the guy running the show right now.

Yeah. You know, love hate, love hate, love hate. And so I said, you know, I loved him because he was smart. He was outspoken. He was brazen. He had contempt for society. and he just, as he would say, I told it like it is. In sports.

Yeah, but wouldn't he be great covering the White House? There's the guy I want, so I started riffing on it. Let's take a look at this cabinet up close and personal. This is the cabinet of Dr. Coler Garry, if I've ever seen it. Let's start with Betsy DeVos. Education. One should actually have an education before you get that job. Then there's Vice President Mike Penn.

This guy looks like one of the men who chased the von Tropp family into the aisle. So I'm scoring lefts and rights, right? So I finish the thing, and you know, you finish a big hunk. Then it settles and you move on to your next thing. Out of the dark, a woman yells at me. Honor the president! Crowd booze. They boo.

And I went, folks, I'll handle this. I went to college for this. Let me do this. So what is it, man? Honor the president. She won't stop. So I say to him, listen, when he honors all Americans, then I'll honor him.

Big applause from the audience, right? Honor the president. She won't stop. Now you feel like you could lose the show. So I said to her, listen, I appreciate that you love this man. I appreciate that. I respect that.

So I'm going to use his own words on you. Get her out. I don't know if I would have been that nice to her. I don't. I mean... I have trouble being that nice to a Trump supporter like that. Because he's so insensitive.

Of course, it bothered me that he got elected. It'd bother it be more that so many people in this country would vote for somebody so vulgar. I know. And who's been so rotten to so many people in such a personal way? He is the most... I mean, what is your favorite insensitivity of Donald Trump?

There's so many to choose from. Oh, well, it's when he doesn't say something that's all so awful. I mean, all the comments about... From the beginning of the debate, I hated the taunting, the little Marco... Yeah. I don't...

You know, now the Little Rocket... Man, I hate that. I mean, I wasn't a... I'm not a big guy, so when everyone taught me, I don't like it, but, you know, this guy's got missiles. Right. Yeah. Just shut the fuck off.

But... Holocaust Remembrance Day. He doesn't mention the Jews. Right. If any, there's a day to mention the Jews. Right. It's Holocaust Remembrance Day. Then when they march in Charlottesville

and they're screaming, Jews will not replace as Jews will not replace. He's the grandfather of Orthodox Jewish children. Sure. His son-in-law, who he loves openly, is an Orthodox Jew. His daughter, who he loves suspiciously. It's a Friday night.

Yeah, I was going to say. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't say anything, except there's some very fine people. Some very fine people were yelling the Jews are not replaced us. And that's where you just, if there was a god, Joe Lieberman would be vice president. So when this schmock is impeached, the Jew would replace him. So I had a show a few weeks ago with Salman Rushdie and...

I saw it. Tim Gunn and Friendly Bewitz was here. And there's four people over 60. And we got to talking about age because I said, this doesn't often happen on TV. And I thought, you're coming on. and I are both now rapidly approaching 40. On my IMDV page, maybe.

And it's sad that they laugh so quickly, isn't it? I understand. But it sort of is the last group of people you can shit on in America, isn't it? I mean, there's every sort of shaming. Yeah. Slut shaming and victim shaming and fat shaming. But if anybody screws up, who's, even our age or older, immediately you go to not an individual. Well, what do you want? He's 80.

But, you know, Clint Eastwood's 85 and Woody Allen's 80-something and they're still making movies. Yeah. I feel it's individual, but what do you think? Well, I'm going to be 70. See, I mean... Still pretty good. That bothers me. That it just...

I hate that. Oh, you're still alive. I know. Fuck you. I'm still alive. Yeah, we're still alive. It's not a miracle. You know, when you say... Yeah, but married 20 years, that's a miracle. Yeah.

Well, I've been married almost 48 years. That's a real... But the thing is, you know, I talk about it in my show, because that's where I'm at now. I can't talk about dating. Right. No, yeah. Hey, your oxygen 10 of mine.

You know, I can't... You can't do that. Want to see some spider veins? But... You're not helping. I'm not helping, you know. You know, but that's the way it is. And it's...

But it gives me, I think, a little perspective that I didn't have... There are things that I know I would not do now that I might have done earlier. And things piss me off more. I'm becoming, you know, the guy in your neighborhood who don't hit it into Old Man Crystal's Yard. You're not going to get that ball back, you know.

But... You earned it. You earned your cranky. You know what I was really cranky? Embrace it. Sean Spicer at the Emmys. piss me off big time. Perfect. Right? All people we know

taking selfies with him in the green room afterwards embracing him, kissing his cheek. This guy, this half-man, half-Jack Russell Terrier was the liar. Was the voice for this crap. I mean, Hitler didn't use poison gas on his own people. Even Mel Gibson said,

Oigah, what an asshole. But, you know, I would never have... I would never embrace that. And so that really turned me off. Well, I hope you keep getting pissed off. Well, we have a right. Because it creates comedy. Yeah.

But you know what else, Bill? I know we've got to go soon because I saw the three horsemen or the apocalypse in. This is like doing the voice. Are they going to, like, turn around and look at me and go, I like him. The one thing that is really important about the age I'm at

and about where we're heading as a country that I feel really important about is I have four grandchildren and they're 14, 11, soon to be 8 and 4. What world are we giving them? What are we, am I going to, you know, help them live in? What world are we going to do that? Are we going to have enough fish? Are we going to have enough air?

Are we going to have enough water? Are we going to have people who believe in science so we can maybe turn this around? What kind of world am I leaving it? That's what, at this age, I think about more than anything. Unfortunately, a world where all those questions are open. Great to end on a down note. Billy Crystal, nobody does it take 10 like you, though, my friend. Okay.

Thank you for doing this. Let's meet our panel. Hi, everybody. Okay, here they are. He is the Vice Chair of Public Affairs at Edelman Public Relations and former senior advisor of the McCain-Paylan campaign. Steve Schmidt's over here, Big Steve. Hey.

She's the Washington correspondent for New York Magazine. Please welcome for the first time, Olivia Nootsey. On our show, I see you on other shows a lot. And he's a former Democratic congressman from Tennessee, who is now a visiting professor at the University of Michigan School of Public Policy. Harold Ford Jr., been too long. How are you? Great to see you.

Okay, so obviously we're going to talk about guns, because we have to. have to. That's the law after a shooting, even though people don't like it. And I'm tired of all the same old arguments because nobody ever moves out of the place they're already in. Seems like every time one of these happens, people go to their corners, reinforce positions.

So I thought I'd read one quote. I found one guy who changed. He is a guitar player for a band that was playing that night in Las Vegas. Caleb Keeter of the Josh Abbott Band said, I've been a proponent of the Second Amendment my entire life until the events of last night.

I cannot express how wrong I was. My hero. Thank you. Somebody changed their mind. Somebody changed. And all like I think was, you know, was that so hard? Reagan couldn't have said that when he had a bullet in him, Gabby Gifford, Steve Scalise. People get shot and they won't change.

Well, thank you, Caleb Keeter. Your thoughts. Well, these are weapons of war that were used in Las Vegas. And you look at the casualty statistics. The 82nd Airborne, when it jumped into Normandy, had about 170 men killed, 577 wounded, another 700 missing. You're looking at casualty statistics at a country music concert in Las Vegas,

someone firing from 400 yards away, 300 feet down, wounding 600 people almost, killing 58. It's extraordinary. And it raises a fundamental question. What type of country do we want to live in? What type of society do we want to have? I own firearms, but I'll tell you, you can't own a tow missile or a stinger missile,

so we do have restrictions on the type of weaponry you can own. You can't go out and buy a 50-caliber machine gun. So what category of weapons should not be in the public market place? So we ought to start from a premise that these weapons, which are weapons of war, right? Fully automatic weapons in the hands of a medman. Listen, there's a lot of Democrats, too, Bill.

A lot of Democrats have A ratings with the NRA. This is a much more complicated issue. Where were you on this when you were in Congress? I think you need, well, I was four restrictions and some restraints. I'd just build on Steve's point. The real takeaway from this is that

for the first time of my lifetime, the NRA has demonstrated some support for some kind of restraint. Therefore, blocking, or at least for a conversation about blocking this chip that you can put on one of these guns and make it an automatic weapon. Harold, that's not true. I'm sorry, but Wayne Lompierre, if you're looking at what he said,

they're not for blocking it. But I'm not praising them. I understand what I'm saying. I'm 47 years old. I served in Congress, 10 years. They've never expressed even a willingness to have this conversation. Now, this doesn't mean that we should follow their leadership. The fact that we're even here, we shouldn't have these kind of weapons. I would agree with Steve 100%.

But the reality is I think we're making some progress here. And if Paul Ryan is true to what he said, he's going to bring this bill to the floor, you're going to have Democrat and Republican like supporting this. I think the NRA did this. We're talking about the thing that allowed him to shoot the semi-automatic that goes to your shoulder. All right to make it an illegal weapon, is what it did.

Okay. And that is what you're happy with? No. I'm saying it's... No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not put words from mouth. This is the first time they've ever, that NRA has ever stepped forward. Now, this is not praising. I'm not a member of that, I'm only making...

I think you're falling for their... It's just wrong. The NRA... If a domino effect happens and we find ourselves, you have a conservative, you have a drum... You have a guitarist saying what he said. Bill, you started the show out saying that. You now have...

We got the guitarists. One of the guys you have coming on this show, Brett Stevens, who's a conservative Pulitzer Prize winner, has called for us to rescind the Second Amendment. These conversations normally don't happen with conservative. That's the only point I'm making, and hopefully we make some progress. Let me chime in with the pessimistic one.

If you look at what Wainloff here, actually said about bump stocks, he said that they would maybe look at the issue. He had to then reassure his supporters, the supporters of the NRA, that they would not be banning these things. They would not be confiscating them. And it is the very definition of nibbling at the outer, outer edges of a problem. And they can't even move on that. So I'm not hopeful at all to anything. Let me ask another question about guns. And I know it drives Republicans crazy when liberals say everything is about race and everything isn't about race. But I feel like guns is the one area where if you can't see a giant difference

between the way black and white are treated in America with guns, I think there's a little racism in you. I mean, show the Roy Moore video. Here's a politician waving a gun at a rally. Could you get away with two of that? And succinct, no. There you go. And the Vegas shooter himself.

You know, it seems like when the shooter is, if he was Muslim, certainly would about, let's say. We got to get the band going. If it was a Mexican, it would be about the wall. And I feel like when it's the white guy, it's like, we don't know how this happened. But they don't, you know, and we don't. I feel like it never gets to be an isolated incident

if you're a minority. It's always drag in the, you know, and this guy was from a broken home. His father was a criminal. You know, that would be big on Fox News, I feel like. I mean, President Trump would already be out there with his own motive for the shooter if the shooter were non-white. I mean, he does this any time that there is any type of attack perpetrated by someone who is non-white. He doesn't take the whole, it's too soon to talk about it.

We shouldn't speculate before we know the facts. He only does that in very specific cases. No, I mean, 100% accurate. I mean, there's an absolute double standard on this stuff. All right. Let me quote Gary Wills, because I read something on, he wrote in the New York Times on the 4th of July about the Second Amendment, which I had never been aware of this, and I feel like I was waiting for the moment

when I thought people would be paying attention to this issue. And it is, apropos of this issue we're talking about, because he says, the Second Amendment shows just how far the poison of slavery pervaded the Constitution. It was intended to protect slaveholders who used militias to keep a firm grip on their slaves. It wasn't meant to let individuals prevent federal tyranny.

How could it? It was meant to guarantee the legality of well-regulated, militias to handle the state's internal problems, especially the problem of a large slave population. Says a lot, doesn't it? It does. Look, I'm not going to quarrel with whatever the meeting might be. I look at the moment, and the reason I'm encouraged by the moment is that this is the first time

we might get some momentum around policy. I served in Congress. So the only way you're going to make these changes is unfortunate we have these tragedies. It seems like day after day, week after week. So if we can find a way to deal with violence and urban communities and even some rural communities, but particularly the Baltimore's, the Chicago's, the D.C.'s, the Washington, the Memphis, the Atlanta's.

And this is one way in which to get more people on the side of keeping guns out of people's hands. I want to have this conversation, too. I think we should look at a bill that raises the price on ammunition. We've heard people, comedians talk about this in a joking way, but if you had to pay extraordinary amounts of money for ammunition other than when you're

at a range or when you're hunting, I think it might change the outlook on some of this. Because I think until you rescind this Second Amendment, which I don't think is going to happen, It's hard to imagine how you can stop people from owning guns unless you're talking about the kind of weaponry that Steve so aptly talked about. I mean, I do think that...

Can you move on, Steve? I'm sorry. I do think the founding fathers, though, they could no more conceive of an AK-47 or an AR-15 firing on full automatic than they could have conceived of a spaceship. Okay? These weapons were not conceived of. We're not understood. We're not imagined in the context of the time

when the amendment was authored. and we ought to have a real debate in this country about whether we want military weapons, military weapons of war in the hand of every Joe who wants to go in and buy 30 of them. It is harder to buy cough medicine than it is to buy an AK-47 or 50 of them. So I want to ask quickly about the cabinet what's going on there because it was a little nervous. I know it's funny that the...

Secretary of State calls the President a moron. A fucking moron. A fucking moron, exactly. How did he not know, though, that ignoring that is job one, if you're going to work for Donald Trump? Job two, try not to stare. But I read in the, is it the Washington Examiner? Okay, I'm not sure if this is true, but they talked about

that some sort of a suicide pact between the key cabinet members, that if one of them gets fired, a lot of them go. So the people who we are depending on, sort of to keep things together, while the crazy man does what he does every day. Mattis, right, and General Kelly and McMaster,

the generals, and Tillerson, and a few sane people. What if that happens? What if they all go? What is the beat team like? This is only year one of Trump. No, seriously. This is, we could look back and be like, yeah, we were lucky to have

those guys. And now, It's Secretary of State Scaramucci and Steve Miller and just people, because all he wants is people who are loyal to him. That's the only qualification that matters. I think on a daily basis, when you step back and you consider just the abject stupidity, the chaos, the malfeasance, the incompetence, the lack of probity, the lack of rectitude of these people. So none good. We have a real...

I think we have a real lack of imagination for how dangerous the world is and have a real lack of imagination for the immensity of the tragedy that could result from this president. And as bad as it has been, there's a lot worse. And the one thing we know for sure about Donald Trump,

what we know about Donald Trump is this. No one has yet to accurately predict where the basement is with regard to his behavior. And I fear it can go a lot lower than it is. Right. Well, again, on that happy note. You wanted to make sure that McMaster and Mattis and Kelly all had good gym memberships because you didn't want to see these guys face any health issues. He bought them gym memberships all across the country now to make sure that happens.

No, I pray for it every day. John McCain's favorite quote, quoting Chairman Mao, is to remember, it's always darkest before it's completely black. Right. And you would know that. Yes. So we were talking last week about this Judge Roy Moore, the guy I just showed with the pistol.

And it made me think there is a trend brewing in America because this guy is like the ultimate cliche of what people all around the country think of as Alabama. That's who Alabamas are going to send to the Senate, a guy who is an absolute shit-kicking, gay-bashing. And Donald Trump is kind of the same thing. He is what people who don't like New York think of as the worst kind of New Yorker.

Brash, loud, egotistical, he's got an opinion on anything. He's pushy. He's an asshole. So I think this is what's going to happen, is that every state will be represented by the person who the rest of the country would envision as the worst person in that state. Like California will be represented by Dillian. Alan Van Nyes, an actor waiter who just came from a porn shoot in the valley and didn't wash his hands.

A New Jersey will be represented by Stephanie Spacoli, a gun-snapping mom daughter who financed her campaign by burning down a supercutts. Texas will be represented by a cow with a gun rack. Florida's rep is a 28-year-old teacher who has sex with her students and spent last month shooting at the hurricanes. representing Idaho is Brian Flint, a firearms enthusiast and militia member who lists his profession as freedom and his address as why. Who's asking?

Tough crowds, I'm sorry. Washington State would be represented by Lee Zhang, a wealthy Chinese immigrant who owns a chain of coffee shops that only accept Bitcoin. Colorado, we're represented by a professional snowboarder who lives on a mountain because he's too high to find his house.

And Utah will be represented by Mitt Romney. All right, he is an actor, comedian and best-selling author of Recovery, Freedom from Our Addictions. Russell Brand is over here. It looks so surprised. Sit down. Oh.

I'm so glad you got the leather pants on. You haven't abandoned all your rock star shit, right? I thought at least one person on this panel should be wearing faux. leather attire. I didn't want to put you through it, Bill. I have to say, I am a really big fan of yours. That's so kind of you to say it. No, no, I'm never kind.

I'm always truthful. Oh, yes, because sometimes you were commudgeonly. Yes, here in America, I am. And I must say, I feel like there was a time when I saw you a lot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe too much. And lately... You didn't have to hover by my window.

And lately I don't see you enough. How can I get the right amount of Russell Brand in my diet? This is the classic addiction dilemma. We have a little bit and then we get carried away and we can't control it. Our inability to moderate. Well, what happened was, I think, became immersed and engulfed in the intoxicating drug of celebrity, drank and drank from the cup like Icarus,

too flew too close to the sun, burned myself terribly, treated to the British countryside to look at wildfowl. Yeah. I mean, you got interested in life, which is something a lot of people who are addicted to, I mean, years ago we did an issue, fame is the worst drug of all. I mean, you see it the way people hang on on reality shows and stuff. I mean, you used to be a star and now you're on an island eating bugs, you know. Like anything, anything would be worse than giving up that fame.

And as you're an addiction specialist. specialist. Would you concur with that? That fame is as bad as the other ones? I'm a specialist in that I've experimented on myself quite ruthlessly and quite extensively. Not in laboratory conditions, more's the pity. I could have done with someone in a lab coat to give me a cuddle and a petri dish would have been useful. But what I do agree with, Bill, is these are times where we live on the outside. External phenomena is stimulated us to a ludicrous degree and that addiction is just the amplification of consumerism. If you constantly broadcast at people that they're

they ought be afraid. If you constantly broadcast at people that they ain't good enough and that they can purchase somehow externally the feeling of well-being, then addiction for me is a natural conclusion of this phenomenon. I ain't going to fuck with that. That's... I wrote a book about it. Yeah, I was going to say you did write a book about it and you've had all the addictions and you've done all the drugs and What was your favorite? I'll talk you through. Heroin is very very relaxing too relaxing. You let go of your life in the end LSD is delightful to annihilate the concept of self, the construction of self, the biochemical tapestry, stimulated by a culture, formulated in memory.

To see that thing bust apart by hallucinogens is a glory to behold. To experience oneness, to experience connection, to know that in truth we are all one. The glory of the light, the glory of the Lord. I know you're an atheist. Don't recoil, Bill. These chairs have got wheels on them for a reason. I'm... I like to LSD.

I'm glad you're... Must I do the second drug! I'm glad you're now so sane and healthy. Go on. I'm only describing one evening. Still marijuana, which I believe you're well acquainted with. Yes. Cocaine, a little too upbeat for me.

Terrible drug. I can't take that stuff. And then turn it into rocks with bicarbonated soda just to do a bit of extra gel time based on pigment and bicarb. no kind of deal. So like for me the only drug that I'm interested in is the drug that we are pursuing in the first place, the drug of connection, of unity, of love. For me, all these things are placebos, every drug, every commodity, just a placeholder on the way, false idols as we seek

out some kind of truth and connection in whatever denomination, in whatever language, whether it's agnosticly, atheistically or religiously. We're all looking for oneness, we're all looking for connection. And I think in your country at this time, we're seeing tumult and rage bubbling up in the form of these peculiar figures, these ludicrous gargoyles that govern these comedic figures that even your parody cannot entirely do justice to. Who are these people? Yeah, you know, I mean, this shooter that we were talking about in Vegas is kind of a conundrum, and he is, it's kind of what you're talking about. It's a person who, they can't find a motive. He just seemed to have a hole in his soul.

He was rich. He had a lot of money. He had a life in Las Vegas, but there was something horrible missing. It seems extraordinary that something so malicious and malignant and awful can occur with such frequency, and it must be the result of systemic problems, not as the result of individual problems.

Certainly, that kind of analysis wouldn't have been afforded a person of color or of a different faith. it would not have been based upon their individual conditions. So let me ask you about one more addiction, you said you were also a sex addict. Isn't there a difference between all the drugs which you are physically addicted to

and which have harmful side effects? What is the bad side effect of sex addiction? Smiling too much? Well, I did do a wry grin there, sir, because I'm juvenile and I'm on a television program. sex addiction and food addiction, these are necessary aspects of a healthy human life. But I would say the definition of addiction is a behavior that you repeat, that is having detrimental effects, and that you cannot stop. For me, that is the definition of addiction.

Now, initially, if you are happening to be... But if it doesn't hurt you, why is that... Well, it ultimately does hurt me, and it ultimately hurt other people. As a white heterosexual who's attracted to adult human females, you hit a bottom more slowly than if you had more peculiar. I bet you hit a bottom a lot when you get sex at it. All right, one more. I'm just saying that ultimately sex addiction

leads to the objectification and commodification of women. One more thing. I love you. You're a beekeeper. I do keep bees. And you know the bees, you must know then, and maybe you're doing this for this reason, that they're endangered, and people should know that. I've got 60,000 of those bees,

and every single one of them is nothing but trouble. All right. But in general, we need to save the bees. We do need to keep bees. They are a necessary component of a healthy ecology. I was making a joke just of social pressure, really. Yeah, no, it was... Social pressure.

It was a very... We should keep bees, except I can't take their honey bill out of pure bloody guilt. Right, no, and that's great... It's great that you don't steal it. Yeah, because you don't want to lift the lid off their house. It's upsetting. Right.

Excavating their commodities. And you send them out to pollinate? Well, I don't know if I send them out, Bill. They seem to be governed by forces that I don't entirely understand. As you are sometimes so. All right. I want to turn back to the panel for something very... What a segue, thanks. For something very important.

The Supreme Court is finally hearing a case on gerrymandering. Do you know what that term means here in America? Gerimandering means the manipulation of borders for political favor for one party. You can get... I mean... I'm from England. State education for free. That's...

Well, I mean... I mean, this is why extremism reigns supreme in America, because people come from safe districts. Why are they safe? Because they are gerrymandered, because you almost can't lose. Eight of 435 incumbents in 2016 lost their job in Congress. Republicans don't fear Democrats.

They fear a crazier Republican who's going to primary. And vice versa. Democrats fear Democrats too in primaries as opposed to Republicans. But not as much. No, but the phenomenon exists. It doesn't change the point you're going to make. Right. I mean, okay.

So I say if the Supreme Court can't get this one right, what good are they? This is exactly what we have a court for. If it's not nine to nothing, it should be, and it won't be. I mean, in fact, we're sweating it out with old man Kennedy again. Please, old man Kennedy, you be the same one on the court. But if we can't get this right, then the Russians might as well just hack away because it's gone anyway. Look, the history of this issue with the court is that this is a political matter. You have politicians who decide how districts are drawn.

The courts have decided not to get in this, have declared they won't be involved. The fact that you have the court looking at this, they understand that the way we've drawn these districts have been injurious to our democracy. Whether it's 5-4, 633, 7-8-8-1-0, I just want them to make a change here. They're going to struggle with trying to come up with the standard. But Justice Kennedy, they've got a lot of faith in. He's come up with the thornyest, the toughest social issues. He's always found a way, and we've got to pray, finds away this time as well. I think it's one of the most important Supreme Court cases of my lifetime, 47.

We don't want to live in a system where the politicians pick the voters. We want to live in a system where the voters pick the politicians. We want competitive elections, and we need to see a reestablishment of a commonsensical center in American politics. You look at Roy Moore, you know, one of the problems, obviously in the Republican Party, is the degree to which Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell have said that basically you have an R-next-to-your-name,

it's like a Batman suit. It makes you impenetrable. There's no whack job who's too crazy. There is no policy too pernicious to ill-conceive. No whack job on the right who's to it. No, no, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Is that if you have that R-next to your name, there is no level of

ethical misconduct. There is nothing that will bring about condemnation. And that is a function of the lack of these competitive elections and the collapse of the middle of American life. And so we have all these issues, not even in the business of persuasion anymore. Politics is a game of incitement. It's about inciting the fringes, the 15%. That's how these health care bills get put on to votes when they have 13% approval, or you have 85, 90% of the country believes we should have comments on this gun regulation and they can't get it done

It's why Trump is perhaps pulling out of the Iran deal or trying to, which even his own cabinet. Again, the cabinet, the people who are still a little sane, they're for the Iran deal. They know it's a good deal. But he's trying to fulfill this campaign promise to these people who you are talking about. Hopefully he will be blocked.

I mean, Mattis made clear where he stands on this. Others have made clear. But even if he does this, we still have Congress as a backstop. And you've got to hope that the McCain's, the Murkowski's, the Portman, some of the others who've stepped up will say, no, the deal is working. There were many people who were skeptical about this deal from the outset, they had fair reason to be. But the deal is working far better than people thought.

And I think if you poll some of those Republicans who are reluctant about it, they support it. Even Corker would, I think, block him if he were to try to decertify this and go to the Congress for the vote. So I have some, I know I've been scolded a little bit for having confidence in Congress, but I got a little confidence at some of these Republicans. Sorry for being realistic here. Well, no, I'm, you've got to be optimistic about things

because the only way, the only way we're going to change things, remember, he won the election. I didn't vote for him, and I sent you denied it from the way you're talking. We have to figure out a way to beat him, and we're not going to beat him by just riling ourselves up. We've got to go back to Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Ohio, and attract voters who did not vote for Hillary Clinton, did not vote for Democrats, and try to get them to vote for Democrats in 2018 and 2020.

You've got to have something for people to vote for. If you don't, we're not going to win just by saying he stinks, and he sucks. If that's all it took, we'd have won that special race in Georgia. We need a message, we need a vision, and we got a campaign on it in 18 and 12. What you said that about Georgia? Sounds like we've got a candidate.

He said that about Georgia, but the problem in Georgia partially is that that candidate didn't talk about Donald Trump on the stump. So I don't think it's as as saying that criticizing him is not enough. I think it's about, you know, selecting stronger candidates. So talking about the... We're on the same team. I just want to about... I'm not on a team.

I don't like Trump. You have written before. that you had your reservation. Were you taking a little nap there when I went back in the panel? Were you meditating? You looked like you were very blessed out there. I had a lovely time during that.

But you have had reservation, you have expressed reservations about voting itself. Where are you on voting now? Well, Bill. I think that... The dominant political parties have a real obligation, as Harold was just explaining,

to present the real... voters, by which I mean human beings like me, real vision, real possibilities, and to transcend the idea that they are merely managers of bureaucracies whose role it is to prevent us being, I suppose, bludgeoned by lunatics, like the current one. So I feel that what we're... But you would agree that it would be better if people had voted to Hillary Clinton, right? I wondered if you would ask me that. Oh, man, please. We're getting along. Hillary Clinton would not be pulling out of the Iran deal or the Paris climate deal or...

It's really... You know I respect you and I admire you very much and I think you're a courageous man. One of the problems I have in instances such as this is that politics became so centralized. Realistic opportunities weren't offered to ordinary people. And when a candidate like Bernie Sanders emerged, he was not given the opportunities that he deserved. I never voted in my country. What do you mean he was not given the opportunities? He was given every opportunity. Iran in America. People voted for him, not as many as Hillary.

I wonder why this occurs. I mean, you're talking now about the manipulation of boundaries and borderism and the way that certain political figures are managed towards positions of power and authority. That exists at a party political level. The Democratic Party had preferences. Their preference was Hillary. You got Hillary. Hillary lost. And we... And I don't think that this is not... I think you can tell from a glance that I'm like not a Donald Trump guy. No, no, no. I'm trying to come to common ground with you. Let me give you one example from this week. While all the craziness was going on,

the Republicans did not reauthorize a program called CHIPS, Children's Health Insurance Program. A pooling? Yes, you know of it. Okay, it's been there for 20 years, bipartisan. 9 million kids now are not going to get, you know, what they need, doctor visits, checkups. Yes, this is true.

So I think for those people, voting matters. You are quite right. It's easy to say, oh, voting and they're all bad, but for those people downstream, it would have mattered if he didn't, wasn't president. I entirely recognize I had a comparable problem in our country because I'd advocated not voting, and I said, well, don't vote until they give you realistic opportunities

until there are politicians that speak directly to you, that speak for ordinary working people. Until then, why would you participate in this spectacle? You're being invited to participate in something that doesn't offer you realistic opportunities. The candidate for the left at that time was, I would say, a comparable candidate, someone that was a neoliberal, centralist politician that didn't oppose the corporate interests and elite interests.

This allowed hegemony to continue. Now I think that if the left doesn't, isn't brave enough to occupy the space where ordinary people whose lives are in difficulty and in trouble, if a politician on the left doesn't say we are interested in representing you, we want to take care of you, ordinary Americans, then the bizarre lunatic rhetoric of a man like Trump is suddenly appealing. We've witnessed this. The alternative is in the United Kingdom that

Jeremy Corbyn, a genuine socialist candidate, has come to the front, and I voted for the first time, and people care now. What were you like on cocaine? We're going to go over. I want to hear more, but I have to go to New Rules. All right, New Rules, everybody. New Rules, stop saying that Trumps need to do

what all first families do and get a pet. They have Rex. He's such a dog, his name is Rex. And he thinks his owner is a fucking moron. Which sounds to me like they've got themselves a cat. Neural prunes have to stop calling themselves Nature's Best Lachshund. Nature's best laxative is looking in the rearview mirror

and seeing this. Neural Catholics upset that Pope Francis dresses too casually and just isn't popy enough should consider a move to the Russian Orthodox Church. Their pope has more costume changes than a Beyonce concert. Here he is thinking, is two condolabas too much? Ah, fuck it.

People are coming to see a show. I'm going to give them a show. New Roll, strangers on hospital elevators who see me carrying a bouquet of flowers have to stop asking, are those for me? No, they're not for you. And neither is comedy. New rules, since the new Blade Runner

stars Harrison Ford, as a 75-year-old who hunts robots, and the next Terminator will star Arnold as a 72-year-old robot. Harrison Ford has to hunt Arnold in Alien versus Pensioner. They're not too old for this shit. They're too old, too shit. And finally, new rule, my dashboard doesn't need any more indicators. Is your seatbelt on?

Are your tires inflated? Is your oil chains? Geez, if I want to be nagged this much, I'd get married. And right now in Washington, Democrats have introduced federal legislation requiring car manufacturers to install a motion sensor that would remind drivers that they left their kid

in the back seat. Really? It's called the Hot Cars Act because turnaround dipshit was too on the nose. But if someone's too high to remember their kid, you think they're going to see a little yellow light? There were over

17 million new cars sold in America last year. Are we really going to require them all to install sensors, the cost of which will be passed on to the consumer, to prevent something less likely than being struck by lightning. And should reminding you, not to forget your baby, really be Toyota's problem? Where does this stop? Chunks of toilet ice. Yes, I said it. Toilet ice. Fall out of the sky from airplanes all the time. That's going to kill some unlucky fucker

someday. Why not the Piss Ice Act requiring all vehicle roofs to be reinforced to withstand a urine iceberg drop from 30,000 feet? Here in California, we make just about every business under the sun put up this sign that says, warning, detectable amounts of chemicals known to cause cancer may be found around this facility. No shit. We live in L.A. It's called air. Honolulu recently banned looking at

your phone while crossing the street. But wait, what if I'm getting an important message like that I've left my baby in a hot car? And here's where someone always says, but if it saves one life, oh fuck, you know what? You could put kids in bubble wrap all day and it would save some, but would it be worth it? We're never going to get this down to zero until we get rid of kids altogether. And I keep signing the petition. signing the petition, but it never happens. Until then, all this will accomplish is to feed into the Republican message that

Democrats don't want to help people, they just want to micromanage their lives. It makes people hate us. It makes me hate us. And it prompts kickback. That's how you get an environmental protection agency headed by a man who cares nothing about environmental protection. And I hate to tell you, but we are all in an overheating body. in an overheating vehicle. It's called Earth.

That's... That's why I... That's why I say to Democrats, either go big or go home. No one is for leaving babies in hot cars. It's just that common sense tells most people this is an issue of personal responsibility, especially when the liberal solution

to your human frailty is me paying more for shit that can break in my car. Thanks, government. We'll get to gun control later. And that's the point. We do need regulation. Oh, yes. For big things, real things, like guns and carbon emissions and banks.

But when Democrats get to regulating everything, regulation itself gets a bad name. And I don't want to let the right wing own freedom. People want to drain the swamp, not ban big gulps. Yes, I understand. You have a thousand good ideas for how I should live my life, check my privilege, and sort my recycling.

And we'll get to that. But first, we need to get some Democrats elected. And that's hard when the movement to childproof the world has made Republicans the Party of Freedom, and Democrats, the Party of Poopers. All right, that's our show. We're off next week.

I'm at the Microsoft here in town tomorrow. We're back on the twilight. I want to thank Steve Schmidt, Olivia Nootzi, Haram Paul Jr., Russell Brand, and Billy Crystal. Join us now on overtime with you, too. Thank you, folks. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10th, or watch them anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.