Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #442: Woody Harrelson, Joy Behar

Episode Date: October 28, 2017

Bill’s guests are Woody Harrelson, Joy Behar, David French, Van Jones, and Betsy Woodruff. (Originally aired 10/27/17)   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night series, Real Time with Bill Ma. Start the clock. I love you, too, but I know it's not about me. You're happy because it's not 100 degrees today. It's almost Halloween, and it's been 100 degrees all week. I'll say this for the Chinese, their hoaxes are really convincing.

Wednesday, it was 104. in Hollywood, as if Harvey Weinstein needs another excuse to open his robe. Oh, that's, hey, this is, historians will remember. This is the time that it all changed in America on this issue. This is watershed stuff what's going on now with sexual harassment. We're fighting. All the rocks are coming over. We're seeing the bugs underneath.

Did you see the Bill O'Reilly settlement that came out this week? Bill O'Reilly, we knew about it stuff before. This week it came out, paid a woman $32 million. What the fuck do you have to do to cost it $32 million? The victims of the Fukushima nuclear plant disaster in Japan got $1,500 a piece. So I believe by my calculation, seeing Bill O'Reilly's dick is 21,000 times worse than rates.

radiation poisoning. I mean, you look at this growing list of people, and you see, you know, movie mogul gone, director gone, reporter gone, corporate CEO gone. President of the United States,

he stays. What's that all? But not everybody is willing to turn a blind eye in the Republican Party. This week, Jeff Flake, the senator from Arizona. Yes, let's encourage him. Jeff Flake joined the resistance.

he announced his retirement in a blistering speech on the Senate floor he would denounce Trump for all he stands for and says he just can't be a part of this anymore he's the Rose McGowan of the Republican Party except instead of the other Republicans joining him with their Me Too stories

they're continuing to let Trump molest him that's the problem and you know Jeff Flake Jeff Flake is not a hippie this is a hard right winger who votes with Trump. Same thing with the other Republican of conscience, which is Bob Corker,

who this week said, Trump is utterly untruthful and he is debasing the country. That said, if he can sign our tax cut for the rich, debase away. Yeah, that's the problem. You know, senators have quit before

their party over arguments like this with the president. Even switched parties. Jim Jeffords. Anybody remember that guy in 2001? left the Republicans, or did Lincoln Shafee, over disagreements with Bush. But these were policy differences.

That's not what's going on with Trump. People quit Trump like they met him in a bathrobe and he jacked off into a plane. I mean... But... Maybe I'm being too hard on our president. I don't know if you heard, but he solved

the opioid endemic epidemic this week. Yeah. Did you see that? Yeah. He solved it. Yeah. This was his quote. Word for word. He said, This was an idea that I had... This was an idea I had where if you teach young people not to take drugs, it's really, really easy not to take them.

See? Tell people not to take them. Sheesh. Does he have to think of everything? And then he made a very moving speech about the whole problem. He said, yes, we've had drug-epidemics before, but never have so many of the victims been so white. And... But that's not all the president got done this week. Oh, no, he was very excited about releasing the JFK assassination files.

And just as Republican suspected, they only raised more questions about Hillary's emails. And, you know, JFK, he lived in a time when bad man behavior was never reported, especially among president. and that day is gone, as George H.W. Bush found out this week. Yes, kids, I'm talking about the 93-year-old, who apparently is addicted to crack.

Ass crack. A... 93. A third woman has now come forward to say that he groped her from his wheelchair, and he didn't deny it. He just said, hey, that's how he rolls. But here's the part I love. He didn't just grab the S.

He had an M.O. All these guys have M.O's. I don't get... Anyway, his M.O was, before he grabbed the S, he would always say to the woman, who's your... You know who my favorite magician is? David Koppafiel.

And then he... And his spokes... And here's evidence that men still need to do a lot of work here. His spokesman said, the president, to put... people at ease. That was to put people at ease. This vote was said to put people at ease. The president tells the same joke and on occasion has padded women's rears in what was intended to be a good-natured manner.

You know it's bad when W is going, please, Dad, stop embarrassing the family. All right, we got a great show. You're... Betsy Woodruff and David Prince. And a little later I'll be speaking with our the very funny Joy Behar is here. But first up, he's an Academy Award nominated actor who stars in the new film LBJ out in theaters on November 3rd. I understand he's very personable. Woody Harrelson is over here.

Woody Harrelson, look at that. What did... Look at that. They're yelling at you, they're standing. Very kind. What did you do to become so popular, Woody? You're such a... Hanging out with you, don't hurt.

Yeah, it's nothing to do with that. Everybody wants to be Woody's friend. And back in your smoking days, many were. But let's talk about your movie, because I saw it. It's a terrific movie. It's a great piece of work on your part. Lyndon Johnson, I understand you were reluctant to play it because, as many of us, we didn't like Vietnam.

Yeah. It's all we could see with Johnson. But as you grow older, as we both are, you see people in more... I think you're more forgiving, right? And you see the good and the bed together more? Do you think that's true? Well, you know, I wanted to work with Rob Reiner

because I think he's one of our greatest directors. And the, you know, if you look at, it's almost, like Rob says, it's almost the tale of two presidents because there's the Vietnam, but then there's all this important legislation that he passed. Like the Voting Rights Act, the Civil Rights Act, the Head Start. No, other than Vietnam, he was great. Yeah. And he passed a lot of legislation that, you know, you had to care to pass it because it was, you know, helping poor people like the war in poverty. And so he did a lot of great stuff. And he was a very colorful guy. Very colorful and very, I think you caught this needy. You know, he really wanted people to love him. I feel like that is maybe where you and the character were able to see. Because you're, no, really. I mean, you like everybody to love you.

Well, yeah. Well, you do too, don't you? No, I don't give a shit. Oh, now, come on. Plainly, I don't give a shit. But you would prefer it. I would prefer everyone agree with me. But I'm not gonna say what I don't think, just to make them agree with me.

But let's get back to LBJ, because that's what we're here plugging. Look at you. Exactly. I'm here just because I love you, man. Plug LBJ. Would I? I do.

And I will say, I'll say that I know you guys feel this. This guy, I've been, you know, we've been friends for a long time. Very long time. Very long time. We've smoked a lot of joints together. And this guy has been expressing what we've been feeling, and some of us afraid to express for so long, and I think that's why we appreciate him somebody.

Thank you so much for coming by. Thank you. But, okay, but let's, all right, so thank you very much. That's very sweet of you. It's true, man. I mean, Jesus, I'm not, like, in bad health, am I? Did you heard something? But, okay, but, okay, but, like, let's talk about the vulgar part, because we have a vulgar president now.

And before Trump, Johnson was the standard of vulgar, like one of the first scenes in the movie, he's talking, there's people in the room, important people, they're doing government business, and he's on the phone to his table. talking about him he needs more room because he's talking about how big as Johnson is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How could you relate to a character like that? He was more... What's...

Did you talk to men with big penises? He wasn't publicly... He wasn't publicly vulgar like our present incumbent, you know? But he did... He was vulgar in private, yeah, but... And our current president... You've had dinner with Trump, right? Didn't you have a dinner with him? I did have a dinner with him?

a dinner with them one day. What was that circumstance? Well, I got invited by Jesse Ventura and he said, you know, he was... This was back in 2002. 2002. And I was in New York and he said, would you come with me?

You know, Trump's gonna try to get me to be his running mate on the 2004 ticket, Democratic ticket. Right, he was a Democrat then. Yeah, yeah, he didn't care. He doesn't, yeah. So, I just...

I went and, uh, it was brutal. It was brutal. He's, I never met a more narcissistic man. He talked about himself the whole time. So he's changed a lot. Right. He was, uh, you could see how the standard he was going to bear from him. But I had to walk out like halfway through, smoke a joint just to, like, steal myself for the rest of the...

Is that what you told yourself about why you smoked the joint? Interesting. You needed prompting. Well, let's talk about that because it's funny. I mean, you have given it up for about a year and a half now. Yeah. And I think that's great when we were in Hawaii last year. In solidarity, I didn't want to tempt you,

so I didn't do it around you when we were together. But you were one of the pioneers, and I'm not going to try to get you back on the wagon. at all. But I just want to show you... No, no, I just want to show you some pictures to reminisce. I mean, you were on our very first show of real-time. And there we are in my backyard in 2003. We're doing a sketch.

Remember we did a sketch about smoking pot? Yeah, we did that sketch. Yeah, and then, okay. But here's my point. Now, Woody, here's us this last year in Hawaii after you had given up pot, and there we are with Jeff Ross. And, you know, you look okay, but not ecstatic.

and here we are the next night at your house, your porch that you live on, because it has no walls, so you live in a porch. Okay. I mean, it's a beautiful view. It should be. There's no walls. It's a porch. Okay, so, you know, we look okay there too.

But here's the year before when we were completely big. All right. I'm just saying... I'm just saying... What, I'm just... I'm just concerned about your happiness. happiness. So let's look at it again. Not stoned. Stoned. Not stones, stoned. I'm just saying. That's a strong case. I'm about ready to fire up a hooter.

I didn't heard that one. But you haven't given up all your hippie ways and that's great. And I'm always amused by the great dichotomy that is you, because your scene is such a laid back guy, and you are. I mean, you are as laid back as it comes as I know you, but you're obviously also a very talented, driven, ambitious

person. You are not in one, not in two, but you're in three franchises. You're in Hunger Games. You are in what's the magician one? Now you see me. And you're in the eight movie.

Planet of the Eighth. Right. Right. That's true. Now, how did the hippie, how did this laid-back guy get to be the guy in Hollywood who's got a monopoly on being in all the franchise? I mean, there's a little bit of a A personality and a B facade, but I am actually genuinely lazy as shit.

And I can get by doing nothing. You know, you've seen me. I can really get by doing it. Nothing. When was the last time you were... When was the last time you were home? January. Yeah.

Because Mr. Lazy works his ass off. And where are the benefits? Because you're leaving a great body of work. And this movie is part of it. You should go see it. Woody Harrison. Thank you. I love you, bro.

All right. All right. I got a one home for a good. I'll see you in Hawaii, right? Okay. All right. Mr. Last year. Woody Harrison.

All right. Let's meet our panel. Okay. There they are. Hey, David. Okay, here's our panel. He is a CNN contributor, an author of the instant New York Times bestseller,

Beyond the Messy Truth, How We Came Apart, How We Come Together. Van Jones, Van the Man. Okay, she's a politics reporter for The Daily Beast returning to our show. Betsy Woodruff, hey, Betsy. And he's a senior writer for National Review whose name you may recalls

has floated to be the presidential candidate of the never-Trump movement. Oh, if it had only been so. Welcome aboard, David French. Thank you, David. Okay. All right, so let's talk about the Republicans. They had a big week,

and I thought it was kind of a microcosm of everything that's dragging our republic down because Jeff Flake, this Republican, conservative Republican, gets up there, and he makes this amazing speech. I mean, this was well written and beautifully delivered in the well of the Senate, and it's all about how we can't continue under this man.

You know, it was his, have you no decency speech? And the Republicans said, yes, you're right. You should open investigations, and they opened two into Hillary. I'm not kidding. Yes. They're still after Hillary.

The gift that keeps on giving. Republicans will never get tired of talking about Hillary Clinton. It always works for them. But she lost. She was voted off the island. I mean, why is the tribe meeting every week and still snuffing her out? It's one of the few things they agree on. If you watch the health care debacle, they had some trouble with that one,

watching tax reform, they're having trouble with that one. Everyone agrees, though, that Hillary Clinton is terrible. It brings the whole family together. Well, look, I mean, let me offer a partial defense here of talking about Hillary Clinton. Some of these issues are actually really important. The story about how millions of dollars flowed into the Clinton Foundation, and half a million dollars went to Bill Clinton's pocket, and then next thing you know, about 20% of our uranium reserves.

Speaking fee in Russia, and next thing you know, about 20% of... 20% of America's uranium reserves are under Russian control. I'm not going to quibble that there are some Clinton issues. Are you saying that they rise to the level of the Trump issues? No, I'm saying we can do both. You know, we're a nation of- But she's not president.

No, but it's still important how this happened. Is it as important? It's important in the way that it's pathetic, and it kind of shows that they don't have anything that they want to do that will actually help the country, in that regard is important. It's revelatory. But the worst, but the worst, I just want to say something else. I am a little concerned that people are so happy.

Flake has made this great speech. He's so courageous. When you're courageous, you say, and I'm going to stay and fight. He said, I am going to get the heck out of here. And the reason that he ran, scampering out, is because of Bannon. Bannon has a billion-dollar cannon

pointed at the head of every Republican who's against Donald Trump, and these guys are giving these great speeches and turning the party over to Bannon without a shot, and that's not courage. That's not courageous. I agree with you. I agree with you that

I wish he stood and fought. I wish he stood and fought. I don't think people are all that afraid of Bannon. Why not? Well, because Bannon... Billion dollars. Bannon is a creature. Bannon is somebody that everyone talks about in Washington

and on Twitter. You go out into actual Trump country. Nobody knows who this guy is. They don't have to know who he is. They vote for his candidates. But here's my takeaway from this. They vote against people who go against Trump. That's what it.

they do. Okay, but who go against Trump? Badness people? Republican primary voters vote against people who go against Trump. Against Trump, yes. The takeaway from this week that's really important is that this is Trump's party now. This is, Laura Ingram said it.

She said, we're not an element. We are the party. This is kind of important that Donald Trump, who we first were laughing at that he was even going to get the nomination, and then always the president, but he's going to get brought down. I doubt it will last a year. It's now his party.

Hostile-Tical. But that said, people are cutting and running really fast. Like, we've talked about how primary voters vote against people who are anti-Trump, but we don't actually know that. We haven't had a Republican primary yet. Jeff Flake has not had a chance to face off against Kelly Ward, who is a very far-right ban and supported candidate. We don't know how we do.

You want to bet? You want to bet on that one? We don't know, though. Arizona is a group of state. We don't know. But here's also the real problem to me is that Fox News has become state TV. They were always, of course, Republican.

It's different now, as all things with Trump, it's worse. And this is a very bad axis of evil. Because they didn't hear the Jeff Flake speech. They didn't know about it. It doesn't exist. The things that we talk about do not exist

because they are not shown on Fox TV. Fox just the Jeff Flake speech live, for what it's worth. They showed it live? But they didn't talk about it. They didn't get the same time. Their website, I saw their website. It's It's, it had no like headline. It was Hillary Clinton, and at the very bottom, they took away from this speech, Jeff Flake. I could work with Trump on something.

Really? Oh, there it is, yeah. Wow. But it's which show? I mean, Hannity is Trump Pravda. Everybody knows Hannity is Trump Pravda. Brett Bayer is a good journalist. Other folks like Dana Perino, very high integrity person.

Dana Perino is not in Trump's? The Fox News personality, who doesn't get enough attention for being very close and friendly with Trump is Lou Dobbs. I've been told that Trump will actually call Dobbs after his show. He loves it when Dobbs goes after McConnell and Paul Ryan, he'll cheer him on. In a recent interview, you know,

Trump asked Dobbs who he should pick to be the Fed chair. That's not an aberration. That's the kind of relationship they have. And this is a Fox business host who is a character. Fox gives him his agenda. The typical Fox viewer is now president. An old white guy with anger issues, we're not sure why.

No, really. And so their anecdotal, false, racist view of the country is his view. And they know that they have this viewership of one person. That's all they have to please. They very often do give him his agenda. You see him saying

their talking point. It is bizarre to kind of see this. It's sort of like in the morning, whatever they say I'm Fox and Friends, he tweets about it and they cover it, and then he brags on them for covering it. That's weird. But I also think it's important for progressives and liberals to actually tune in sometimes. We've got to be able to get our tolerance level up for this kind of stuff. Because otherwise what happens is we literally have no idea.

Like our cousins and people we went to high school with us, like these people are crazy because we're actually in our own bubble in a certain way because we're not listening to them. But can I... But there's bubbles and then there's bubbles. Let me just give you a few Republican views from the latest polls. 68% of Republicans believe millions of illegal immigrants voted in the last election. So that's over two-thirds who believe something crazy and completely untrue. This is what I mean about state TV.

I can't get legal people to vote. I spend my day begging legal people to vote. I mean, what superpower would someone have to have to get millions of people to do something that Americans won't do? 73% of Republicans think that voter fraud happens. somewhat or very often. Again, something we know is completely not true. 52% of Republicans, because of that last one I read, voter fraud being so bad,

would support postponing the 2020 election until we can fix the problem that doesn't exist. So... That seems bad. Yeah. So, again... That seems bad. Conspiracy thinking is not confined to the right. Like, I'm not going to defend any of that.

I mean, you could throw out number after number, including a large number of Republicans who believe in revoking citizenship for flag burners, which is an anathema to the First Amendment. Sure. But we've seen polls that said a whole bunch of Democrats believe George Bush was behind 9-11. We got a problem with conspiracy thinking.

A whole bunch? Polls in the Bush era, close to 50% believing that Bush had something to do with 9-11. So there is a conspiracy theory problem, and a lot of it is because of the thing that Van mentioned, we're in bubbles. And when you're in bubbles, you think the absolute worst of your opponent. But size matters.

The president tweeted that millions of people voted fraudulently. So that's part of why so many Republicans believe this stuff that's not true because the president said. You're not going to find me defending that. I know. I know, but your argument always seems to be, yes, there is a giant elephant over here. But what about this mouse? It's also a mammal. There's not two things of equal size.

You think you think? Totally depends on the issue. I would agree with you. Okay. Well, I'll move on. And I'll just say, you know what, if Jeff Flake or somebody like that wants to really make a difference,

you said he should go back and fight. What they really should do is run as an independent. 80% of Republicans are with Trump. That means 20% aren't. You could get those people. You could, as a patriotic service, split the Republican vote 80 to 20 and elect the Democrat,

like Teddy Roosevelt did, in 1912. How about a hand for 1912? Look at that. Everybody's like, yeah, the Bo-boose party. Bo-moose party, exactly. It was on the tip of my tongue. Okay. Let me ask about

opioids, because this is what the president was attacking this week. He said, we must fight back with a really tough, really big, really great advertising. And it was rather gentle on the people who are the addicts. And

Yes? Well, I, this is one of the things that I think is criminal on the part of Trump. He and the Republican Party during the primary went out and actually found out, which a lot of people didn't know, that people are dying all over the country. You know, one of my close friends, Prince, died of the same opioid crisis that's killing people in coal country. This is a national catastrophe. More people are dying of opioid painkiller overdoses than that we're dying of HIV-AIDS at

the height of the crisis. So you literally have a catastrophe, and you could do something about it right now. It would take money, it would take willpower, you'd have to bring people together. Instead, you do a press conference, a tweet, and talk about advertising. You're not going to save people's lives. You're not going to empty these, you know,

you've got morgues that fill up every weekend. In some of these red counties, they have to order freezer trucks on Friday night because they know the morgues are going to fill up. You're not going to save those lives and pull needles out of people's arms with an advertising campaign, and he's demagoguing his own basis, pain and suffering and it's outrageous. It's just outrageous.

I'm going to agree with most of what you said. Nothing significant has happened here. This is a... And that's a crime. This is a national crisis. And it's one that, look, we've got to face facts here. We need to... The federal government needs to be involved, absolutely.

But this is not something... This is something that in some ways may even be more difficult than the crisis in overcoming AIDS. Because there was a medicine, medicines that could be developed that you could take. Here you're dealing with people who are going to crawl over broken glass to get that next fence. But let me just say, I wrote a book, and a big part of my book is about stuff that we could actually fix tomorrow if we just came together. And this is one of them.

There are, in fact, medicines now. You have medically assisted treatment where you can get people to, instead of having the detox and die model, where you get people just well enough to go and overdose, you could actually fix it. But you'd have to bring people together to do it. And Trump doesn't actually want to solve the problem he wants a demagogue about it. In other words, the idea that there's nothing we can do is false, false, and we need to get on this right now. Another piece of this problem that's really important

and doesn't get enough play is the fact that, for instance, a lot of drug warrior types, including our Attorney General like to talk about how marijuana is a gateway drug. In reality, a lot of prescription opioids are legitimate gateway drugs to heroin use. There's... And this is really important. Well, it's the same basic drug.

Right, exactly. They're both opioids. And there's CDC data that shows recently, I want to say the most recent CDC data maybe shows that of the opioid overdose deaths that happened, about about almost half of them are from drugs that were prescribed. Legal drugs that doctors are giving people. And like, there's a tough issue. Doctors were under pressure to prescribe these things.

Pain became the fifth vital. They were under pressure from Big Pharma that was pushing the bill. Not just Big Pharma. Not just Big Pharma. Not just big pharma. And the other thing is that then Donald Trump then lies about it and says, we're gonna have a big wall because the wall's gonna keep out the opioids.

You're gonna have a wall around CVS? What are you talking about? People are getting this stuff in drug stores, man. He's just totally wrong. And doctors have to take responsibility. Yeah, doctors have responsibility too. But I mean, I'm sorry. No, no, no.

I get passionate about this stuff. No, I see. I wasn't even thinking you were gonna go there with it, but it was enlightening. But listen, it's Halloween time. And we've been making fun of this guy, Roy Moore, who's going to be the senator, in...

He's the senator in Alabama. That's really him. That's how he dresses. It's like, howdy-duty if he... Watched Fox News all day. And we thought, you know, this is interesting because this guy does not need a Halloween costume because he is a Halloween costume.

And we found that actually, in Washington, a lot of people fit that description. They don't need a costume because they are one. For example, Sarah Huckabee Sanders does not need one because she's going as Marie Osmond after a bad breakup. She doesn't...

No costume... Congressman Trey Gowdy is going as the last face you see before the car trunk closes. Ben Carson is going as the guy at the end of the bar who keeps saying, and another thing.

Joni Ernst is going as your high school gym teacher's roommate. Paul Ryan, is going as an emotionally damaged former child star. Betsy DeVos is going as a woman who just found out her new neighbors are Mexican. Yeah, that's exactly... Mike Pence is going as the guy who always tells his barber

a little shorter. I don't want to be mistaken for a beetle. Steve Bannett, there we go. He's going as that weird shit you see growing on trees. And Don Jr. and Eric Trump are going as the top of a gay wedding cake. Okay, let's bring out Joy. She's a co-host of ABC's DeVue, an author of The Great Gas Bagu at A to Z study guide

to surviving Trump world. Joy Behar is over here. Yes, Joy Behar. So great to see you. Thank you. You never grow old. You always are the same. I'm old, though.

You're always talking about being old on this show lately, I know. So are you afraid to die now? I always was, but now it's more likely. It's cool, yeah. But I want to have you on just because I love you and I always make me laugh, but also because I feel like I'm also having an argument, like almost on a weekly basis with other Democrats where you are on my side. Yes. I keep saying Democrats are too nice.

They're too nice. They don't go, and you are my ally, right? They don't go for the jugular. You don't go for that. When they go low, we go high. No, when they go low, we should go lower. Exactly. Okay.

Then, listen, you're the first perpetrator of this. He wants the gumbaya. Forget the fuck the gumbaya. These people on that side are crazy. Don't you understand? They're crazy. You don't deal with white supremacists. I'm not talking to him, I'm talking to you. You could talk to him, too.

But yes, I mean, what happened to that gene in the Democrat makeup? I mean, it wasn't that way with Bobby Kennedy and John F. Kennedy. They were tough. They weren't this kind of too nice Democrat. They were busy getting laid. All right. Well, certainly part of it, I think, the problem is political correctness. Yes, indeed. I believe I did a show about that some years ago.

I remember when John Kerry was running, I saw him at something, and I said, you've got to deal with these people. You need to be tough. What are you going to do to deal with these Republicans? He was like, don't worry, I can handle it. No, he didn't. He didn't. They don't. They don't. Somewhere that gene went recessive. And also, you have to speak very simply to people. They don't want to hear all this wonky stuff that you hear on CNN and MSNBC. Go right for the jugular the way Trump does.

He's smart in that way. He is. It's the only thing that's smart about it. Exactly. He's a terrific con man. Yeah. But, I mean, you play club, not clubs. Not anymore.

I can't. No, not club. I don't mean clubs. Like, what are you? The theaters. Theaters. Yes. Yes.

It's a little... The atmosphere is a little more constrained than it used to do it. Well, you can't say anything now. I mean, look at... Well, you can. We can because we're a little grandfathered in. Again, with the old age references. No, you know what I mean.

Yeah, we're grandfathered in. My grandmothered in, in my case. But I don't like to work anymore as a stand-up hardly because anything you say, they write it down, they tape you. Yes, I know. They tweet about it. Yes. And like James Corden got in trouble last week with Rose McGowan, it's like, lay off the comedians, okay?

Leave the comedian. We're like the philosophers of the tour, not Socrates and Aristotle, but we are the philosophers right now. And we don't, and also, the thing about comedians. Thank you. No, I'm not. We are. The thing about comedians is that because we can work in the clubs, we don't care about these jobs like this job or my job. We can always work, so we will say whatever we want.

Well, speak for yourself. I don't want to go back to the club. Jesus, right. But, all right. So let's talk about men and their bad behavior because this, like I said, this is a watershed time. Things will never be the same, I think.

Right, right. Why do you think now? I mean, why not? A year ago, when the Trump tape came out, why not five years ago or 10 years ago? Why not at the dawn of the Women's Liberation Movement? Why is it now that finally, I mean, it's kind of amazing.

I don't think that... I'm not too optimistic because... Really? Anita Hill came out, and then we had... We have Clarence Thompson on the Supreme Court. But it's a different era with social media and all the women joining in and all these... Yeah, but they're still most men are the people in power.

What did they... They're the ones in power. They're the ones who intimidate the women and they're the ones who say, you're not going to get the job unless you let me look... Unless you look at my penis. Basically, that's what they're saying here. I know, when you read about the...

You know, they all haven't... What do you look at him for? I don't know. They all have an M.O. And it's just like, like, Cosby, like, here, take some drugs, knock you out, I volunteer. That's true. Or, you know, like, masturbating, or just rubbing an erection.

I'm like, I thought I didn't know women all my life. I don't know men. I, I, I, this. I know. It's, what did Bill, what did Bill? O'Reilly do, that got that woman $32 million. What could you possibly, how vile does it have to do? I know, I know.

Well, I wouldn't fuck him for $32 million. Okay. So. I don't know what he did to that girl, but he's not worth $32 million. Right. Uh-uh. And I must say, when you look at the list of people, it is always married guys.

It's always married. Just saying. Why is that? Because they have shitty sex lives. Oh, yeah. I think they're not having a satisfactory... They're bored at home. They're bored.

No, no, no. That's nothing to do with it. Nothing to do with it? Halpern is accused of masturbating under the desk while he's talking to somebody. What's that got to do with him being married? Let's not bring the wives into it. Yeah.

Let's leave the wives out of it. Yeah. Well, when I'm bringing the wife... Mind in their own business while these jerks are jerks are jerking off. Okay. My book? Your book. I have a book.

I flew 3,000 miles to plug the book. Your book. Donald Trump. Boy, what... The book is called the Great Gas Bed. What's it called? The Great Gas Ben. What's it about?

I toyed with other top titles. What do you think of... War and Hairpiece. That was one. Moby Dickhead. dickhead? What other titles did you think? I had also the son-in-law...

I'm a beat behind, on you? The son-in-law also rises. How about that? But I wrote it for Trump's anti-Trumpers. If you're a Trump supporter, don't buy the book. I forbid you to buy the book. Who's the book for? It's only for us.

It's for us. You do that. You can let me do with me. Yes. Here, Van. Look, I think we have to be as sophisticated as a problem we're trying to solve. You are correct. There's some stuff we're going to have to fight about, and I love you for it. But you mentioned Bobby Kennedy. Bobby Kennedy was tough on his opponents. But he also went to Appalachia, and he talked to those poor white folks and got him on his side.

All I'm saying is, we got a great circle that includes women, people of color, Muslims, everybody, Jewish people. Let's just get the circle bigger to take his base away from him. And to tell you what, if you don't go and if we don't go, the Nazis are going to. I'm not going to let that happen in my country. I'm not going to let that happen. I'm not going to, yeah, yeah. They never turn on it. Right, I don't.

But, hey, listen, can we be honest? At 120 million votes, we lost this thing by 70,000 votes spread out through three states in the Rust Belt. And of those people have voted for Obama. We just got to go back and get those folks and we have the country back. And that's what the book is about. Both our books work together. A bunch of band that you can't get it. My book is beyond messy too.

Give it up. By the way, Beyond the Mental Truth, Dan Jones. I've obviously lost control to these capitalist hippies. Okay, so Democrats always say they want to win, but I just don't see a lot of soul searching

on some of the issues that might help them. 48% of Democrats are concerned about immigration. And here's what Andrew Sullivan said this week. He said, the Democrat's current position seems to be that the dreamer parents who broke the law are near heroes. And their rhetoric, the Democrats' rhetoric, is very hard to distinguish from a belief in open borders. Democrats increasingly seem to suggest that any kind of distinction between citizens and non-citizens is somehow racist.

And when you see in Europe, there's a rise of all these sort of like Trump-Light guys, and it's always in countries that were lax on immigration. And I think this is an issue Democrats have to look in the mirror a little about, because I think Andrew Sullivan is not wrong about this. Here's where I take some exception. I agree that beating people up who have some concerns about the law being broken and calling them a bunch of names and big and stuff like that is just not constructive because it keeps us to being able to have an honest conversation. But as a matter of strategy, I don't think that the Democrats should throw away the Latino base chasing hardcore anti-immigrant people. If you are hardcore anti-immigrant, you are always going to be able to find a repulmonary.

you like better than a Democrat. So I think that we could be more nuanced, but the idea that we should somehow become a party that's tough on immigrants, if that's what you're saying, it doesn't me. This strikes me as fighting the last warism, because right after 2012, the Republicans did this big self-diagnosis, and they said the path to winning

is to be more open to immigrants, and that is exactly the opposite of what happened in 2016. And I think what's happening, I think that Republicans are shooting themselves in the foot in this sense. What Van said, 70,000 votes, I would even narrow it in three cities, basically. Philadelphia, Milwaukee, Detroit. If you have the President of the United States using the bully pulpit to directly attack the most popular African-Americans,

not just in the country, but in the world. NFL players? The NFL players, Steph Curry. Who attacks Steph Curry? Steph Curry was invented in a lab by dads who want their kids not to get in trouble. I don't know why you would attack Steph Curry. Does that mean you could, you could. turn out 70,000 more people without changing some of these stances.

Republicans, I think, are way too cocky politically with such a narrow victory. And so I really think that fighting the last warism may not really apply when we get to 2019 and 2020. It's going to be a different landscape. And the other thing is, taking a step back from, like, the politics who's up, who's down piece of this, if Democrats want to pitch themselves as mean to immigrants, they can make that case. Obama dramatically expanded the practice of family detention, which is the practice of taking women and children, including babies, and putting them in literal prisons.

We have facilities in Texas and Pennsylvania that are full of women and very young children. Right now, about 3,000. Obama dramatically expanded that practice. So Democrats might, their talking points might sound like, you know, open borders, immigrants are great, blah, blah, blah, but in reality, there's a lot that Obama did. There's a lot of the Obama legacy

that's very troubling to the immigration attorneys that I talk to regularly. to people who are undocumented. This notion that Democrats have a spotless record on it and are really soft on enforcement is just not true. Well, then they have the worst of both worlds, as usual with them. They're actually doing bad,

and their reputation is the opposite, also not getting them votes. Right. So they've... Well, I mean, that was true. Another number of things with Obama. He had the reputation as the peace president, but by the time he left office,

he had boots on the ground in Syria, had boots on the ground in Iraq, in Afghanistan, in North Africa. I mean, you know, we're learning now there's a thousand troops in Niger or 800 troops in Niger. The first detachment got there during the Obama administration. Who knew that? So there was a big disconnect, I think, between what a lot of people thought about Obama and what Obama actually did. I think that you're trying to figure out what's the pathway out of this ditch that the Democratic Party has fallen into.

And I think everything should be on the table. For me, I want to figure out a way for us to hold on to those. You know, you've got 11 million people in the country. they don't have papers, but if you left tomorrow, the economy would collapse. So you do have a country that's based on the hard work of a lot of undocumented people. I want to respect those folks, and I don't think that you have to, there's almost this false thing now. Do you like the immigrants or do you like the white guys who don't have jobs? I think you can like both.

I think you can have policies to help both. I just think this false choice we've been pushed into now, we have to pick among pain, we have to pick among funerals, we have to pick it. Listen, why don't we just get everybody together who doesn't have anything and go fight the bad guys? That's what I want to do. Yeah, why don't we just get everybody together? That's togetherness shit has got to stop. You know, something you said earlier, Democrats are too nice. Yeah.

You know, Joe Biden said about Mitt Romney, he's going to put y'all back in chains, okay? That doesn't sound very nice. I mean, the Democrats in 2012. Oh, come on. Compared to Trump. That's amazing, the way, your ability to cherry pick one. little thing on every, on any issue and make it look like it's out. Well, that's a little thing for the vice president of the United States.

And the nicest guy in America that everybody loves. I don't remember the context of the... Who was he saying that about N2? Black people? He was talking to African-American audience talking about the Republican, that horrifically scary Romney Ryan ticket that they're going to put you all back in chains. So the Gaffmeister said something, which I'm sure he regretted. Oh, by the way, if a guy like Joe Biden said,

says something like that. Well, he's capable of saying he's sorry. I've seen him do it. Sure. The guy who's in charge now is not. So, this, you know, every issue this is what we go through, you know. If it's global warming, it comes up, you know, that's like, well, you know, we used to have cold periods and scientists predicted it would be a cold period. And we had hot weather back in the 1900. So what, and it doesn't move us fixing problems. It doesn't help. But if the idea of fixing problems is the Democrats need to be nastier, that's not going to fix the problem. That resonates.

But people do want tough. Realistic. Sometimes you have to be nasty to show what is real. But you know, that's exactly the Republican argument that I dealt with for months as I was getting slaughtered by Republicans for opposing Trump. We got to be nasty to win. We got to be nasty to win. I was saying, no, appeal to people's, the better angels of people's nature. And they told me, no, we've got to be nasty. We've got to be nasty.

And they won. And you're not president. Well, I think I was... What sort of argument is that to make when you're sitting here? If you would run that argument, I couldn't get you on this show. Well, that's true. But, you know, I think on the substance of what's going to make this country a better place, the argument... And listen, the idea that Trump won simply because he was nasty, I think, is wrong.

I think if Trump had won against almost... No, he's also a liar. Yes, and a con man. But I think what all we're saying... Listen, you're right. Listen, people are having a very hard time and people want to know that you're going to be tough enough and strong enough to deal with their problems.

And there's some stuff that we should fight about. Listen, you want to persecute Muslims. You want to disrespect Jewish people. You want to attack, frankly, immigrants. You want to attack women. We should have that fight. But we can't only fight and still have a country. That's all I'm saying.

Beyond the battleground, we can find some common ground, too. If only one side is playing with civility, that side is always going to lose. That's called bringing a knife to a gun strike. That's called 2008, 2012, I don't know. I don't think that's true. Okay, I got to go to New Rules. Thank you, everybody, for your passion.

We love passion. All right, new rules. Someone has to help me decide who in this photo I should feel more sorry for. Jimmy Carter, who kind of got pushed into the background, or Barack Obama, who's just about to meet David Copperfield. New Rule, now that we know George H.W. Bush's go-to joke while groping women is, you know who my favorite magician is, David Copperfield. David Copperfield has to admit that, ironically, when he grabs a woman's private parts,

he always says, you know who my favorite president is? We're not saying David Copperfield really does that. It was for the point of the joke. New Rule, the PC police on Twitter have to calm the hell down about Ellen. posting this sexist picture of herself with Katie Perry. Ellen just thinks she's having a little harmless fun. And Katie thinks she's meeting Justin Bieber. Speaking of Justin Bieber, new rule,

tattoo artists have to admit that the tiny bird tattoo is their gateway drug. That's Justin Bieber's first tattoo. And here he is today. He used to be such a cute kid. Now he looks like the prisoner you have to have sex with to get toilet paper. New Rule, if you don't stop taking pictures of your baby's butt painted like a pumpkin, I am quitting this mommy group.

If I wanted to see an orange ass, oh, you all saw that. Sometimes the obvious one. And finally, New Rule, someone must tell me why the people who wrap themselves in the flag are always the ones most clueless about what it represents. Like the way Trump turned a respectful protest. about police brutality into a patriotism pissing match. The nerve of these young black men

kneeling while an American idol runner up sings the bombs bursting in air song. How dare you exercise your freedoms while we're honoring them? We will not stand for not standing. Trump literally said that soldiers have died

and we need to stand because they were fighting for our national anthem. Oh, for fuck's sake. No one ever died for the anthem. Some have died trying to sing it. But Trump knew that for conservatives, the anthem is their senior prom theme song. It makes them all misty-eyed

the way I get when I hear the captain in Teniels do that to me one more time. Remember this guy, John Boehner, so unpopular with his own Republicans. They booted him out of being speaker, but they never criticized him for doing this. I poured my heart and soul into running a small business.

is provided for the safety and security for the American people. No, sir, whenever he'd cry like a little bitch because someone mentioned small business owners, or he saw a tiny American flag in his club sandwich. They all would think that was great. What is it with these people, always falling to pieces of her flags and anthems

and commercials for pickup trucks and all these throat catchers, Route 66, and port swings, and barbershops that still offer a shave and cowboy hats, unless you're a black congresswoman. Farms, old barns. Pictures of wheat give them a heart on. For the party that thinks of itself is the tough guys, they're so susceptible to sentimentalism. That's why they love the paintings of Thomas Kincaid with his vision of America as one big Hobbit village of fairy tale cottages. And of course, Christmas. They are so head over heels, Lady Gaga

in love with Christmas. They even imagine liberals have somehow banned everyone from talking about it. Until Trump got elected, and now the bed has been lifted. We can say Merry Christmas again. They really believe this shit. It's like no one ever broke it to them

that the bearded guy who delivers goodies isn't real. But nothing. But nothing triggers that soft, mushy part of a right-winger more than the military. They love the military the way eight-year-old girls love horses, wholly and completely with a slight tinge of sexual frustration. They get a tingle in their taint when the blue angels fly overhead.

They cry during the president's Martian fighting speech in Independence Day. They see a guy. in uniform at the mall and say thank you for your service, even though the guy's thinking I'm a security guard, dipshit. Last week, in his heroic battle against a grieving widow, Donald Trump sent General Kelly out to talk to the media and offer us a lesson about honor.

And when that honor lesson included blatantly lying about Congresswoman Wilson, General Kelly was criticized, which President Trump's spokesman said was highly inappropriate. That's right. It is highly inappropriate to, ever question a general, which it is. In North Korea. But I thought this was America. This impulse to tell people not to protest against the police, not to question the generals, this is not American. And that is the problem with all the fetish patriotism. It starts with

goose bumps, but it ends with goose steps. All right, that's our show. I'm at the Marage tonight. How is that possible? I'll do it. tomorrow night. I want to thank my guest, Van Jones, Betsy Woodruff, David French, Thray Behar, Woody Harrison. Thank you, folks. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.