Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #472: John Kerry, Steve Ballmer

Episode Date: September 15, 2018

Bill’s guests are John Kerry, Steve Ballmer, Richard Clarke, S.E. Cupp, Mark Leibovich. (Originally aired 09/14/18) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's something else here now. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus. It's the series Stephen King calls Scary as Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch.

Saving those children is how we all go home. From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series, Real Time with Bill Maugh. Start the clock. I know, I know, I know. Very excited.

I know why you're happy to see me. I'm a guy on TV not standing in the rain. That's what... These fools in the rain. Aren't they fools telling you how dangerous the storm is while they're standing in the middle? of it. It's one or the other. Millions could be without power.

Yeah, they're called Democrats. Look, people in the Carolinas are freaking out over Florence. Not the hurricane, a trans woman who is using the wrong bathroom. But we wish the best for the Carolinas. They can't hear me. They have no power. He wished the back. But the president is on it. He wants you to know that the government is ready.

He is monitoring the storm from the command center in his bed. He has stockpiled tweets. And he has prepared to give himself an A-plus in how he handles it. And to dispute how many died in the last storm in Puerto Rico. Did you see what this asshole did all week? obsessing on the one a year ago that he fucked up. It was way less than 3,000.

And the ones who did die, it wasn't from lack of paper towels, I tell you that. Trump is saying that the Democrats inflated the numbers of dead to make me look bad. And if one thing there is that Donald Trump hates and somebody who falsely inflates numbers. Oh, we can't stand that. Three million illegals voted for...

Yes, okay. Does everything have to be about him? That's... Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I mean, when he uses a condom, he wears it inside out so that it's ribbed for his pleasure. I'm joking, he's never worn a condom.

But really, Clinton was the I Feel Your Pain President. He's the I am your pain president. And I honestly think he didn't even know until a few days ago that 3,000 people died in Puerto Rico. I think the staff is always hiding the bad news from him. Like when you tell your toddler, when you have to put the dog down

that he's living on a farm. It's like that with Trump. He's like, hey, where's Michael Cohen lately? He's living on a farm, Mr. President. Oh, speaking of that. Speaking of that, all the weather buried the big news. Paul Manafort flipped on Fat Donnie. That's right.

Fat Donnie got flipped on by his former consigliary, the campaign manager, Paul Manafort. He is now cooperating with the Mueller team as part of a plea deal. And Mueller has gotten plea deals now from Manafort and Flynn and Gates and Papadopoulos and Pecker, the National Inquirer dude, Weisselberg, Trump's longtime. lawyer, Michael Cohen. I don't want to say Mueller is getting cocky, but he showed up in court today wearing an ostrich

jacket. I mean, Trump's paranoia level now is just off the chart. I mean, is there anyone who wouldn't rat him out? Today, when he was groping Ivanka, it was just to see if she was wearing a wire. All right, we got a great show. SC Copp, Richard Clark,

and Mark Leavittonich, you're here, and a little later. We'll be speaking with the founder of USA Facts. Steve Balmer, the owner of the clip. Maybe you'll get clipper tickets. But first up, he was a war hero. He certainly was an activist, a senator, a secretary of state, and the 2004 Democratic nominee for president, whose new memoir is every day is extra. John Kerry.

You noticed when they were giving you the standing ovation. I just stood next to you, like, basking in it, like, some of it's getting on me. Actually, I noticed that you sat down very quickly. But, listen, it's always an honor to have you. I'm delighted to be with you. Talk to you, anything with you. But I must say I read Trump's tweet about you today. And apparently you're bad.

Very, very bad with big letters. Look at that. B-A-D at the end. Bad. What did you do, John Kerry? That was bad. I don't know. I think I told the truth.

Oh. Well, he's mad at you. He's mad at you because you're out of office. He's the first president. He's the first president that I know of who spends more time. reading his Twitter likes, than his briefing books or the Constitution in the United States. But he's saying that you're a bad person because you're out of office,

and you met with the Iranian... Well, I did, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. But that's been done before? Everybody does. Well, Henry Kissinger for 40 years, have been traveling to Russia, traveling to China, talks to the leaders. There's absolutely nothing unusual.

you know, unusual about it. The conversation I think he really ought to be worrying about is Paul Manafort with Mueller. It's giant. I mean, it really is giant. And soon you will be hearing him say, that's the worst deal that's ever been made. But, you know, when you stop and think of it, I mean, it's gone from the art of the deal to the art of the squeal. And it's really, this is, I've never seen, honestly, have, I've never seen, honestly, have,

never seen anything quite like it, the anonymous op-ed, the Woodward book, the chronology of everything that's been happening. And it's tough, you know. We've always relied on our democracy getting better, being stronger when people tell the truth, and we're based on the truth. Democracy is based on the truth. And unfortunately, we have a president, literally, for whom, the truth and nothing but the truth, you know, the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, is three different things. And you don't even know what they are. He's, he has, I, I don't want to get into a real riff on this, but I got to tell you, he's the real, well, I mean, John Riff, Kerry. He is, he really is the rare combination of a eight-year-old boy

I mean, he's got the maturity of an eight-year-old boy with the insecurity of a teenage girl. A very young girl. Mean girls. It can be mean. But when you talk about truth, I mean, it's so interesting, you're a truth teller. I mean, you're talking in glowing terms about the truth. But people don't really like truth tellers. I know that, too.

I mean, these people like me. But not even always them. Because when you really tell the truth like you did about Vietnam, that's what they really hated you for. When they, in 2004, which was kind of the beginning of fake news, the campaign they ran against you. That's correct. A true war hero, and Carl Roves said, by the end of this election, they won't know which side he was on. Right? I'm sure you remember that. I remember it clear. They don't, you told the truth when you got back from Vietnam. I did tell the truth. Never appreciated in its own time. Well, sometimes choices you make are not

appreciated in their own time, but I am very comfortable that I not only told the truth, I believe all those veterans who came back from Vietnam, many of whom had very difficult time, and they joined in telling the truth. And I am convinced that we brought the war to a close sooner, that we saved lives by telling the truth. And all you have to do is look and see Ken Burns' recent film that documents how early the lying began. So I'm proud of that, and I'm proud of the fact that John McCain and I then were able to come together. John exhibited a kind of, you know, large personality that could forgive and move on and knew the importance of working bipartisan fashion.

And so John and I together decided we're going to end the war at home and abroad, and we spent 10 years and we made peace with Vietnam. And for the better part, not everybody, but for the most part, by bringing 700, remains of servicemen home from Vietnam so families could have closure. I think we went a long way to making peace here at home. So it seems a long time ago, and it was. And you know, your book is a memoir. It must be bittersweet when you're...

I'm probably approaching the memoir right in years and... Well, you've been here. I just was reminded you've been here for 16 years. Yeah, yeah, here. By the way, I was with your producer just before I came out and I stopped him in mid-sentence and I said, You want to know the stupidest thing that's on TV today. And I pointed to the TV, and there was a weather guy out there getting soaked with the wind blowing.

It is. I was going to... Oh, I'm so glad you said that. Because, first of all, it's a local weather story. Also, it was a category 5 at the beginning of the week, which they were thrilled about because they love that. Americans love to watch a palm tree swaying. Like, that's... You could show the footage from any year. But when it got downgraded to a category one, they didn't down.

downgrade the coverage. No, it's true. While there's so much consequential things going on. They made the commitment. They had everybody out there. If I wrote a book about cable news, it would be called Fool in the Rain.

Okay. But, I mean, you were in Vietnam. Then, you know, 9-11, and we've been doing that ever since. Now we're back to the Russians. It seems like we're always mixing it up with somebody. Is it us? Is it just being the biggest,

bad as God. No, we're living in a very complicated world today. And it's a world in which we play, I think, the essential role, normally. This is not normal. What I learned as Secretary of State, I knew it, but what I learned in a very personal, tactile way was the degree to which people all over the world look to us to help lead. And we lead. We're on the brink of having the first generation of children born.

AIDS-free in Africa. That's because of our program. We did that. We are, you know, we, we, we, we faced Ebola. I remember sitting in the situation room in the White House. We were told a a million people are going to die in the next four months. And President Obama said, no. You know, we're going to send 3,000 American troops over there, which had its own risks. We worked with the French. We worked with the British. And each took the country in West Africa. We stopped Ebola in its tracks. I mean, these are a, you can run around the world. I said during our administration that I believe that we dealt with more crises simultaneously

with greater impact on behalf of our country than at any time in history, from the South China Sea to what's happening in Central Asia, Afghanistan, Pakistan, what was happening in Syria. Now, it didn't all have the outcomes that we wanted to achieve. I write in my book. I mean, Syria remains the open wound. It's a failure of the entire international community to make the peace. But we tried. We cared. I always said to my folks in the department, don't be scared to get caught trying. And that's what we did. And the trying saved lives. We've got a ceasefire here, a ceasefire there. For those people in that ceasefire for three weeks or a month or two months, they're alive today. And they wouldn't have been if we hadn't done that.

But I always argued we needed some way of holding us out a little more accountable. So what do we do when you only have two parties and when only one side plays decently? You lost a very close election. One state, 65,000 votes and one state changing. You could have contested it. Al Gore could have went a lot further with his protest. Well, Al Gore was elected president of the United States because it wasn't counted. Right.

But what I'm saying is it's sort of a Hobson's choice. We don't want to act like them, but we seem to be getting our ass kicked because we're the only ones playing by rules. Al Gore gave that debate book back, remember? When he got the debate book?

He said, no, this isn't cricket. Do you think that if in 2020 Trump is running again and he finds out that Putin helped him, he'd probably asking for his help? But if he, say he wasn't doing that, if he just... Do you think he'd report it? Of course. Of course not.

No. What do you do when only one side plays by rules? Well, if you believe in America and you believe in the decency of our democracy and our system, I don't think. I think Richard Nixon proved this. I think other presidents have proven it historically. Politics. Life proves it.

If you, you know, if you sleep with dogs, you come up with fleas. If you go down to their- But they get on all of us. Well, but they're... We can win by... offering Americans a better and real agenda that improves the lives, not of the billionaires, but of all Americans. If we do that, if we go out and show the ways in which they're attacking democracy, I've always believed in the truth, I believe in it now, and I think if you hold people up to account publicly,

that includes President Putin, or little green men running around in Ukraine, or wherever it is, shed light on it, push it in all the fora that are available to you. But you've got to honor the rule of law, because if you go outside of it, it won't have its meaning anymore when it needs to. I hope you're right about that. Well, I believe it. Yeah.

I believe it. John Kerry, good luck with the book. It's a terrific read. You're a terrific guy. I appreciate you coming here. John Kerry, everybody. All right. Let's meet our panel.

All right, here they are. He was our national coordinator for security and counterterrorism under President Clinton and Bush, you host the new podcast Future's Day. Richard Clark, back with us, Richard Clark. He's the Chief of National Correspondent for the New York Times Magazine. His latest book is The Big Game, the NFL Endangerous Times, Mark Liebevich.

And she's the host of CNN-S-E-Cup, unfiltered, our returning champion, SE Cup. Always great to see you. Okay, so it was a bad week for Trump. I know they said it every week, but come on. A Manafort flipped, and his Supreme Court nominee was accused of sexual assault, and he denied 3,000 people to do it.

You know, it was a bad week, a bad month and a bad summer, starting with Helsinki. Doug John was just saying Helsinki, the McCain funeral, this thing with Maria. I mean, it's just the bottom. Woodward book. I feel like, I feel better.

I feel like, really, because I feel a little lighter than I have in a very long time. The polls for him are going down. The people... The looks on the faces,

the people at his rallies, I think the magic is gone. They have a... They're bored. He hasn't written new material. You know, they have a look like, man, it's a lot about you. You know?

And I just think a con man, you know, con man traditionally skip town. He's working the same town. And eventually even his people catch up. I don't know. Am I too optimistic? Really? I'm never the one who's too optimistic.

So the last numbers I saw on the House races, 206 Democratic wins, 205 Republican wins, 24 jump ball. It's still close, Bill. Yeah, oh, I agree. We can't... There's no inevitability about a blue wave this year. All right, give me a minute of being happy. People got to get out and vote. Yeah, no, that's true. Democratic overconfidence is a problem every two for years. I mean, first of all,

Democrats have performed abysmally in midterms for like the last two midterms. Overconfidence was certainly a problem in 2016, and I think Democrats forget at their peril the incredible hole they found themselves in a year and a half ago and still are in. I think that's all right and fair. But let me join you momentarily in your optimism, which by the way is unbecoming on you. It really is not typical, but I felt like this week was different. The only thing that would have me think Republicans should, to be a little alarmed, is that his poll numbers are now where Ws were in 2006 at this time. And we all know what happened in 2006. It was a bloodbath for Republicans.

Right. So, yes, traditionally Democrats get overconfident. People lie to pollsters about this guy. But by the way, else. That's true, too. Lie saying they like him or don't like them? No, that they do. No, they're ashamed.

No, they're ashamed. Don't know. Right. Right. I wonder why. Right. Yeah. What's not to like?

Yeah. But I also think... But I also think, you know, they wanted an asshole. You're right. But not an asshole who was an asshole about 9-11 and John McCain dying. Or 3,000 dead Americans in Puerto Rico. It's some...

You know what? How many straws can you put on the camel's back? There are, I think, also, there are a lot fewer Republicans now than there were in 2006. And there are a lot fewer Republicans now than there were after Donald Trump was elected in 2016. There's the same number of crazy people, however. Maybe, maybe, but they're shifting around.

Some of them go left. There's 38% crazy people. But there always have been that 38. That's right. They used to call themselves birchers and then birthers and the teabaggers. They switch names, but it's the same people. Do you think he's going to voluntarily leave, though? See, that's why I was a little happy today.

Because I think for the first time, he, with the Manafort thing, this Manafort thing is big, right? Oh, good. Big fucking deal. Big fucking deal. that Manafort flipped on Fat Donnie. Okay. So I think for the first time Trump might be willing to, like, I don't, he didn't, no?

I don't think he's going to resign. I don't think, I think, I think, I think that that assumes a level of sort of psychic normalcy, sort of shame level, just someone who plays by the usual rules of honor. Not fear of jail level, because... That will fear of... He would be more likely to go to jail as a non-president as he is as a president. Well, he'd do a deal with Pence, like.

Exactly. Like Nixon did with Ford. Exactly. I'll quit if you pardon me. And of course Pence would go for that. He has no morals. But a lot of his exposure, a lot of his exposure is pardon proof. I mean, there are state court things that you can imagine that

that Manafort could get him on in New York. I mean, there's a lot, there are a lot of variables here. I think he's going to end up like Milton in office space. Like just moving around the building. He'll think he still works there. And Pence will, like, bring him White House stationary to doodle on. Absolutely good. So, any office space is it in him.

What do you think about this Brett Kavanaugh thing, where suddenly right before he's going to get to vote, and he's an ultimate suck-up and dick, Brett Kavanaugh. Well, he is. And he's only there because he's going to, you know, vote with pardoning Trump, basically, and letting him off the hook. Okay.

But now they're coming at him with his accusation from someone anonymous that he was at a party, which I find hard to believe. In high school. And drunk. Oh, drunk. Allegravee. That doesn't excuse it.

But sexual assault in high school from an anonymous source... I think it makes us look bad. It's not going to stop him. He'll get in. It's sad. But he will get in. Yes, he will get in.

But, I mean, is this something that... We need all to pray for Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Yeah, okay. Okay, let me move on to foreign affairs at 9-11 anniversary this week, but let's talk about the legacy, which is the war in Afghanistan, which is still going on. Although I don't know how much we're actually fighting a war. We have 14,000 troops there.

Look, I've always been against America having an empire. But doesn't 14,000 troops in a country next to Pakistan, which has nuclear weapons, make more sense than way more troops in Germany? I mean, Hitler, I think we got him. We've had troops in Korea for 70 years. We had troops in Germany for 50 years. I made a promise after 9-11

that we would never again allow a country to become a sanctuary for terrorists. And if we leave, as much as we would like to leave, I came here tonight with a Marine veteran who fought in Afghanistan, and I asked him this very question. He said, if we leave, it goes back to being a terrorist sanctuary. And we can't have that happen. We can't have that happen.

Also, Pakistan. You know, Obama was once pressed on what keeps you up at night? And he was like, well, everything that comes up for my desk is already. Okay. But the guy pressed it. What? And he said, Pakistan, which is what all the presidents say, because they have nuclear weapons, and they have a large segment of the population who'd love to use them,

and they have Islamic terrorists, and they have the Taliban. And Trump may have done one thing, and only one thing, as far as I can tell. right, and that is to cut off the aid to Pakistan, because they have been serving as a sanctuary, people who are in Pakistan, come across the border, kill American troops, and then go back, and the Pakistanis let them do it.

Fuck the Pakistanis. Whoa. Your hair is still on fire. Occasionally it is. What's left of it? Well, you're the guy who said your hair was on fire trying to get people to understand the danger before 9-11. Do you

think the public's hair is enough on fire now? Do you think the media's hair is enough on fire? My hair's been on fire. I taught the class last week at Harvard, graduate school class. And these people are 25 years old. They were in like seventh grade, you know,

when 9-11 happened. And I assume they know all about it. And they don't. This is graduate school at Harvard. People need to be reminded. You know, you need to get off their phone. Well, that's hard. That's why they don't read. But Trump today, Trump is, you know, this week, we were thinking about Trump at 9-11.

Someone remembered what Trump said after 9-11 and shows his deep empathy. He said, oh, the two towers have fallen. Now I own the tallest building in man. Right. Yeah. It's malignant narcissism. It is. I know.

I always just want to say to his supporters, that's your guy? That's the person you want to stand with? That's your guy. But, okay, let's not get off on that. Afghanistan. It does seem like we are always fighting the last war. I mean, here's Trump when he was

talking about Afghanistan and the Bob Woodberg book. He says, when are we going to start winning some wars? And he's talking about the commander in Afghanistan. I don't think he knows how to win. I don't think he's a winner. There's no victories. You should be killing guys. You don't need

a strategy to kill people. Richard Clark, you're an expert. Do you need a strategy to kill people? If you have a strategy, you don't have to kill people. If you do it, right. But that's the kind of war we're fighting, and we're always beefing up the Pentagon

with stupid weapons programs that we don't need and don't use. And meanwhile, how are the Russians, the real enemy now getting in? Facebook. Right, right. And they're still doing it. They're still tweeting. They're using the same Twitter identities.

They're still pretending to be African-Americans. They're still pretending to be Green Party activists. They are still out there, causing, trying to stir up the pot, trying to make Americans hate each other. But also, you know, Afghanistan's been the last war for about 25 years now, not just the last Obama war.

I mean, it was the Bush War, it was the Soviets war. It was, I mean, it's not like, I mean, you'd think that someone would have thought of this over like a whole century, right? I mean, if you just kill people properly, you could end the war in Afghanistan. But having said that, Donald Trump's base is very much in a just sort of knee-jerk isolation camp

where just bring everyone home. I mean, they don't think through a lot of, a lot of them don't think through the large geopolitical consequences we're talking about here, about safe havens or any historical things. So, I mean, I think politically he would love to just sort of get out. It's also, I think, worth pointing out just on the subject of Russia. I mean, there's cyber warfare that we are, I think, woefully unprepared for. And there's also electronic warfare on the battlefield. I talked to a congressman who worry a lot that Russian forces are jamming our communications devices.

is on the battlefield in Syria. And that Congress... They gave our embassy people brain problems because they microwaved them. Right, right. And we are not prepared for that. Where's the outrage there? Where's the response from the White House?

That's not an attack when they microwave our people? Talk about heroin fire. We had, last month, the head of U.S. intelligence say that Russians have hacked into the control systems for our power grid. And he used the 9-11 phrase. He said, the red lights are blinking. Yeah.

Notice any response? Huh? The Russians are in our power grid. Oh, okay. Give me the Twitter machine. All right. Well, I have to interrupt this fantastic conversation to do one of our favorite bits,

which is called, I don't know it for a fact. I just know it's true. Now, the people love it because, you know, this always comes about because as I go through my week and I'm reading people and listening to people, I'm always thinking, you know, I don't know this for a fact.

I just know it's true. And here are some that we just gathered for this, only this last couple of weeks. I don't know it for a fact. I just know it's true. I don't know for a fact that LaCroix is French for tap water. I just know it's true. I don't know for a fact that when Serena Williams

was yelling at that umpire, he peed a little. I know it's true. I can't prove it. I don't know for a fact that Betsy DeVos thinks Ronan Farrow is a Jewish holiday. I don't know for a fact that I have a podcast isn't nearly the pickup line it used to be.

I don't know for a fact that Steve Bannon has sex with his shirts on. I don't know for a fact that Stephen Miller is a dollhouse with a floor made from the teeth of dead teenagers. Screaming for that. I don't know for a fact that Ted Cruz's daughter has a giant poster of Betta O'Oroar.

in her bedroom. I don't know for a fact that Lindsey Graham has a giant poster of better a rourke in his bedroom. I don't know for a fact that Trump gets his blonde hair from the drain in Kelly Ann shower. I just know it's true. All right, he is the former CEO of Microsoft, who is now the founder of USA Fax and the chairman of the L.A. Clippers, Steve Ballmer. Steve.

How are you, Steve? Good man, thanks. Great to meet you. Nice to see you. You, uh, you bounded out here just the way. I thought you would. With a little energy? Oh, my God.

And you're talking bags. I love you. You are a ball of energy. Where do you get this energy, Steve? What are you smoking? Can you share someone? I even got off that caffeine stuff. I'm all LeCroix all the time.

Okay. All right. So, yes, I love what you're doing. This USA Fax thing, right? Tell the people what it is, because it's sort of inherently anti-Trump because it's about facts. Well, we started, I started about four years ago.

My wife said, I'd retired. She said, it's time to get involved philanthropically. And, you know, we're focused on kids and kids in need. I said, all we need to do is pair taxes. Let's be good taxpayers. Government takes care of that. And she said, dude, come on. We can do better than that.

But it got me to say, I wonder really where the tax dollars come from and where they go. It's so amazing. Just the facts. Right. People will, like, scroll through 100 Yelp reviews to find a taco stand. But they have no idea where their tax dollars go. And you did a deep dive like a businessman. Because you were the head of Microsoft.

You're a businessman. I said I at least ought to read stuff that's as good as you can read about any public company. To find out where the money's going, what it's doing, what the outcome is. And give us some examples like health care. Take health care. Since 1980, health care per person, inflation adjusted, is up 225%. 225%. Okay? Let's take a look. People like to talk about life expectancy. I'm not a life expectancy guy. That's forecast and futures. I just look at the average age at which people die. That seems to me about actuals, not forecast. Steve, you're never going to die. I have a feeling that nothing can kill this right over here. But in the last 20 years, average age at which people die has gone from 72.3 years to 72.9 years.

Wow. That's it. For all the money, we're just hemorrhaging into health care. You'd think we'd be buying people extra life. But obesity's up, a lot of these other factors. So are we spending our health care dollars? Well, I'll leave it to you to decide. Well, we need health care dollars, I think, a lot because we eat shit and we breathe shit.

Exactly. If we had a healthier environment to live in, the tax bill would, I mean, the health care bill would go way down. You've also studied the environment, right? Absolutely. I mean, the amount of disasters, as we're seeing another storm this week, right? Hasn't that, like, way jumped? Yeah, natural disaster declarations over the last 10 years or so have jumped, in fact. And it's interesting.

You can't actually say what's caused it. But you can see things that are going on. You can look at the climate data. I'm kind of a science-oriented guy. I'll just tell you that. At USA Facts, we're not partisan. We're not partisan on the issues. We're not.

We'll just give you the data. It's great because the second you take aside, people are going to then in this tribal atmosphere say, oh, I don't believe it, even though it's a fact. So that's great. You're just putting it out there. We'll take government numbers. We'll show you what they are.

I mean, you can take a look at the border thing. Border agents are up. Apprehensions are down. Undocumented immigrant estimates are flat. Well, you have to decide how you think about it. We can't tell you. Right. We'll just give you the numbers.

So what about education? Are our children reading gooder? Yeah, you got me there. You can look at that number. Education spend per student has about doubled over the class, again, inflation adjusted over the last 30 years or so. About doubled. And yet still, only about a third of our... kids third grade level can read

at grade level are proficient in third grade reading. A third of kids and yet we have doubled spend. Speaking of spending, let me ask you this. I read the other day that you are worth $43 billion. Is that the number? Well, it's, of course,

when you have that much, you're not getting the checkbook at the end of the month and... I can't read it on USA Back so it must not be true. Go ahead. I'm not. I think Chris Farley died and went into you. I do.

But, I mean, does anyone need $40 billion? Not to live on. But should anybody have $40 billion? FDR once proposed not just a minimum wage, but a maximum wage. Yeah, I mean, it's an interesting thing. Should anybody have it? No. In our case, will we have it?

No, we're trying to give away. the money, focused again on kids in poverty. All of it? We give away as much as we sensibly can in our lifetime. You can live on a billion, right? Yeah, yeah, you can't. Plus the clippers. I get to keep the clippers. Oh, absolutely.

No, but you don't need it, but the question is, can you do well with it? Okay, but like, I always base money on, like, what percentage of your money? You know, like, when I started, I would do any job for $30. I told jokes in bars, with no stage with sawdust on the floor. Now they can offer me a lot,

not your kind of money. And I won't do it because it's a day of my life. I don't want to go someplace and talk to corporate assholes. I don't care how much you pay me. You can't buy a day at the age of 62. So what I'm saying, Steve, is... I just gave a million dollars to the Democrats. For me, that's a lot of money.

Because I think the most important... thing to do in the world right now is get rid of Donald Trump, or at least check him. But it seems to me because, like, even though that's a lot of money, it won't change my life. I won't have to drive an Uber. I don't have expensive hobbies.

I'm not one of those dumbass celebrities who has you know, fucking... Let's not go into it. But it seems like you could win this election by yourself. And not feeling. And me personally, I... Personally, I would think that's about the most unethical thing you could possibly do.

For yourself? You don't think turning an election is an ethical thing to do when the person you're running against is Trump? Then you get into a question of, you know, how you think about things? No. For my morals, no. I'm not buying elections. I'm just not doing it. Okay. I tried. All right. Well, you know who is back out on the campaign trail is George W. Bush, which You know, I was just starting to not hate him. And this is the guy who said, and he's campaigning for Republicans,

and this is the guy who said, you're either with us or against us. You'd think of all people he would understand that if you're campaigning for Republicans, you are helping Donald Trump. You are getting people who are going to enable Donald Trump and vote with him. But news flash. George W. Bush is a partisan Republican.

He governed as a partisan Republican. And, you know, just because we have this gauzyness, nostalgia over anything pre-Trump doesn't mean that everyone is going to fall into line into something that could conceivably help or hurt Donald Trump. I mean, George W. Bush presumably believes in these people and what they stand for that he's campaigning for. So, I don't know. I mean, what's he supposed to? What was that side for your nose about it? Well, I love George Bush. I always have. I still do. Wow.

You couldn't, I can't count, I can count on one hand the Republicans I would go campaign for right now. They're all named Ben Zass, by the way. But I just think you have to earn that, and the job of Congress isn't just to pass laws. It's to perform a basic check on the executive office. They have shirked that responsibility. They should not get the benefit of these kinds of endorsements. And as a former president, I think you should care about those basic checks

and whether these people are doing the job they were elected to do, and most of them are not. And therefore... Bless so good If he in good conscience really believes that these are good people and will do the right thing when, you know, when... Based on what evidence? They won't do the right thing.

They haven't. Come on. No Republican member of Congress has done the right thing so far. I don't think that's true. And look, they are... There are good people. There are good people. There are all kinds of crazy stuff right now in the world. I'm just going to go with that.

There's a lot of people who aren't, you know, alternate facts, fake news. It drives me bullshit, to be honest. On the other hand, that doesn't make everybody involved in the system not have good values, good morals. There may be some. In fact, there's some guys who don't use the facts

at all, I hear out there. No, they have, they're good people. But they have had an opportunity to be that check on power, to be good stewards of this Congress. Well, then they're not good people. And they haven't. They haven't.

Yeah. So you can't have it both ways. You are what you do. My oldest motto, you are what you do. If you do bad things, you are not good. And a vote for any Republican member of the House or any Republican member of the Senate is a vote for Donald Trump.

That's right. That's all I'm saying. Bush was a never-Trumper. But now you're... Just know George W. Bush, you're now a Trump enabler. But having George W. Bush campaign for you probably won't help. No, he's actually very popular.

His popularity has doubled since he was in office. That's what a short memory Americans have. No, that's because of Trump. I mean, that's a lot of Trump, right? Right. That's the... People like Mitt Romney and George W. Bush and Don McCain now all seem great to a lot of Democrats.

The ultimate soft bigotry of low expectations is... Oh, I see what you did there. You're better than Donald Trump. Right. Okay, I want to talk with the few minutes we have left about football. It's about your book. You're a team owner in basketball. but you understand the game.

What? They're not the same. I understand that basketball and football are, but they're owners. Yes. They're all pioneers. All right. Can I get to what I was?

Sure. Thank you. Thank you, Mary. Because I saw on my friend Brian Gubble's fantastic sports show, but not 20 years, always the best sport show, that they did a thing on cheerleaders. They were by the first ones, like five years ago,

who did a thing about how cheerleaders are not paid. Now they're like saying, we should take away the cheerleaders. Maybe their time has come. You know, they took away the pageant, bathing suits and stuff, whatever. But I was like, Brian, why don't they just take away the militarism? I kind of like the cheerleaders. Maybe that makes me a sexist.

But why do we have to mix football? You know, the season just started with so much this patriotic bullshit. You know, the flyovers and the flag on the field and the singing and the baseball has two songs now. Like, I forget. They sing the national anthem at the beginning in the seventh inning. Like, I forgot what country I'm in and six innings. It still takes me a while to not start saying, take me.

I love baseball. Baseball's the best for it. You know, this country is great because it allows us to criticize it all the damn time. We complain about America all that time. Exactly. Can we not take a minute to express some gratitude to people who serve? You didn't serve. I didn't serve.

Isn't it nice to take a men during a baseball game? Is it that hard? But you would say, okay, Colin Kaepernick shouldn't be kneeling before the national anthem because we have to take... Okay, but one, many people have said, to quote the president, that Colin Kaepernick shouldn't be protesting the national anthem because we should take politics out of sports. When, in fact, I mean, many NFL owners give money to Republican candidates,

seven have given money to Donald Trump's inauguration. There's, I mean, the owner of the Arizona Cardinals recently sort of came out in full-throated support of Brett Kavanaugh. So basically they're saying no politics in sports unless the owners want to do it. I mean, don't you think that's like fundamentally hip-poll? I mean, have you ever told me? Well, I can't speak for the NFL. I won't speak for the NFL. I can't speak for the NBA. Yeah, I'll speak for the NBA. We believe our players should express themselves. We are pleased to see our players to express

themselves. Our players have found very constructive ways to express themselves. Our players are free to, I encourage our players Use your platform. Speak. Let's not forget how you got... Let's not forget how you got the team. A guy expressed himself in his living room and lost him. He was a horse's ass.

I benefited and I'm happy about it. Can I get those earplugs that I just had? But to answer... Tentzi, your question. You know, the government pays for this. $5.5.4 million in taxpayer dollars was paid to 14 NFL teams between

2011 and 2014 to put on this recruiting show. Would you prefer a mandatory draft? No, no, I wouldn't. But when you're saying, why should we... What's wrong with it? It's like saying what's wrong with prayer in school? It's just maybe not we all... We're all at a football

game to watch football. Just like we're all in school to learn. We're not there to pray, and we're not there to pray to It's making a compulsory for us to stand and say thank you for your service. And every veteran knows that's crap. Who's making you? The stadium says, thank you for your service. Everybody stands, everybody applause.

So it's making you. You're free to sit down. Oh yeah. Oh, right. And first of all... Who's gonna arrest you for not standing? That's absurd. I learned this in your book.

Football is very... It's the most conservative sport. Oh, no. Glad I'm into baseball. Yeah. No, it is. It's about 75% African-American. African American is the workforce.

Every single owner, except for one, is born in Pakistan, is white. And the fan surveys usually have about maybe 60% of the fans being Republicans. The vast majority of owners are Republicans. So, yes, it is by far the most Republican of sports. Looks very, very different than our sport. Fan base is much more diverse. Our player base is at least as heavy a percentage of African Americans and Europeans. To be fair, we have both.

in the league, and we have a younger audience. We appeal to what's going on going forward. I'm happy people stand. We do the national anthem. I think it's right to honor our country. That honors everybody in our country. People who served and did well by this country and other Americans who are trying to do well every day.

So I think that's fine. So, Steve, how come you let the Lakers get LeBron? All right, thank you, Palo. We have to move on. No, no, no. All right, it's time for new rules, everybody, new rules. New rule, when I offer you cake, don't say just a tiny, tiny piece.

We get it, Gandhi, you're better than everybody else. Well, I'm taking an even tinier piece. Who's a fat-faced cake hog now? Oh, and happy birthday, Grandma. New Rule ads on YouTube longer than five seconds must realize they're kidding themselves. I watch these skis. and a skip ad button with my finger ready to pounce

like a game show contestant waiting to hit the buzzer. My time is precious. The less time I watch ads, the more time I can watch a dog lick a pizza on TV. New Rule, women have to admit the cucumber on the eyes thing is bullshit. That's just something lonely moms made up when they lock themselves in the bathroom.

What are you doing in there, Mom? Getting rid of some stress. What's the cucumber for? My eyes, now go away. New Rule, now, now now, now, now that this Saudi man has covered himself in bees from head to toe with only his eyes showing,

his wife gets to say, how's it feel, asshole? New Rule, now that Paul McCartney has admitted that he once masturbated with John Lennon, he has to tell us, is that when you guys wrote, come together? And finally, new role, someone has to tell me why all the best voices speaking out against Republicans are Republicans. Nicole Wallace, Steve Schmidt, Rick Wilson, George Will, Brett Stevens, Joe Scarborough, Richard Painter, Michael Steele, Jennifer Rubin, David Jolly, Anna Navarro, Max Boot, David Frum.

They're the ones who are out there with the gloves off landing head punches. Even Trump's own people tear him down better than any Democrat. McMaster called him a dope. Mattis, a fifth grader. Steve McNooch, idiot. Reince Priebus, idiot. John Kelly, fucking idiot.

Rex Tillerson, fucking moron. Gary Cohen, dumb as shit. Where are our potty mouths? The midterms are 52 days away and we know what the Republicans are going to be running on. Socialism. You can't vote for Democrats because they're socialists

and socialism is a work camp in Siberia. And one thing Republicans are really good at is they get in a room together, they come up with the line of bullshit, and they all repeat it over and over and over until even Tommy Lyren can do it. This year, they even taught it to Trump.

And they want to raid Medicare to pay for socialism. He really puts the moron in oxymoron, doesn't he? Remember back in 2009, the teabagger at the town hall who shouted, Keep your government hands off my Medicare? Well, that dummy is now president. But I still don't hear Democrats explaining that Medicare is

socialism, and so are the other super popular programs like Social Security and the ban on denying coverage for pre-existing conditions. Trump just gave farmers a $12 billion bailout to make up for his stupid tariffs. We took tax money from some people, mostly in New York and California, and gave it to fucking farmers. I mean farmers.

That's socialism. Socialism is the reason you don't have to bring your own highway when you want to drive somewhere. It's why there's a fire department to show up when you're burning Nike spread to the house. The U.S. military does more socialism by 9 a.m. than Venezuela does all day.

We build weapons that even the Pentagon says it doesn't want. That's a jobs program. Socialism. You're soaking in it. Even Trump voters like their government goodies. Why can Democrats all get in a room and come out with a single answer to the scary socialism charge? This is the attack on us.

And Democrats' response is, I would say crickets, but crickets make some noise. Like, there is a wholly compromised Russian asset in the White House. You can't make a little political hay out of that. He's not on our side. That's so hard He's not on our side Like literally When stuff comes up where he has to side

With either our FBI At Intelligence agencies You know from America Or what Russia says He goes with them Nothing? Nothing to make out of that Even though he's constantly confessing it Trump's Twitter pages

Like that scene in every Bond movie Where the villain tells Bond his evil plot He's the man with the golden shower. Here's Steve Schmidt after the summit in Helsinki. It's the musings of an imbecile. Vladimir Putin looks across to the other podium. What he sees standing there is a fool who's doing Vladimir Putin's bidding. Trump is what the Russians call a useful idiot.

Someone in service to the Russian Federation either unwitting or wittingly. for wedding late. Contrast that with Diane Feinstein, who said last year, look, this man is going to be president, most likely for the rest of his term. I just hope he has the ability to learn and to change, and if he does, he can be a good precedent. No, he can't do any of those things.

And Democrats' rhetoric does not nearly match the level of that crisis. The Democrats, as usual, are making a molehill out of a mountain. The FBI, the CIA, the Department of Justice, especially here on 9-11 week. Let's remember, these are the thousands and thousands of America's most dedicated public servants. The straight arrows. You too. The straight arrows who protect us. He attacks them.

He's not on our side. How about this for a slogan? We're not socialists, your traitors. All right. I'll be at the ovens. And come up with the Carolinas after the storm from Charlotte, North Carolina to cheer you up, September 22nd and at the Durham Performing Arts Center

in Durham on the 23rd. I want to thank Richard Clark, Mark Lieberovich, Jesse Cupp, Steve Marmer and John Kerry. Join us now for overtime on YouTube. Thank you. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10. Or watch them anytime on HBO On Demand.

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