Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #512: Chris Cuomo, Zach Galifianakis

Episode Date: October 26, 2019

Bill’s guests are Chris Cuomo, Zach Galifianakis, Dan Carlin, Donny Deutsch, and Elissa Slotkin. (Originally aired 10/25/19) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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podcast from the HBO late-month series, Real Time with Bill Maugh. Always like this for our Halloween show. This is our Halloween is coming up. You're excited. I'm going out this year as a quid pro quo. But I love Halloween in Los Angeles. The women, they always say, I love dressing up,

and then they go out wearing nothing but underwear and kitten ears. That's... This is... duly noted, sir. Here a veil. But this is a very beautiful time here in southern California, I think. Midfall, right? It's a lot like New England.

Our trees turning a beautiful shade of red and gold. Of course, that's because they're on fire here. Yeah, we have 600 fires going. It can be very confusing among the hipsters out here because a kid said to me today, that's fire. I didn't know who's complimenting my shirt or talking about it. something sparking up behind me. So Trump says

he will send federal aid for the fires, but first we have to come up with some dirt on Joe Biden. So that's... Oh, this... This impeachment inquiry is making a crazy person crazy. The other day, he said the impeachment inquiry was a lynching.

Don't you love that about Donald Trump? Even when he's fighting for his political life, he still is able to squeeze in a little racism. You know, he's... And his... His level of self-pity, I don't think we could ever measure this. You know, I...

It's all-inspiring. It's like the depths of the universe that every day, the president of the United States acts like a high school girl who was sopping into his pillow that everybody hates him, and all his fans are like, finally, a real man in the White House.

I mean, he's... He's not crazy or anything, but today he ordered the Justice Department get this to investigate the Justice Department. Yeah, no, he's been asking this for a while. He's mad at the Justice Department for conducting, of course, the Russia Mueller inquiry, so he's having the good people at the Justice Department

look into those horrible people at the Justice Department, which explains the new chant at the rallies. Lock me up. It's like so... Well, what sent him off the rails was testimony from this guy named Bill Taylor. I'd never heard of this guy. We shouldn't. He's one of those deep state heroes you don't hear about, our top guy who was in Ukraine.

He gave the testimony incredibly credible. He's West Point, served in Vietnam. All the credibility in the world, the upshot was Trump did it. He did exactly what he was being accused of doing. There is nothing left the Republicans to go to except physically disrupting the hearings, which they did. A bunch of the Republican lawmakers barged into closed-door proceedings

because that's how you handle a lynching by sending in a mob of angry white men. And the Republicans were all saying the Democrats are holding a secret inquiry. Let us in. They were chatting. Let us in. Let us in. You're already in. There are Republicans on the committee already. They are inside asking any questions they want.

And they claim they're being shut. shut out. Shut out. It's like the Houston Astros saying we're being shut out of the World Series. No. No, you're just losing the World Series. You're not being shut out of it. Oh, speaking of the World Series, Trump says he is going to a game five,

if there is a game five. He doesn't really like baseball, but he'll go anywhere where there's a chance a Latino might run into a wall. But he says, no throwing out the first pitch. No, President, no, he's not going to do that. He said he'd like to, but throwing makes his tits jiggle. So it's...

It's just getting so mad king out there. Today, I'm not making this up. Trump ordered the government, everybody in the government, to cancel subscriptions to the New York Times and the Washington Post. He's like Louis the 14th. Don't show me anything sad. only want to see pretty things. No, really?

You're in the government? And you're not allowed to have a newspaper? Melania was pissed. She said, no newspapers. What am I going to use to line my cage? And yet, what are people talking about? They're talking about a congresswoman from right up north here, Palmdale area. Anyone from that area?

You're Congress. Katie Hill. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. No, her, going through a divorce, the husband boy divorce is rough. Glad an empty did that. The ex put out photos of her nude making out with a woman smoking a bong. I gotta tell you, I was shocked.

A bong in 2019? Call me, Katie. Really? No, I think it's great. I don't care who knows it. I think it's about time a congresswoman got down with another woman, and it explains her slogan, I'm with her.

But this was apparently... She and her husband and the woman, this was a relationship, like a real a throple, they call it. Only millennials could ruin threesomes by making them monogamous. I got to tell you. But finally, I have important news.

Again, California news. Felicity Huffman was released today after serving 11 of her 14-day sentence. The good news for her is that she got out early. The bad news is that she is now a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. Got a great show. Donnie Deutsch.

Alyssa Slotkin and Dan Carlin are here in a little letter he was speaking with. Zach Gallifanakis is up. And first off, he is the anchor of CNN's Cuomo prime time and the host of of Sirius X-Ms. Let's get after it. Chris Cuomo! There was a time when you brought on an

anchorman and they would not get a standing ovation. Ancermen are kind of having a moment. Did you read that story? They're big popular on talk shows and stuff. Yeah, my therapist is talking to me about it a lot recently. You have a therapist? I was here with Howard Stern.

I have a whole team. Oh, Jesus. I'm the only one left in the control group? Okay. But, you know, CNN, which is where you're at, I mean, you started at Fox. I didn't know that. I was reading about it. I did, what was that like? Did Roger Ailes ever grab your ass?

No, but apparently I was one of the only ones that he did. But I did start there as my first job. You fit in with the, they must have known your pedigree. No, I left for a reason. You know, the funny thing is, Roger was one of the only people who would hire me. because he took a chance on whether or not I would be able to be fair. You know, at the time, you couldn't come from a political family and have any hope in journalism, that you'd have to be an analyst, you know,

or go into politics itself. And I didn't want to do that. So he gave me an opportunity to try out lots of different parts of reporting. He really knew a lot about interviewing in particular, but the idea of telling a story. But eventually I had to leave because I couldn't tell stories the way he wanted. Already there are people mad at you because you said some nice things sort of about Roger Ailes. And this is something you and I both face with, because we platform people, Chris.

In other words, we give people who we don't agree with a chance to speak. And there's a lot of liberals who hate that because you should only talk amongst the people who already agree with you. I mean, they hate you because you are friends with Kelly Ann Conway and have her on. I wish that were the only thing. I feel like I'm so surprised when anyone is nice to me at any time, you know, including my kids, because everybody's got an opinion now. They used to just not watch. Now I wish they didn't watch.

Well, it's interesting because CNN used to be the neutral station. I mean, there was MSNBC on the left, and you had Fox News on the right. I mean, we all knew that. Sometimes I would watch Fox News just to see what they're saying. I couldn't take too much of it. I knew what MSNBC was.

But CNN was like, okay, these guys are trying to play it right down the middle. Now you're getting sued by the president. How do you play it down the middle, I guess is the question, when the president is so far to one side? Well, look, I think what has changed is the president and how he has decided to conduct his office. There's nothing non-neutral about facts.

You know, if you want to talk about what's going on and test arguments, that is what it is. It's not left or right. Either you're telling the truth or you're not. Either your argument makes sense or it doesn't. I think what has changed is how this president is. What we never had before was someone who would say, no, it's not that I disagree with you.

It's that you're a bad person, Bill, for asking me that question. You're bad. They shouldn't like you. And it's fake. Scum. What you said about me is fake. Scum. He said that about his own people. I know. He said that about people in his own party.

He didn't say it about me. He said much worse. Human scum. But wow. And then the press secretary, this is what's new. So usually the press secretary comes in and says, no, you heard scum. I heard thumb, which means.

they're just one part of the hand. Now she comes in and says, yeah, that's how it is. If you've been against this president, that's how we should speak about you. That's the biggest problem I think we all think. Well, and also, I mean, CNN, the trust factor in CNN has gone way down

from something like 64% 20 years ago to like 48%. What is that about? You're saying it's just me? No. I was nervous about this. Now I know why. Here's what I think has happened.

If we are honest with ourselves, people have been skeptical about institutions in the media for a long time. You can get a sense of bias in the media, that it's only telling you certain stories a certain way. And I think very often that criticism is well-founded. However, I will tell you this. This president is playing on every weakness in our social fabric. I believe the book that will be written about him that will be most dispositive of what he meant is the luckiest man in the history of the game, because he lies a lot, and people suspect that they all lie. He says that he's going to do something, but it doesn't happen that way. They believe it's the industry standard in politics.

He does things with Ukraine. They believe, well, it must happen all the time. He says the media is fake. People have been suspicious of that. So he's playing to people's prejudices as a demagogue does. But I'll tell you this, Bill, I've never had so many people say, I support what you're doing, as is happening right now. But you get a lot of hate, as you said. I do. Those are only my four cousins that clapped. Right.

I mean, you know, you have... Real hate, too, by the way. Not I don't like what you said. Right. Come to your house, find your kids on social media. Right. Talk to your kids in a restaurant nine years old and say things that you should only say, man to man, that's new for me.

Yeah, no, I know you had that dust up with the Fredo thing. Oh, you heard. I heard about that, and, you know, I feel bad for you all that. I mean, look, believe me, I get some of this, too, but I don't have a family, so I have to worry about kids, thank Christ. But it must be horrible. I can't imagine what that's

like. But the Frato thing, I just got to, what bothered me about that is that liberals have this reputation for make everything identity politics. And Fredo, I'm sorry, it's just not a thing. It's just not a slur. It's not an Italian slur. It means dumb brother, which you're not,

but you have a brother who's the governor in New York. That's where that came from. I'd like to see you call him that. I'm not going to call anybody there. Where it came from is, I've dealt with this. But it's not about ethnicity. I think the context matters. That is not my experience.

They talk about, they call me Italian names. Ever since he came into office, they started identifying me by ethnicity, mobs to Godfather that. I see it as an extension of that. Your father had it when he was the governor in New York. That was one of the scuttle-butt things they would say about, like, oh, Mario Cuomo. He's somehow with the mob because he's Italian. That's a slur on the Italians. Fredo just means dumb brother. Okay. We can agree to disagree. Well, I'll tell you what's interesting, but I guess this is social

progress, that you can now have an opinion about what an Italian can find offensive. I didn't say you couldn't find it. You were. You can... Look. Okay, goodbye. Usually when we shake hands, you're gone. I'm just a fan. Well, thank you.

I mean, of course... Well, it's interesting because a lot of times white men aren't a lot of time of opinion on anything. You know, political correctness has a great set of goals and how we get there has been very uneven. And I think it's a concern for us

as a society because now you have a president that once again is playing to people's questions about political correct. and not in the way that you do with this razor-sharp scalpel on when it makes sense and when it doesn't, which is part of your genius. Finish your thought, Chris.

Let the man speak. I would not have missed the show and phone all the way out here if I didn't think that you were the best of what you do. Thank you. But that's not what he does. No. What he does is his plays on all the prejudices

that make political correctness necessary. And, you know, we have to be careful that you don't wind up punishing the people that you need to help protect your cause. And I think we're still finding our way. Well, okay, so I watched you on the LGBTQ town hall, CNN had. This to me says a lot about the Democrats.

Here are the Democrats doing a town hall just for the LGBT community. Yes. Liberal people supporting this liberal principle, and they were interrupted by protesters who, I guess, thought they weren't going far enough. Beto and Pete, who I believe, has some credentials in the LGBT community.

We're both interrupted by people screaming, you know, trans lives matter. No one was disputing this. What did you make of that? Here's what I made of it, because I was there. I got to see it. First of all, what I love seeing was not just the candidates, because they know they're being measured for how they deal with situations like that. But I thought that Anderson and Don Lemon, it happened for Anderson Cooper and Don Lemon in both their segments.

I love that they respected the protest because the transgender community specifically feels so targeted. I got where they were upset. But not by these people. Who are there to help? Yes. But what they saw was a chance to get their message out. And they really believe that they're being preyed upon. They're being hunted.

And it was an opportunity for them to get a national audience to see that they're scared and they need help. And I respect that. Which is what the Democrats were doing. Okay. Listen, I'm happy to go after it and call things out. where I don't like it. That's what my show is all about. But, you know, they need protection. Okay. So the two,

three-fourths of the squad came out for Bernie Sanders. Yes. Yes. Yes, they did. I just, I laugh at that because I don't know how that squad thing actually happened. Like, I don't, I don't know why we're calling a bunch of freshmen some kind of entity of influence in a system

they just got into it. Because they do have a lot of influence. They have a lot of social media influence. They have political cachet. The media loves to talk about them. But I think, you have to put points on the board if you're going to earn your office. Get things done for your constituents, not just for your own profile. Is... Okay. My question was...

Louis! I love you. Imagine if that were his name. That was so Italian of you. I know. I take no offense. No, you should. But is that the squad coming out for Bernie? First thing I thought was, that's good for Elizabeth Warren. Because? Because it makes him to the left of her.

her and she needs to move to the middle. And what always happens, it's not unusual in politics, you know this, I'm sure all of you do also, is that primary takes you to a poll, a polar position within your party and then you try to fight your way back to the center. I think what's going on with the Democratic Party is a little bit more extreme than we've seen in the past. We had a poll not too long ago that said if the person running against this president identifies as socialist or can be identified reasonably as socialist. They lose by six points.

So I think labels matter in politics. They do. I think the Senator Sanders has a tough time in defining socialist as a good thing to a capitalist society that doesn't like the idea of that kind of distribution of assets

in general. Even in his own party, I don't think it really goes. I think they got a tough task. Chris Cuomo, thank you very much. Thank you for saying out here. All your kind words. All right. Let's meet our panel. Okay, he is the host of the award-winning podcast, Hardcore History, whose new book is The End is Always Near.

Apocalyptic moments from the Bronze Age Collapse to Nuclear Near Mrs. Dan, how you doing? He's an advertising icon on the host of MSNBC's Summer Show Saturday Night Politics. Danny Deutsch is with us, finally. And she's an ex-CIA analyst and first-term Democratic Congresswoman representing Michigan's 8th District, Alyssa Slotkin. you back here. So I've many times read the dictator checklist on our show, the things Donald Trump does that are like

a dictator. I'm not going to read the whole thing again. You know most of them. Points family members. Scary rallies. Says lock up my opponents. Is in it for personal financial gain. Love's other dictators. State run TV. Parades. This week, though, wow. He added like five to the list. Calling people human scum. physically disrupting hearings when it gets physical,

investigating the investigators. He said, you people and your phony emoluments clause, it's, you know, in the Constitution. I'll get to the ethnic cleansing in a little while. But I feel like this is the not going gently addition of the dictator checklist. This is not, he is, it's going to get uglier. You think he's just going to let us take.

him out of there? No, human scum. He is not. It's going to be human scum and goons breaking up meetings and I don't know what's next. What are your predictions? You know, we use the term authoritative tendencies. Let's stop with that. He's an all-out dictator. You know, I took a lot of heat on my show, going through Nazi Germany in the 30s and the parallels. And what I will say is this, and I've known Donald Trump for 20 years, he's a sociopath. And whatever the worst tyrants in history were capable of doing, he is capable of doing. We all keep saying it can't happen here.

It can't happen here. It is happening here. And people need to be frightened. Did you go that far? I mean, listen, I think for me, watching what's going on is just, especially as a former CIA officer, former Pentagon official, my husband served 30 years in the Army,

it's just fundamentally unbecoming of the country that I served and that we all love. And I feel that every single day it's the only thing that could have gotten me into politics. And it's what I wake up every day in Steel Feel. I think that the president, for all he's talked about, doing things for people, should try and focus on issues that matter to people.

They're pocketbooks and their kids and not just obsessively. We're so past that. We are so past. Not in the district I'm from. I'm not saying what voters want, but expecting this guy to do that? Serve any other God but himself? I understand.

but I think while the back and forth and the bickering are going on... But you're for impeachment now and you weren't for when it was about Russia and Mueller. This is different. That must be the fact that people in your district see it differently. I don't know how differently they see it. But for me, that very, very basic idea

that the president of the United States, the most powerful man in the world, reached out to a foreigner, foreign leader, and asked for information on an American. To me, that was beyond the pale. And that wasn't Russia, if you're listening, that wasn't the same? One, because I think it's different.

Okay. First of all, on Chris Cuomo's show, we have the president's lawyer, and then later the president acknowledging what they did. And it's also prospective, not retrospective, right? It's not about what happened in the past. It's what is happening right now for 2020. And for me, I'd always said, and a lot of people in my district still feel, like, you know what, I don't love Donald Trump,

but let's let the election decide. and then he came out and said he was trying to muck with the election. So that ability to sort of stand back and say, you know what, I pledge a note to the Constitution, but I'm just going to sit back for me and others like me with a national security background. We came out together. It seems like there's a lot of Democrats.

It seems like there's a lot of Democrats with a profile like yours. It used to be the Republicans. You're CIA. I'm reped by CAA. That's why I hasn't said it. I'm not from the CIA. And now, like, the Republicans. Republicans are gym teachers.

You know, it's the Democrats who seem to be the ones who are the warriors, and yet they still don't get the benefit of the doubt. I ask this every week, but how did they get away the Republicans with doing this unpatriotic shit? He lost Syria. I mean, the Democrats

lost one consulate in Benghazi. You'd think the world came to a name? You imagine if Obama had made the military or non-military moves that Trump just made what they would be doing to him right now? And, you know, was very interesting is what Donald Trump did last week

he made all of you less safe. There are 100 ISIS fighters that were let out of jail. Iran and Russia now have a foothold in the Middle East. He is owned by Putin. He made you and me and our children less safe. It's as simple as that. Let me look on the bright side here for a

second. There is another way to look at this. I remember after Watergate, people saying it was good that Watergate happened. It was good that somebody went too far and you got a chance for the Constitutional Republic to bounce back a little I've been saying for years that the growth of the imperial presidency, along with a bazillion other people, is a problem. But you almost have to get somebody in there who starts playing with the levers and the switches in such a way that's so irresponsible that everybody can go,

yeah, you know, this is a problem. This is a guy who runs an executive branch that's stronger vis-a-vis the other branches of government than we've ever had. But they're not. I mean, that would be great. That scenario would be worked out perfectly if his approval rating was 11%. But it's not. Moody's just came out and said he's going to win next time by our calculations and he could. He did last time when no one thought he could. We run our socialist, he damn well won win.

Just the exact way Chris Cuomo said before. We run somebody who he can label a socialist, he will win the election. It's funny, these label socialists. I mean, he's now investigating the investigators. I mean, Bill Barrie's the Attorney General. He's going through Europe, looking,

hunting down conspiracy theories. Is this what the Attorney General, the United States, supposed to be doing? I thought he was supposed to be draining our swamp. He's over there in Italy, in Australia, in Britain, hunting down this nonsense. You left out something in your dictator list beyond create and other, all of a sudden the Justice Department is not in the individual branch. It serves not only at the pleasure of the president, but for and on behalf of the president. You, by the way, you and I can end up in jail really easily. Oh, I believe me. I mean, we're not that far from that. And that's one reason. I'm a doom and gloom guy, but I really believe it is this bad.

me, that's why I don't eat pot anymore. Because when I eat it, I get paranoid, and that's what I think about. Which is the Attorney General, though? That's the truth. It's legal here. I guess I'm trying to think of the Attorney General, though, that was really seemingly on the side of either the executive branch

or the people or what. I think of Edwin Meese. I think of John Mitchell. I think of all these guys, all these guys that seem like their job is really to protect the president. And then we think it's strange when this guy does what all the other attorney general attorneys general. No, I'm sorry, this is different. And I say this as a former CIA officer.

What leadership climate is set from the top, this president from the very beginning, has been attacking his own institutions, the CIA, the intelligence community, the Department of Justice, the FBI. And one of the hardest things for me, I did a bunch of town halls after I came out for an impeachment inquiry. The hardest thing for me was hearing people say that the president had to go to foreigners to investigate his rivals because he couldn't trust his own FBI and his own CIA. Do you know how crazy that is? These people wake up every single day and protect the country

and they do it like with their heads down, no stone and it is one of the most difficult things for those of us who have worked in the service. You know, Senator... A Republican senator said that last week.

Senator Ron Johnson. He says Republican said they asked... Chuck Todd asked him, do you trust the FBI? No. It's like... It's like... Coach the team. And when I saw this guy Bill Taylor, you know, he's just, I've seen so many of these guys. Even Comey, who obviously

rat fucked the election with that letter, but I don't think he did it on purpose. I don't know. I think he's a straight arrow and Clapper and Brennan, all these straight arrows and Bill Taylor. And I just what I worry about is how many more of them are left? These

deep state heroes, I feel like little by little they're getting rid of all of them. And then it's just going to be the Bill bars and the Stephen Miller's and the lackeys and the gerbils. Give a little sunshine. To me, the fact, a little sunshine. It's contagious from him.

You get it, there's something that I'll call the global, international, economic, military, industrial, cultural, the universe. And he is basically shat on every institution you can shit.

Right. Shat, shit on, okay? That basically, you get the feeling at some point it's going to swallow him up. You can't, nobody is bigger than the House. And he is coming in and said, and right now he has not been swallowed, but something tells you when you dump on the military, when you dump on Congress, when you dump on the FBI,

when you dump on the media, when you, at some point, because who is he really good for at this point? Exactly. Who is he good for it? You know the Republicans want him out. It's just, it's the only thing that saves him is the base. It's the people. If he didn't have that 35% of people who love him,

more than they love their own congressman. That's what keeps the Republicans in line. That's who you have to get to. And that's very hard when you have state TV, when they only watch Fox News and Rush Limbo and QAnon. Anyway, the whistleblower thing is all the rage now. I don't know if you see this,

but you better keep your shit tight in this country because there are whistleblowers now everywhere. You want to see a few of them that we found that I didn't even realize I didn't even realize there were whistleblowers. There is a whistleblower now coming out. at NASA who revealed that they made up

the planet Pluto when they were stoned. That's... There's a whistleblower at your old shop, the CIA, reporting that their truth serum is really just tequila. There's a whistleblower at the U.S. Forest Service who says Smoky the Bears' insistence on wearing

jeans and no shirt. Has created an uncomfortable workplace environment for the other ranges. It's a whistleblower at Fiji Water reports they can't believe you paid $10 for water. There is a whistleblower at the National Association of Delicitation that reports that when you don't eat your pickle,

they just put it on someone else's plate. It's a whistleblower at Pornhub. It says, that's not really that guy's step sister. It's Katie Hill. And, oh, now I get booed about it? You were cheering it like two minutes ago. And then a second whistleblower came forward at the U.S. Forest Service and reported that Smoky the Bear

is actually a huge asshole who can. keeps everyone on set waiting while he does blow in his trailer. All right. Here's the big-time movie star whose latest comedy in between two ferns. The movie currently is on Netflix. Zach Gallif. Zach is... Zach, at the end with the season of a little.

Zach, how are you? I'm really good. I see. Nice to be back on. Yes, we love to have you here. And I hate to be that guy, that interviewer who, you know, the celebrity comes on. He's like, oh, I saw your movie, and it was so great. so funny, but I saw your movie, and it really

was great and funny. Oh, well, good. Do you hate for being a cliche? I don't believe you, but uh, well, thanks for watching it. Well, thanks for watching, but, but, but I never know what to say of these characters. What are you? What are you? Thanks for watching it. Okay. You're welcome. It was a

chore, but I still loved it. I've just never been this physically peaking before, so I'm a little bit nervous. But, you know, this character you play, this Zach character, yes. Who interviews the people in between two I mean, this is the guy who said to Barack Obama, what's it feel like to be the last black president? Right.

Right. Is an asshole. Yes, he's a jerk. The dirt jerk was in a movie by Steve Martin who played an asshole. So many people, we all love to do it. I was on a series in the 80s called Sarah. There was an ad and TV guy under my picture, The Office Creep. I was the asshole.

It's fun to be the asshole. Well, it's fun. It is fun to make fun of jerks and to make fun of people that are not... By being one. By being one. And I think rudeness is incredibly funny. Not that I agree with it. I'm laughing at it, not with it.

You don't believe that. No, well, I mean, I... You know, I once had a girlfriend who used to bust me on this. It'd be like, I'd do something like that in the character of the asshole. I'd be like, honey, that's my asshole character. You're just being an asshole. I mean, why do we like playing an asshole so much? Because we're certainly not assholes.

I wish I'd given him a different name than rather my own name. I mean, that would probably have been helpful instead of just calling it myself. Because I have had people approach me thinking that I'm kind of like that in real life, but I try not to be that one. So you don't think we really want to be an asshole and we're just covering it with this fig leaf of a character? No, I don't think that is... I'm from the South and, Being polite and nice is like, you know, you have to be that way.

So there's... And it's also... It's also rebelling against polite and it's also in a weird way. So where's the applause for that? Well, yeah. Well, we do live in sensitive times. And as comedians, we are always trotting a minefield. I feel like it's always an argument between people going,

you're not sensitive enough and me saying you're too fragile. Yeah. Where do you come down on that debate? Well, I think social media did that to us. I think as far as... I think what happened is we used to could just watch something, meaning of the TV,

and the TV would tell us things, and we didn't talk much back to the TV, but now we tweet at each other and this and that. And I think as a comic, if you step back from it all, you go, okay, there's a group of people that don't like this. type of humor.

It's tricky. It's tough to But we used to have an answer to those people, which was don't watch me. Right. Turn it off. I mean... I think going back to the social media thing, and I try to say this,

talk about this in every interview I do, because it's a book I read a long time ago, and it's called Amusing Ourselves to Death, and it was written by this guy named Neil Postman. And in this book that he wrote in 1983, I think he made the claim, you will stop hearing the term big brother because we will do it to ourselves.

Yeah. And I think that has kind of happened. We're policing ourselves through social media, and some of it is very justified. But we never paused to really stop and to discuss what that is, social media. It just happened. But it's also generational, don't you think?

Don't you, I mean, are you 50 yet? Right. I'm just... I'm in my mid-20. my mid-20s. Yeah, I just turned 50, yes. Oh, 50. Fantastic.

All right. So, you're old, too. Yes. So, I just feel it's a gender... I feel like the younger generation is much more fragile. I don't understand that. Why? Okay, so if that is the case,

where are the anthropologists? Why can't we study why that's the case? We just want to get angry at each other and label each other, and this and that. There should be anthropology, social science, looking at these problems. I think they did, and I think we know why. It's because their parents spoiled them

and entitled them. Look, as a millennial myself, I can't really talk. I mean, you have kids. Do you like them? I love, yes. Because some people literally don't like their kids. I love my kids, but it is one of those things. They're young.

Kids are so often young. Thank you for. kids of mine, they're young. Thank you for watching. But it's going to be... I was in Venice the other day, and I... Beach or...

Beach, yeah. You're a movie star. You might be. And I heard... I kind of sensed these young ladies talking behind me. I was walking on the sidewalk, and I heard one of them say to the other one, ever since Claire talked me out of having a cell phone, my life has gotten...

much easier. No, that's never going to happen, but it is worth... This onus we put on social media and being connected is false. Do you often eavesdrop on people's conversations? Is that a thing that you do?

I often do, yes. Yes, I was listening back toge. And you live in Canada now? Part of the time, yeah, I live in Canada, yeah. So I could be self-righteous. Is that better? Is it worse? What are the upsides and downsides of Canada versus U.S.? In 10 seconds?

Jesus. Well, I will say that I think Canada has, I think, at least in Canada, there's some faith in their institutions that we have probably lost a little faith in down here. And people are just nicer, aren't they? They're very nice. People are nice. They're very nice. Yes.

Canadians are nice people. They're nice. They take pride in nice. Yeah, but I've been on an apology tour for years up there now, politically. I mean, it's tough to be an American to visit. So you keep bringing up social media. I want to ask the panel about Facebook, okay? Mark Zuckerberg's out there in the news a lot,

and please, you weigh in on this too. Elizabeth Warren called Facebook a disinformation for-profit machine because they said the other week, Facebook said, we don't believe it is appropriate for us to referee political debates and prevent a politician's speech

from reaching its audience. and they were talking about out-and-out lies. This was on Facebook, a video that I guess the Trump people put out. Joe Biden promised Ukraine one billion if they fired the prosecutor investigating his son's company. I mean, it's just, as you were talking about, an out-and-out direct lie. And Facebook is saying, not our place to say, now, we're free speech people. I certainly am. Where are we on this?

I've got to tell you. Commence me somebody. Very strong. I come from the world of advertising, and if I wanted to do an ad for a little bit of advertising, laundry detergent. I had to go through stricter regulation to get an ad on broadcast television than a political ad that decides or fate. You know, I find it ironic about Zuckerberg and the folks there who are trying to do good and they're democratizing everything. It's quite the opposite to tell you the truth. It is quite shame on them. How dare you, when you come up that you're for the people

of the people. You know, I used to, my old agency was in the Facebook, it was in the Google building. And I used to watch all these Googleites I would call, come up all dreams. rest the same with their hoodies and their food. And the irony is Facebook, Facebook is more the man in the gray flannel suit than the companies of the 50s ever wore. They get the sleep there to look the same, to talk the same, and actually be numb to something like this.

So I think you're putts, actually. I mean, that's where I come out on, Mark Zuckerberg. It is interesting looking at how Europe, though, takes on these companies a lot better than we do. I mean, the reason that sometimes you have to sign now and approve the cookies thing is because of legislation in Europe, where I was in Europe watching them, and Zuckerberg didn't show up, if I recall.

There was like an empty chair or something. And you say to yourself, is there a reason that is it connected to our corruption and campaign finance and everything else that we can't be as hard or as exacting on them and just say, listen. But I don't want to live under British libel laws. I don't...

British libel laws, Donald Trump would love that. Because he's always saying... Would you want to control, though, a company, or you want to have the company be able to do whatever it wants in your country? I mean, there's got to be somebody's got to be the superior entity. I'm just saying,

free speech is a different matter over there. True, true. But applying the same laws that apply to TV and radio and making them applicable to social media, that's just progress. That's not going to a British standard. That's just like evolving with the Times. 50% of people

get their news from Facebook. That's what that's, yes. And that's scary. They need some regulation. It's not just going to take money. They'd have to make instead of one trillion next year and half a trillion. When Trump was like, you people in government can't get the New York Times anymore, it's like really, do you really think that's where people are getting their news

anyway, the majority of them. And by the way, the irony of that he doesn't want the people to see the New York Times. It was the New York Times putting Hillary's friggin emails on the front page 10 times and Joe's, James Comey's letter that got her defeated. The New York

Times helped him. Co-conspirators. I will say on the Facebook thing. One guy. I'm on the Homeland Security Committee, so we have these companies come up and talk to us, usually about domestic terrorism and the spread of domestic terrorism and how they're not doing a whole

lot about it, right? Same thing. It's not our problem. We're just a platform. They are literally daring Congress to regulate them. And there are more people in Congress who have never used email than who have a tech background. So you don't want us regulating you, right? The right thing to do for these social media companies

is to say, this is a new era, we need to face responsibility, come up with some rules and guidelines across the spectrum of social media. I know. But if not, they're literally daring I don't understand why the government is not more strident about this. It's actually... How can they keep up...

Yeah, there's practical problems. Is this one of the things where the technology's too fast for legislation? I mean, for many of them. It would be hard. It's certainly harder than when you have three broadcast networks, but it can be done. Well, in a lot of money. Just asking, though, for an... Are you just making an ad person's job more creative when you say, okay, you have to tell the truth.

There's lies, damn lies and statistics. And so they're going to find a way to put the modular pieces together where it's factual, but it's completely misleading at the same time. But out and out, outrageous lies. Just false videos. Who's the truth commission then? Who's going to be the one? Exactly.

And that's the problem. Inside Facebook, it's got to regulate it. They're not, but they're not. They're an international corporation. They have other interests. Have you seen the profile of them on front line? Yeah. They're a bunch of younger people.

It's a company that's worth three quarters of a trillion dollars. You can shit on them. I know, but it's internal. How does that work? How does that regulation? work internally. Basically, you basically any ad... They've already lied to us enough is what I'm saying. Any ad that comes up, goes through... They've already

lied to us enough face it. I'm not saying they're going to do it. It can't be done, though. Absolutely. Okay. All right. So, you're going to be at the convention, I would imagine next year for the Democrats? I don't know. Oh, come on. You're a Congress. Yes. I guess. Yes. I guess. So, I've got to ask about...

It seems like every few months Hillary Clinton bubbles up again. And people are like, oh, she's thinking about running or she says something crazy. You know, she was last Friday, there was a news dump. They exonerated her again about the emails. You know, it's not about that. But the Clintons, they've got to go away. I'm saying this now a year out or less.

They can't be at the convention. Maybe on the video, waving or something. But I'm serious. She is one of the biggest vote getters. Justin Amash, is that how you say that? He said, the thing we know for sure is that Hillary Clinton is a Donald Trump asset. Somebody said she's a Russian asset. She is.

And Bill is damaged goods. I just think they've got to go away. They can't, we can't associate the Democratic Party. I couldn't, by the way, as a branding guy, I could be here. Four years from now, yes. You know, even George W. Bush has a different profile now. When time goes by, even people who we looked at his failures, they're okay. But he's got worse.

But by those. We forgave Clinton, and then we unforgave it. But at my point, at this point, it's too soon. Step away from the convention at this point. If you give them the tool to say, oh, it's still Hillary Clinton's party. Look at that. It's still her party. It's a losing proposition. Okay. I got to go to new rules.

Before I do, I just, we didn't get to this as an issue, but I just want to say this. The United States of America, led by Donald Trump, is now part in party to ethnic cleansing. Donald Trump, here's one of his tweets. Perhaps it is time for the courage to start heading to the oil. region. An American president is encouraging ethnic cleansing. Bush, we went to torture, where America was never associated with. Now we're also on the ethnic cleansing page. Wonderful. Anyway, thank you panel. Time for new rules and a little laughter.

Ethnic cleansing into laughter. That's how I do it. Neurol, a summit of the world's foremost graphic artist must convene to settle once and for all what this emoji is. I said that so many times. Is it a lot? Is it a lot? hands praying? Is it a high five? Or is it two penises watching a sunset? New Ro, someone has to tell, former

Republican Congressman Trey Gowdy, that his transitioning Merrill Streep costume is incredible, but Halloween isn't until Thursday. I love when you blow milk through your nose. New rule... Oh, Jesus.

New Rule, be thankful for the Thanksgiving you have. Consider that this year, this guy will be at someone's Thanksgiving table. And he won't even get the joke when they tell him he's mishandling turkey. New Rule, if you're that friend who keeps texting every update from the impeachment inquiry with the subject line, did you see this? Stop. I already have 24-7 cable news.

I don't need 24-7 you. Let's go back to the friendship we used to have, not talking for months at a time. Then you text, how are you? and I text back, who is it? New Rule, stop scaring parents with reports of neighbors giving out pot candy for Halloween. One easy way to tell

if a house is giving weed candy? It looks like this. Gentle humor, that's what we do. And finally, new rule, someone must explain to Democrats what binary means. In America, we've got dozens of flavors of pretty much everything,

Doritos and Gator Rays. Oreos, Pepsi, Triscuits, Pop-Tarts. But we only have two political parties. Most democracies have a parliamentary system with many parties. We don't. We don't. With us, it's always plain or peanut.

Cream or suppository. That's what we... That is what binary means. Trump gets it. If you really like Donald Trump, that's great. If you don't, you have to vote for me anyway. Whether you love me or hate me, you got to vote for me. The question Democrats must ask themselves is, what would make a voter say,

Trump's right, I don't like him, but I have no choice. Well, let's go down the list. Bernie Sanders says we should let the Boston Marathon bomber vote. Why? Is there a great clamoring to give deranged serial killers more of a voice in civil society? is Hannibal Lecter thinking, I love Trump for his narcissistic personality disorder, but Sanders really gets voters like me.

Now, I'm sure you can make an argument for this, but we're trying to win an election here, and this just feeds into what Trump is selling. Democrats are now the party of crazy politicians. Crazy Democrats. They're crazy. They're crazy. Hey, Democrats, don't make him believable on that, and you win.

Elizabeth Warren has not come out in favor of imprisoned serial killers voting, but she does want taxpayers to cover their sex change operations in prison, which brings up the question, if you tried, could you come up with a policy with more third rail buzzwords in it? Let's see, taxpayer-funded sex change for prisoners. No, I don't think you could. And again, Where are the votes in this?

You know how many transgender people there are in federal prison in America? 473. And they can't vote. So we're taking this position because it makes a great campaign slogan. Commit a crime, get a free dick. Commit a crime and your new vagina is free. So let's imagine a slightly different scenario. You're a progressive voter who likes Elizabeth Warren.

You drive a Prius, hate guns, and buy kale in bulk. But you find out that Warren does not support taxpayer-funded gender reassignment surgery for convicts. So that's it? Deal breaker, you're voting for Trump now? Of course not. This is the binary thing Democrats don't get, because apparently they never saw the movie an officer and a gentleman where a drill sergeant forces Richard Gere to admit the same truth that Democrats,

voters need to face. I got nowhere else to go! Yes. You hear that, Bernie and Elizabeth and Beto and the rest of them? They got nowhere else to go. So you can stop wearing your most divisive issues on your sleeve.

Target sells condoms and lube, but they don't call it the condom and lube store. They hide that shit in the back in a lock case and call themselves Target. Which, frankly, is not much better. Point is, instead of trying to make

the people on the far left, double dog like you, make some good people in the middle not hate you. People talk a lot in this country about identity politics. Here's some identity for you. Only 46% of Democrats identify as

liberals. Yeah, life doesn't end east of Libreia. Better O'Rourke wants to tax churches. So do I. But I'm not running for president. Beto wants to take away the tax-exempt status of any church that opposes gay marriage. A position, I doubt, goes down well among black churchgoers,

and try winning as a Democrat without them. I'm sure Tyler Perry would vote for Beto. I'm not so sure about Medea. I'm not sure why Kamala Harris felt the need to start off a recent town hall by saying my pronouns are she, her, and her. as opposed to Trumps, which are me, myself, and I. Now, for some, I guess that makes her the rows of pronouns, but there's a much larger group thinking, why is this important?

Why in the first debate did Julian Castro feel the need to take a brave stand in favor of trans-female abortion rights? Trans-females can't even get pregnant. They don't have a uterus, unless they're in prison, and Elizabeth Warren buys them one. This should be easy. Just be less crazy than Donald Trump. Are you guys seriously struggling with this?

69% of voters say they dislike Trump personally, and there's no sign anything can change their minds. But Democrats' reaction to that is, okay, but let's try. Let me help you. You don't need to be 100% Twitter approved on every issue. Twitter is not America. Most of America...

Most of America, all they want is to vote for someone who's not weird. Play to them and stop worrying that you're going to lose social justice warriors to Donald Trump. What is it again, Richard Gere? I got nowhere off the cold. All right, that's our show. I'll be with the San Diego Civic. Tomorrow, tomorrow at Madison Square Garden in New York, November 9th, and at the Blaisdell in Honolulu, New Year's Eve.

I want to thank my guest, Dan Carlin, Donnie Deutsch, Alyssa Slotkin, Zach Gellifanak, as been Chris Cuomo. Stay tuned for overtime on YouTube. Thank you. Catch all new episodes of real-time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10. Or watch them anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.