Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #563: Fran Lebowitz, S.E. Cupp, April Ryan

Episode Date: April 24, 2021

Bill’s guests are Fran Lebowitz, S.E. Cupp, and April Ryan. (Originally aired 4/23/21) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night series Real Time with Bill Maugh. Thank you for coming and masking up. Thank you, thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you for being in a good mood. Yes, well, look, we're not going to have a riot. So people are in a good mood. We thought we were, you know, well, the good news in the Derek Chauvin.

they found him guilty. So there was justice for George Floyd. The bad news, if you want something at Foot Locker this weekend, you're going to have to buy it with money. So, America, come on, it's coming back. Biden is going to do the...

They're not calling it, but it is the State of the Union address. He's going to join session of Congress next week. That's pretty good. Low bar there in the Capitol, because the last big speech in that room was from the Q&on Sharm. So, you know, but you can't beat that.

But no, Biden's making moves. He was the, this was Earth Day, right, this week? Celebrate. Celebrate our remaining few years on the planet. But he's trying to do something. He had a virtual summit with 40 leaders around the world, and they were, I must say,

much more impressed with him than the last guy. Trump's first. thought climate change was when the sun went down. That's as far as we got on that issue with him. And also the, now this is not going anywhere, but it's a step. The House voted that Washington, D.C., our nation's capital, should be a state. At least we're bringing this up now.

And Matt Gates, remember Matt Gates? Oh, he's in the news. He was all over this issue. He had a big question. He said, if D.C. was his date, what would happen if a teenage girl had to get from Delaware to Virginia asking for a friend? But you're probably all jazzed up because it's Oscars weekend and America can barely contain its apathy.

I am telling you... No, I always get excited at Oscar. I do. I write down every year my predictions. This year I'm predicting I'm not going to watch. Well, I mean... We did a whole thing on this a couple of weeks. No one heard of these movies.

You've heard of me too? This is me neither. No, me, me, I... I mean, no one is... No one... There's eight nominees for Best Picture. No one has seen them. One is just a picture in your Netflix clue of a campfire.

Might not have worked anyway, but I certainly didn't give it a chance. But this is the thing I don't really understand about this year's Oscar ceremony. It's coming to you from Union Station here in Los Angeles. Really? Because nothing says glamour. Like, come to a train station, a chair on a movie about date rape. That is the night of my life. But a train station?

How is that going to work? And the Oscar for Best Picture goes to, now boarding the 845 to Fresno is on track 13. But how about this for news? Caitlin Jenner is running for governor. Let me finish my whole monologue on this and maybe you want to take that one back. No, I know you think of her as a reality show star,

but come on, people change. She is trans-rested and ready. I mean, she's got a great slogan, take the sack out of Sacramento. Because, you know, this is only happening because our governor, there's a recall, which is stupid, but we're probably going to do it because in California we do stupid things like that.

But Caitlin Jenner is a very, died-in-the-world, lifelong Republican. I love that about her. You know, wasn't always sure about the whole man-woman thing, but low-capital gains taxes born that way. And a lot of people, of course, they're saying, isn't it strange for a trans woman to be in a party that is passing anti-trans laws all over the country?

And Caitlin said, yeah, I get that. It's just something about being in a party that doesn't respect me that makes me feel like I'm home with the Kardashians. All right, I've got a great show for you. We got SD Cup and April Ryan. And first up, she is the subject of the seven-part Netflix series. It was fantastic. Pretended to City.

And in April 2022, she'll be performing at the Broad Stage here in Santa Monica. Fran Leibowitz is with us. So great to see you. Great to see anyone. Anyone. Been too long. How was your pandemic? There were certain things.

I liked it about it. I know you're not allowed to say that. I thought maybe you would because you like staying home reading all day. Yeah, but not all night. So that was good. I mean, many things that I always wished for, you know, I got in a certain way. Like I wanted the, you know, tourists out of time square. But then when I saw it at the height of the pandemic when I was walking around, I thought, yes, but not this way. Right. Like, you know, wasn't there some way they could leave without, you know, half million people dying? I didn't mean that. I don't mean die. I mean, just don't come. You know, I always wonder... Well, that we'll be back because New York will be back. I know... Oh, there's no... Yeah, right. I mean, there's no question.

You know, it's not surprising to me, but they're trying... You know, there are people in New York, not me. The people who own stuff, like, you know, theaters and buildings, and... How can we make it like it was as if it was perfect? You know, like, how about there were things wrong with it before? You know? Whenever there's a disaster, no one can think past a disaster, you know? Well, that...

That's not true, because a lot of people are not going to an office. Certainly not like five days a week. Well, luckily, I never did that, did you? Yes, yes, I came, and I miss it. But I could, I will compromise with the staff who wants to stay home interminably. They never want to see this building again. I like a writer's meeting with writers in it. In the same fucking room.

I do. I like to see the fear on their faces. the show is always fun. It's just interesting. So how was the flight? I'm very curious if you are as bothered by the inconsistencies as I am in how we handled this.

You know, like the fact that planes were always okay, but I couldn't do a concert. Really, a plane is safer than an outdoor venue to do a concert or even an indoor venue. How about dining? you know, you put the mask on when you walk in, but when you're sitting,

the virus would never think of jumping in you when you're... Please, he's with people, he's eating. Does this bother you? Well, I mean, there... There seems to be a lack of understanding of what air is. I mean, in other words, in New York,

they put... What air is, yeah. Yeah, in other places, I'm sure, they put these plastic dividers between tables. I know. And I said to the... I saw it, I said to the waiter, and, you know, it's not a pleasant feeling, you know. You feel like, you know, I didn't kill anyone.

Do I have to be behind this plastic? Right, you feel like Ikeman at the... Yeah, it's like, so, you know, what is this for? Well, this is to keep the air from going from table to table. I said, really? Can I smoke? Right. He said, no, of course you can't smoke. I said, if this worked, I can smoke.

I said, because it would stop the smoke right here. Air doesn't do that. Air goes up, it goes down. I mean, I'm not a meteorologist, but I know air doesn't just go this way. I remember the same thing with planes. I took you to that Met game. You did. And to smoke, you had to walk, like, around the entire stadium.

No, I had to walk. And first of all, that's the only time I've been to, I know it's not called Shea Stadium anymore, whatever it's called now. City Field. Yes. That's the only time I've been there. I haven't been back. The distance to go to smoke. No one has been back, by the way.

I'm sorry? No one has been. back. Really, was that the last baseball games? No, but we had no fans last year. Almost drove me

into bankruptcy. Anyway, go on with this story. I went, but I was not a fan. So, uh, to walk to the place you had to smoke.

Yeah, right. I felt I was getting more exercise than the baseball player. Well, I felt that when I finally got there and lit up, I should have gotten like a run

or whatever you call it a baby. Right. So, yes, I do. I remember vividly. Okay, so I must tell you, your show on Netflix was so fucking fantastic. Well, thank you. So hysterically funny. And you, you and Marty together. I mean, but, you know, I say we're Martin together. You're the show. I did three nights with you, as you recall. That's right. In Silicon Valley. Silicon Valley. We did. You are the fastest gun in the West.

Even the comedians would give that to you. Really. Whoever is on stage with you is going to be the straight man. And I'm pretty fucking funny. And you're pretty strict. Right. Not true of all the men I've been on stage with. And I see now, can I make a prediction for this decade? You just turned 70?

I did. Okay. Your 70s, you're going to be the hottest ticket on campus. Well, truthfully, I already have like a billion dates for 2020. I know. I'm saying. It's about time. Thank you.

You deserve it. You're the funniest one out there. And the kids are catching on. No, it's going to be great. You know, you always are complaining about being impec unias. You will not be able to lean on that anymore. You're going to be flush. And, of course, because this is the year that if you make a lot of money,

they're going to take it all the taxes. When I saw that, I've always been advocating for this. And then I thought, not this year. No, please don't do it this year. But, I mean, I kept thinking of you when you were a cabby. I mean, you were in the 70s, was it? I wasn't in my 70s. No, but in the...

That's a sad thing. I was like 21. Were you like one of only two women? Well, I was supposedly, but I never saw the other one. So I thought the other one might have been a myth. And truthfully, I wasn't really a woman. I was a girl. I was a kid.

Right. You know, I don't mean I wasn't a woman the way that, you know, Bruce, no, whatever he's called. Caitlin Jenner. I'm already probably not. enough trouble on that one. Right. I was a girl. I was a kid. And I kept hearing there was a woman cab driver, but I never saw her. So, you know, I mean, I looked for her because the men cab drivers wouldn't talk to me. But you still have,

right. And it must have been a rough gig, but you have a love, a deep love of cabies because you bought a cab, right? Did you not have a checker? I bought a checker. Okay, that's an odd thing for someone to do, especially who is penniless. Yeah. I wasn't penniless when I bought it. It's one of my first. first book came out. So, after I bought it, I was kind of less. I bought it because the checker company made also a passenger car called a marathon.

That's what this is. It's the shape of a cab. I bought it because I wanted to buy like an old Bentley, and I couldn't afford it. So everyone said, this kind of looks like an old Bentley, which it kind of does. You know, it's round. They never changed the design, the body design. Who told you this? That is ridiculous.

I like the way it looks. It looked kind of really like a comic book car. You expect like a family of ducks. That's what it does look like. You expect a family of ducks to get out of it. Anyway, I still have the car. You do? I do.

Oh. Do you ever take Uber? Well, if someone else takes it because I don't have a phone, you need a phone to take Uber. That's right. So if someone else says I'm calling an Uber, I say, Do you know, I mean, I take it very rarely, but the last time I took one, I saw it said,

the thing come up, you know, they have like a screen. And it said... I take your word for it. And it said, you know, do you want conversation with the driver? I had to pick that before. It's like, could we just wing it? I'm just wondering what you think about that generation's fragility. that they can't like even get into a car

without knowing what's coming. You know, there's trigger warnings outside of Broadway shows now. There should be. No, there are. Really? You really want to see this? Didn't you ever see this like 40 years ago when it first opened?

Anyway. What do you think you would have been like if you had texting when you were a teenager? as teenagers do today, because you're so literate. Couldn't you have, like, wouldn't it have been good for you? You know, truthfully, the idea that I would ever want to sit there and write all day long for free is out of the question.

Well, that's... No, that's tweeting. But texting is writing. Yeah, but it's to a person. Wouldn't it have changed your love life? Or writing is to a person, though. Or to some people, you know. I feel like it would have been good for me,

because I was very shy. but, you know, I was Syrinot. I could have been, you know, I could say the right thing. But I had the big nose, so I didn't want to... No. All right. So... But very straight.

Let me ask you this about the last question about the pandemic. Did it make you think of... Yes. What was that going to say? It doesn't matter. Okay. I was going to say, did it make you ponder like the big questions. Because your home, it did with

me, I don't know other people. Did what? Make me think about things like... Did what? I didn't hear the beginning. The pandemic. Oh. Like being, like, like, have you seen recently that they say UFOs, the first time the government is talking about how, yes, there are these

things that our pilots have seen. These are not crazy people. These are people in the military. They've seen these things. We can't explain them. I can. It's the Delta flight that was supposed to leave three days ago. No, it's not. That's what it is. No, it isn't. No, they are, they think it's pretty real.

I mean, now, some of them say, well, it could be another country. Another country that is stuff that is, as they say, the military is behaving in ways we can't explain, you know, violating laws of physics we can't explain. What other countries got that? You know, truthfully, I'm sure I behave in ways in military could not explain. In looking for profound. explanations, I wouldn't necessarily go to the military. All right.

All right, Miss Marty Pantz. What about something like the Big Bang theory? Not the show. The actual theory. Can you explain it? No. Let me... But you know what it is. Here's what I could... What is the Big Bang Theory? Well, I only know it vaguely because

here's the thing. You? Come on. The ultimate reader, you don't know what the Big Bang Theory? I only have half a brain. Okay? That other half, that math, half, you know, I do not have. So, you know, I have... I have... had, I would say, a dozen actual physicists. Explain to me what physics is, I still don't know. So I don't have opinions about the Big Bang Theory because I don't really understand.

I'm going to tell you basically what it is, and then you tell me your opinion. This is the Big Bang Theory, that the entire universe at one time fit into something the size of like a marble. Like, picture the Earth condensed just to be in a marble. And then, okay, not just the Earth, but the Sun and all of our planets. and not just that, but the entire galaxy, which is 100 billion stars, and then there's like 2 trillion galaxies, well, now it's getting crowded in there.

And then that exploded. And in its present condition? Well, that happened 14 billion. Were they still doing construction next to my hotel? No, no, no. That happened 14 billion years ago. Then the shit cooled and, you know, planets formed, you know. I mean, come on, you know.

You're asking me if I agree with this? I'm saying that is, I'm saying like... That a single thing you said could I follow. Well, the whole universe fitness, I mean little, and then it exploded, and then shit happened for a lot of years. And yes, that's what all the smartest people in the world think. Now, to me, I agree with them because I realize they're smarter than me. But it does sound stupider than virgin birth.

On the surface. I'm not saying it's counterintuitive. I don't think... It's more picturesque. It's over that way. Okay. I don't understand either one of them. All right.

So you're going to be the biggest star of the next decade, the roaring 20s. Right? You agree? I don't know. You're going to be the biggest star on campus. All right. Friendlyowitz, everybody.

Thank you. Thank you. My prediction. Let's meet our panel. Hey. Hey. Hi. Oh, my gosh.

How are you doing? People. I know. Women people. She's the nationally syndicated columnist and CNN commentator. S.E. Cup is back with us. Thanks. And she's the D.C. Piro Chief and White House Correspondent for theGrio.com.

And author of At Mama's Knee, Mothers and Race in Black and White. April Ryan is back with us. How you doing? I'm doing good. How are you doing? It's good to be out. The first time, for you, I flew in a year. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.

For you. I know. But we didn't pay for the ticket. Come on. Yeah. All right. And you did want to get out of the house. Come on. You don't go anywhere they paid for the ticket.

Come on. All right. Come on. But no, for you. For you. Only for you. Okay. So, listen, let's talk about this. Let's change the happy mood and talk about this.

Hard rate turn. Horrible. trial. But, you know, people have been talking about this verdict as if it's the beginning of oppression. I just want to say, the left loves its narratives. It's actually part of a trend that's been going on

since 2014. In Chicago, the cop who killed Laquan McDonald went to prison, six years, nine months. Twenty-fifteen, Charleston, the guy who killed Walter Scott, got 20 years in prison. 2017,

the cop who shot into a car filled with black teenagers got 15 years, April, Amber Geiger in Dallas, 2018, 10 years in prison. This is something that has been changing. This is another brick in that wall

that we're building. It's too slow. This is, it's very slow. You know, you're talking about a trend since 2014. Let's go way back then. Let's go back 402 years to slavery. From patrolling. Okay? Yes.

Yes. Then you go to Jim Crow. Then you go to Civil Rights. Then you go to today. This is not even a victory. This is a small movement towards what should be. It's not right that black people have to have the talk to their children. Me as a mother of black girls. It's not just about our black men anymore. I have to talk to my children about when you're out in the road.

Okay, so let me... But no, no, no. But there are different rules. And you have to understand that this is a scenario that when black people, a lot of black people are at the wheel and out in the street, they fear police coming to them. And they are fearful of what street corner justice? You're tried and convicted and killed on the spot versus a white person who gets a chance to go to court.

Well, no one's arguing with that. You're saying things are different than they were five years ago. I think it's an important point. It's important to point that out. It is. just don't think there's much solace. Yeah. In that, especially with this

There's some relief. No, no, no, no. Let's know. This is important. No, no, no. To this, another point about this. This verdict was so obvious. We all saw what happened with our own eyes. Right, and it didn't used to happen when it was obvious. That's my point. Is that it was always obvious and they didn't used to do this. But the fear bill is that we're not always going to have

the evidence that we had with the Schoven case. We're not always going to have prosecutors who did his good job. Even with the evidence, even with the cameras, the police video, they're still going to do it. Look at what Chauvin did. It doesn't matter if a body cam is on, they're going to do it. But when we talk about accountability, let's go back to my hometown

of Baltimore. Freddie Gray. Freddie Gray. Freddie Gray died in police custody. He should have never been in police custody. The accountability is not there. Who was the mayor? A black woman. Who was the head of the police? Who was the DA? It was an entire

I'm just saying it obviously is something beyond race then that's going on. That suggests to me it's more about policing. Everybody in the upper echelon in the Freddie case was black. True. You couldn't replace them. But the system is the same.

Well, that's the point. The problem is police have, what is it, qualified immunity. They get the burden of the doubt, the benefit of the doubt before the average citizen. Well, not so much anymore, as I was pointing out. I pray that's the case. Okay. So what about this? now only like 30 minutes after this verdict came in. A young woman,

Maciah Bryant, was killed in Columbus. The police fired, the cop fired four shots. And this has been one of my issues for a very long time. Why do we always have to empty the whole clip? Now, maybe they have an answer, but I've been asking that for a very long time. Why did you have to use a clip? One shot could not possibly... But, okay, but here's an interesting case.

She was stabbing another person. She had a big knife. This is a black girl who was about to stab another black girl. Black Lives Matter, which one? Because a lot of people are saying the cop did the wrong thing. I'm saying which... He could have tased her. He could have shot her in the leg.

He could have de-escalated in a different way. He did not even have to use a bullet. He could have done something differently. It should not be that if there is a police officer coming to your home, someone dies. There are ways they are trained to de-escalate. And there are some people who don't use the taser. They are not trained.

They are not, that's the problem. That's what we're trained. Well, in Baltimore, they're changing. They're changing it. I think, look, if you're looking at, look, no one should die during a traffic stop. No one should die for passing a counterfeit $20 bill.

No one should die for selling loose cigarettes. However, a lot of the cops and analysts that I've, been listening to over the past couple of days have said what the cop did in that situation to save another girl from being stabbed was the right thing to do. I don't know if that's the case.

No one wants any kid to die at the hands of cops. But I think the problem is they're not trained to de-escalate. So the problem is systemic in policing as well. Yeah, I've never been a cop. I don't know what could actually be done when someone's got the knife

up here. I'm not going to pass... I don't know if that taser maybe it does. So did you see those videos? I know they should be better marksmen. They don't spend enough time on the range. That's for sure.

I remember the Sarniav kid in Boston. The whole Boston police department fired their entire clips into the boat and couldn't kill the motherfucker. He was hiding in that boat. It was like 10 feet away. I do. I mean, they've got to spend more time on the range.

would be my number one to me, and then maybe just one shot would have done it. They'll tell you they're not trained to aim for the leg. It's too small a target. They are trained to aim for the chest. They're trained to go. And that could be a problem, but they'll be very... I'm going to go back to my premise.

There is a difference in policing with one group versus the other. Yes. Did you watch... No one's denying that. I know, but I need to make this point. As a black woman in America, I have to make this point.

Did you see the videos this week on social media where there was a young, white man, had his gun open and told the police, I got a gun, I'm going to shoot you, the police officer, I see a gun. He got away. You can also find a zillion videos of cops killing white people.

They do that too. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. It's a very sensitive and hard issue that this nation is dealing with. Well, then let's talk about something fun like climate change. Because Biden is making big moves. He said,

the climate summit yesterday that we are going to reduce, or this is our attempt, greenhouse gas emissions by 50% by the end of the decade. That seems reasonable. Difficult but reasonable. We have to set the bar high, I think.

People like Lindsay Graham, this is him a few days ago. I've come to conclude that climate change is real. Well, welcome to 1990, Lindsay. Pull up a beanbag. chair. He says, goes on to talk about the oceans and, okay, he says, so count me

in on the idea that the science is real. Okay, great. But, so we have people like that. But I feel like Republicans still dithering. I know you agree climate change is real, but you also say how we handle it is still debatable. Isn't what Biden is doing not debatable? Isn't that what we just should be doing? what's the debate? I'm not sure how long we can keep debating about what we should be doing. Yeah. Well, I think, and I mean, I first here was first here 11 years ago,

and I think you and I have been talking about climate change, and in those 11 years, I've evolved a lot in my position, not because you've yelled at me for 10 years, right? Not, because change doesn't happen at the barrel of a gun. I've evolved in my position because the science is indisputable, and I've watched the science. science and I've even evolved in the ways to solve it. And I agree with you. But I think the problem is when you try to make change at the barrel of a gun and tell people who have questions that they're stupid and tell people that they can't have questions

and you can't have a debate in science, right? Which is supposed to be about asking questions and getting to the truth. I just don't think that gets a lot of converts to a cause I know is really important to you. But the science is settled on this one. Yes, I agree with you about science in general, but not in. But not that's right. Well, you know what? Texas. Texas is out, his trumped science.

Forgive the pun. What does that mean? Texas, what happened in Dallas? What happened this last winter? You mean losing electricity? The power grid. Yeah, the power grid. And they had temperatures below their...

Come on now. The polar bears can't find places to live anymore. And let's talk about Katrina. Let's talk about what happened in New Orleans in the Gulf Coast. I mean, at some point, it's not just about, oh, at the barrel of the gun. if you watch severity of storms in Washington. But that's how it should be. You watch the science happen, and that's...

But you watch it. But you watch it. But if you want people involved on that issue... But if you take too long to keep watching, it's too late. Yes. So now we're at the point... I know when... Believe me, I've covered a lot of issues.

You want change fast. You want it immediately. I get that. I've wanted change on gay rights before people were ready for it. I understand that. But long-term meaningful change doesn't happen by berate.

people and telling them you've got to believe when, if you don't, you're stupid. Well, okay. I don't remember saying stupid, but yes, I mean... I'm sure you have. Oh, okay now. I'll concede that point. I know you. Because people who don't believe in this

are stupid. Okay. And here's one who is stupid. This guy, there's this guy, Steve Coonan. He's got a new book out. Now look, he had a serious job. He was the Undersecretary of Science in the Department of Energy under Obama.

So he's got credentials, he's a professor, he's not a moron. He also did use to work for British Petroleum. Okay. Always a red flag with me, because the only people who don't yet get on the board but the science on this are the people who work for oil companies. But he's got a book out that I think is just going to be, I hope no one reads it.

Please don't. It's called unsettled. But it's not fucking unsettled. And here's his stupid points. Maybe it won't be so bad. We don't know. Yes, we don't know. Right.

Nothing is for sure. Obviously, dumb point. There's lots of carbon already in the atmosphere. Yes, of course. That's part of the problem, dummy. We might invent something that would sequester carbon. Yes, we might get ice cream in the mail tomorrow. It won't work unless all the countries sign on.

Okay, let me attack this one most specifically. I've been hearing this forever. It won't. Yes, it won't. But the way to do that, apparently, is not just to wait till everybody signs the same paper. The way to do it is just to do it. Start doing things, to lead.

France, France banned all two-hour flights within the country, two hours and less. In other words, take the train. Okay? Let's just start somewhere. You don't have to fly if it's less than two hours. Stuff like that. And Amsterdam has done it.

Germany has done it. You just have to do it and make everybody else. look like the pariah, and they will. But what do you do with China that is dealing with coal? They love themselves some cold. Yeah, so do we. Yeah. Well, but we're cutting back. Right.

Well, I mean... We're looking for more cleaner ways to... I don't know. I mean, this is an argument I would have made, right? I mean, this is an argument a lot of people on the other side of this issue have made, and what's the alternative? Well, I guess we can't do anything then. I don't think that's the answer. You know what China was trying to buy a lot of

our cold, maybe we just say no more. Yes. That's really, that's... You know, maybe we just say no more. No week couldn't do that. I don't know. All right. So, just to button this up, Earth Overshoot Day, I never heard of this, but I did this year. This is

the day when humanity has used all the biological resources the Earth can renew during that year. We hit ours in 2020 on August 22nd. We are currently using 60% more than what the planet can renew. Now for some comedy.

So it was 420. Did you celebrate 420? At what time? What time? No, it was. No, the holiday 14th. I know, but what specific time of the day? You gave me the day.

What time? Was it like 805? No, no, it's all day. It's the day we celebrate. You know what 420. And it's always... You know, it's the pot holiday. But that's the thing.

You know, it's always been called the pot holiday. It's always about marijuana. I just want to say to the people to celebrate this as I do. It's about so much more than just pot. It really is. It's about getting fucked up on all kinds of drugs.

That's true. And mushrooms are having a moment. They really are. Right now, mushrooms, they are legalized in Oregon. That's pretty. great. And a study just came out. Could you show this headline? Turns out, in studies against the pharmaceutical antidepressant bullshit, the mushrooms do better. So they're already starting to make commercials to sell them. We've found the first one. Would you like to see it? All right.

Are you not feeling you? Do you suffer from a general malaise brought on by being connected to reality? Does smoking weed just make you feel normal now? Maybe it's time to try Trippator. Tripitore comes from mushrooms, like the kind you pick off pizza, only better, because these mushrooms contain psilocybin. When taken on an empty stomach in a dark room, Tripitore goes right to work on the uptighty and the part of the brain that makes you wear clothes and hold a job. Mushrooms go right to the source of your depression by helping you realize that we're all the same organism, man. When the fire hydrant turns into a frog,

that means it's working. Don't ask your doctor if mushrooms are right for you. Just try them. Side effects may include becoming a wizard in a black light poster, petting a dog the wrong way, thinking your poetry rocks, tolerance of jambands, being able to smell the color red, corduroyed

pants running into traffic to escape a fire witch, insisting people call you the QAnon Chaman and a bad trick where Stephen Segal is doing it with your own lady and all you can do is watch because you're a tree. If you stare at your hand for more than four hours, call your doctor. Depression is a serious medical condition. Do not take mushrooms if you were a member of the doors.

Do not talk to the coyote. Do not operate heavy equipment as it has heavy right in the name. Do not look at the coyote. Do not take mushrooms when meeting your significant other's parents. Don't do anything with the coyote, okay? Silocybin, try it once and never stop talking about it. Have you ever done mushrooms? I eat them.

I mean, the ones that you cook. I mean, the fun one. No. No. You never would? No. I'm a serious journalist. That's right.

I knew there was a difference between us. They were a serious journalist. And I'm me. Exactly. All right. Me is going to be... I have not been able to promote a show. I'm going to get preclamped here.

In over a year. But I'm going to be playing in Florida. in June. On the road again. I can't wait again. On the road again. Sarasota and Clearwater. I think it's at 19th. the 20th. I'm going to read it at the end of the show. Anyway, things are opening up, and I just feel like, you know,

we've all had a rough five years. Trump plus COVID was such a one-two punch, right? I mean... Punching the dick. Right. A punch in the what? Punching the dick. She said it. She's not a serious journalist like you. That's right.

how to do this. I thought where I was. Mm, all right, Essie. So, you know... I temporarily forgot where I was. No, you're in exactly... This is on. Is this on? You're exactly in the right place.

Right. So, you know, we all deserve a breather, which we got after the election and so forth, and now things are getting better. We need to have some fun for a while. But I just... I just want people to understand that we have not moved one inch

in solving the fundamental problem that we had six months ago, which is that the people of the United States hate each other and will not work with each other. This is the essential problem. There is some new polling. Well, first of all, 78% of Republicans

say Biden did not legitimately win the election. That's just from April 10th. 78% of... And that's ridiculous. Well, of course it's ridiculous. Forty-five percent think the attacks at the Capitol went too far but had a point.

51% say the party's leaders did not go far enough to support Trump contention that he won the election. Back in December, there was a survey I read, the biggest threat to America's way of life. The results from Americans. 8% think foreign. Biggest threat to our way of life.

17% natural disasters, viruses. Obviously, that was on their minds. 20% think economic forces. 54% biggest. Biggest threat to America's way of life. Other people in America. Other. Other. Other. Code word.

Code. I don't know, you know. I'm saying, take a breather, enjoy yourself, but the right wing has not self-deported. They are not close to being interested in rebranding. And as far as January 6th and the attack on the Capitol, the lesson they took from that was, we must never let that happen again and by happen I mean democracy.

Yeah, exactly. And it's... If your biggest idea, your biggest problem is that there's too much democracy and so too much voting, we've got to crack down on that. Too much speech and protesting. We've got to crack down on that. Too much access to information. Let's crack down on that. I mean, what a punch in the gut.

And for a party, the Republican Party, that makes pornography of patriotism, and practically philates the founding fathers it is jarring and disorienting to watch them attack America this way. We know where my mind is tonight.

Flete the founding fathers. I think I lost all my F's. I think I lost all my F's. I think I lost all my Flaidt the founding fathers. I can't do that. That's exactly what they do. But you know, but this is the party of Donald John. gone are the days of Reagan, gone are the days of H.W.

Gone are the days of W. Oh, yeah. This is Donald John Trump's party. Yeah. What does it look? He's gone, but he's not gone. Right. The Trumpism mentality is there.

We saw it January 6th. The only reason why there are people trying to, I guess, say that, oh, it happened because of this is because they got caught. It's because they found out it was wrong. But I'm going to say this. And I'm trying not to be a prognosticator of doom. I'm not going down the sex road that you've gone. But I'm trying not to be a prognosticator of doom.

But I'm going to tell you something. 2022, watch what happens at the polls. Trumpism still is here. No, he's still here. I keep saying this. It's like the shark that went back out to sea, but we need a bigger boat. Because we did not kill the shark.

It just went back out to sea. No, it's going to come. Back. Republicans are still being rewarded for doubling down on Trumpism. And he's still going to run again. Oh, yeah. If he's not in jail.

He's not going to be in jail. We'll see. I'm going to tell you something. Those lawsuits about January 6th, you know, if you have a proud boy calling Benny Thompson, Congressman Benny Thompson, who started a lawsuit, he wants to talk to him. You know, you did what you did.

Why do you want to talk now? The lawsuit, you cannot talk to him. There is a problem. They're falling on an old civil rights law, and they may have some teeth. More people are joining in. Do you realize, and I cannot express this anymore, do you realize the executive branch of government

waged war on the legislative branch of government? Of course. They not only waged war, they were looking to kill people. The vice president, they erected a noose with a gallows because President Trump said he didn't like him. Yes. Yes.

This is serious. But the problem is, I haven't met many who are ashamed of it. That's the problem. I have not met many who are, you know, embarrassed by it. And that's what I'm always trying to focus on the future here. Not just the past, that's the past. Right, but what's going to happen next?

That's my point of it. The fire in the belly is still there. What's going to happen next? Okay, well, let me just tell you. Why don't you tell me the movie you want to see? Okay. Come on, tell us, Bill. Well, it was 2020 last year.

We had a census. Okay, so they're counting. So that means reduce. redistricting. Republicans will drive the redistricting process in 20 states, Democrats in just 11, because they got the legislatures. They have federal judges. You know, this is the kind of stuff that goes on behind the scenes that people don't notice that's going on right now that actually changes your life in the future. They could get the house just in newly created districts. Jerry May. They will be, yes. New York, Illinois, and California are expected to lose congressional

seats. I mean, that's just population moving out. I know why they leave here. Texas is expected to gain three, and Florida is expected to gain two. So that's the reality. And put that in combination with this idea of how much they just did not

accept the loss. I mean, does anybody ever say to these people, you're just fucking sore losers? You know, elections, elections, it's always pretty much a 50, 50, Proposition you win some you lose some But no you'd rather hypnotize yourself Into believing you won this one

To the point where now for protests You mentioned protests They have these We're gonna run you over laws We are in where is it Iowa? Yes Iowa and Oklahoma And Florida already had it Of course Florida always ahead of the nation

They have immunity If you are people are protesting in the street Immunity for running your car You'd rather run people over that admit you lost an election. Tell that to Heather Hire. Exactly. Who died in Charlottesville from that car.

He would have had a great case. He used that car as his death mobile. He ran not, he not only killed her, but he injured other people. Yeah, of course. And you're going to give someone immunity? You know, and let me say this. I hate to say this, but Republicans love to use the quotes of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. but before he died, before he became a martyr,

he was a marcher. And they don't remember that. He marched, like Heather Heyer and all these other people did. He marched. And they want to use cars to intimidate. It's an intimidation. I mean, not only that, Republicans have 81 new anti-protest laws around the country. Again, stuff that's already illegal.

Violence is already illegal, right? Looting is already illegal stuff. Stuff that's already on the books, they want to make it like super-executive. or, you know, more punishable misdemeanors become felonies. But this is what it looks like when you're out of ideas. This is what it looks like when you'd rather rape democracy than come up with your own ideas. And they're done. They're done with ideas. They've given up on ideas.

But this is not... That's your party, is it not? This is not anti-wide. So what is your solution to your party being out of ideas? Well, I mean, I'm voting with my wallet. I'm voting with my mouth. I'm voting with my feet. I voted for Joe Biden, and I'm not supporting this party. You know what, I saw... I'm calling out this party in any way.

No one's listening. George Greby of Bush I saw was in the news this week. He's got a book he's selling. And he said he wrote in Condoleezza Rice, which is such a cowardly thing, I feel like. Just don't vote. Okay, I get it. But writing it, there's only two choices.

That's America. You get two choices. One's better than the other. It wasn't even hard this year. It wasn't even hard. But he's got a... approval rating now. Wow, it was 33% when he left, and it's 61%. It went among Democrats. He went up from 11% to 54% approval. What's going on there? You know what? People are starting to... Is that just

because Trump, we saw what the worst could be? Well, yes, juxtapose Trump to W. But, you know, people are starting to see more of him, hear more of him, hear his heart. They see him coming together with the other living presidents who happened to be Democratic. Right. And he's working with him. And I'm going to be honest with you, and this might seem trite, but the way he falls into the arms of Michelle Obama, that shows you kind of a humanity thing.

But I think, yeah, I mean, I don't think anyone's got increased affection for W's policies. In fact, a lot of them look worse today. But I think there's a lot of renewed affection for him personally. And I think that is Trump's lasting legacy. He was not trying to enrich himself like Trump was. I think he truly believed in what he was.

He was just raised in that mindset. He was crazy. He went painting. He just started painting for his mind. But I'm not going to give up on the idea. He was a shit president. No, no, I'm saying that he was too hard on him. No, I mean, I realize.

No, I see it. Recession. We had a recession. Yes. Horrible resett. The worst ever. We had war. We had financial costs.

We had death toll. No. People were war. He was a shitty president. But I hear from Democrats. I was a little too hard. All the time. time, man, we did Romney dirty.

That was a good man who, we called a monster. I hear you it all the time, because I think after Trump, everyone looks better. Romney flip-flops a lot. Romney won't. All right. Next to Trump, I'll take it. Thank you. I got to go to New Rules. Okay.

Okay, new rules. Someone needs to tell women's magazine editors to stop inventing lists of sexy places to touch your boyfriend. Trust me, it's not a list. and it's been popular for about 300,000 years. New the inventor of shittance, the toilet paper shaped like a mitten, has to tell us what happened that gave him the idea.

I have so many questions, so yes, I do want to meet you, but no, I don't want to shake your hand. Neuro, from this day forward, this look will be known as a resting bitch face. No rule, now that arch conservatives, Jim Caviesel, and Lynn Wood are sounding the alarm about adrenochrome, which is the belief

that liberals literally drink the blood of terrified children for a psychoactive effect. I have one thing to say to you. Don't knock it until you tried it. It's really good, man. The only downside is sometimes after you drink the kid's blood, it takes forever to kick in.

So you get impatient and drink more children's blood. And then, oh, this is going to be a night. New Rule, Matt Gates' spokesman, Harlan Hill, has to prove he's not underage. Who is this guy? He looks like the accountant for the Lollipop Guild. But as Matt Gates' spokesman, Harlan has two questions. Doesn't it behoove us to reinstate due process to its rightful constitutional standing? And do you guys want to ride bikes?

And finally, new rule, three months into his presidency, it's time to admit that Joe Biden has been a huge disappointment. To comedians. All the jokes we were stockpiling about ancient dottering sleepy Joe. Useless. The man has been nothing short of

sharp, focused, and completely on top of things. We were expecting a font of comedy gold about a senile geyser showing up to work in his pajama bottoms and plowing his motorcade into a farmer's market. Forget the dog.

He was going to bite someone on the south lawn. But a funny thing happened on the way to the old age home. Biden slayed the orange dragon and is now spearheading the most transformative administration since FDR, with an approval rating of 59%. Even the Joe Biden ticks and gaffes that used to bug us, the hair smelling and the getting lost in a sentence and the challenging of random people to a fight in the parking lot. Gone. Gone. Gone. Biden's statement. up his game. Yes, he got better at 78.

What a mind-blowing concept that must be to the younger generations for whom writing someone off simply for their age is the last acceptable prejudice. Oh, yes, they hate every ism except ageism. It's completely forbidden to tell any joke about race, gender, religion, wait, but age, have at it. You ever go down the greeting card aisle at CBS? every card for anyone over 60 is the same joke. Happy birthday, I'm surprised your dick hasn't fallen off. Now, the excuse for this prejudice has always been,

well, we're a young country. I've been hearing that my whole life. America's a young country. Well, tonight, I'd just like to say this, America. You're not that young anymore. Pouted wigs was a long time ago. It's time you grew up. It's time to stop doing stupid teenage.

immature things, and number one on that list is not getting the most fundamental trade-off in life. You're beautiful when you're young, wise when you're old. This is the only country in the world dumb enough not to get this most basic, intuitive, obvious, file it under the concept. That if, as they say, you learn something new every day, it stands to reason someone who's logged 10,000 more days is going to be in general a little wiser. Life is a series of patterns. You don't see it at first, because it's not a pattern yet.

But by the third time, yeah, okay, I get it now. Yes, societies need youthful energy and fresh eyes on problems, and it's true. It takes young people to start a revolution. But Biden is the right man for this moment, precisely because he is old. Been there, done that. It's a virtue. He's getting things done on wealth inequality in Afghanistan and racial justice and climate change that keyboard warriors only dream about while muttering, okay, boomer.

Young, dumb, and full of calm. Yes. There is a season for that. But right now, I'll take old stooped and full of soup. And yet, instead of finding Biden's age and asset, In America, it was his biggest obstacle in the run-up to the last election. 37% of Americans were unabashed about telling pollsters they flat out wouldn't vote for someone over 70. Is there any more piss ignorant than not using old people as a resource?

Not taking advantage of their accumulated knowledge. Everywhere else in the world, elders are sought for guidance. In America, elders are sought for TikTok pranks. In Greece, old man. is a compliment, not something you scream after, get out of my way. In India, young people touch old people's feet to show reverence. Japan has a national holiday called Keral Nohi, Respect for the Aged Day.

You know the reason why advertisers in this country love the 18 to 34 demographic? Because it's the most gullible. Yeah. A third of people under 35 say they're in favor of abolishing the police, not defunding. But doing away with a police force altogether, which is less of a policy position and more of a leg tattoo. 36% of millennials think it might be a good idea to try communism.

But much of the world did try it. I know millennials think that doesn't count because they weren't alive when it happened. But it did happen. And there are people around who remember it. Pining for communism, it's like pining for Betamax or Myspace. So when you say, you're old. you don't get it. Get what? Abolish the police and the border patrol and capitalism and cancel Lincoln? No, I get it. The problem isn't that I don't get what you're saying or that I'm old. The problem is that your ideas are stupid.

If you say, let's eat in the bathroom and shit in the kitchen, yeah, that's a new idea. But I wouldn't call it interior design. You think someone 80 is hopeless because they can't use an iPhone? Maybe the one who's hopeless is the one who can't stop using it. You think I'm out of it because I'm not on Twitch? Well, maybe I get Twitch, but I just think people watching other people play video games is a waste of fucking time. 20% of Gen Z agree with the statement,

society would be better off if all property was owned by the public and managed by the government. And another 29% say they don't know if that's a good idea. Here's who does know. Anyone who wasn't born yesterday. All right, that's our show. We'll be back next week. I'll be at the Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater. There it is, June 19th,

and at the Van Wazel Performing Arts Hall in Sarasota, June 20th. I want to thank April Ryan, Fran Leeuowitz, and SD Cup. Thank you, folks. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.