Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #600: Rod Stewart, Ian Bremmer, Jane Harman

Episode Date: May 14, 2022

Bill’s guests are Rod Stewart, Ian Bremmer, and Jane Harman   (Originally aired 5/13/22) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series, Real Time with Bill Maugh. I appreciate that. Thank you. Okay. Thank you very much. Oh, that's just. What a welcome. Thank you for all that love.

I appreciate it. I appreciate you putting on a brave face because out here in California, we know this is a bad week. It's the start of fire season. No, not a good... We're applauding fire season? All week their stories were about down in Laguna.

They said, you know, fire to destroying multi-million dollar homes. Or as we call them in California, homes. And... I hate fire season. I mean, the air quality, air quality is already bad.

On the bright side, it helps Amber heard with her fake cry. But no, this is a... People, this is a crisis we have. We're running out of water. Water parks are asking kids to pee in the pool. And it's really... This water thing, it's so tragic,

because FEMA says we would have been okay. But during COVID, we used up all the water scrubbing the mail. And now we're out of it. in this country? Baby formula. Perfect. Just just when the Supreme Court comes up with a formula for more babies. Oh, yes. Oh, yes, ladies. You're in America now. Not only do we make you carry the baby to term, now we're going to make you breastfeed

the little thing, okay? And everybody wants to know, why are we out of the, you know, baby formula? Well, a few issues. Supply. fly chain issues, which are real. Contamination that happened in a couple of places. That's real. And, of course, Nick Cannon. So that's right.

But, you know, I mean, inflation, is that not what is on everybody's mind? That's, like, the subject of the day everywhere. Prices are up 11%. That's a really big jump. We haven't had that in decades and decades. I'll say this for Donald Trump. When he was president, America felt cheap. You know?

But... Gas... Gasoline? Whoa, that has people. Very upset. I was valeting my... I was valeting my car the other day. And the valet guy said,

pull it up a little. I said, I can't afford it. But I... You know what we always have money for is Ukraine. Now, we all support Ukraine. Of course. I know. But, boy, there are down $40 billion more going there,

which will bring in the total... that we've given them so forth to over 50 billion. The defense budget of Russia is only 61 billion. Can we pay them to leave? Is that completely out of the question? And, but listen to this. In the 40 billion, almost $1 billion, $900 million, goes to buying, I guess, or paying translators,

for the Ukrainian refugees we're going to bring here. So if your kid is in a city school that's underfunded in America, here's what you do. Send them to Moldova, wait for Russia to invade, then bring them back. And finally,

before we start the big show, I said, remind you, this is Friday the 13th. You like that, too? They like fire, they like Friday the 13th. This is just a hop-up crap. No, it's a lot.

You don't want to think bad luck. Be careful of a bad luck. You just step on a crack. If a mirror breaks, you know? Oh, and this year, if you break a condom, 18 years bad luck. All right. We've got a great show.

We have Ian Gremer and Jane Harmon, the first up. He is a two-time rock and roll Hall of favor and one of the best-selling music artists of all time. He returns to his residency at Caesar's Pallets tonight and then kicks off his North American summer tour in June. I can't believe he came here. Rod Stewart is all.

That was the best monologue, mate. Best monologue. It was so far. Wasn't that the best monologue? I'd tell you. All right. Well. I see you haven't sold out.

We're here to talk. That's for COVID. Oh, okay. That's it. We're here to talk about you. This is a big night for you. You're starting your big world tour for 2022, and you're in Caesar's Pallel. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Because you've got a... to fly out of here. You're on stage tonight. Tonight, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, they put it back. Usually I go on stage at 7.30.

They'd put it back to 8.30. But I still have to do sound check. Check all the girls' costumes. And, you know, let's be honest. The show really doesn't start until you get there. Well, it doesn't, but I don't want to be late.

I don't like to keep my customers waiting. I have to... Well... I mean, rock stars are known for keeping audience's wedding. What is your history of that over the years? Were you pretty prompt with your concerts? Yeah, always. First of all, it's people who've paid a lot of money.

They've got babysitters, hired cars and bicycles, and they get there on time. You don't want to keep them waiting. You want to get out there before you're supposed to go on to keep them up. That's great, because that's not what most rock stars do. Well, that's their business. It's not me. I just said great. And how long is the show that you do?

Tonight will be per hour and a half, but we're only allowed to do an hour and a half at Caesar's Palace because they get you off the stage. Right, because they want... They want everyone to go back into the old, you know... Spend the money. Exactly. But on the road, it's a little more if you're not at a gambling casino?

Oh, yeah, we play two hours, 15. That's amazing. What was it when you started? Because, like, you know what the Beatles did when they were at touring? 15 minutes? 25. Yeah, that's what we used to do, yeah. Yeah. That's nuts. No, it's his nuts.

And here you are all these years later. I mean, I have your latest album. I'm so glad you went back to making an album a new material. Yeah, fantastic. I've heard of these albums. You sound the same. Oh. You haven't lost anything. Do I look the same? Well, your hair is.

You know, you know, you know, I know how you do that? You know what, the Queen of England and I have got in common, we both had the same haircuts for 60 years. I remember when I first came out here in 1983, I'd never been here, and I never saw a palm tree. And I went, oh, it looks like Rod Stewart's head. It does. Yeah, it does, yeah.

I'm eternally grateful it's still up there. No, unbelievable. Don't you laugh. And your show is called The Hits at the Earth Resort, which is fantastic. I mean, that's what people want to see. Oh, of course, yes. And very few people in music have 90 minutes or two hours of just the hits. You do.

I mean, I've seen you in concert, and there's no good time to go to the bathroom. No, absolutely. You should put that on the sign. Rod Stewart, you'll never want to go to the bathroom. Too. Totally. You know, I always say my idols, you know, Sam Cook, you know, is ready and muddy waters, all the really great black singers.

If I went to see them, I wouldn't hear their hits. I don't hear any new stuff, really. That's why I'm trying to give my crowd. And, you know, you over the years have been a sort of equal opportunity recorder of your own material or other people. You did a lot of covers. But I've gone through the stuff, and like all the big ones, You know, Maggie May, and you wear it well, and hot legs, and do you think I'm sexy, and tonight's the night.

And, you know, those were your songs. I feel like you as a songwriter needs a better publicist. I don't think, right? Yeah, I don't think. The greatest publishers are the people are by the records. Yes. They're the ones, mate. They make a big hit singles.

I don't think that people think of you as a songwriter as much as you are. No, I think it's what I look like, you know, look. Well, I... What else could I have been for a rock star? I know. I brought you something. Is it? That I've been hanging around my house for 51 years.

Oh, my God. That's my... And it smells old TV. It's Maggie Mae. I bought that when I was 15. No. Well, yeah, how do you think I got it? He was 15 when he bought this.

Right. I was 26. I know, but how does it feel? Do you feel anything when you see an artifact like that that is about something that was so important in your life? Yeah, when it went to number one in the UK and America, I remember I was driving through London, and it came on the radio. It was number one.

I turned my car around and went back to my number one. mom and dad's little house and gave them the biggest kiss and they were all crying. It was made it at last. And that song, I mean, this bitterness that you had about Maggie Meg, you know, I don't want to see your face anymore. And, you know, the morning sun really makes you look old. I mean, it's some nasty fucking stuff in there. It is.

It is. Really nasty about that. It is. It really isn't. It's nearly a true story. It was in my first shab. Lasted about four seconds You're nasty stain on the floor

But considering all the women you've had since then Are you over the bitterness to Meg? I feel like you got your revenge on her with Yeah, you're absolutely You know what Because I read your book Your autobiography I mean

Oh my God women. I came just reading this book. I mean, I remember in my life thinking, oh yeah, I always sort of knew who your girlfriend was. Like, I could mark chapters in my life. Oh, yeah. I remember when he was Brett Eklund. My supermodels. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I've been very lucky because I don't, I don't really think I'm that attractive, but must have something about me. Maybe it's the old nose. Are you kidding? At one time, you were dating two supermodels named Kelly. That's a lot of Kelly's at one time.

Let me tell you, Bill, looking back, it was nothing to be proud of, you know, really seriously. Stomping! I mean, there's a part where you talk about going to... I remember the Dome was the rest... When was the hot restaurant in the 80s, right? And you said they kind of had a bathroom just private for the beautiful people. And you're talking about having sex between courses? No, that's what you're exaggerating now.

No, that's what you wrote? No, I don't know. Between courses? No, I never did that. I'd have to check the book. No, I don't think I ever did that. I'm sort of embarrassed about what I did and I saw a proud. It was a different era.

Okay. You know, it was a totally different era. But you do love being a rock star. Yeah, I do. Really right. I do. And I remember... And I met...

Also, when you broke, you said, you never thought... thought about it, except you went to see this new band, the Rolling Stones. Before they were like, what we know is the Rolling Stones, you said they were sitting on stools wearing cardigans. Yeah. And you saw Mick Jagger, and you went, I can do that. Yeah, exactly, yeah. There's only 12 people in the audience.

My girlfriend was friends with Mitch's girlfriend, Chris Simpson at the time. She said, come and see my boyfriend. Or my boyfriend sings. Come and see him in the band. Totally unknown as 12 people in the audience. And then, soosh, they went off. They're still great. New English really seemed to have a work ethic.

Like the people of... You don't look at it like, oh, I'm a big star. You look at it like, this is my craft. I mean, when I look at your discography, I mean, almost every year you put out an album. Those first five years that we knew, you were also in a band while you were a single artist. The Faces was a great band.

Well, it's a love affair that surely hasn't gone away yet. I love, I can't wait to get on the stage to know. Well, I'm very, really nervous tonight. I'll bet. Well. We've changed all the running order, and it's a big laugh when it's over. But I truly love what I do, and I feel blessed. Well, you're playing with the house money.

I think they're going to love you. No. And, you know, I know. I know your big hobby is trains, right? It's the model railroads. You know who else? What other great singer had that tommy? Liu Yan.

Frank Sinatra. Frank, yeah. And like you, a great ladies' man. A lot of his life in the tabloids, but he also always put in the work. Yeah. Like you do. I mean, it's all there.

Thank you. We thank you for that. Have a great residency there and a great tour. Thanks, right. Great to see you, my friend. Right, sir. That's fine. Oh, that's fine.

You have your own. All right. Let's be our panel. He is the founder and president of Eurasia Group and author of The New Book, The Power of Crisis, How Three Threats and Our Response Will Change the World. Ian Bremmer. She served nine turns as the California Congresswoman

and was a ranking member of the House Intelligence Coon. She is the author of Insanity Defense. Why our failure to confront hard national security problems makes us less safe. Jane Harmon. Thanks, Jane. All right, so, last week I started this show by saying

nobody likes to talk about abortion, and then we did. So let's do it again. I don't really want to, but, I mean, it's just whatever, we're just on everybody's mind. It's, I would say it's a big issue. It's so big that it makes me think, it makes you think about the Civil War, you know, pre-Civil War, because we seem to be going toward this place in America

where we're going to be two countries, one where you're a free woman, and one where it's a Dred Scott situation, you know. I mean, when you look at some of the things that are being proposed in some of these states, I mean, Louisiana says flat out it's a homicide. So when you drive from L.A. to Nevada, on one side of the border, you're just a free person, the other side you're a criminal. You can fly across the country and gain and lose your reproductive rights 20 times.

How can America sustain that? It can't. And it's wrong. And what's wrong with this is that it will get worse unless the Supreme Court, let's pray, let's pray, comes out with a different decision from the draft opinion, one that is more to the center. I think it could happen. I think they're institutionalists on the court, and this will absolutely politicize the court for years to come. I think that already happened.

Well, I don't. I actually don't. I think the court has been politicized? Yes, but the hearing process politicized is choosing judges. and when they get on the court, they have firm views, but they can change. For example, I'll just stop with this. Harry Blackman, who wrote Roe v. Wade was a Republican appointee of Richard Nixon. And I don't think anyone expected him to write that opinion, and he did.

And it was, for the time, radical and important for women. So that's the Democratic Plan Hope. I accept that that's what happened when Roe versus Wade was written. But that was a time when jurisprud. Prudence actually held sway among the Supreme Court justices. We don't appoint Supreme Court justice that way anymore. It is all Dems or all Republicans. The process has become subverted.

We know that. And if you read the draft opinion, I know you did, that Alito had leaked, I mean, it reads like a culture war document by an analyst. It doesn't read like it was written by a jurist. I mean, it refers to Plessy and Ferguson and makes it sound like. people that support abortion rights are racist and you get genesis. It's extraordinary. It's extraordinary, which is why I am hoping it won't survive the process.

But here's what's going on. Here's what's actually happening in states. I mean, let's just take Missouri. Now, of course, a lot of these states, it's going to be a race to the bottom to see who can get the harshest treatment, or give out the harshest treatment. in Missouri, it would restrict you even if you were a non-resident and you had sex in Missouri. You have to prove to the state of Missouri you didn't fuck there. It is the show-me-state. Also, you couldn't get telemedicine.

I mean, a lot of times women get the morning after pill. You just have to call up with a consultation with the doctor over the phone. you would have to use a phone from another state. Next on the agenda, raining in big government. And a lot of the Waffle House states are going to have laws like this or worse. I just wonder that this issue gives a tangible sort of concrete pretext to the people who are already talking about some kind of division of this country, some kind of civil war, some kind of secession, some kind of, we can't live together. So this gives a real issue to it.

I wonder where this is going. I think there are real issues that are dividing our country, are totally dysfunctional Congress, is one of them. But I would say in this case, 75% of Americans support the right to choose. And I don't think. Well, under some conditions. Right. Roe v. Wade was not under all.

But Roe v. Wade was not under all. Roe v. Wade was not abortion on demand. It was abortion until, if a woman chooses that, until the fetus is viable outside the womb, which was about the third trimester. Let me just say, Bill, I just want to say one more thing. I got elected on this issue. I did.

What year? What year are? In 1992. Okay. Let me just tell you the story for one second. In 1992, open seat, Mel Levine had retired, and there were seven Republicans and five Democrats in a lean Republican district. One of the Republicans was Maureen Reagan, the daughter of Ronald Reagan, who was still pretty vital and was helping her. She lost the primary.

She was pro-choice. And the woman who won the primary was anti-choice. And all of a sudden, all the Republican, pro-choice women who supported her came and asked me if they could be Republicans for whole. Harmon. Thank you, Republican women. That's why I love it. But that's... You're kind of making my point. That's just not where we are now. In fact, the Democrats aren't there either. The phrase in that era, Clinton era, his phrase, safe, legal, and rare. And I think that's when Democrats were aligned with most Americans. I think that's what most

Americans want. Safe, legal, and rare. That's not where the Democrats are now. They don't say that anymore. their own caucus on this in the House this week said we don't want to call a choice anymore because something something racism decision now

they're even talking about using pro-abortion no one should be pro abortion the Senate had the ability to get Joe Manchin to get a number of Republican senators if they had just put out legislation

that said are you in favor of maintaining Roe versus weight. And they didn't do that. And they didn't do it because the progressives wanted to be able to drive more of a spike on this issue. So much of what we're seeing right now is unprecedented compared to the days of 1992. You didn't have opinions leaked.

You didn't have people, masses, demonstrated outside of the houses of Supreme Court. Okay, so what do you think about that? Should there be allowed? because certainly the press spokesman at the White House is down with this. Jen Sacky said, asked about this. These are people who are demonstrating outside the houses of the Supreme Court justices. She said, I don't have an official U.S. government position on where people protest.

But we do. It's wrong. It's intimidation. It's against the law. I mean, do we have some footage of, I mean, look, it's not terribly violent. obviously, but would you want this outside your house? No, there's a 1950 law that says you can't protest outside of residence to influence a judge. There probably is a constitutional challenge that could win against that, or that possibly is.

But it would be much better, as is now going to happen, in Washington, to have a major rally. I might even be there, to protest what could happen at this Supreme Court. going to do? No, let's just wait a month and see what the final decision is. Bill, what it might do is it might lose the Republicans, the Senate, and the midterms, right? I mean, that's what it really comes down to do. Because the Republicans have not wanted, in swing states, they don't want to run on this issue. They haven't had accountability.

They haven't had responsibility. They've had settled law of the land, and they can complain about it. That's generally where you want to be in a midterm election. So this is a challenge for the Senate. For the House, it's a wave for the Republicans either way. But this is dangerous for them. And I agree with you, Ian, that a clean bill is a better idea, and it may still happen. And if it does happen, just maybe they can get 60 votes to reflect the views of 75% of the country.

That would be a good deal. So what do you think about Iran Musk saying that he's going to restore Trump back to Twitter? Well, given that he said this morning, that he's thinking, rethinking about whether or not he really wants to buy Twitter. Snoop Dogg is out now saying he might have to buy it, so he's going to buy it. You think he's going to buy it? I don't know if he's going to buy it.

He just muses out loud a lot more. Yeah, about buying it. Right? About buying it. Well, about everything. He's got 100 million followers. He doesn't need to pay $42 billion. Well, I think he wants something a little bigger. He's looking for something about free speech,

which is sort of important to liberals at one point in this country? It should still be important to liberals in this country. Well, it doesn't look like it sometimes. It doesn't seem important to anybody in this country, except this audience and the three of us. Well, I've read an awful lot of shit written about Elon Musk that one column called him a not too bright billionaire. Oh, really, column writer? You mean the guy you figured out Tesla and how to put a fucking?

and rock it on the moon and send him back. He's the not too bright guy. I really want to see him spending more time changing our planet. And that's what he's been doing. It's extraordinary. I take the under, if he buys Twitter, on whether he'll be able to

restore civil society on that site in the U.S. He says he's for the 80% that aren't on the extremes. But if you watch his behavior on Twitter, his broman ship on Twitter, his shit poster in chief on Twitter, He doesn't actually act that way.

And. Like what? Like, what are we talking about? Well, I mean, when he posts, for example, his anti-wokism on all of the, he picks selectively all of the flags and issues that are on one side of the extreme, but doesn't pick any on the right side of the extreme. He just has a different perspective of who are the people that antagonize it. Possibly it's because Twitter is very left-wing to begin with.

He's talking to, he's talking, it's the same thing I do here. It's like some people say, oh, you know, You never used to make fun of the left so much. They didn't used to be so fucking nuts. I go where the comedy is. I go where the material is. And also, the audience is mostly liberal. I want to say the things that they don't hear because they're in a bubble.

We're all in bubbles now. And it's much better to get out of our bubbles and fix it up. But on Elon Musk, he's brilliant. And he took his PayPal money and built the best in show rocket company and car company. and all that. But watch out. If he be careful what he wishes for. If he heads Twitter and all of a sudden

all kinds of crazy stuff, you know, tear down the government and anti- white supremacists and other stuff comes back there, his shareholders are going to sell their stock in his companies. And so I don't understand

what he gets out of this. He's already got a huge audience. But that is what free speech is. It's defending the speech we hate. I mean, you must... I agree with that, Bill. You just said if he's allowed... No, but... No, inciting people to riot. Well, inciting... It's already against the law, inciting people

to riot. No one's even suggesting that. He's not suggesting that. Well, that I think is why Trump got removed from Twitter. But the first thing he tweeted when he bought this, he said, you know, now I'm going to buy Coca-Cola and put the Coke back in. And I thought...

When I read that, I thought, Okay, daddy's home. Because, like, this is exactly what Twitter was at the beginning, what it should be, irreverent, funny. I'm sure there are people like, oh, cocaine's not funny, an addiction, all this. And it's like, if you don't think that's funny or that belongs on Twitter, you have always been the problem with Twitter. You are a square, you are a hater, you're too much full of anxiety. You don't know what fun is. This, if Twitter goes back to that, it would be a lot alone.

But let's understand what the problem is. The fundamental problem is advertising drives the business model, and advertising is driven by your addiction on these social platforms, which requires more extremism. It requires more outrage. It makes us more anxious. I don't think he's going to be able, if he buys it, I don't think he will be able to have a sustainable business model

that isn't advertisement-driven that doesn't have all the bots on it. And I'm willing to make you a bet. I don't have any inside probation that he's not going to buy it. So there'll be some advertising. on it. Is advertising? He says he's going to make the algorithm that drives things to you more transparent. Good luck with that. Good luck with that. All right. So, if I may change the subject. We're coming up on Pride Month. June is Pride Month all over the country, all over the world, I guess. And it used to be there was one flag for Pride Month. It was this, the

pride flag and I noticed recently talking about mission creep look at this story there's 96 flags now for all the and some of these you know one thing it's one thing to have a sexual orientation and then there's just things you like like here's some of these are real these are real sapiosexual this is attracted to intelligent people you mean just like anyone who isn't a fucking moron Okay, yes. Rubber pride. This is a real flag for people who are into rubber and latex.

That's good. Wow. What are the odds of the three-fifths of the audience is into rubber and latex? Really? Okay. That's the Rod Stewart effect, I do. A queer platonic. These are ambiguously romantic or non-romantic relations.

I think we used to call that marriage. But anyway, and then, look for romantics. Romantic attraction without desire for reciprocate. Whatever that word is. Reciprocation. I think they should spend more time on grammar and less on gender,

but I don't even know what that means. I don't think those people should get a flag. I swear to God, I think we should throw them out of the U.S. Anyway, but we feel at real time here that this is not enough. We, this is, I'm sorry, we feel like being very exclusionary to some other groups who should be represented. Would you like to see their flags, we have some of their flags? For example, why isn't there a flag for quasi-homomotosexuals?

Women who are turned down by gay huntsbats should get a flower. Cani-sexuals, couples that only experience are roused. the dog is watching. Should get a flag. Retro-sexuals. These are cisgender women who always end up fucking the DJ at a wedding. We've never got a flag. Leterosexuals, gay or straight people who will only do it with a partner who has hidden an actual salami.

I mentioned saposexual, the real one where you're attracted to, you know, intelligence is also. Dufusexual, attracted to a total man. Brownbacker, cisgender men who intend to overcooked their balls in Tucker Carl's chesticle chain. And Harry's sexuals, men like Harry Styles, who seem to be attracted to women but act very gay. Also known as British. So, yeah. All right.

So we finished our discussion of Elon Musk. What about the related issue of the disinformation governance board? Now, people are calling this the Ministry of Truth. This came out a couple of weeks ago, the Department of Homeland Security, which, by the way, itself, was always a creepy name. We just got used to it. Right? Department of Homeland Security.

Okay. Now they got an even creepier one. Disinformation governance board, yes, they're right to compare this to Orwell and the Ministry of Truth. That's exactly what it sounds like. Now, when they first explained it, they mentioned two things that they were going to go after. Russian disinformation. I said, okay, I'm all right with that. The Russia, that's not us, and they are our adversary and they're trying to hurt us. And then traffickers. Okay, I get that. You know, people coming across the border, you can tell them misinformation. That's bad.

But then, here's from the Department of Homeland Security. Disinformation is defined as false information that is deliberately spread with the intention to deceive or mislead. Well, you could have said that about, if you like, your defense. doctor, you can keep your doctor, you know, if you didn't like that. It said also, here's a phrase, can take many forms. Okay, now we're going faster down the slippery slope, including but not limited to the two I mentioned. Okay, so government should not be involved in deciding what's true or not true, as I think what a lot of people are saying. And my follow-up question would be, Who do you think the Truths are is going to be in 2025?

Look, I like Voice of America. It had a role, right? At a time when countries around the world... Voice of America. But that was broadcast overseas. Broadcast overseas, exactly. And people that needed good information turned to the Americans just to understand what the hell was going on.

But this is a very different story. This is Americans becoming politicized in governments as to what information is and isn't true. And, of course, it will change constantly on the basis of being performative. We don't want that. That's not our country. Well, full disclosure, I'm on the Homeland Security Bad Name Advisory Committee.

I was in Congress when the agency was set up, and it has performed well. I don't get this piece. I wasn't consulted. It was leaked before it was rolled out, and if it were confined to a few missions that you mentioned, Bill, I think it'd be fine. And maybe that's what they will intend. But I certainly agree that something very broad. scale that could become something like Hugh Act, the old Richard Nixon thing, would be

highly unfortunate, and I don't think that's where it's going. And to bring it back to Twitter, the czar, Nina Jenkowitz, says she'd like some committee there within this governing board with the power to, quote, edit Twitter and add context. Oh, you mean like what Twitter is? That's what Twitter is. Somebody says something and then you add context. These are not bright people in our government. Okay.

So speaking of Mission Creep, you're two experts on foreign affairs. Let me ask you about Ukraine. I mentioned it in the monologue. It's interesting because this seems to be one of the few issues now that has bipartisan support. And I mentioned we're now going to send $40 billion, I think. Maybe Rand Paul is a holdout here, but that probably, no? No, it'll go through. It'll go through.

Okay, so then we are coming up to almost giving Ukraine the amount of money that Russia spends on their entire defense budget, which I assume is to defend all 13 time zones and not just... Used to be. What? Well, increasingly, all of their troops have focused on Ukraine. Right, but I'm sure they still have to worry about things that are not just Ukraine. Oh, no, they've got new problems. Yes, okay.

So I guess what I'm asking is, is there any limit? what is the Biden doctrine? Most presidents have a doctrine. You know, Bush had don't fuck with Texas. Or whatever it was. Is there a Biden doctrine? And if so, what is it? The Biden doctrine is to ensure that the Ukrainian government continues to exist,

that it's able to actually vote for it. But that's not a doctrine. That's a policy about one country. Oh, I thought you meant about Ukraine specifically. No, a Biden doctrine, a doctrine, you know, the Monroe Doctrine, you can't come into North America. That was our doctrine. You know, you can't mess with, usually our doctrines are about you can't mess with us. I mean, he's certainly, I would say the most important thing in foreign policy has been to show that the United States is committed to its allies around the world,

committed to the multilateral institutions that existed for a long time, and that have eroded dramatically of the course of the last several decades. So I wrote a book about this, this book called Insanity. defense. Thank you for the soft. There's this setup. And my point is that since the end of the Cold War, we have not had a strategy for U.S. global leadership.

And we still don't have one. That's four and a half presidents in. What Biden has is a policy on Ukraine. And Ian is right. We have reconnected and we should have to our partners and allies around the world, mostly in Europe. And it's a good thing that NATO is stronger. And it's a good thing

that NATO is stronger. And it's It's a good thing that the EU is stronger. However, if you look at the vote in the United Nations in the General Assembly about whether to condemn Russia, 140 countries voted with us, 35 abstained and five voted against us. The 35 represent more than half the population of the world. Therefore, I don't think we yet have a doctrine for U.S. global leadership, and I think we urgently need one, regardless of how Ukraine comes out, and let's pray that Ukraine holds Russia back. Can I just go back to the money for a second?

Yeah, because last week the end of myself was all about the COVID money and like how much it was just stolen and how we just write checks for incredible amounts that we never even conceived of, even 10 years ago. And I don't know, I don't trust anyone. I don't know. I mentioned the $900 million for translators for Ukrainian refugees who I guess will be coming here.

That seems like an awful lot of money for that. And would we even have known about that if I didn't put it in the monologue? You know, it just seems like... The first, mission creep always happens. The request from the Biden administration was $33 billion. And Republicans said, no, it's not enough. We need $3.5 billion more for the military. And the Democrats said, well, no, you've got to give an equal amount for humanitarian aid.

So you've got to throw $3.5 billion more in. So it goes to $40. That's literally $7 billion. That's not nothing. No. But that's stupid. So it should be 33. It shouldn't be 40.

That's Congress acting or something. How do I know? It used to be a liberal thing to be suspicious of defense contractors. I mean, I can tell you what 33 is. They always had their snouts in the trough and they just want more money. I can tell you what 33 actually is. Really? Really?

Really? Actually is you look at the amount of spend in the first three months of the military campaign in Ukraine against Russia. And it is how can they keep going at that level for six months? more months. And by the way, if peace breaks out, we're not going to continue. You don't know that. You don't know how many javelin missiles would they cost. And they know how many they have to replace to Eastern Europe. That is actually what they're trying to do. But do you know what they really cost? Do you know what it really should be? If we weren't being grafted,

we don't know any of that. I don't, I don't agree with that. I just don't. I think our defense budget is probably too high. I represented a defense district. I'm just saying. You always got a history on everything. Well, I do. I know. It's great. It's for a long time. That's true. And I'm happy to be home, folks. But anyway, my point is that we still protect legacy programs to fight the last war. What we should be doing is figuring out current and future threats, a lot of them from technology, a big point in Ian's book,

and funding that. And a current threat is Russia's invasion of Ukraine, because if it doesn't stop there, it's going to Europe, and our freedom agenda is dead. And you're for freedom. If you want to talk about money and what the Americans spend, Literally, we have had for how many administrations begging the Germans, the Europeans, to pay their fair share

for NATO defense, and they wouldn't do it, begging them to take responsibility internationally, they wouldn't do it. And finally, not because of Biden, not because of Trump, not because of Obama, but because of Putin, the Germans and the rest are saying, my God, we have to spend on defense. And they're the ones with the economic sanctions,

we're spending, we're getting more money because we're going to produce more, oil and gas, and we're going to send it to them, and they're going to pay for it, market price. And they're the ones that had the trade with Russia. They're the ones that are taking on their chin. Finally, the Europeans are starting to pay. And people like you and me and James should be applauding that. That's a good thing.

I'm applauding it. I'm applauding you. Thank you very much. But it's time to go to new rules, everybody. New rules. New rule, now that the family dollar chain is being sued for having a warehouse invested with over a thousand rats. Their defense has to be, we're family dollar.

You want baby formula that hasn't been gnawed on by rodents? Go to Target. You want the absolute lowest prices on slightly nibbled goods. Come see us. And remember, if we find out it kills the rats, we don't sell it. That's the family dollar play. New rule, men need a sidelined reporter for when they say the wrong thing in bed.

Aaron, it looks like Tammy's headed into the bathroom early. It was the injury from Ted's remark. Well, Troy, trainers tell me Tammy was deeply wounded when Ted asked, who's my dirty slut? And it looks like she will not be returning for the second half. New Rule movie fans must admit that one of the dumbest tropes in science fiction is there's always some unelected, old powerful tribunal that meets in secret and issues decrees to control the people.

Wait, did I say dumbest? I meant tragically accurate. New Rule, before ordering the litter-made 9,000 automatic self-cleaning litter box, be aware you might just be training the cat to shit in your printer. New Rule, Hunter Biden has to explain why he made the password to get into one of his laptops, Anil Fuck 69. Yes, yes, he really did that. My question is, why that particular password,

and not something a little less easy for the people trying to? to break in to guess. I can't get into this laptop. Whose is it? Hunter Biden. Try Aidal Fuck 69. And finally, new rule, if you haven't seen all the crime happening lately on your TV, it's probably because someone stole it.

As we head into the midterm election season, one issue that has risen to the top of voter concerns is a general feeling these days that the social order is breaking down, that there are no more safe spaces anywhere. street crime, home invasions, carjacking, porch pirates, medical staff attacked at hospitals, incivility at sports arenas. And I think the Grubhub driver is eating my french fries. On airplanes now, the in-flight entertainment is a fistfight.

This year, the L.A. City Council voted that every homeless tent had to be removed from dozens of locations, yet every freeway overpass still looks like history's saddest Coachella. The homeless are both preyed upon, and frankly, a concern that they will do, God knows what. You go out for a run in your neighborhood, and you have to wonder whether that guy eyeing you on the corner is going to be this guy or this guy. We have a new thing in L.A. called follow-home robberies, where gang members stake out nice restaurants and then follow home the people who leave inexpensive cars and force their way into their houses. It's why Paris Hilton now drives a 2009 PT Cruiser and eats a buy-off. A day doesn't go by where you can't find video of the latest smash-and-grab robbery where thieves in broad daylight just smash the front windows of Ritzie stores

and take all the jewelry they can carry. They went to Jared. And when did they legalize shoplifting? They used to be shamed in shoplifting. or at least some skill. Now criminals just brazenly walk out of Walgreens, again, in broad daylight, with a trash bag full of Isle 3,

while the security guard just watches. They have to keep even the most mundane products all caged up. CVS isn't a store, it's a zoo for teeth whitening strips. San Francisco in the last few years has seen 11 Walgreens, and six CVS stores just give up and close because that town seems simply beyond law, which is heartbreaking, because I, like so many people, love that city,

and I don't think it's corny to admit, yes, I left my heart in San Francisco. Also, my wallet and iPhone. Bay Area citizens have been complaining in recent years about all the human feces in the streets, but now the streets are full of something else. They call it San Francisco snow. It's glass, piles,

and piles of shattered glass everywhere from car windows being smashed. It's so routine to have this happen to any park car that people purposely leave the windows down and the glove compartment open so thieves can see there's nothing of value, or they leave a note on the car politely assuring the thief that there's nothing worth stealing, and please don't break the windows.

Dear Mr. Criminal, I hope this note finds you well. Please don't break my windows. Thanks. You're the best. There's a Walgreens around the corner if you want to hit that. And what is so disturbing here is not just that there's more crime and mayhem. It's the audacity of it all. Like there's no lines anymore that can't be crossed. Like don't walk on a stage during a live show. Or don't fuck with Mike Tyson.

Lines. Cable, lines. I mean, who needs the Metaverse when you can't. can do whatever you want in real life. The police still need reform, yes, but we can't just allow them to be hunted and targeted for assassination, as has happened over 100 times in 2021. I know there are big issues behind crime, like income inequality and racism that need to be addressed, but let's not get so wrapped up in becoming great again or building back better that we forget not to become El Salvador. Democrats like to point out that crime has actually been worse before.

Yes, true. And who gives a fuck? I'm not living before. I'm living now. In 2020, America experienced its largest annual increase in homicides ever. Assaults are up. Mass shootings are up. Voters focus is safe streets.

Not making women swimming safe for men. Democrats can tell voters it's not something. bad or that they're stupid and racist and we don't want their votes anyway, but this guy does. This American carnage stops right here and stops right now. Yeah, I'll keep the shit to shoe level. That is a powerful campaign theme when there's that feeling that things are descending into every man for himself lawlessness. New York was like that in the son of Sam's 70s.

only back then we had taxi driver now we now we have Uber driver he doesn't kill pimps but his podcast is called Are you talking to me? All right thank you very much I'll be at the state theater in Minneapolis

June 4th of the New Jersey Performing Arts in Newark June July 8th at the Wang Center in Boston July 9th I want to thank Ian Brammer Jane Harmon and Sir Rod Stewart Go to YouTube and join us on overtime Thank you folks of real time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10

or watch them anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.