Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #642: David Mamet, Dave Rubin, James Carville

Episode Date: December 2, 2023

Bill’s guests are David Mamet, Dave Rubin, James Carville (Originally aired 12/01/23) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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depob Minimimimum of 10 $10. Veye to pay to fashion responsible. The conditions so applicable. Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series Real Time with Bill Maher. Thank you.

That's okay. Thank you. I appreciate that. It was quite a week we had a big week for a death in politics. In one week, Rosalind Carter, Henry Kissinger, and the first woman on the Supreme Court, Sonraday O'Connor, all went to their reward in the sky, and we also lost George Santos.

But he just went to Abercrombie and Fitch. But, yeah, Congress finally did it. They kicked him out. He'll be fine. If it's one thing we know about him, he knows how to write a resume. No, he was something different that George Santos, a gay man and a compulsive liar. I called him a fabulous, fabulous. And he did not.

He did not go quietly. Did not, when they kick, he said, Congress. He wondered about Congress. He said, this place is full of felons galore. By the way, felons galore, it's also the name he uses when he does his drag show. Heller. It's a great name.

No, he was mean. He's called the head of the Ethics Committee a pussy. He did. And he also said, Congress, I'll tell you about Congress. There's people in here are all sorts. sorts of shiasty backgrounds. And Marjorie Taylor-Lean says, Sheistee, I'm not sure what that is,

but it sounds anti-Semitic. I'm in. Well, let's see what's going on in anti-Semite news. There's so much of it, you know, with the kids today. The progressives who love Hamas. Yeah, they protested this week, Rosalind Carter's funeral. I don't know what that had to do with it.

Also, the lighting of the tree, the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. The pro-Palestinian people approached it to that. No Christmas trees. That'll teach the Jews. But the big thing that I got excited at, did you watch the debate last night between... Okay. I guess it got higher ratings here because we had one of the participants in it. It was California Governor Gavin Newsom against the Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.

And boy, did they take the gloves off? Ron DeSantis kept saying, you know, California must be bad because people keep leaving it. Have these people ever tried to park here? I don't think people are leaving. Not enough. No, he said California is a failed state because of the leftist ideology and Newsom was having none of it. He said, no, no, no, no, no, we're just a big tent under the overpass.

No, I'm telling you, Newsom is good. him down. I mean, he turns everything into a brag about California. At one point, did you see this? DeSantis took out a map of San Francisco showing where all the shit in the street is. I'm not kidding. That really happened at a debate. And Newsom was like, well, that just means California has the most fertile pavement in the nation. Very impressive. But, you know what? At the end of the day, nobody's mind was changed about anything, right? These things never

do. What's going to make the difference? I'll tell you what's going to make the difference. Gavin is 6'3-3-with-a-smile like a movie star, and DeSantis is 5'10 in heels with the forced smile of a serial killer. So, you may not

think that that's what's going to make the difference, but I'll tell you this. At the end of the night, Desantis' wife left with Gavin. All right, we've got a great show. We have James Carville and Dave Roveman. But first up, he is the Pulitzer Prize-winning playwrights, screenwriter, and director who wrote and illustrated his newest book everywhere in Oink, Oink, and embittered, dyspeptic, an accurate report of 40 years in Hollywood. A true literary lion.

David Mamet is joining us. Dave. What a pleasure. Thank you so much. What a pleasure. Oh. You are the pleasure. I always have this experience when I read your books.

I learned something, I've told you, I learned something on every page. I thought I was a learned person, and then I read you, and I, wow, men stopped wearing hats in 1959. Yeah. No, I know. I'm sorry. All the two-thirds of the movies ever made are gone. They're gone, yeah. Lennon took a lot of his philosophy from the Jesuits.

Gandhi had 31 different loincloths, one for every birthday, or every day of the month. Every day of the year, of the month, that's right. How do you know this shit? Where is this coming? I make it up. No, yeah. My good friend with Shell Silverstein, of course, wrote where the sidewalk gets blah, blah, blah. One day he said, what are you doing, Dave?

I said, I'm right in a movie, I got to do research. He said, don't do research. When you do research, you're just reading something written by somebody who didn't do research. You don't really believe that. I kind of do, yeah. Well, I mean, you said, what I got you, I have to ask some of these things that I, curious about, you say movies don't really need dialogue. Yeah, of course they don't.

Well, come on. What the fuck does that mean? We wouldn't want to go back to silent movies, would we? Yeah, here's why. Look, we watch movies and translation, right, that are dubbed. So we don't know what the dialogue is. Right? We watch movies and translation that have subtitles,

so we don't know what the dialogue is. Also, we'll watch a movie with the sound off on the... airplane, you watching the next guy's movie, you can't hear the dialogue, right? You have no idea. You have no trouble following that movie. Some movies. What? Some movies. You have no trouble following. Yeah, French movies, you can follow them, but who cares? Okay. And you bring up in the book that, you know, everybody has a great idea for a movie. Yeah, sure. The hard part is the end. Well, the hard part is. Well, the hard part is. is Harper is actually writing it.

I did movies for 40 years with my wonderful pal and colleague, Barbara Tolliver, who just started to write. And she said, I've just realized writing is just making shit up. Isn't that great it is? Again, no. I can't go with you. I don't know what that. Of course it is, but, you know, that's facile.

But let me get back to this part of the end, because you quote somebody, I forget who it is, It says a great ending has to be both unpredictable and inevitable. Yeah, that was actually Aristotle, who was a Greek, ran a coffee shop in 50. Aristotle. But that's so true, and that's, I think, what most people can't get. You, I mean, your movies, I have to say, and reading your book, it shows it, you care more than anybody I've ever read about the audience and not boring them

and making sure they care what comes in their... next scene. Why am I hanging on to this? Yeah. You know why? Because I prefer being a playwright to when I used to be a cab driver. And I have my own little theater company with Billy Macy and Joey Montenna million years ago. And it was in a garage.

We all had other jobs they were doing. We put on plays at night. The only way one can learn how to write a play is to sit with the audience and say, wait a second. Just like you're in the comedy writers. You're writing for them. You aren't writing because some suit had a good idea.

you realize you got their attention until you lose it. And if you put in an extra syllable in the joke, you lost their attention. And if you put in an extra joke, you can't get them back. So you would say plays do need dialogue. No. Listen. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Consistency is all right in its place.

You know, like the French fries at McDonald's, right? They're never going to be surprising and inevitable. They're always consistent. Okay. I happen to be able to write dialogue, so I write dialogue. Some people are great with composing shots, so they compose shots. But the dialogue can only serve the purpose of interest in the audience. If it doesn't, I'm back to driving a cab, right?

You learn this when you're working with an audience, because you can feel, just like you can, when they lose their attention, when they start to drift. You go back and say, guys, you know, I don't think this quite works. let's try it again. So when you're writing for the audience, you learn to write a play, and it's shameful.

Because you said, oh, my God, I thought this was the best thing anybody ever wrote. Yeah, it's fun. You say in the book that nobody ever liked the stuff you wrote

except the actors in the audience. That's right. The studio heads never liked it. No, of course not. You got fired a lot of movies. You mentioned a number of them. One of them, I think it's, We're No Angels.

You're talking about it was De Niro and Sean Tan. And this is by your recounting. You say the director, I figure it was a big director who's coming off a big movie. Yeah, he came off of the crying. Crying game, yes. Okay. So he said you had the first meeting.

You go into his office and he says, Dave, I have some questions about the script. And you said, then why don't you go fuck yourself? I don't understand your point. Wait a second. I'm going to prove it to you guys and prove it to you guys why dialogue is not necessary. The next time you're sitting and your living room we're watching a TV, right?

At some point, you might want to get up and use the facilities, right? Have any... Has this happened to any of you? Yes. Okay. But we can put it on pause now. Well, you can, but here's my question. How do you know what point to do that?

Because you know nothing's going to happen in the scene. Right. Right? Okay. Duh. So you can get away with that when you're writing for these idiots and the studio executives because all they're doing is massaging each other's feet. But if you're actually writing for an audience, you know that you better be right all the time

because when the lights go down, you've got their attention. But if you lose it, you ain't going to get it back. But somebody must have liked your stuff because, I mean, you've had a number of giant hits. The verdict, wag the dog, the postman only lived twice. time. Well, it's interesting you mention those because those three were three great director, Sid Lumet,

and Wagner Dogg was Barry Levinson. And what's the third one you mentioned? Well, there's the postman always rings twice. And the postman was Rapelson. And in all three cases, they said, we got an idea, can you write this? They said, yeah, they took the script. They said, thank you when they went and filmed it the next day.

Right? Because as Billy Wilder, always said, keep your first draft next to you because sure as hell, you're going to come back to it. Because as soon as you, you know, as soon as the suits start messing around with it, you know, one of them wants to add mayonnaise, one of them wants to put a little bit salt in a third of him wants to piss in it and rub it all over his face, right?

I can't see why you keep getting fired. Well, you mentioned Billy Wilder. I read, is this true that he was once asked why this paucity of great scripts and he said, not everybody can be a mammoth? He did. That was the second greatest, compliment I ever received in my life. I was watching. Gunther Schlondorf did an interview with Billy on German TV, and Gunther asked him that, and he said, not everyone can be a memo.

I didn't even realize that he knew my work, and he was an absolute genius. And his command of the American idiom was superb, especially as he learned English when he was, I think, 30 years old. And then there's, you mentioned that you could have done Raging Bull. Yeah. I think you dodged the bullet on that one. I mean, I'm a huge Scorsese fan, but not that one. I never got that. What is good about that? These two mocks just fighting with each other. I said, I don't get it. I said, you know, okay. I've been incredibly, incredibly lucky in this best of all possible careers. And like anybody who's been doing it for a long time, I made some stupid decisions, okay. Yeah, well, I mean, I don't know about decisions. I mean, you recounts, for example, you said you

you were once speaking to a class, a dramatist class. No, you can't tell that story on TV. Oh, yeah, I think I can. Watch me. And one of the kids gets up and asks you the question. I mean, the great David Mammon is here, you know, talking to it. And what is the best thing I can do to increase my chances of working in television? And you said, cut your dick off and eat it. What did you mean by that?

I meant that. I mean, I don't know what part is unclear. No, I meant that, listen, I was working, making a living for, I think, 15 years before I ever heard the term, the industry. Right? When I was growing up and I was doing plays in Chicago, then in New York, it was the theater, the best place in the world. Right. Then I got into movies, blah, blah, blah. And even then the term was kind of newish in the 70s, right?

So the industry is sit on and shut up, and if you want your job, do as you're told, look. the boss is tushy, right? And if you got a good idea, keep it to yourself because we don't care. Speaking of that, you do mention a lot pornography in the sense of, like, you compare the business to

pornography, or it's heading toward that Yeah. Well, it's not heading toward pornography. Basically, it is pornography. Here's the thing. Here's the way of pornographic script works. Oh, my goodness, the boss is coming over for dinner, and I have to make this case.

right? Ding dong, who could that be? I hope it's the plumber because I can't make the cake because the sink doesn't work and I can't wash out the plaza. Ding dong, who are you? I'm the plumber. Fompa, thompah, thomp, right? Well, I got to ask you, when was the last time you looked at porn? They don't do it that way anymore. Now, that's the old way. Oh, what's the new way? The new way is just they go right to the fucking. I know what you're talking about the old one, they actually made porn movies, which I always thought were a lot like musicals. I remember the porn guys with the black socks.

Are you that old? No, you weren't that old. I don't remember black socks. Oh, yeah, it used to be that in the old days, they had smokers where they had these 16 millimeter prints of the guy, and the guy was always wearing shoes, black socks, and garters and nothing else. So those were the good old.

Dave. Yeah. Okay, so before we run out of time, let's get to one serious subject. You say in the book, it's interesting. You go, the good news for Jewish people is the bad news. In other words, when they're successful, things are going well, it attracts the attention of the Cossacks. That's correct. Is that similar to what you see going on now with the incredible amount of anti-Semitism in this country? The incredible amount of anti-Semitism, the incredible amount of anti-Semitism in this country is a sign of, oh, it's a sign of hatred of the Jews. I knew that there was, and there was something I wanted to tell you. Listen, the Bible says that in every generation, Amalek, which is the spirit of evil, is going to be with you. The Bible

also says, I like the Bible because it's really not about God, it's about humankind, or it's not a biography of God. God has a couple of miracles, big deal. It's about the old Testament. Well, creating the universe was big. We know the jury's still out. But the whole idea of the Old Testament is that the spirit of man is corrupt, so that we need things to keep us in line. What we need to keep us in line,

God says, okay, I'll give it ten real simple rules. You obey them, the rest will take care of itself. So the founding fathers come, and they say, these ten simple rules, right, the Decalogue, the Ten Commandments, I get it, we're going to enshrine them in the set of modern laws, the Constitution. Do these things and we're going to be fine. When you start saying yes, but you're in a lot of trouble. When you say there's a penumbra to the Constitution, that means we

aren't going to obey the laws, but we're going to obey our feelings. You're in a lot of trouble. So the problem is we've got several generations of children who we educate to do what's right, right, do what's right, but we don't educate them to think what's right. And to think what's right is sometimes very, very difficult. And when you're faced with a moral decision, a moral decision is a choice between two bad ideas, right? If it's a good idea and a bad idea, there's no moral decision, right? Should I run over that little old lady,

or should I go get a cup of coffee? That's not a moral decision. Right? Right. Should I run over that little old lady or should I run over that infant? That's a moral decision. And we have the capacity to choose.

But when we... So the question is not, what's the right thing? to do. But the question of the Bible and the Constitution is what's the law? Because we can't trust our feelings. You're talking about the American Constitution? Yeah. Because, well, there's very little to do with

I mean commandments, and only two of them are laws, don't kill and don't steal. The first four are just kiss God's ass. I mean, there's very little cross between the Constitution and the Constitution. No, no. All of those guys who wrote the Constitution were, the men and the women of that

of that era were biblical scholars because they all studied the Old Testament. Not so much, they knew the New Testament, but they studied the Old Testament. And a lot of them knew the Old Testament in Hebrew, which is a hell of a punchy language. I mean, I studied the Old Testament. It doesn't mean I believe it.

Well, there's not a question of believing in God. It's a question of understanding what those geniuses who wrote it had to say about human nature, which is you can't trust yourself. You have to ask in every situation, what's the rule, not how do I feel, right? What's the rule?

Of course you don't want to send that kid to prison, but did he break the law? Because you can always say, let me be merciful, but it says in the Bible, and it's a pretty good rule, be just, then be merciful, because the question is who should be merciful to? All right. Well, I wish we could talk more about this,

but I've got to go. Well, before you do, I brought you a present because the best thing that I can give you that anyone can give anyone else on Christmas. And I hope you enjoy it. A pipe? Thank you. What is this?

A muzzur? I'm sure what it is. A bizoza? It's a muzzosa. Okay. Okay. I'll make it into something useful. Thank you very much.

Thank you for this yet. Love that book. All right. David Madem. Let's read our panel. You know? Okay. Welcome to Susser.

All right, he is the Democratic strategist and co-host of the weekly podcast, Politics War Rooms with James Carville and Al Hunt. James Carville is back with us. And he's the creator and host of the political talk show, The Rubin Report on YouTube and Rumble. I know he rang the bell. I rang the bell. At the stock exchange, Dave Rubin is over here, Dave.

That's pretty good. You rang the bell. All right. So did you guys watch the debate last night? I know you're from Florida. Oh, I watched it. Oh, I watched it. I'm living it, man.

All right, because you're from Florida, you're saying? Yeah, well, I was here, and now I'm in Florida. Okay. Oh, you mean you moved to Florida? Yeah. Okay. Here's my takeaway. Well, first thing I thought was this is the election we should be having.

And then I thought, I didn't want this one either. Not big, no, look, I like our governor. I've been trying to get a governor. him to run for president 15 years. I remember being got a fundraiser at John Penn's house and we said to him, Gavin, run while you still look like a movie star. Wait, you like Gavin Newsom.

I'm going to have to smoke from that Mazza. Okay. But I thought he was the winner because playing what I thought was a weak hand, California does have a lot of problems. I thought he fought him to a standstill. And also he went into enemy territory

and did it. Every question was started with, here's some statistics showing that California sucks. What do you say, Governor Newsom? I mean, when you can do that, when you can go into the enemy lair and fight to a standstill, I think you won. James, what are you doing?

Yeah, I hate to say this, because it's not good television, I agree with you. And the thing that Democrats like is somebody that goes, so you go to the deep south, You have Sean Hannity and moderated. You debate DeSantis and people like that. It looks like you're ready to stand for something.

You're ready to fight. You're ready to bring it. I like Governor Newsom Fine. If I were, his consultant, I would have him dressed more like a Louisville banker than a Hollywood guy, but I guess he's not going to change the way he looks. What was Hollywood about his dress?

He had a suit and a tie on. He looks like he's from Hollywood, man. I don't know. I'm absolutely. Do not. Do not underestimate dreamy. I don't underestimate. I don't underestimate dream.

I like him, I'm trying to agree with you. The fact that he went there and took it to him, and he wanted to fight through the belt. When they wanted to go to break, no, no, let's keep this little scuffle going here. I know. I give him great credit for that. He's slicks.

Good. I'm glad he's slick. You know what they said something about Bill Clinton, the guy you got elected, slick. And he won two. You know, let me tell you something. The United States of babies, you have to be little.

slick because they can't take the truth. Now, what was your take? I know you understand. I suppose that he is slick and that he is a lizard person, but everything, every single... What does that mean? Well, lizards are slippery, but every single thing that he

said was a lie. Everything he said. I mean, this place, California, and come on, Bill, this place, did you see the homeless encampment right outside this studio? Right outside the studio. I... actually brought some fentanyl if you want. I talk about California's problems a lot, which is probably why Governor Newsom has not been on the show in six years. Yeah. So I don't pull my punches on that.

I understand that. Oh, no, I'm not saying you pull your punches, but the fact is every number that Hannity pulled out there, whether it's homelessness, whether it's the amount of people that left California to move to Florida, whether it's what's going on with all the woke stuff that I know you do care about and all the rest of it. Florida's flourishing. This place is falling apart. Everyone knows it. You could have framed it differently.

You think if Rachel Maddow held the debate, she would have put up the same statistics? You're not debating the statistic. No, but you can. use others. I'm sorry. I go to California. Everybody's moving out. Why I'm always stuck in goddamn traffic if no one's here? I don't, I don't, and people say, well, the problem in California is homes expensive. Well, if homes expensive, that tells me one thing. There's demand form. Yeah. Well, no, let me tell you about Florida. Did you see a story about the Barton-Republican chair and the wife who was the head of the Sarasota School Board, mom's celebrity?

Those people make Hollywood look like Provo, Utah. Okay? There's this whole kind of myth where you just gang up on California. Oh, my God. How many patents, of all of the patents that are issued in a year in the United States, how many you think come out of California? I thought you were the great political strategist. What the fuck does that matter to the working guy?

How many patents come out? This is what... How many working class people you think are watching this show? But it doesn't matter. I'm talking about the argument that I'm in the middle of some hell-ho. Well, I don't feel it. Yeah, because we're in a studio with security. If you go outside, go outside.

I'm not going to. No, no, there is tents two blocks from here. Absolutely, on the sidewalk. We get it. I'm just saying that I thought, like, this was Newsom's problem last night. He kept saying things that the average person is like, what do I care, how many patents you have, or how many Nobel Prizes you have.

also talking about the history of California, not the California of today. If you went through all of the things, immigration, taxes, do you know that you would save a lot of money if you moved to Florida? Did you know that? A lot of money. A lot of money, Mark.

And I'm still not doing it. Yeah. The one thing, you have flying cockroaches. It's not going to happen. So, I have, here's a... Let me ask one last question about this debate, and all debates. Like, the way we do.

debates. Could I just a few recommendations, one, cut the mic of whoever is not supposed to be talking. This yelling, you know, it turns into I can't stop talking first, because that'll look weak.

So I will just keep talking when you, if you stop talking first, you're the weak one. That's what the debate is. It's really, and also, how about in real time, fact checks? Because what I really hated about this debate

was that it just makes us look like we're two completely different countries, that we live in two different universes. Red state, blue state, each with their own facts. So, he presents his facts, the other guy presents his facts, I'd like, and then you can Google it later. Well, I'm not going to, okay?

You're lucky I watch this much of it. How about in real time having the fact, in football they do it, we stop the game, and we look at the replay, and we'll see what really happens. want to see because there's got to be some objective truth. Okay, so just to be real.

So you're in a campaign story with a fact checker. Who's going to be the fact checker? We've got to both agree. The fact checker is really going to be important. It's who it is. By the way, if you remember when in the Romney Obama debate that Candacroly have hosted, and Romney said some of Obama, and she said that's not true, and it wasn't true, and it was a giant eruption.

that it showed that if you try to fact-check somebody, then they all go crazy. By the way, if you worry about gathering the truth and you voted for Donald Trump or you supported George Santos, how does that square up? That doesn't make any sense at all of me. I think that's a great point.

That's a great point, but the guy he was up there with was Ron DeSantis, and did you hear one, did Ron DeSantis say one thing that either one of you guys thought was a lie, an outright lie or an untruth? You have a difference with him, on, say, abortion or whatever the policy might be, but the guy doesn't get up there and lie like most politicians. Well, I don't know

who was lying. And I wouldn't, I don't concede your point that Gavin Newsom was lying all night. You can cherry pick the statistics you want. Well, he literally wouldn't admit that more people have left Cali than Florida. Like everyone knows this. There's been about a million people out and about 700,000

into Florida. You're remembering it wrong, and it was less than 24 hours ago. That's not what happened. He just said that on the reverse, he said, and this was kind apples versus oranges, because what the point was, was that more people have left California for any other state. And Newsom came back with, more Floridians have gone to California, okay, than Californians have gone to Florida, which probably both things are true, because that's what debaters do. That's why it's a big masturbation contest, because nobody gives a shit.

All right, let me ask, so let me ask you, what do you think the party's biggest vulnerabilities are? I think for the Republicans, the biggest vulnerability is the candidate, is Trump. They can't get away from this. I mean, I thought Newsom's best line last night was saying to dissent is, Ron, you're losing by 41 points. What are you doing here? Newsom has more of a chance of being the nominee. Okay. So we got to look recently now.

We have kind of a clear idea of what Trump's second term, if he gets elected, is going to look like. Shoot shoplifters on site. And I assume if he's... I'm from Florida. Don't look at me. Well, no, I'm looking at you because I assume if he's the nominee, you will vote for this. You're going to vote for the Republican. I want Ron DeSantis to be president.

I know, but it's going to be Trump. We don't know. So he's going to make up 41 points? No, 41 points. I mean, I look at these polls. Like, the polls are from 700 people via text. Okay, who's lying now? Who's lying now?

You think. You think DeSantis is going to beat Trump for the nomination? No, no. I told you who I want to, and I don't know what's going to happen, but nobody knows what's going to happen. I think if he wins Iowa, then anything's possible. Now, Michael, George Santos is having a better year than Ron DeSantis. Okay. DeSantis is throwing spaghetti against a goddamn wall.

He's coming on Bill Moore. He's trying to debate news. Hey, wait a second. Come on the wall here? No, but if a right one, Republican that comes on here, he's desperate. You pointed it out, well, I saw a clip of him on the show. The fact that if you were ahead, you wouldn't be here.

Okay? But he did exactly, no, no, no, no. He did exactly what we all want candidates to do, which is talk to the other side. Right. So I was here that day with you. Yes, I remember. And I think it was, for him to be here and lay out his case is actually what we all want. Isn't it what you were just asking for?

Taking advantage of desperate politicians is my business. Of course. I don't know any good. I can't do any good. Let me get back to Trump's second term because it's really interesting. And again, you are going to have this choice. You're going to have to vote for either Biden or Trump,

who wants to shoot shoplifters on site. A quick death penalty, quick, for drug dealers. He hints about using the military to fight crime. Maybe we should put a guardrail in now. against using the Insurrectionist Act to declare a martial law. What else does he want to do? Oh, Obamacare's got to go. See, this is the advantage of Donald Trump

that nobody ever takes you seriously because you're insane. Obamacare, very popular, okay? This would be a disaster, but nobody takes them seriously. Remember that time there was some mass shooting and they were having some big brain session about it? And Trump is spitballing and he goes, Mike, Mike Pence, maybe we should take away the guns first. Right.

And nobody gave her shit because they were like, oh, it's Donald Trump. Right. You think that the gun people might be like, no. This is his big advantage. He can say anything. And nobody takes... We want to a religious test for immigration. We'd have to get rid of three quarters of the physics faculty at Berkeley and MIT.

Right. So if you have to be a Christian, be here, who's going to teach the kids physics? Mr. Smith, they can't be able to do it. I guarantee you. Well, in a weird way, though, don't you think that's kind of why you shouldn't fear him that much? Like, even if Trump became president again, and look, I did not vote for him the first time, I did the second time, but who's he going to staff himself with? Who's going to be around him that's going to get any of this stuff?

Have you read the Heritage Foundation? They're going through, and they're planning and they're vetting people to go in there to be, so we can be governed by Michael Flynn. Okay? Of course. It's going on right out of the eye. And I even go full way. People in power never have trouble attracting other people to come to the court and have power too.

Well, he had trouble the first time, right? I mean, they had trouble staffing. That's a known thing. They didn't have trouble staffing. You just kept firing people for not being complete ass kissers until he found one. Okay, so I have to bring up this story in the news this week. It's not the biggest one, but it just kind of blew my mind. There's an Australian model named Ellie Gonzalez,

who I thought this is interesting. She's 33 years old, got tired of everybody saying, why don't you have kids? So she put out a list of, she wrote down 117 reasons why she doesn't want to have kids. I said, print this out, it's seven pages. I mean, you're tired all the time. The world's already overpopulated.

They can turn into a serial killer. Kids can be used. rude, they're embarrassing, the terrible twos, rapid pregnancy hair growth, don't even know what that is. Body swelling, face swelling, it's easier to move without kids.

Children are noisy. Pregnancy, I thought I hated kids. This child really does not like kids. And yet, with 170 reasons, she still didn't get all of them. Would you like to hear the ones that she uncle?

Everyone on airplanes, automatically hate you. Yeah. If they fall down a well, they're hard to get out. They can't roll a joint. Every time they change their pronouns, you have to buy them a new wardrobe.

You only get invited to parties with clown. They never pick up a check at a restaurant. It's just one more thing to accidentally leave on the top of your car. There's a only thing. always a priest following you around. And they're always texting Matt Gates. Okay.

So, but if I can go back for a second to the vulnerabilities in the party. I think abortion is the big vulnerability in the Republican Party. And, James, I see your governor in Louisiana is threatening to withhold

state funding for the city of Norleans' water infrastructure. If the district attorney doesn't agree to prosecute women, no clean water for hores, is his slogan. It wasn't that long ago when the Republicans would recoil

if you said, you know, you guys, don't you want to like prosecute? No, we would never prosecute doctors or women. Now this is the policy. This is their surefire way to lose the next election, I think. And they're losing every election except Louis.

Since Dobbs, the Republicans have literally not. And you say, well, no, Mississippi, actually the Democrat in Mississippi got a greater percentage than any Democrat in this century. Every other place, they're losing elections. That's the most important thing. Not polling, not how people feel who's winning elections. And Democrats are running the table. Well, these are off-year elections that are not really indicative.

We don't count them. Okay. We count them. We count them, but it was a regular season in the NFL game. It wasn't a playoff game. It doesn't count. That does matter. That's not a bad analogy, because they are different. You know, 2022, Kentucky, Virginia, Pennsylvania, everywhere that we were winning. Yeah, no, winning. Okay. So you can say, well, it doesn't count. No, it does count. No, and this is the issue. I mean, in Kansas and Ohio, they amended the state,

That's not easy to do to say, oh, no, we want abortion rights here because everybody hates kids. They really do. They're feral, they're obnoxious, they're entitled. Nobody wants kids, or if I have one, I don't want another one. I'm telling you, this is what people do. I'm going to. I got to say, I got to come back. I got to defend parenthood. You know what? You suck up to this audience, okay? You love your audience. You know what all of them have in common? I promise you they got parents. There's not a single person. in this audience, because I'm not saying, I'm not saying parents suck. I say kids suck. Why the kids come from to stalk?

I will say you're consistent on this because I became a parent this year and you're the only person who said to me. Well, when I told you, you were the first person who said to me, oh, fuck. Literally. But by the way, Bill, you know, I'm personally, I'm for, say, 12 or 14 weeks when it comes to abortion, which used to be the Democrat position. And unfortunately, I think Democrats have a choice. I would say I'm begrudgingly pro-choice, which was the same Democrat position of the 80s and 90s and everything else. I would say the Democrats have gone off the deep end one way and the Republicans have gone off the deep end on the other hand. And even though I personally would prefer more Republicans in office in terms of limited government and everything else, I'm completely with you.

It's not a winner for them. It is simply not a winner. Whether you are for abortion or against abortion, a certain set of suburban women, they vote on abortion. So making an issue out of six-week abortion or whatever, it's just not a winner for Republicans. So I can completely concede that. Well, also, they're trying to have it both ways. I hear them talking about it.

We can have a common-sense solution where if you pick a number of weeks, any number of weeks, you're pro-choice. I mean, that's what pro-life means, conception. First trimester, I think it's four times three, quick, 12. So you, for a 15-week ban, well, hello, Justice Blackman. How are you today? And the argument was you couldn't, it was a murder, it was a child,

it was passed, you couldn't do it, conception. What are you talking about? It said, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You misunderstood us. We were really for 15 weeks. No, you were not. How many Republicans signed on

to the Human Life Amendment? How many of them signed on to that? And what does that say? From conception. Don't come, because I'm doing a book, and I'm going to call these sons of bitches on it. Every one of them. I'm going to put that neck.

And now, no, come back here and tell me, I'm at 15 weeks with exceptions, and maybe we won't do too much about it. Anyway, you know, getting their asses handed to him. Off year or no off year. Okay. So let me bring up one more plank in the, I'm getting ready for the next Trump term already.

He says, under his administration, his next one, schools will teach students to love their country, not to hate their country like they're taught now. I've got to say, this one doesn't bother me so much. Because I think that, I mean, this is what I see when I see kids demonstrating these progressive, progressives demonstrating for Hamas, the most illiberal people in the world, that, oh, good, we're going to give America, it's come up and it's asshole America. This is, they kind of have been indoctrinated this way.

And Chuck Schumer made a speech this week. He said, Andy says, Mr. Smith is a five-alarm fire. That must be extinguished. This is the highest-ranking Jewish politician we've ever had in this country. He talked about when Jewish people hear chants like from the river to the sea. You understand that means wipe us out by any means necessary. Vulnerabilities in the party, James, the Democrats have a big split generationally on this issue. The kids seem to be with the Palestinians.

And the older generation seems to be with, Israel. Well, the kids are with TikTok. They're with whatever TikTok tells them to be for, basically. Well, that is where a lot of their... What would are they good people on both sides at Charlottesville? I don't know. Did I hear that? Or did I make that up? That Trump said they're good people on both sides. He didn't say that. He didn't. He didn't. Well, he said it, but a sentence later, he said, I'm not talking about the white supremacists and the neo-Nazi. Yeah, I have to. It's like, you know, on much. It was badly phrased. I think we can agree on that. It was in that. Yeah, it was inelegant.

What is your point about this? Well, first of all, the young people don't understand. There was a great piece in because of colonialism. Gaza is a lot of things. It's a tragedy. There's certainly, it's a lot of things. It's not colonialism. They're not educated.

They're stupid. Right. Okay? That's fine. But young people have been stupid for a long time. What can I guess? Why do you think I spend my time and teach him? I know, but, you know, but it wasn't always

like this. I mean, you've been in government a lot. You understand how it works in the cruities of power. I never saw this. A couple of weeks ago, members of the White House staff protested against their own president. We are congressional staffers on Capitol Hill also. Also, these people did.

And we are no longer comfortable staying silent. Well, your staffers, you're supposed to say silent. What are you talking about? Yeah, you fire them. My boss is doing a shit job and I thought I'd go public with it. I mean, this is hundreds of people in Biden's and on a Democrat,

congressional Democrat staff, who are publicly going against them because they're not supporting Hamas enough. You fire them, period. You fire all of them. That's it. It's not, it's not up for debate. If you had five staffers standing outside

saying Bill Maher's the devil, what are you going to do? You're going to fire them, right? Of course you're going to fire them. It's as simple as that. You fire these people, but the inmates are running the asylum. I'm not, first of all, they're dissuards.

decidedly not running the asylum. Biden is the single friend that Israel had. I'll let me put a quick look at you. How in the hell am I still looking at BB Netanyahu's stupid, crooked, ignorant, negligent face? All right? Is this guy still in power after the most greatest intelligence failure, maybe 9-11? At least since 9-11? Well, they're in a war.

I mean, what do you want them to do to step down and know the war? It's because they kept getting intelligence and said this shit's going on, and he was trying to take over the judiciary with all your right-wing bullshit they're trying to pull over the half. You did see the paper today, right? I mean, Israel knew about this attack in detail for over a year. It's worse than our 9-11, and our 9-11 was pretty bad because they had Alzheimer-Bin-Lodin planning to attack, and the United States ignored it.

But, I mean, come on, this is for Israel to have this kind of intelligence failure in the neighborhood they live in where they could have never been able to afford to be sloppy. Yeah, he definitely... It's an extraordinary failure, and he has to step down at the end of this thing, but I think what James was saying was, why am I looking at him now?

I don't know that he can step down in the middle of a war. They have to clean this thing up. He's been the leader of the country. And by the way, I think he will... You've interviewed him many times. I think he will do the right thing because he loves his country, and at the end, they have to get through this. I mean, they're in an existential battle right now.

The idea that he's just going to step down and hand it to somebody, I think, is a little. No, right. I'm sorry. I worked in Israel. I've been there any number of times. 61 people in Knesset could do anything they want. Why is this guy still there? Why am I looking at him?

And all he's trying to stay in office, so he's to keep his ass out of jail. Okay. That is a good point. They're in the middle of a war. So you know what they would do with an incompetent general in World War II? It's far. You don't keep, if somebody's incompetent the last time, the last time you warn him.

But he's not a general. He's the president. There's a big difference between a general and a president, just like the big difference between the playoffs and the regular season. All right. I got to go to new rules, everybody. All right.

Okay, new rule. Whoever fact-checked Liz Cheney's new book needs to fact-check it again. Because in it she claims Kevin McCarthy told her that after Trump lost the 2020 election, he, Donald Trump, was so depressed that he, stopped eating.

And we know that wasn't true. I mean, even if it were, clearly this man can make it through winter. But really, check your notes, because after Trump lost, like a dog, I'm pretty sure what he said was, I'm so depressed, I've stopped cheating.

I'm just not so controversial. I don't know. Newark, did you stack this audience with a bunch of fucking Trumpers? Probably. New Rule, now that four members of BTS are beginning their mandatory military service, we need the same thing here.

Not for everyone, just for pop singer. I'm telling you there's nothing wrong with Takashi 6-9 that 10 weeks of basic training can't fix. New Rule, the media has to understand that when someone finally makes a public statement, that doesn't mean they're breaking their silence. It just means they had better things to do than talk to you. It means you've been camped out on their front lawn for the past two weeks,

and this is the only way they could tell you to fuck off. New Rule, stop criticizing Melania Trump for not wearing black to Rosalind Carter's funeral. The important thing is she was there, and besides, in her country, wearing black means you're a vampire. Although... Although I do question her choice of entrance music. New Rule, you're officially too much of a joke to stay in government when someone cares enough to make a giant,

unflattering balloon of you. And Santos is kind of like a balloon. His resume was inflated, and his career just popped. And when you pull out his butt plug, it makes a farting noise. And finally, new rule. Praise Jesus. It's a Christmas miracle.

For the first time in the 21-year history of this show, we are on in December, which gives me a chance to explain to everyone, something I've always wanted to expound upon in this show. You know that whole thing about Jesus being born on December 25th? Well, it's a crock of shit. Now, this is not an attack on Jesus, although he was a nepo baby,

but also a revolutionary philosopher with a beautiful message. As to whether he's a God, that's up to you. But if the subject is God's born on December 25th, We have enough of those for an entire jeopardy category. He was the Egyptian god who took the form of a falcon. Who is Horus? He is the god from ancient Persia born bearing a torch. Who is Mithra?

He is the Greek god of rebirth. Who is Adonis? He was the fertility god in Cleopatra's time. Who is Osiris? This Greek deed he was known for having a good time. Who is Dionysus? Well, yeah, we wrapped up the Emmy with that one. So you may be asking,

those are all real, by the way, I think that was the problem. They think I'm making this up, but I'm not. Why do all the gods want the same birthday? Well, because December 25th was a pagan holiday coming a few days after the shortest day of the year, when primitive peoples noticed that the days were starting to get longer again, and so a cause for celebration. Cut to...

And that's the story of Christmas. A holiday I love, by the way. The tree, the presents, the music, the Christmas memories with my sister and our cousins, filling the bong with eggnog. It's the only time of the year it's okay to put alcohol in milk. Christmas is fun if you just accept. It's pretend time like a Hollywood wedding. Yes, I love Christmas and always have.

Just don't try to make me take it seriously. And that is what has been going on a lot lately here in America. We have a new Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, who says America is actually a biblical republic, and that he's even got a flag picked out that hangs outside his office, and which also could be seen in the mob on January 6th. Mike also says the separation of church and state is a misnomer. And Congresswoman Lauren Bobert concurs, saying she's tired of the separation of church and state junk. So too Marjorie Taylor Green, who says,

I say it proudly, we should all be Christian nationalists. Now, I know it may seem like this is just a few crazies, but I got to tell you, dumb-ass Republicans who believe horrible ideas are like ants. There's always more that you can't see. And in fact, these ideas are no longer the fringe. According to a recent survey, over half of Republicans are either adherence of Christian nationalism or sympathetic to it.

And they agree with statements, Mike, the U.S. government should declare America a Christian nation, and being Christian is an important part of being American, and God has called Christians to exercise dominion over all areas of American society. I'm sorry, but I don't want anyone exercising their dominion over me unless I pay them, and we've established a safe word. Bobert says the church is supposed to direct the government. The government is not supposed to direct the church.

Well, no and no. Neither one is supposed to direct the other. That's what separation of church and state means. Republicans, Jesus fucking Christ, first you stop believing in democracy. Senator Mike Lee said it, among others. Trump lives the idea every day. And here we have the Speaker of the House saying it. And now Republicans also don't believe in the separation of church and state.

Does anyone in that party room or what fucking country you're living in? We're the place that stakes so much of our greatness on being the first to specifically prohibit having a state religion. There are dozens of countries that have an official religion.

There's 13 where being an atheist is punishable by death. Four have an Islamic right in the title of the country. And maybe that warms the hearts of the TikTok crowd who lately have found heroes in Hamas and Osama bin Laden. But that's not us.

That's not what we do here. I get it. You kids like to switch things up. But I can only handle one side at a time being ridiculous about religious fanaticism. And right now I've got my hands full with Mike Johnson. Because Mike Johnson has the power to actually make laws. And I don't want my global warming policy decided by someone who was, rooting for the end of the world so we can get on with the rapture.

And who once filed a legal brief before the Supreme Court, arguing that what he called deviant same-sex intercourse should be a crime. Even the lesbian stuff? Mike thinks God personally chooses, raises up our leaders, which is a very dangerous thought, because then when you lose an election, you think it's just another of God's tricks to test your faith, like fossils. Mike says we began as a Christian nation. We didn't.

Did you miss that day in homeschool, Mike? If you don't know that the pilgrims came here to get away from the Church of England, then you don't know literally the first thing about our country. Mike says being a Christian nation is our tradition, and it's who we are as a people. It's not. We're the people who have a First Amendment, which says Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion. And we have an article 6, which says

no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office. So I take these people at their word when they say that they think we should be Christian nationalists. But then they have to take John Adams at his word when he wrote, the government of the United States of America

is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion. But I still love Christmas. All right. That's our show. I'll be at the San Diego Civic Theater January 27, the MGM Grand in Vegas, February 16 and 17 at the Hobby Center for the Performing Arts in Houston, March 2nd. I want to thank James Carvel, Dave Rubin, and David Mamet. Now go watch overtime on CNN at 1130 or catch it Saturday morning on YouTube. Thank you, folks. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Marr every Friday night at 10 or watch him anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to hbo.com