Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #651: Robert De Niro, Max Brooks, Tara Palmeri

Episode Date: March 9, 2024

Bill’s guests are Robert De Niro, Max Brooks, Tara Palmeri (Originally aired 3/8/24) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series, Real Time with Bill Maugh. Thank you. Appreciate that. Okay. Very exciting night. And what a political week.

I think I know why you're happy. We have proof of life. Did you see the State of the Union last night? I thought Joe was pretty good. I don't know about the Union, but the State of the President. as feisty, uh,

whatever they're slipping in his metamusel seemed to be working because he was up for it last night. And the Republicans expected the caricature of Joe Biden to show up. And a kind of different guy showed up.

And you could tell they were thrown off their game by this because on Fox News, they weren't going on about his age. They were going on that he was too loud. I'm not making that too loud. So who sounds like an old fuck now? Burn it down in there. You're too loud. And of course, I guess we're just this country now. He was heckled throughout the night.

You know, this is just who we are. Now Marjorieke Taylor Green did a lot of it as her role as America's embarrassing cousin. On her schedule tonight is getting drunk at a wedding and blowing the DJ. No, they were so rude. The first time we've seen Lauren Bobert do this without an actual dick in her home.

But, oh, they do keep coming up with them, don't they? You've got to give that to the Republican Party. There's a new star, though. Move over, Marjorie and Lauren Bowrett. We now have Katie Britt. She did the rebuttal, you know. There's always a rebuttal. So if you didn't see it, I'm just going to show you about 20, 30 seconds of it.

And you make up your own mind. Here's Katie Britt last night. Mr. President, enough is enough. It's been a minute since Joe Biden. pumped gas. The free world deserves better than a dithering and diminished leader. Dynamics is working. And we stand with you. But how many times a day she was raped? Our families are hurting. Goodness, y'all. Bless his heart. So, uh...

So I just wanted to remind you, daylight saving times, uh, start. starts this Sunday, so it'll be an hour later when the cuckoo bird flies out of her head. Republicans, Republicans, they do this all the time.

They introduce us to their new rising star, and America's like, what the fuck was that? So here's... Here's what I learned about Katie Britt, because I didn't know, I'd never heard of her before. She's got a husband named Wesley.

She's got kids named Bennett and Ridgeway, and she's this close to driving them all over a cliff in a minivan. The Republican said they picked her because she has school-age kids who now have to endure taunts of your mom's a weirdo. And you can tell they wrote her speech, her rebuttal, before she even watched the actual speech itself, because she kept referring to Biden as weak, dithering, diminished, and then this really hurt. we are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together.

And I thought... And I thought the fact that putting her in the kitchen was a nice touch. I felt like I was delivering groceries and I didn't know if she was going to kill me or fuck me. I really... I really thought for a minute she was going to... She was going to walk over to the refrigerator

and open it up, and there's a head in there. Anyway, we've got a great show. She got Max Brooks and Tara Palmieri. But this is very exciting for us, after the weekend. He is the consensus greatest actor of his generation who was currently nominated for his 10th Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in the Film Killers of the Flower Moon.

Robert De Niro. Thank you, sir. All right. Thank you. First of all, thank you so much for being here. I know you don't have to be here. You don't have to be anywhere. You don't need anything.

The voting is... You don't. You're playing with the House money. I mean, the voting is in, so I know you just wanted to be. here and that means the world to me. Well, you're terrific. Thank you. I appreciate that. So, I don't know if you, did you see what I was just showing of Katie Britt? As the greatest actor, could you, could you critique her acting technique a little? Because I thought

it might have been a little over the top. No, I saw it this morning, and I don't understand why they would even have someone like her do it. I mean, it's... It was so lame. Yeah. That's a good word for it. All right. Well, speaking of acting,

I just want to go through. I'm going to speed read this. Go ahead, whatever you want to do. Honestly, because, you know, I've said this many times to actors here. I judge actors not just by how they act, because I think you would admit, as great as you are. Other actors are great, too. They could

do the roles. I judge them also by what scripts they pick, like the intelligence to pick the right script. And I just went through your list. These isn't, not even all of them, but Godfather, taxi driver, deer hunter, raging bull, King of Comedy, Once Upon a Time in America, Untouchables, Midnight Run, Awakening's, Goodfellas, Cape Fear, Bronx Tale, Boys' Life, Heat, Casino, Wag the Dog, Jackie Brown, Ronan, analyze this, Meet the Fockers, The Good Shepherd, Silver Linings, Playbook, Dirty Grandpa, Joker, the Irishman, Killers at the Flower Moon. It's a little greedy. I'm just saying

a lot of that is because you just chose great movies. I mean, to have that many movies that everybody always loves, what's behind that? What goes into what you choose? No, those are films that I see the possibility in. Some I've been involved with from the inception.

They're all just movies that I felt that were worthy I've done some not good ones, but I think I have a pretty good average, otherwise. That's what I'm saying. A very high batting average. You have very few turkeys in there. So I just, I don't know, I just pick certain things.

I mean, that's what I feel are good. They're either well-written or smart or something, or the director has been more. If it's Scorsese, I just go with him no matter what he's going to do. Do you have any, were there any parts that you turned down ever that you could have done? The only one that I didn't,

I was taking so long to think about it was the famous one that Anthony Hopkins wound up doing. Nixon? No, no, it was with Jonathan Demi. We all, what's it? Oh. Silence of the Lambs. Yes, silence of the lambs.

You could have been Anthony Hopkins? I could have played that part, but I waited so long, and I was thinking, and I said, just give me a little longer. And the next thing he said, I'm going to, he just cast it. He didn't even tell, the way I remember it. So that was one. I don't regret it. It's just, that's what happened.

Right. And I see, you've only directed two, but they were both really good, Good Shepherd, really a big favorite of mine. you about the CIA. Really subtle, smart, entertaining. And boys' life also. Terrific. Why only...

Boy's Life, I didn't direct. I directed Bronx Tale. Oh, Brunch Tale. Also, great. But why only two? You never found... You never found another one all those years that you wanted to,

that compelled you to direct? It's a lot of work to direct the movie. And I love doing it. It's just that, and even Bronx tale, I said, I better do something because I want to direct, and I finally saw Chaz Pometari's One Man Show out here, then in New York, and finally we got it ready to do, and I committed to it and did it the way. I made it my own, as you can, as you say, when you do a film or even a part, you make it your own. You personalize it more, so it becomes more specific.

and so I that was I was very happy about I had a way that I wanted to do it I wanted to do it with kids who were not actors because nobody could do that world that was an actor you had to use the kids from that world and have them work with them on the scenes improvise this you know give them the beginning middle end of the scene they go through it they improvise so that's why the good shepherd I've always been fascinated by the intelligence world and I'm a child of the Cold War, if you will. You look great for being one, by the way. No, I mean, not to get onto the age issue, but we should, because you're basically the same age as Biden.

I am, yeah, I'm 80, he's 82 or 81, I think, right? Okay. Well, the same, with the same. For all practical parties. I don't know if it's the Italian skin, whatever it is, but you still could, you mean, you still can play. these parts. I mean, you don't, you know, I mean, dirty grandpa, yes, great. I love it. But, I mean, now you're entering a new decade. Look, I'm punching 70 in the mouth.

Oh, that's, yeah. Yeah, well, any advice? No, just keep going. Yeah, just keep going. Well, that's my question. Can you keep going? I hope I can. You know, I, I'm very busy. I enjoy it. I don't mind it. I don't mind it. I keep going because I know if you don't keep going, you're going to atrophy and you're going to dry up and I don't want to do that. So I'm just trying to keep as busy as I can. So what did you think of Biden last night? I mean, I thought he was great.

Yeah, I did too. And I, you know, this whole thing about him in his age, it's all nonsense from the Republicans and even from our party. The bottom line is it's Biden versus Trump. We want to live in a world that we want to live in, enjoy living in or live in a nightmare, vote for Trump, and you'll get the nightmare. Vote for Biden, and you'll be back to normalcy.

Yeah. So why is Trump winning? I mean, the poll, the New York Times poll this week came out, and maybe this will change it with the state of the union address. But Trump was beating him rather soundly. It was quite a warning light, 48 to 43, also winning way more among women, women than he had before, or winning outright Latinos.

What do you attribute that to? I don't know. I just don't want to feel the way I did, and many of us don't, after the election in 2016, where we couldn't believe that it happened. The guy is a total monster, and anybody, I don't understand it.

I guess they get behind that kind of logic They want to fuck with people, screw them, because they're unhappy about something. He's such a mean, nasty, hateful person. I never play him as an actor because I can't see any good in him. Nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing redeemable in him. And we have to, and whoever the people are who want to vote for him,

and they look like intelligent people around this. I mean, for some reason, it can't be. It cannot be. If he wins the election, you won't be on the show anymore. He'll come looking for me. There'll be things that happen that none of us can imagine.

That's what happens in that kind of a dictatorship, which is what he says. Let's believe him. Take him at his word. I did from the beginning. Yeah. I mean, I said from the very beginning, this guy is never going to concede power.

And he still hasn't. He still hasn't admitted he lost the last election. And he advertises that he will go on. He says he's been cheated out of one term. So maybe we should get rid of the only, a president only gets two terms thing. He's a sociopathic, psychopathic, malignant narcissist. He is a dangerous person.

And we have to realize. People realize. I have a lot of people, this audience, but the people who somehow think he's going to, be the answer to their prayers, whatever those are. Did you know him as fellow New Yorkers? Never wanted to know him. Never wanted to.

No. You must have crossed. He was an idiot. He was a clown. He was a clown in New York. And New Yorkers said, you know, some would go with him, of course, people who work in what he does, some of them. But it's just, he's a classic bully. If you had a schoolyard and he walked in and he had his bull, his bulls, he had his bulls,

friends around. The other people decide whether they want to oppose him or they want to let them just tell him what to do and own that, the schoolyard or the basketball court or whatever it is. He's got to be stopped. But even bullies have to trade on something that people feel. And his big message the last time was, American carnage, it must stop. He said everything that he did himself, that he's responsible for. It's all a projection of who he, you know that. Yes, of course. But I... I do see that the governor of New York now is putting the National Guard in the subway.

As in New Yorker, what do you think of that? What do you think they'd say if he did it? Well, if he did it, it's for another reason. Heard doing it. I haven't heard about it. They just told me just before. But I don't know. I don't have an answer for that.

I'm not happy about it. But crime in New York. I mean, you know something about that. Well, I don't. You've played it. It's happened to you. I don't know. I don't have organized crime.

I don't, I'm sorry to hear that, and I hope, I don't know, whatever I can do to help alleviate that situation, whatever, I don't know, I don't know, I can't. Well, I think people feel like there's a lack of common sense on the left and the right. Would you at least agree with that? I would agree with that. Right. And that that gives him a giant opening. I mean, I think what we saw from this week, especially the super two,

Tuesday is the Democrats seem to be moderating. They're back on the crime issue. All the excesses of, say, from 2020, they seem to be pulling back on, whereas the other party is going even more bonkers. Well, they're just, they'll do anything and we'll see a lot worse as time goes on. I think because he's behind it, it'll go as low as anything we could ever imagine and beyond that. That's what's so concerning and upsetting. The bottom line is we have. We have a lot of the bottom line is we have to, Biden's our guy, he represents what this country is supposed to be about. And Trump is, you see, we all see. Not this audience, but, well, there's disorder that sees other people out there.

All right. Well, I'll let you go. I know you're probably on a set. Wait, I'm not finished. Oh, okay. Well, you're definitely not. Are you going to go to the party? this weekend? Are you going to be out celebrating

until... I don't know. Yeah. Maybe I'll see out there. Good luck on Sunday. If you win, do you think it'll get you more acting work? It could open up some doors for you? Well, it might actually. Well, it's a... You're great in it. Killers, and it's a great movie.

It's a... I just wanted to say, it's a... It's a real morality play, that movie. And a morality play needs a bad guy. A real you can't do the play. And you are not afraid to take that on.

No. So for that one and all of them, thank you very much. Thank you. Great to see you. Robert De Niro. All right, let's meet our panel. Hey.

Hey, guys. All right, he is a fellow at the Modern War Institute at West Point, and author of the upcoming short story, Tiger Chair, a tale of China's future war. Max Brooks, a returning champion, and Tiesley's Senior Political Correspondent at Puck and host of the ringers.

Somebody's Got to Win podcast. Tara Palmary, how are you? Great to see you. Okay. Can we talk a little state of the union? I thought it was, as most people are saying, even the polls now say, the audience liked it, the general public kind of liked it. They didn't think Biden could be quite that feisty.

I saw the criticism was a lot of it was that it was a campaign speech. I think Joe finally got the memo that, yeah, we can't be friends anymore. Remember when he first got to Washington? It was like, my friend's in the Senate. And that Senate, that's his happy place. You know he loves being there. Yeah. But he gets it now, though.

It's a campaign speech, they said. He's like, fuck right, it's a campaign speech. Is that how you wouldn't know? There was something buried in his speech that I think needs to get a lot more play when he talks about billionaires paying their fair share. You know, remember when Obama tried to say you didn't build that and got shouted down? He should have doubled down because there is a bond between the state and the marketplace. And Biden said it perfectly because it's not that we don't want Bezos to make billions of dollars.

We do, but he can only make his billions because his trucks drive on roads that I pay for, that his workforce is educated in public schools, that I pay for, that his drivers got driver's licenses and DMVs that I pay for. and the cops that protect his vans that I pay for, and the entire global supply chain is protected by the United States military that I, the taxpayer, pay for. So I am paying my fair share,

and all I want is for billionaires to pay theirs. You're here. So, I mean, from my perspective, I think, you know, obviously, Joe Biden made a lot of great points electorally in an election year, but I think a lot of people were actually really watching for style,

probably even more than substance because they wanted to know that this person that if you're watching any sort of like right wing media, Fox News, you think he's a zombie. And he essentially showed you, I am not a zombie, I have a brain,

I can speak, I can even ad lib, I can interact with Marjorie Taylor Green. And yeah, of course, some of the words were garbled, but it's an hour speech. Like, who can do that anyway, right? And who gives us shit? Anyway, but so,

I think for most Americans, they just wanted to see their pride. And I think as long as he can keep doing that, and he's continuing today, he's in Pennsylvania, he's on its anti-zombie tour. And like, everyone is going to see him. And this is, and this is what the people want. Right. And I mean, and let's be clear when we talk about, you know, when the pundits and the press talk about ageism, it's not ageism. It's weakism. Right. It's the perception of weakness. And it taps into the sick, primitive, scared monkey caveman DNA that's in us. Right? So when we look at him, we go,

ooh, Chief weak, he no hunt mammoth. We know eat. Bad chief. And that's really what they're talking about. And the people who know better need to cut that out. Because if he was so weak, how could he accomplish more in three years

than every other president in the last 50? Last 50? Oh, yeah. The last 50 years. But he doesn't get the credit for it because he doesn't know how to use the bully puly.

but he used it last night. And I actually think Katie Britt did him a huge service because she showed that experience actually does matter. I mean... What, uh... Where have they been hiding her? Alabama. And how do we close that border?

But, you know, that's... But... But... She's a great example of what it's like to live in a dictatorship, because we're all making... fun of her, but she wasn't talking to us. She was talking to Trump, and that's what you get when you turn on Russian state TV.

They're talking directly to Putin. And so that's what it's like to live in a dictatorship. She's only performing for one person. Okay. Yeah, I was just going to say, and I think based on my reporting at Puck, she may have failed at that

because, no, seriously, Trump has a cash crunch right now. He needs money. And Republican, Normie, donors, they looked at her and they thought she is the future of the Republican Party. She is a woman who could appeal to moderate swing voting women, and they are all behind her, the Paul Singers, the Ken Griffins, the big money guys, they would feel comfortable supporting her, and Trump knows that because they aren't supporting Trump yet. So Trump saw her with a lot of appeal, but for Trump, presentation and performance is even more important,

and in a lot of ways, in politics it is. And she's kind of proven that she can't sell things. Like, I don't believe that she believed what she was saying. And I don't... So I don't know how... I don't think he would pick her. And I've heard my recording suggests from MAGA World and from, you know, Mar-A-Lago

that they weren't impressed either. No. It looked like a first-year acting student trying to get into the Lee Strasbourg school. I've never seen that... I mean, they've had some really bad ones. Who was the dude who kept drinking? Gindle. No.

Oh, Bobby Jindle. He was bad, too. No, that was Rubio. Rubio. You know, but this was just... something really different. No, no, no. But I got, I will say this.

I just hate the fact that nobody can let anything pass in this country without getting partisan about it. Like the fact that she was in the kitchen. That's all I heard on MSNBC. In the kitchen. Like they want women back in the kitchen. OK, I have a kitchen. Yeah.

Everybody has a goddamn kitchen. It's not about the kitchen. They were leaning into the mom thing. Well, I mean, it's just you. And then on the other side, I see that when he was sparring, Joe, about the illegal immigration, and he called somebody an illegal. Oh, yeah. Nancy Pelosi, she said, well, you should call them undocumented. But it's not a big deal. Right. Because Elon Omar said, no human is illegal. Oh, drama much.

You know. Jesus Christ. And I thought that, this is where the Democrat Party should go if they want to win. It's no big deal. Stop taking the bait. Stop making an issue. she would have every goddamn thing. But here, because if I just, let me recap what I think, with Joe, I think he just would say,

I'm with the Normies. He challenged, the border, let's not fight about it, let's fix it, Putin's bad, school shootings are bad, in vitro's good,

abortions personal, potato chips cost too much. And Israel was attacked. And I think that's, you know, most normal, I see somebody heckled him with Abigate, like nobody without a decoder ring

knows what this means. It's a reference to Afghanistan, which in the right-wing bubble is like the worst thing. And I think the most Americans think, Afghanistan, yeah, he didn't stick the landing, but he pulled the Band-Aid off. It's not the darkest day in American history.

I also don't think he's the best president in 50 years. I don't know where you're getting that. Well, what I'm getting it is that... Was in Obamacare itself a bigger thing? No, it is a big thing. But what he's doing is he is the first long-term president

in my lifetime. All right? every president that even the ones I like have always had this message of if you vote for me, you're going to have a great now today. Biden's attitude is, I ain't going to live to see half the fruits of my labor,

but your kids and your grandkids are going to live in a better world. He is the better tomorrow president. The chips, the reindustrializing, the infrastructure. None of this is going to show instant results. But there has not been a president like this since FDR.

Well, I... Thank you. My praise indeed. I do think it was smart for Democrats, though, in this speech to really lean into immigration and crime, because that is going to be the issue in 2024. Yes. And the fact that he could get down to brass tax, like actual numbers, it was almost like he was going to a spreadsheet of this is how much money you could save. Well, you know, this is the kind of thing that people want to hear.

But I do think Democrats are really behind. Like you said, years of defund the police. now it's going to have a huge impact, and it spreads out to the suburbs, and that's how the Republicans won the House in 2022, because of crime in the suburbs, and it's going to be immigration crime. I think if there's a headline from this week, not just the speech, but also it was Super Tuesday. So we had races, and they did give us some results,

even if they were down-the-ballot kind of things. And the big headline to me is, like I said to Bob, one party is moderating. Democrats got the memo. 2020, yeah, we went too far, keeping kids out of school for two years, colleges with 200 DEI officers, just great, you know, shoplifting is just as shopping now. Just worry they're a little...

Crazy shit that, yeah. I worry they're a little late to the game, though, because, like, two to one, people think that Republicans are better with crime, migration, economy. Okay, but... So now you're in the election year, and now you're trying to, like, switch the script. I mean, put in the National Guard in the subway? Yeah, no, you have. to do it. And so it seems like an overcorrection, but...

But that's the thing is it's, I would argue that instead of overcorrecting, it's baby stepping into the moderate, rational middle, instead of what we've been ping ponging between for decades, which has been overcorrecting, right? These progressive policies are essentially decriminalized crime. They were a knee-jerk over-correction for the over-incarceration, the militarizing of the police of the 80s and 90s, which was itself an over-correction for the ballooning crime of the 60s and 70s, which was itself an overcorrection for racist police brutality, which had been going on since like 1492. But this is the thing.

We ping pong in between. It's either smash and grab or stop and frisk. And we can't keep living like that. And the Democrats seem to want to say, okay, public safety is a priority. How do we do this without electing the next generation of Rudy Giuliani's? Right. Well, San Francisco, known as the most progressive city in the country, they're a part of this what happened the other night. They changed on a couple of important things.

Welfare recipients have to be drug tested now, and the cops can chase you again if you're bad. Wow. You know, so the San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco can no longer be called a progressive city. Oh, shut the fuck up. You know, I guess... But, you know, this is the mistake we made in the late 70s, when the welfare state was showing cracks, right? Crime was on the rise, things were not working out,

and the Democrats doubled down and just threw money at the problem and shamed anybody who tried to complain. And as a result, America just turned, and I'm seeing this in my neighborhood. I live in a neighborhood that was so progressive when I moved in. I think you had to, like, own a Che Guevara t-shirt just to live there. I was to the right of them, and now I'm to the left,

and I haven't changed. They have, and we're not just talking about, like, well-to-do whiteies. We're talking about working-class people, because we have to remember this with crime. It's the working-class people who suffer the most. Yes.

Because they need the parks. They need the beaches. They need the public spaces. They can't afford private security and to take their kids away. And they're the ones calling for safety. Of course. But this is, like,

I agree with you 100%. And I think this is why a lot of Democrats are really worried that Biden is leaning too far into democracy and not enough into crime and migration because it's hard to think about democracy if you're afraid to leave your house. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? It's hard to think about these bigger conceptual issues, which we should be. Yeah. But at the same time, if you don't feel safe.

It's personal. I was just at a community meeting in my neighborhood. And there was this older African-American guy yelling at the LAPD. And he said, how is that fair that you can come into my... house, anytime you want looking for drugs, but you can't go into the van that's been parked outside my house for the last year. How is that fair? Okay. I wanted to bring up an economic issue, because he did talk a lot about the economy. I don't know if you were familiar with OnlyFans. Does everyone know what OnlyFand is?

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I'll pay that. I'll pay that. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do that. And, of course, one of our favorites here on Real Time, for $30, he'll jerk off two invisible guys. It's a favorite video. Okay. So, one more thing about the State of the Union. I think the strategy. I think the that Joe Biden should employ if he wants to win this election is just to come out every once in a while. You know, when I first said he's going to be Ruth Bader Biden, and I still think that may be the possibility, I think we still would do better with a younger candidate. But okay, maybe not. We'll see. He did well last night. But everybody said, and I said, well, he can, I don't think he's doing a bad job as president. He can do the job. I don't think he can win the job because it's a grueling thing to run for president.

It's really hard. I never said, yeah. Well, they can't do what he did last. time gives there was a pandemic, stay in his basement. Yes, he can. No one gives a shit about that. The chattering classes will talk about it, and the public will be, what do I care? I don't want to watch this all the time anyway. I didn't need to see him every day.

He doesn't need to go around the country. Stay where you are. Every once in a while, make a speech like this. Yeah. You know, right. Trump proved in 2016, he saved all his money and put one big ad at the end.

end. And people liked it better. Right. They weren't sick of them. And I also think the chattering class needs to change how they think about Biden. Personally, I like that he's an old guy, right? Because a young guy is always thinking, oh, what's my next move? What am I going to do after this? What's my, you know, what's my next stop?

Biden's next stop is heaven. That this is a guy trying to do as much possible good as he can before FDR taps him on the shoulder and says, look, I got Kennedy and Lincoln waiting in the car. Come on. Listen, I'm, of course, I'm a, you know, a working member of the press. So, of course, I'm going to disagree with this. I think he should be doing more interviews.

He should be doing press conferences. He should actually be facing the press. No. No, he should. Why not? Why do you say no to that, though? Because he fucks up. Well.

Come on. That's a terrible strategy. It's a bat. This was great. It was on the teleprompter. And once in a while, they played right into his hands. You know, if somebody heckles him, he could riff because he's not. too feeble to do that.

But being on the campaign, I mean, come on, one bad piece of fish. One slip on the ice, one slip of the tongue, which he does all the time. I mean, they'll just... But that doesn't inspire confidence. And people want to feel confident. I don't think they care.

You don't think they care. I don't think they care. Just very strategically see him every once in a while in a good light. That's what they would do if it was a show business. Right. Right. Right.

It's the president. And the longer... And the longer he's out of... You're right, it is show business, but the longer that he's out of the public eye, the more the right-wing media ecosystem can continue to create the perception that he's a zombie hiding,

and there are faceless bureaucrats and lanyards that are running the country. I think he needs to be out there more. I think it's better to have them say your zombie than to look like one. But, okay. So one other things on this week, This struck me.

He said, political violence has no place in America. And the reaction from the Republicans was... Yeah. Really, we can't applaud that. There were so many moments that were just strange. I know. Didn't you feel like it was just weird? Well, I mean, poor Kamala having to get up and down.

It reminded me of church when I was a kid. Always having to get up and down, et cetera. But that was on purpose. Look how healthy I am. I can get up. I can get up. I can do squats. I'm ready.

I'm ready. But political violence has no place in America, and both parties can't applaud that. I mean, I don't know where you could go past there. Well, and that's got to be the strategy for winning, is that we understand now that Trump has a stranglehold on the right, all right? They're gone, and they're all going to come out for him. So we need to make sure that we come out for our.

guy. And that's what's so critical. Stop criticizing him. Stop making fun of them. Stop trying to play both sides. Well, maybe. No, if you want to live, it's like De Niro said. If you want to live in the world Biden is fighting for, then we need to fight for Biden.

I think eventually people will, even if they don't like him. So. On the other topic about, like, seeing him more, I think the more you see him, even if he does mess up, you'll see him so much that it won't matter as much. In the same way where Trump is out there all the time,

like tongue-tied, twisted, calling Nikki Haley, Nancy Pelosi. It's so much. You're just like, oh, it's just, it's there. Whereas, like, you only see Biden so infrequently that you're kind of like, you can only remember, oh, the last time he came out. Oh, I see. He called the Mexican president, the Egyptian president.

And it, like, is the last... Do it every day. Yes. And then everyone's like, oh, that's just old Joe, you know? So you mentioned Nikki Hallie? I mean, the Super Tuesday, she got out of the race. I don't think there's a future for her in the Republican Party now, at least as long as Trump is ascended,

and that looks like it's going to be for a while. I know it's crazy to think that she could run with Biden, but that's my dream. A unity ticket, and then he would, I think, definitely win because nobody's going to, and of course she said some crazy things. Most politicians have not as crazy as we've never been a racist country. I mean, that's pretty crazy. Wow.

But you would literally destroy the Democratic base. I mean, take off the first African-American female vice president. She's a woman of color. Blank, wink. Yeah, but it's just like black women are like the core of the Democratic Party. I mean. What about, okay, so not that. Mitt Romney as Secretary of State.

Something to reach across so that we don't live in this world where we are just, where everybody sees the other side, as an existential threat. That's what Biden can do. Hopefully, when he wins, you can have a unity cabinet, right? You can have moderate Republicans from the other side,

because that will also send a message to Republicans that if you defy Trump, you're not lost in the wilderness. Come on in, there's room for everybody, and that would be great. But they are. Like, I don't know anyone who has survived Trump. I mean, no one survives Trump.

When he comes out against you, if you are an elected official, you get a primary challenger, and you lose every single time. And it's just like no one survives Trump. So maybe, yeah, you sit it out and then you hope that Biden brings you into the cabinet the next time around?

Now that he's vanquished Nikki, I mean, if he wins, who in the Republican Party is left to say no to him? I can't think of a single person. I can't think of a single person. I mean, Liz Cheney has gone and Mitt Romney is gone.

Adam Kinsinger is gone. Yeah, they're all gone. This is it. No one who would not embrace the authoritarianism. Yeah, all our, all our fantasies about primaries, they're all done, all right? This is what we got.

We either have really sweet, nice, wise Santa Claus old man or we have syphilis Al Capone old man. That's it. We think that's syphilis for sure, right? Has that been determined? With either with Al Capone or Donald Trump.

I think both have been proven. Yeah, yeah. So let's talk about foreign affairs for a minute. Your new book is about China? It's a new short story, and it's about the coming, well, not, hopefully, not coming war with China. But it does touch on the fact that whether we like it or not, there is a new Cold War. It's here. We're late to the party, but it has been happening for the last few years.

But it's not capitalism versus communism. It is democracy versus autocracy. And that's it. And the democracies are lining up behind us. We're team captain and the autocracies are lining up behind China. They are the team captain. and we need to understand that. More so than Russia.

Oh, no, no, no. Russia's going to be a vassal of China. China is the engine. They're the economy. They're the population. This is why I say that Biden, thank God, for the first time in 20 years, we have the right man in the right place in the right time. Because he will do what about this? Because what he's doing right now,

he understands that when you're in a clash of true civilizations, it has to be all in. It's called wholeness of nation. That's got to be the strategy. That was the strategy in the two world wars. It was a strategy in the Cold War. And what that boils down to is we have to invest in every sector of our society to make sure every American can be the best they can be.

Because we're never going to match China quantity for quantity, right? We are Ukraine versus Russia in that. We have to match their quantity with our quality. Or a lot of the evil things that they do. I mean, just the facial recognition alone. Just that's kind of security state. Forget about what they're doing to the Uyghurs, but Uyghurs but don't forget about it. Right.

And one of the silly things that the left did, because everything had to be about race in this country, was conflating. Any time you criticize China, you're a racist because they're not white. Oh, really? That happened to me. That happened to me. I literally had another book coming out a few years ago when I was talking to my British publishers, and I had given an interview about Taiwan and criticizing the Chinese Communist Party, and they said, well, you know, we've got to be careful about Asian hate. And I said, whoa. Right.

You're just saying that Xi Jinping speaks for all Asian people. FYI, the Taiwanese are Chinese too. And you're playing right into his hands because he's going to scream racism every step of the way. That's also where our diversity comes into play. We have a lot of awesome Americans of Chinese descent who can be loud and proud and say, no, no, no, we're not in a conflict with the Chinese people.

It's that guy at the top and his party. They're the evil that we need to stand against. Okay. We'll have to wrap it up there. Are we entertaining you too? Thank you. Time for Neurl. Okay.

New Rule, golf influencer, Paige Sparonic, has to tell us, what's your secret? I mean, with 3.9 million Instagram followers, those golf tips must be incredible. Pathetic. You know what?

I don't need to get my erotic kicks pretending I care about golf. That's why I watch the Weather Channel. Neural, now that Macy's says it's closing 150 stores, they have to tell us one thing. where? Where did you hide them? Behind Sears?

I have an idea. Don't close Macy's. Just take everything off the racks, throw it on the floor, and call it T.J. Max. Neural, now that Jason Kelsey has some free time, because he's retired from football, he has to solve mysteries. Mystery number... Mystery number... Mystery number one. Where's your mouth? Do you even have one, or is it just more beard? The last time I was looking for lips

through this much hair, it was 1972 and I was losing my virginity. Speaking of mysteries, New Rule, now that Amelia Earhart's plane may have been found, let's agree the only mystery left in the world is, who still uses red box? Let me get this straight.

Instead of streaming a library of films from the comfort of my own home, I can drive to 7-Eleven, step over a junkie, and shove my hand in a rusty, Spencer for a DVD? Well, count me in. Why Netflix and chill

when I can red box and tetan? New rules, someone has to explain to me how women got saddled with March as Women's History Month. 31 straight days telling women you are valued, you are appreciated, and you are seen, followed immediately by April Fool's.

Okay. And finally, new rules, since award season wraps up this Sunday with the Oscars, after which we take a year off to replenish the world supply of OZemPEC. It's time to welcome back Real Time's own award show, the Cajonies, the award show

that recognizes those who at the risk of their reputations and livelihoods have fought back against cancel culture, whether it comes from the left or the right. Tonight, from Hollywood, the second annual Cajonies Awards, honoring outstanding achievement in growing a pair. And now, here's your host, Bill Maher.

Thank you, and welcome to the Gajonies. I'll be your host for the next four and a half hours, and tonight, we've got a lot of anxious nominees hoping to get their hands on my balls. So let's get right to it. Our first Gahonies goes to Dartmouth University President Cian Baylock, who reinstated standardized testing and admissions, and by bringing back the SAT made a clear and brave statement.

It's not racist to test if high school students no shit. But if you're stupid, don't panic. Harvard, Stanford, and Princeton are still test optional. Yes, it's a great time to be a dumbass, but not at Dartmouth. So, Cian, for bringing back testing,

you get these testes. Our next award goes to Rosie Blair, who had been a plus-sized body positivity influence. but then, like Leah Remini, leaving Scientology, realized that obesity wasn't a positive at all. In fact, it sucks. And lost over 60 pounds, which for our British viewers is the equivalent

of losing Victoria Beckham. But not everyone was happy with Rosie's choice, and the response from the people who are so against body shaming was to scream, shame! But Rosie refused to be bullied and said, I have zero remorse for being public about my weight loss, years ago, I couldn't wipe my own ass. We'll skip the handshake, but for standing up for

health of ideologically driven insanity, this award is for you. Our next Cahoney goes to California State Senate Leader Tony Atkins, because eight years ago, California did a real California thing and banned business travel from any of its state employees to any state in America where the laws about gender identity and expression weren't up to California standards.

forgetting that no one is ever up to California standards. Which meant that any Cali state worker, from congressman to college football coaches, weren't allowed to visit on business half the country, evil totalitarian police states like Iowa. But Tony Atkins said, having grown up lesbian in the South, I know from personal experience growing up in a rural community

where it is more conservative, that the way to change people's minds is to have direct contact. polarization is not working. So last year, California repealed the band. We can trade with Ohio again. So, Tony, these cahones are for you, which you can display on your mantle ironically.

Our next award goes to Garth Rooks, who sings country music, so naturally he owns a bar. And naturally, last year, he got a lot of shit for continuing to serve Bud Light, because as we all know, it makes you gay or worse tolerant. But it took guts for Garth

to not throw Bud Light under the bus because country singers are beholden to Red State fans. It's why there's no song called She Thinks My Prius is sexy. But Garth just said, if you're an asshole, there are plenty of other places to go. And that he wasn't going to stop

selling a certain beer because a trans woman once touched a can. For reminding us that there's also a cancel culture mob on the right, Garth, here are two more friends that hang in low places. And finally tonight, the Cahoney's Lifetime Achievement Award

for Excellence in Not Giving a Fuck. This year goes to J.K. Rowling, who's famous for two things, a massive transfer of wealth from the world's children to her checking account. And for being endlessly vilified for refusing to Ben Meney

and kow to the one true opinion that a biological woman and a trans woman are completely indistinguishable in every way. I'm sorry, to hear that kids, feel free to call a suicide hotline or post an angry TikTok. When a trans woman was convicted recently of murder and torturing cats, Rowling was incensed that Sky News and other British media would not include in their reporting

that this person was transgender and so tweeted, these are not our crimes. I'm so sick of this shit. And I don't blame her. How many biological women torture cats? None. It's a guy thing. Just like murder is mostly a guy thing. The fact that a person committed it while wearing a wig and lipstick is irrelevant. But what's not a guy thing is having balls.

And lady, you got them. All right, that's our show. That's our show. I'll be at the center for performing arts in San Jose, April 20th. The Eccles in Salt Lake City, April 21st, and Arizona Financial Field in Phoenix, May 4th. I want to thank Max Brooks. Tara Palmeri and Robert Deiro.

Now I've got to watch overtime on CNN at 1130 and catch it sunny. Good morning on YouTube. Thank you, folks. Catch all new episodes of real-time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.

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