Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #700: Dave Barry, Rep. Wesley Hunt, Paul Begala

Episode Date: June 21, 2025

Bill’s guests are Dave Barry, Rep. Wesley Hunt, Paul Begala (Originally aired 6/20/25) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Late Night series Real Time with Bill Maher. to the floral khaki for summer. It's really... Why are they still here? I'm not sure. I guess to protect the immigration agents who are... Did you see this yesterday? They

try to pull off a rate on Dodger Stadium. I'm not kidding. Dodger Stadium. One thing we will not stand for in America, it is Latinos and baseball. Yeah. And the National Guard is still here? Yeah.

A lot of security here in L.A. Appeals court ruled that Trump can keep them here pretty much indefinitely. And I think the National Guard is... I think the L.A. lifestyle is going to their head. I understand, before they put a rate on Home Depot, they call TMZ first. Tell them that coming. But, of course, the really big news is that this is our 700th episode. episode.

It's hard to believe. I know. I, of course, started as a child star. But 22 years ago, 22, wow. Back then, by the way, if the Arabs wanted to surprise the president with a plane, they flew it into the Pentagon. I'm just saying things have changed a lot. Well, maybe they haven't changed so much. It's still all about the Mideast, isn't it?

I mean, there's a war going on now between Iran and Israel. And it's interesting. It's really split the MAGA coalition, the Trump people. Half of them want to bomb Iran. They always did. And half of them want to just stay out of all foreign wars. And everybody there just wishes that it was something morally clear cut, like deporting five-year-olds. Irony, that's what we do here.

I don't know. Not really for... You know, 22 years. But talk about a cliffhanger. We're off now for the next month, our summer break, and we, you know, boy, season-ending cliffhanger, this war, we don't know what's going to happen. I mean, nobody wants Iran to get a nuclear weapon.

And, of course, the Israelis took out everything in Iran, except the facility that can build a nuclear weapon. Well, because it's inside a mountain. And listen to this, America is the only country that has a bomb that can reach it, and it weighs 30,000 pounds and can only be flown there by Tom Cruise. To make it even more of a cliffhanger, we can't just give the bomb to Israel because we also are the only country that has the plane that can deliver this fucking thing. And it is quite a plane.

Pete Hegseth has already given it a name the Anola Strait. Oh, Pete. Pete Hanks said Pete's in hot water because did you see the parade he's in charge of the Defense Department and Trump had his big military parade last Saturday and it was kind of lameo and Pete was in charge and you know

well you put on a military parade at least do it right the whole point of it is kind of scared the shit out of people that were a big more Americans were frightened by Kendrick Lamar's Super Bowl halftime show are you kidding? This did not look Oh, listen to this.

Yesterday was Juneteenth, right? So Trump, President Trump, tweeted, or truth, whatever he does there on the phone. Here was his comment on Juneteeth. There are too many non-working holidays in America. Now, stop honoring the end of slavery and get back to work. Right. Trump... Trump once called himself the least racist person in the world.

I've got to say, the runner-up guy must be a doozy. But, of course, it all balances out because the Trump family, proprietors of shit-coin cryptocurrency, Bibles that they sell, watches, and mail-order meats now have In addition to all that, they this week announced they are selling a gold cell phone. I have never seen a presidency with more commercials. I'm just going to say that. And if you'd like to, you can order this phone now.

Operators are standing by. All sales are final. You just can't get it because it doesn't exist. But when you go to the website, they just have a drawing of a phone. They don't have a phone. They have concepts of the phone. I've got to say, when P.T. Barnum sold tickets to see

the bearded lady. At least there was a bearded lady. All right. We have a great show. We have Paul Magala and Congressman Wesley Hunt. But first up, he is a Pulitzer Prize winning columnist. His new book is called Class Clown. The memoirs of professional wise ass.

How I went 77 years without growing up. Dave Barry is over here. Hey, Barry How are you? Great to see you. Good to see you, too, man. Been too long.

For a while. You always look the same. 77 years old, and you still have the dentist, the menace haircut. They worked on this. They worked on it backstage, man. That is unbelievable. Yeah, well, I mean, I thought about going, you know, straight back. Don't.

You know? Have you ever thought about bangs using bang? You know? Me, bang? You would have no credibility at all. No, no. I'm not... You know, we're just different dudes. You know, like, that works for you.

It wouldn't work for me. But I don't know that it really works for me. I think my wife kind of revealed to me after 30-something years the other day that she would like it better if I slicked it straight back, like you. She didn't use your name, but... But she did sort of say that, you know, so I don't know, man.

Well, I got to tell you, the fact that you wrote a memoir, It's just good news for all of us who've always enjoyed your writing so much. Thank you. It's just so much fun because, you know, you wrote about everything else for your whole life. You know, you wrote about a guy who married an alligator or whatever the fuck was going on in Florida.

But this is about you. I'm going to ask you the same question. I asked a few people who've been here with memoirs of a certain age. Barry Diller was here recently. Like, when you're 77 and you write a memoir, this is why I don't want to do it. at some point? Because doesn't it feel like I'm saying my life is over?

But it is. Yeah, okay. 77 is, it's not, I mean, it's the new 74. It's not like, but it's, it is old and you can't, like, you can't pretend it's not old, you know? So, I mean, when am I going to write it? When I'm dead?

No, you know? Well, you could not write it at all, so I'm saying. I'm always about tomorrow, but I mean, when I look back, your life, what a life I mean, you're a guy who, a comic, really, because you're just more than a humorous. They say that, but when you laugh out loud, which you make people do, and me, that's a comic, okay?

A comic who's won a Pulitzer Prize. Had a sitcom about him that was on for quite a while with Harry Anderson as you, and has been in a band with Stephen King for your whole life. But not a good band. We play our genre We call it hard listening music We're not

We're not Nobody I should stress There's a lot of good authors in his band Stephen King's in and Amy Tan Scott Thoreau Mitch and Mitch out a bunch of But and we raise money for charities

But no charity ever asks us to come back You know what I mean Even Well one thing I loved reading about In your book Because I know bits of your life would come through in your columns, but this is really about your life.

I never knew that much about your childhood. Anybody our age, you know, I'm almost 70, our childhoods were so interchangeable. I feel like that's something that kids today don't have. Like we could, I mean, you grew up in Armank, New York. So did I, even though I didn't. But we did. Your house was my house.

I'm sure it was. I'm talking about, first of all, I'm talking about the white kids. Let's be out. Was your town all white? Yes. So it was mine. And this is the East Coast.

This ain't Alabama. Yeah. These were the liberals of the day. Yes. So don't get too, you know, snooty about that. We were the good white people. Yeah. But, you know, you went to a high school called Pleasantville?

Pleasantville? So did I, even though it wasn't. Were you elected class clown of your... I was not, I was, I felt my, I was more the class wit. The class clown would like throw spitballs. No, no, no. But it was a wise ass, I will say. A wise ass, but did you do anything physical?

Never. Well, then you were a wit. Okay. But I was disrupting. I got told more than once, like, that's very funny, but you can't joke your way through life, which turns out to be inaccurate. No, you're not. No, no, you, uh, once you, uh, once you caught on.

with a newspaper. And that's another thing I'm going to say that is so great when I was remembering that era when newspapers were king. Kids, do you know what a newspaper? I mean, it's, you know, they get their news on TikTok now. And, of course, we're talking about the heyday, the 80s, the 90s. Is it just made, or was it time really a lot gentler than it is now? Much, much. Okay. I mean, it's, everybody has gotten, more vicious. Everybody has gotten more determined to savage the other side. And the days when a guy like Art Buckwold was the beloved

humorist and Johnny Carr, we're sounding like old farts here, but it's true. You know, that they were laughing at both with everybody. And everybody laughed and people they were making fun of laughed at him. And it wasn't like, oh, he scored points against the wrong team. You can't do it. So we've lost that. I don't remember anybody using the word existential. You know, about the other side. No, right.

How many existential crises have we been in? And, right. And, you know, I remember we spent maybe two whole years obsessing about Clinton's blow job. Good time. Good times. Good times. But I just...

I miss those blow jobs. I mean, not... Not the way it sounds, but, you know. I just want to point out to get... The biggest round of applause we've gotten so far is for blowjobs. Maybe if you slick back your hair, you'll start getting them again. But do you, I mean, you stopped the weekly column in like 20 years ago. 20, 2005.

And it is a demanding mistress, as is a TV show. I mean, it's a mistress I love. We didn't get hiatuses for like 14 weeks in our country. Not 14 weeks. We will be back. August first. Oh, okay. But you must miss it on some level.

I did, and I started writing a substack, as did every other, if ex-journalists in the free world. But I was glad to get out of the rat race for at least a while. Yeah. And what about running? I mean, you ran as a libertarian. Oh, yeah. I ran for president multiple times.

Multiple times. And it used to be considered kind of a joke, but not so much anymore. I'm thinking, I'm looking pretty good right now. I think I have a genuine shot next time around. I mean. Thank you. Well, job. I'm a natural.

I see you are. Well, you're only 77. Biden proved age doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all. Doesn't matter at all. No. But what else? I mean, you must, you've got to look forward in life.

Podcasting, maybe? No. That's everybody's doing. I'm doing a subsection, which is the other thing that everybody's doing. Yeah. And this show, this is like pretty much the highlight for me. But boy, why not podcasting? You seem like you'd be a natural.

Because I mean, you have to talk. And I'm better when I'm sitting down, you know, coming up, joke, joke, joke. Then I am, well, if you're asking me questions, it's okay. But if I had to think of what to say. I mean, look at all the fucking laughs you got here today. Damn. All right. Well, whatever you do, I will remain your biggest friend.

Thank you. Dave Barry, everybody. All right. Thank you, Dave. Let's meet our panel. Hey, guys. All right. He is a Democratic strategist and CNN political contributor, Paul Bagala, back with us. And he is a Republican congressman representing a 30th district of Texas.

Congressman Wesley Hunt, Congressman. Great to see you. Thank you for having, sir. Yes, sir. All right, I'm not going to have a big lead-in question today. I'm just going to say we're thinking about bombing Iran or thinking about joining that war. The Republicans are split over it,

so you can imagine what the rest of the country is, but let's, let me just get a yes or no answer. No, screwing around. Should America bomb the nuclear facility in Iran or not? Go. Oh, come on now, Bill. We've got to have a little more bigger than that, sir. Come on.

Yes or no. That's a yes or no question. Trump says he's spending two weeks. It's always two weeks. He's thinking about it for two weeks. but he says he also is demanding unconditional surrender I mean come on this is what we're deciding should we bomb or rent should we get involved on Israel's side

Trump is already using the word we when he talks about we like we took out there he didn't do anything so far should we get involved we only we're the only ones with the bomb the only ones who can do it yes or no let me get to this so no hold on hold on this is this is a far more robust conversation that. Hold on. Hold on. What I really want to point out is the difference in the Republican Party that we had 30 years ago. If Cheney were in charge right now 30 years ago, we would already

have boots on the ground in Iran and surrounding Iran right now. So at the end of the day, I want people to understand how far we have come as a party. We want peace in the Middle East. President Trump is one that brought us the Abraham Accords. He has said repeatedly that Iran should not have a nuclear weapon and President Trump does not want to put boots on. on the ground. No, and everyone agrees with all that. So 60 days ago, he gave the Iatollah warning. He said, hey, look, you know, you got 60 days to wrap this up.

And if you don't, you're going to play stupid games. You're going to win stupid prizes. Look at how well that worked with Putin. We know what happened. We know what happened with our Baghdaddy, though. And imagine waking up every day wondering if you're going to eat a missile for breakfast. This is how this man negotiates, and this is exactly what we're going through right now. This is a negotiating tactic to get peace.

no boots on the ground, and you cannot have a nuclear weapon, like Denzel Washington said in Training Day. Do you want to go home or do you want to go to jail? All right. Well, you get this season's award for best avoidance of the answer. Look, I advised a president, and the most important thing with the presidents isn't even answers as the question. It's the first question, should we? We don't want Iran to have a nuclear weapon, but have we exhausted every non-military option? I think that answer to that is no, but I'm not privy to all the intel.

Second, can we? Will this bomb work? This GBU 57, this 30,000 pounds? Probably, but there are some. I saw Admiral Mike Mullen the other day saying, you're not entirely sure. No one knows. Right. It's a mountain.

We're attacking a mountain. But this is the question that the president has to ask, and I know he's watching. Mr. President, ask your team, what happens a day after? That's a question President needs to. ask, what happens the day after? And are we ready? And I know the answer to that is no. Right? Why? Because this president has diverted resources away from intelligence, away from counterterrorism, away from homeland security, and all toward deportations. He seems to think the greatest threat to America is a guy with a leafblower in Encino, not a guy with a suicide

vests in that happen. We are not ready for this. Military. We have to disagree. We have a bit on this. And that is somebody that has somebody that has fought in wars as somebody that's a Westbourne grad. My brother and sister are also West Point graduates. There's six years in military service in my family. We have to be very careful with how we handle this. We have to measure once and cut twice. Because if we don't handle this right, then we're going to end up putting boots on the ground. And this is exactly what President Trump ran on for decades. He has been saying we should not be putting our soldiers at risk unless it is absolutely necessary. So that's why this can't be a binary conversation.

A lot of people would say Iran getting a bomb is about as necessary as it gets. And that's why President Trump has committed to Iraq. on not having a bomb. Even today, the president was asked, your intelligence team says they're not very close to getting a bomb, and he said, I don't believe him. Well, if you don't believe your own intelligence team, get a new one. I mean, what the hell? You spend billions and billions of dollars to try to give that man that answer. And this is the problem is, he says he's going to take two weeks. I like that, by the way. I'd rather take two weeks and think it through. But who's he talking to? You know, at least in the first term,

He had General McMaster. He had General Kelly. He had General Mattis. He had serious national security professionals. I didn't support his agenda, but he had serious people with him. This team? Are you kidding? You're serious.

IKEA's got better cabinets than Trump does. I think he's talking to, like, four people. One of them is the head of the Joint Chiefs. I assume he's fairly serious. One of them is John Ratcliffe, head of the CIA. He's not serious? Not terribly. Okay.

I'm sorry. He's a former congressman from Texas. I love Congress from Texas, Wesley. Well, thank you. Appreciate it, sir. I think. You can look it out. But he did cut out Pete, Hegseth, and Tulsey. So the children are out on the kids' table.

Okay, so they're not in the room. Let me ask you. Go ahead. Okay, and so why have them? Why have a director of national intelligence you don't listen to? Why have a Pentagon chief that you don't talk to? Casting. Right.

Because they're cast. So we are, we're forgetting one thing, though. We are so forgetting one thing, that President Trump was president before, and we didn't have an issue with Iran. And the reason why is because, well, Iran was broke, and it is time for us to unleash American energy and continue to fight wars against our enemies by ensuring that our allies have the energy from us made in this country,

so they can't rely on Iran and Venezuela and Russia. This is how we have to fight wars in the future. So the reason why he can say this is because he's done us for four years already. I know you love him. I'll say... I think he's... No, no. Let me say one thing. about this in defense of him, which is that

he is hardly the first president to cut out people in his own cabinet. Presidents have done this before. They lose faith, and you just don't get in the room, even though you have a big title. You just people, presidents have their kitchen cabinets. Within one year, Bill Clinton fired his defense secretaries. First year.

Let's ask him, he did a bad job. He fired his ass. That's what you do. You said it one year. It's been five months. It's a shit show. It always is. But we are putting our lives in the hands of P. Hague Seth and And deportation Barbie and Tulsi Gabby. I'm sorry.

Let me ask you this. Because I know, I think, of all the people in Congress, I think you're the one who is most always backing whatever Trump does. Yes, sir. Biennue at board of Via Rai. Embarked and profite. Embarked and relax. Syrotay.

Bookine. Oh, that also. And profite. VIA Rai, the voice that we love. Okay. With this decision about Iran, is it really predicated on how you feel about Trump? In other words, whatever,

because the Republican Party is split about this. Ted Cruz and Tucker Carlson, who usually would be agreeing on everything, had a real housewives fight the other day. About this, because Tucker Carlson is on a side which you were expressing before, a lot of Republicans, love Trump because he is like, we don't get involved with foreigners.

That's not us. America first. And then there's a lot of Republicans who are like, oh, no, we got a bomb Iran because that's, you know, the enemy of Israel, and Israel is where you know who's going to come back to Earth. This to me is a between a political party and a cult. Cults are by what the person does and parties are what ideas. I think, you know, I'm going to make my decision based on the ideas, I feel like some people do it just by the person. Whatever Trump does, you're going to go along with, right? I think what you're seeing is a- You would never disagree.

No, that's certain things we disagree on, but here's the thing. What you're seeing is a healthy debate, but to your previous question, what you're seeing is a healthy debate between two pieces of our party, and I think it's actually a very good thing. You know, I've been in House of Representatives, and over the course of the past 20 years, the Democrats, have had one Speaker of the House, and that was Nancy Pelosi before Hakeem Jeffries.

We've had five. People in our party actually will debate, We will actually look at a person and say, you know what, we don't like this, let's have a healthy debate, and let's move on. You want to talk about no kings and no queens. I mean, having one speaker of the House for 20 years or something else. So you're seeing this open up in our party again. You have two factions, you have two pieces of the party that care about each other immensely. Let's let this play out.

Let's talk about it and then let the president make the ultimate choice. Was the fact that he had an assassination attempt and survived it. And look, I've heard idiots on the left say to me, Bill, you know that was staged. Yeah, that wasn't staged. No, it was not staged. That would be ridiculous because the guy behind him got shot. Right. And we don't really see if you care about that guy anymore.

But anyway, they did try to shoot him, and he did survive it. And I know a lot of Republicans think that is determinative. They think God saved him, and therefore he cannot make a wrong move. Is that where you believe? Well, it wasn't just that. It wasn't just that you guys had a really bad candidate in Kamala Harris. You know, people also have to understand is that that was, one of the most undemocratic things I've ever seen.

What you did was you took Joe Biden, you put him in a room, put on Golden Girls, gave him some chocolate, chocolate chip ice cream. And then by the time he walked out, he was no longer running for president. He had no idea what was going on. So when you combine that with a candidate that not a single Democrat voted for in that primary, it creates a disaster. That's another big reason why President Trump won is because the Democrat Party lost faith in the American people because they broke the process

in order to get the right candidate to actually run for president. I want to come back to this point you made about a cultural. personality because I think you're right. When Donald Trump was the most against TikTok, and I try, I can't stand a guy, but I try, I thought he's right about that. I think, I, TikTok is Chinese communist, I don't like it. He was against it. And every mega guy I knew was against it. Then he met with a TikTok billionaire. He's all for TikTok, and they're all for it now. It's like, come on, they're still Chinese communist. He, but he will win. Whichever side he chooses, his team will, his base will come along with him. This is Mosu. He's also, he's also in

charge. We have a leader in our party. Who's the leader in your party? Well, you just said it was bad. Hold on, no, no, no, but not for 20 years. So we have somebody that is absolutely our leader of the party. It is Donald Trump, but we are actually behind him. Who is your leader? Is it going to be Bernie Sanders? Is it going to be AOC? Is it going to be Jasmine Crockett? Are you kidding me? Anybody who gets in the way of the dear leader, I remember when Roger Ells and Fox News took him on, he crushed them. I remember when Elon Musk a few weeks ago took him on, Trump crushed them. So whatever Trump does, I guess if I was advising him as a political advisor, I'd say, sir, whatever you do, they're going to be with you.

So figure out what the right thing to do is. In that sense, he's free. It's only about 35% of the country, but it's about 65% of the Republican Party. They will do anything the dear leader says, and that's terrifying. But for Trump, it ought to give him some space to be able to, you know, do or not do what he thinks is best. You know what my issue is with him. It's like, I've said this, and I said this way before, I had dinner at the same table. like he does not always have bad ideas

sometimes he has ideas you agree right of course i mean like close the border or get order on the border and like get the gangs out of the country and make europe pay for their own defense and you know go back to equality instead of always equity and universities are out of control a lot of these things but what i can always depend on that administration do is to reliably fuck up the execution

Doge You know, like all these things I can All these issues I've mentioned You know Should we see if the government has too much bloat and fat in it? Yes, but reliably, like clockwork Like you could depend on it They will fuck up the execution

Just like they did with the parade Like do I think it was a good idea To have a parade? No, but if you're going to do it If you're going to have a vaguely fascist parade Do it right Yeah, in his first time He did two things that were

Right. Honestly. Two things are great. The first room, warp speed. He created the best vaccine in the world faster than anybody else for COVID. The COVID vaccine. And then he now never talks about it, and his team all renounces. He puts a guy in charge of the health department who's a vaccine skeptic, to say the least. Right? He never talks about the best thing he ever did. The other thing he did was the U.S.MCA, updated NAFTA, U.S.-Mexico trade deal. What did he do the first time he comes back? He blows that up, too. So even the stuff that he does that is good, you're right. He just destroyed. I don't understand why. It would take the entire staff of the Harvard School of Psychology to explain to me. Let's talk, but I do want to say something about that parade. I want to say something about the parade to offer another opinion from our side of this whole thing,

and that is it was the 250th birthday of our United States Army. As I said, thank you very much. And somebody that served this nation has an Apache pilot, again, my brother and sister going to West Point, six years in military service, mostly in the Army. My great-great-grandfather fought in the Civil War. fought in a civil war. And you know what I saw? I saw the president salute the Corps of Cadets as they walked past him. I watched them salute the 75th Ranger Regiment as they walked past them. I sat there and watched the fireworks behind the Washington

monument. And you know what I thought? Damn, that's absolutely outstanding. And it's far better than Joe Biden checking his watch when bodies were being returned to Dover. Okay, wait a minute. This is a, hold on. This is a contrast that we were talking about and why you lost. Because we are talking about a man that's talking about patriotism. And in parades like that, when I was growing up, I served because I used to go at these parades and watch my dad participate in them. I saw the Black Hawk's landing. I visited my sister at West Point. I said, by God, I want to serve this country too. And so the dichotomy of what we're seeing with President Trump and his patriotism saluting the flag, actually making an effort. Rather you like it or agree with execution, the effort is there. That's all we want to see.

Execution does matter. First of all, thank you for your story. Bill, I mean that. I say that everybody always had for 22 years. for 20 years. Yes, absolutely. I'm always behind the military and nobody compares to the military. Everybody says that they're brave, they're brave. Oh, you're so brave. Military, that's who's brave. And cops and firefighters and people like that, but mostly the military. But I got to ask you this as far as like, again, good ideas.

Here's another thing I think is a good idea that he has. Yes, we should love our country more. The left is way too down on this country. But the execution, as always, I don't understand. understand it. I don't understand some of the things he does in support of that idea of America. You know, do you think it's right? He had a poster that we put out last week. Uncle Sam wants you to turn in foreign invaders. Do you think that's right? Turn in foreign invaders? He's talking about basically immigrants who come here and take jobs. So do you know what they want to give

them? So you talk about let's get back to the beginning. We don't want to turn. You want citizens turning on each other like that? You talk about big ideas. You want to big ideas. Running for president 2016 and winning and then losing. Do you want to know what even bigger ideas? Oh, you say he lost? Coming. Good. Good. No, no. Hold on. Hold on. No. We can get on that. No. The point I'm making is the big idea, the big idea, and then lose the election, then coming back, and then returning, and then becoming the president again, because he's the president as we live and breathe, those are some pretty big ideas. Those are the

biggest ideas that you could ever have in America. That is an in a few. fact the American dream. He's executed very well, and he's one of two people in the history of this great nation to ever serve as president twice after not winning his, after not winning re-election. Those are big ideas. I want to come back to this notion about Trump in the military and about

President Biden, whose son served and enlisted something Donald Trump's son never did. Donald Trump went to a military school for high school. Okay, but he didn't serve. He avoided service in Vietnam. He said he had bones spurs. Then he said, avoiding STDs was his Vietnam. Then he

he said John McCain was not a war hero. Then he said troops are suckers and losers and are war dead. Yes, he did. He was going to World War I cemetery. My grandfather fought in World War I and was wounded in Europe for this country. And I honor your service and I honor his and Trump pisses on

our veterans and our military. No, he does not. No, he does not. And I'm asking you, I'm asking you a question. If that is the case, that's the case, if that is the case, December, January, February, we've seen the highest recruiting numbers for the military than we've seen as years. Why is that the case? You could say

that all you want, but I am somebody that has served, and the people that are in my ranks overwhelmingly look at President Trump, and they say, if I really want somebody that's going to defend us and put us in harm's way. If necessary, I would absolutely take President Trump over Joe Biden. So why does he stab him in the back? These are then. Well, then if that's the case, then why do we have record recruiting right now? All right, please. The show is not about it. No, really. Oh, no. I just want... No, it is. And it always has been, and we love it.

And we, I'm going to start 700 show. I wanted to just pause to say, first of all, thank you for my incredible staff, who's here every morning, whatever. Oh, incredible. Morning, whatever that is. And to HBO, which is put up with me for all these years. And to the audience, who's been so loyal. We're going to take a month off in theories.

We'll be back on August 1st. And whenever we take a month, what we do is we give you the future headlines, because the headlines are so predictable these days with the way the news is. This is what we always do. We're going to take a break. So would you like to see the future headlines? There they are. Future headlines.

This is what you're going to be read in the next month. Gen Z are shocked to learn their phones make calls. Heartbroken Elon Musk stands outside White House with boombox. Oh, that's... Ocean fish found to contain more plastic than plastic fish. Travis Kelsey draws line at buying tampons. America's Got Talent announces America officially out of town. Madonna marries Mexican who stood on Flaming Waymo.

Oh, well, that's inevitable. Diddy goes to prison, has freak off and sell block D. Y'all. And ICE mistakenly deports Marco Rubio. Well, there's... All right. All right. So I have to bring up a very unfortunate club

that has formed in America, and that is politicians who have been shot at. Because we saw this last week. There was two more people. And their spouses, by the way, in Minnesota who were shot by somebody. Just yesterday now, we have a new one. Memphis mayor.

He was... Somebody came to his door. The people go right to their houses now. His statement was, the link between angry online rhetoric and real-life violence is becoming undeniable. I would agree with that. I mean, we saw, remember, Gabby Gifford got shot, Steve Scalise, so it can happen on both sides. Paul Pelosi in his home. This is becoming routine now.

Do we say that both parties are equally guilty? Because when I think about January 6th and pardoning all the people who were involved in that, insurrection or whatever you want to call it. Insurrection. How do you have insurrection with no guns, though? That's like having it. That's like making coffee. They brought tons of guns.

It's just a... Well, there's 400 guns currently... 40 million guns currently on circulation. One person was killed that day. It was Ashley Babbage. She was a white unarmed person that was killed by a black capital police officer. Imagine if that had been the other way around. When I think of an insurrection, I was a war fighter or somebody that has seen some real nasty stuff.

Hold on When I think about that What people have to understand Is that the summer of love leading up to that Was something else We're talking about $2 billion in damage 200 cities Had to go under curfew

22 people lost their lives And I understand I understand that January 6 Was Democrats right and Ryan knowing They're going to run in that They're going to win the next election And Donald Trump is still president Last I checked

Okay And I bring up these issues because But many cops were injured that day many, many police officers. And they tased Michael Phanone. He's a hero cop. I know Michael. Michael Phenone's a hero, D.C. cop.

He stood in the breach to defend our capital. By the way, he voted for Trump. And he stood there, and they tased him until his heart stopped. They gave him a heart attack for putting on the uniform and standing in defense of our United States Capitol. And then Trump pardoned him. That's the difference. Is it the first thing Trump did was pardon these rioters.

Well, Biden pardoned his whole fan. Biden partners. They're not, dude, we're talking about political violence. By the way, it has happened on both sides when Steve Scalese got shot. It was terrible, and the guy did it because he was a Republican. No question. It's not an equal, it's an asymmetric hatred. And this is what I mean.

The ADL, the Inde Defamation League did a study three years ago. They looked over 10 years of political murders in America, and they found 450 murders, 75% of them by the far right, 20% of them by Islamists, and only 4% from the far left. And I decry all of it on all sides. But this is not, in the 60s and 70s, the political violence is mostly from the far left. Today, it is mostly from the far right. And you've got to clean up your own side.

No, no, hold on. So here's actually what I was saying about it. It's actually my response to that. And that is, thank you both for bringing up. That President Trump was shot, and then he had another attempt on his life yet again. And then when you have people saying that we are a threat to democracy, when you are calling him Hitler, when you call him Hitler,

you're calling him, you're calling 77, hold on, a threat to democracy. You're calling 77 million people a threat to democracy. And this is exactly where this vision starts. So I totally agree with you. I want to condemn all violence. I am a politician. I'm the only one sitting up here.

I've got three kids at home, and my wife is sitting up here right now. I love her dearly. What people have to understand is that we are all human beings first. It all has got to stop. And I get true. Can I ask you one question about January 6th? One question about January 6th. Take the politics out of it. I mean, look, they were there for a specific reason, and they attacked the capital, a specific place on a specific day at a specific moment, which was the exact moment that the votes were being counted, which to me makes it even worse. But okay, let's just say they were there because they were, I don't know, furious about the price of eggs. No politics. They were just like, Congress has not done anything about the goddamn price of eggs. And we're going to, I don't care how many cops get hurt. We're going to, Would it be any different?

Well, again, we were talking about... Is it just okay because it was defending Trump? This wasn't necessarily about defending Trump. Okay, but what if it was... What if it was... What if it was... What it was over 100 cops getting hurt and people taking over a building over the place...

Now you're talking to Summer of Love. Now you're talking about the Summer of Love. That's what people were actually getting hurt. That's when 22 people died. That's when we watched... Sam in our streets. And even just a couple weeks ago here in L.A., we are watching Pee's...

throw pieces of concrete at law enforcement officers and cars burning in the street in our cities. We cannot have that anywhere. Okay. Let me go back to what happened in Minnesota, because this is the last one. This guy named Vance Bolter, of course it is. He's plainly a Trumper. Oh, come on. Oh, go ahead.

He voted for Trump. He was at Trump rallies. He's a super-duper Christian. His big issue was he hated abortion, that we were. performing abortions. He had a list of 45 people. The two people he shot were Democrats, state Democrats. He had a list of 45 other people, all Democrats. The fact that so many people in your party, Donald Trump Jr., Representative Derek Van Orden, I don't know who he is, but he's a jerk, I think. He must be. Senator Mike Lee, all pretended that this guy, who's plainly a Trumper,

I mean, look, we just admit it. It happens on both sides. But the level of lying here, Donald Trump, the guy who committed these atrocities weekend is a Democrat. No, he's not. Mike Lee, this is what happens when Marxists don't get their way. Van Orden, this guy, he said he did it because the people he shot weren't far left enough. You know these are lies. See, I mean, you guys, I know you. The former pseudo-coo CEO that was murdered was wrong.

The gentleman that did this is wrong. And he's a Trumper. The person who shot. This one is a trumper. This guy is, this is right. The guy who's not going to be in the country. Just don't lie to me. We are talking about people, arbitrarily murdering people.

We are talking about people that are off the reservation. They're crazy. This man is crazy. I don't care if he's a Trumper or not. I don't care from the left or not. That's crazy. We don't murder people in this country. That's not the way.

I hear your point. But I don't care if it's a trumper or not. It's wrong. Crazy is a little different. He is absolutely crazy, by the way. I mean, clinically insane. But crazy is a little different. This is political violence.

People commit political violence all the time. Who aren't like clinically crazy? Will you agree political violence or not if you're going to go versus somebody? You're off. If this had been the reverse, I would admit to you so easily. I would just say, yes, the guy who shot Steve's police. I just see this thing, I know you guys, you like me. You respect me.

You've been consistent for 30 years. Yes. And because when I make fun of the left, I do it even better than your people. Because I'm honest. Because I'm honest about it. You've got to give it back to me. You've got to give that honesty back to me.

I put myself out. All right. I got one more issue, which is, this is a big issue. The Supreme Court ruled the other day about transgender. There was an issue in Tennessee. The states can restrict minors from transitioning. They were just saying, the states have the right to regulate this.

Now, I think a lot of people, again, I'm critical when I think my side goes too far, and they go too far often, and they went too far on this. For a long time, gender affirming, all this is gender dysphoria, of all these terms they use to try to just say that, you know,

biological sex isn't a real thing. It's all a social construct. This was always nonsense, not that there isn't such a real thing as trans people, there is, but it's rare, and they made it unraired. I think over a thousand, over 100 clinics opened in the last 10 or 20 years because this became a thing. Well, now, the blue states, by the way, will not be affected.

They are just saying states have the right to regulate this. And I think it's a great first step to getting the Democratic Party back to something that people can respect and normal people can vote for. Thoughts. So this is a sanity check. If you can't tell me the difference between a man and a woman, then what happens is I don't want to hear your other argument because it's just that simple. If you don't think that biological men should not compete against biological women, if you can't say that's not a good idea. That's ridiculous.

We saw the issue with Riley Gaines and Simone Biles. We saw that debate go unfold. And Simone got destroyed on this because, again, this is a sanity check. We had a Supreme Court justice, Ketanji Brown, that was asked, he told me the difference between a man and a woman, and she said, I'm not a doctor. this is a sanity check. If you can't answer that basic question,

then how can you possibly tell me about policy? And this is one of the reasons why the Democrats are losing on an issue like this. Because, again, if you can't definitively tell... I have a 6-4- and 2-year-old. My 6- and 4-year-old, they think that they're Ana and Elsa, and my little boy thinks he's Lightning McQueen.

By the time you're 18 years old, if you want to change your body, you can live and do whatever you want as long as you want to pay for it. I fought for the right for you to be able to do that. But when we are talking about children and undeveloped human beings and allowing them to make decisions

that are going to impact the rest of their life, we must protect them. From whom? From whom? I think we're people of faith. Bill's not. We believe God gives... Fair enough.

I watch religious. Fair enough. We believe that God gives children to parents, not politicians in Nashville. The Tennessee legislature like you don't go a rip snore about children, or they would address the chief cause of childhood death in Tennessee, which is guns.

Why should politicians decide what parents do? They're two completely different issues. And by the way, the issue is quite the reverse. Like out here in California and in New Jersey, it's the schools who are not allowed to even tell the parents. That's crazy. I'm consistent. Parents should decide this.

So who's schools and not politicians? But who's not being protected? I don't understand your point. I think they're not protecting the children from people coming in and taking advantage, I think, of young folks who don't know what's going on. I mean, I didn't know what the fuck was going on when I was eight years old.

I was unhappy when I was a teenager. If someone offered this as the solution, I might go for it. And they have done studies since then. That's why America is an outlier country with this. All the other countries pulled back on this because they said, we don't know. And sometimes they're just gay, and sometimes they're just confused,

and sometimes they're just depressed. But once you start taking off body parts, you can't reverse it. Thank you very much. I've got to go to... All right. Okay, new rules. Someone has to tell ICE agents

that we understand they have a difficult job to do, but we will defend these taco stands with guns. You want to hit the car washes? Bad idea, but okay. Outside Home Depot, so stupid, but whatever. But the people working the taco stands? They're on base.

Signed, everyone who walks out of a bar at 2A. way in. Now that there's a movie called Bride Hard. Someone has to tell Hollywood screenwriters that it's not inherently hilarious to call your movie hard. We've had spy hard, walk hard, love hard, get hard.

Please, I'm saving my money for Mel Gibson's sequel to the Passion of the Crys. Die and come back from the dead heart. New Rule, you can't call the cops if a stripper refuses to get you off in the show. Champagne room. That is what a Mr. Sultan Alnofi, of course, a Florida man. That's what he did recently. And I'd like to say to him, come on, man, the cops have enough on their plates. This issue can be resolved by a simple upgrading of bathroom walls.

Call Jenny for a good time. Call Tiffany with an issue with your bill. And call Jasmine to continue in Spanish. I mean, it's very soon. Uh, new rule, the two women convicted last week of forced labor who were running a sex cult that practices orgasmic meditation. I have to admit, there's no such thing as orgasmic meditation. In the Venn diagram of orgasms and meditation, there's no overlap. And if there is, you're doing it wrong. I've seen a lot of Buddha statues in Thai restaurants and the backyards of actresses. Not once is Buddha making the O-face.

New Rule, if the Catholic Church wants to be seen as modernizing, they have to reconsider putting St. Teresa on display, as they have done periodically over the years since her death in 1582. The church says it's practically a miracle how well-preserved she is. Well, here she is as Bernini sculpted her in 1652, and here she is today. Ageless. just look at her.

Amazing. Bernini, reality. And that's why St. Teresa is the patron saint of the photos on OKCupid. And finally, new rule, let's make the Father's Day we just celebrated the last one that takes place in a culture where dads have become such punching bags,

literally the last demographic group that TV, ads and movies, can still depict as clueless, useless dipshits. Basically just another child that mom has to look after. Every sitcom is, tonight on ABC, Larry burns down the house. And the tagline in the commercial for every household product is basically because your husband is a moron.

Moving in together. It's a big step. A test. Attest that Jeff? failed miserably. You know, I'm not sure when this trend started, but I'm going to blame the 1987 movie, three men and a baby.

The premise of which is that three grown men can't manage to keep a baby alive. The same year gave us married with children, with its idiot shoe salesman of a father, followed by an endless parade of eye-roll, short-bust dads, Homer Simpson, family guy, modern family, Malcolm in the middle. everybody loves Raymond, home improvement

according to Jim. And it's not just the old school broadcast TV sitcoms. It's everywhere. It's highbrow streaming stuff. It's major motion pictures. It's minor motion pictures. It's in everything. And look, I know.

I don't have any kids. I made a different choice in life and decided to have money. You're not lying. But all these shows, they can't all be lying about what it's like to have kids. Your EQ is off the charts, Nick. Uh-huh, Nick. I'm Nick now.

What happened to Dad? Well, I don't know, Nick. What happened to Dad? You're an asshole. Hey, come in here. Why are you acting so dickish? I mean, it is only $10. Do you hear how they talk to me? Do you hear how... You gotta say something.

Whoa, hold on. When are you guys planning on coming here? home? By 11 or 12? Yeah, soon. You know you both have school tomorrow? Ah, that's true. We do. Yeah, he's right. It's all-parenting, dad. Kids today, they're like Trump.

They think the rules don't apply to them. And mom, mom is always the smart one, the good one. He's just lucky to be in her orbit. And I get it that this is a correction to centuries of women being deemed the weaker sex, but how long does

the correction last? And when will men, stop making me throw up in my mouth with the way they pander so nakedly. Ryan Gosling says, I think women are better than men. They're better than us. And Harry Stiles' t-shirt agrees. Terry Cruz believes that he says women are smarter than men for real. Even Barack Obama says about women that, what I can say pretty indisputably, is that you're better than us.

Really? Because I don't remember Michelle taking out bin Laden. And here's Will Ferrell's quick human history recap. Men, uh, we've been running the show since, what, 10,000 BC, something like that? And we're not doing so good. Isn't it just time for women to run the planet? Yes, a sentiment. Leonard Cohen concurs with saying, I wish the women would hurry up and take over. Well, you know what? Many of them have. And it wasn't that different. Queen Mary burned 300 people at the stake just for being Protestant.

Cleopatra, Catherine the Great, Golden Mayor, and Dira Gandhi, none of them were any less violent or hard-ass than men. Hillary voted for the Iraq War. Marie Antoinette let them eat cake. So besides being historically naive, this cringy pandering is why teenage boys flocked to jerks like Andrew Tate. Now, if you don't know who he is, your teenage son does. He's an accused rapist-turned-influencer,

whose videos get billions of views where he says things like women should bear responsibility for being sexually assaulted. Yes, he's a huge asshole, and your kid thinks he's cool, because that's the choice of role models that an American teenage boy has, either performative pussyhood or the manosphere.

Jesus, can't the pendulum ever land in the middle in this country? Can't we have something in between a complete cock who dares not open his mouth for fear of mansplaining and owning a tiger? The Democrats are always asking, how do we win back men? Just be real.

Not a monster and not a doormat. Is that so hard? And as far as the last 10,000 years thing, well, who invented the wheel and figured out fire? I don't know. No one knows. Totally could have been a woman. and women throughout history undoubtedly would have contributed more

if men had taken them more seriously like those African-American math whizzes at NASA who helped put a man on the moon. But let's not pretend my fellow humans with a penis who are so down on yourselves that your convenient, pleasant, cushy lives

would be anything close to that without a few little things that men did contribute, like electricity, and batteries, and movies, microphones, the plow, the compass, the clock, the alarm clock, the printing press, the internet, the toilet,

the telescope, penicillin, planes, the Magna Carta, the telephone, the smartphone, rockets, the theory of universal gravitation, refrigeration, air conditioning, the theory of evolution, the computer, AI, oh, sorry about

that one. And the George Foreman Grill. You know, men built the railroads and the road roads, not to mention democracy and the Bill of Rights. And oh yeah, dying by the tens of millions to end slavery, defeat fascism, and face-down communism. When your power goes out and comes back in 20 minutes, that's big as a man in a raincoat went out in the wind and the lightning and climbed a pole and fucked with live wires. I'm just saying, men, we're not completely useless. So if you want to... If you want to know what to get dad next Father's Day,

how about a little respect? All right. Thank you very much. You are terrific. We're off the month of July. I want to thank these guys, Dave Barry. I want to thank my guest, Paul Bagala Wesleyan. Oh, Club Random drops every Monday now on YouTube

or listen wherever you get your podcast. Go watch overtime on YouTube. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.