Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #718: John Mellencamp, Chris Christie, Chrystia Freeland

Episode Date: February 7, 2026

Bill’s guests are John Mellencamp, Chris Christie, Chrystia Freeland (Originally aired 2/6/26) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series Real Time with Bill Maugh. Thank you so much going on. I'm glad you're putting on a brave face. I know it's an exciting time because the Super Bowl is Sunday. No one's talking about the game.

It's all about the fucking halftime show. Am I right? How big is it? Yeah. This is how divided this country is. Unbelievable. We can't even have a halftime show we agree on. Really, because Bad Bunny is doing the real one at the Super Bowl,

but then Maga Nation's putting on their own alternative one. Kid Rock is going to perform all his greatest hits, and then shoot a case of Stella Artois, just because it sounds gay. But, yeah, oh, Bad Bunny, no bueno with that Trump crowd. I mean, imagine being... so offended out of Puerto Rican singing for 15 minutes

that you create an alternative half-time show. Man, it's a good thing that the only people in the world who are snowflakes are liberals, huh? But it is kind of that time of year on the calendar where there's something every weekend. There's a Super Bowl, and we got Valentine's Day coming up. We had Groundhog Day. That was Tuesday.

Great news. Well, for some people, because they did see a shadow, so more snow. So great news for the ski resorts. Terrible news for Chapel Rohn's tits. So, yeah, a lot. Oh, and it's also Black History Month to get things kicked off. The Trump administration today called for a moment of indifference. No, they did something much worse.

Trump did a Roseanne. Did you see this? And shared a video of black people, you know, superimposed as apes, and the people were the Obamas. I'm not going to show it because I don't want to give it any oxygen. But the defense, I thought, from the administration, was rather lame. They said, he did not mean to hit share. He meant to hit like.

Carolyn Levitt, you know, she says, very loyal, press spokesman, very loyal. She said he was, the president was just reposting a meme of him as the king of the jungle with Democrats as characters from the Lion King, as world leaders do. Of course, there's two things a little wrong with this. One, there are no apes in the Lion King. And two, if it's a cartoon character, it's okay, that's a rule now. If it's a cartoon, it's okay to do anything. So it's okay if somebody made a cartoon of Elmer Fudd shooting Charlie Kirk, that would be okay?

You fucking hypocrites. You know, and again, Carolyn Levitt went on and she said, this is just a lot of fake outrage. Fake outrage, why don't you people in the press report on something that matters to the American public? You know, like the lawsuit Trump has going over a joke he didn't like it, the Emmys. Well, yeah, I'm beginning to think this country's a little sleazy. There's a new wrinkle in the Epstein case. Have you heard about this? Okay, they got some surveillance.

Why did they have it now? Six years later. Where was this surveillance footage from the jail that Epstein killed himself in? The night right before he did kill himself, or whatever happened in there, the surveillance photo shows, video shows, an orange-colored shape. I swear to God, that's what it says. an orange-colored shape moving toward his cell. Now, I know what you're thinking.

What's orange? And has a reason to want Epstein dead. Obviously, Hillary in a Trump costume. That's plainly what it is. I was thinking the same thing, so. But this Epstein thing, man, the more you lift up this rock, the more you see it's not just a few bugs that were crawling around under there.

I mean, like, who's, remember for a long time who's on the list? Who isn't on the list? And what these new email shows, they all lied, all these people who were saying all these, we were never mad at them, we weren't there, didn't do anything.

All lied. It's like Epstein Island is Hooters, and the entire power structure of the world is saying, yeah, I was just there for the wings. Now, this, and you sort of, the Bill Gates one, no, I don't know if this is true. This is a claim.

We're not saying this is true. This is, by the way, this is, Epstein wrote an email to himself. I didn't even know that was a thing. I've never, do you write emails to yourself? I've never done, okay, wrote an email to himself, claiming that Bill Gates was worried that he got an STD from one of the Russian girls, and he wanted Epstein to hook him up with an antibiotic.

They could slip into his wife's coffee. I mean, of all the sleazy things I've ever heard, and of all the people, not to have antivirus protection. I say it. Oh, we make little jokes, all in good fun. But another person in the Epstein files, we saw this last week. We reported it. Elon Musk also got caught lying, red-handed. You know, first it was, I didn't want to go there.

I said no, and then it turns out, when is the good party? but maybe this is maybe why this is Elon seemed a little down this week because he tweeted out whoever said money can't buy happiness really knows what they're talking about on the upside

it can buy ketamine all right well we've got a great show we have former governor Chris Christie and former deputy prime minister of Canada Christopher Freeland but first up he is a rock and know hall of head singer songwriter his 19-day dancing world tour

The greatest hits kicks off this summer. The icon John Mellencamp is here. Please, please. You'll give him a big head, and he already has a big head. That's coming from him. That's coming from now. All right. Actually, he's really funny.

Yeah, well... Yeah. You should be a comedian, right? Yeah, well, I'm going to give it a shot. Used to be a comedian, right? Listen, we have only... Yes, I remember you coming to... see me in Indiana.

Like, like this is... And in Indiana where it's pretty red, you went over like... Yeah, people like the... Yeah. It's real.

Like you. And I remember... And I remember... This has got to be at least 10 years ago. And we took a picture after the show when we looked at it and you went,

who are these two old fucks? Well, let me ask you a question. Yeah. Could you have ever imagine that you've been... be your age, still doing what you're doing? Are you talking about the show or my social life? I try to keep away from your social life.

I try to keep away from your social life. No, I just turn 70. So, like, you know, anytime you're 70 and the headline isn't, he succumbed to. But look who I'm talking to, the ultimate health nut. I mean, you're about to go on this tour, so you're getting in shape for the tour. We have to talk about the tour. But first, I just want to show the video. I mean, we don't have to listen to it.

But there you are on the treadmill, smoking. And I appreciate you not for the 10 minutes we're out here, because I know that's not easy for you. So tell me about this, because when I saw that, it's not the typical way someone thinks of being on the treadmill. It's a joke. Is it? It's a joke.

Yes, of course. But I tell you, in the 80s, I'd be on tour. And back then, you know, smoking wasn't frowned upon some. No. But I would actually go into gyms and work out and then take a break at smoke and work out some more. Well, you know, it's changed your voice. I mean, there's two U's in my iPod. There's like the early you, John Cougar and then John Cougar Mellencamp.

By the way, what was the story with Cougar? You changed it? They made you have that name. forget what the deal was. I was 21 years old, fresh out of college, fresh in New York. And I went through the same manager that managed main man,

managed David Bowie. And it turned out that the girl behind the desk was from Indiana. So it kind of gave me an end real quick because I was just going to drop off of a fucking tape, you know. And I thought that'd be it. But she noticed I was from Indiana, so we talked about it.

So immediately I had a meeting. I mean, I walked in cold, and I had a meeting, and the next thing I know, they're flying me back to New York, and then I make a demo tape that I thought was a demo tape, and I walk in, and they had a picture, and they said, this is the album cover. Johnny Cooger, and I went, no. I mean, they gave you that name without even asking you?

Oh, yeah. But you obviously went along with it. Here's my choices, Bill. You can either go back to Indiana. Yeah. Or you can be Johnny Cougar. I mean, I was pissed off. I got up and walked out.

I said, I'm not doing this. What gives a shit? Yeah. Does it matter what your name is? It matters. Well, plainly it didn't. No, it did. It matters.

Why, you sold records as John Cougar. You sold records as John Cougar Melanchamp. You sold records as John Mellencamp. The songs were okay. I know, that's what I'm saying. And the critics did not like it. They thought it was cornball. They liked Bad Bunny.

It's kind of a corny name. I mean, I don't have anything against the guy, but it is a funny name. Yeah, almost all rock acts have funny names. I mean, who are, what are the Chandel's, you know? I mean... Anyway, let's... Before we run out of time, what we'd do, we were together two hours bullshitting like this on Wednesday.

Let's talk about what's important, which is that you are going back on tour and you were playing all your hits. And we talked about this, and I didn't understand because when I saw you, I thought you were playing all hits anyway, because, like, I don't know any more like what's a hit. When I was 12, I kept the survey. I knew it was a hit.

I just thought every song you did was great when I saw you. apparently you were only playing a few of your big hits, and now you're going to play all your hits. You said you haven't for 17 years. Why have you been depriving us of playing the hits for 17 years? You know, I am proud to say, and I'm the luckiest guy in the world I have had, and I just found this out today because I called my manager. I said, how many hit records have I had, and I've had 46?

That's a lot. So it's a very long show you're going to do. Yeah. Two and a half hours. Two and a half hours. But you can't get all 46 in there. No, but there's some songs. Like this time, I think I'm really in love.

Probably not going to make it. Well, when I saw you, you played Jack and Diane, and you prefaced it by saying to the audience, you know, I wrote this. It was kind of a toss off. I didn't think it was the great, but people, we all still love it so much, that you said, well, here it is.

I'm going to have to play the... In the original writing of Jack and Diane, Jack was black. He was a black guy. Not Jack Black. Jack was black. And what? What do you mean the original?

They'll tell me the record company got involved here too. Yes. Really? Oh, yeah. Well, see, now that's a little different than just changing your name. I know. That's what I thought.

Right. That's what I thought. I didn't like it, and I actually didn't even want to put it on the record after that happened. However, they tested it to a bunch of radio stations, and it tested really good. So I thought, well, you know, I can sacrifice a little bit, you know, here and there. And where would you imagine Jack and Diane are today, 40 years later? I can tell you, what is their life? What are they doing? My record company is making, there's a Broadway show that's starting in Maine in a few months,

and it's called Small Town, and it's the story of Jack and Diane. And Diane, that's a good idea. And Diane is Mexican-American, and Jack's dad is rich and is polluting the water in this small town. by his business. So it's not like, you know, what do they call those things? Bad movies? Shitty movies.

Okay, so, you know, the other iconic line, I mean, you have so many, you fight authority and you never win. That was always in my walk-in music when I was performing before the audience would walk in. I wanted to hear that. You could have set them tone for what I wanted to do. But life goes on, long after the...

thrill is living is gone living is gone when you the things you write at 25 when you're then you know

half of century down the road I mean what do you think about with that when you say where was my head then and how much

has that resonated with me now I'm not that smart I'm just not that smart songs you know what I found out is that I don't

try to control the songs I don't sit there and go, I am going to write a song about Bill Maher. Songs just come to you, and they're sent, I know this sounds screwed up to the audience and everybody, but it's true.

I'll be doing something, like, you know, painting. I'll be painting. And all of a sudden I'll get an idea for a song, and I go, I don't want to, not now, I'm painting. And then it was like, well, fuck. Then I'll throw my paintbrush down and go get my guitar and I'll write what I've done. So I don't really, you know, I don't know what half the songs I've written are about.

I do. We were talking about this the other day. I remember them better than you do, but that's okay. You know what? That's absolutely true. Him and I were talking, and he started saying lyrics to me and it was like, where did you hear those at? But when you...

But I've made 36 hours. Yeah, yeah. I get it. That's a lot of it. And, you know, this memory thing, you're not, it's not because of drugs. You never did drugs. No. I mean, that was very rare in the music industry. I haven't done drugs since 1971.

Would you like to start? No. But not only would I not like to start, you wouldn't like to start, because me on whiskey and drugs, Well, yeah, I know. Not good. A lot of fun. Not again.

Okay. So when you're, but when you're writing a song, can you tell at the moment whether that's a hit or not? Sometimes. Sometimes you can. I had a song called R-O-C-N-U-S-A. Oh, yeah. And I hated it. I just thought, this is fucking stupid and silly.

Awful. So it's a true story, guys. I didn't want to put it on the record, but I made the mistake. I never let the record companies hear my records until I present them to them. Because they have A&R people that want to come in and say, you need to do this, you need to do that. And I always say, no, no, no, no. They don't even ask me anymore.

So anyway, I made the mistake of letting somebody hear R-O-C-K, and they just went nuts. That's the number one record? I don't know. Well, it's not going to be on the album because it didn't fit on the album. Back when albums had like a theme and, you know, so I arm wrestled the guy, and we tied.

So I had to put it on the record. And you're going to play it on this tour. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's what we're going to tell people. Every song is going to be a hit record. You should go see this show because this is a hit record. I love this. Johnny Boy, good luck out there.

All right. I want to see you down the road again. You keep chasing rainbows. Thanks. You're going to do something you're not used to. Let's go. What are we doing? What are we going to do?

What are we going to do? What are we doing? Oh, that's the police room. You're going. You're also. Yeah, I think you're going to do. I love the joke on the trip. So we call Indiana Friendly.

We never had that in 23 years of this show. All right, he is a former Republican governor of New Jersey is now a political and legal contributor for ABC News. Chris Christie back with us. Thank you for making that plane. I know it was not easy. Very young. Good to be here, man.

Okay. She's the former deputy prime minister and minister of finance of Canada. That great country. the Honorable Christopher Freelands. How you doing? Okay. I'm going to begin tonight with an admission. The most important story, I think, this week

is Trump talking about how he thinks the Republican Party should take over elections. And we are going to talk about that. But then that should be first, because it's the most important, but because, A, I'm a ratings war. Only ratings? Only ratings.

And also because this other issue, if we can call it, that I think will actually have more effect on the elections. I do want to start with Epstein because it's just you can't get away from it and you can't stop thinking about it. And I thought since it is primarily about the abuse of women, you should just have the first say on this and we won't say anything. Wow. Okay, thank you. I was actually going to insist on saying that if we didn't talk about women.

So thank you very much, Bill. Yeah, it is, there are so many aspects to what we've heard from all of these Epstein emails and texts and emails he writes himself. But at the end of the day, it is a terrible story about what rich, powerful men, abetted by some women, due to vulnerable girls and young women. And we have to remember that. and it can be a little bit trendy right now to say, oh, you know, feminism, it went too far, do we need to now worry about the boys? And I have a son, I worry about him.

But I think reading all of this horrible stuff should say to us, we need feminism, we need to stand up for girls and young women. For people who have not been following it closely because it was a little fuzzy there for a while because they released it and then there was more and then I thought it was out and it was like did you release it or didn't you?

And they slow dragged it. What's come out in like the last week or so has changed the story a lot for me. Like I said, we turned over this rock. It's not just a few bugs under there. It's like who isn't under there? You're not in there. No.

Are any Canadians in it? This is what it's like, I'm going to be married 40 years next month. And I know you don't applaud that. No, no, I do. This is what it's like to be married 40 years. I'm not on there. And my wife said to me, how aren't you on there? So there is an element of not being able to win on that argument is like,

I don't know. I didn't want to be. But look, as a father of daughters, that's the way it struck me this week. Right. Was, you know, I have a 29-year-old daughter and a 22-year-old daughter, and I think to myself, you know, this is why as fathers, we have to be so supportive of our daughters so that their self-esteem comes from inside them,

not from any man or someone else who is trying to make them do something that they think then will make them more acceptable, more socially acceptable or whatever. And when you see some of the guys that we all know, Bill, who are on this list, and you think to yourself, you're rich, you're successful, you're doing this? Well, that's what I always said about this.

I'm going to say it again. I said it from the beginning. If there's a guy who has a lot of money and you don't know where the money comes from, he's a pimp. That's what this is all about. It's not because he was a witty conversationalist that they were hanging around him.

He is a pussy whisperer. All these men who have all the power in the world, they have the money, the prestige, the influence, and they have zero clue how to get a woman into bed. That's what this is about. Concierge service for people on the spectrum. And, you know, having known this, I have to also do a mea couple to QAnon.

QAnon. QAnon, okay? I'm big enough to say, Q and on, you are more right about this than I admitted, or lots of other people admitted. Q and on, see, I'm always trying to find the grand bargain. You know, like, what can, I'm always trying to put something on the table that says, okay, this is where I'm wrong. So how about something from you? So I'm going to do that to this tonight again, Q&ON. I'm going to say, you were more right about this.

But Democrats don't eat babies. Yeah. Give us that one. Hillary didn't want a pedophile ring out of a pizza parlor. Okay? Yep. All right. I want to pick up on something.

Can I, the governor said, because I thought that was very true in moving what you said about your daughters. I have two daughters. I thought about them. All those girls and young women were someone's daughter. And it is disgusting that really important, powerful, respected people couldn't see them that way. You know, the artist formerly known as Prince Andrew. I went back on a clip of his getting ready for tonight

when he was being interviewed by the BBC and they said, you knew this guy had been a convicted pedophile, you knew what he had been sent to jail for, yet you still went and stayed with him as an apartment. In New York, how do you explain that? And he looked at the camera and said, it was a convenient place to stay. And I think this gives a whole new definition of convenient bill.

Right? You know, this guy and these men like him who believe they're entitled to this. And convenient is about being entitled and entitled to do whatever they want to do to these girls. The arrogance of not even trying to hide it in the emails, that's what got to me about this. These are guys using their real name

and saying these things that... I mean, it's been a long time since we all learned if you don't want something on the front page, don't put it in an email, don't put it in a text, everything is in the cloud. They did not care.

And some of these people, these paragon's of morale, now look, have powerful men always been bad like this? I'm sure they have. Genghis Khan, I'm sure, did his raping and pillaging. But he wasn't a phony about it. He didn't pretend he was a good guy, I would imagine. Now, some of the people, Nome Chomsky, that was like the deal breaker for me.

Noam Chomsky, Deepak, Deepak Chopra, is, did you find me a cute Israeli? He says, this is an email. And then they go on about it and just joke about it. You know, how can you listen to this guy as a guru after this? I'm sorry, I'm not trying to pick on him. I know him. He seems like a nice guy. but obviously there's this other side to this Peter Attia guy

who people, I saw him on 60 Minutes recently, this great guru of health, and he's saying some of the... Oh, man, what? Some of his stuff was like... I go into Jeffrey Epstein withdrawal when I don't see him, he says. The problem with becoming friends with you, he says, Epstein, the life you lead is so outrageous, and yet I can't tell a soul. That's terrible.

But you know what? They're not nice guys. Like, you know, Bill, you can't do this and be a nice guy. Like, so, for nice guys, they have that moment when it's presented to them. They go, I can't do that. No way. And these guys, whether it's Deepak or Noam or Peter Attia, you know what? They're engaged in this stuff?

They're not nice guys. They're fakes. They're fakes. They're terrible fake. which is totally right. But I think what it also says is feminists have a point. This horrible...

It's true, though. Like, this horrible stuff is happening to young women and girls, and we have to make it unacceptable. And we have to say, this is not okay. And we have to make it, we have to make it possible

for young women and girls. to live in the world without this horrible stuff happening to them. And the people who do this need to be shamed and they need to be punished. Let's not conflate too, too, like, that's... I think a lot of these guys, Epstein was the pimp. But that doesn't mean he was setting them with someone who was underage. He himself was plainly with underage girls, because you see this over and over again. And so to me, there's this couple of moral failings.

One is just, you know, being involved with this guy. The other is, over and over you see in these emails, this kind of winkingness. Like, they joke about, you know, Jeffrey with this young kid. That girl you were with last time was a little naughty, you know, just as if it was the kind of things we would just kid each other about like, oh, Chris loves playing golf too much, you know, that kind of stuff. And that to me is almost skevier. Bring your harem. Yeah, bring your harem. Bring your harem.

You know, that kind of stuff. No, you're right. It was like that funny comment of John Mellencamp's where he was like, yeah, I'm smoking on the treadmill. It's a joke. And this stuff is not a joke. No, it isn't. Okay. Well, I read this week that ICE is pulling out Minnesota a lot. It's a good segue. That's a bit sideways. Moving on to another topic. And there's been a lot of, well, I'm getting to the subway. It involves you. It involves me.

Yes, because I know you're... Now I'm really worried. Well, because I know you're the world's biggest Bruce Springsteen fan. Yeah. And he put out a protest record about... I heard it. About ICE.

Okay. It was called Streets of Minneapolis. And a number of other people have done it. I'm not that familiar with some of these other artists. But what I found out is that, of course, in this country, just like with the Super Bowl halftime show, nothing is ever done on one side. So there are there certain artists.

I don't know who they are, but they're putting out some pro-ice songs. It's not just, just that the bag is never going to leave anything unanswered. Would you like hear some of the MAGA artists, throw-ice songs, because these are different songs. For instance, there's, I will always shove you. If I had a hammer, I'd use it to smash your windshield. Where the streets are.

have no shame. I've gotten you under my shin. I can't feel my face because you maced it. Booked on a feeling. Baby got sent back. And of course, no longer working at the car wash. All right. So last week, I did a whole thing here at the end of the show about how celebrities not good for the Democratic Party. I think the Democrats should cut loose their celebrities.

I don't think they're helping. I don't think people see them as relatable. I don't think anyone people think knows about their problems, even though they're always making political pronouncements. And then I watched the Grammys, and I saw Justin Bieber singing in his underwear. I saw Chapel Rhone there holding her dress up with nipple clips and I saw Lady Gaga singing with a lambshade on her head. So I guess I was way off on that, huh? But apparently they did not hear me at the Grammys because Billy Eilish, it's a big controversy this week.

She said there's no illegals on stolen land and she said, it's hard to know what to say, which I would say then don't say anything because you don't know things, so you didn't go to school, I don't think, and you don't know facts. She said, keep fighting and protesting and speaking up. I totally agree with that.

She said, voices matter, people matter, and I would just say, so does knowledge. And, I mean, I would just like to know where, and this is especially important for you because Canada has been facing this issue with indigenous peoples. And it can go beyond just the virtue signaling of saying something because they're sort of taking it seriously now in Canada with repossessing land for indigenous peoples.

What is the practical next step, if you say that? There's no such thing as illegal people on stolen land. Okay, now, of course, immediately the people, the tribe, here in California asked for her house. That thought was pretty great. But what is the practical next step? This is my problem always with things like this from the left that are so performative.

Okay, even if we agreed to that stolen land, yes, lots of land is stolen, by the way, not just here, but, okay, so it is. What do we do about that? We give it all back and go back to living in teepees. What is the practical next step? Well, look, Bill, what I would first say is in Canada, the situation is quite different from the U.S. And the vast majority of the relationships between indigenous people in Canada and the Crown are based on treaties.

Treaties, which are legal documents, just like the land title I have to my house. And so a treaty-based relationship is important to honor. It's important to work with. and I think Canada has made a lot of progress there. And where I would say the conversation has moved in Canada is towards indigenous prosperity. And the fact is, which is a terrible fact, indigenous people in Canada are the underclass.

They go to jail more, they're poor, they die younger, they suffer more from addiction. And Canadians who are the great people of the world treated them like shit, just like everybody treated everybody like shit. Exactly, right? And that happened in the past. And so what the focus...

We should acknowledge that and try to, in some ways, make reparations. Well, or what I would say is what we need, like certainly what we've been working on in Canada and work that I did as finance minister is on indigenous prosperity. And so we created a $5 billion fund to support indigenous businesses, working, indigenous businesses, building their own prosperity, their own sources of wealth, and it actually works. So, Keystone, the Keystone pipeline, the U.S. hasn't managed to build. When I was finance minister, we built a pipeline, which is very important,

diversifying Canada's economy, giving us access to the Pacific, so we're not as dependent on the United States because you're not a very reliable boyfriend right now. And one of the reasons we were able to get that pipeline built, which the government built and still owns, is because we cooperated with all the indigenous people along the route. So I would say make the conversation, I totally agree with you. Virtue signaling is yucky. People hate it.

What you said about people liking you in Indiana is right because you're real. But so if you care about the plight of indigenous people, then work to create economic conditions so they can prosper. I just want to refocus this back on what the real issue is. What do we actually do? Because let me read our friend David from. He's from Canada, Omni. He said, Canadians have learned that these well-meaning pronouncements

are not in fact harmless. Courts are reinterpreting these rote confessions of historical guilt as legally enforceable. 800 acres south of downtown Vancouver must be subordinate to. a group of about 500, 5,000 indigenous Canadians. They're talking about the land underneath Canada's parliament buildings. And the irony here is the value of this land has all gone down a lot

because people are not sure whether it's going to be theirs to own in the future. Yeah, I mean, look, first off, back to what you started with, which is, you know, these pronouncements from celebrities who most, them have not taken the time to even understand the first degree subtlety to these issues, let alone second and third degree subtlety, is why the Democratic Party has some of the problems it has, because they latch themselves to these folks, and then nod their heads and agree when stupid stuff like Billy Eilish said at the Grammys. And two of my kids were home for the Grammys and forced me to watch this.

Do they tie you down? I mean, like, no, they took, they did the greatest sin you could ever do to a father. They took away the remote control from me. Took it from me and threw it back and forth to each other so that I couldn't get it back. So I had to watch Lady Gaga with the, with the lampshade on, and Bieber and the Billy Elish crap. But, like, the fact is that our, that's off Canada and to America for a minute on this, you know, it's a complicated history. okay, you know, people got screwed along the way. Yes, we agree with that.

But if what we're going to do today is say these pronouncements and then have no real solution to behind that pronouncement, it's all bullshit now. It reminds me of... It's such bullshit. It reminds me of what the Gaza protesters say, from the river to the sea.

Well, that means either all of Israelis die, which a lot of them would like. That would be their choice. Or they move, all of Israel's going to move, that's not going to happen, and Los Angeles is not going to move, and we're not going to give back New Mexico. We have to deal with the future, not just the past. Okay. Can I say one small thing?

Yes, please. No, look, I think you're totally right, and we also can't, like, I really don't want to be, like, the boring, progressive Canadian tonight. Okay, then moving on. And indigenous people, although Canadians are in favor of both. But look, we progressives, we liberals, we can't present a vision of our countries that disenfranchises everybody. We can't say to people, you're not allowed to have your house.

Your house is on stolen land. People then will not support us, and they will be right not to support us. But what really bugs me about this whole controversy is I thought it was powerful. that some of those award winners at the Grammys did speak about ICE. And I agree with you broadly, Bill, that celebrities should not be the leaders of political movements, but I think it would have been wrong for them not to comment on this really horrible thing happening.

I agree to disagree. Finally, like I promised, I guess we need to get to this the most important issue. Trump said, if states can't count the votes legally and honestly, then somebody else should take over. Like him. Take over in 15 states. Let me guess which ones, the ones you lost. First of all, I'm the slow-moving coup guy.

I'm the one who said that about him originally, before he won the first election, okay? So I have standing here. I think this is just another phase of this. But I just want to know, you're a lawyer. You've been in government your whole life. I don't even know what this means that the GOP should take over.

elections. What does that actually mean? My view of my memory, maybe my dream of what an election is, is there are observers from both parties in the room when they're counting the votes? Okay, does this mean now no Democrats in that room? Is that what this means? No, it means that, like, once they're counted by both, then they get to recount them in case it doesn't work out the way they want to. I mean, look, it's ridiculous. In my state, we have, in every county of our 21 counties, we have two Republicans and two Democrats in the room when every vote is being

counted. And, you know, the president said the other day, after all, states are just the agents of the federal government. And I'm like, this is the most liberal guy I've ever seen. I mean, you want to talk about a guy who has

no philosophy at all. He's wearing the Republican coat, but any real Republican would say, are you crazy? This is not what we're want. We have states who have their own rights and you know, Article 1, Section 4, the Constitution

says that the states run the elections. But that doesn't matter to him. He sent his Director of National Intelligence, which I don't know what even has to do with this, down to Fulton County, Georgia. That's the area, I guess, where the votes he thinks were miscounted. They were counted three times because, as we know, he called up and said,

I need you to find votes. I mean, to me, that was, like, the most smoking gun thing ever. And the last time, by hand. They counted them all by hand. Three times they counted, but we're going to count it until somebody gets it right. Yeah, and look, he, we understand this bill, like, about him. This is all about his ego. He can't, and look, I don't blame him.

I'd be pretty bummed out if I lost the Joe Biden, too. But the fact is, he's. he can't live with it, so he can't let it go. And he's going and going and going. And what it does in the process, which any responsible person would understand, is it makes people in the country think our elections aren't on the level. Yes.

And that's the damage he's doing. But he doesn't give a shit about doing that damage, because all he wants to do is prove that every time he's in a contest he wins, every building he likes he can name after himself. Like, this is what he wants to do. And that's why he's not a good guy. Well, there's only three more.

All right. Time for new rules, everybody. New rules. Now that Dove is collaborating with the Netflix show Bridgerton to release a line of body washes and deodorants, they must get real about what people actually smelled like in 1813, which was piss, shit, horse, and other people. You think a thin layer of chamomile could do that kind of heavy lifting? Try a fire hose. Just be thankful you can't smell the sex scene. Newell, now that heavyweight boxer Jarrell Miller had his toupee knocked off in the middle of his fight

with Kingsley eBay at Madison Square Garden, boxing fans must admit that's new. I mean, I've seen the real housewives turn into a fight, but never a fight turn into the real housewives. Neuro, we almost agree that when it comes to men doing the most perverted things, we have a winner. A hospital in France was evacuated last week

after a man showed up with a World War I artillery shell stuck up his butt, which to me answers the question, why haven't aliens made contact with us? Because they just don't see us as a threat. When their leader asked, should we be worried about the humans, the scouts report? I don't think so. Some guy just shoved a bomb up his ass. Oh, New Rule, I'm sorry, this just in, we have a new perverted man winner.

A Florida man, of course. Has been arrested for having sex with a vacuum cleaner. Dude, you could have been injured or suffered an electric shock. Plus, there's nothing more annoying than when you're trying to fuck the vacuum cleaner and the dog won't stop barking at it. New Rule, someone must tell the president, after he scolded CNN's Caitlin's, Collins for not smiling enough saying,

I've known you for 10 years. I don't think I've ever seen a smile on your face. Don, for a guy who was such a player, you really should know that the number one thing women hate is when you tell them to smile. It's Chick 101. And also, she always smiles when she's on my show. And finally, new rule, let's call Super Bowl Sunday

what it really is, Superbet Sunday. because Major League Sports has become Wager League Sports. Just to give you a couple of pertinent stats, 57% of American adults report doing some form of gambling now. And that's not counting having sex in a state with an abortion ban. Half of men under 50 now have an active online sports betting account, which explains why half of women listen to podcasts about wives murdering their husbands. Look, when it comes to issues of personal enjoyment,

I'm a total libertarian. Some people want to ban football itself because there's so much brain damage, but I say that risk has to be your choice if it's what you love to do. Gambling also ruins lives. Still, got to be your choice. But tonight, just for information's sake,

I would like to take you through just how much things have changed with gambling in America. When I was 20, there was literally one place you could do it, Nevada. I know what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas is their motto, but not really. That shit got out, and now it's everywhere. Which is weird, because this country was founded by Puritans who hated gambling

and banned it in 1631, along with adultery and cohabitating with Indians. So if you had plans for the Mohican sun, forget it. And that feeling, that gambling was a dirty little vice best kept in back alleys. That held for 300 years until 1931, when Nevada legalized it. And even then, it was still considered so socially unacceptable. It took another 15 years before the mob opened the Flamingo. In the 1950s, there was a hit musical called Guys and Dolls, about a degenerate gambler, as all gamblers are, degenerate.

Marlon Brando plays Sky Masterson, degenerate, because he would bet on anything, like which sugar cube a fly would land on, where the Lindy's would sell more cheesecake or strudel, crazy shit like that. Well, now that's called Polly Market. It's the exact same thing. You bet on anything. Oscar winners, trial outcomes,

when we bomb Iran, the weather, the color of the gatorade at the game. How many minutes into halftime before ice grabs Big Bunny? And there's bad bunny. Big Bird. Big Bird. money next year.

But let's go back to how we got here, because, okay, first, no gambling for 300 years. Then gambling in one place. For another almost half century. Until Atlantic City, Vegas with Seagull. But that was it. If you went broke in Vegas or Reno,

you could try Atlantic City, and if you lost your shirt there, you became President of the United States. But I guess there's just something about a business where people give you money for nothing that made it too hard to contain forever. In 1964, New Hampshire became the first state where the politicians figured out they could avoid raising taxes if they had a state lottery. And now 45 states have that, with the money often promised to go to education, which is especially funny, since it's mostly played by people who think, huh, 99.999% chance of

losing. I like those odds. In 1971, off-track betting was legalized for the first time, and now most states have that. In 1988, Congress okayed gambling on reservations as reparations to Native Americans, because what better way to make it up to the most spiritual people on earth than by giving them a piece of the sleazyest business ever. But not just Indian lands.

Also, for some reason, in 1989, riverboats. riverboats, which never leave the dock. Because gambling is a scourge of society, but when you do it on an old-timey boat with a steam paddle, it's fine. It's fine. It's like when we all pretended we had glaucoma so we could get pot with a prescription. And then came the big one in 2018.

The Supreme Court struck down the federal ban on sports betting, and then all bets were off, or actually on. Everywhere. Online, on your phone. phone, before the game, during the game, ESPN is just OTB now. It's literally partnered with draft kings. Professional sports leagues used to be scared to death to go anywhere near gambling. Now they have teams in Las Vegas. Teams used to ban gamblers. Now, Caesar's Sportsbook is the official partner of the New York Mets. Which is crazy. Who would ever bet on the Mets?

So I got to ask, is this what we're doing now instead of having an actual economy? I get it. Too many people feel that even clawing their way to the middle class is impossible. Forget fantasy football, owning a home. That's the real fantasy. And yet, half of all millennials do own a home. And most of the gambling is done by really young men. To whom I say, why don't you let life kick you in the ass before you give up on it? I'm sure that an afternoon doing scratch-offs at the gas station is a great way to signal to women. I'm not marriage material, but it's not a retirement plan.

Gambling isn't just bad because you lose the rent. It's bad because it gives permission to stop believing that you control your destiny. But this is still America, and you still do. When I was in college and wanted money, I didn't gamble. I got a job. Okay, it was selling drug. But at least I wasn't just leaving my future to chance.

That's not us. That's Eastern culture. I'm not putting it down, but it is more fatalistic. In the Middle East, you can't say three words without someone responding, if God wills it.

See you for lunch tomorrow. God willing. Oh, for fuck sake. Kismet. But this is why Macau does three times the gambling business that Vegas does. It's why every movie

with a foot chase through Chinatown ends up in a basement full of guys playing Majong. It's why many Chinese restaurants have the word luck in their name. But that's not us. We're the we don't accept fate. We make it, people. Not the we're up all night to get lucky people.

All right, that's our show. I want to thank Chris Trisbee, Christopher Freeland, and John Mellonkibb. For Brandon drops every Monday on YouTube or listen to everybody get your podcast. Now go watch Overtimes on YouTube. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher, every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO on demand.

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