Real Time with Bill Maher - Ep. #733: David Sedaris, Ian Bremmer, Hagar Chemali

Episode Date: June 13, 2026

Bill’s guests are David Sedaris, Ian Bremmer, Hagar Chemali (Originally aired 6/12/26) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.cair, every style, every home. Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series, Real Time with Bill Ma. Markers here tonight, any New Yorkers? We saw the greatest come from behind team ever. I'm talking about the negotiators for Iran, unfortunately, but the Knicks were fantastic, too. I mean, yes, the Knicks did that.

My team, my team that I've been with since 1973, I was in high school the last time they did. I have never wavered on the Knicks, so this is important to me. Game 5. I didn't do anything but suffer, but thank you. But game 5 is tomorrow night, and Trump is not going.

He went to Game 5. three and they lost and you know um no let's well look the next had a 13 game winning streak in the playoffs that's almost unheard of then he went they lost i'm not saying he made them lose i am saying i'm offering a million dollars not to go to this game that's a joke by the way please that is a joke because last time i offered money like that i got sued so that's joke complete joke judge whoever's going to see this And at the nick game he went to, he brought his granddaughter Kai, and this is unfortunate.

Then, of course, when they showed him on the cam, the cold crowd booed, and it was a very tender moment when he said to her, I'm sorry they're booing you, honey. A little controversy. A little controversy here. The next day, a video was posted of this, and the booing magically gone. Who did this, but the speculation is going to either Cash Patel

or Pete Hegseth, because if anyone knows how to make booze disappear, why didn't do that one at the end? You have to think for a second. Can't finish with one of those thinkers, you know. But a lot of sports going on. The World Cup is here in L.A. Most of the world... People love it.

Yeah, most of the world consider soccer the number one sport. Here, it's where you put your kids when you don't want to pay for daycare. I don't get the attraction of soccer. I don't. There's more scoring at Bible camp. But, okay. If you love it, you love it, and I'm glad you have it.

But the really big sporting event is this weekend, you know, I'm sure you know what's going on. Our redneck president is turning 80. And to celebrate, there is a UFC fight on the lawn. So the emperor is holding gladiator games on his birthday.

Nothing to see here. About it too much. Hopefully, the big fight will also serve as a celebration for a peace deal with Iran, which the president says is imminent, but he says that every week. They counted now. He has said it 38 times. 38 times. You know, last week, the same thing.

It started with, we have a peace deal, and then by the end of the week, we're going to hit him very hard. All caps, very hard, we're going to hit him. And then he thought about it with himself. And went back to peace. Do we even really need a Iran? Iran in this war? I mean, really? Every time they pipe up, he says, who asked you, stay out of it? But Trump said, if you don't agree,

said to Iran, if they don't agree to this peace deal, they will pay the price. Pay the price. Gas is $6 a gallon out here. The Iranians who pay the price are living in Beverly Hills, okay? That's... Every week as the president gets more frustrated, he blames somebody else. Last week it was Oman.

Oman. Oman, what'd we do? This week, it's the Kurds. The Kurds. He said, the Kurds let us down. And I won't forget, Kurds. We've gone from threatening every country in the world to threatening somebody who just wants to be a country.

They're on the... The Kurds? They're on the waiting shit list. But none of that will be remembered in the future. What we were remembered in the future from this week is what happened in the stock market today. SpaceX, are you familiar? That's...

Yes, the company, Elon Musk companies, went to initial public offering. You can buy stock at it now. Biggest one ever. And Elon is now a trillionaire. A trillionaire. Now, I give Elon his props. He has created amazing things.

Yes, SpaceX is amazing. So it was Tesla, NeuroLink, Starlink. Elon owns a company that can rewire your brain. It's called Twitter. But a trillionaire. I mean, now, Elon says he will use his wealth to get to Mars because he believes one thing above all, if you have to leave Earth to avoid California taxes,

you do what you have to do. All right. Thank you very much. We have a great show. Ian Bremmer and Hagar Shemali are here. But first up, he is a contributor for the New Yorker and author of the number one best-selling book of essays, The Landon of His People,

one of the funniest people. on earth. David Sedaris is over here. Lately, lately, I like to wear a pile of clothes. That's just my thing. This pussy bow, it comes to the ground. Sometimes I don't tie it, and I just leave it dangling. But we decided backstage it would look good tie. What is that?

Is it a shirt? It's a shirt with a massive pussy bow attached to it. What's a pussy bow? A pussy bow is like a oversized bow. So this, if I untie it goes to the ground. Pardon? That's a term people... It's a term.

It's a perfectly polite term. In the heterosexual community also? I don't know. I never heard of it, but... So the book is number one, as it should be, Maestro. You've done it again. I guess that best. I mean, I loved it, as I love all your books.

Do you think that more interesting things just happened to you? Or do you just see things we all see and make them interesting? I think it's probably a lot of the second, but seems to be a little bit of the first. You seem to put yourself in places where interesting things happen that prompt these awesome essays. I think I just have a notebook. I think that's the only difference. I mean, most people, they see things and they forget about it, but I have a notebook and I just write it down. Well, you also say at one point, and so many things I do relate to because we're about the same age,

that, you know, at one point you moved to New York, right, and you didn't, things were not going well. and you were going to go back to Chicago. But you don't want to go back and, you know, we don't want to face that, or you didn't make it in the big city. Yeah, that'd be the worst. Right. And you say the one reason you wanted to stay in New York is there's just a lot more chance if you're walking around New York,

you see weird shit. Right? You see interesting stuff that's going to prompt a story. Yeah, just things that you could possibly write about. But I don't know. I feel like it can really happen anywhere. You know, most people are just looking at their phone. That's a difference.

I'm the only one not looking at my phone but now when I look around, this is what I see. People looking at their phone. Right, and you go all over the world. I mean, this one, I mean, the stories about the safari, I thought was fascinating where you didn't take any pictures. Probably the first person who

never took a picture. They seemed so disappointed and they would say, get out your camera and I just didn't, I just don't care to take pictures. Again, we're the same age, so that's how I think. It's like, I'm really going to forget the hippo. You know, I have a camera up here. I've had it my whole life.

There was a long time we didn't need that camera when we just would take a picture with our mind. But the other thing I kind of related to is you said you went to Zanzibar, right? Yeah. And you couldn't help forget that there was such an income gap between the tourists

and the people who live there. That's why I don't go to... When we stayed at this resort and then we found out when we got there that the town, that they cut off the electricity for two weeks for people on the island. I mean, it was insanely hot and humid, and they didn't even have fans. And then they said, don't worry, the resort has generators.

And then you felt even kind of worse. And then you'd go on the beach, and people would try to sell you stuff. And even when you were in the water, they would try to sell you things. So I couldn't wait to leave. I don't go to places like that. I just feel guilty the whole time. Well, Hawaii is the only place where you go. Well, Hawaii is.

And it's people around the war. It's a state of America. Yeah. You know, they're doing quite well, actually. But if you want to go to a hot place, if you want to go to a hot place in the winter, most places are sad. Yeah, are sad, exactly. And also you tell a story which is exactly what happened to me in Mexico once, which you get into a cab. I mean, this happened to you, and Zanzvore, it happened to me in Mexico.

And the cab driver, you say, how long, how is it, how much to get to? And he says, it's 30,000 pesos. And you get there, thank you, that'll be 90,000 pesos. And you, wait, you said, no, you must have misheard me. And we both know that he's lying. Right. And then you feel like I was going to give you that as a tip. Right.

You didn't have to rip me off. I would have given it to you anyway. And then you think, God, you don't have any electricity. And the snails in Zanzibar, they're like that big. That's all really they have to offer in terms of like just really big snails. It's the only really the only reason. Well, I'm the beast. to go.

And the beach and the weather. And the beach. But again, you're in the water and people are trying to sell you shit. Yeah. In the water. In the water. No, I've said. I know.

If I may, I think that it's fantastic that you're winning the Mark Twainwood. I think that's true. The last time, the last time I was here, I predicted that Jeff Foxworth was going to get it next, you know, because Kennedy Center had been taken over. So we're at the ceremony then. At the Kennedy Center. Oh, it's going to be at the Kennedy Center? Well, let's not talk about it too much. We don't know what's going to happen.

I mean, at one point it was canceled. You know, the president tried to stop it, and then we were back on, and then a judge ruled that, let's fucking not talk about it, please, because it could only make it worse. But do you put things up? Like, let's say, if you get it,

will you display it in your home or no? There's plenty of room on the mantel. Let's talk about you. And we're here to talk about your book, not my long awards history. But one thing I love about it is you're never sentimental, you know, this one moment I feel like you allowed yourself. You're talking about the fact that I didn't know this until I read this.

You've actually been secretly married for 10 years. Yeah. And at the very end of it, you allow. yourself a nice word about your husband. He's so controlling, but he's so handsome. It's the only little moment I find like that, because that's what I love about you.

Well, I didn't want, the only reason, it was a shotgun wedding, arranged my banker. I think it's completely unfair. I think it's unfair that married people get any kind of tax break, because what if you're like just really ugly, and nobody wants to marry you or have sex?

Why should you be financially penalized? So I think they should get rid of the tax break for everybody, for, you know, instead of, yeah, get rid of it for all married people. I couldn't agree more. No. I mean, it's the only reason I did it. And then when people say, congratulations, I don't know what they're talking about.

It takes me a minute. And then, your marriage. Oh, right, yeah. Yeah, I always thought the coolest thing about being gay was that you couldn't get married. I wanted them. I always, but. I wanted them. I wanted gay people to fight for the right to marry,

and then not a single one of them to do it. I thought that would have been... Should have the opposite. I also love that you say you hate when people use the term, like, my person. You know, they used to say that, you know... Right, that people... It used to be my soulmate, and then it was my person. But what are the odds, out of the billions of people who live in the world,

that your one person lives in your same apartment complex? Right. I know. It's always silly. Or goes to your community college. So I don't feel like Hugh is, that's my, I can't even say, I identify as a boyfriend. Even though I'm a husband, I identify as a boyfriend. I would be sad if he died. Right. If he died, I'd be sad.

For a long time. That's enough. Yeah. That's all you would need at the ceremony. Yeah. If I was going to get married, I'd be like, I'd be sad if you died. Okay, so before we went out of time, the best story, the best one I think in the book, maybe the best of the year, the decade, this is just an immaculate story, the one about the dog.

Oh. Your little dog, too. First of all, perfect title for the story. Just tell him a little bit. You're in Portland, which is a, you know, let's call it a peak woke city. During peak wokeness, it went crazy, right? I mean, like police were the enemy and all that stuff. retrenched that and you got bit by a you know you can walk down the street there and

there's a lot of fentanyl addicts that are just out and about right and one of their dogs bit you and the people around there sided with the addict and the dog they were they were like they're still better off an addict is still better off than you and like the sad part is that there's no good place for these animals and you were like is that really the sad part because Do you see this bite hole in my leg? Nobody said, how awful that you got bitten by a dog. They said, what kind of a dog was it? One person said, did, uh...

One person said, did you get the names? And I said, oh, their fentanyl, I said, we're going to give me their names. No, of the dogs, it would have to rescue them. And it was, but if I had said, if I had said, I was walking down the street, and these tech bros, I don't usually use words like that,

a dog and it bit me, they'd be incensed. But because they were drug addicts, then everybody took their side. They felt like they couldn't say that it was, they treated me like it was my fault. Or you just, well, that's the way it goes. You're better off than they are. And you get to, I think, what is just the heart of so much of our fucked up politics. You say, why is it so hard for people like this to say that it's wrong for a drug addict's dog to bite you? And your answer is because then, oh, then you're a republic.

Which is crazy because then it puts the Democrats in the position of the pro drug addict dog biters Well, I got a letter from this woman and she was walking after dark and a man was following behind her and She turned around and said, can I help you? He said, I'm homeless. Do you have some money? She said, I don't have any money on me. She kept walking. He followed her.

She turned around. She said, this really makes me uncomfortable. He said, I also take cash app. She said, I don't have that either. When she told people the story, they said, you don't have cash app? Like, that was the whole... Thank you.

Maestro, you've done it again. Great to see you. David Sedaris, like always, laugh your ass off with the reading. All right, let's meet our panel. President and founder of Eurasia Group and GZERA Media Ian Bremmer, and she is the former spokesperson

of the U.S. Mission of the UN, co-founder of the love. Lebanon and Israel Peace Alliance and host of YouTube's Oh My World, Hagar Shemali. Great to see you for the first time. And we're going to start with the big economic news because I feel like even though it's a big story today, it is not big enough story.

I mean, initial public offering, if people don't follow economics, that's where something goes public. It's been, SpaceX's been around for a while, right? Oh, yeah. Okay, and it does other things besides send rockets to space, right? doesn't it do the satellites he hasn't? Okay, so it's a viable company.

It's worth a lot of money. 1.77 trillion is it worth? What happened to irrational exuberant? This is, first of all, it's insane. Over 4,000 people who worked for the company in the past became millionaires. Not just Elon becoming. Elon's shares now are worth $866 billion. That's on top of the money he already had from his other companies.

This is really AI money, first of all, right? Is that what they're really investing in? Is that what? Okay. And then is it going to be like five people who have all the bunny in the world? And can you be a good capitalist? Here's my question. Can you be a good capitalist as I think I am or a believer in capital? And still think there should be some cap on wealth. Well, you have to, Americans believe that people should be able to make it. They should be successful. It's one of the things that really makes our country work. We don't think necessarily that someone who's worth a hundred million, even a billion, maybe

even a trillion, is necessarily a bad thing, where many other countries they do. But there has to be opportunity for the average American and their kids to get there. And the fact that we saw Graham Platner came out immediately today, there should never be another trillionaire. You know, you see Elizabeth Warren,

you'll see Robert Reich, every billionaire is a policy failure. That reflects the fact that a whole bunch of Americans feel like, They don't trust their leaders. They don't trust these elites. That Elon, the first trillionaire,

also happens to be the person that gave the most money to the Trump administration, $250 million. They don't feel like that's a coincidence. And that they don't have that kind of access, no matter how smart they are, no matter how hard they work. So for me, it's not about the money.

For me, it's about the lack of mobility, the lack of opportunity, the fact that we don't believe the money. Should you be able to have a trillionaire? Do you agree with that? Not a billionaire. I don't really have a problem with it, because I don't have a problem with how these billionaires

and now single trillionaire made their money because they've grown these companies, they've built them. But the wealth gap that you're talking about, it's important because you don't want people to feel that their very real economic suffering is because of the billionaires. You want it when the tides rise, that all the boats rise with it, right?

And I think that there's a danger in viewing the billionaires as the problem. Because then it leads from there people to say it's our economic system that isn't working. Therefore, it's capitalism that isn't working. And the problem with that, and you're already seeing those seeds being planted, right? Mom Donnie, that's his big arguments were about socialism and things like that. And the thing is, what you need, you need certain regulation, certain, maybe it's taxes, maybe things that can indicate to people.

It's not because of billionaires. The billionaires are doing business and innovation, and hopefully that has job growth. It's other ways that you want them to believe that there's opportunity that they can pursue, but it's not because of the billionaires. And the story today is trillion. Fair. Okay. Can we just get real about this?

A trillion? Would it be crazy to have a law that said you can't go above 1% of gross domestic product, gross national product? You as one person, because when John D. Rockefeller wreaked that, they did make laws. One percent, I think it's still a pretty big flex if you're trying to pick up a woman. I'm a happy. You know, if you're like, what do you drive? I drive, I'm worth 1% of the United States. That, to me, I mean, even that is money that no one could possibly spend.

I just think things get so out of whack. And again, he's not going to be the last one. The other four or five AI in-sell, you know, on-the-spectrum types. Yeah. I just don't see this turning out well. I think it's the lack of trust. I think when you had Bill Gates and when you had one, Warren Buffett, and they were not only making billions and tens of billions of dollars, even

$100 billion, which back then felt like real money, they were also doing things to change the world. They were showing that they cared. We have a story about trust and inequality right now in my city, in New York City, with this team, right? We've got $10,000, $10,000 to get in, right? $100, $200,000 to sit just right there in the front row. And yet everyone in New York, every single person, Staten Island, New Jersey, the Bronx, they're rooting. Why are they rooting? First of all, because they feel like they have a connection to the team. Second of all, because the star, Jalen Brunson, who is extraordinary, gave up over $100 million so that he could actually have more money that the rest of the team could benefit from. And they play like a

team. So it's not that Americans have a problem with people making a lot of money, but you've got to have some stake in it. You've got to have a part of it. And that's why we want the Knicks to go in five. Yeah, I do. I never used props, by the way, but I felt like today we needed to.

What a winner that was. But one seat went for a million. They sold a court side seat for a million dollars. And by the way, I thought this is so interesting. Trump, only like two weeks ago was talking about he sounded almost exactly like

what I've said about sports and the way it has migrated to streaming. You have to buy all these streaming channels. You have to hunt for the game. It costs you a lot of money. They work worse. And he said, there's something very sad when they take football away from many, many people. Very sad. I don't like it.

He said, they're making a lot of money. They could make a little bit less. You've got people who live for Sunday. And then all of a sudden they're going to have to pay a thousand dollars a game. Exactly. Then they asked him at the game the other day. The cheapest price the reporter said for the game going in is $8,000. Everyday Americans can't afford these sporting events.

I expected him to say this, what he already said about sports. He said, well, they can watch it on television, but that's the way life goes. This is my point about Trump. Keep talking to him, because he has no fixed beliefs. Other than wind is bad and tariffs are good. Not very principled. You might as well be the last person. who has his ear because, you know, he went from

it's terrible to them. Fuck you. Sucks to be you. That's the way life goes. But let me back to something you were talking about, which is people, because people, yes, Jalen Brunson did give up money. He's also got, being

paid hundreds of millions of dollars. Yeah. Yes. And a lot of Americans are doing well. You know, when people say, oh, a lucky few, a lucky, oh, it's a lucky many. The upper middle class. has grown three times. It's like a third of the country who are doing very well.

That's still two thirds that aren't doing that great. Okay. But it's enough to make people think I could be one of them. You know? Okay. So they have a slogan now

that is catching on. It's ironic because it started on the right and now it's migrated to the left. And that's the Epstein class. Let's not forget where Epstein obsession started. Q and on.

I remember when I was doing jokes about it. Q and on. nuts. And by the way, they are nuts. They think Democrats eat babies. They went when after me as a pedophile, because they got a picture of me with red shoes. Red shoes equals a pedic. But they weren't... I see a

Pope. Well, the member. Well, obviously pedophile in chief. I mean, not the present one, but the church... But I guess that's where they got it from. I don't know. And the shoes were burgundy, by the way. Point is, I think they're onto

something here. That's what the left now is is using the term, the Epstein class. And what they mean by that are people who just, these elites, they can be on both sides. Trump was good friends with Epstein, and so was Bill Clinton. It is a nonpartisan thing to a degree. It is a group of...

People are getting away with murder. Right. It's not that they're making it through their intelligence and their capacity, it's that they're networked, and therefore it's a two-tier system. The legal system doesn't apply to them. The judicial system doesn't apply to them.

political system works for them because they capture it. If America becomes a coin-operated democracy, you will see pitchforks. And the Epstein class is a reaction on the left, just as it was a tagline drained the swamp for Trump until he decided that he wanted to get his and billions and billions of dollars that they're making because of connections through power, right? I mean, you tell me that world liberty financial is worth all of those billions, that that is because they just happen to be brilliant or because they happen to be in a position of power. He shouldn't be making billions. No. I think it's their ratio is what I'm saying. You think? I want to be, I'm not trying to say, I believe, this term, the Epstein class, I understand it because what they're

trying to say is billionaires that get away with murder, basically. I mean, as you said, but get away with everything. They're infiltrating politics. They're influencing politics, how people vote and so on. The thing is, you know where else we used to see this idea or view that this is the fault of the elite. This is the elites. My suffering is because of the elite. It's the elite's fault. I can't move ahead because of the elite.

That's a very dangerous road to go down because they're laying blame in the wrong place. And that's why I would love to see our government take control more. Perhaps maybe, I don't know if the shaving the 1%, like you said, maybe there's a cap. I don't love the idea of a cap. No, I didn't say 1%.

I said worth 1% of gross national product. That's different than the 1%. Fair. I'm off of money. Does that money go to the government? Are we sure we can trust the government with what they're going to do with that money? I think to your point it's better to have if you can instill that social contract

where you have people who are pursuing charity and you have a lot of those billionaires who are doing that, who believe in donating a large portion of their wealth, who've signed these pledges for that. And so I'm trying to say, I don't think they should all be labeled to the Epstein class.

I think there's a danger. Well, they're not all in the Epstein class. It's just, they're just people. I call them the shark soup people. You know, the people, you know, it's illegal to have shark soup. It's a kill sharks for soup. But people do it. And I bet you the soup tastes like shit.

It's just that we can do it. We can get away with it. Just that what we can, Epstein, with the young girls on the aisle. We can do it. Nobody's going to stop this. That's, I think, this is what I think. Epstein class is a big piece of it because it's the sense of corruption, the sense of entitlement.

that we will never have access to. But it's also American young people right now are more skeptical about AI than almost any other country in the world. And it's because they think that they're being lied to. They think that this technology that's going to be rolled out is going to take jobs away from them, take opportunities away from them,

and that their leaders will not give them a shot. Right? The Generation Alpha is going to become Generation F'd, right? That's not going to get you anything but pitchforks. And what we've seen is when there's high inflation, and we see when there's mistrust on these issues, they vote the bums out.

Yeah. That's what you're going to see happening in the midterms. Well, we'll see. I just do think this is migrating to the left. It's their issue. Trump said he would drain the swamp, and he bottled it, basically. Oh, absolutely.

They've noticed. All right. So, listen, it is June. June is wedding season. Anyone here getting married this month? It's always a, you know, I love weddings. Just not mine. No, because they're funny.

And one of the, they are. And one of the things that's funny about them is that somebody is always making the wedding toast and it's always inappropriate. And we thought as a public service, because, you know, they have acute drinks in them and they're caught up in the moment. And then it just ruins the hallway.

We thought as a public service we would like to offer if you're one of the people. Things not to say if you're giving the wedding. Would you like to hear those? All right. Well, let's do it just like they do at the wedding right there. with the mic and they said, okay.

For example, don't say, I first met the bride in college during her lesbian phase. There's another one. Don't say. For the bride and groom, it was love at first sight. So don't ever say

nothing good ever happens on OnlyFans. Don't, don't go. Forget your other marriages. I've got a really good feeling about this one. Don't say, if she kisses half. as good as her mom. I think you two are going to be okay. Don't say these two are proof that there really

is someone for everyone in this world. But damn, that's going to be one ugly baby. Don't, don't. Am I crazy? Or is this stripper at the bachelor party and the wedding plan are the same chick? Is that?

And whatever you do, don't say. And to the groom, I apologize. Apparently I was wrong. You can pray away the gay. Oh, back to the issues. All right, let's do it this week. We have to. It's the law. Talk about Iran. Yeah. Look, I don't know what the latest is. And even if you told me what it was, I wouldn't believe you. Because it's just the same thing. It's just Groundhog Day. All these things I heard now we're going to have a, for sure, we're going to have a deal and a peace signing.

I mean, there's no way out of this for him, for Trump. I mean, it's the only way out is if he comes up with a deal that's better than the one Obama got. and the only way to do that is with a full-on invasion and he doesn't want to do that. What does he do? He's looking for an off-ramp right now, right? No, it's very clear he's desperate for a deal. Yeah.

He's desperate for a deal. He is showing his cards. The Iranian regime very much knows that. And he's trying to achieve all these goals at once. He's trying to communicate to the American public. Don't worry about gas prices. They're going to go down soon. I'm cutting a deal.

The deal's coming close. We're going to be this weekend, et cetera. And we're seeing this over. and over and over again, as you said. Was that your Trump impersonation? I can do a better one. I can do it. I wasn't ready for that.

Everyone can do it. He's also trying to communicate to the Iran regime and flexes muscles and say and back his language with the threat of force, which I don't believe he's going to actually carry through on those threats anymore.

He's also trying to placate the Gulf. The Gulf allies are really trying to encourage him not to go back into war, to make a deal of some kind. That's why he's put Jared Kushner now on this process. The problem is he's desperate to come to a deal while also trying to make it look like it's not the same as the Obama deal, which he spent forever criticizing.

And I personally am worried about where this deal is headed. I work a lot on Lebanon, Israel, as you mentioned, and I'm afraid Lebanon will get sold to Iran. I'm afraid about sanctions relief. Sanctions relief. I sound like a sanctions monger. There isn't a sanction I don't like. But I'm afraid that if he gives sanctions relief, it's too strong, it's going to fund all the proxies.

But he wants to move on. He's bored. He said that. He has said it enough. Frankly, I'm bored with the talking points as well. But you know who's not bored are the Iranian people who have been suffering under this regime, who have had families victims lost and slaughtered 30 to 40,000 of them. And they're watching to see what he does.

He took a shot at a festering problem. It didn't work. Not even close. Not close. Because, first of all, I think they just did it at the wrong time. If they'd done it when the people were in the streets, maybe the uprising would have happened. They waited until everybody got slaughtered and then sat around for a couple of months and then did it. So they fucked up the whole thing. I'd love to believe that. I hope that that's true. I don't think it is. But we'll never know. We are where we are. Yeah, exactly. Look, I'm with you right at the beginning. The headlines every week are the same. They're relentless. Is there a deal? Isn't there a deal? But there are some really big long-term things. that have already happened that we can talk about. So, for example, OPEC is over. The Emirates have pulled out, and that means that they want to produce

as much oil as humanly possible because they don't want that to be a stranded asset. They know it's not going to be worth so much over time. They want to become a global node as a city-state. That's, by the way, that's a monopoly. It's a cartel over energy, over fossil fuel energy, that is not good for anybody.

Glad to see them go. The Americans are the largest producer in the world right now. That's number one. That's a big thing that has happened. not because Trump was planning it, but it matters. Second, go ahead. Yeah, well, also, they're building pipelines now. That's right.

I mean, again, he does things in such a clumsy way and sometimes fumbles forward to a good result. That's right. Second point. And they are built because the straight or Hormuz will never be as strategically important as it is now because they got the memo. As soon as well. We've got to send the oil the other way through pipelines.

When the Chinese hit back hard and put that gun on the table, said critical minerals, we're going to shut you down. We didn't think they could. As soon as they did it, what do we all do? Start investing in critical minerals. In five, ten years, they can't use that again. It's exactly what's happening in response to the Iranians. The Emirates build a new pipeline. But the most important thing is people move away from oil and gas.

It is electric vehicles, it's solar, because we now know not just in that straight, but in Malacca, the Houthis in the Red Sea, you take some drones and you can hold a $110 trillion economy to ransom. So it turns out, orange is the new green. Trump is going to end up going down as the president has done more for renewable energy than any president in history. So that's our strategy.

Cut and stay. Yeah. Well, I think, you know, in the big picture, people just, I mean, the reason why he lost part of his coalition is because they thought he ran on America First. And we thought America first meant America has been too generous to a lot of countries, they thought. And some of that was true, I'm sure. They also thought we were too overextended.

And they wanted to pull back. And now we're not doing that. Another thing that worked out, actually, I don't think it was necessarily the way he intended, but he certainly got some credit for it. He wanted European countries to pay more. To pay more. And to take, you know, Clinton once made. made a speech and said America was the indispensable nation. And Trump was like, yeah, we don't want to be.

Why do we have to be indispensable? Okay. I mean, I kind of like that women are indispensable, and I would like to think there are things about us that are indispensable. But, you know, there is truth to that, too. He was right. The European countries could step up, and they did step up. Germany is spending more money, I think, now on their defense than they have in like 40 years in one year. I give Putin a little more credit for that than Trump, but Trump deserves some credit for that. Right. Because Putin threatened. And they said, and he said, well, this is a European problem. Not like we haven't already given a hell of a lot of money to Ukraine. Have we given something like $170 billion already? Okay. And then we kind of stopped, which was wrong. And, you know, his big

line, he said it about the Iraq, the Iran War II, at one point he said, the Iranians don't seem to realize they have no cards. Exact same thing he said to Zelensky. Well, both of them have cards. We're not the only one with cards. He just manifests these things. They're begging for a deal. No, they're not.

Just because you say it doesn't mean it's going to happen. That's the problem we have. But the cards thing, tell me what your thought about that is, this idea that Ukraine, which is, apropos of your hat, the biggest comeback since the next. Oh my God. I mean,

did any of us think I didn't I didn't think Ukraine could beat Russia but they did. It turns out, right? That necessity is the mother of invention. These guys are getting very seriously not like the Europeans.

And let's go back to Elon for a second. Starlink, he shut Starlink off for the Russians back in February which means that their drones are no longer working. And now the Ukraine Because Ukrainians, without people on the front lines, are able to actually take territory. And that is a very serious change. Ukrainians have a hell of a lot of cards right now, and they're putting a lot more threat against the Kremlin

that the Kremlin is presently putting on Kiev. And, you know, Trump should back a winner here. So you'd like to see him engaging a little bit more with... I'm not expecting an apology, you know. I'm not expecting a thank you for doing all of that, as Vice President Vance would say. but the Americans might want to pivot a little bit towards a winner. Yeah. That's the one thing he would understand, is winners.

And Zelensky doesn't need an apology. Winning. Winning is the best apology there is. And, I mean, where are we a year from now in this war in Ukraine? I mean, it could be... I mean, Russia can't just constantly put people into this meat grinder. How many people do they have left? They emptied the prisons.

They got all the dregs of society, put them as cannon fodder on the front line. Who's left to fight this war? Russia could go for a while, though, and dictators do that, right? They sustain a lot. They don't care as much about it. They certainly have no value for human life. We already know that. And they have constant feed, not just from prisons, but from other countries, North Korea, China.

They have ways of fueling this machine. But your point about Elon Musk is major, because this is really what shifted things for the Ukrainians, because Russia's now going into the front lines blind, whereas the Ukrainians see everything. Now, in a year, I mean, who's to say? Because there's a peace process, allegedly, or a deal. I mean, Putin said that he's going to do this. He's offering talks with Zelensky.

The administration is overseeing it under Steve Whitkoff, I believe. But, you know, who knows which way it'll go. But I actually have some hope for this one, even because there's a, because all of these, the Ukrainians are being very creative. and they're finding ways to push the Russians back up against the wall. And that, by the way, in Iran would be the same. The only way you're going to get a deal that you really,

any deal that you could try to fashion that would work in our favor and in our national security interests is if you have their backs up against a wall. Otherwise, Russia and Iran, similarly, they're just looking to survive as long as possible. Outlast Trump, get to the next leader, last as long as possible without collapsing. And dictatorships have a way to do that for very long time. Even with sanctions and all that. I wonder if the world will take it.

note that no matter what form of government you are, if you're Goliath, doesn't mean you win. That's right. Doesn't mean you win just because you're bigger and your budget is a zillion times more and you have more of this and more weapons and more of that. It's going to be a stalemate. The good news is that the Chinese are seeing that and they understand that for Taiwan, for South China Sea. Their lesson is, you know, this could actually go very badly for us with the military that's been hollowed out and that we haven't actually engaged. in fighting for decades.

The issue, though, is that Putin himself, he's not getting any younger. He looks pretty bad. He's spending most of his time isolated, right? Not with good advisors around him. His former bodyguard is one of his top national security advisors right now. I worry a lot that his things get worse, especially if Zelensky's able to bring that direct threat

to him in his inner circle, but that's when you get something really bad. Yeah, he can last for a long time, but there are very few constraints on him. Chinese really recognize that this is going badly. Putin just went over there, and a couple Chinese leaders told me right after the meeting, they said, yeah, we know this is going badly. We want a ceasefire. We're prepared to push harder. And I said, well, do you feel more optimistic? Like, he's not listening to us. You talk to Chinese leaders?

Sure. Yeah. And Xi's okay with that? I can't talk to Xi. He's okay with me talking to Chinese leaders, sure. Really? The foreign minister had a press conference with me last time I was in Beijing. I think it was. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Okay. As long as they tell the party line. Well, look, they're going to talk about what they want to talk about. You shouldn't be trusting that they're not suddenly.

They're giving you some secrets that they're not interested. The point is they understand the war in Russia has been bad for China. This is an ally of the Chinese. I think the big reason why Xi Jinping went to Pyongyang last week was because he was hoping to get more information and some leverage on a country that's close to Putin right now, that's provided to 2000. I still think they want Taiwan. I think that's their Cuba. They do want it. They're never going to give up until they get.

I agree. But they're learning some lessons near term because they're seeing that Goliath, as you just said, Bill, isn't always winning the way Goliath thinks they are. Okay. Let's leave it there. Time for New rules, everybody.

New rules. New rules, if you work for Vuna Nexus, the company that collects human urine and turns it into liquid fertilizer, and I sit next to you. And I sit next to you on a plane and ask, so what do you do for a living? Just lie and tell me you're in sales.

I don't need to hear about how the urine is collected and then processed to spread on the food that I eat. There's enough going on right now that scares the piss out of me. Well, now that Jill Biden has released her memoir, A View from the East Wing, Melania must release her memoir in which she describes her view from the East Wing, a backhoe, a mound of dirt, and a porta-potty. Holy kid

Ha ha ha ha Uh, new rule, the steeple chase The track and field event Which starts with a gunshot And then is a foot race Where you have to keep jumping over a thing And landing in a puddle Must be renamed

Running from the Police And it must end with climbing over a chain link fence While a dog bite you on the ass That's... New rule, people who get a tattoo Of their area code Must tell me how I'm supposed to respond to that Because of a lot.

Because of a little bit of, all I can think of is two things. So you really like your phone number, huh? And can I see one of the zip code on your ass? Well, you can make the new non-alcoholic Coors Light if you like, but first you have to show me the person who was drinking Coors Light for the taste. Because, really, if you take the getting drunk part out of this, if you're taking a sip of this and thinking,

hmm, yum, I hate to tell you this, but you have long COVID. Well, let's get real about Graham Platner. If you've been sleeping on politics lately, well, who can blame you? But the big story is the Democrats can likely take back the Senate in November if they win Maine. But their local candidate official now up there is after the primary this week. Let's just say a guy who has a backstory that screams, don't ask. Now, I don't judge Graham Platner because I'm just learning who he is. Problem is, so is he.

What I do know is he served his country in the Marines, in war, and you can never discount how big that is. But then there's the sexting while married, scary behavior, so say some of his exes, old posts about how he's a communist, and all cops are bastards, and black people don't tip. Well, they don't tip cops. I can understand that. Here's a typical Platner quote.

He said about the Iraq War, you can think it's dumb and also kind of not want to miss it. Oh, Graham, I feel the same way about so many things. The Oscars. Christmas, Taylor Swift's wedding. That little speech Nicole Kidman gives before the movie comes on where she looks insane. And then, of course, there's the Nazi tattoo on his chest. I mean, seriously, this guy's whole life is the movie The Hangover.

He doesn't need a term in the Senate. He needs a gap year in Costa Rica. I would still urge the folks in Maine to vote for him for two reasons. One, we need to restore balance in our government and a Democratic Senate would help a lot with that. And two, get used to it. America is a country filled

with a lot of broken, horribly educated, phone-addicted, sort of nutty people. And as long as we live in a representative democracy, we are always electing our reflection in the mirror. I wish the tattoo was the scariest thing about Platner. It's not. That would be his solution to a home invasion, which is to rape the home invader.

And no, of course, that's not policy he's proposing. It's a fantasy, his ex, as he talked about. Next week, it'll be policy. And to be fair, he said the raping wasn't something he'd do in a gay way, because that would be weird. Okay, this is the kind of thing war does to people. That's who we created. Our society is not healthy.

We create broken people, so don't expect politicians to suddenly become Lincoln-esque again. Tom Keene Jr. is running in New Jersey, despite the fact that he's gone completely missing for the last three months. No, biggie. He says in the future, he'll be completely transparent. Tom, completely transparent is what you are now. Are you okay, Tom? Are you curled up in a ball? And he's favored to win

because I'm just guessing a lot of people say, hey, we've all been there. Oh, there's going to be more bad tweets from candidates that haven't aged well, more bad tattoos. Did Plattner know the tattoo was a Nazi symbol when he got it? Maybe. But people today are so inundated

with misinformation and internet bullshit. I wouldn't trust he knew what it stood for anyway. Everything people know now is from social social media and shit posting and whatever some other idiot sends them, or whatever the Chinese are feeding them on TikTok. Every single violent actor in the last five years, from Trump's assassin to Luigi, has prompted a headline that said some version of

experts find markers of both right and left-wing political views. Yeah, because we have a new breed of voter today, people who are intensely political, but somehow know almost nothing about politics. liberal, conservative, I don't know what makes you either one. Conspiracy theories, that they know, and memes and trolling that also might be true.

Marine Galindo is a Democrat who ran for the House in Texas this year. Describes herself as a judgment-free sex therapist? I hope so, who wants a judgy one? What would that be? Well, plainly, your dick's too small. Okay, so she's Judgment free, namaste. But she's also said during the campaign

she wants to turn the ICE detention center in her district into a prison for Zionists and ICE officers. But she says, putting Zionist billionaires in prison does not mean putting all Jews in internment camps. So a moderate. I guess she thinks she's progressive? Because hating ice, okay, check, and hating Jews share that.

that's progressive now, but concentration camps? I associate that more with conservatives. Is that just me? Crazy. It's just not a deal breaker anymore for running or serving. The Secretary of Health

keeps a freezer full of roadkill. Even the worm in his brain is like, I'm not eating that. I mean, our current president just speaks out loud his internal monologue. You know, what the internal monologue is, right? It's just

that stream of thoughts that we all have pouring through our heads all the time and that we all edit. We edit our thoughts. We don't just fling all of our feces.

We have a straight of her moves between our brain and our mouth where we don't let everything through, but not the President of the United States. You're either crooked or you stupid. I am the chosen one. Who knows better about surprise than

Japan? You're just a lightweight. You're a terrible person. I don't like mosquitoes. He's a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren't captured. I know you're not thinking. You never do. Hey, I'm president. Did you believe it? I mean, politics has always been a crazy

game, but the people running weren't this crazy. My winner, though, this year, Victor Marx, yeah, I just heard of him recently. Victor's a Christian minister who may soon be governor of Colorado and who performs exorcisms over the phone. Which I think gives the devil an unfair edge.

I do. The power of Christ compals. Shit, I'm in a tunnel. Victor Marx says things out loud that he just seems to have hallucinated. The way AI does sometimes when it tells you that the key ingredient in fettuccini is glue. Victor says

he rescued 45,000 people from predators, which is about 45,000 more than anyone can verify. He says he called in an airstrike that killed 70 ISIS fighters, which is impressive, considering at the time he was not in the military. He says he was forced to kill a man when he was seven, and when a reporter asked, do you think you've killed people as an adult? His answer was, does it matter? I think it does.

Thank you very much. I want to thank my guests. Bremer, Hagar Shemali, and David Sedaris Club Random Grubs every Monday on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcast. They'll go watch overtime on YouTube. And thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I appreciate it. Thank you very much.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch them anytime on HBO on demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.