Real Time with Bill Maher - Episode #372 (Originally aired 11/20/15)

Episode Date: November 20, 2015

Episode #372 (Originally aired 11/20/15)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series, Real Time with Bill Maugh. Starts a clock. Good afternoon. At the show, time will be real time. Thank you. Now you're going to make me miss you more than ever,

because, you know, this is our last show of the season. That's right. Well, I always take the holidays off to work at Dr. Ben Carson's charity. You're familiar, Doctors Without Clues? But, of course, we're leaving at a very nervous time for the country and the world. The number of Americans who now say terrorism is the biggest problem we face doubled in the last four days. Wow.

Replacing America's previous biggest problem, white girls who wear Pocahontas costumes. But, no, there's a lot to be frightened about. That's true. But I'm pretty sure the five scariest words I've ever heard are Donald Trump has a plan. Yeah. Yeah, after the Paris attacks, Donald Trump. Donald Trump is rising in the polls. Republicans think he can do the best job fighting ISIS

because he said a few days before the attacks that he was going to bomb the shit out of ISIS. And then somebody told him, but Don, we've been doing that for a year. We've dropped 28,000 bombs on them. And Don said, but is the shit out of them? He also floated the idea of closing down mosques, but he's going to do it his way.

He's going to buy them, turn them into casinos, and slide them into bankruptcy. It's, so, he also, he kind of walking this back, when he was talking about yesterday, setting up different places across the country for every Muslim to register so they can be tracked. This is going to take a lot of manpower. Sounds like we're going to have to hire Mexicans.

Hey, you know how I always say that the net immigration number now is zero? Actually, that's only been for the last seven years. It's not that anymore. It's negative. Over the last five years it came out today. a million Mexians have gone back to Mexico. We're going to need a wall to keep them in. You know, the guy who parked your car, he's not coming back.

And some people in Mexico are not happy about this. Well, they're drug dealers, they're rapists. At least that's what I hear on my favorite Mexican morning news show, Fox and Amigos. Oh, Fox News, has anything controlled? more to the stupidity of Americans than Fox News. I don't think so. And I'll give you, I'll give you proof, because I'm sure this comes from Fox News.

It was reported today that a majority of Republicans, a majority think unemployment, has risen under President Obama. It was 7.6 when he got into office, now it's five. Again, Republicans, that second number is lower. Republicans view newspapers like Syrian refugees. Whatever you do, don't let one in your home. Are we doing that thing where we groan first And then decide if we're good people

Don't do that on the last day Because you fucking people are going to make me quit this business I swear to God I'm just going to stay on the road where they don't groan Because it's only the assholes who get in for free Who groan Can we get the stick out of our ass, please? It's the last show

What are you groaning about? Christ, that's right? I hate liberals. But look, Republicans are tripping over each other to try to look tougher on the Syrian refugee issue. Chris Christie? Chris Christie says he wouldn't even let in a toddler. After all, he said they're known to make a boom boom.

Oh, speaking of boom boom, France, they are not fucking around. Have you seen what France is doing? Bombing Syria? Okay, they suspended their constitution. They thwarted another attack, and they killed. the ringleader of the Paris attacks. And they didn't... How brave have you?

Yes, we're against killing ISIS. I'm so glad we're on that page. But they didn't just kill this guy. They went French chef on his ass. They reduced him to a thick sauce. And how about the people of Paris? So defiant. I love this.

Sitting outside in bars and cafes in record numbers. They're not ignoring the threat. They're snubbing it. And President Francois Hollande told Parisians, he said, Never let terror win. Go be with the ones you love and tell them you love them. And then if you have time, drop in on your wives and husbands.

All right, we've got a great show. Christopher Flynn, Senator Angus King, and Ben Dominique are here in a little later. He's speaking with Andy Cohen. But first up, he is California's lieutenant governor. That's our state. Who is leading a ballot initiative to bolster our state's gun laws, Gavin Newsom. everybody. Gavin. There he is.

Good to see. One of our favorite guests. Thank you. Thank you. Now, you are the lieutenant governor of California. Yes, sir. I was reading your resume before I came out here. That's very impressive. And you've already announced that you're going to be running for governor in 2018. Thank you. 2018? That's like three wars from now. Yeah, well, I hit three wars from now. It's better to be...

You got me on that. It's better to be candidate than Coy. I mean, there's nothing worse than politicians that are saying, you know, that know exactly what they're doing, but don't tell you what they're doing. So I'd rather just be transparent. And Governor Brown has said he's not going to run that year? Again. Even though this is his fourth term, he has turned out.

Finally. I love him, but finally. You're like Prince Charles. I'm not waiting behind this old bag anymore. But he's going, you got to admit it. He's doing an unbelievable job in many ways. I was going to try to tick off the things that he's in just in the last few months. Because, I mean, California, folks, you should be happy you're here if you're liberal.

We passed a concealed handgun law. You can't have concealed handguns. Okay, against the grain of most of the country. Automatic voter registration, right? That's one of them. Yep. Keep going. Illegal aliens can vote.

That was passed by the? There's some question about that. So, yeah, no, that one will push aside. Assisted suicide. That one, we finally passed. Which I thought was right. Principle. Pregnancy centers can promote abortion.

Yep. Right? And hopefully next year, dog groomers. No. And the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. strongest gender pay gap law in the nation. Is that right? Yeah, no, we stepped up. Ladies and gentlemen, we are living in a socialist factopia. But you know what's interesting about that? And all those things were huge accomplishments. But I think at the end of the day,

the biggest accomplishment that goes and flies in the face of conventional wisdom, particularly from the right, is for all the progressive values you just enunciated, we haven't been profligate. We've proven you don't have to be profligate to be progressive. We've gone from a $27 billion deficit five years ago, now to three years debating the size of the surplus. So I think that's the biggest story about California's turnaround. And I think it's an important lesson because listening to the Republicans, listening to Fox News and the rest, you'd think raising minimum wage, having paid sick leave, doing universal health care, universal preschool or after school, would be a recipe for a dystopian outcome.

And the reality is it's exactly the opposite. Cities like San Francisco are more vibrant than they've ever been with these progressives. values. The state is more vibrant than it's been in a decade plus with these values. And I think we're proving and asserting ourselves in a way that I think we'll, I think, translate to other states. Let's talk about the... Let's talk about... Well, I mean, we'll see.

I mean... We'll see. Other states are very different. I mean, you know, when you're the governor of this state and then you're the president, it's going to be a little different. I mean, it's very easy to be governor big balls here in California. You know, because you've been out front on a lot of issues. I mean, you were the first one there on gay marriage.

Now you're going to do it on weed. We're going to get to that. Let's talk about the gun one. Because that, I mean, Democrats are afraid of the gun issue because Al Gore lost his own home state in 2000 of Tennessee when he came out sort of for some sort of gun control. California has it. Donald Trump says if Paris had guns.

I know. I just, I mean, this sort of mythology of the gun, a guy with a gun that's going to come save the day. I mean, it's right out of the movies, sort of this gun-slinging fantasy. The reality is it's most likely to create more harm, more damage, more lost lives in those circumstances. Really? So if you were in a restaurant and a crazy gunman came in, you wouldn't want to have a gun? You'd rather just be shot? Well, I would hope that folks sitting next to me that haven't been trained, that don't necessarily, don't respond well under stressful circumstances,

don't get up and then start pointing the trigger or pointing a gun and shooting. But hasn't the worst thing already happened, a crazed man, men who's bent on killing everyone? How could it get worse? Yeah, well, I mean, well, I could get worse than you live in a country with 300 plus million guns, in a country that the NRA is out there promoting guns for terrorists. Let me just repeat what I just said. As audacious, they believe that everybody deserves a gun, including terrorists. From 2007 in this country, we've been trying to close a loophole

that deny people that are on the no-fly zone in the United States the ability. Those are the folks that can't get on airplanes. The terrorist watch list. The terrorists watch this. They are still allowed to buy assault weapons legally in this country. 2,000 have in the last decade. And the NRA has stopped that at every single effort, every single attempt. That's the perversity of the country living in it.

But let me give you more. You know, we're in a country where we've had more mass shootings than we've had days of the year. We're on pace to have 390 mass shootings by the end of this calendar year. We've had 52 toddlers, 3-year-olds, gun down in this country. A couple years ago, we had more. more toddlers shot than police officers in the line of duty. We have got to reconcile this. We've got to get our arms around this.

And with all due respect, we've got to take on the NRA. And we've got to take on folks that are just out there. Seriously. And you've got to have the guts to do it. I don't even give the NRA due respect. I wouldn't say that to them. No, you can't. Enough.

So, okay, so a lot of the governors around this country do not want Syrian refugees in their state. They've made that plain. if you were the governor right now, what would your position on refugees? Well, we've been accepting Syrian refugees in California. We have 252. Without incident for over the last couple years. We've accepted tens of thousands of refugees

over the course of the last few decades that have assimilated extraordinarily well in California. One thing we're not going to do is we're not going to play the politics of fear. We're not going to turn our back on people that have been persecuted, turn our back on people that have been threatened by terror. We're not going to sort of play the xenophobic game of trying to one-up Republican governors.

And we're certainly not going to subscribe. But what is the number? You say 252. And then Obama won't? 11% of what the country is so far. And he wants to put 10,000. California will do it's part. But there is some number that would be too many, right?

Germany wants to accept upwards of a million. Would that be too many? Yeah, I mean, perhaps. But the bottom line is, whatever we do, whatever the number is, it's a vetting process. And right now it takes 18 to 24 months to be vetted. And 50% of people have been rejected in this country of the 2000 that we have allowed in. The vast majority are women and children and seniors. And so with respect, what's amazing to me about this debate, Bill, and it really is amazing,

is the idea that terrorists need to wait two years to get asylum status versus just getting a plane ticket and getting on an airplane. Because we have a visa waiver program in this country, 20 million people take advantage of. The terrorists in France and Belgium were national or citizens of France and Belgium, and they could come over. We want to close that loophole. Senator Feinstein's got a bill to do that. So 2016, weed is on the ballot. Going to be on the ballot. You're for that.

It's long overdue to tax and regulate for adult use marijuana. This came about from a blue ribbon commission. Why was I not on it? Because we knew your position well in advance. Will it pass this time? I think it will pass. Yes, Ohio was badly crafted legislation that was monopolistic, and Ohio did not have a medical system in place like Colorado, Washington, Oregon. California's had a medical system since 1996, a mature system, and I'm absolutely confident that we can do it in the right way, and we'll give the voters of California the opportunity to do it next time.

Final question. El Niño's coming. Will it solve our drought problem? They're not going to solve it in one year. No? I wish it would. Oh. But the hots are getting hotter, the colds are getting colder, the wets are getting colder, the wets are. getting wetter, and that's a reason that perhaps the most important meeting that's happening the next month in this is out there in Paris with the climate talks, and we've got to get serious about climate change. All right. Well, thank you for coming on, Governor. I mean

Lieutenant Governor. All right, Gavin Newsom, let's say hello to our panel. How are you, everybody? All right, he is the publisher of the online magazine, The Federalist, and host of the Federalist Radio Hour, Ben Domenich. How are you doing, Ben? Good to be here. Did I say that wrong? I'm so sorry. He represents the state of Maine in the U.S. Senate where he serves of the Armed Services and Intelligence Committee.

Senator, Angus King. Senator, how you doing? And she's a Canadian member of Parliament for University Rosda. Rosita. Rosedale. Rosedale. That's your district. That's right.

That's right. I'm sorry. Who was recently named Minister of International Trade. Wow. Congratulations to Christian Freeland. Thank you. All right. Remember to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram,

and send us your questions for tonight's overtime so we can answer them after the show on YouTube. All right, I have many questions about what was going on. Last week we were on just as the news from Paris broke. Now we've had a little time to think about it. I'm going to try to hit a lot of points.

Let's start with this. We hear a lot about how we need more war. Donald Trump wants to bomb the shit out of them. We have dropped 28,000, I mentioned that, 8,243 raids, 60 bombs a day. How many more would work? Bill, how many more would change things? More war is exactly what ISIS wants.

Right. They even have a term for it. They say there's a gray area between Muslims who live in harmony with people from the West. They want to eliminate that. They want to make it us against them. They want a war between the West and Islam. And to the extent we give them that, it's a gift. Okay.

So we went to Afghanistan to root out jihadists, right? Now there's more than ever. Went to Iraq when there weren't jihadists there, just in case they came there. Now there's a lot of them there. Yemen, same thing. Would someone who wants more war, just tell me when has more military intervention ever defeated terrorism? Because I can't think of an example. Well, I think in this case, you're seeing, to your point, a situation that has played out over the course

of a number of years in a lot of negative situations. We've seen the lessons taken away from the experience in Iraq, as Tony Blair said just most recently, ISIS would not be where it is today if you would not remove Saddam as a dictator, in his opinion. What we learn time and again is that these bullies who exist on a local level, bullies like Gaddafi, bullies like Saddam, they are actually a buffer between us and these radicals. And I think that, unfortunately, as sad as it is, you have to be realistic about this situation, which is that we can't be the policemen of the world.

So that means keeping Assad, right? It does. It does, in my opinion, mean keeping Assad. I don't agree with that. Assad is ISIS's evil twin. They're in existence in large major because of Assad. That's not true. That's not true.

Sitting here in comfort in L.A. preaching to the people around the world that they have to continue to be ruled by authoritarian murderous dictators. But are you going to take them out? No. Are you going to spend the bloc's alternative? What I am saying, Ben, What happens?

What happens? What we also have to understand is people power is real. This is the technology age, and dictators around the world are being taken out not by us, but by revolutions by their own people. That is an geopolitical reality. That's not really true. It has happened. Well, there was a big revolution in Egypt in 2011, and what happened?

A guy took over, and then they had an election, and the Muslim Brotherhood took over, and the people decided, well, the army's even better than that. sometimes there aren't good choices. People would be a lovely idea. The point of making bill is we have to accept that the choices are not all our own. And we have to accept that the world is no longer a chess board between bad and worst.

Between bad and worst in the situation that, look, was Saddam bad, of course he was. Was Qadhafi bad? Of course he was. Is Assad bad? Of course he is. But is the worst case scenario I'm not arguing that the invasion of your rap was right. And Canada is a fair point about not dictating because I think a lot of Americans are myopic about really every issue. So when they talk about Muslims, they think about American Muslims, which there are six million of.

There's another billion and a half around the world. And to be an American Muslim is a pretty good deal. If you want to leave the religion, you can. It's sort of a boutique Muslim experience. And I would also say... As is ISIS. ISIS is a sect of a sect of a sect. I mean, they're a boutique within Islam as well.

But just to finish in this for one second about American Muslims. Okay. I think that Islam is a problem. But I don't think American Muslims are the problem. That is not the squeaky wheel that needs the oil in this problem. Yes. And that's not the reason why I think you see this opposition currently among the American people to bringing in these refugees.

It's not because of xenophobia about Muslims. It's because they don't trust their government to be able to tell good ones from bad ones when you're bringing them in. Just think about this for a second. If you brought in 65,000 refugees, as Hillary Clinton wants to do, even if you're right, 99.99% of the time, you've still got six guys who come in who have terrorist inclinations. Look what they just did with eight.

Look what they just did with 10. But you were just talking with Gavin Newsom about the visa waiver program. Focusing all this attention we've had this week on the Syrian refugees, and I think it's a serious vetting situation, 18 to 24 months, perhaps it should be even more serious, given the instability of the region. But the real problem is the visa waiver program. You know how many entries there were to the United States last year under the visa waiver program? 20 million.

You mentioned that. 20 million. It's attacking the Syrian refugee problem and ignoring that is like attacking Brazil after Pearl Harbor. It's a vigorous response, but it's the wrong target. I think we all agree on that. That's what I'm saying. It's not the squeaky wheel. And I think it's important with the refugees.

It's really important to remember what is happening there and what our response says about us. In Canada, a platform commitment for us, we just had an election, was that we will admit 25,000 Syrian refugees to Canada by the end of the year. And that, yeah, it's good. And that was in your campaign?

That was in our platform, and we won a landslide majority. And I think it was partly because of that commitment, and we are working hard to do that. And what we are saying to Canadians is the Syrian refugees are not the terrorists. They are the victims of terror. And our response is what is going to define us as a country, and it is going to have a contribution to what is happening in the Middle East. When people see countries like Canada, countries like Germany opening their doors, what we are saying to ISIL is you are not going to define who we are,

and you are not going to make Muslim people feel that we are hostile to them. Do you know the definition of a Canadian? A Canadian is an unarmed North American with health insurance. We're neighbors. I can see Canada. To the point that there's a difference between American Muslims and their experience and Muslims around the world. I think, you know, we here in the West experience occasional terrorism,

as bad as it is. Muslims around the world experience every day. day terrorism. Yes. I'm talking about the wife whose husband can beat her with impunity. The gay person who, if he comes out, will be put to death.

The maid who can be raped with impunity. The intellectuals in the Muslim world who would like to speak out, but they see bloggers getting killed, or the artists who would like to paint what they want and they can't. I don't know why liberals can't stand up for those people. Those are the Muslims on whose

side you should be. They're the ones who are being punished by radical Islam, which is what this is. And it's important to understand that. It's important to understand that. But that's why it's important to be supportive of the Syrian refugees. These are the victims of the people. The Syrian refugees is

to kill the people who are killing them and let them go back home. And by the way, the only way ISIS is going to be defeated ultimately is by a Muslim army. Yeah, I agree with that. But let's not I strongly agree with that. No, I saw this today in the news on TV. 56% of Americans believe that

the Syrian refugees have odds that are at values, their values are at odds with our values. That may not be wrong. If you are in this religion, you probably do have values that are at odds. This is what liberals don't want to recognize. You may be from a country, as there are many, many Muslim countries that either have Sharia law or want Sharia law. Those values are not our values. Can I read what David Cameron said, he's the Prime Minister of Britain, as we know, he said, the root cause of the threat we face is the extremist ideology itself. Let's not forget our strongest weapon, our own liberal values. We believe in respecting different faiths, but also expecting these faiths to support the British way of life.

Too often we have lacked the confidence to enforce our values for fear of causing offense. And then he talks about the horrors of forced marriage. he talks about how the utter brutality of female genital mutilation is too common in his country, nearly 4,000 cases, and that's just the reported cases, 11,000 cases of honor-based violence. I'm not saying this is going to happen in America, but this idea that somehow we do share values

that all religions are alike is bullshit. And we need to call it bullshit. No, I actually strongly disagree with that, Bill. I think that it is incredibly important, particularly now after the Paris attacks, particularly now with ISIL raging around the world, to stand up for real diversity and to say our diversity is our strength. So keeping women a second-class citizen is just diversity? I'm not saying that.

But you are saying that? No, I'm not. That's what it comes down to. No, I'm not. What I'm saying is we in Canada are not going to say Muslims are worse than Christians or are worse than Jews or are worse than atheists. The ideas are worse. No, and their culture is not worse.

And we also appreciate that ISIL does not represent Muslims. And it's now more important than ever to say that. Not completely true either. Look, there's 1.5 billion Muslims. Surely we can agree that there is a portion of them, a portion that does number in the millions. If you take these pupils on the popularity of ISIS. If it's one-tenth of 1% is 1.6 million?

The point, but in Turkey, in Turkey, in Turkey, it's 8% and that's of a country of 75 million people. Let's assume that's the take of argument. So wait a second. You're saying 8%. 8% of how many people? Of 75 million.

I can't do math. Six. Okay. 6 million people agree with ISIS. And you're telling me it's the same as our culture? Our culture is a very diverse one. And I think now it is incredibly dangerous and very wrong to persecute Muslims. We're not persecuting.

There's anything wrong with being a Muslim. Bill, I think Cameron's right. We've got to stand up for our values and not say that we're going to tolerate something that in our culture we don't accept. On the other hand, one of the tricks, one of the things that ISIS is up to is to try to get us to clamp down on all Muslims, regardless of who they are, where they are, and push them into the ISIS camp. I had a Muslim girl that was a foreign exchange student that lived in our house for a year, four years ago. She was the most peaceable soul in the world. She prayed five times a day.

She didn't even know about September 11th. Couldn't figure out why those guys would do such a thing. So I don't want to push her away. But I don't think you push her away. Because this is just an elite piety. There's no difference between these two things. And you're right about that. But just think of what you're saying.

Are you guys saying the Muslim faith is by definition worse than other people? No, I'm saying that there's a difference between the rabbi. The idea is. If 6 million people in a supposedly moderate country agree with ISIS? You know, I read this article recently. It was attacking me about my beliefs on such things. And they said, oh, Bill, you paint with two broader brush.

What about Indonesia, the moderate country of Indonesia, which most of it perhaps is? And then they went on to say, only 18% believe in honor killings. Yes. Really? So one out of five people in the country that you're holding up as the moderate country believes if a woman is raped, we blame and kill her? And the problem with Islam is... No, you've been most of your show pointing out the dumbness of Americans.

You know, if you look at opinion-dumness is a little different than... No, seriously. I mean, it is very, very wrong to demonize a religion. I'm not demonizing. I'm just reporting. You are making it a demonization. But the challenge is how do you take that 80% and have them squash the 18, the ideas of the 18? Okay, but think of what you...

And you don't do it by saying to them Muslims are bad. But you're not saying that they're bad. You are saying that you go. We're saying the ideas need to be changed. You're saying their ideas are bad? Killing women for being raped, I would say is a bad idea. Yeah, I do. Hang me for it.

You know what? Also, I mean, today... The Bible says an eye for an eye. But we don't listen to the Bible. And very many Muslims don't listen to these extreme positions. But we just went through some numbers that said an alarming number do. You went through opinion polls. Opinion polls?

Yeah. That's what you were just saying? So they're all lying to the opinion poll? No, but they're actually telling... I'm saying we don't need to say an entire religion and the people who believe in it... We're not saying the entire religion. We're saying there's a radical portion of this religion that takes these ideas and uses them as they fuel to crush people and to kill people, and that that is something that needs to be squashed for the same people.

And that there is a notion. But look, that statement is very... That is obviously true. But it is really important now more than... ever for us to be standing up for moderate Muslims. That's what I'm trying to do. That's what I'm trying to do. You are, I mean, there are a lot of Muslims who agree with me.

I had one on last week, Ostranomani, and she says the exact same thing. She said, people like you are the problem because they close off a debate that we need to have. She said, you know, when I was a child, I would like to have gone out and talked about this with you, but I couldn't leave the house unless I was accompanied by a male guardian. and we couldn't have a drink because I wasn't allowed to do that either. I'm for her.

Who would you for? No, I am absolutely for her. I am absolutely for her. But I am saying now, at a time when some people are talking about things like only admitting Christian Syrian refugees, it is really important to stand up for them. Keep in mind.

I'm sorry, but it's time for a comedy bit. Okay. What more perfect segue. Now, as I mentioned, is our last show of the season, and as always, when we are about to go away, we predict what the headlines will be, because, you know, a lot of people get our news from this show. So we will be back on January 15th. We will be covering the entire political year from the Iowa caucuses, right through to the inauguration of President Ted Nugent. But here are the headlines you will

see while we are off. 2015, hottest year ever. Republicans claim thermometers just a theory. Chris Christie names Own Ass as running mate. McDonald's promise is to stop using strange ingredient that isn't food. Uber drivers to offer outpatient medical procedures. I think that actually will happen.

Man buys crap at yard sale that turns out to be slightly rarer crap than you'd imagine. Volkswagen admits Jeddah, Nazi code word for vengeance car. Scientists say salt. once thought good for you, then bad, then good, then bad, then good again.

Now definitely bad. Lamar Odom struggles to remember why he married narcissistic white girl. Campus activists demand apology for what to be determined later. Yes. Rachel Dullesal stopped by police asked to re-identify as white.

Jeb Bush flat out offers other candidates money to quit. And Donald Trump's biological father speaks out. I just want to see my boy, says Bob. The host and executive producer of Bravo TV's Real House Lives and the author of the Andy Cohen

Diaries, A Deep Look at a Shallow Year. Andy Cohen is over here. It's great to be happy. I appreciate it. Now, I hope it's okay that you're here on such a day where we're so, you know... I know, it's a little bit of a downer.

I know. I'm happy to be here any day. But you were a producer of news. I was for 10 years. at CBS News. We tape at CBS. Yes, we do. It still smells the same in this building, actually.

What is that smell, Andy? It's like my elementary school. I can't describe it. Yes. So, I know your mother says that you, she's a fan of this show, but didn't want you to do it because she didn't think you were smart enough?

That is true. That does not sound like a Jewish woman? No, I know. She's the ultimate Jewish mother. You are her favorite. This is her favorite. And she doesn't think that I have the intellectual capabilities

to be on the show. There were many days that I wrote about in the book where she would say to me, listen, I had a really sleepless night. I am begging you, don't go on the Bill Marshow. And I said, Mom, it's not an issue. They're not calling. They've not asked me to be on the show. So don't worry.

No, this was before the call. That's not true. We always wanted you on the show. You're just the most busy men in show business. Oh, thank you. I mean, you have a talk show. You have the producer of all the real Hollywood Wives shows. Yes.

You have a tour that's going on with Anderson Cooper. You have this book. I mean, for a gay man, you have your finger in a lot of pies. Tell me, am I. Well, that's what gay man. I mean, this is what we do. This is what we do. How do you juggle a schedule?

It's all fun, you know. I just have fun and do my thing. Yeah, it's great. Okay. Yes. So everybody in the media has been saying all year long that this election is a reality show. So I thought,

As long as we have the major duomo of reality shows, I would have to put that question to you. Well, I've been watching Donald Trump, I mean, who came obviously from a reality show, and he reminds me of a first season Orange County Housewife. I know you may not be familiar with the show, but he really does because they have delusions about their place in the world. They will say anything.

They will say any damn thing, and there aren't always repercussions. And there's a weird phenomenon in season one where they're on the show and they haven't totally figured their makeup out and then they see themselves. And they're like, oh, my God, I got to adjust it. But he keeps getting orangers. So he's still in season one of the show. I can't stop.

And the debates are a whole another thing. Now, they're getting big ratings. That must make you a little jealous. I mean, 25 million people watch that first debate. It's incredible. But again... Even housewives don't get that number. They don't.

But they remind me of Housewives, union shows. Yeah, look. I mean, which I'm moderated. We do these reunion shows and I'm the moderator. And I keep waiting for the Republicans to say, you know what, let's just let Andy do this because he knows the turf because they're all trying to interrupt each other. Hillary, I thought, was really interesting on the Democratic debate last week.

Sure. Where she was, she had that kind of tirade about Wall Street at 9-11, which was a really, it was her kind of table-flip moment. if I can make an analogy to Teresa Judice. It was a big moment for her, but if you actually listened to Teresa Judice when she flipped the table, what she said didn't really make much sense. And I think that was kind of the same as Hillary.

But it was such a good moment. I was like, oh, yeah, you know, go Hillary. But that is so true of politics. You don't have to make sense. You just have to look like you're making sense. Exactly. And have the emotion. We all are so hungry for emotion

and realness from these candidates. So is there any candidates? I mean, there's now, I think we're down to 14. There were 17. We lost Bobby Jindal this week, very sad. And Rick Perry's out. Scott Walker is out. The fetal alcohol vote is up for grabs.

Is that the vote that's up for grabs? Yeah. Well, Scott Walker and Rick Perry. Yes. But what about Lindsey Graham? Do you know who he is? You're following? I know who he is.

He's John McCain's boyfriend. Right. Are they still together? Are they still together? Well, they do everything together. I mean, we're not saying they're together. Right. We're just making a joke.

I would like... I got to tell you something. Is it too late for Lieutenant Governor Newsom to step into this race? Because I am... Everything he says I'm in for. But it's too early. Yes. He's got to get to be the governor of California.

And he's got... But, I mean, he's Governor DREAMy, right? Yes, he is. Nick DREAMy. I always call him. Yes. Governor Dreamy is out... But, yeah.

But Lindsey Graham is the only Republican candidate, and they're all trying to out-buts each other on how to be tough. They're very tough. Yeah, very tough. He's the only one who wants to actually send boots on the ground. You know, he's very adamant about that. We've got to get into Syria yesterday with troops. Do you think he's compensating?

Oh, do you think he's overcompt? I'm asking the question. Right. Right. Like straight guys who talk about girls a little too much? Right. has to be... Right.

Yes, that's exactly... No, you've said it. That is exactly what I bet it. Well, you know, Ted Cruz, his... I realized this week, he sounds like he's in regional theater, his voice. Have you noticed this? No, I don't know what that means. What does that mean, regional theater?

Just listen to his voice, you'll get it. Okay. All right. So, let me... As long as you're talking about the politics, how do you think the Paris attacks are going to affect the politics of our election. Now, after it happened, a lot of the pundits said,

oh, well, this is going to be good for Jeb Bush and Chris Christie and the normal Republicans because people... No. No. Totally wrong. Trump went up in the polls. Mr. I'll bomb the shit out of them with all his dumb ideas is doing better in America.

Because Washington has, over the past 15 years, given the country failures in Iraq and Afghanistan and Libya and Syria and screw-ups of all manner when it comes to the domestic scene, Katrina, everything that's, you know, they can't even build websites right. And it's the sort of situation. They look at Washington, they say, nuts to all of you. You got to get everybody out. You know, we're going to go with this outsider because he says this is all bullshit and he's right.

And that, I think, is all that Trump is really going on here and he's doing it as well as he did with the reality show. One of the other things, though, is that electing a president, it's a very deep thing. There's a lot of psychology to it. And in many ways, particularly in times of danger, you're electing your dad. You're electing someone to take care of you. And Trump comes across as tough. His kids do love him, but I mean, come on. But in this, you ask the question, how will this affect the election?

I think it's going to play in favor of the person that comes across as tough and all of that. you know, bomb the shit out of them. I mean, that's a terrible idea. Right. I want my dad to tuck me in, though. That's scary. I think it's going to be a hope versus fear election. And I think you're going to have a lot of candidates

pushing very hard on the fear button and trying to stoke that up and say, the world is a dangerous place, it's really terrible, convince you it's even worse than you think, and offer to protect you. And I think a winning message can be from a candidate, as we heard from the lieutenant, governor who says, actually, I have a hopeful, progressive message. And that is leadership.

We don't know what the issue is not on the ballot. We don't know what the issue is going to be a year from now. But I take your point. A lot of people are feeling hopeless right now and helpless. And I would say it's both better and worse than you think. It's better in the sense that it looks like we never stop a terrorist attack. We actually stop a lot of them. And I think the ball we have to keep our eye on is, nukes. Let's not forget that there are many, many people in the world, and I'm sorry, but the

vast majority of them are of the Muslim religion, who would like to kill all of us, and they don't care if they die. And the only thing that's stopping them from doing a far worse thing than Paris is access and know-how. I'm glad many of them only read one book.

Because that's a nightmare of them. The only thing that is stopping them from getting a nuclear weapon, and let me tell you, 9-11 Paris will look like nothing. If there is a nuclear attack of that order goes off in a major city, fun will be on hiatus for a generation. My concern is, in the immediate, softer targets.

The fact that they're going to start going after, from my perspective, not the harder ones that we have secured. Today, two guys with guns killing 27 people at a hotel. It's the Santa Monica. It was another attack in Marley. And that's what we should be worried about, and that's what's tough for to guard against. The real nightmare, though, is a nuclear weapon in the hold of a tramp steamer coming into the port of Miami.

You're absolutely right. Or the port of Los Angeles. And that's the big, because they killed 3,000 people, September 11th. If they could have killed 3 million, they would have. Happily, they want to. Let's not forget that. You mentioned... This is a cheery concluding note for your last episode. This is supposed to be the happy part of this.

Well, this is... But I think we can be optimistic, though, because I think in the long run, I think our values actually do win the day. And they win the day for a number of reasons. Yeah, I'm sorry. You were talking earlier about the difference between the experience of Muslims in Europe and the experience of Muslims here, Bill. In Europe, Muslim refugees who come to France are never going to be true Frenchmen.

But if they come here, they'll be Americans. Right. That's one of the things that's better about our country, frankly. I strongly agree with you, Ben. Same thing in Germany. Yeah. And, I mean, in my country, we have a 50-50 gender-balanced cabinet for the first time ever. That was a big deal.

And, yeah, it was a good deal. And one of our ministers... And you have a very hot prime minister. I can't comment. He's my boss. I mean, let's... I'm not allowed to comment on that. His wife is a very gracious, beautiful lady as well.

All right. But one of our cabinet ministers, our youngest cabinet minister, who is 30 years old, is Muslim. and she's actually a refugee from Afghanistan. And the mayor of Calgary, a great Canadian city, is Muslim. And I think that kind of integration really is the strongest assertion of our values possible. But see, that integration is hard. That integration is hard. In 2011, the Obama administration had to shut down the Iraqi refugee program for six months

because they discovered that about a dozen guys had gotten through who had fingerprints on IEDs trying to blow up our soldiers. I just think it's very difficult to trust this government. to be very competent and responsible when it comes to processing. You mean the Obama government or just the American? The government generally, what we've seen for 20 plus years from Washington. But like, Ben, that is a council of despair. I mean, are you saying no one ever can come into the United States?

No. No, no, not. Of course not. So what are you saying? Because the conversation about the tourist visas was really smart. Could I ask another question before we have run out of time? I mean, we were having this fundamental really difference about what is bigotry. I think bigotry is not asking Muslim.

to do more. We seem very shy. You mentioned a few minutes ago. Why don't they fight their own wars? Why don't they? It's like treating them like children. To me, that's the real bigotry, is that we never seem to ask them to do anything. Why can't they fight ISIS? Why are Muslim armies so useless? They have the troops. You know what they do best? They say, we'll hold your coat, contribute a little money, you do the fighting. that's got to stop. Right. And as long as we're doing it, switch it around.

That's got to stop. We'll give you money. We'll give you aid. We'll give you whatever you need. Take care of the problem yourself. Okay. Look, well, that, I think, Bill, you're going to have to come to Canada because that is... I'm always in Canada.

Well... I was there the day before the election. By the way, your attack ads are hysterical. They're like, oh, the other guy, he's a nice guy. I think I could do a little better. That's an attack ad in Canada. I have just one minute left before we go to new rules. I wanted to mention this for weeks, and we always run out of time.

Our friend Jimmy Carter, who is a hero to me, I think the only American president who never fired a shot. You know, he's ailing, and in the summer, when he got sick, he had a press conference, and they asked him what he would like to happen before his time on Earth was over, and he said, I would like the last guinea worm to do. die before I do. Because 3.5 million people, 3.5 million people in Africa used to die from the guinea worm. I'm not sure what that worm does, but it's not good. Water filters that

Jimmy Carter and his people put in there reduced that to 126 people. So I just think this is a better way to handle it than bombing people. Thank you, panel. Thank you, audience. Thank you, pal. Time for new rules, everybody. New rules. Okay. You know, if we're going to ban people

from the Middle East, can we start with the world's number one hypocrites, Saudi princes, move to L.A., to do all the un-Islamic stuff they can't do back home? I'd rather have a hundred Syrian refugees next door than Prince Abdullah bin Dushbag. Is that okay? Okay.

All right. New rules since last week, it was revealed that Winnie the Pooh is a girl, not a boy. Winnie must go all the way and come out as a lesbian. Come on, it's obvious. Her face is always buried in someone else's honeypot. See, I scared them from booing me. It works.

New rule, come on. Come on, Indonesia. I realize you're not a rich country, You know your environmental policies are bad when people look at this reverend thing, great, where am I supposed to shit now? No, I'll stop trying to make prostate massage a thing. This is the new Nexus Revo prostate massager,

and if you find it at all intriguing, then you're a very different person than I am. Nexus calls it the next step in male pleasure technology. I call it $133 worth of no thanks. The closest I get to this, This is every couple of years at the doctor's office, and not once if I thought, I could get used to this.

Don't keep looking at me when you do your... I'm not looking at all. Neural pizza boxes have to stop being racist. Look at this cardboard hate crime. It suggests that every Italian who cooks pizza has a mustache and dresses like Super Mario. It's 2015. High-time pizza boxes reflected the guy

who actually cooks my pizza. A Mexican. And finally, new rule. I know the Constitution says there can be no religious test for holding office. But sorry, you can't get your hands on the nuclear launch codes if you own a painting of yourself with Jesus in a bathrobe. This is a painting that hangs in Ben Carson's home of him and Jesus apparently enjoying a spa day. So yes, you can believe whatever you want and still run for office, but it's got to work the other way, too. As a voter, it's perfectly fine for me to say, uh-uh, Dr. Giggles.

Because you, sir, are a clear and present ding-dog. Now, we here at real time have had our fun with Ben Carson, who seems like a decent man, so I try to overlook some of his, shall we say, unorthodox beliefs, like the pyramids are full of Cheerios. But when he said that prison turns men gay, when we all know that's the Bravo Network. I had to put my...

Now I know I have you. But Ben Carson is a seventh-day Adventist, a religion founded in the 19th century on Pastor William Miller's guarantee that Jesus would return to Earth on October 22, 1844. Spoiler alert, he didn't. Which you think would have made the followers go,

well, I guess that would. was a bunch of bullshit. It's like believing in the Wizard of Oz after Toto pulls back the curtain. But no, that's logical, and this is religion. Seventh-day Adventists are obsessed with the world ending

and refer to the world not ending in 1844 as the great disappointment. They're disappointed that the world still exists. I don't have to agree with a politician on everything. We can disagree. on abortion, entitlements, paid sick leave, the earned income tax credit.

But the earth staying is kind of a deal breaker for me. You know what my great disappointment is that I live in a country where four out of ten people believe we're living in end times and that the stupid media never asks Jesus freaks running for office. Two questions. Do you believe the world is ending soon? And is that a bad thing? Because I'm the opposite.

of an end timer. I'm a spend timer. I want to spend as much time as I can on this planet. And I want some planet left for the children and grandchildren who are always kicking the back of my airplane seat. Politicians here love to talk about fundamental differences. This is as fundamental as it gets, folks. Lamar Smith is the chairman of the House Science Committee,

and he's a Christian scientist, which means he doesn't believe in science. He wants to repeal Obamacare and replace it with prayer. John Shimkus is chairman of the House Subcommittee on the Environment, and he says, don't worry about rising sea levels, because in the Bible, God promised Noah there won't be any more floods. So what if the oceans are dying and we kill all the fish? Christ can make more. He's done it before.

No wonder nothing gets done in this country. How serious can people like this be about wanting to improve the future when they don't think we'll be around for it? A majority of evangelicals say Christ will either probably or definitely return to Earth by 2050 depending on his schedule.

So why fix the streetlights if they're just going to be a big fight with Satan? Why reform health care? Why wear pants? Ben Carson says he could, quote, feel God's fingers pushing him to be president. You know what? Tell God to keep his fingers to himself. Because we know where those fingers have been in every war in human history,

from the ones he started in the Old Testament to the one that just played out in Paris. But, just in case I'm wrong about the apocalypse and the end does come while we're off, let me make sure I say it now to all my fellow liberals, who I do really love. Merry War on Christmas. And happy Hanukkah to all of our agents. All right, that's our show. We'll be back January 15th. I want to thank my guest, Ben Dominique.

Did I get it better? Senator Angus King, Krista Freeland and Andy Cohen and Gavin Newsom. Join us now on YouTube. Thank you, folks. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10th, or watch them anytime on HBO on demand.

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