Real Time with Bill Maher - Episode #373 (Originally aired 1/15/16)

Episode Date: January 15, 2016

Episode #373 (Originally aired 1/15/16)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night series Real Time with Bill Maugh. Start the clock. Good afternoon. At the tone, time will be

Real Time. Thank you. It's great to be moving away. Thank you. Thank you. But I know why you're here because it's free

and you didn't win that lottery. Okay. Thank you very much. I love you. and how many saw the Republican debate last night? Or as I call it, the hateful aid. Wow, that was some hair-pulling cat fight, wasn't it? I tell you this about the Republicans.

They know their audience. You could not be bloodthirsty enough. Any time the discussion turned to anything about national security, they were this close to professional wrestling banter. ISIS, when I get in the room, with you, you will not be degraded, you will be destroyed. Right? I mean, it was this close.

It's so comforting that the party of impotent white rage is also the party of concealed carry and stand your ground. I tell you, these guys love the Second Amendment like nobody's business. I mean, Chris Christie defended the right to own a 50-caliber

rifle which can shoot through armor in case robbers, break into your house in a tank. Chris Christie was trying to burnish his asshole credentials last night. He said, Obama, we're going to kick your rear end out of the White House in the fall. Yeah. I think the Constitution is going to do that for you. You had your chance to do that in 2012.

He also said Obama was a petulant child, right. Obama's a child, says the man who needed surgery to give his stuff. stomach a timeout. Christy was tough. He said he would not allow Syrian refugees into this country. He's going to keep them all stuck on the George Washington Bridge.

Oh, I'm telling you, that testosterone was flowing in that room. They were all so amped up, except, of course. What can I say about Dr. Ben Carson? The human screensaver. I mean,

everybody else would talk and fulminators. and then they would go to him. It was like a now-a-word from the International Space Station. Every time he would talk, it would take a few seconds for him to come back online, like a computer that was in sleep mode. It's just sad.

They asked him if he would put boots on the ground to fight ISIS, and his answer was, imagine if ISIS nuked, because they have nukes. Imagine if ISIS nuked our electrical grid. That would be really bad. He's just not really presidential material. He's more like the guy who starts talking to you

when you're waiting for the bus. And admit all this, I love this. Lindsey Graham, you know, John McCain's boyfriend, came out and endorsed Jeb Bush. I love the way the potty-trained Republicans still think that they're in charge of the funny farm it's Trump's party now, guys. Get the memo.

It's Donald Trump's party, and it probably is going to be his country soon. And boy, did he stay on message last night. Donald Trump said, swarthy foreigners are sneaking into America, but enough about Ted Cruz. As well, you know, it's a good point. As you know, Ted Cruz,

not born in this country. He was born in Hades. The child of Satan and a dog. And when Donald Trump and Ted Cruz fight, it's impossible to know who to root for. It's like a car salesman versus a car thief. It's Putin bombing ISIS. It's like sharnado if the shark fought the tornado. Of course, Cruz stepped in it this week.

This is what he picked the fight with Donald Trump over. He said, Donald Trump has New York values. And then the cover of the New York Daily News today was Drop Dead Ted, picture of the Statue of Liberty, giving him the finger. So, no, Republicans, here's your New York values right here. All right, we got a great show, Dr. Cornell West, Wallace, and the Little Airby, speaking with John Krasinski, is backstage. But first, as the world's leading voice on climate change, he has won an Oscar and Emmy, a grand, and a Nobel Peace Prize.

He's now the chairman of the Climate Reality Project. Please welcome the 43rd President of the United States. Al Gore. They love you. You could have won again. You won once. So, listen, I got to know you a little bit last summer. Yeah, that was fun.

You were in San Diego. You came to see my stand-up show. It was very flattered. We talked after the show. You seem in a really good place. You seem happy and relaxed. Well, thank you. And you deserve that.

Well, I appreciate that. I have work that really motivates me to pour every ounce of energy I have into it. And before I say anything else, I've got to get something off my chest, Bill. I really want to say thank you for hitting out hard and consistently with truthful commentary on the climate crisis week after week after week. No. Well, thank you. Thank you. It's the issue of our time. As you pointed out a long ago.

Well, all right, as long as we're getting things off our chest. All right, all right. In 2000, I was for Ralph Nader, and I was wrong. And I told you that in San Diego. You did. I was wrong. I was young and impetuous. And I fucked up, and I own it.

Okay, so let's talk about climate because Obama did something interesting today. You know, he's been denying that there's a war on coal. but he has been fighting a war on coal. He's been winning it. Great. It's a war we finally won. And a war we should fight. Coal is bad.

And what did he do today? Well, he did something really great. I want to start by saying that the coal miners are really addressed also in a very thoughtful way. He wants to give a lot of retraining and care about their future. But this rule that you're talking about is really significant. he put a hold on all new coal leases on public land. And this is a first. And what a lot of people are excited about also is that he's launching a process to, for the first time, require the calculation of the full costs of burning coal,

the social cost of carbon, the climate costs. And a lot of people say, why haven't we been measuring that all along? It's not that hard to do. But what he did today was really significant, and I applaud him for it. Yeah. And you know who pays the greatest cost for coal? Coal miners? Never understood why they're fighting for those jobs.

It would be pennies on the dollar to retrain them to do something that didn't kill them. Yeah, many years ago I proposed a plan to try to retrain, get them better jobs. the late Senator Byrd from West Virginia endorsed that plan. I think that there is a way forward, obviously, because those jobs are dirty and dangerous. And by the way, they've been eliminated in droves by the coal companies automating and the rest. You know, you were ahead on so many things,

not just climate change, which is the issue of our time, and you are the leading voice, but you were right about Social Security and the lockbox. Yeah. They wish they could use that phrase now. And you also were the person who did bring us the Internet. And one reason why... It's true, but it's true.

And I tell you something, not to go back, but one reason I was so mad at you in 2000 was because you didn't own that. When the Republicans made that a laugh line, you kind of like laughed along with them, which I thought was the wrong tack. And you were the one who did enable that. That wasn't around in 1979.

Well, on the legislative side, That's true. The scientists came up with all the ideas in engineering, of course. But some people stuck up for me. Newt Gingrich, of all people, came to my defense on that, really and truly. I really appreciated that. Well, he's a visionary. Well, on that he was. Remember, he wants to put the disabled on the moon. Okay, so let me ask again about the climate thing.

Because the big news this last year was Paris. It was a big conference in Paris in November. 190 nations signed on. President Obama said it was a turning point. The right-wing pooh-pooed it. Is it a turning point? Yeah, I hope it is. The reason I qualify it only slightly is that it gives us the chance to really solve this crisis.

It sends a very powerful signal to the investor community and businesses that the era of carbon-based fuel. fuels is coming to an end, and that they should take advantage of one of the most exciting events in the entire history of technology and business, which is not as well known as it should be. And that is that the cost of producing electricity with solar cell, solar photovoltaic cells, has now come down so far, so fast that in many areas it's now cheaper than electricity from burning coal. And in many areas of the world, that's true. And the more we expand solar energy, the faster the price comes down. We're very close to the point where it's not going to be economical to burn fossil fuels for electricity anymore.

Wind is also coming down in cost. So the Paris Agreement is almost certainly a turning point because it's like the starting whistle. Let's get with the renewable energy. Investors should get rid of divest themselves of oil stocks and coal stocks and particularly the dirty fuels like the tar sands and start shifting over to renewable energy. Now there are some naysayers who say, well, these provisions in the Paris Agreement are not all binding. Some of them actually are binding. But it's a start. It's a start. To get 190 countries. And every nation in the world is on board with this now. And America really is alone in having a a major party that says global warming is just a hoax, right?

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I hate to bring this up, but you went to divinity school, right? I did. OK. The reason that is, is because we're the most religious country of the modern countries. And religious people don't think global warming is a problem. They think the world's going to end. Like 40% of Americans think the end times are coming in their lifetime, because they want

to meet, you know who. So, it's... So, all I'm saying is... Well, I disagree a little bit on that, because... I mean, actually, Pope Francis gave you a cyclical last year. Awesome. It really was. I agree.

It made a huge difference. And there are many people of faith in all the traditions who actually do understand the climate crisis is an existential threat to the future of humanity and are trying to do something about it. Dr. Cornell West is going to be on your panel. He's at a seminary. He's sitting there right now. There you go.

You're saying, wrap it up with Al Gore. I got to... No, but there are a lot of religious people who really are helping to lead towards solutions on this. We'll agree to disagree on that. I love you. Thank you for coming on. I'll see you soon.

I hope. All right, he is an activist and a professor and the author of Black Prophetic Fire. He's everyone's brother, Dr. Cornell West. She was White House Communications Director for President George W. Bush, My Old Job. The latest novel is Madam President. Nicole, Nicole. Thank you for coming by.

And the brave man also joining us again. Chairman of the Faith and Freedom Coalition, not my old job, author of Awakening How America Can, turn from economic and moral destruction back to greatness. Ralph Reed. Ralph, thank you for coming. Thanks, Bill. All right, remember to send us your questions for tonight's overtime

so we can answer them after the show on YouTube. All right. There's a lot of important issues, but as someone who has lived in New York twice in my life, who grew up across the river, I have to ask, what are New York values? This idea that, you know, some people are just, You know, the Republicans who constantly lamb-based Obama for dividing America

and then create smaller and smaller circles of what really is America. Chicago? No, that's Thug City. And Hawaii, part of Kenya, and L.A., full of queer. Whatever that, you know, tell me what New York values are, because I don't know. I mean, I think they just became Donald Trump's path to the nomination. Wow. I really do. I mean, I think everybody that was, I'm in the 12-step program of acceptance toward Donovan.

I'm rounding 10, nearing at step 11. I'm almost there. About Trump? On Trump, yeah. I mean, we were just talking about how Trump and Sanders are the frontrunners in each party. And if they were anybody else, no one would be talking about how, oh, Bernie can't win, Trump can win. I mean, you know, they are, they have been ahead for a little bit now, and it's very likely they can win. But I think that answer on New York and the rebuttal that Trump gave made it a lot easier for people to envision him as the Republican.

I don't have a dog in the fight between Trump and Cruz. I'm officially neutral in the race, but it may help Trump in some places. It probably won't help him in Iowa, which is the first on the calendar. I know. And it wasn't nice. I mean, Iowans are nice.

And there's an Iowa. I was wondering how long after 9-11 before politicians could goad shit kickers into hating New York again? And I guess that's the answer, 15 years. And now we can check. on New York again. Because you certainly couldn't have said that two years after 9-11, right? That's true. You still can't say it. I mean, I think New York is a place where tons of non-New Yorkers are all over the city all the time. So lots of people like New York

other than just people. Well, I'm very blessed to live in New York on 120th Street. Uh-huh. Harlem. Absolutely. Blessed Harlem. And I will admit, though, that Brother Trump, he did tell the truth in terms of there are beautiful people in New York City. So anybody can stumble on the truth. You know what I mean? But I do, but I think it's very important to understand that you got Amsterdam news, you got Daily News.

You got the New York Times, you got New York Post. You got the New York City of Trump, New York City of Eric Gardner. The problem with Trump is that he's a multi-billionaire pseudo-populist with autocratic sensibilities. and some fascist proclivities. Dangerous about it. But as a politician, he is a natural. He's for real.

He's just not for right. Ted Cruz is pretty... Ted Cruz is pretty clever, but he walked right into that trap. And all Trump had to say was, you're telling me who's a real American. You're from Canada and Cuba. You missed America twice.

And you're running, what Ted failed to do was he failed to sufficiently make it clear that he was citing an October 24th, 1999 interview between Tim Russert and Donald Trump, in which Trump said six times in 90 seconds that the reason why he wouldn't take a position in support of traditional marriage, the reason why he was pro-choice, and the reason why he took other socially liberal positions, was he said. Trump said this. I grew up in New York. I grew up in Manhattan. I'm more socially liberal. So what happened was when Ted failed to say, these are your words, not my words, you said them here.

That's when he walked into the pun. Wasn't he looking also to make a dog whistle? Because when they asked him at the debate, what do you mean by New York values? He said, I think people here in South Carolina know what I mean. And then he went on to say, like, people in New York, You know, who... Well, yes, but he also said they dominate the media and money.

Who dominate? What ethnic group? I can't put my finger on it. It's the Armenians. I don't think that's what it was. No, the Episcopalian? No, the Episcopalian? No, I don't think that's what it was at all.

I think what you were... Is it the Muslims who dominated? No, you were... Bill. Who dominates media and money? I keep rocking my... Bill, get out of calendar. You're two weeks before the...

Iowa caucuses. They're in a dog fight. And he was trying to say to people of faith in Iowa, I share your values. Now look, Donald Trump has come our way on every one of those issues. On life, on marriage, on religious liberty. He's definitely moved closer to our position. We accept him at his word that he's evolved on those issues. But that's the danger, though. If you had, if you had one position and you think it's going to get litigated in a campaign. The problem that Ted Cruz has, isn't that he misspoke about the interview, it's that he doesn't have a single friend from a single stage in his life to ever back up a single thing he says on that stage.

So he's really, he won a technically perfect campaign. I agree with that. She's got a strong point. She's got a strong. I always thought, I agree. I always thought Ted Cruz had the most punchable face. In the government, wait a second. Until I saw the state of the youth.

Union and Paul Ryan sat there behind Obama pouting like a bitch. No, he was listening! Show this, show this. Right now has the strongest, most durable economy in the world. The United States of America, listen. Is the most powerful nation on Earth. Period.

Really? You can't applaud to that? If you're mad at him, you've got no one. you've got no one. He is the biggest, he is the best thinker in our party. I will say right now that he is, he is right now.

But wait a second. When the President of the States says we're the most powerful nation on earth, he's like, well, I can't applaud for America as long as President Blackenstein's cooties are all. I mean, he spent 30 minutes talking to Paul Ryan

before that speech start. Paul Ryan has more bipartisan relationships and has more Democrats who've got his back than Ted Cruz has Republicans. Bill, all you did was show the one line. That line, no, that never, he applauded it twice. But Bill, that one line

was part of a sustained attack on Republicans where he he didn't applaud when Obama said we want to criticize cancer. He didn't applaud for cancer curing. That's true. And we got to hold, I'm not going to show it, but Nancy Pelosi, the last Bush

speech, applauded for him 33 times. 33 times. Because she's not a dick. It's just being a dick. He's not a Oh, come on. I'll tell you this. Nancy Pelosi is no longer speaker,

and you better used to looking at Paul Ryan because he's going to be there for a long time. Yeah. I agree. We shall see. We shall see. We shall see. We shall see.

So let me get in one more issue before the break, which is the boat in Iran. We had two boats that wandered off course. Our fault, I think we admitted that. We bungled it to somebody else's space. Ted Cruz immediately in the debate says I would bring the full force of the U.S. military that the tweets that went out

even before Jeb Bush tweeted our sailors aren't coming home they need to be now no more bargaining. Obama's humiliating weak Iran policy What's that they're free? Like before they finished tweeting they were free But Obama's Secretary Defense and Obama's State Department said that the videos of our soldiers humiliated on their knees with guns to their head

were difficult to watch. And John McCain, a former prisoner of war... I did not see guns to their head. Well, the State Department and the Defense Department said that watching those videos was difficult to watch. And, you know, the Geneva Convention, which I know you are very fond of, call for safe passage. You say that sarcastically, like they're an asshole thing.

No, I'm for them too, but I'm not trotting out some Republican... The Geneva Convention, like this guy... They're not trotting out some Republican set of rules. Also against cannibalism. What a liberal pussy. Bill, they should have never been detained. Iran currently holds Jason Razine, who's a Washington Post reporter that they've held for over 500 days on trumped-up charges,

an American reporter with dual citizenship. They've held Saeed Abidini, who is an Iranian Christian pastor. For three years, he's being beaten. He's being denied medical care. This is a brutal, terroristic regime. And that's why... To have them mistreat our service personnel is just a sign of their brutality. If this was before...

They detained our service them when they should not have in violation of this. They could have been there for years and Ben Affleck would have to go in to get them out. Brother Rao. That's right. That's right. That's right. I mean, there's never any perspective with you guys. But you have to admit that we can say exactly the same thing about Saudi Arabia. The same thing, and we would be saying it if they had artichokes rather than oil. Brother, I'm not going to defend the aspects of the Saudi Arabian regime, which I strongly disagree. We want to be against tyranny across the board.

Saudi Arabia did not fire medium-range missiles in violation of U.N. sanctions three weeks ago, and they are not funding Hamas and Hezbollah, and they did not fund the terrorist militias that killed American soldiers in Iraq. That's true. but they are... So don't compare the two. They're playing war crimes right now in Yemen. Yes. Right, but they didn't take a propaganda video.

They're opposing the Iranians. They're killing innocent people there. They're horrible. They're gender apartheid regime among other horrible. Anyway, so listen, we just got back from our winter vacation. I'm glad you all came back, and I always go to Hawaii. I just got back. Boy, are my lungs tired?

That's nice. Nice, that's nice. And whenever I'm off, it's interesting because people come up to me and they want me to be their voter guide. Who should I vote for? Really, who should I vote for, Bill? Not me, Bill. Not you. Not Ralph.

But I don't run into you. Getting high in Hawaii. Okay. But if you ever liked you, Ralph, you. That's quite all right. Okay. Anyway, the point is, I always tell them, just do what I do and vote for who. your favorite celebrity endorses.

Because this year has been a banner year for celebrity endorsements. They're all coming out of the woodwork. The Duck Commander came out for Ted Cruz. Show the tape. I've looked at the candidates. Ted Cruz is my man. He fits the bill.

He's got me. He loves us. He's a man for the job, and he will go duck on me. So if that's who you love, vote for Ted Cruz. So these are all real. We got a hold of a bunch of celebrities

and their endorsements and their stated reason. These are really the reasons they said. These are quotes. And then we're going to tell you the actual reason they're voting for them. For example, Jennifer Lopez endorses Hillary Clinton. She said, quote, I think it's time for a woman.

Real reason? She's afraid Trump will deport her whole family. Mickey Rourke endorses Dr. Ben Carson. Is that real? Yeah. These are all real. He said, quote, I like the doctor. Um, the black dude.

Oh, my God. Real reason, I don't just support this brain surgeon. I'm also a client. Oh, my God. Buddy Velastro, the cake boss, endorses Chris Christie. He said,

he has created an environment in New Jersey that gives small business a chance to thrive. Real reason? You know I make cake, right? Gary Busey, endorses Donald Trump, he said, quote, he can change the country after the last eight years.

Real reason, Gary has no memory of the last year. Porn star Jenna Jameson is endorsing Marco Rubio. She said, quote, he's the clear choice. Real reason, impressed with anyone who can come all the way from Cuba. Lou Farigno endorsed Trump. He said, he said. he's a fabulous guy and I hope he goes all the way. Real reason?

Trump smash. Oh, my boyfriend, Seth MacFarlane. He'll be on the show next week. He endorses Bernie Sanders. We'll get to that. He said, because he's the only candidate who's serious about climate change. Real reason? An old Jew in the White House?

The jokes write themselves. George W. Bush endorses Jeb Bush, stated reason he'd be a day. Damn good president. Real reason? Praying to someday be considered the second worst president. The nominees and stars in the new Michael Bay film 13 hours. The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi, which opened today.

John Krasinski. Very nice to you. I'm here. Very happy to be here. Everybody. Hey, great to see you. Good to see you, too. And let me tell you something.

Let me make a prediction. Your life is about to change in a big way. Really? Because you're doing this show. Yeah. No, because you are going to be in a giant hit movie. Thank you. Maybe you have been before, but this one is...

Thank you very much. America's going to love it. Thank you. And I just have to ask you before we get, because it's a very serious movie, but you've done a lot of comedy. Yeah. While you were filming it, did you ever have a temptation to do one of those, Jim from the office, turned camera takes?

It's like... I should have. We give you the order to stand down, and then you go, with a gun. That's what I should have done. I mean, those takes, I have to say, you did the best takes to camera since like the silent film era.

Yes. Is that true? I'll take that. Me and Buster Keaton. You and Buster Keaton. I miss that show, by the way. Thank you. I miss it too.

All right. But let's talk about this movie because it's really an amazing movie and it's a serious movie and I think it was a movie that meant a lot to you because I know your family. Yeah.

You're from a military family. I am. people in your family are in the military. And you are concerned about the fact that we live in an era where most people have no idea what the military goes through. Absolutely. I think this is a huge issue that I certainly

was more emotionally plugged in than I thought I was before. I always have supported the troops. And like you said, I come from a huge military family. I have aunts, uncles, cousins that have served and are currently serving. So for me, I thought I knew everything that I was talking about. And then you actually get to spend real time with these guys.

So my guy that I play, I have. got to meet him. He's an ex-Navy seal. And I don't know what I expected. Maybe some guy in a trailer out in the plains with tattoos who doesn't talk to people. These are the people who are able to do this job. And no, it's an unassuming, wonderful, gentle man who's an incredible father, an incredible husband. And what it showed me was what these men and women are leaving every single time they deploy. And so when we say we support the troops, I think we need to say it over and over and over again because you can't thank them enough for that. That's true. I would totally agree with that.

It also is somehow true that they very often want to deploy. Yes. Which is another, yeah, absolutely, sure. I mean, this was the Hurt Locker. Yeah, exactly. They go home, and they were in the grocery store, and they go, this is not nearly as much fun as smoking a rack. Yeah, exactly. Waiting for stamps or something is not that much fun.

No, it's a real thing. And, you know, what I, again, what I learned from these guys, especially the special operators, is they have a bond with their team that they have made a commitment to their team and their group of friends and comrades that we all make to our families. So you say to your family, I'll always be there for you. And then you say to this group of comrades, I'll always be there for you too. And that's got to be a huge conflict to live in. So one of the questions I asked the guy I played is I said, you know, when you hear on

the news these things about seal teams or, you know, other people that got into a conflict, do you wish you were there? And he said every single time. And I'm thinking, wow, he's got his family right here. And he said, because I was trained and I dedicated my life to make a lot of a difference, I can make a difference. And that's a very amazing way to live your life. And let's just put out the

situation, because I think people's memories are fuzzy about Benghazi, right? It was 2012 on the anniversary of September 11th. There was the embassy, the consulate, which we know was attacked. And then a mile away, there was a CIA Annex. A CNA annex.

Yeah, CIA Anx, which is, you know, it was top secret at the time. And so what it is... Well, probably not. Exactly. The movie, the movie The movie talks about that too, that there were cameras all around. There were Westerners walking in the... So there's 25 CIA people there. Correct.

And they hired six of you guys to protect them. Yes. These are ex-military. Right. It's the GRS. Coming back to protect them. So when the shit starts going down into consulate, you six guys want to go help your fellow American.

That's right. But the head of the CIA in his compound is like, no. Because if you leave there, who's going to protect us? I hired you. Right. I'm paying it. Right. But you go anyway at some point.

Now, at some point, people are going to conflate this stand-down order with Hillary Clinton. For sure. And the thing about it is, first of all, I just want to point out that the story you just told many, many, many, many, many people don't know. And I think that's the most important thing that we're trying to do in this movie is the politics of this. Everybody says, how did you deal with the politics in the movie? It was pretty easy because what happened that night was before all the politics.

All this conversation and all these opinions happened after that night. So when these guys are taking bullets, and trying to save lives. There were no congressional hearings. There were no emails. There was nothing on their mind other than the heroism. So I'm glad you pointed out the whole story, because that's true.

Now, as far as what happened with these guys, another thing that you pointed out is they are not, at the time, they were not current military. They had no obligation to go. In fact, they would have stayed safe. They could have kept those 25 people safe. And within an instant, they went anyway. And that's what's so heroic about what they did.

Six guys took on the numbers or upwards of 200 people all night long. So, and then the stand down order, you know, something that's really interesting that just came out in an interview is one of the guys did say, he does believe that the stand down order did not come from all the way up top. What he does say is that the CIA director that night, the station chief, did say to stand down.

And what we talk about in the movie, the way it's depicted is, I think we all have to give credit or address the situation, which is, it was insane. And things were changing very, very fast. So the only thing I think we can sort of bond to here something like a car accident. In a car accident, you have to act on instinct immediately. And when someone says, how did you get out of it?

You don't know. So to say, you know, everybody had the information and they were deliberating and deciding what to do, that's not true. And thank God these are the six guys that were there because they were right. Because they got all the CIA people on that. Exactly.

And also it's interesting that Chris Stevens, the very brave, amazing America who was killed there, the ambassador, he didn't want a lot of security. No, and purposefully. He wanted to stay in the consulate. And he was offered to stay at the annex where he'd be fully protected. And I have to say, I mean, this to me is a problem, I think, with American thinking on both sides, is that it's noble that he did not want a lot of security there because he, hi, I'm an American, I'm your friend.

But insisting that people around the world who are not like us are going to be like us, this was Bush's mistake in Iraq, was it not? They won't go on freedom. Well, freedom might not be on their top of their list of what they really want. And I think we saw this just recently in Cologne, Germany. You know, when all the Syrian refugees were going to Europe, I wasn't for it. And I think a lot of people are coming around to that position. No, but I think you have to make a distinction on Brother Bill between culture and morality. I think every culture has good and bad.

Every culture has good morality and bad morality. Not equally. So that, for example, the mayor, as you know of Cologne, she had been attacked with a knife in her neck. That was not a Muslim or a refugee. That was just a gangstone. But we are not saying that there is no crime in the world except for Muslim crime. Exactly. But I just want to make clear.

But if people don't know what happened on New Year's Eve in Cologne, Germany and a number of other cities in Europe, some of these refugees, some of these Muslim men. And, of course, we're talking about men who come from very misogynist. cultures. Their cultures are not like ours. But there's been Muslims in Germany for a long time. But they're not the ones that committed the crimes against the women. It's the brand new ones. But that's what I mean. So it's not just Muslims in and of

itself, it's particular slices of. Well, it's all of them that had just come in to, I mean, they were the new immigrants. But I don't understand why liberals don't stand up for the liberal values. A non-race. A liberal you know that I'm a revolutionary Christian, brother. I ain't got nothing to do with liberal. Other than the opposition to monarchs and their protection of rights and liberties, I love that. But it's just, I just want to make sure that you have a nuanced reading of the very rich Islamic

tradition that has its gangsters and has its magnificent people. Well, I think, but I don't care about the tradition as much as the present. This, this is the, this is the worst refugee crisis since World War II. That's right. We're talking about between four and five million Syrians who have been displaced. They're living in camps. They're being starved out by Assad, one of the most brutal dictators in the world. I have great compassion for these refugees who want the only things that we all do.

I agree. We would want for our children, which is to be safe, to be secure, and to be able to survive. Here's the problem. But they also like Sharia law. What this is starting to look a lot like, Bill, is the Marti Boat lift. It's starting to look like an offloading. of a hooligan and a criminal element, and in some cases, terrorist sympathizers.

And I think Angela Merkel, taking 800,000 of these refugees without adequate vetting of who these people are, is going to come back. It's not a criminal element unless you are prepared to indict the entire society as criminals. There is polling on this.

A great many Muslims around the world or for Sharia law. You know what is in Sharia law, cutting off the hands for thievery, putting women to death for adultery, killing people for leaving the religion. Women are not equal citizens. That's true.

These are not criminal activities in a Muslim society. These are activities, okay? So the idea that when Syrian refugees come to European countries or to America that they are going to completely fit in is a fantasy. But beyond not fitting in, they committed crimes. They committed sexual assaults on hundreds of women. Because in their society, and especially an infidel woman. They're not friends. Right.

That's an infidel woman. So there's no evidence at all. There's no evidence at all that the thugs and the hooligans that were committing these kinds of crimes on New Year's Eve in Cologne, Germany, were devout Muslims. There's no evidence of that. You really cannot indict all peace-loving Muslims who subscribe to that religion because of the bad... I'm not indicting all of them. Absolutely not. The problem is that you're indicting none of them.

No. We want to indict people who are not. what I said. Bill, Bill, that is not a fair characterization of what I said at all. Okay. All right. I want to ask one more thing before we run out of time because it's a... Can I just add quickly?

That's why when Donald Trump suggested a ban on all Muslims, which I do not support it. But that's why his poll numbers went up 12 points. Yes. And you know what? He's a demagogue and a big... But you know what... I agree, but it got closer to what people want. This is the one issue the Democrats are going to lose the election on, because they have

to choose between demagogue, Donald Trump... That might keep us safe. And Hillary and Obama, who wouldn't he would even say Islamic terrorism. Wow. So it's not going to be Hillary. It's going to be Bernie Sanders. Well, let me ask you about.

Bernie Sanders. So Bernie Sanders is breathing down Hillary's neck. He's ahead. She's ahead. She's trying to catch up with him. Right. Okay.

I'm a crazy. So, I mean, for the longest time, people have been saying, well, I love Bernie, but of course he can't win. That's right. Now it looks like he can win. But his biggest problem

is in the black community. The brothers don't like him, why? Oh, no, that's not true. Oh, it is. I have, I have, 82% of blacks. Because we don't know Bernie. Once they get to know Bernie and recognize, it's true.

Okay. Brother Bernie Sanders represents the politician. He's a grand exemplar of integrity in public life at the national level. He represents the legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr., Fannie Lou Hamer, and Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, and Dorothy Day. And I would add John Coltrane, too. Because the Bernie Candle's campaign is a love train. But you have to...

That's what it is. You have got a lot of work cut out for you. But we've already moved yesterday. I was in South Carolina, South Carolina State University, magnificent institution, right? When we were there three months ago, four percent of black folks supported, and now it's 20 percent. They're just getting a noted, brother, once they find out who he is. And let's just be clear about it.

Sister Hillary, she's smart, she's sharp. But the word integrity is not the first thing that comes to mind when you hear her name. Okay. I certainly have a second. Everybody agreed with somebody on something. I'm not tracking. I probably don't agree on much. There you go.

But wanting Bernie Sanders to be the Democratic nominee is something he and I would agree on 100%. All right. Well, if we have Bernie versus Trump, that's what you call a clear choice. Thank you very much, panel. 51% Bernie, 38%? Trump, is that right? That's right. I don't think so.

Is that right? Is that right? The current polling. Okay. All right, I got to go to New Rules. Thank you, Pat. You're very interesting. Okay.

New Rule, if you tell someone to kiss your ass and they have to ask which one, you might have a weight problem. In fact, I'm beginning to think this is why Christy is so irritable all the time. His head is actually on backwards. Oh. Oh, my God, mother dear. New Rule, oh, say, can you see? Yes, I can, and thanks. This is Ciara singing the national anthem this week.

She sang it great, even though I totally forgot which country we were honoring. New Rule, the online dating site where white people meet has to realize there are already a lot of places where white people meet. Like country clubs. Whole Foods. Utah. Juries. And Pete's coffee.

I don't know what that means. New Rule, don't use David Bowie's death to sell Crocs. The day he died, Crocs, tweeted, Your inspiration lives on forever. Wait, so the Crocs Company was inspired by David Bowie, an icon of Avantgard style? No, you make plastic shoes for slabs. You want to be inspired by Bowie?

Stop making crocs. New Rule, the Oscars have to hire Steve Harvey to read the winners. Oh, sure, he'll get them wrong, but at least there'll be some black people on the stage. And finally, New Rule, someone has to tell me how it can possibly be that this fresh-faced ingenue, this forever young rebel, this out of control. crazy person is in five days going to be 60 years old. Great. Now I'm getting good for you. You're still alive applause. But to those of you out there facing the same decade, just remember this about being in our 60s.

Among old people, we're the youngest. Now, on the occasion of this milestone birthday, I would like to make a request of you, my wonderful, loyal audience. which I must point out I have never done before. I don't burden the audience with my personal shit. Let me prove it to you. And everybody shut the fuck up while I'm doing this. You got to talk the whole show. Jesus.

Politically incorrect went on the air in 1993. And in 23 years, over two shows and three networks, I've had tragedies, deaths in the family, death threats, health issues, bad breakups. Speaking strictly for me, it never felt right to bother the audience with any of it. When my mother died, the last people I wanted to have to deal with it was you.

And it's certainly never been your job to worry why Stedman won't marry me. It's true. Never brought any of it up. If I had a book to sell, I mentioned it a few times. I didn't badger and bore you with it for months. Buy my book!

Buy my book! Other shows are always begging the audience every five minutes to like us. Like me, please like me. I would never ask you to be our unpaid intern and publicity department. I'm old school show business. You're not here for me. I'm here for you. It's like when you're at a concert and the lead singer holds the mic up to the crowd.

Fuck you, you sing. I pay. My point is I'm not overdrawn at the face. bank. But now that I'm 60, I better make a withdrawal soon. So yes, there is something I want you guys to help me with. And it's this. Before he leaves office, I want to get President Obama on this show. In case you don't know who Obama is. And let's just say our invitation has gotten lost in the mail for seven years, which would be okay except for the fact that in that time, this president has done virtually every other show in the known universe.

And I don't just mean other comedian shows and other opinion-giver shows. I mean, Mr. President, you've done everything but ultimate fighting in amateur porn. You sat between two ferns and went to Mark Marin's garage and talked about your hair with Kelly and Michael and did your March Madness Brackets on Sports Center. You did this show on YouTube, which would bother me even more, except I'm actually a big fan of Kevin Hart. Mr. President, you went on this show. So clearly this isn't about the dignity of the Oval Office. If you went any lower, you'd be on Fox and Friends.

Jesus, Sean Penn can get an interview with El Chapo, but I can't get on the president who'll talk to the lady with the green lips. So I just want to know, why not us? I'm curious, because I would hate to think that it's that I have to always agree with you on everything to get into the club, when actually I have been pretty damn supportive. Has a president ever had a better week than the week this president had? He's smart, he's honest. I mean, he actually did something amazing.

Nobody's budget has the balls to put Social Security on the table? Obama did. Two women on the Supreme Court. Bin Laden's dead. Stock market at record heights. an unemployment rate that dropped from 10.2 to 5.9. The Jackie Robinson of American politics. But you know Obama, he's always cool about this shit.

What is the guy won? So what is it? Just tell me, what is it? Is it that I'm a pothead? Because you went on Zach's show, and he's such a pothead, he wants lit up sitting right there. Is it the atheist thing?

I know that's a political third. to sit down with the godless, but you know what? Atheist slash agnostic slash we just want to sleep in on Sundays is now the second biggest demo in the religious survey, 23% of Americans. Yeah. Don't we get some respect? What is it?

Just tell me, it can't be that we don't have enough viewers because real time gets over 4 million, which is a lot these days in TV. And the quality of our audience? Excuse me for saying so, other shows. But the real-time viewer is, I'm sorry, the absolute best. I am not just blowing smoke up your ass, although if you stick around after the show,

it's been known to happen. There could be no better audience for this president. Our viewers are informed, they are engaged, and they're smart enough to steal cable. I ought to know. Because my relationship with the audience is the relationship of my life. Kids? I don't have time for kids.

I've got to rewrite this end piece. It's always where I put my energy. It's what I love the most. That's my truth. That's the way I was born. That's what my body is telling me to do. And always has. It's why I've always treated the audience like they're my friend.

And I mean a real friend. I trust them enough to say things, they may not want to hear. We don't agree on everything, and we don't have to, because friends don't leave each other over that. We even fight sometimes, because honesty is love,

and friends don't bullshit each other. What are they are booing me for? Really? Oh, don't fucking start with me. Don't start with me. Oh, fuck you with the boo. What is the booing? It's going to be rough

unless you get that stick out of your ass right now. You see how much I love you? So now, for my Big 60, I would like to ask, my friend, the audience, this one favor. As it turns out, it is the policy of the Obama administration that if the White House receives a petition signed by 100,000 people in 30 days, you see where I'm going with this, they have to address it. So please go to the we the people petitions on Whitehouse.gov and sign the one that just, says that you, the real-time audience, would respectfully like to see the president we all admire, sit down and talk to the comedian you get your news from, as is our custom here in America. Thank you very much, everybody.

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