Real Time with Bill Maher - Episode #378 (Originally aired 2/26/16)

Episode Date: February 27, 2016

Episode #378 (Originally aired 2/26/16)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late-night series Real Time with Bill Maugh. Start the clock. Good afternoon. At the tone, time will be

real... I always say I... I always say I know why you're happy, but I don't know why you're happy tonight. I mean, did you see that Republican debate last year? Oh, M.G. I just want to say, if you are one of the people who has always gotten angry

with me for saying this is a stupid country. I accept your apology. I mean, even for them, this was a new law. Presidential, they were menopausal. Trump and Rubio are fighting today about which one wears more makeup. The real housewives are going, please, guys, a little dignity. So, I'll fill you in. If you missed this debate,

it kind of looked like a really disgusting. a disgusting Cuban sandwich. There was... There was Rubio on one side and cruised on the other and a fat slab, a cheesy ham in the middle. And I thought it was very fitting that it was in Texas

because it reminded me of the alamo. The debate did. The Mexicans were the enemy and the clear loser was America. Rubio kept calling Trump a conman and then Trump... points to Rubio and then Cruz a choke artist and a liar

and I was at home thinking you know what? You're all right. I'll tell you something else. Trump is right about something else he keeps saying. The world is laughing at us. Because of him laughing and saying where are Jerry Springer's bouncers

when you need them. I mean, they were just screaming insults at each. At one point got so loud and ruckus that it's a wonder Ben Carson got any sleep at all. Oh, Ben. Oh, gentle Ben. Poor Dr. Ben. I think we're at that sad part of the movie where the doctor becomes the patient.

They asked him about the Supreme Court vacancy, and Dr. Ben said he would choose a Supreme Court justice. By looking at the fruit salad of a... their life. What the... And also, and also if their milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. What the fuck does that mean? The fruit salad of

their life. Oh, I think he's just staying in the race for the frequent flyer miles at this point. But the line of the week, really, the thing that says it all, I think, epitomizes everything in the campaign and the Republican

Party is, after winning Nevada on Tuesday, Donald Trump got a there and bragged. What a surprise. And he was saying about all the people. He said, we won with the young, we won with the old, we won with the highly educated, we won the poorly educated. And then I swear to God, he said,

I love the poorly educated. And they love him. It is a mutual admiration society. And to prove how much he loves him, at the debate last night, Donald Trump said he would get rid of the Department of Education and the EPA. Because, you know, when you want to make

America great again, stupid and poisoned is a great place to stir. And speaking of stupid and poison, Chris Christie today, this was the big news today, flew into Texas to endorse Donald Trump and stood behind, right next to him, looked like a presidential ticket. I'm sure Hillary Clinton was watching this thinking, yes, I know I can make America hate me slightly less than these assholes. All right, we got a great show. Friend Lieberwitz, Michael Eric Dyson,

and Joanna Coles are here. And a little later, where he's speaking with Mark Ruffalo is backstage. But first up, he is the former director of the NSA and the CIA, an author of Playing to the Edge, American Intelligence in the Age of Terror, General Michael Hayden. General? I'm sorry. I salute you.

How you don't, sir? Great to have you here. Thank you. And I think you are the only person who was both the head of the CIA and the NSA. You must really know where the bodies are buried. They were interesting jobs. I'll bet. You could probably hurt a lot of people if you wanted to. Well, we don't want to.

Well, what does... You don't want to. What does my file say? I'm just curious. I smoked pot on TV last week. We actually don't have one on you yet. Well, you won't after this interview because you'll be surprised. I'm pretty much on your side. I want to first ask you about some of the events in the news

that are right in your wheelhouse. Apple. Yeah. Somehow, on the side, it looks like to some people, of the terrorists because they have the phone of the San Bernardino killer and the government wants them to crack it open and see what it says, and they refuse. Yeah. There's virtual on both sides,

but on the big question, I actually slide towards Apple, all right? What? We're going to get to that in a minute. That is a real problem. So, look, Tim Cook's position is that America is more secure with end-to-end unbreakable encryption. And he's right, all right?

And so if you put a door into any encrypted product, look, you described what I was, the director of NSA. When I know someone's put a door into a product, into an encryption system. Some were an additional entry point. My odds of success of breaking through there go up. So my first response is when somebody's put a door in there, for whatever legitimate reason, is thank you, Lord,

because I can more easily attack the encryption. And there are a whole bunch of security services around the world who think the same way. So on balance, unbreakable end-to-end encryption, we're far better off. Now, forward over here to San Bernardino. I've got one phone, one instrument, one time, one court order. All right?

I think Comey needs to make the argument that this doesn't lead to that. That this is a separable event. That the Apple attempt to do what they have to do here doesn't lead to a precedent that creates this. And Jim Comey, the director of the FBI, isn't helped when other people say, and after you're done with the San Bernardino phone, I've got nine more around the country. country and the U.S. attorney in Manhattan says, and I got a room full of them, I got 175 I want you to break into. And so I see these as several ways.

What if the San Bernardino killer was still on the loose? Well, I mean... Would that change it? As I try to say in the book, it's all gray. You know, there are always tradeoffs. That does up the power of this argument over here for going in. But you may find things here that actually keep us safe going forward. But a lot of this is going to be forensics.

A lot of this is going to be looking back. All right. Now let's talk about that big applause for Apple. I think people in this country are spoiled. I think they're uninformed. I don't think they really know what the threats are out there. I think partly it's a victim of your own success. That, I mean, 9-11 was pretty horrible, but compared to what happens in the rest of the world

often, we've gotten away pretty easy. I don't think people really think about the fact that there are a lot of people looking for nuclear weapons, that they would use them right here in this country, and that having your pictures safe wouldn't really stack up to being killed by a nuclear event here in Los Angeles or any other major city. Do you feel unappreciated sometimes? We have a, you know, when we start to whine a little bit, all right, about our position within the American society, we've got a summation of it.

And it's generally not the people outside the beltway. It's kind of confined to political elites, and it's simply this bill. People accuse the American security services of not doing enough when they feel in danger. And as soon as we've made them feel safe again, they begin to complain that we're just doing too much. Right. Yeah, I think, you know, we have not quite the applause Apple got, is it? Yeah, we have warriors, but we also have warriors.

I feel like you're a warrior. I think you are, am I wrong about that? I hear a guy who worries. Look. And we owe you such a debt of gratitude. We're kind of taking that on for everybody. I think that's all you do. Sure.

I mean, have the spy agencies overstep sometimes, yes. But I do not think they're the enemy. And I think people think the alternative to spy agencies is utopia. And the alternative to spy agencies is war. The reason why the Cold War was cold is because it was fought by spies, which was better than armies. And let me double down on that, all right? Because very often, the things that we do as we do on behalf of security, all right?

And people look at it as well, you're kind of fixated on security. You're squeezing my liberty because you're focused so much on security. But in reality, and this is really the way we look at it, Bill. If we fail in the security function, you're at liberty's at risk. Because you know what this nation does after catastrophic? failure? Elects Trump? Things along those lines. Well, that is what would happen. No, seriously. I think the election

will hinge on whether there's another terrorist attack in this country. I think if there is, especially close to the election, it is President Trump. Oh, it is an absolute wildcard. Absolutely. Right. And recall several years ago, three days before the Spanish election, a terrorist attack

turned that one upside down. Of course. And, you know, America is known to shit his pants. What do you think about a President Trump or any of these Republicans and some of the stuff they say that strikes me as crazy? I would be incredibly concerned if a President Trump governed in a way that was consistent with the language that candidate Trump expressed during the campaign.

What language? Like what? Well, we're going to do waterboarding and a whole lot more. because they deserve it. Look, we did... What about killing the terrorist families? Families. Oh, my God. Let me give you a punchline. I mean, that never even occurred to you, right?

I mean, you... God, no. Yeah. And you're a real badass. Okay. You're a general. We do what we do. Of course. Let me give you a punchline, all right?

If he were to order that once in government, the American Armed Forces would refuse to act. What? Oh, well, that's quite a statement, sir. I thought their whole thing was... you have to follow orders. You cannot. You are not committed. You're not required. In fact, you're required not to follow an unlawful order.

That would be in violation of all the international laws of armed conflict. Wow. So, all right. Well, you've given us a great reason not to support Trump. There would be a coup in this country. Okay. I'm no coup, but they just, I mean, I'm serious. No, I think it's a coup that you said it.

Good luck with the book. Thank you for. for your service. I mean that sincerely. General Hayden, everybody. All right. Let's meet our panel. Okay. All right, here they are. He is a professor at Georgetown University,

author of the Black Presidency, Barack Obama and the politics of race in America. One of our oldest and dearest Michael Eric Dyson is over here. She is editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan Magazine. Please welcome Joanna Coles. Hey, Joanna. Thank you. Nice to meet you.

And a contributing editor, at a Vanity Fair, we'll be appearing with Frank Rich for a conversation on art and politics at the Brooklyn Academy Music on March 18th, our friend, Fran Leibowitz, hey! Okay, remember to send us your questions for tonight's overtime so we can answer them after the show on YouTube. I am speechless for the first time

on this show or any show after watching that debate last night. I'm just going to let you guys take it. I don't know what the question is. Maybe when exactly did America end? But this was the most childish display. The idea that these people are running for president, I stopped laughing at some point and really wanted to shoot the TV like Elvis.

I can't help wondering if the absence of Jeb Bush was what actually unleashed the inner campaigner in Marco Rubio because we suddenly saw a different version of Rubio last night. And I was in Florida last week. All people talked about was the great betrayal. And I wonder if...

The great betrayal. Well, the great betrayal of Marco Rubio to Jeb Bush, his mentor. And whether or not there had always been some tension on the stage, and Marco had never actually been able to sort of go for Trump because Jeb, his former mentor, was somehow judging him. And I think we've just seen an elite quality in him. It was more that this was their last chance to stop Trump. I mean, I feel like Trump is like climate change.

We knew it was coming. We didn't do anything about it. And now it's too late. And now we're in the tornado. Yeah. And this was their last chance, right, to do something? What'd you think? Do you really think Marco Rubio would be a better president than Donald Trump?

Not really. No, not really. I mean, you watched that. He's more predictable, yes. You watched that. It made you long for Dan Quail. You thought, where is that brilliant Dan Quail we used to have? Oh, yeah.

What's happened to the Republican Party? They only get worse. But at least Rubio looked as if he was enjoying it today. When he, you know, was in Dallas and he got his Blackberry out. I mean, by the way, he's still on a BlackBron party. and started reading his tweets out, Donald Trump's tweets. You could tell that he was actually enjoying it for once, whereas up until now I feel like he felt apprehensive.

So maybe he's in Last Chance Saloon, but at least we're beginning to see him do something. Well, I think that they were singularly trying to play their Trump card, so to speak, and they're trying to prevent the rise of this figure, but it is inevitable. It is undeniable. It's darn near inelectable that this Trump is going to rise, that these two figures are trying to out-ignorant each other,

and the kind of, you know, the existential crisis they have on the one hand, but the worry about the makeup and the sweat. And the argument here is that if the Republicans are supposed to be the adults in the room, I am scared at the insane asylum that has been revealed by their lack of maturity and the fact that they are proud. They are proud that they are unmolested by enlightenment and untramelt by insight. Right. And the way that, the way that Rubio said that, thing about Trump looking at himself in the mirror and he was worried that he'd wet his pants.

What are we talking about? It was so upset. It's, I mean, it's, it is astounding. In a week where I read that the seas are rising at levels they have it in 28 centuries, that there is definitive evidence that the coastal flooding is due to global warming, that the bees and the butterflies are dying, which is what pollinates the food. And, you know, Einstein said when the bees die, we'll all die four years later. But we're talking about who's a choke. artist and a con artist and whose ties are sold overseas for what money and and makeup and that's why I really wanted to shoot the TV you know what what I'm almost ashamed to admit this but when I saw George Bush support his brother

during his last gasp of a campaign I was actually nostalgic for the kind of if I don't want to say gravitas because that's too much he will be right right But the ability to at least remain humane for at least tense consecutive minutes without devolving into this abysmable and chaotic stuff. Well, I had a different reaction. I felt like he was the first husband that you'd divorced, and then suddenly he was back on the scene, and you were like, thank God we got divorced and we've moved on.

Yeah. But wait a minute. But you might be upset with the former husbands, but the boyfriends are looking cray-cra. All right, let me ask about the Supreme Court. That's the other big... We were off last week. That was the other big news that happened.

Justice Scalia died. And it's interesting that there are these secret rules. I've talked about this on the show before. These secret rules that are apparently revealed to the ages, but we don't all know until there's a Democrat in the White House. And then the right-wing pundits tell it. Like, you know, if you're overseas, then you can't talk shit about the president. Okay.

We didn't know that. If your mother is born in America, you're going to be born in Canada and run for the president. That's another good one. Right. You can't criticize the cops when you're president. These are all rules we just didn't know. The new one that we didn't know, that it's so obvious, so obvious the framers shouldn't have to put it in the Constitution. Is that presidents can't nominate a Supreme Court judge in their last year in office.

Yeah, well, you know what? That's ridiculous because presidents have 22 times nominated in their last year people for the Supreme Court. 11 of which were successful. And then as lame ducks, 11 nominations were put forth, half of which were successful. So they're making the rules up as they go, and they're arbitrary, and we know what it is.

It's a reaction against Obama being president. They don't want him to actually constitute himself as the president. Yeah, I must... He should nominate himself. Obama should nominate himself. They want the people to speak? The people spoke twice.

He's a constitutional lawyer. That's right. Okay, he's looking for a job. No. Okay? It'd be so refreshing to have someone really smart on the court? He should nominate Mitch McConnell. Oh.

Come on. Then he'd have to vote against himself. Right, right. Because President Blackenstein put him up for it, he has to vote against himself. The founding fathers can more easily imagine the iPhone than they could Mitch McConnell. Right. And I have to apologize to the conservatives watching because there... There are not.

Oh, there are. Oh, there are. Oh, no, there's plenty of conservatives watch this show. We usually have conservatives on it. Usually we have at least one, often two conservatives. So there's no one to defend them. And so I'm just going to say it. Conservatives, Republicans, to get their way in this country,

they always have to cheat. They have to cheat to win elections. They have to cheat on this. That's, you know, that's how they win. But I fight, Bush Vigel. But part of the tragedy of the cheating, of course, is that they make it up as if it. It's something that is not only well-established,

it makes you skeptical about their claims to be strict constructionists and originalists and all that stuff. And all these big words that they use. And that's Scalia. And let's talk about this, because something spooky happened exactly two weeks ago. I was talking right at this hour on this show, and we were talking about the fact that the Supreme Court had just scuttled the EPA's Clean Power Plan. Okay. And I said, how can anything get done in America when you have to run it by Antonin Scalia first?

Apparently at that very hour, he died. He could have been watching the show thinking, I like Bill Maher so much. But so, look, you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead. So let me not name call, but let me fact call. Because I have listened for two weeks about he was a brilliant jurist and he was a great intellectual. Excuse me, Antonin Scalia was put on earth to remind

poor people, that the law is not your friend. You mentioned Bush versus Gore. He gave us President George Bush. He also found an individual right to bear arms that is so not in the Constitution. He also believes in the devil. The devil, yes. My feeling is, this is America.

It's a free country. You can believe in the devil. But if you do, you can't be on the Supreme Court. One or the other. Right. I mean, I hate, as a British person, to even raise advice for the American and their Constitution, so I'll say that with in parentheses, but I do think this is a very good opportunity to re sort of rethink the idea of limited terms

for these judges. I mean, because the weird thing is everybody seemed so surprised he died, right? He's 79. You're shouting him out on television in a way that may, you know, give him a heart attack. Yes, thank you. So why is this a surprise? We shouldn't be going through this. And if we had term limits for judges, which they do in Europe, you would actually have presidents be able to appoint two judges. You know, if you had to nine, you could do every 18 years, you could cycle people out. And you'd have a much bigger variety of cases. You could rotate them off. I mean, that's an intriguing idea. But even in the given context, what Antonine Scalia did a bill, I think, is not contradictory.

You can be, Martin Luther King Jr. said you can be real smart and you can be real problematic morally. And I think this figure right here was an excellent jurist in the sense of the mechanics of interpretation, but he applied them in such vicious and condemnatory fashion toward vulnerable and poor people. And the statement he made, not soon before his death, that black people ought to go to second tier schools and so on and so forth, is one of the most ridiculous repudiation of common sense. And God bless his soul, but it was an evil examination of a practice that should have been dismissed along with his outdated thing. I don't even get on that. His comments against the gay community, too.

I mean, it's only 13 years ago that, you know, he was making comments saying people don't want to live next door to gay people. They don't want gay colleagues. This idea that he was a brilliant mind, he was just another old white Republican guy living in the bubble. He was the longest-serving juror, right? He was there for 30 years. But they could be smart and that.

Let me read. They asked him a few years ago, what news sources he listened to. He said, Uh, get the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Times. That's the Mooney paper. Yeah, right, right, right. Uh, I get most of my news, probably driving back and forth to work on the radio. So that's Rush Limbaugh and a bunch of other insane people.

You know what my favorite is? My good friend Bill Bennett. Mm. Another dick. He has a wonderful talk show, good callers. I think they keep off stupid people. I don't think. So this is just a nut.

Remember when he talked about broccoli, when the Obamacare thing was coming up, that, well, maybe if we passed this, then people could be a force to eat broccoli. This is something he gets from Fox News. You only hear that from those sort of news outlets. But we think it's a deep competition in this country to either be smart or good. And I think what you're proving here is the fact that ultimately, as much as we value critical consciousness, even better to be a decent human being. And it's ironic that the Republicans

who claim to have a copyright on that often dismiss the legitimate concerns that we have morally in deference to their notion of being smart, and they're both not as smart as they think they are, and far worse than they ever claimed to be. You know where he was when he died, though? I mean, he was on a... A private hunting resort. Some sort of private hunting resort? Yes.

An all-male... Yes, with some secret order of St. Hubertus, where they wear green robes with big crosses on them. And then they murder... birds that are released not into the wild, like right in front of them. And he was actually too sick that day to do the hunting, but he was in the car, because that's great, too, to just be around people murdering birds. So, you know, the idea that this brilliant mind stumbling in the woods like Dumbledore in his... Like I said, I would not speak ill of the dead.

I don't want to contract you, but you can also be bad and stupid. You can't. Okay? Hence your Republican debates. And you can be stupid, bad, and smart, and brilliant at the same time. Okay. All right. But not you're Republican. Oh. I have some good news, good news and bad news.

About a month ago, we asked our wonderful, loyal audience to sign a petition. And they so came through. At least the same people, I wish you're... No, no. They're all different people. But we asked them to sign this petition, to ask President Obama to come on our show, you know, he's been on basically every other show in the universe. Okay, wait a second. So, the White House policy is if you have a petition and it's signed by 100,000 people,

they have to answer. Well, we got that in like 36 hours. So they finally answered, and that's the bad news. It would have been easy just to say yes. This is not the Syrian peace talks. Right, right. But they didn't. I mean, it was very nice and complimentary and blah, blah, blah.

but basically they, you know, non-committal, and did not answer the petition, which was either come on the show or tell us why you won't. So we got to thinking, maybe the president does not realize how great we would actually treat him. Because our show, let me tell you something,

you guys know this, our show is known for treating guests better than any other... Not on the air, of course. But off the air. Our staff is amazing. So, Mr. President, let me sweeten the pot a little. Just show you how comfortable we would make you if you did this show. Johnny Olson, tell the president what he can expect.

Thanks, Bill. President and guests of real time with Bill Maher stay at the exclusive Beverly Hamilton Hotel. Convenientially located in the heart of Beverly Hills just minutes from most major Democratic fundraisers. Yes, Mr. President, you lie in a luxurious California king-size bed with a just Egyptian cotton sheets. Step out on the spacious balcony where you can smoke a sick, I mean enjoy the ocean air.

At night, join us at Dingleberry is a world-class wine bar where you can observe hospitality exports getting to know your secret service detail. Later, stop by our five-star chum room. Complete with cushy chairs

and tasty kush. Think of it as a Situation room for when the situation is chillaxon. And end the day by kicking back and watching any of 250 channels of complimentary cable TV to see if there are any TV shows you haven't appeared on. The Beverly Hamilton Hotel is convenient to the Ellen, Jimmy Kimmel, and Mark Marin shows, as well as a be of other shows where the host hasn't given you a million bucks. The Beverly Hamilton Hotel, where the nearest conservative is in Arizona. You caught me. All right, let's free out Mark. He is an actor who is up for an Oscar for his role in the film Spotlight,

and he's the founder of the nonprofit, Waterdefense.org. Mark Ruffalo is over here. Mark Ruffalo is over here. How are you, proud? All right. Hello. How are you doing? I'm great.

All right. Now, we're going to get to issues. I know you're all about the issues, but you're going to have to sit still for this. We watch you grow up on this show. I always said. But this is your third Oscar nomination in the last five years. That is a lot.

I mean, that is a hard thing to get. It might not be a fluke. Absolutely. I say if you get three Oscar nominations in five years, you are officially an A-lister. A-lister, right? You're a Lister. No, quick.

No, no. My staff will handle the paperwork, but you are officially. All right. But I know that's not what you care about, even though Spotlight is an amazing movie. Great movie. Thank you. About the Boston Globe.

Let me ask you one question about that. Do you think the media is gone downhill since that day? Because you guys are real reporters doing real reporting in that movie. Watching the coverage of the presidential campaign and some of the questions that the candidates are being fielded, I would say it's taken a tremendous downward spirally. I mean, as much as I hate the candidates, I hate the media more. I hated the way the last night they were acting like, oh, these guys are, you know, we put them together like cocks in a cockfighter. Then my God.

Look what they did. Look what they did. Yeah. All right. So let's get to what you care about. I mean, you're out here in L.A. because I didn't even know this. You have an organization that's pointing out that California, I think, is the third leading oil-producing state. In the nation. And we're not quite the liberal environmentalist we think we are. No, you're more like a, instead of a progressive liberal environmentalist state, you're more like a regressive libertarian, wild west. oil and gas state. Yeah, and why don't we know about this? Because the media sucks, there we go. Comes to the circle.

Yeah, so yesterday I took a bunch of Hollywood actors, producers, some artists on what we call the Toxic Tour. And it was four drill sites in Los Angeles proper. Drill sites? Yes, where they're drilling using acidication, acidizing, extreme energy extracts. fracking or just conventional drilling. And they're doing it in neighborhoods all over Los Angeles.

Mostly 91% of the people there are people of color and lower income people. And they're kids right next to schools. And the kids are getting sick, nosebleeds, neurological problems, stomach issues, asthma. So we're flint? Yeah, the whole nation is flinted, but we just don't hear about it until people get

get sick. And that's happening here in Los Angeles. And Jerry Brown, as much as we like to think of them as a great environmentalist and a climate leader, is basically one of the most friendly governors to oil and gas. And he goes all over the world telling everyone that they got to keep 80% of their carbon in the ground. Well, he does everything he can to make production easier here. There's no tax. There's no regulations. We're irrigating our carbon. crops in the Central Valley using waste, oil, wastewater. I know. It's so disappointing. It's so disappointing. Even the good guys aren't the good guys. And also, I mean, I know, we had Aaron Brockovich here recently. We was talking about chloramine.

Yes. And I know folks have fatigue with shit that hurt you. I do too. The shit that is bad for you fatigue. You know, it's like I can't hear about one more thing. It's a lot. But chloramine, you really got to put this on the top of your list. This is the stuff that they put in the water in Flint.

It corrodes the pipes. It's bad on its own. It's basically chlorine plus ammonia. Okay. And we have it out here, folks. They have it in Washington, D.C., San Francisco, San Diego, L.A., Denver, Miami, Indianapolis, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Portland, Austin, Houston, Milwaukee, basically all over the country.

Yes. Sounds like a book tour. Yeah, book. where you keel over. It's cheaper. What is it for? It's cheaper. It's cheaper and it disinfects, disinfects the water. Because the water... It does what chlorine used to do, but then they decided, well, chlorine's too expensive, so let's move to chlorine. It also kills all fish, which should be the canary in the coal mine, if I could borrow that analogy, right? People who are on dialysis treatments can't have chloramine water in there. These things should be

indicators that maybe we shouldn't be using it. And you know, I'm from Detroit, so Flint is right the road 60 miles and one of the tragedies is it was not until the the car production there was halted by the poisonous water that the people then were concerned enough or at least the government was concerned enough about the people to halt what was going on there so they were more concerned about machines than human beings that's a tragedy as well so is that is there another way that you can disinfect the water I mean how do you keep water chlorine was not great but it was better than chloram

It's only gotten worse. Penny's on the dollar. Save pennies now, but in the future, when we all get a lot sicker, this is one reason why America's health care bill is so catastrophic. So what's the solution? Not use chloramine. Right, but what do we use... Do we need anything? Of course we do, because the water itself is full of

fucking E. Evian water. There's so much... Why don't we drink the water that comes out of our tap? We don't trust the water that comes out of our tap. We are one of the biggest industrial nations in the world. Why can't we trust the water comes out of our tap? the water comes out of our tap because we don't trust the agencies that are supposed to take care of us.

For good reason. Right. Yeah. Because of money. We're the richest country in the world and we don't give a damn about our people. I mean... I... I read that there are two stores that sell Parmesan cheese. One has 7.8% sawdust in the Parmesan cheese. The other which says 100% Parmesan cheese has... on parmesan cheese has no parmesan cheese in it.

But sawdust have to be no worse for you than cheese. I think I've eaten that stuff. But the FDA, does anybody just do their fucking job? No. No, they keep petting these agencies. There's very few. Yes, that's right with them. We keep deregulating.

We keep making it easier for business to put sawdust in our freaking grated cheese. Welcome to a Trump presidency, bruh, because the deregulation is going bananas. And under the impetus of good business, I think the negotiations under the, Trump administration would lead us to this. People ought to think about this when they think about voting and pulling that lever.

Well, listen to this. If Trump is the nominee, Donald Trump is the nominee, he would be the most disliked candidate in history, according to the polls. Hillary would be the second most dislike. I'll take that. The only candidate in either party who more Americans like than dislike is the unelectable Bernie Sanders. He's not unelectable. He beat certainly against Trump. He's not unelectable against Trump.

Do you think Americans, right, here's the irony. You know, we talk a lot about so-called white privilege on the right. When we see it on the left, Obama, when he was called a Muslim, he was called a terrorist, but he was also called a socialist. So now we have a guy out here, and I'm not mad, given my politics, who claims explicitly to be a democratic socialist. That's good for the base. But do you think in a general election Americans are going to look out there

and pull a lever for a guy who explicitly articulates a... Democratic Socialism. I just think it's problematic. But he's also not going to be the nominee, right? Hillary's going to be the nominee. We don't know. I mean, he's going to around. I think we do know. I think we do know. I think we do know. I think we do know. Do they like their Medicare?

Right. I'm down with you. And also, I don't think that's a big thing. Bernie's problem is he has got a lock on the demographic that doesn't show up. Here's the problem is that, you know, Bernie keeps saying, well, here's a day. He's grilled all the time. I saw Chris Matthews grilling the other day, but, you know, it's not. practically, he says, well, I'm going to start a revolution, and then we're going to change the way government

is done, and it will be practical, except for one thing, the revolution is not showing up. Democrats, down 22% from 2008. You know who's showing up? The Republicans. Record turnout. The Republican, that revolution is happening. The Republicans

are revolting. I've always said that. The Republicans are revolting. Unless, yeah. Yeah, I just, you know, look, I agree, but I just don't know how effective that can be as a pitch to an American public that is already corroded by the vicious politics of the right

and Bernie Sanders, although he's gruff and he's tough, I don't think that will be able to articulate him for a while he catches up. And I think, as I keep saying, no one has ever seen what he's offering put on the table before. He's saying, yeah, you'll pay a little more, but look what you get.

You get actual health care. You get free college education. Do you think the math favors him, though? The math. The math doesn't. But let's wait. Let's wait until he's actually eliminated before we kiss it off. We're not that cynical.

But it's coming. It's coming. I mean, I think he's got one week left. All right. He has 50 states. We have until September. One week left. I got one more issue, please.

No, he's not. It's not. It's not. Is Bernie Sanders a footnote? No, no. You know, if SAD had electoral votes, he'd be the president. Who? Sag.

If Sag had the screen actors, skills, and electoral votes, he would be the president. Really? Does screen actors like him? Let's talk about Hollywood and Hillary and racism, because as we all know, racism's epicenter is the Oscars and Hillary Clinton. Oh, wait, that's crazy. But a, wait a second.

Clearly. OK, but. Well, they got part of her. She is white. It is a little crazy that the protests I see have to do with the, Oscars and with Hillary Clinton. A Black Lives Matter protester interrupted Hillary at a fundraiser and said,

Hillary Clinton, can you apologize to black people for mass incarceration? You know, of the thousand things I could complain about with Hillary Clinton, being a racist really doesn't rise to the top of it. I mean, it's... And she's also, you said, getting the apologies. It sure is fun being pure than everybody else. But does this person realize that Donald Trump in South Carolina, Carolina, 20% of the voters who voted for Donald Trump

disagree with the Emancipation Proclamation. Right. And this is who you're going after? This is where we start the battle, you fucking idiots. No, I don't agree with that. I don't think, look, the women. Bill, Bill, I don't think they were calling it. Let's be fair, just like when Kanye West said,

George Bush doesn't care about black people. He didn't call him a racist, although George Bush heard racist. They're not claiming, as the Black Lives Matter, that Hillary is a racist, what they're saying is that negative racial consequences flowed from mass incarceration. And by the way, when they accused her of talking about the super predator, which she did, let's note the fact she apologized. Bernie Sanders... And it was taken out of context. She was not saying black people are predators.

No, no, no. She was saying super predators, the language that John DeLuio or somebody was using about black criminals during the second... But here's my point. She at least apologized and acknowledged that that was a problem. but I'm saying, I think it's sexist for people to impute to Hillary Clinton what her husband did. Her husband was the president of the United States of America, not Hillary Clinton. That's right. Right. Now, but I'm not mad as much. But one party does not even acknowledge that racism even exists. They say it's an urban myth.

No, no, no. You're right. But see, that show, what? The Black Lives Matter implicitly are proving the humanity of the Democrats because at least they're humane enough to respond in kind to them. the Republicans don't give a flying dam about what's going on there, and therefore they prove their inhumanity. So in one sense, they're affirming it. And the party, the party that has... The party that was supposed to be for black people

has let them down continuously, and that's what the Black Lives Matter movement is going after the Democrats. Because they're the ones who are supposed to be on this side. They're giving up on a Republican. Take women. Taking them for granted. So look, but as a person who believes that Hillary Clinton will be the next president of the United States of America, I'm telling you from a sympathetic position, there is no problem with Black Lives Matter challenging them

because the Democrats have had a history, as Brother Ruffalo has said, of exploiting those black people. But at the end of the day, I think that Hillary Clinton is not only the smartest person, the most prepared person, but the person who has given the most credible empirical analysis of race in the last 20 years by a major American politician. I'll stay invited. Absolutely. Right? People need to learn the difference between an imperfect friend and a deadly

enemy. No doubt. You want to tear Hillary Clinton down? Great. Then enjoy President Trump. You only get two choices in America. Two choices. But it's perfectly legitimate to keep Black Lives Matter at the front of what people are thinking about, right? Because if you're not there showing your issue,

someone else is there instead. And I think, you know, it was unfortunate the way she did it, but at least she'd been allowed into Hillary's thing, you can imagine that she would have been blocked from Trump's all together. And when you turn around on the crowd, she's the only black person there. This is a $500 a plate fundraiser. And we wouldn't be talking about this unless they... Why is that a problem?

Do they have to be everywhere giving you money? Who's they? The black people? No. Really? I can't... Yes, we should be everywhere. Yes, we should be.

No, no. I can't use the term they. No, but come on, man. That makes me a racist? Come on, Bill. Yeah, I'm the problem, too. You know I'm not. No, no, no.

Not at all. But what I'm saying to you... But you reacted when I said they. No, no, no, I didn't react. That was not me, bro. That was him. That was him. That was him.

I was him. I know what my life's being Negro, but I am not a white guy, okay? But Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, no. Actually, I'm sympathetic to you in terms of the argument about the efficacy of race. What you're arguing about, if I can dare to speak for you,

is that let's be politic and strategic about getting even our friends who have made mistakes who are imperfect to do the things we want them to do. Let's not close them down so much. Because if you keep practicing the politics of disruption to the degree that they don't get a chance to respond, then that's counterproductive. However, the reason we're talking about this today is because they have been effective in forcing a conversation that we'd rather avoid. But at the end of the day, I'm rolling with HRC to the end because I think she gives a serious indication of what's happening. happening in this country racially. So we can have Black Lives Matter articulating their concerns

and Hillary Clinton responding to them better by the way than the occupant of the White House and others who claim to be the friends of African American people as well. OK. Time for new rules, everybody. New rule. New rule, the South Carolina cop charged with sitting in his patrol car watching pornography on his cell phone

while rubbing his penis through his uniform pants has to learn what hands-up don't shoot means. New Rule, Hillary has to stop doing this. It doesn't look like you're acknowledging someone in the crowd. It looks like you're shooting lightning from your fingertips like Emperor Palpatine. New Rule, now that it turns out McDonald's new healthy kale Caesar salad has more fat than a Big Mac, more calories than a Big Mac, and more sodium than a Big Mac. Let's just drop the whole menu thing and call McDonald's what it really is.

homeless Starbucks. New Rule, since Monday was the 10th anniversary of the last time Clarence Thomas asked a question out loud in the Supreme Court, maybe we should check if he's dead. New Rule, you can tell me that this is a little girl in Crimea celebrating Defender of the Fatherland Day, but I say it's Sarah Palin on Throwback Thursday.

And finally, New Rule, Donald Trump must admit that of all his reversals, hypocrisies, and one-80s, his condemnation this week of Vicente Fox for using foul language is the most ridiculous of all. I think it's a disgusting thing that he said, and I could tell you, I would not use that word. Talk about the pot calling the kettle orange. Listen to this. But it's political bullshit.

She said he's a pussy. They're ripping the shit out of the sea. We can't get a fucking school built in Brooklyn. You're not going to raise that fucking price. You understand? I'm going to bomb the shit out of them. Listen, you motherfuckers. We're going to tax you 25%.

Yes, something certainly has changed in American political discourse. Oh, sure, Dick Cheney once told a senator to go fuck himself, and Joe Biden called Obamacare a big fucking deal. But those comments are, were off-mic, not intended for public consumption, and considered gaffs. But when Andrew Dice Trump speaks,

he doesn't even try to clean it up. And the voters have decided that not only do they not mind their leader swearing, they kind of like it. They kind of like it when a politician drops the facade and talks the way we all really talk. But just so we all know where this is headed, I would like tonight to show you, what a future president is going to look like,

delivering the state of the union address in the not-too-distant future. Mr. Speaker, Madam Vice President, fellow citizens, I stand before you tonight to report that the state of our union is fucking awesome. Now, thanks to the programs we put in place, inflation has been kicked in the taint. We are job-creating like a motherfucker

and our deficit is shrinking like a cock on a cold morning. But I know that even though the economy is strengthening and the stock market is up, too many working families still feel like they're taking it in the ass. And that shit needs to stop. Now here with us tonight is Bob Guggins from Park Ridge, New Jersey. And his story is America's story. Bob busted his nutsack for 27 years assembling brake pads

until the company decided to move to Mexico and Bob was shit-canned and left holding his dick in his hand. Which is why if this Congress asked me to raise taxes, I'll say no. And they'll push me and I'll say no. And they'll push again and I will say to them, lick my balls. No new taxes.

Also with us tonight is Shirley Fowell. A widowed mother of four who, along with her husband, Bud, worked hard and played by the rules, but Bud was killed in a fertilizer-planned explosion due to a rollback in workplace regulations. And now Shirley's life is a shit show. By day, she labors for minimum wage, wiping down the sneeze guard at Sakees.

And by night, she works the pole at a country music strip club called Puss and Boots, giving tug jobs in the parking lot. for extra cash. Let us make this pledge tonight in the richest country in the world. No one should have to do a lap dance or suck a dick to make ends meet.

Now last year, when Diane and I were campaigning in Ohio, I met a sixth grade teacher in Chagrin Falls, and, well, she looked like she'd had a hard day. So I gave her a hug and asked her what was wrong. She pointed at her classroom and said to me, Mr. President, these kids don't know shit. They deserve an education that doesn't suck balls.

We can do better. We also must do better caring for our wounded warriors, like Air Force veteran Jeff Monroe, who lost a leg fighting in Iraq. But instead of bitching about it, like a little cunt, Jeff worked with blade runner technicians, and this year ran in the Boston Marathon. it is for soldiers like Sergeant Monroe

that tonight I am asking this Congress for $100 billion in increased military spending. Let every nation know that if you fuck with the United States, you are fucking with the most bulls-out, badass, swinging dicks the world has ever seen, and we will not hesitate to skull-fuck you, tear your head off, and shit down your neck. My friends, there are those in these uncertain times

who say America is best. days are behind us. But I say, fuck that! Fuck that! Fuck that! God bless you, and God bless the United Mother fucking States

of America. All right, that's our show. I'll be... I'll be at the Mirage in Las Vegas, March 12th, and at the Brady of Tulsa, April 23rd. I want to thank Michael Eric Dyson, Gerna Coles, Brad Leibolich, Mark Ruffalo, and

General Michael Hayden. Join us now on overtime for YouTube. Thank you very much. Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch them anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.