Red Scare - Halloween Loveline

Episode Date: October 29, 2020

The ladies answer your spookiest love and sex questions.

I'm recording cool we're back we're back happy pre-Halloween happy pre-Halloween it's a little anti-climactic this year yeah I guess there's mischief night to what's mischief night it's the night before Halloween it was on that stupid New York Times dialect test like all the night before Halloween mischief night I've never heard that on the East Coast we call it mischief night fuck some small businesses Halloween's already pretty mischievous yeah I was like when you toilet paper somebody's house or something oh I see okay it's all no fun and games like that this year though yeah just COVID yeah the ultimate

trick oh do you do you think it's racist that I don't really fuck with Dia de los muertes I don't even know what that is it's like Mexican Halloween it's Mexican Halloween with with the skeleton faces yeah I find the aesthetic to be a little I find the aesthetic a little distasteful to be honest but why is that well probably for racist reasons and I know I think well I think it's not I think it has to do more with the kind of Southwest United States Americanization of Dia de los muertes it has like the way that it the intersection of Dia de los muertes and and like Burning Man yeah is where it kind of it seeps together a

little too much for me yeah like the cringe cuz white people love to paint their face like a skeleton and wear like yeah like a Frida Kahlo flower crown and stuff yeah it's a kind of like the apotheosis of Coachella yeah it's like spooky Coachella so you have some costume ideas oh yeah I want to do a couple's Buffalo 66 costume with my boyfriend but I don't think we will just because I don't really feel like going out yeah where I'm pushing 30 as people up to remind me and he's definitely doesn't you know want to dress up it's not a very yeah adult grown grown ass man thing to do so no but it'd be cute it

would be cute I think just having just the concept you really cute and you could really pull it off because the Gallo costumes is easy it's just the boots really it's the red boots and the gray jacket and then I already have all that like Christina Ricci baby horse stuff yeah like Lolita core yeah but the Gallo costume is just like kind of like a leather racer jacket slightly bootcut pants yeah iconic western style boots do you have any concept ideas well I wanted to go as a Ben and Abby Shapiro oh yeah and I would do that in any combination like I don't have to be Abby

simply because I'm a biological female right with Eli I'm also a pompous know it all so I can easily you can do you can do both genders yeah we're just gonna both be big titted Shapiro siblings but I don't think Eli like wants to dress up either because it's kind of cocked and gay for a 40-year-old man to yeah especially in a couple's costume yeah I got it I don't blame I don't blame them yeah I don't either that's why Buffalo 66 is a good compromise because it's very low effort yeah it's neutral you could go out in the Green Point Williamsburg area and people would just assume that you ordinarily dress like yeah I'll be me

and you'll be my boyfriend what if we went as boyfriend and girlfriend for Halloween I don't know what other costumes you know I was thinking of being like the cat for Halloween sister yeah but then I would probably get canceled for doing blackface I feel like you made that joke last yeah but then what if I do blue contact lenses I think it'd be cute to be the cat it would be you could do it tastefully you know you could do it without a minstrel vibe well I would want to do it with I could be AOC you know all white you crying at kids and you could really be AOC with a bold red lip actually punched over crying with

a wig yeah long black wig coke white pants and a bold red lip and that's here I would actually love to see you say like palest flats or whatever she's wearing out there maybe next year anyway we have a special Halloween love line very spooky lovely listeners shall I play a voicemail yeah I'm going on a trip with my boyfriend soon and for a bunch of reasons the first time traveling since living together we've had a good amount of pretty like deeply painful fight since working from home and being each other around each other constantly so on this trip I guess I just don't want anything like that to

happen because I think we've heard each other in a lot of like painful ways and I don't want to experience that again or like be the person doling that out my boyfriend means a lot to me and I want to make this trip feel special to him he's been working really hard and kind of deserves a vacation we haven't done that in a while I guess what I want to know from you guys is if you have advice and how I can silence my neuroses and anxiety is to make our trip feel like fun and important sort of it's been kind of a shitty year and I want to be on my best behavior for what it's worth for headed somewhere warmer and doing like half the

trip and at a hotel and half the trip like in an Airbnb in the desert with just like books and each other so yeah hope you guys have some advice on this sorry if this is I sent this into late hey thank you bye oops congratulations on the trip yeah it sounds like a nice nice vacation I get it it's been a hard year for everyone and it sounds like you care about your boyfriend a lot I think something some advice I was given once when I was fighting a lot with a boyfriend was that to kind of check in with yourself and remind yourself that your boyfriend is also your friend and things get very

complicated in you know cohabitated romantic relationships obviously but ultimately you know I think you wouldn't treat your friends the way that you treat your boyfriend a lot of the time but you also wouldn't pick weird fights with them about yeah you know all of your projected neuroses and stuff so on vacation I would say that if you really prioritized you know the kind of authentic loving friendship you guys have I don't foresee you having problems and like you're already in a good headspace to you know go into it and but don't put too much pressure on yourself also at the same time I guess yeah unfortunately this

is one of those things that depends on you and on you alone and you have to hope on your that your partner will meet you halfway and the sense that you have to pre-commit ahead of time to not starting shit yeah which is difficult if they don't meet you halfway and are themselves intent on starting shit because then you grow resentful yeah because you're trying hard but it's like what did Andy Warhol say that romance is finding the fantasy in those who don't have it and then as we always say I don't know who are quoting the Confucius or Gandhi intimacy breeds contempt it's sort of inevitable that you get into

those kind of like petty bourgeois bickering scenarios with a partner when you live with them which is why I like to avoid living with people as long as possible the best the best type of relationships are when you're both rich and can afford to live in your own space yeah in the middle of sex like in a posh hotel room but yeah I agree with Dasha you have to you know take stock in what you do have and why you're taking this trip in the first place yeah and hopefully he feels the same way and stay vigilant as always and be mindful of sort of your triggers because he might not be meaning to piss you the fuck off

so just try and give him a little leeway yeah and have a lot of sex that really helps it makes people like each other honestly yeah that's very true I'm not being like provocative or facetious it really really really helps it takes the job for sure and Airbnb is a great place to fuck so do you want to read one email time all right hi ladies I love you and hope you answer this cue as I think it would be applicable to tons of listeners and it actually is straight woman for context is someone who hasn't f**k dated since the start of the quarantine I'm feeling insanely rusty getting back into the swing of things

now that COVID is ostensibly over free corona I always thrived IRL when it came to meeting people I eventually dated and only used an app when I was especially when I was specifically looking to f**k lol now that it seems apps are the most realistic way to meet people I'm desperate for your advice on how to flirt charm seduce men into actually wanting to date you how do you do it answers if you're expecting explaining it to a bona fide retard in essence you are love terminally horny yeah this was a question a lot of people had about how to date or f**k or meet people I meet friends too yeah I can tell a lot of you

listeners out there are feeling autistic after the quarantine period what advice do you have for her Anna I mean I someone to be your boyfriend I personally feel just like very down about the situation in general on behalf of like younger people mm-hmm as as an old hag I already have a friend group and a boyfriend and also look forward to shedding and making my life convenient and uncomplicated but when you're young and like your new to city yeah or you're like alone at your parents house those are the people that are like I feel like mentally the hardest hit and it's very I don't I mean it's it's tough to say how

you would even go out and meet people in this environment without resorting to apps my feeling though it's a long-term process is to get is to pursue something that you're really interested in yeah like an artistic or creative pursuit and you will meet people yes because it'll naturally yield connections yeah even if they're initially kind of like online or app-based right that's how I met all my friends in New York because I was just like genuinely into like writing mm-hmm and like blogging at the time and you know it was essentially wasting my time in the short run but it paid off in the long run yeah a lot of my most enduring

friendships have been through people I've worked with or had to collaborate with or engage with in some capacity by like the infrastructure of production yes yeah and if you if you are you know earnestly wholeheartedly interested in something as I'm sure every single one of the people asking this question is it introduces like kind of like a layer mm-hmm of authenticity for lack of a better word into making kind of a social connection like being young is literally like 70 or 80% inventing pre-tenses for social connection that's very true yeah being old is 70 or 80% of inventing pre-tenses totally yeah I

think that's good advice as for a boyfriend specifically I think you know the apps aren't maybe misguided because a lot of people probably feel the same way yeah and they're maybe using them differently than they were pre-covid yeah you know yeah it's interesting what the app terrain is like now because I'm sure there are like a lot of people who are like looking for actual connection not merely sex at this point in time yeah loneliness is at an all-time high I bet yeah which is really sad like for for 25 year olds in that ballpark but like I mean also the other thing is like when you know it's attractive and

infectious when you're like interested in stuff outside of yourself it makes you more appealing and I think like you naturally meet to men yes yeah men love when you have your own thing going on like a podcast a blog yeah because I Twitter yeah I think a lot of women in general really prioritize you know their romantic relationships at the expense of other things in their life and men can kind of sense when you're looking to anchor your entire sense of self and purpose in another person and they find that to be off-putting yeah it's a pressure cooker yeah and seduction I read recently a very astute description of

seduction which is when seduction is about discrepancy in power mm-hmm like the seducer knows that they're gonna fuck you before you fully know right you're gonna have sex with them you know yeah they know you better than you know yourself yeah exactly in that way seduction is all about confidence yes yeah we're like fainting like faking it till you make it exactly shall we I'll read on to the next one hi girls my boyfriend of a year and a half is kind of a dumbass I'm used to having elevated level an elevated level of conversation with previous boyfriends that is simply never going to happen with

this one he's otherwise a great boyfriend who I am very attracted and attached to my question do you find intellectual connection foundational for relationship or is it necessary at all is this going to bite me in the ass one day or should I stop expecting my boyfriend to be my quote friend thanks in advance I think it's more important for women than for men to intellectually respect their partner yes it's like very hard to not to have somebody who's like just a void toy or like a good player I don't think it will work in the long run which is again partly because romantic relationships

are more primary in women's life whereas men have a whole arena of like life and work and stimulating yeah stuff that they do but you know eventually oh the cats she's tweaking you think sister I've been raped twice you know if you want to be with someone long-term especially eventually it is just going to be you and them yeah so you should hope that they can can stimulate you and be interesting yeah and I wouldn't feel so sorry for him in the long run if that's what keep it's keeping you from breaking up with him because a guy like that who's nice and dumb will always land on his feet and we'll always find an

even dumber woman to love him and you know you don't you shouldn't you don't need to feel like you should expedite the breakup or anything because sometimes it's it is fine to be with someone who's maybe not a genius but is supportive mm-hmm and attractive and nice and it's okay to do that for a while also as long as you're realistic about its limitation yeah I'm gonna get my jewel yeah and I know both on on laptops yeah we have not one but two computers here it's amazing too barely functioning she's laughing with us not at us so I just have a question so I'm trying to get into body mods I don't

know where to start and I was really thinking I should get my clip here's especially since we're in quarantine or at least I'm still in quarantine and I'm not really seeing new people so I feel like it'd be a good time for it to heal let me know what you guys think thanks so much bye what do we think about her prospective clip piercing I mean she's not wrong that now is the time to get one because she can let it heal in private definitely I mean your body your choice I'm personally like not a fan of body mods yeah but only actually you know for personal reasons at the end of the day because I've remained pure

for so long I don't even have my ears pierced that I think to go there now would be like incredibly lame just like trying a new drug or something like that right I wouldn't recommend starting with a clip piercing I might you know get a tattoo or something I actually have a clip piercing that's a joke I absolutely do not I do have my ears pierced and I actually have a couple like stick and poke dots on my arm that I gave myself what you know I was like giving someone else a stick and poke yeah you're like into the self harm but I also feel something into body mods glad I never got a moracy tattoo like I wanted in I

know I just looked up healing time for clip piercings one to two months what does the thing do in the meantime it just like oozes you know there's many different types of clip piercing don't ask me how I know this but I do right just like there's many different kinds of dick piercing yeah that I didn't know I thought like the dick was a kind of all-purpose and there's just like one type but there's all these angles that you can hit it there it seems yeah maybe get a nipple piercing first and see how your pain threshold is yeah all the girls are getting one I'm I'm a little like as kind of like a conservative

boomer I'm a little bit freaked out by kind of the mainstreaming of fringe piercings mmm like everybody has a nipple piercing now and it's not a thing I don't think it means anything back in the day right if you had tattoos that meant you were an ex-con like belong to a biker gang that you're in the Russian mom yeah and now it means absolutely nothing and then like back in the day if you had piercings on your primary or secondary sex organs it meant that you were a deviant sexually disturbed yeah yeah but now everyone's doing it I got everyone's doing it yeah and I think like you really need to examine why

you're going for the clip yeah smart just saying yeah start with the more less charged one maybe yeah and then if you really love the the pleasure and pain of your nipple yeah I think nipple piercings are hot I've thought about getting my nipples pierced yeah they look hot but they're but again this is one of those things that is really kind of only edgy and sexy as long as it remains relatively scarce right like if everybody has a nipple piercing I like when like models get the one yeah you know it's like yes I'm dykey looking model it's like one nipple thing I'm into it if you had to get a tattoo now

what would you get I would still probably get a Morrissey tattoo or maybe like I don't know like Morrissey's face or like no the word Morrissey cute and in the font you know yeah or maybe Viva hate or something I would get probably get some text somewhere discreet like on the inside of my upper arm or something yeah what about you what would you just have like pain as weakness leaving the body circling around my butthole tramp stamp I wonder if someone will ever get the red scared tramp stamp oh yeah I mean it's not the really flattering tattoo it's just like blocky red ink no but we'd be surprised what kind of tats people

get yeah probably as tats people adorn themselves with read one yeah read in time dear Dasha and Anna recently I asked my boyfriend to buy me a silver oval signet ring as an apology for claiming that he didn't know if he loved me deeply he said this in a moment of confusion and doubt about the relationship is it weird or normal to ask for gifts when you feel you've been hurt I think it's bizarre and weird and a big red flag when women list the specifics of what they want as a gift I think it's very craven and decent behavior that I personally would never engage in I'm gonna disagree with you a

little bit I think it's normal I think men I mean it depends I think on the on on a case-by-case basis but I think sometimes men can be a little emotionally spurgy yeah this is it's a very it's kind of a straightforward way of articulating a need that they can meet materially and that it's not it sounds like you know within a reasonable range like a silver ring is probably not you know it's I think it's weird to ask for like a specific yeah that's not an actual like you know it's a specific item that he's gonna have to search out for expressing doubt about the relationship which he did stupidly and

now she's gonna kind of like chisel and manipulate him into a kind of asserting his commitment which he doesn't really have by the sound of it I mean it seems like it's it seems like she's trying to squeeze him materially because she understands on some intuitive level that the relationship is in a not ideal place yeah that's my feeling I'm not trying to be like nasty or harsh I just I'm very wary of I think probably from my own a very withdrawn and withholding mother I've learned that you don't ask for and or expect gifts and then they actually come you know I think that you can have an understanding with your

significant other that you know some people gift giving is their love language yeah it's not it's not mine but I think you know kind of whatever is clever like if you can figure out I think I agree that asking for something hyper specific but just sort of generally maybe articulating that some sort of meaningful gesture yeah yeah that's certainly on the table but I wouldn't frame it in terms of something material because most men go there anyway like they understand that we ladies like mm-hmm some flowers or some jewelry or whatever the other thing is like the flip side another behavior that

I don't like that women engage in and that I personally think is counter productive is when they reject gifts that men offer them yeah that is always bad news just I think grin and bear it you know absolutely because again it's really the thought that counts I agree and understand their emotional limitations yeah and what the the gift is sort of in lieu of yeah and I think as long as you have yeah an understanding about about it then whatever works yeah but a ring's a little much it's a little excessive it's a little too symbolically charged I totally understand if she like implied somehow that she

wanted maybe like flowers or a dinner or something yeah low-precious right right and not just any ring but a very specific ring that she had on her wish list or any just send them your Amazon wish list yeah be his only fans girl next one hi guys I've got a new woman in my life and everything is fantastic except one minor detail in the bedroom she keeps digging her nails into my back during sex as though we are fucking in the naughties but as in the early 2000s at first I thought it was rather quaint as I haven't had that done since about 2012 is it just me or did girl stop doing that in the early 2010s the

first time she did it was great that it's not the nostalgia I mean like a pristine refraction but now it triggers wistfulness and introspection about a sexual culture and steep decline I don't want to be a cock-and-teller to stop so how can I rewire my brain on this one thanks yeah it's not in vogue for sure yeah most I think the if I had to guess the sexual trends of the day seemed to be more about like the choke me daddy variety I don't know I don't know how to how to get past this one I know I saw this question I was like oh this is an interesting question we should answer

and then I was like I actually have no answer for this like tell her to stop but that's like painful and rejecting and she probably won't go over it well but I think okay look I haven't dug my nails into anyone's back since about 2012 so I think she's just performing something yeah and maybe as you get closer in your relationship develops you shall engage in more authentic and less performative behaviors during sex and it'll naturally kind of run its course yeah I think she thinks you think it's hot of course so the trick is to tacitly broadcast to her that in fact you find other things hot hmm so maybe you can even experiment with

other stuff which might be yeah exciting in your burgeoning sex life um you could really prioritize doggie for instance where she can't she can't physically access I love when you're restrained just like hog tire I think that's good advice yeah just just keep her away from your back just get a fake sunburn ouch um I cheated on my boyfriend with my best friend and so my boyfriend and I broke up and now my best friend and I've been hooking up for a while but I'm kind of always codependent like I always have like a man in my life taking care of me

and loving me unconditionally and it's like every kind of relationship adds like it into another one um what advice what advice do you have for me also I think I cheated on my boyfriend because he didn't want to have sex and I just like was really horny it was built up thanks love you guys so much I named my cat after Dasha she named her cat Dasha that's so cute um someone on the reddit posted like a doberman puppy that I know Dasha it's a great game for an animal yeah it's true she cheated on her boyfriend with her best friend and she has concerns about her codependent serial monogamous

tendencies she sounds pretty young yeah I did that a lot in my early 20s I often cheated on people to get out of relationships but then would find myself tethered to the the person I cheated on my previous partner with this seems like a lack of impulse control and emotional discipline that is totally forgivable when you're as young as she sounds maybe she can check in with us yeah it's like 42 and has a clip you're seeing in is my I was lamenting to my therapist recently about how much time I had wasted sort of in these codependent relationship dynamics mm-hmm where I you know would fall like obsessively in love with some

junkie and like six months would go it would go by and I was sort of like how I could have probably been much more productive and successful yeah I had prioritized other things and he said that what it sounded like I was saying to him was that I could have been more productive if I had felt more safe as a young person and that relationships for myself and many young women are kind of like refuge yeah and it's okay yeah to do what you have to do to survive really I think if you felt less precarious and more encouraged not even safe per se yeah taking creative risks implies even like a lack of safety on some level but

yeah if you felt like you had something to fall back on sure if you failed yeah and precarity just in general like you know materially financially emotionally psychologically yeah it was very helpful to feel tethered to a partner yeah I mean it I think it seems like this is probably a pattern she's gonna be repeating a couple more times yeah and it's like fine don't beat yourself up but keep it in mind yeah it's David as you say yeah exactly an email my mom is dating my paternal uncle thoughts real mindfuck when I first met her so she's dating her dad's brother or yeah yeah I hope really my

only thought is I hope your dad's dead yeah this is one actually where I'd like to know a little bit more about the familial dynamics is your it sounds like your dad's not dead he's because I mean like I said this sounds like a very Biden family situation which assumes typically that somebody is dead and someone is mourning in him widow fucker yeah inappropriate and maladjusted way by a fucking one of their relatives yeah in which is more understandable than the alternative which is their father is alive and yeah I saw your mom sounds like a piece of work yeah

you both therapy yeah I really don't know good luck hey there I'm in a long-term relationship with a loving boyfriend however we haven't had sex in months I am unfortunately physically repulsed by him he's had this medical condition that makes his touch unbearable but I crave intimacy am I entitled to have an affair or will I regret it I could be having sex if I wanted to is this morally reprehensible what he has a medical condition that makes his touch unbearable yeah what is he like the tree man covered in words what's his medical condition unbearable to her or does he find some unbearable she says

she's physically repulsed by him he has a medical condition called yeah being fat and gross yeah or maybe he smells bad or something yeah maybe yeah has really rough hands yeah I don't know you're not entitled to have an affair I think you guys should break up yeah I mean look it's either way over yeah either way you slice it sounds pretty bad if you break up with him with some kind of it's not you it's me babe excuse he's gonna figure out that it's probably on account of his medical condition which again is being fat and gross and if you have an affair you are a morally reprehensible person I would say break

up with him yeah do the morally righteous thing it's gonna be no less pleasant but I think like you will be able to live with yourself yeah whereas in the obverse you won't I mean I really second that there's not much morals to say hi ladies oh wait are we doing a voice yeah okay hi ladies love you both love the pod so I've been spending with a close friend of mine for almost a year now and obviously haven't told him out of cowardice even though I think he may feel the same way about me he also happens to be asexual and says he doesn't feel sexual attraction despite having done like non-penetrative stuff

with former partners and jerking off and I regularly the porn I'm also pretty non-libidimal as I haven't had any sexual activity in about four years so should I tell him how we feel and risk creating a rip in our friendship also what are you guys is like general takes on asexual people thank you both that's it Canada loves you bye fake fake news bullshit well if you jacks off to porn semi-regularly he's not he's not asexual I always want to say asexual I'm a sapio sexual yeah I I mean I am inclined to call bullshit on asexuality a little bit me too it sounds like you should go for to answer your first

question I think you should confess your your feelings because it sounds like there's not there's not much to compromise doesn't sound like your relationship would be much different yeah I say burn it all down if you guys both don't seem to want to fuck that bad anyway yeah you could just kind of see where it goes and maybe your relationship will endure if it doesn't go well I have a question for all these people we get a lot of questions I mean we we had like at least half a dozen this time around about like being in love with your best friend or something that's always so shocking to me like how are people in

love with their friends I mean yeah like you love them and are in love with them in a platonic way yeah the whole point of friendship is always like that you're not horny for your friends yeah am I crazy well it's no I've I've never harbored like a like a deep crush on someone I was yeah the minute they platonically you get to know somebody in a platonic way you lose any kind of like horniness you may have been yeah it feels incestuous or something yeah but I guess they have I guess young people also I keep forgetting because I like 46 52 I keep forgetting that young people also have unresolved sexual

attractions that they call friendships right yeah right I answered my own question yeah asexual people I don't know I think like there's a very my new tiny slipper of the population that's genuinely asexual I think most people who are asexual are either completely alienated or have sexual trauma or have medical conditions the tank their libido yeah that's just my two cents yeah or they don't I mean it and again if this guy you know has had has done hands or mouth stuff or whatever and does jack off to porn I would wager that he's yeah he must be alienated from his desires in some way and just not really

know what he wants I think most cases of asexuality are really commonly just normal repression around around their sexuality so it sounds like you guys should maybe try and venture to fuck jack each other off or whatever all right hi ladies I 25 F met my boyfriend when I was in college he had already graduated and was working a retail job we fell in love at first site and we've been madly in love for the past four years however I ended up in a high-powered career path where I've been very successful and I generally have a very busy social and professional life my boyfriend is a homebody and content

with few friends he still works retail he talks about being at staying at home dad but I'm worried I'm gonna end up doing most of the labor in our relationship having a career plus having and raising children since even career women still seem to end up raising kids sometimes I just want to be taken care of by a man I love him a lot and want to stay together but will our relationship be compatible long-term thanks so this is a success gap question versus an age question thank you yeah it's tough you know you want it sounds like you don't want the same things out of life and that there's a discrepancy in

your ambition levels and as a man I mean I obviously understand wanting to be with someone who is ambitious and able to take care of me high-powered has a huge dick rich as hell yeah emotionally and available but she does make a very good point you know that like stay-at-home dad is kind of a cop out because women still do have to do a tremendous amount of child rearing especially early in okay this is gonna be my most progressive lefty take but I actually think like the gender roles they are a change in for better for worse we can't scale them back I think like there is a paradigm shift where it's no

longer the case that men are more successful than women unless you marry an aris right I feel like the fact that he talks about being a stay-at-home dad is this a reassuring sign it's not necessarily a red flag right like the fact that he says that he is a stay-at-home dad wants to be a stay-at-home dad and not like a stay-at-home gamer right seems to imply that he wants to have some role in running the household and taking care of the family and if that's something that you to communicate on and agree that the arrangement works for you that doesn't preclude also the fact that he is is capable of taking care of you

in certain ways like having dinner ready having the house cleaned if he's willing to do those things and I don't yeah problem right it's a division of labor question ultimately but I do think in you know infant hood you are going to be crucial and spread very thin yeah you have to do both yeah unless you you know are fabulously successful I think but it also it sounds like he's you know she does want to she has a stimulating circle of friends and all of that like I think to me it sounds like eventually it sounds like they might make grow apart just because they'll want different things yeah I mean it remains to be seen

but if they're if she says they're madly in love and this is the truth I don't see why they can't work make it work with this arrangement provided they're willing to communicate their like needs and expectations that sounds very corny but it's true would you be able to be with a man who was very content staying at home and like not working yeah I mean you I worked at home I I he should start a podcast yeah our boyfriend should start a podcast or they talk about stuff that we're personally not interested in that they could talk about on air with each other so that we don't have to suffer minutiae but no I

don't know if I could be with somebody who who wasn't like intellectually or creatively ambitious but I also don't you know that's more important to me than even the the financial yeah on the flip side I don't think that I as much as I talk about the trad life or whatever people think I do when I really don't I don't think that I would want to be with like kind of like a Wall Street stock broker yeah like Sephardic guy I mean they wouldn't want to be with me there let's be real yeah I think it like and I think it's expected now especially in the milieu that we live in that if you have kids the man helps you know rear

care yeah rear them take care of the household on some level yeah and I'm also okay with doing like a slightly higher like more disproportionate amount of the domestic chores because like let's be real like I mean we don't want a lot going on yeah I'm not like nine-to-five being yeah and coming home like in my stamped down payless flats exhausted right lactating yeah yeah so Eli can focus on his avant-garde drumming and his like sound pad next question do you want to read it or I think it's it's my turn yeah oh fuck my boyfriend of a year and a half wants to become a cop he was going to be a firefighter but cops make

more money and we want a big family I'm not uptight but cop is lying in the sand for me and not the kind of life I see myself in and every other way we're perfect and plan on marriage this has been a huge drift what to do yeah I mean I'll say this totally earnestly and unironically I'd rather date a cop than I would date a leftist no I'm serious like some academia or media guy I don't think there's anything necessary I don't think that you you know should liquidate or dissolve a perfectly good relationship where the man wants to have a family with you

because he wants to be a cop I don't think cop is a such a great job not because of like ACAB but because he's putting his life in the line or whatever online yeah I didn't realize that cops made much more money than firefighters also yeah interesting but yeah it's I would maybe evaluate why it's such a line in the sand for you yeah maybe you've been drinking that abolish the police Kool-Aid a little too much and you could you should have a frank and on this conversation about why he wants to be a cop you know yeah like if it is just for the financial incentives I would say that's not enough if he wants

to be a cop so he can like do police brutality that you know that's one thing but I want to kill some minorities but I think many cops while they might not be you know super educated or intellectual or go into the police force for in good will you know and for good reasons we do need police yeah so I think yeah you should try to be a little more open-minded and he sounds hot and uniform but we smell hi ladies happy Halloween I was curious what you guys think about do you think it's possible for one person to be with one person forever with no cheating do you think it's possible to be happy in a

long-term marriage I guess with some never cheating on their spouse will they be satisfied sexually that unreasonable to expect sorry it's unretarded okay very existential question yeah I thought I definitely think it's possible I think it was easier back in the day when women had less opportunities and had to stay devoted I know it was easier back in the day when there was a less mobility and less information and people were simply more constrained by their circumstances and surroundings yeah I mean a range marriages certainly have a high success rate yeah I wonder if they do now like what the stats are you know and you know

I just died and he had the same old lady for 70 years they were married forever and he was like a Hollywood music composition hot shot and he didn't give a shit he just retired back to his like villa in Italy the good life yeah with this woman that he really really loved I mean I think it's certainly possible but you have to be very like again self-disciplined and you have to know thine self essentially right and I think you know millennials have a more of a grass is always greener kind of yeah with the wealth of not to sound like a boomer but you know with the apps you know people have millennials especially

I think a lot of delusions about their kind of prospects and so knowing thine self also includes kind of a harsh realism yeah about what your life is gonna be like or can be like and it's just sort of a balance I guess yeah and I think like the big thing to keep in mind I mean I think we said this when we were like talking about Amy Coney Barrett is that there's like a waning dwindling sub subset of extremely religious people who don't view reproduction within marriage as a choice like once they've taken the vow of marriage and they get pregnant they just go through with it because they see it

as up to God now and not up to them and this is like not a criticism of anybody because we in this room are certainly also infected by this like consciousness but like you can't go back from that you know once you once you've been liberated emancipated or whatever and you see things as like a choice right there's no going back the sexual market the sexual remark it yeah and I think you'll you'll always be a little bit in the kind of like optimization mindset I mean this is like literally the whole thesis of every Wellbeck book ever yeah so it's harder now more than ever but I think like you have to believe

it's possible yeah cuz it's the only way to live well well sad well well sad well done it's your theory how oh wait are we playing a didn't we just oh I don't know that's all right I'll read we just read we just played a voicemail so it's time for a funny oops hi ladies love the pod here's my question I recently had a one month love affair with a man with whom I had a connection like no other unfortunately though I recently left the country for a bit however plan to at least remain friends when I get back hopefully more while we continue to chat daily there's one problem I'm a total trust fund horror rich bitch effect which

I obscured during our initial affair is it right to continue to hide my wealth and if not how do I go about letting him know I'm not actually struggling in the sham of an economy without coming off like a brat or lying maniac thanks ladies I think you'll be really happy to hear that you have a trust fund I don't think I guess it depends how much you if you actively lied about your financial situations or if you just sort of lied by omission I can't imagine why if he's not a total loser you wouldn't be thrilled to know that you have a generous safety I would be more worried like if I came from a ultra wealthy trust fund

background I guess I would be paranoid that people like men would use me for my money or something like that yeah but yeah I think he's probably gonna be somewhere along the spectrum of relieved to thrilled yeah though if he's smart he'll hold it over your head for lying and get max manipulative enjoyment make you buy him a lavish gift so that ring says neoliberalism I also think it's totally reasonable if you come from a rich family to not reveal that to people instantly it's understandable why anybody would be like cautious or KG of course so I think it's totally forgivable that you didn't immediately

reveal this a month one month love yeah you don't need to get into the details yeah the nitty-gritty of your finances I think you're all good yeah congrats yeah on the on the sacks and the well hey Anna and Dasha I would love to hear your take on the ethics of faking orgasms my boyfriend is annoyingly obsessed with making me come in quotes sometimes I do and sometimes I just can't I'm also an anti-depressants that make it more difficult should I be honest with him about it yeah I think she should be honest blame the SSR eyes blame the SSR eyes but yeah because there's nothing worse than someone like valiantly trying

to make you come when you know that you're not getting there yeah I think every once in a while it's fine to fake an orgasm yeah totally you know just in the interest of keeping things running smoothly yeah but definitely not the majority of the time or even often I think if as long as you're you know enjoying sex it's not crucial and it isn't crucial for you to have an orgasm yeah which for me it sort of is it's kind of the point yeah me too but we're male-brained it's my understanding that a lot of women are not exceptionally orgasmic I or it takes some a while I think most women are reasonably

confidently orgasmic but it takes at least a decade to figure out where you're up for a lot of women not every some women are very like hair trigger some women like literally never come but I think not coming as a woman is a lot like being asexual as a person in general there's a very tiny sliver of people who are psychologically or medically unable to do it but the vast majority yeah I have not worked through some circumstantial problem yeah but if it's not happening every time and you don't feel a burning desire if you're not feeling unsatisfied I'd say I think it's okay to communicate to your

partner that you know you can still have sex and enjoy it and not come yeah and save yourself the charade of faking an orgasm yeah when's the last time you faked an orgasm hmm I really don't okay very much I'll do it if in relationships basically never but if I'm like drunk and having sex with someone random then I'll just you know be like oh god I'm I bust it but um I think yeah I'm I'm a pretty honest and open partner I'm also pretty easily orgasmic not to brag but I am I can get there yeah most of the time yeah hey ladies oh sorry it's time for a it's time for a voice mail hey girls I'm in a long distance

relationship with my boyfriend I go to college in Dallas so we're not gonna be together this year on Halloween and usually he's like super chill about everything but I was showing up my costume but I already bought it and he was like you can't wear that and granted it's like pretty funny it's pretty much just like laundry technically it's like a made costume but I don't listen to that night it's like my last Halloween in college and I already bought it so let me know what you think thanks healthy girls yes yeah you can definitely dress like a whore on Halloween yeah that's what it is the whole point yeah your boyfriend

can't tell you when to wear a girl my body my choice yeah if his concerns are that men will toggle you or that you'll get super drunk and cheat on him or something it's those are just that has nothing to do with those are totally valid and realistic concerns but guess what they're his problem yeah and if that is his concern I think whether or not you you dress like a slutty maid or not won't really make a make a difference so you already bought the costume I agree you know you already bought it you're gonna look great you're gonna have a lot of fun I think it's cute that he's like a little jealous and

overprotective but yeah you know it's like college it's COVID yeah knock yourself live a little leave a little hey ladies my COVID BF of seven months has briefly met my parents one time but refuses anything more a few weeks ago he declined a weekend birthday trip to our lake house because my family would be there he's Eastern European has been in the US for about three years he says in his country hanging out with my family would be a big step and would mean we are close to marriage I think he just can't be bothered to have to deal with meeting the family do you think it's normal or should I worry that he's

simply not interested I hate to break it to you babes but this has nothing to do with like his boring ass I disagree I mean I don't think it has to do with his country necessarily but I do think that people's families are a drag dude and it's yeah you know I don't want to spend time with someone's family unless I'm I am like gonna be married to them and gonna have to you know unless I literally have to but it sounds like he doesn't really entertain those kind of ideas how long have they been together that's not that long I know it's fine to go away with your I don't I have a very estranged relationship with my

family I don't yeah I wouldn't put that expectation on my partner to like go on a trip with my family that does seem very American I think American Jews especially are like obsessed with going on vacations with their families and I think that that's weird I know wait that's true yeah and he probably just doesn't want to have to do that unless he is in it for the long haul and he doesn't know yet and that's fine because you haven't been together that long and it's you know don't delude yourself into thinking it's a great opportunity for someone to go on a trip with your family it's a lot of pressure and for the most

part family's sock it's annoying and claustrophobic yeah and you have to like witness the somebody else's family commit microaggressions against each other and he's already met her parents so it's he's done the bare minimum there I guess I I'm coming at this from the point of view of a person who comes from a relatively disinterested family yeah same and like I guess I met the one American Jew whose family is also relatively disinterested and like don't go on vacations together yeah like a pig and shit my mom used to always tell me marry a Jew but marry an orphan that's good advice honestly yeah yeah cuz then

you get the just the dumbest city without the baggage you know yeah you don't have to go to the lake house yeah yeah I personally wouldn't want to yeah no I get it I mean I get my parents but I would play it by ear it's it seems like he's like I mean my parents literally have said like why would we you know like do you want to meet my boyfriend and they're like why would we want to meet him when you're probably just gonna pick up my mom said this throughout history too they're like why do we have to it's and I it is a little cultural I think too because Eastern Europeans yeah it's a big but it's they don't it's very

they feel very put upon yeah you know for my parents it's a big to-do to have to entertain whatever boyfriend I bring around and they don't want to be bothered they're not interested and I respect them for that that's fine you lies like the only boyfriend that my mom has liked but she doesn't even care about seeing him in person she just DMs him on Twitter but she's never liked any of my other boyfriends yeah but she's always like a cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo me and your and your mom shall go on vacation next question hey Anna and Dasha should I tell a girl I'm interested in if I was a me too to

for a non-violent offense I'm afraid she'll find herself find it herself because it comes up when you google my name in my college I already lost all my friends at the small gay ass live arts college I attended I'm afraid I'll never make deep connections with anyone for the rest of my life busted in the bay should we give us yeah let's get the context which she included I'm a mid 20s dude who was me too for sending a vaguely threatening text to a tinder hookup after she laughed at me for not being able to get hard after eating her out my rhythm was off and she wouldn't blow me back was not into my assertion

that oral sex is more intimate than penetrative sex long story short her radical queer POC artist roommate hosted a long tumble entry about how quote I'm the kind of man who rapes a woman at a party the kind of guy who beats his girlfriend so obviously everyone around me just assumed I'd rape this girl and now it's the first thing that comes up when you google my name in my college when I whatever I suck but I've been working hard on my relationship to a man and I think I'm a better man now for not letting my anger boil over anymore

yeah you should tell her she's gonna find out yeah and also never and under estimate how much women love a fixer upper yeah like she may this new girl might be very like protective and possessive over you because you've been wronged by other women in the past and totally there's nothing more erotically riveting to women than competition with other women yeah I was I started dating a guy once who had a bad breakup and was this was prior to me too thankfully for him we didn't have the kind of language me too industrial complex that we have now but but yeah he had a girlfriend who made like a she

made an Instagram post about how he had been physically abusive over the course of their relationship which he may be I think it was a very toxic I think they did this and dear you to him yes and acquaintance of mine called me and was like Dasha I just want you to know that this guy hit his girlfriend and I my first thought was literally like well I hope he kills me she deserved it yeah I you don't have to trip about never connecting to someone again I would try and get ahead of it you know it wouldn't be the first thing I tell a love interest but I think yeah women are can be very understanding especially if

they're horny so telling your new love interests that you have been me too is the new telling your new love interests that you have herpes yeah and she oh yeah I could see a girl even liking it because it means that your options are kind of diminished yeah I would just with hold the part about not being able to get it up for the time being just kidding you should what's what's the spin he should put on it no I don't know yeah I would tell her you know I want to know what the vaguely threatening text that's cunt really my favorite delicious taco short stories about a guy who's talking to like a 38 year old woman he's like

38 and she has a dog and he talks about how a big dog is a man proxy and the little dog is a baby proxy and she they're like on a dating app and she says like I'm a rad girl and deserve a rad guy and he calls her a cunt and unmatched but anyway if he's listening maybe you could email us back with yeah maybe you could send us some threatening tags yeah for us to to enjoy hey how's it going so call in there's a little hotline thing here try to figure out what a what costume to be for Halloween for men you know don't only make sexy costumes for men you want to find something to impress people with

but it's hard you go to the store there's like a inflatable hot dog or playable hamburger or something like that no don't cool costumes for men wait you got any suggestions trying to think of something good here but it's getting hard you know thanks halloween costumes for men sexy halloween costumes for men maybe you could be a sexy inflatable hot dog or hamburger just cut a glory hole out in the crotch I think you should dress like a cop and not like a sexy cop just like literally a straight-up cop I think that's one of the hottest looks that you

can pull off seasonally yeah you know kind of the the village people formula except for the indian cop firefighter you could dress like Freud or G jack you could dress like a like a man of intellectual repute with a distinctive look that wouldn't dear women to you uh-huh I think yeah I wouldn't I would try on a try to exude power rather than overt sexuality as a man and in general I think it's hot not to look at you're trying too hard so don't go over the top yeah or maybe don't dress up because the hottest thing is a man who does not dress up for Halloween that's yeah who's confident enough to be himself yeah

and just acknowledge the rest of the world that he's 38 and does not or the Joker yeah oh yeah that's a classic any iteration of the Joker really but hey Anna and Dasha should I tell a girl I'm interested in if I oops reading the next one God IRL reply guy I haven't I'll just read it I'm having technical problems I have an irritating simp that won't leave me alone at first I was hoping to keep him as a friend we're at the same college so he's unavoidable and some of his guy friends are kind of hot but I can't handle this anymore he keeps asking me to hang out but in an open-ended way so I can't just

say that I'm busy on that day I'd have to say no I don't ever want to see you how do I get him to leave me alone but in a non-hostile way because I don't want him telling everyone I'm a bitch or something and how do I stop this happening in general do I simply stop being a kind person yeah I feel you you have to my impulse would be to ice him out gradually and hope he gets the message yeah but she's sort of doing that now right and he still hasn't gotten the message yeah hi I can maybe next week and then he's like yeah when next week just lie and say you have a hot new Saudi boyfriend and he does not let you

talk to other men yeah sometimes Sam's will do this thing where they yeah they won't they'll sort of toe the line between asking you out kind of it sounds like what he's doing is he's not even making real tangible kind of advances he's sort of lurking under the guise of friendship and that's really a jam because you have to you know you can't be like I don't I have a boyfriend or cuz then you seem sort of presumptuous yeah but if you say that you have like a radical Islamist boyfriend who doesn't want you talking to any man like you service people yes he might understand that he might get the picture yeah just say

you're moving to a different city well they go to college together I know but just try that yeah real sociopathic he might follow you more gaslighted yeah it's I don't know you're I feel for you I feel like I've been in this in this situation I'm avoidance so I just would kind of ignore them yeah and you know the worst thing it's really embarrassing and pathetic for everyone involved and then yeah yeah but the like the most horrible thing about being a woman fuck one of his friends immediately yeah you should yeah but then he'll definitely call you bitch and this isn't the most horrible thing about being a

woman but one of them the most serious inconveniences of being a woman a woman a woman is that like when you're nice to guys because you find them to be unattractive and non-threatening they assume it's because you want their cock yeah whereas when you're somewhat rude to guys because you think they're hot they don't get the message do you have that that problem I used to when I was in my 20s yeah you have that problem anymore yeah I definitely have naggy flirting tactics for sure and it's unfortunate when those aren't yeah they don't get it correct yeah I love to nag usually it works now because I've

become more sophisticated in my nagging yeah age yes just like you're ugly get away right perfect but speaking of which if you if you nag them about psychology they love it they eat it up on that note a hot tip a question to consider fuck Mary kill Freud young Lacan really good one um fuck Lacan for sure Mary young kill Freud huh okay I'm almost on the same tip I would kill Lacan because he's so much carnage on the hearts and minds of young people and is responsible for people like Judith Butler and also for wokeness though actually that might be Foucault that's Foucault I would oh this is hard I would

want to marry young because he seems like a better husband than Freud but I don't really want to fuck Freud but I guess I take a bullet and fuck Freud so that you can marry young and kill Lacan yeah well Lacan seems like he would be the best in bed yeah because he's French and he understands confusing yeah and because he's French and confusing and understands you know ruminates constantly on desire and whatnot so it seems like he would be the most interesting to have sex with you great husband material but probably a little you know boring although if a dangerous method is to be believed kindly

gullible susceptible to female flattery yeah you know I'd kill Lacan fuck young who's probably into like making women come and like pleasing them and marry Freud so I could kick that other bitch Anna his daughter out of the orbit of his legacy and take over it myself right I'd be the real Anna Freud I was looking at Bella Freud's website the other day she's the sweater peddler yeah hoping that I was I was ready to invest honestly I thought it was I was like I could see myself owning a Bella Freud garment yeah it's Bella Freud yes limb pickings have I already said on the pod that is great grandson follows me

on Instagram no what's his great grandson's name Jimmy Jimmy right no he has I don't know I've actually had a Freud he's a model Colton Freud he's a model who's friends with a gene Gallagher he's in that friend group which is how I became aware of him and he's like a zoomer or whatever but he is really cute and he likes my pics sometimes but I don't he's his great great or maybe another great in there or something but he's of the Freudian lineage and I think it's cool that he's I think he might be in a band or something yeah so that rocks he has no internal monologue great family okay moving on so a guy

who I used to have a crush on recently hit me up to go on a date and I was stalking his who he follows on Instagram and realized he follows a lot of like thick insta bodies with like basketball sized implants so I was wondering if you think this is just a red flag and I should not go out with him or if I should just accept that men are gross and try to ignore it thanks I love you guys bye a guy she has a crush on follows a bunch of nasty thoughts on Instagram what can I say guys guys like bimbos yeah tough tits every guy who is sexually healthy and not dysfunctional sexually likes what we women would

think are disgusting slam pigs that's a good sign you know a man is healthy yeah if he's into whatever is like the pathology of the month on Instagram right normal yeah I do find it a little repulsive and shameful for men to be publicly horny yeah my issue is more with the you know the kind of perhaps he's unaware that people can see who he's following on Instagram and judge him accordingly I would want my partner to at least present more innocuously online yes yeah but the desires themselves I think are fairly innocuous and common place and again a healthy sign no that's very well said I have nothing to add I

think it's probably a more depressing and disturbing that he would be publicly horny yeah but go on the date with him because he asked you out which means he likes you and is attracted to you yeah otherwise he wouldn't ask exactly yeah and there's you know there's not always a direct correlation between the thoughts that men lust over on Instagram and what they're looking for in a in a partner yeah I think this could all be easily bypassed if we just banned men from Instagram I mean I would go a whole hog and ban them from social media in general straight guys yeah but except like promote their work but Instagram

definitely and a female intern has to do it yeah I agree hi Anna and Dasha I'm a huge fan of the pod and happy you brought love line brought back love line I've been dating my bf for about eight or nine months down do love him he really hasn't done anything to make me feel insecure in our relationship the only that thing that's made me question him was when he brought up an exes only fans he said he he said he and his buddies were joking about one of them subscribing to it and even asking her for a discount so pretty funny joke he mentioned all of it jokingly but it's still really annoyed me which I let him

know I told him that if he would ever subscribe to it or to other exes I'd be done and he agreed that that made sense I do think he was just joking about it but he still follows her on Instagram and mentioned it more than once so I just got a bit paranoid is it normal that he'd be curious about an ex delving into this or do you think that I should be a bit cautious he hasn't done anything suspicious but the comments he made about it originally irritated me am I overreacting and being jealous or is it normal to ask him to not talk about her slash look at her content I guess this kind of folds into a previous question

but with an extra dimension yeah I think you will also kind of have to just get over it honestly yeah you know unless he's I doubt he wants to subscribe to his own yeah only fans there's nothing really bad he was bringing you a bone like you know when dogs bring you a bone or cat brings you like a dead animal like he was just like hey look how funny this joke is we're gonna ask her for a discount yeah I think it's yeah you're being a little paranoid and you should get a get a little bit of a grip yeah no man wants to date an only fans girl he's with you for a reason probably because you don't have an only fans and

he definitely doesn't I mean he might be kind of curious about the content but I doubt it's a burning interest because he's already been there done that yeah I mean if I was a guy and my ex started doing only fans I would be mildly curious I'd be a little peaked and I'd want to see but not to jack off to yeah but I'd be curious like what kind of content she was broadcasting to the world exactly good luck our straight men capable of romantic love of the way that women are it is I think it's more common to see couples that you can just tell that the woman loves the man more than he loves her like they don't get

as involved I've had some bad experiences that are probably making my perspective on this more and more bleak would love to know your thoughts on this love the pod I think this touches on a point I made earlier which is that romantic relationships are much more primary in women's lives because women are often more precarious in various respects so but I do absolute obviously men are just as capable of being in deep romantic love as much as women are I just think men are more often kind of sort of lifelines for women whereas women tend to be nuisances for men on that can I read a quote from well yeah

at this stage it might be necessary to provide some clarification about love intended more for women as women have a difficulty understanding what love is for men and they are constantly disconcerted by their attitudes and behavior and sometimes reach the erroneous conclusion that men are incapable of love they rarely perceive that the very word love signifies two radically different realities for men and for women for women love is power as you said a primary thing a janitor generally the genonic generative tectonic power love when it manifests itself in women is one of the most

imposing natural phenomenon and it should be treated with awe it is a creative power of the same order as an earthquake or a climactic disturbance its origin lies in a different ecosystem a different environment a different universe through love women create a new world small isolated creatures were bobbing about in an uncertain existence and here comes a woman to create the conditions for life as a couple a new social sentimental and genetic entity whose vocation is quite simply to eliminate all traces of the pre-existing individuals of which it is formed this new entity is essentially already

perfect men are initially reserved they admire and respect this emotional release without fully understanding it it seems quite strange to them to make such a fuss about it but gradually they are transformed they are slowly sucked into the vortex of passion and pleasure that a woman creates more precisely they recognize her will her pure and unconditional will that they understand that will is in essence absolutely good even if she requires frequent and preferably daily vaginal penetration as a normal condition of its manifestation there's more this is from serotonin beautiful I have very well said yeah I

think men are capable of love but in a different way yeah I think right the framework of romantic love is very feminine yeah and obviously women's ideations about it are feminine and men just experience it differently yeah and I think men I don't mean this to be like cynical again or like provocative but I think men for men love is intimately tied up with sex in a way that it isn't for women or I mean maybe not as as intensely yeah and I would say that it also has something to do psychologically structurally right heterosexual relationships men the realities of sex difference yeah psychologically are the

you know men kind of structure the symbolic order of the world and women are more sort of relegated to the kind of primordial reproductive that symbolic order and so straighting it's decline yeah so a relationship with a man is a way of participating right in in civil in civilization and in the symbolic psychological order of reality dark show pen how are you and read of it or he talks about like women's passions and interests are secondary to their primary passion which is holding a man captive right so they're like tastes and stuff he argues which I would disagree with our are kind of like proxy tastes right

I would also disagree with that but I just but it what I won't argue with yeah is that men sort of passions and interests are more primary in their life because they go through at least the first half of their life attempting tip usually to like become high achieving and productive within yeah to master space exactly yeah men want a master space and women want a master men I think that's like the very kind of conservative trad breakdown of it and Ur as Welbeck says love for men is an end but for women it's a beginning Wow which is very profound I guess hey red scare so I have a spooky sex question for you I have a

medical condition condition called vaginismus that makes penetrating sex really painful because you're like pelvic muscles like spasm when you're being penetrated and I've just kind of really lost my sexual confidence after figuring out I have this but like so I just kind of don't know how to kind of go about having sex now because now I feel like I have to have this serious conversation kind of before it happens and I was kind of wondering how maybe you would go about that kind of bringing it up because I feel like it is kind of scary to start a conversation with someone you might have sex with with so I

have this medical condition you know just kind of yeah how to go about that I don't know but now I do get to say that I have a medically tight pussy I had a great idea maybe this young lady with the medical condition can get together with the boyfriend from of the previous young lady who also has a medical condition touches unfair yeah and maybe his touch will be therapeutic for her extremely medically tight pussy congrats on the type sorry to hear about the pain I understand why your sexual confidence could be shot but I wouldn't despair because I mean I'm not a doctor but I believe that conditions like that

that manifests themselves sexually can often be psychosomatic yeah you know and that I think with the right partner and the right sort of open honest really authentic relationship your symptoms could diminish and that it is within the realm of possibility for you to have a satisfying relatively painless sex life interesting I I'm like just googling if vaginismus can be cured and also what causes it and I think in certain cases it's precipitated by like past sexual trauma like sexual abuse or molestation so I think like it's probably useful to explore what caused it if you have a diagnosis yeah and again whether it's

psychological or physical because there are also physical like medical problems that create this kind of spasming I'm just like looking right right of course yeah they could be you know terminal but my hunch is that there is probably emotional psychological things to unpack there yeah I personally wouldn't lead with vaginismus like on a first stage yeah but it's you know sex is extremely treacherous and traumatic for all kinds of people who don't have diagnosed medical conditions and it is scary to open yourself up to intimacy especially penetrative intimacy so I would just I mean I think you don't have a choice you

just have to kind of be very wary and careful about your choice of partners and yeah and ease into it and find a way of establishing a sexual rapport with someone that isn't traumatic or painful for you I'm sorry and you don't have to do penetration there's plenty of other really don't things like anal pen next question hey ladies love the pod have either of you dated someone who's bipolar any any thoughts on what that's like or how to handle it no no just no don't do it I've definitely had short relationships with people who are bipolar yeah and it was extremely challenging and unpleasant and I guess

I don't really have advice for how to handle it because I didn't end up pursuing long-term relationships with those people mm-hmm but I am a big advocate for therapy I think people with bipolar and borderline famously very hard to date but not in that hopeless yeah I mean I think my dad was probably a little bipolar so I like lived with a person who oscillated between extreme I've never tried I definitely have friends who are bipolar and my advice in that regard would be kind of arms length yeah practicing boundaries but obviously that's more complicated with dating I think that the thing I've yeah

I've had friends who have dated bipolar people I think the danger there is that as with any kind of seriously mentally ill person you have to really be careful to distinguish between what's mental illness and what's emotional manipulation because they may say or do things that are like really horrific and then chalk it up to their mental illness that's good advice my question is about cucks the last few guys I've gone out with get turned on when I talk about the other guys I've been with and or really want to watch me fuck another guy the first two cucks could have been coincidence but the third time seems like a pattern

is there some way I could be attracting cucks or is this just a common kink also what is the psychology behind it to the best of your knowledge I thought it's stemmed from some kind of insecurity about having a small dick but all these guys have had well above average ones thanks it's interesting cuckolding is interesting it's I understand to be incredibly common even though I've not encountered it very much just all of that pressure carrying around incredibly huge dick makes you want to but yeah cuckolding humiliation etc are relatively common areas of sexual interest yeah they're probably on the rise now yeah I

think cuckolding porn is some of the most the most popular for sure it is interesting that you're developing a pattern of dating these people maybe you are putting something out there that is drawing cucks to you but maybe also you you might be like an exceptionally kind of open person who invites your partners to reveal this to you because I think that it does fall within the range of normal sexual interest but most people aren't comfortable talking about it yeah so the fact that three of your of your boyfriends have voiced these desires to you I think is almost more interesting than the fact that they have them what

do you think cuckolding stems from yeah I don't know I've never thought about it humiliation yeah it's it's yeah about kind of eroticizing feelings of inadequacy and failure yeah I think well you know if I were to psychoanalyze it like more and more men now feel kind of like cocked by life cocked by life and feel like inadequate and failed yeah so I think maybe they're like taking matters into their own hands like the sexual terrain yeah interesting that's my fake dog do you think it's a package I hope so I hope it's something you bought on the internet I'm just gonna ignore it yeah and play the next one

hey guys quick question do you think it is spooky to have like music on when you have sex I'm asking because recently I guess what are your thoughts on having music on when you have sex that like wasn't already on like putting music on like it love it sorry it's a long fight spooky I have to pee okay I guess I'll answer that I guess I don't worry sorry what's the question is it spooky to play music during sex yeah thoughts on music during sex I mean it depends on the music yeah I have a very specific playlist if you will what's your playlist I mean it's not a real playlist it's just those things that I am comfortable with but I

definitely think I hooked up with a guy from my acting class once who put on that band the kills and I found that to be shocking and non erotic so it's I think it's fine within the context of a relationship where you sort of are aesthetically and sexually aligned and yeah can make that call for yourselves you know yeah otherwise yeah pretty spooky yeah I mean it really depends I I personally like don't like listening to music when I have sex because it makes me like too like meta cognitively aware of like yeah like a music video yeah and like I don't know but like the in the whole genre of like R&B was like

invented for people to like knock boots to basically so I get it that's not really on my yeah I listen to like R Kelly and Keith sweat during sex or Wagner classical music can be fun to yeah yeah or like kind of noise music or yeah they rallies they nudes this like Japanese psych band I find it very hot or like the first my bloody Valentine album like shoe gaze and shit yeah like non discernible lyrics I just had a really fucked up thought I wonder if anybody's put on like one of Eli's albums test very percussive extremely extremely jazzy people probably fucked a jazz which is funny to think about

ragtime musical theater okay next email hello ladies so I was seeing this guy for about two weeks and suddenly I felt the dynamic shift and things grow more distant at the same time my roommate began acting sus after I found out they would hang out sometimes while I was at work and put two and two together and finally yesterday she told me they were seeing each other how should I move forward in my relationship with my roommate after being cocked lots of cockery going on harsh wow ice her out they lived I know but I would ice her up for like at least some period of time you have to broadcast an express her

dissatisfaction I would take the high road and act like it's not a thing I would be like great I didn't want to date him anyway that's true and then I would find subtle ways to sabotage their relationship but I must yeah you must be feeling pretty low that sucks I mean it's also been two weeks yeah exactly deal like her boyfriend but no but a bit ego real ego blow yeah and because of that I wouldn't broadcast my dissatisfaction that's true yeah I think it would make me feel worse yeah maybe I'm a but hurt I'll take that back yeah I would act just like I don't care and just try and get over it as fast as

possible and then move the fuck away yeah I wouldn't want to live with a person who like cucked me with some other schmo fuck her dad or something yeah she have a brother I'm gonna skip that one ladies how do you not lose hope when looking for love my ex-boyfriend turned out to be an emotionally abusive freak and I live in a small town with zero cool scenes I'm also in my late 20s and a single mom I don't think I give off abject vulnerable vibes though and I'm overly educated and very capable but very shy and it seems like every dude I've

met lately is a total freak the only one so far who was normal and had a real career didn't want to get serious with me because I have a kid am I doomed is my low BMI and gracious demeanor for nothing anonymous we got like two questions from single moms yeah the same nature like is it possible to find love right yeah you're in a rough spot but it's definitely possible I think you're in your late 20s yeah it's the right person is out there for you I think it'll get easier as you get older yeah and there's definitely people who don't mind getting involved with people with children but I can understand why

it's not many people's preference some are relieved yeah yeah takes the pressure off having to inseminate also you know both of these single moms that wrote in are very thin so I think men would be reassured to know that they bounced back right from their baby body yeah so should they choose to inseminate down the line good news yeah great news for you man I yeah I think where there's a will there's a way and it's totally possible and it I know several kind of situations where a woman had children already and the man and a man decided to be with her and those men really love those women and and the children too by

the way yeah I think you should it's you sound like a great girl you should value yourself enough to sort of not to blame you but you know just be mindful of red flags with getting involved with people who might be emotionally abusive and or pedophiles you know and just sort of hold yourself to a to a high standard of of care in your in your relationships and the right person will come along is it my turn is it a voicemail time um Josh I had a sex you about you every night and I read one but if you dream of someone it means either that thinking of you or that's only good in your life so

I know you are in it too but we know that Josh and I can imagine maybe the quickest thing for you would be to be gay so just tell the listeners we want now are you just a little bit gay just a tiny little bit of humor I'm on the Kinsey scale one being straight ten being full blown lesbian would probably place myself at like a three 2.5 yeah between two and three yeah I definitely have primarily heterosexual desires but I've have I've been with I've had a I've had a lesbian lover before not to brag and I enjoyed it and it was interesting she was extremely special I definitely think

like kissing girls is hot because their faces are beautiful and soft I've never like done the whole strap-on double-sided dildo thing I don't really know how lesbian sex obviously I've never scissored no but I've done the kind of the oral thing and as I would just I guess I'm just a very sexually submissive person so I went to a women's college as some some people may know never really is an honorary lesbian yeah not a real one so as long as the the dynamic was still one in which I didn't have too much agency I think I could I could get there but it's not my preference same yeah I think all women are bisexual and

like are capable of having like sexual relations with other women and don't are capable of enjoying it I don't know I think my sister and I are both like kind of philosophically lesbian so is my mom but I don't want to be in a relationship with a woman I was gonna say I could see myself having a lesbian life partner yeah maybe I don't know in later on in my life when I finally get sick of men's bullshit yeah that's true but I don't I think that would be when my libido dips a little bit and it's sex isn't as important to me yeah and you can just share then mean you could just settle finally yeah and our um

astrologically compatible yeah I could make an honest woman out of you relationship um I don't know I mean also yeah I am with you I'm like I prefer to be sexually submissive in a relationship and I find in all of my encounters with women that I am the dominant one and have like a very kind of male objectifying gaze yeah toward women and I personally don't like that I don't like being the dominant or domineering one it's not like my favorite thing but that's like the natural role one assumes in relation and like kind of amorous relationships with women right because they're so

wishy-washy and don't know what they want someone's got to take charge yeah but I it's not gonna be me I personally hate taking charge or like no my small female brain isn't gonna I'm gonna making kind of social plans or like vacation itineraries stuff like that but yeah like what kind of fun low-precious stuff yeah I wouldn't want to like wine and dine somebody else yeah just to eat their pussy yeah that doesn't make any sense but I like constitutionally philosophically relate to like the Poglias and Sontags and even Jude butlers of the world like I get it yeah I definitely get it but not right now

yeah not today Satan not today's Satan next email a lot of line advice oh obsessed in Ontario it's the second to last one yeah I'm just like oh right hi girlies love the pod I've been with my man for a year and a half and we got engaged a couple months ago yay quarantine everything is great except for the fact that I'm obsessed with his ex lol he was still in love with her when we started dating so he'd mention her at times and I got hung up on checking her social media and comparing myself to her I even made a fake insta account to follow her and she accepted lol they had a

long history she's extremely rich and cool what's the girl to do how do I stop being obsessed with her their previous relationship and checking her Instagram I like forgot why I wanted to answer this question briefly this is like a very bog standard feminine no question but I think it's like this doesn't have anything to do with the relationship like she's distracting herself from the relationship by being obsessed with this person yeah her ex or who her fiance probably doesn't care about at this point but was still in love with when they started dating which is I could understand that being the

problem sure but it's a little weird to make a fake definitely on follow her yeah on Instagram and I think you have to do a little bit of behavior modification here and sort of not given to those impulses to stalk her and you will gradually find yourself thinking about her less yeah if you sort of just don't allow yourself to have that access yeah I I'm like very uncompromising about this because again I've said it before and I'll say it again you should never allow yourself to entertain or act on your jealousies toward other people which are natural and inevitable but should be fleeting you know it's like

Werner Herzog says like your disappointments in general should be fleeting you should deal with them swiftly and privately yeah and I I'm like totally in agreement with that not only for the sake of your own growth as a person but also because you never know what's going on in the other person's life and she looks rich and cool to you but that doesn't mean that she's not a human being with with her own you know adversities and challenges yeah whose life might not be so rich or so cool in reality right as the way she's presenting online yeah everybody presents you know much better than the

reality online I'm not saying people like high things or it's like really shitty but it's much more mundane on the day-to-day basis right and all of that it's just a hot spot for projection yeah you know and I think like this obsession now has taken on a life of its own like initially it was understandable that you'd be a little bit peeked or kg by the fact that this guy was in love with his ex but now I think it's become like a distraction from the relationship yeah and you'll end up self-sabotaging yeah classically yeah ask yourself like seriously I know this is crazy but ask

yourself do you want to be engaged to him yeah interesting that's a you know yeah and if you do then do your do both of you a favor and well then you owe it put it out of your mind babe yeah you owe it to him you owe it to her and you most of all you owe it to yourself to not be obsessed with this person mm-hmm was no bearing on your life maybe a frank conversation about her only fans you know about his previous relationship and your insecurities about it would be helpful you know maybe he would say something that would appease you yeah that would quell your anxieties okay we're nearing the end here hi girls

whenever I walk my dog people will literally stop me in the street to tell me they think my dog is beautiful I say thank you and wait for them to say more but they just smile and keep walking what about me I'm left wondering do you think it's rude to compliment the dog but not the owner for reference I'm 29 stacked thanks you sound super hot and you must have a really beautiful dog when they're complimenting their your dog they're actually complimenting you but being polite exactly when they say hey your Australian Shepherd has beautiful piercing blue eyes they're saying gorgeous supple breasts hey you must have a

really gorgeous unoffensive pussy yeah I would take I would take it in stride and assume that they're desperate for an excuse to talk to you they want to fuck both you and dog here's the last of the voice hi Josh a quick one I just bought like my first like fancy lube for my this girl that I've been seeing a lot for but like you know you get it my question is it's happy lube neoliberal I know you said we get it but I don't kind of for anal that must be what he means yeah yeah it is a little neoliberal because it's in the classic definition in that it's you know created a sort of

a market for for something unnecessary what's a fancy lube like a $12 or $19 like what price point are we talking I think skies the limit really but you know coconut oil will do yeah it's why did he buy this lube again to impress the girl for his girlfriend yeah but well he said you get it yeah I'm assuming means to but fuck her yeah that's cool bro and it's not neoliberal it's literally ancient yeah and what's this the joke the Greeks invented it but it took the Romans to introduce it to women the Italians yeah it's definitely a little neoliberal but it's a nice investment and I'm sure

she appreciates that it's fun to to spice things up with with products did you buy it on Amazon you class traitor he probably went to one of those primed sex positive show ups I think it's fine yeah but fucking your girlfriend of the fancy lube does not make you hate sounds like she's worth it yeah there is no ethical consumption but fucking late capitalism well that's that's the show thanks you guys happy Halloween yeah safe safe trick or treating out there yeah I look forward to seeing everyone's exciting COVID costumes yeah hope I hope some people dress up like us not gonna lie yeah I didn't even think of that

see you in house you don't jump yeah it's just the university chair chair the gas cake I forgot the fucking what's it oh yeah I'm taking Russian war at one I can't remember how to say how are you I can't however say thank you mom