Red Scare - Pride Loveline

Episode Date: June 19, 2026

The ladies answer your burning sex and love questions just in time for Pride Month.

We're back. We're back. I saw that in an extra, like, clocky, croaky voice. We're back. Well, it's pride. Yeah, happy pride. Happy Pride visibility month. We're doing a love line.

I guess we'll post it mid-pride. Uh-huh. Maybe I'll call it Pride Love Line because one of the hangups I have about these episodes is that it's very hard to title them. And I'm kind of. autistic when it comes to like titling and formatting. So it annoys me when something is like fall love line, summer love line, and there's just regular love line or Christmas love line.

Repetitive, yeah. Yeah, just that there's no parallel in the categories, which, you know, makes me spur out. Yeah. Well, that's what people pay for. That's the quality of the show. That's why it's so high is the attention to detail. Fucked up the last MP3 title.

It's okay. This one, you're going to. I get right. Yeah, but the last one was really perplexing because it was just, I guess, a string of numbers, which I don't even know how that happened. Because sometimes I title them a provisional name and then we come up with the title and I add it later. Whatever, unimportant.

There's not too many gay callers. Yeah. There's some, obviously, but. Well, everyone's gay now, so it doesn't matter. Where does pride go from here? Exactly. We're too proud. There's, yeah.

There's, you know, it was a lot. lot of the big trend with this crop of calls that I picked up on was a lot of situationships. No one's in a relationship. Everyone's like navigating situationships now. Which feels like it's crazy how new that term is. Right. Even though it describes ostensibly something that's always kind of existed. but I feel like naming it gave people this like normalized it.

Yeah, and amplified it. Yeah. And created like a self-reinforcing loop. It like sanctioned it as something. Because prior people were in what are now called situationships, but there was some like tension about that not being a sustainable state. Uh-huh. And though there still isn't now that there's like terminology around it,

I feel like people seem like they're like spinning their wheels more. Yeah. And they're like, well, we're in a situation. So we have expectations that we can't voice and don't know how to move forward. Everyone seems like really stunted. It's tough out there. Yeah. It's real tough out there.

I saw a tweet that said essentially that situation ships are a new name for when women are dating out of their league with a guy who doesn't want to commit because he doesn't like them that much. I think there's truth to that, but I think it's two-sided. I think women in general are probably more committal. Right. Well, women, yeah, they want a label. What are we?

Yeah. Which is fair. Is this a podcast? It's fair. It is fair. But yeah, it seems like there's just a lot of like alienation and mistrust and the gender wars wage on. Yeah. I mean, look, I've been in a number of long-term monogamous relationships throughout my adult life that were loving and committed.

Yeah. But it's still not the same thing as like being married and then having kids. Sure. And then you get locked in this dynamic where you're, you know, in it five, seven years. You have a fur baby. You're helping each other with your careers. Your roommates. Yeah.

Yeah. And then God forbid you stop having sex. And then it's another year of like conscious decoupling. Yeah, I haven't been in too many situationships myself. Same. because they are different from like casual sex. It's sort of like when you have casual sex with someone enough that they, exclusively,

that they owe you something more, but you are too afraid to ask them for it. Yeah. And that's what it comes down to because I think people of both sex is probably more women than men, but still it's again a bipartisan problem. Yeah. or just like understandably terrified of the rejection and disappointment that comes with putting

yourself out there and having expectations and standards. And a situation chip is functionally, if it goes on long enough, which they seem to, is still, is basically functionally still a relationship. Like I guess they can ghost you. Right. Which would be incredibly cruel. Yeah, at that point, sure. I mean, how many of these situationships are, like, I would bet the vast majority of them are more or less exclusive or at least one-sidedly monogamous, right?

Yeah. Versus like casual sex and dating type scenarios where you're seeing multiple people. I think it. Which is where the tension comes in. It depends probably, but they're definitely like non-committal in a real way. And it's really sad because I think it comes. comes down to one or both parties just like not liking each other enough to commit. Yeah.

Because you know when you get into a relationship, it happens really quickly, like, in the span of a couple of days or weeks. Well, I think also not to sound like a total boomer, but the apps, you know, have a lot to do with it because you're able to, like, connect with people that you would never meet organically that aren't really, like, in your life in a real meaningful way. So then, like, you know, people couldn't do that. You couldn't just kind of like have sex with someone that like no one knew. Yeah, yes.

But there's like a new layer where it's not just cheating, right? You're also presumptively cheating. Like, I don't know how to articulate it, but. Well, it's not really cheating if it's a situation, Shave. That's true. But you're not just stepping out with other people. You are also like, there's a hypothetical potential for you to step out with other people. But isn't there always?

Sure, yeah. You know? But just in the situation, it's like you have less right to be hurt. But of course, that's not how being hurt works. Right. And then I think part of the reason people are so noncommittal is because when they are like locked in these dynamics with randos, maybe, one or the other party or both have kind of like low self-worth.

And so they they then hold their situation ship partner in low esteem as well. Yeah. So they don't want to commit to them because what kind of loser would want to be with someone like that. As Artemis sings, how could you love somebody like me? So true. Yeah, that was one of my favorite lines from TLP when he was describing narcissism. And he said, it's not like you can't trick someone. somebody you can. It's quite easy. You can do it for a number of years. They might never even know you.

It's that when you do successfully trick somebody into dating you, you're like, hey, wait a minute. You're an idiot. Yeah, you're either like a dupe or you're a pathological liar and a cynic who's gaming me. Projection. Yeah. And well, I think the other central problem is like as you point out, now you have unprecedented access to dating and sleeping with people from different walks of life who you wouldn't normally encounter. Yeah. And this was all accounted for back in the day because at worst, some guy would knock you up and you would have a shotgun wedding.

And that was that. Kind of like my parents. Which is why you suppose that they weren't married. But now there's like no guardrails, control so you can just like indefinitely be cycling through situationships and suffering heartbreak over and over again in a way that we're just not meant to do as humans because it does like and there's no real like chip away at your soul exactly and there's no like social incentive or social repercussions even because it's like even you know post sexual revolution pre apps you know

where you would go kind of to a bar. Maybe you would go to the same bar as you had kind of a friend group. Maybe you'd have sex with someone an acquaintance or like, but there was more, there was less of a chance that this person was just going to like fuck you over or like vanish from your life. Yeah, because there was like community pressure. Yeah,

you were still, even in a bigger city like in some way, it was more provincial. And even if it wasn't direct to the point that your mutual friends were pressuring them to commit, it was indirect because, you would have to see the same mutual friends. Exactly. It wasn't so easy.

It would just be like, oh, I met you on an app and like, you'll never see me again. Yeah. This dovetails with that article you sent me about the new class of influencers who are branding loneliness. Their brand is selling loneliness. Yeah. Have you seen these? No, I haven't. I had no idea this existed, but it's not surprising.

and I can totally imagine what it looks like. They're bleak. Yeah. So it's like people going on solo dates or documenting themselves staying in and doing self-care. A lot of it's like a day in my life as a 28-year-old single working girl. Single working girl with no friends. And they're like obviously some of them are sadder than others. One of them, there's like a cut article about it.

But it's things that I've seen on my feed. And it'd be like, you know, sometimes it'd be like that. You've watched these. I've seen, yeah, yeah. There's one called Drama Free Diaries. That's this, like, older woman. And I watched a reel of hers recently about how she was, like, going out for the first time in a while. And she was, like, anxious and shaking.

And, like, her eyes are welling up with tears. It was very, like, and if she was, like, cutting the H&M. of a new outfit she bought. It was like, her stuff's really sad. Yeah, and it turns out that there's like a huge market, not just for envy, but for pity,

which is just the other side of the coin. Because they say like, you know, traditionally influencers are in the business of selling themselves, but through selling other objects of desire, like Michelin Meal or Birkenbeg or vacation to Bali, which,

I was like, ain't nobody want any of those things unless you're black or Russian. Nobody's like fiending for a burkin bag. I'd take one, but, you know. For free. Yeah. But now, so, yeah, they're basically selling like the dark side of human nature or whatever, which is like their singledom childlessness, loneliness, friendlessness, whatever. And that makes sense. Just like people on the whole are more lonely because there's no community or family.

People aren't having kids. People are working remotely. Whenever that old argument debate resurfaces now about TFR, there's always people. Yeah, the fertility rate where, you know, there's always people, and I'm like sympathetic to these people. I'm one of these people myself who are like, well, I don't give a shit if other people do or don't have kids. It's none of my business. But it does have just like a ripple effect and wider repercussions for society at large. Well, yeah, no one is going to have a cousin anymore.

We talk about this. that are not like merely material and economic in nature. They're also like, social. Psychic and social. Yeah, yeah. Well, speaking of lonely people, should we... Yeah, we can get into it.

But like, the last thing I'll say about that is like just the, you, if you're like a lonely, single, friendless, childless person, and you stumble upon the fact that there are actually social and financial incentives to becoming a loneliness influencer. That's a very powerful formula because through that on the, you know, best case scenario, you can actually find friends and community and perhaps a loving partner. And hawk some infrared yoga mats.

Yeah. Things go well. Blue light glasses. But also less charitably, all of the incentives point to staying in that mode, that equilibrium, because you have all of the perks of having, like, friends and a community and sexual attention with none of the demands or the responsibilities. I mean, a lot of these lonely, so-called loneliness influencers aren't very sexy. Yeah, I believe that. And also, I'm sure some of them are just exaggerating their claims for clout.

Maybe. I mean, I think it's less about, like, pity farming and more about a show. shift from like aspirational content to relatable content. Yeah. Which is bad in and of itself. Yeah. Like there's definitely more money to be made in like the wellness space, you know, or like. The unwellness space.

Yeah. Like I think it might be harder to get a brand sponsorship for most people aspiring to like make loneliness their thing. Uh-huh. But I mean, I water hearts. lonely I really want to be your friend. I've been butt chugging old clips of kids in the hall.

Sarcastic guy. It's so good. I love that one. I love Dave Foley so much. He's the best guy ever. Yeah. One of the few guys we both find very attractive and a male blonde, which is unusual for us both. Yeah.

And like kind of effeminate and androgynous looking. So cute. But he was so beautiful when he was young. He and Pee We Herman. I love when he plays the teenager. and he wears the Smith's shirt, that was like, I remember, because I watched kids in the hall as a teenager, and I remember being like, that's the dreamiest guy I've ever seen. Well, and you know he, he had a pretty, like, troubled life. He had a traumatic divorce. Yeah. And the woman sued him to the

ground, took everything, took his bag, and I guess she got him at the height of his earning power when he was doing the kids in the hall, talk radio, whatever. Um, fun fact, he was a coaster of the young Joe Rogan. I know. Yep. And, Yeah, he was in a great movie, too, called The Wrong Guy, where he gets, like, framed for a crime. That's a very, like, zany comedy that he's quite good and that was also in that era. And, yeah, some bitch. Uh-huh. Oh.

Took him for all he was worth. And I think he successfully countersued by rightfully claiming that he was no longer earning that much money. So I think his, like, alimony payments to her were, like, his entire paycheck. Was he able to? Yeah. get some of his funds back yeah did i ever tell the story how i ran into him no uh the in the bathroom line at like matt stone's house oh my god i think i was there but i forgot and yeah there was some guy standing in front of me in the bathroom line and he turned around i was just like paralyzed

and starstruck was like oh my god dave foley and i must have been so like bubbly and enthusiastic because i was legitimately like shaking of course i'd be starstruck um and he like to took pity on me and let me go first. Oh, because he wanted to get away from me. Yeah. When we did that shoot with Hagee years ago, where she made us wear those like wigs and prostitute costumes, straight out of kids in the hall.

I know. Jocelyn, the French-Canadian whore. They're also great. Yeah. Especially Scott, happy pride. Underrated kids. I remember I think he's often not in people's like power ranking. Uh-huh.

But he's very, he's, he's fantastic. It's just crazy how he could, he could play straight and gay. I know, and a woman. Yeah. Comedy is so much funnier when you just, the, the troop is just men and the men, like, cross-dress as women. It's always funny. It instantly makes it funnier because it's so absurd to see men and wigs and dresses.

And, I mean, some like it hot. Yeah. And then, like, old-timey movies, even, like, I was watching, like, the Philadelphia story. I think it's called. Not the AIDS but the Catherine Hepburn one. And just like way there's just like more violence against women

is also really funny. You know? Like when it's played for laughs. Yeah. You're like, he punched that woman in the face. Somebody said during the spanking your kids discourse that this was safe edgy

because there is so many unslapped woman. It's easy. to beat your kids, but do you have the courage to beat your wife? So true. Some guys have it in them. Yep. To do both. Shall we roll that beautiful bean footage?

Fuck. Hey, Dostra and Nana, long-time listener of the pod. And that's kind of why I'm calling. I've been listening long enough that I think I've had like two and a half relationships over the point of listening to this show. and what's no worthy is that whether it's a BPDR Co or a tradcast capitalist, they absolutely cannot stand you when I listen. And I wonder, should two Redskirts fans ever even get together,

or is that the whole point that they don't get it and they don't like it? It's the vocal fry, but thanks. moment. Maybe the audio quality is a little bad. Maybe slot them in. Yeah, I can try. It's a little, I know it's more work. Yep.

That's okay. I have a lot of free time. Well, I don't think it's the vocal fry. Yeah. I think, and we've discussed this before, but obviously, women don't like when you listen to other women, probably more than if you look at other women. So it makes sense.

Their response seems healthy. They kind of accept that you're low-key ogling other women as most men always do. It's an occupational hazard of being a hetero, but... But listening to their thoughts? I don't know. Being persuaded by their opinions, laughing at their jokes. Is she funnier than me? But, you know, you're kind of like,

damned if you do, damned if you don't with women, because I'm guessing these girls are also Red Scare fans. Well, no, he's saying they're not. Oh, they're not. That everyone he dates is not a Red Scare fan. Okay. Despite being, you know, from all walks of based life. And he's saying, do we think, I'd wager that if you did date a girl that liked Red Scare, she probably would come to resent. Yeah, she would come to hate us.

Yeah. So I think, I don't think sustainably you both could like, maybe she could author an opinion piece about how she turned her back on the podcast. There's a dual part. There's two voicemails at the end that will play in tandem that kind of speak to this that I thought were cute and maybe are just like coordinated and I'm a total mark. But they both, whatever you'll see. I love when that happens. I mean, my advice to this guy is like, have you ever tried not like. listening to the podcast in front of your girlfriend. Yeah, I don't know why. Maybe keep it on the low. It can be between. Don't rub it in.

Hey, man, it can be between us. Keep it between your friend, Zana and Dasha. You don't got to let that bitch know. And then you could, that's cheating. If she doesn't have to hear it, then you could, like, probably maybe impress her with, like, knowledge you glean about Brandy Melville or, like, any of, like, the women's interest.

things that we discuss. And you could like metabolize it and make your girlfriend think that you're more like in tune and advanced. You can sigh up her into losing weight. If a tree listens to a podcast in the forest

does it drivel up and die? Yeah, this doesn't seem like such a hard problem. It's a pretty easy fix. You just don't broadcast or publicize or fandom. Play Rogan for your girlfriend like everyone else does. Yeah.

And then she'll just like kind of check out. Yeah. Look out the window while you drive her somewhere. Hey babe, did you see that Eric Weinstein was on Rogan again? They're discussing the theory of everything. Next. Hey ladies. Genetically modified Stacy here.

Since you're both all over my Pinterest scores, I figured I'd ask what the vibe is for summer 2026. What are you guys wearing? What have you been buying on thread up? And what are you reading this summer? Love you. That's a great question because I wanted to ask you about your fit because you look so cute. Thank you.

Yeah. I've been dying to find a pair of low-rise boot cut chinos. Where are those from? I can't find a pair. I got them on eBay. They're Abercrombian fetch. But I kind of need a belt. They stretch out really fast.

Yeah. Yeah, because they're 100% cotton. That's what I figured. Everybody tells me to like go on eBay or Deepop or Threat Up and just like keyword J. Crew or Abercrombie. But it's hard. I bought, I've had a lot of flops with the Lorice Chinoes and these are a real keeper. And then I got these recently.

Those are really cute. They're like brown contrast stitch tassel mules with some, I guess, metallic detailing. Yeah. Also an eBay. Backless purchase. These are, I'm going to Spain this summer. So I got these for, it's going to be very hot. Yeah.

So I'm leaning into kind of like a slob, slacker. But like linen, smart. Yeah. The sexy Lobowski. Who makes those shoes? These are cold. Oh, nice. But they're like, they're all beat up.

I wore them walking around today and they were not. I was like, these aren't really walking around New York. shoes. Because your feet get dirty like that AI generated photo of Jennifer Lopez in the 90s or she has black souls. They just brought

like they're more for like chilling at the hacienda than like really tracking around a lot. Getting raped at the hostel. Yeah, what are we doing? I guess we're wearing a lot of khaki and low rise. Camo, good camo hall at Brandy.

I'm doing the head-to-to-to-randy Melville real tree with some camel dance goes. Yeah, I'm going to keep wearing dance goes for sure, thinking about getting a new pair. You know what really annoyed me? I got a bunch of those Warris-Hawfer sandals that you put me on to that are really nice and lightweight and walkable. Yeah, they're super cute. got a new batch to replace the old ones and the quality is so much worse dude they feel like plastic yeah it sucks and the sizing is all janky because they like on on amazon yeah hate to hear that yeah end of an era because they stretch out but they're a very cute silhouette they're very comfortable

but they do kind of you do have to switch them out but that's a summer staple always I need a summer sandal. That's more formal. I need like a slight heel. Yeah. Mini wedge, something. Yeah. I don't know.

It's hard. I've been trying to find. Mary of a nice year's a day. Yeah. Kind of a good sandal. Yeah, but they, they release them in a very irregular schedule and you have to kind of scour the internet for them.

Yeah. Because she gave up her storefront. Oh, damn. Yep. times are tough so that sucks um i've been if anybody has any tips i've also been looking for like a cute knee high brown boot with a tiny heel that's not chunky tough and that's pull on i don't like lip full randall or whatever you put me on to oh yeah that's where i got my pull-ons but they're a little pointy they're not square toe and i sold them oh i just want round toe like an almond toe that's so hard

to find because everything is so stylized. Yeah, it's either like pointy or square. They're not pointy, pointy, but they're, I know what you mean, yeah. And I wore them a couple of times in the winter and then it was like, I don't need to. Yeah, they weren't sparking joy. They weren't sparking joy. Yeah, it's rough. Now I'll make $17 on the real. I know. I saw a bunch of those when I was scouring the real, real. They're really cheap now. You can get them for pennies, but it sucks. Uh, what do you read? reading. There's so much. The cut articles.

No, I'd like to maybe get a nice, you know, read a big long novel. It'll take me a while, you know, that I can, like a summer read. Annihilation by Welbeck. Maybe Welbeck is a good Euro vibe. Yeah, I'm rereading now. I'm just going to go down the catalog. keep reading the same books.

Over and over again. That way you don't get new thoughts. No, you do. You get new thoughts from rereading. Yeah. Rereating a book is like having sex. It's a slightly new experience every time. Yeah.

More to glean. Even if it's the same thing. I've been reading like, I went and saw death of a salesman on Broadway with Nathan Lane. and so I was reading because Alia Kazan directed the first staging of that so I was reading the book that he wrote of that also has like notes of his

about directing and then I'm reading like Tarkovsky's diaries which I've like read before but not systematically and then like Cassavetes on Cassavetes Sinophile reads yeah that's what I you know

that's kind of what I like but I need to refine my travel stack Oh I'm going to start reading Frannie and Zoe again That's nice classic Yeah because I think about it a lot It's really like stuck with me Much like Catcher in the Rye So maybe I'll have a salinger summer

In my loafer slip-ons Serotonin summer Um Okay So my situation ship is 36 and I'm 35. This is humiliating. I really want a baby. He said he's not ready to commit because his life is like true crating things of film

program, I guess. And he has some secret humor reveal to me to show me his up immediately. There's something really pure and almost holy about him by the way. Thanks. Bye. Pure and holy. He sounds like a BPD monster. Interesting choice of words.

Yeah. He's gay. You're projecting qualities onto someone you don't really know, probably. He's a film programmer. Who's keeping a secret. Whose life is so chaotic because of all the film programming that's so popular these days. Hey, babe, can't have procreative sex tonight. I'm going to Metrograph.

I mean, I can't tell you to leave him immediately, but I'd start looking for other options, maybe. Yeah, you know, as you wisely pointed out, it is a situation ship, so you're not exclusive technically, even though spiritually you may feel that way. It does seem to be the case that men are, I guess, in New York probably, more so than in other places because of the disparity in men and women, that men are more non-committal. Yeah, there's no incentives really for them. And they don't have a biological clock. Like you do so. Well, they think they don't.

Right. Yeah. I mean, they kind of technically don't. There's as much longer than yours. So you have two options. Baby trap or cheat. Maybe do both. Cheat and trapping with someone else's baby to teach him a lesson.

Here's what your baby would look like if he was black or Chinese. Yeah. I'd really evaluate what you're getting out of this. and like take stock of, you know, what you deserve. It's so hard, though. I know. I mean, you said on the last episode, it was a very good point, that oftentimes you'll have female friends who meet a new guy

and start having sex with them. And they'll be like, he's so pure and holy. He's the first guy who ever made me come. And then you're like, no, babe. Bitch, you said that before about the last guy. Yeah. So it's hard when you think you really, like somebody to like zoom out and put things in perspective and be like wait a second this guy actually

sucks and he's taking me for a ride yeah uh so i would reevaluate definitely sounds like she knows yeah and you know the the ball's in your court and like there's i i really see no downside to dipping out of a situation ship course because if it was meant to be something more it would have been already. It's not like because he's like shy or afraid. Well he's got a dark secret. Yeah. He has a micro penis. I feel like the sex has implied with the situation ship because it's the only thing tethering you to someone. Yeah. There's like talking stage, which is also a new term for like maybe dating someone. And then the situation ship is when you're. talking stages when you're talking forever indefinitely. Not maybe indefinitely, but yeah, it's early

on and you're texting a lot. I mean, my thing with is like the sex can't be that good if neither of you are committing. Women are really, you know, their standards are, I know everyone thinks women are that's so nice about us. Yeah. They're actually, what, what is hypergamy? I've been seeing that word a lot. It's when you try to date to like a crew. capital of all kinds. You try and date someone that is the best kind of you can do materially. This is another one of those things. Like being objectified that is a wish expressed as an anxiety,

but this time on the part of men, because they have this very cynical perspective that women are evil, deceitful horrors who only date men. for like clout and capital and that's actually not true some I mean that's what like that's part of like clavicular's thesis and what he's like finding to be true in his field research but like those whores are you know hoars they're yeah but a lot of women are horrors that's true I mean it's sure I'm sure such women exist and I'm sure they're more highly like tightly concentrated on the hosts.

But I don't know a single woman who dates in a hypergamous manner. Women put on a big show. They make all sorts of displays. I know some. Sure. But like, you know, they say things that are like cruel and hostile and dismissive because they're also like hurting inside and feel rejected and traumatized. Or they feel like preemptively disappointed.

trying to get ahead of it. Or I guess the women I do know that are, quote, hypergamous are kind of precarious and downbed materially. So they're like dating in like a survivalist mode. But women who have kind of any resources, I feel like are willing to date,

especially when they're younger, but like a bohemian loser. Yeah. With almost nothing to offer. Like that chick With a dark secret Bohemian bisexual poet film bro Yeah

Yeah those I guess those are two options I would just say like cut the chord Because like That seems like the game theoretically optimal solution Because either he's gonna realize What he's missing And that he fumbled and come crawling back Or he's just gonna forget

you and then it'll be like patently clear that you weren't supposed to be together in the first place. I bet on the ladder, but yeah. Good luck. Me too. But like if you want a baby, you don't realistically like do not have as much time as you think and need to keep your options open. I don't mean to spook her because she does have some time.

But just saying. Hi, gosh, and Anna. So I got a new boyfriend. And, you know, it's. great he agrees with him on like everything politically it's so nice he's so sweet and caring and handsome but there's one issue so i'm 19 and he's 33 and i told my family that he's like 25 and my whole family thinks he's 25 so i really don't really don't know what to do. And I really need some advice because I'm kind of screwed. Because at some point

they're going to have to meet. And they all think he's 25. Please, please help me. Oh, my God. So passionate and dramatic. What do you think that person is? That's kind of what? Does your family are you're trans? That's kind of why I was like, is it a gay guy? Is it a tranny? Is it a really weird woman. Yeah. Who's like a witch or something? Like what? 19 years old, but what is going on?

I don't know. I mean, just based on your voice alone, I think your family would probably be okay with whoever you bring home. They're just happy you found someone, babe. Okay, if it's a gay guy, I don't think they'll care. They're going to care. And if you're a, If it's a straight girl.

Cis woman somehow. They'll have to come around. 25 and 33 is not that much of a huge difference. 19 is pretty young by contemporary mores, I guess, to be with a man in your 30s. Can you even consent?

I mean, I, you know, dated men in their 30s when I was a man who was 30 when I was 19 and my parents were, you know, liked them. Oh, they were Russians. I don't think it's so scandalous. They're like, Dasha, you need to be practicing hypergamy at all times.

What's wrong with you? Why are you dating bisexual poet? Okay, this is not a serious or concerning age gap at all. No, you shouldn't have lied to your family. That seems like the big issue currently. And maybe you can just come clean. They're probably judging again by the sound of your voice. they're probably used to you being a weird liar.

So maybe they won't be so shocked. And you should fess up about that time that you stole pills from your dad. It's also like they didn't say how new of a boyfriend, but he might not even meet your family. Let's be real. The thing that raised the most alarm bells for me, the big red flag, was not the voice. it was how she, he, um, was so over the top with the compliments about what a handsome and

wonderful and sweet guy. Mm. The boyfriend was, which makes me think there's probably some underlying lingering doubt that has nothing to do with the fear of like hard launching your relationship with your family. Or it's like brand, brand new. Yeah. In which case, you don't have to even tell them about it yet. I guess they already have.

I don't I don't tell my mom about my boyfriends until I'm like nine months pregnant. Hey mom, I found someone and you're going to be a grandma. Guess what? I'm yeah, he probably won't even meet your family. And I think if he does, you can just say,

look, I lied. Yeah, my bad. And he's a little, They're probably going to be disappointed by something. It doesn't have to be his age. He's a little older.

Yeah. But whatever. Okay. Yeah. Hi, ladies. I hope you're having a very missed day. I just have a quick question for Dasha. Why do you love Michael Jackson?

I know why I love Michael Jackson. And I'm very curious why you seem to have a hyper fixation on him. Because I currently do as well. And I'm curious. because she's the man in the mirror baby oh well a lot of people i think due to the michael movie have developed there's a lot of content that i see about people's hyper fixations on michael jackson that to me is obviously uh connected to the film but also kind of downstream like many things of Epstein stuff that like this like redemptive narrative that people are telling themselves about

Michael Jackson is like zoomers because he's so like special and unprecedented and unlike anything like people have been like have access to now yeah and like cryptic and mysterious yeah but same like they want he like has he like had to kind of rise in prominence as like a ballast to this like dark pedophilic cabal fixation. Right. Do you perhaps

relate to him as somebody who was historically misunderstood? Of course. No, definitely. Yeah, completely. Yeah. My dad also told me there were winners and losers, you know, and I'm a performer

of great talent who's abused. But in just the whole, obviously he's a, I wouldn't say, have a hyper fixation. Yeah. I'd say like he's clearly like a very compelling,

uh, morbid, beautiful, like, ever, tragic. He's like, he's fantastic. I thought you were going to say trad. Yeah. But he is kind of trad because he'll, he was like on that interview with what's his name? Bashir. Oh, that guy.

That snake. I really just want a baby. And his like tiny molested voice. I know. What's wrong with that? I just want to be. He's like everything. He's the guy.

He's the, he is like the mirror of America. He's like every person in one. He's like, he's been black. He's been white. He's been a man. He's been a woman. He's been straight.

He's been gay. He's been a pedophile. So good. And he is. I've also, yeah, I've been watching like weird like black guy. who are into like sacred geometry talking about how he was like channeling like angelic frequency and that's why the system had to like you know like the conspiracies that are like proliferating

around Michael but in this very innocent way are also very interesting he is beautiful as you say he's an angel um he was archangel Michael he was but he was like physically beautiful at some point and then he became physically grotesque but the most beautiful people are that. Like I was thinking about who I find like truly beautiful. Yeah. Um, like, among celebs. I don't mean like physically beautiful or like, like transcendently extremely sexy. Yeah. And it's literally the ugliest guys. It's Michelle Welbeck, Lil Wayne, Miles Davis, uh, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson, Pee Wee Herman, because there's something so like tender and tragic about them. Yeah. And there's so much ugliness in the world.

so much pain and I think yeah something about Michael's just very resonant currently and yeah the frequency that he's was able to beam out into the world and

there was like another discourse about whether men or women are more beautiful like in the final analysis and we can quibble over that forever like I'm going women I say men but we have like essentially like,

I would say on average women are more beautiful than men. Like, you know, like I was uptown the other day. The average woman is more beautiful than the average man. Yeah. Best looking men are more, are the, they like no,

even extremely 11 out of 10 beautiful woman even compares to the sight of a beautiful man because I'm such a gay guy. Like I just like gasp at the male physique. And the female physique, no matter how like perfect and slim it is, it has all these like secondary sex characteristics

that like Schopenhauer would bulk at. And like in the, to me at the end of the day, like men and women are pretty much equivalently beautiful and they diverge at the extremities, right? Yeah. But one reason that in my mind, men are like kind of have the edge

and are slightly more beautiful than women is because men are just, more capable of being extremely ugly. Well, so are women, I guess. No? Yeah, but there's no, no, well, Beckian woman who's like a total sin eater. Like, there are women throughout time that are, like, considered extremely unattractive, like, Andrea Dwarken or Sandra Bernhard or something, but they're still...

Sandra Burrne. I don't know. People used to always dog on her for being, like, an ugly Jewish. She's got, like, a interesting face, I'd say. I think she's really sexy. Yeah, I wouldn't call her ugly either, but, you know, people that are considered. But yeah, women, it's like, you know, why, why has there been no female moats? Because there's been no female Jack the Ripper.

But there's never been a woman as ugly as the ugliest man. For me, Letitia Costa. I agree with you. I mean, she's, that's another person that we totally agree on. I can't think of a man that looks better than her. And she's not even a waif, which is my typical preference. Yeah. You know, but I see her.

I'm like overcome with. Well, that's so true. No, I think we agree on Letitia Costa and people are always like accusing me of Sailor's Lawing and prefering my type. And I actually don't prefer my type. I prefer girls who look like Letitia Costa. That's like my pinnacle of female beauty. She's incredible.

Like tanned and tawny and honey colored. With the big tits. Yeah. And I think it's like not surprising. It's like totally in line that like straight heterosexual women would probably on average say that women are more beautiful than men, even though they obviously prefer having sex with and coupling with. men because like again the nature of female eroticism is being attracted to the image of the woman

and that's also the nature of male eroticism so everyone like the only people who agree with me are gay guys yeah yeah and i'm such a like because i hate women sapiosexual yeah you know yeah yeah that i've never really been like i've never really seen like a man's body and been like overcome. Oh, I am all the time. Like, I don't care about, like, with a V-Line. None of that's ever done anything for me. A male ass couldn't be less interesting to me.

Well, most of them are deplorable. But even, like, a guy with a great ass, it's, like, embarrassed. I like, makes me, like, I don't care. I'd rather look at a woman. Yeah, I understand. I think maybe I'd rather look at a woman on, like, and, yeah. My husband's very beautiful, you know. Yeah, but sometimes you see a man, he looks like,

The Riachi bronze is like they just pulled them out of like the EGNC or something. You're just like, doesn't never, never encountered one. And also like it's like the Dave Foley Convo. There was something just so and ravenous and fawn like about his beauty. But his body. I know,

I know, I know. I'm not making the case that Dave Foley is the most beautiful man who's ever lived. He's not like an adonis. He has like a great face and a great character and he's so funny. it's you know um but yeah maybe i'm more like sapphic in that way but it's a very it's a classic like aristotelian idea that men are like perfect and that women cannot can never achieve like a platonic ideal of beauty because they're always they're like a malformed version of a man they're all

derivative of yeah so they'll never be and because they like their bodies change and they menstruate and get pregnant and men's bodies are like impermeable and smooth and hard and stuff that that's more like formally beautiful. Yeah. There are just a lot of men who are very beautiful when they're old even. There's women who I think are beautiful and they are old too. But yeah, most women who are like hot, I wouldn't even say are like beautiful. They're kind of like vulgar.

Yeah, but I would say that for most people in general, male or female. I think clavicular is really beautiful. beautiful, but I'm not attracted to him. Well, that's the other thing. And I don't. And I don't. Very often when you can acknowledge somebody is extremely beautiful, you don't find them, like, erotically appealing, sexually attractive. Because they're kind of like a perfect platonic ideal.

Yeah. And you don't want to fuck them. No. Sorry to be. I mean, Leticia Costa. She is amazing. Well, she also looks like a statue. She does.

She's statues. She does. She does. She does. She does. know she's as much as I love Kate Moss I think Latisha even more Kate Moss is very hot and sexy because she's kind of like we've had this convoy before if you really scrap her for parts like she's kind of a pub wench well at her peak I think it's her beauty was very youthful

yeah and she never really became like I mean she's obviously still beautiful but like Letitia Costa's like a beautiful woman. Yeah. Whereas Kate Moss was like an ethereal like girl. Young girl, yes, you know. But love her to death next. Hi ladies. I'm on my breakup work.

Um, my, I have problems, but just maybe I wanted to gather some insight. My husband asked his cigarette on my face during an argument. The problem is not, he thinks that I, he's like a sociocast, when we'll start to argue. I think that I shut down when I'm being insulted. But he becomes violent. Am I a unique victim of a terrible crime or are we both two people with many things to work on? I wonder. you know, do you have the answer?

Thanks. Bye. Um. Interesting. I'm like gonna cry. What? I mean, it sounds extreme, certainly.

Uh-huh. But intimacy often is. And it sounds like a very inverted gender dynamic. Mm-hmm. Like often men become like stoic and shut. down in conflict and women become kind of like not necessarily violent but emotionally violent escalate you know yeah um and in her case it seems yeah that he's driven to like new heights of sadism i mean he didn't put the sigout on her face i know but dashing cigarette on your wife's face is pretty

bad it's great i don't even know how you would yeah it's just like dramatic and performative and unhinged. But it sounds like she has some clarity about them both being complicit in whatever cycle they found themselves in. Well, it sounds like he has a tendency to be a sadist. And a sadist always needs a masochist. And it sounds like probably her shutting down and becoming a victim activates that urge in him. Well, I don't know if, I guess when she says shutdown, I don't know if she's like cowering or if she's, like, cowering. Or if she's, just kind of stonewalling. Gray rocking.

You know? Yeah, it's hard to say. Like maybe she's not. It sounds, she sounds resilient. I mean, this is one of those things where I kind of wish she was a live caller because we could glean more information from her. Well, where I'm working on how to create some infrastructure for us to take live calls where we don't just get like mobbed with like griper.

Or like we had a voice And that was like Fuck you bitches And are your The hand you've You have blood on your hands And our palenteer government And I was like

Bitch shut up Why are you calling me? So we're already got some kinks But stay tuned for more But maybe she could call back in We could We could discuss I don't even know what to say to this

Like what do you do in this situation Um she's obviously not going to leave his ass I don't think she should you know I think if he put a cigarette out on her face then she that would be caused but like more the like kind of just like symbolic degrading acts

that he feels driven to I think the fact that she is cognizant of the fact that she has her own shortcomings that's a start means that like if he's I don't know where he's at but if he could get to a similar place maybe they could have some understanding. I wonder what the fight was about.

I know he was smoking a cigarette. It seems crazy to smoke a cigarette while you're fighting, kind of. Does it? Because it's so relaxing. They're JFK and Carolyn Bissette maxing. I've never like, yeah, maybe not never, but like angrily smoking a cigarette and arguing with someone. Like you'd have, like, I guess the only,

it forces you to take these like pauses. Yeah. Yeah, it makes you more introspective, which is probably why I do it during the podcast. Yeah. Yeah, you're either doing it because you're stressed or because you're relaxing, not because you're in the heat of an argument.

That's, this is true. Yeah, to be like inhaling, exhaling rather than just like shouting. But I take it he's never hit her because she would have probably mentioned that. She says he has a tendency to get violent, but I think she would have mentioned, yeah, if she had been, subject to more violence than the ash.

He's a keeper. He sounds hot. And where do you work? Sounds like there's like fan. I really, yeah, I picture her in some kind of like factory. He's like a chud with a tribal tattoo. Yeah. They probably have a good sex life.

Maybe. I hope so. I mean, if you have that going for you? If he's ashing a cigarette in your face, I hope he's laying the pipe. Well sad. Hello. There's a question about if you want to have a baby and you're like getting older and you don't have a partner and like is it better to just have a baby with a random person and try to make it work rather than wait for the perfect father type to show up and, uh, Yeah. Better to wait and have faith or to plan to do it alone and manage if you really want to not miss your chance in mid to wait buddies. What do you think? Well, this was some, there was some discourse I saw from the, I guess it was the fluffer who got Comed in at the Ayala gang bay.

Oh, yeah. She was sounding off about how you really. And she was saying how you have to really prioritize these procreative relationships. You have to go to an orgy. She was kind of like making this very like it had like the plausible deniability of being like just like telling the truth and being helpful. But it was this really kind of like brutal black pill. It didn't wasn't actually like edifying it anyway. It's like her humble bragging while blackfilling.

Yeah. I will say. that there's nobody random that you have a baby with. Whoever you have a baby with is the father of your your child. I mean I guess short of like going

to a sperm bank and literally like rolling the dice but anyone that you feel compelled to have sex with for that aim like there's a reason that happened and maybe it doesn't work out but like no one's random.

Right. Is really, I guess. Yeah, I don't really know. And no one's perfect either. Yep. So if you want to have a baby, you have a baby with someone that you want to have sex with who doesn't, I guess, seem completely unstable. I mean, in an ideal world, you would have a baby with a person that you feel deeply

compatible and sexually compelled by. And by the way, that has no guarantee of working out. people break up, get divorced all the time, and you will have the baby, and you probably won't ever regret it. But that's not a path that I would advocate following, though it's going to become a more common path. But what's the alternative? Like, waiting for someone perfect also is not like I can't. But is this even really a question? Because it's not like, you know, presumably it's not like she's waiting.

She's probably out on the dating market, meeting guys and having. sex, right? Yeah. But. So, like, you know, anything could happen. I guess she's talking about the trap. Uh-huh. Should she lay the trap for someone that's...

Well, no, you should never do that. Because that's going to end horribly. Maybe not. I mean, it could, yeah, it could also be like the plot of a rom-com, whatever. I mean, I did. Knocked up. That's what that movie's about. That's the one with the girl who became a guy.

No, that's Juno. Fuck. Knocked up's the Seth Rogan, Catherine Hegel comedy where they have a one-night stand and get pregnant and make it work. Okay. That happens.

So, I don't know. Judd Apatow's... I mean, what happens if you have a one-night stand and you get knocked up and then you tell the guy and he's like, fuck! And it's like, I'll pay for your abortion, whatever it takes.

Like, you have to be careful, cautious in these minutes. And what? I don't know. I guess that's what she's asking is like, can I just get knocked up by someone that doesn't want a baby? I mean, it depends on how badly you want the baby and what you're willing to sacrifice, right?

It sounds like she's willing to sacrifice a father. Huh. For the sperm donor. But like, I'd say, well, that wouldn't be my first line of action, yeah. Yeah. But if she doesn't have that much time. We don't know how much time she has, by the way, because she didn't.

She said mid-to-law. late 30s. Okay. But she should, I don't know. There should be a dating app for people who want to have babies. Right. Million dollar idea. Well, it'll go out of business really quickly because people won't.

It'll only be women. What's that term? They'll be no, they won't like retain their clientele, which is like what these things run on. Right. Well, ideally, yeah,

like everyone's has, wholesome Christian values where they have sex with people that they could basically see themselves procreating with. That's not even that Christian. Just like, you know, like human, like less. The, if people in general

understood that sex had like consequences and were willing to like take those risks. Yeah. Then things would be more straightforward. forward. Yep. Good luck out there. Hi, my name's John Frogman. Big fan of your show. I've been listening for a little while now. I want to know how in touch you are with your fans and if you have any advice as to how to attract a woman who likes Red Scare because I don't like discussing politics with women because

typically they're really dumb. But I'd assume that a woman who listens to your show because it's not flop but actually it's pretty fun to talk to. I'm a late 20s groiper and I feel like the Red Scare audience is full of women who aren't insufferable

so thank you. Have a great day. What makes you think that? Frogman is that your real name? Yeah, I don't know. That's sweet. I found I was very touched when he said that She might actually be fun to talk to. Like you can feel how much she wants to talk to a woman.

I know. And he thinks that a red scare fan might fit the bill, but I don't know. I don't know about that, but I see what he's doing. This is powerful 4D chess because if a single willing gray pet, here's this episode, she might be tempted to reach out.

she can. Well, she could do it through, she'd DM one of us. I guess I could give you his phone number. Yeah. He was like, how in touch are you with your fans? Pretty in touch, you know,

reachable, accessible. Yeah. So, yeah, I guess if any great bets out there want to meet this guy. John Frogman.

You can DM me and I'll just give you his phone number because he called the love line and I never said I wouldn't give out people's phone numbers. So. Careful what you wish for, John. What you want to do is get on one of the subs and white knightess. There we go. Yes. They actually, Anna Dasha pretty cool.

Do it on every social media platform. And love will find you. Just be careful that when you finally meet your beautiful trad wife, Red Scare, Groy pet, that you don't continue listening to. the podcast because that's going to create problems. That's going to alienate her. Exactly. Hey ladies, I have a question that pertains to both of you in kind of different ways. In the last year, my two-year-old daughter and I and my husband were all baptized into the Eastern Orthodox Church. And since entering the church, I've been struggling with the idea of forgiveness

and sin. Early in my relationship with my now husband, we became pregnant and decided to get an abortion. And we both wrestled with the shame and guilt from that decision for the last six years. After having our daughter, we both found a lot of deep remorse and shame around what we did and truly view it now as murder of an

innocent life. My question for Anna is, how was having a previous abortion affected you in motherhood? And Dasha, what do you think of forgiveness when it comes to a great sin, such as something as heavy as murder? Of course, I talked my priest about this, but I

wanted to get your lovely inputs and perspectives. I hope this isn't too much of a downer. All right, by ladies. Hope to not see you in hell. You can take this one. I'm not answering that. I mean, we can cut it. I don't know.

I don't care. I mean, I think, you know, God loves people very much and wants to forgive them. And if you are repentant, he will be merciful to you to the degree that you are able to be merciful to others and yourself even. I'm sure your priest

probably told you something similar. Obviously, it's like gravely sinful, but you're not damned. Like the whole Christian model is that you're able to repent. You can kill like a normal person and repent.

Can you? Can you get entry to heaven if you... If you genuinely feel bad, yeah. If you genuinely feel remorse and... Asking for a friend. Yeah, I mean, there's... The idea that you won't be forgiven is like a... That's not a...

that's not from God. Yeah. That's like a evil idea. Yeah, I don't. You shouldn't count on God's mercy, but you should hope for it. Yes, that's well said. I don't much have, or I don't have much hope that I'm going to heaven. I'm probably going to hell.

Well, you've got to get baptized. For any number of reasons, chiefly not being baptized, yes. Also, in her case, just autistically all says she got baptized after the abortion, remission of all your sins. what when you get baptized all your sins are forgiven they're forgiven through confession and stuff too but where do i sign up you literally um but yeah technically yeah you were unbaptized so now that you are your right you've all the new sins you're accumulated you'll be held to accountable for but not anything you did before i mean like i will say that once you have a baby you can

no longer like elide or avoid the reality that like abortion is obviously a religious sin and also just like a great stain on your conscience you know uh louis c k had that bit where he was like you know pick a lane it's either like murder or it's like taking a shit i'm of the it's a special category of murder persuasion like it is there's no getting around it and the more you think about it because people always have these ongoing quibbles over when life begins and obviously it begins that conception when like the sperm joins the egg that is like the first spark of a soul there's no getting around it with elaborate semantic or scientific arguments i mean i believe that but i think there is

I don't know, there's babies that aren't like meant to be carried to term. Sure. Maybe they're not totally insouled. Like I kind of, I don't know. Not like in the case of abortion. Yeah, if you're born with a brain, are you even insoled? Without a brain, you are. If you're born.

Yeah. Because you're born for. No, with, I mean with. Yeah. Yeah. And like not to be too much of a negative. Nancy and a Debbie Downer myself, but like I've said this before and I'll say it again. Like none of my haters can touch me because they'll never hate me as much as I hate myself.

It's true. But like I don't know if there's any redemptive quality to carrying this kind of guilt with you. It's like Wellbeck's point about how physical suffering yields no deeper insights and it's just pure pointless torment. I don't think that's entirely true either. but like it's good I think it's good at base to have those emotions and to learn to live with them well that's why as she knows Christians adhere to this concept of repenting and that you can be absolved and forgiven of your sins you don't have to care that's why Christ died on the cross so we don't have to carry the guilt of like all of our sins yeah but it's it's one of the dumbest sins because it's so stupid and senseless and you were only doing it because you were being selfish and lazy and didn't want to take on the sacrifice and you were young which you and your husband seem to understand but which i think but then god has compassion for

yeah but you also have to remember that like you wouldn't have the baby that you have today if you hadn't done that we live in a fallen world and i think every soul is you unique and there's a reason your daughter exists now. Yeah. And like part of that it's complicated because it is was sinful. But like, yeah, she exists in the world now because of. It's a fallen world. Yeah.

And there's human frailty. And I think. Yeah. And I think like you, you should probably have some like skepticism and contempt for your former self who went through with that. but you will find the path to redemption and repentance by like looking at your baby girl in the now, you know. Yeah, you can hear her in the. I know.

I was like, is that a dog? So yeah, don't punish yourself too much because you'll be punished in accordance with like heavenly. Well, in accordance with like his justice and mercy. You know, so you can trust in that. And like if you have to do some purgatory, I guess Orthodox people don't believe in that. Whatever. You'll undergo a process of purgation.

And like you can count on mercy. Yeah. At the end of the day, though, the most important thing to keep in mind is that your own redemption doesn't really matter. What do you mean? You have the soul of another to steward now. Yes.

So you're not that. important in like the grand ledger of things. Yeah. And a life of self-sacrifice will ultimately aid you. Fine and even honorable. Yeah. And that's like where salvation is, is in living and service to others. True. So sounds like you're on the right track. I mean, the best part about having a kid is that you really just like don't think of yourself anymore. And when you do, when you have those moments where you get in your head, you're like, wait, I'm like gay and retarded and should just shut the fuck up. Yeah. And you can't make good TikTok about how I have no friends and sit alone. in your apartment. And I never get like when women on Twitter like complain about like losing their identity or their body because they had a baby. It's like, well, I know that your personal circumstances

might not be ideal because who's are, but like, isn't it great to lose your identity and your body? Yeah. For somebody else who you love more than yourself. Who cares? So true. Well said. A 24 year old, my big city family exclusively date girls in the art scene. School girls that I When it comes to future wives, they obviously have some ex-self and think I would need to do some. I figured you two would have some in. He's got a My Fair Lady situation on his hands. Port noise complaint. He's got an Eliza Doolittle, but he's got to teach how to speak properly.

You just got to find the right art. Oh, yeah. You know? Does this even matter in this day and age? I mean, I think if you bring like some like creepy bitch with like, tattoos who like doesn't act right. Rama Duwaji. Ramuji. She's a great art ho who's like

who's the first lady of New York now. Um, yeah, I wouldn't have such a low opinion of your partners. It sounds like yeah, he's probably drawn to more like chaotic women. But he can find like a middle ground where they have what he thinks he likes about art hose, but can also like a function in a more conservative, classy, I don't know. No etiquette and can entertain and so on. I mean, there's no shortage of art hose who come from extremely wealthy families and have

trust funds. So true. Come on now. Yeah. None of these people are poor. Some of them are. Maybe. Well, they're like, they're not like authentically poor.

maybe one or two here and there, but generally all the people you meet in New York basically have daddy's money. The arts are a valid, high-minded pursuit. I just can't believe. I mean, I guess there are like holdouts pockets

of people who still care about this sort of thing, but yeah, I have a hard time imagining like what his family dynamic is like. Because even like, um, wealthy people from old families are like trashy and vulgar now.

And they're doing like loneliness influence. on the internet. Like the wasp has fallen. There's no, like, what etiquette? I can't imagine. Like, how do you, she needs to take a cotillion class to learn which fork to use? Like, you could just gently kind of usher her through some of the, like, expectations your family might have in terms of behavior.

Yeah, how do you do that as a man? I guess is the question, uh, without coming off as like, yeah, condescending or gay. well, women like when you man-splain things to them. And I wouldn't like introduce someone to your family too early where it's awkward for you to like explain something like that to them. I wouldn't bring your situation to be like, listen, I personally don't care, but my parents will. Yeah.

And like they'll probably rise to the occasion. Yeah. But yeah, I think it's. Yeah. I think he's probably like non-committal ultimately. Yeah, he doesn't really like these art hos that he's dating that much. So he claims to. Yeah.

He likes what they represent. Which is like an escape from his like stuffy prepy family. Yeah. Long time listener, first time caller. I'm calling for your love line. I recently got dumped. So my ex could join a coked-out polycule. Apparently, they were, like, hooking up with this, like, weird,

coped-out married couple. Well, we were still, like, on and off. Anywho, how do I cope with this information? Thank you very much. I mean, your ex leaving you for a cokehead polycule is irrelevant to the coping, right? Because it's just a breakup. Because he left you regardless. I guess there's some extra sting to it,

but I think he should fall and esteem in your eyes. Yeah, it's worse than him leaving you for a beautiful younger woman. No, it's better because you come out on top. Well, she also, what I found interesting about this one is she says they. Instead of him. Which maybe is just like a language thing, but maybe there's like a non-binary element. In which case the problem is you.

Yeah. And like should come as no surprise. I'm shocked that people in polycules are doing coke. Because they seem more like the chubby weed smoking type. Well, it sounds like he or they, whatever. It's like not in a true, I guess it is a polycule technically, but he's like the third. Yeah, but it sounds like he's using this older, richer couple for their coke, which is valid, frankly. Yeah.

Sounds like the cocaine. I can't really imagine myself joining a polycule, but that's probably the only polycule I would have joined as a young person. It's like a couple with some good cocaine. Yeah, I guess it sounds like you're already coping well enough. Yeah. Maybe join your own polycule. They seem plentiful. or just, you know, rest easy in knowing that you ultimately had different values.

And we're dating a loser. Yep. I love the pod. I've actually been re-listening to all the old Lovelin episodes this week, trying to look for some wisdom on my current issues. So this is really wild timing. Basically, I'm 21. I just graduated college, and I just moved across the state.

to live in the same city as my boyfriend. He's 36, by the way. I feel like that's important context here. But since moving here, I've basically just been like glued to his side since he's the only person I know here. And I've become incredibly codependent towards him. And I feel like me being a really needy and reliant weirdo is causing some strain in our relationship and also kind of making me hate my.

myself a little bit. Additional context, we don't live together, but we do live in the same city. And this is an issue that I've had in like all of my relationships. But I was wondering if you guys had any advice on how to be less codependent in relationships. Or even if this is like something that I can fix while I'm still in a relationship. Or if that's like a lesson I need to learn once I'm single. or any just general advice for a young woman trying to start her life in a new city. Thank you.

I need all the help I can get. Have you ever thought of becoming a loneliness influence? How old did she say her boyfriend was? 36. She's 21. She moved to the city he lives in, does not live with him. Yeah. Okay, he is responsible for you.

You should be living with him. She moved for him. Yeah. Okay, so. So she's in a new place where she doesn't know anyone and now is like exhibiting alienating codependent tendencies, which it sounds like are also part of her nature. Sure, but he kind of facilitated this dynamic. She needs to give herself some grace.

Yeah. And I think all young women are probably co-belled. Dependent to a degree I definitely All women are codependent At the end of the day It comes down to how well you Uh,

hide it Well, you're less, I think maybe, I think you're less Cody than me or slash better at hiding it. Yeah. I'm pretty like nakedly kind of, you know,

I'm like, what do you mean? A boundary. I mean, do guys like it? Does it work for you? Um, when I was,

younger, no. But I've also, it's also tempered, I think, with age. Yeah, because you've accrued some experience and some money. Yeah. And some perspective. When I was, And you sort of know the formula of how relationships work. Yeah.

And how all life and take. Yeah. And all relationships are relationships. I would kind of, he needs to help. you. Yeah, that's ridiculous. You are in an age gap relationship and he has to assume a more like paternal, sorry, I don't know, like you, you're in his ward and you not living with him is a red flag to me.

Because if you move to a new place and you feel like there's strain, in you being dependent on the partner who lives there, like they have to kind of take pains to accommodate you and put you at ease and kind of like create an atmosphere and circumstance in which you're able to thrive. Yeah, I was randomly actually thinking about this today because a boyfriend of mine once said that it's refreshing how independent I am given how codependent his ex was.

you know, she couldn't be alone. And I wanted to be like, oh no, honey, no woman can be alone. Cofi a non-meam. I hate it. There was a new study that was on Twitter talking about how the traditional wisdom was that men were interested in things and women are interested in people. Men are tinkers and hobbyists so they can spend long swathes of time in like solitary mode, like learning some craft or whatever.

Whereas women need to surround themselves in. around with people in a social setting. But it turns out that actually just women aren't interested in things. And I was thinking about us because we're both like pretty capable and competent at drumming up interest in like intellectual philosophical concepts that don't have anything to do with us personally. But even that like at the end of the day, I think about this a lot with like the current state of the dating discourse and like the sexual marketplace and how hard it is for young people because like this might sound uh again cynical and misogynistic but actually it's really beautiful and nice uh a woman's purpose is

or a woman's nature is to to be about her man and her baby i feel like a woman is at her best at her truest at her most beautiful when she loves a man and then a child Yeah. Most women, of course, are outliers who are like great artists or great philosophers in their own right. But like there's nothing wrong with being like attached and vulnerable. It's very natural and beautiful. Yeah. And I think that's also why Lana Del Rey resonates so much with young women and gays.

Because she loves love. And every other pop starlet is out there. preaching the gospel of like invulnerability and independence. Question for the culture. Get your bad girl. You don't need no man. Men are trash. And it's,

yeah, it feels very like performatively, demonstratively, ruthless and hostile cope. Yeah. Hurt people, hurt people or whatever. And of course,

like Lana is offering kind of somewhat narcissistic fantasy. Right. of like this kind of embodied exquisite suffering that sometimes you snap and become a bad bitch when he finally wrongs you one too many times but like yeah I don't know I think codependence is like a bad word I agree what well one of my favorite Lana is it was in some interview where she said that she's never broken up with anybody yeah because even if she's left someone they made her do that That's so true.

Yeah. I was like, yeah, I know me too. And when I say like narcissistic fantasy, I don't mean like she's a narcissist or her audience is narcissists. It's just like, it's partly true, but that's just like what's available. It's a romantic and self-involved. It's, yeah, it's that's like, that's actually the biggest taboo in our culture. It's not like incest or pediglia or racism. It's like being a devoted yearner.

Yeah, it's being devoted to somebody. I mean, I will say this relationship doesn't sound sustainable. It doesn't, yeah. Because part of what's beautiful about female devotion is that it's like freely chosen, you know? When you're in like a state of like deprivation or coercion and, you know, you have no choice, which kind of sounds like she is, you know, she's so young and in a new place and like what else is she going to do? Well, yeah, and ordinarily when people are,

but it's going to run its course. Yeah, and when people say I have a history of this sort of behavior, it's like a red flag. But she's so young, how much of a history could she even have? Yeah, ordinarily, I believe them and I take them at their word, but like this seems like relatively natural and normal behavior for a young woman, let alone one that has been. You like having a boyfriend.

transplanted to another city by her age gap boyfriend who won't even live with her. Yeah. And like yeah, what's in it for him that he now has this like ball and chain? I guess. I mean I'm sure he

loves her in some way. But like I said like he should kind of be taking care of her of her more and should he be feeling the strain of her quote codependence the way she describes then he should be like taking measures to like help her come into her own that's really the thing with like i don't i'm obviously like i'm not scandalized by age gaps but i think when you do me neither date a woman who is substantially

younger, and this is a pretty big age gap, you know, by my standards, then you take on a responsibility to sort of like shepherd them through like a tender period in their life. Yeah, and you can't just like, they're not just like your girlfriend. Well, remember. Like have a responsibility of them. And you also have to kind of live with an understanding that they probably will move on and outgrow you. Exactly.

Because if you're dating a 21. year old. Yeah. Like, and women are already so much more mature than men. Yeah. Like, she inevitably probably will, like, surpass you. Well, and the other ship. She just, like, asht on my laptop.

Domestic abuse. Remember that article from a while ago about how having a boyfriend is embarrassing? I think we discussed it. And I think they were claiming that it's embarrassing because you should be an independent woman who hates men. Yeah. But really it's embarrassing because everybody has like a boyfriend and more people should be have like a serious husband. Husband.

Yeah. Or just like, yeah, like a partner. Yeah. And yeah, and that boyfriends detract from your career or social life, you know. Yeah. Which is like uncool. Yeah. I mean, no.

Look, having a boyfriend is totally fine and normal, but like. Having a boyfriend. having a man in your life come on yeah but um like if if you have like a serious love and a serious purpose then like that's not your boyfriend true so good luck i mean i guess all for her i would say that's your man's i mean you're there you moved i don't know what your work situation is like but you're very very young and you're going to like your life is going to like your life is going to flourish. Yeah.

And it might take a while. There will be like growing pains and he might not stick around. But you'll probably be fine. You might not stick around. Yeah. Have you ever gone? I mean, yeah, he might not, you know, he might not be the one. Yeah.

I mean, I guess my original technical advice to her would have been to just like make yourself scarce and develop fake hobbies and interests. But what woman? What is she going to do? Yeah. took up knitting. That's the thing is like what women do distract themselves with is like socializing. Yeah.

And like in lieu of that, like what can she really do? You know? She can work, but she's young. She doesn't have, you know, she's like building a son, I guess a career. She's a college grad. She's like finding her way in the world. I think, yeah, he should be helping you more. Mm-hmm.

If he really cares. Yeah. Hi girls I was wondering if you had any advice on how to heal a bruised ego I went on a really bad blind date with someone from Discord and I didn't make him face reveal before he bought his plane ticket out to see me and then was like horribly disgusted by him

once he arrived but because he bought a plan ticket out to see me I thought I had to see him for the weekend and then when I met him the second day, he was in the bathroom and I looked in the bedside table, and instead of finding a Bible, I found a box of condoms. And my, I'm hurt. I'm hurt that he thought that I liked him enough to want to have sex with him. I'm hurt that he thinks that I think so little of myself.

And I also really want to be mean to him when I see him in chat. But I also don't want anyone to know. that I went on a date with someone horrifically ugly. He wasn't funny either. What do I do? Wait, what? Another weird. Wait, what?

Female, tranny, gay guy, question mark. You need to check your ego. Yeah, shocking. A guy bought a plane ticket, and the expectation was that he wasn't trying to have sex with you. And you're offended because you think he's so ugly that you didn't want to have sex. sex with them. I mean, you sound like you're the villain. I would be offended that he wanted to

use a condom, but that's just me. But also, okay, I guess he, so he had a hotel. And he put the condoms in the bedside drawer. I mean, maybe it's a gay guy, so he should. Maybe the condoms make sense. I don't know, like the voice again, weird socio-voice. Why would you want to be mean to somebody who took the time to try to get to know you? And spent money to come meet you. And yeah, I guess you were like creeped out by him and then I mean. I mean, I understand having a bruised ego because you didn't do the face real and he thought you were horribly ugly. I thought that's where I thought it was going.

Yeah, the twist really had me. But you just kind of sound like a cruel person. and like I was saying at the start of the app like while you claim to you're talking like you have self-worth but you clearly don't and so you

resent this person not merely for being unattractive to you but for like deigning to want you and like you hate yourself I know so many Zoomats who are like in the talking stage with some who won't buy a plane ticket and won't fly them out and they're like confused and baffled because they're

like oh well the the chemistry is so strong but I want to see if it's real that's crazy bro I mean yeah to me the egoic bruise is not really about him it's like something something else is wrong with your ego and your ability to like form attachments or humane connections. Yeah, you need to get over your ego, but not in the way you think. Hey, thanks for listening to our podcast.

There's a guy named John Frogman that you might like. He's interested in meeting girls just like you. Hi, ladies. I'm a big fan of a pod. Just wanted to call and ask. So one of my really good

friends, he is gay, but he's like, bye. I think he's a four on the Kinsey scales is what he told me once. He told me that he has feelings for me and like I've always had a thing for him. And like he's been with like mostly men but also women as well. And I don't know. Like I'm a little nervous to date him because I mean like you know what they say about like, you know, by men. But also like we're really close and I find him attractive.

act he's really into me so I don't know what to do so I would love your advice thanks again bye happy pride mom so a four on the Kinsey scale means he's slightly more straight than he is gay because one is who is ringing my doorbell

at 1126 p.m. This isn't a package. That's not a good that's not a good sign that's an uh-oh feeling I don't answer I don't am. I'm not. Famous last word. I need to move.

Should she date him? Yeah. Why not? Sure. Everyone's like, whatever. This is the month to get AIDS if you're going to do it. I'm jealous, frankly. Yeah, I think he's probably more gay than a four, potentially.

But maybe not. I really don't know. Zoomers really seem very pan-sexual. Yeah. And yeah. I say, yeah, you like him? Whatever. It likes you?

It seems like a guy. Great. Gay haven't. So these next, these two are kind of a third. Conclusive. Okay. Can I pee real quick?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to pee too after you. Okay. So these next two, like I said, they're a, um, I guess they're in the order that I heard them.

Maybe they are, there's a good chance they're kind of like coordinated and I'm a total mark, but they were sort of spaced far apart enough where it seems, I don't know, I was like, oh, wow. I like, I don't know. I was intrigued. So, okay. Wait, so are we doing two hers or one his? We're going to do two hers and then one. Okay. Hi, Anna and Dasha.

I have a question. about whether you think a faith gap relationship can actually work. I met a man and he is a conservative Christian. We also don't live in the same country and, and coincidentally, we met on basically through the Red Square subreddit. But I'm raised post-Soviet and I turned to from Belarus. I grew up really agnostic. Religion has never been part of my life.

And on the other hand, he was raised really Christian. His family was really religious. He's really faithful. And when we have been together, we go to church. And I've been trying to, like, learn a lot about it and be supportive. But I just really doubt, you know, his family means a lot to him. Will his family ever accept me? Is there a future here?

And I'm just trying to figure out whether I'm going to have to convert for, for it to work long term and whether basically my question is for Dasha because I know that she's the more godly one about it. This is even possible. So thank you.

I respect you to the G. Bye. Okay, well, it's a good question for both of us because of the faith. We're in a faith gap podcast. Actually. But, Anna, someone keeps ringing your door about it.

Should I go and look through the people? It could be Eli. Does he not have a phone? I think his phone's dead. Yeah. I should make sure it's not Eli. But I'm not going to open the door because that's scary. It's spooky.

Yeah. Be careful. Do you want me to come with you? No, it's okay. Okay. Oh, wait. That's so spooky. Okay.

So the girl from upstairs is coming down. Okay. So it's like her situation. Okay, okay. But this is so creepy. This is the first time this has ever happened because like Eli was ringing the doorbell aggressively before you got here because he lost his keys and it was like a whole nightmare. Then it happened again in the same night. It was a different guy, I'm assuming.

Unless he's coming upstairs to. Yeah. Don't these bitches have a working door though? Whatever. We'll see what happens. Okay. So we heard from her. Oh, no, nothing. It's scary. go on well let's listen to the counter part so we've heard from her so Anna hi Dasha

calling from Canada I'm a 29 year old Canadian guy who earlier this year met a Belarusian American girl on the Redskere matchmaking dot com and we started out as pen pals

but we fell for one another and now we're trying to make a long distance relationship work. For context, well, we actually share a lot of beliefs and ethics, for example, things like child rearing or family life. She and I come from pretty different cultural backgrounds. I'm conservatives. I'm from a small town. A bit of a lower middle class. Yuppie. I'm a Christian. I'm Anglo. Well, she is agnostic, an academic. She's culturally about a Russian. She's more like things. New York Literati, I was raised on a farm, literally. And so this girl's really smart.

And I've heard that Slavic women can be pretty harsh in arguments, especially compared to my very subdued British style of conflict resolution. So my question is, can people like us overcome socioeconomic and cultural differences and remain faithful and make a life together and start a family? or is someone like her, Jenna just get bored of me. And if you have any advice for dating a Bellerussian girl in general, please share. Okay, thanks for listening.

I love. Bye. Well, you can have that one, but it does seem coordinated. I mean, that's really cute and romantic. That's why I, you know, maybe I am just a romantic in that way. They both sound reasonably attractive, so good for them. And they both listen to the show so they probably know. Like maybe it's not, their questions are kind of different enough that I don't think maybe

they coordinated. But it's a little bit of fan service because I know the sub doesn't like us so much. And yet we do so much for them. What would bring these people together? That they're actually calling in about two totally separate people. And then they should just meet and fall in love. Well, he actually called twice. He like left another voice feel that was like just more I put this one in

They weren't very different Which also made me feel like it was kind of Coincidental and sweet And I was touched sort of by her Her question is like should she convert And his question is like will she get bored of him Like he's aw You know?

they're both like nervous yeah they're like I don't know I'm rooting for them I think she should convert because as an agnostic like why not kind of Pascal's wager sort of thing and like it's a good foundation to build a relationship on and being like culturally Belarusian Russian and whatever obviously there's like profound godlessness in the Slavic people. But in terms of values, I feel like they're not so misaligned. Yeah, that's true. But she probably will scream at you. And if you're like a worldly intelligentsia female with an academic background, you might

want that chud. You might want that farm boy. you might want that Canadian you know that kids in the hall dick and they've met before okay as she said

okay so they have chemistry yeah and they're trying to make a long distance relationship work but not that long Canada US well one can just move that seems like the optimal solution

and she's also doing kind of endearing an endearing female thing where she's worried about like to convert to marry him and he's sort of talking about just general

like compatibility though they both seem to feel like they're pretty compatible because he probably doesn't even require her conversion it sounds like his family might but I don't think there's any loss in her like I don't know

why not yeah i would say go for it yeah because there's never been a better time to be hetero because it's not like she has to like change her you know she doesn't like subscribe to a totally different belief system and plenty of people convert for marriage and then like you know either like come to it or they don't but like if you want to have kids if you want to build a life it's like a nice you know yeah bedrock potentially anyway that's all i really have to say. I just thought it was yeah, that's a nice and wholesome

I thought it was a nice note to end on and yeah, it was slim pickings but they're not so bad. These are decent, yeah. Okay. These are pretty good questions. Yeah. We should stop selling ourselves so short. I know. I mean, if you didn't like it, it's y'all's fault.

Because we did the best we could. All right, good luck out there. See you and see you and see you. No.